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"...Sonic..." a voice calls out.
"Mmmmmm..."
"Sonic!" He feels a hard kick to his side.
Sonic wakes up to find himself in a jail cell with a splitting headache, no recollection of last night, and he's with Shadow and Knuckles. This isn't the first time he's been in jail, but last time was a misunderstanding. This is too, right?
"What... why are we in jail?" Sonic stumbles to his feet.
"Wish I knew." Knuckles shrugs.
"Officer!" Shadow shouts between the bars. One of them walks up with a clipboard.
"I'm guessing you wanna know why you're here? I can hear you guys from offscreen you know."
"Can you please tell us what we're in for? I'm sure this is all a mistake." Sonic reasons.
"Well let's see... you're all in for trespassing, theft, property damage, resisting arrest, driving while under the influence, and individual crimes including Sonic's unpaid speeding tickets, Shadow's illegal possession of firearms, and Knuckles attempting to pay a caterer with paperclips."
"What? That can't be right! I paid those tickets off!" Sonic complains.
"Well legally you didn't. Anyways, I'm no longer relevant to the story so I'll be offscreen again." The officer walks away.
The trio ponder a moment, some of those crimes sound familiar. In fact, they all vividly remember drinking together.
-
Flashback to last night, Guys Night. Tails was too busy to join, so Sonic and Knuckles asked if Shadow could join. To their surprise, he said yes (after about two dozen no's) and insisted he'd need something to help him get through the night. That something was alcohol.
"What's beer?" Knuckles said.
"A beverage to help you loosen up and forget the dark sins of your past."
"Can I try some?"
Shadow shrugged.
"What about you, Sonic? Care for a can?"
"Ew, this tastes like dirt and poison." Knuckles complained before continuing to drink.
"I REALLY shouldn't." Sonic argued.
"C'mon! It tastes terrible, you have to try it!" Knuckles handed him a can.
"Okay fine. Just ONE drink."
-
That's the last thing any of them remember clearly. Bad to the present, they need to find a way out of jail. Thankfully, Tails and Amy conveniently walk in just after that thought.
"Amy! Tails! I'm glad you're here. We need you to bail us out." Sonic rushes to the bars.
"Do you have any idea how much your bail is?" Amy crosses her arms.
"Uh... a hundred bucks?"
"IT'S OVER 30 GRAND!"
"Hey-I don't even remember what I did!"
"Well, you'll have plenty of time to think about it while we raise the money."
"Wait, you're leaving us here?!"
"You stole a LOT of Meh burgers. If I can't get it paid off, you'll have to work there for awhile." Tails brings up.
"I'd say let him. It's only fair after all." Amy remarks.
"Wait... I think I remember something about Meh Burger." Shadow interjects.
-
It was late into the night and the trio were already schwasted. They were walking around the village for whatever drunken reason you can think of when-
"I'm hungry. Let's get Meh Burger!" Sonic pointed to the establishment just ahead.
"It's almost midnight. They're closed." Shadow objected.
"It's fine. If we leave money, we can take whatever we want and it's okay!" Knuckles reasoned.
Sonic agreed that made sense and the two run into Meh Burger. Shadow chugged his sixteenth can and joined them, hopping over the counter to look for the 'meat'. They find the pre-made patties piled up in an old metal fridge.
"This is disgusting." Said Shadow.
"This is heaven." Said Knuckles.
"I'll-I'll get the buns and toppings." Sonic stumbled a little before dashing away.
Before you know it, he two bros were making sloppy burgers and guzzling them down. Shadow searched around for anything sanitary to eat but everything in Meh Burger is always the same level of gross. He did find something interesting, a small sandwich baggy tucked away between the dirty stove and rusty sink.
The burgers were gone and Sonic left about 50 bucks on the counter. Shadow rejoined them as they were heading out, a fat doobie in hand.
"What's that?" Knuckles asked innocently.
"Is that weed?! Where'd you get weed?!" Sonic immediately recognized.
Shadow took a swig before responding with a puff of smoke.
"You need to chill out."
"I already tried something, it's your turn." Knuckles nudged Sonic.
"What? No! Weed is bad."
"Doesn't seem all that bad to me." Shadow took another huff.
"Whatever. Just don't puff that stuff in my face."
-
"Well that explains the trespassing." Sonic snaps back to the present.
"And the theft." Shadow adds.
"How is it theft? We left money!" Knuckles complains.
"You ate $300 worth of burgers!" Amy snaps at him.
"Well how were we supposed to know? We're not burger... money... analyzers!"
"So that's two of our charges figured out. Any memories coming back about the others?" Sonic brings the conversation back.
"The caterer sounds familiar, but I can't remember anything." Knuckles scratches his head.
Amy and Tails need to take their leave as their visiting time is up. Their 'see you later's' aren't as warm and friendly as usual, leaving Sonic and Knuckles feeling guilty.
"Wait!" Shadow interrupts their stares of shame.
"I remember... we took that trashy van somewhere and got pulled over afterwards."
"It's not trashy, it's the Dude-mobile." Sonic defends.
"I can't remember where we were between the burgers and the cops. But... we were pulled over and..." Shadow trails off. Flashback time again!
-
The trio were in the Dude-mobile, Shadow in the driver's seat with Sonic in passenger and Knuckles in the back. They were celebrating something, clinking some newly obtained drinks.
"Hope that caterer isn't too mad." Knuckles brought up.
"I-I'm sure she gets it. It's not like we had THAT much food. It's like a... like charity." Sonic fumbled over his tipsy words.
"You know... I didn't think I'd have a good time tonight but, and this could be the alcohol or the pot talking, you guys aren't the worst." Shadow smirked.
"Love you too, Shads."
They all, in sync, chugged their cans before hearing sirens behind them. Shadow looked in the rear view mirror to see an officer signaling them to pull over. And so he did. The officer pulled behind them and the trio started to panic, rolling down the windows and hiding the beer cans. By the time the cop got to the window, they managed to pull it together enough to appear calm.
"What seems to be the problem, officer?" Shadow greeted them.
"I think you know why I pulled you over."
"Because we're awesome!"
"Sonic shush! Don't mind him, he's drunk." Shadow casually admitted.
"You didn't pay for the services provided."
"Not true! I gave her my valuable paperclips. They're shiny so they have valuable." Knuckles confidently corrected.
"Yeah... you three also reek of alcohol and marijuana. I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the car."
Without much thought, Shadow put the petal to the medal and sped away. The officer yelled at them before hopping in their vehicle.
"S-Shadow?! What're you doing?! You can't just run from a cop!" Sonic reprimanded him.
"You wanna go to jail, Hedgehog? You're welcome to jump out but you will NOT take me with you."
"I should've drove, you're too high for this!"
"Well you've had enough booze to kill a small elephant!"
"There's no way that's true!"
"Guys, this is no time to be fighting!" Knuckles interupted.
Shadow attempted to make a sharp turn but ended up losing control. The Dude-mobile slid and crashed into a market stand. Police surrounded the vehicle before everything went dark.
-
"So that's everything, except what we hired a caterer for." Sonic finalizes the flashback, a bit embarrassed.
The three sit in their cell trying desperately to remember what happened between Meh Burger and getting arrested, to no avail. They end up spending the night in jail, not the most comfortable place to sleep. Despite there being a bench, the concrete floor is legitimately more comfortable than the thin, wooden seating area.
The next morning, the prisoners are given meals. They don't look too flattering but actually taste alright. Thankfully, Amy shows up not long after with an officer. Their bail has been paid and the trio are free to go home. Except there's one thing Tails needs to talk to Sonic about. When they get back to his house, Tails hands Sonic something that got mailed to his house earlier. Something FROM Sonic that was shipped out last night.
-
The trio passed by a dinning hall with an ad for a top rated caterer. They saw how she could make any food you requested and had an idea.
"We should totally throw a party here!" Said Knuckles.
"Yes! Yes, let's get her to make chilidogs!" Sonic cheered.
"Hold it, you two. She only caters weddings." Shadow interrupted.
"Awwww..."
"Well... let's just marry each other!" Knuckles insisted.
"Yeah let's just marry each other!" Sonic echoed.
"What? No!" Shadow stumbled.
"Why not?" Knuckles asked disappointed.
"Well-uh... we can't... it's... they better have Hot Pockets."
"Oooo, and grapes!"
"You can't makes grapes, dummy." Sonic teased.
"You can make things WITH grapes. Like ice cream or sandwiches."
"Chilidogs and cake for the newly weds." Sonic playfully ordered in a fancy voice.
They somehow, in a drunken state, managed to rent out the dinning hall, asked the caterer to make their strange food requests, and spent the rest of their cash hiring someone to wed them all. It was a goofy but surprisingly wholesome affair. The trio expressed gratitude towards each other and hoped for more grand nights like this in the future. Papers were sloppily signed, legalizing the marriage, and Sonic had them sent to Tails' place for safe keeping. After consuming even more food and making a mess, the newly married gang fled the scene once they realized they had no money left to pay.
-
"So what-we're married?! This-this can't be an actual legal document right?" Sonic freaks out and hands the papers back.
"Sonic-"
"No wait, this is a prank. Right? Just you getting back at me for last night? Right?"
"Sonic, this isn't a prank."
"...You're gonna say sike now... right?"
"I'm afraid I can't. So, how're you gonna brake the news?"
"...Just one drink."
"Huh?"
"Just one drink. That's what I said. How did I go from that to being in debt, stucking working at Meh Burger for the next few months minimum, and married to my bro and a man who hates me?!"
"Poor life choices?"
"Huuuggggg... I need a nap. I can't deal with this right now, or maybe ever. Don't ever drink, Tails." "After the night you had, I wouldn't dream of it."