Chapter Text
i.
The Fire Nation had sent no one in his stead.
She worries the little rip of skin along her thumbnail, anxiously scanning the room from her spot against the wall. Toph silently sidles up to her, grimacing as she shifts her feet and listens to the dignitaries arrive.
"So, I guess that's it for peace and unity?"
Katara shakes her head in a gesture her friend won't see, too stressed to force any words of comfort out. Toph is right and they've been ignoring the writing on the wall.
Sokka shoots her a wary glance from his place next to their father, quickly masking it with his most charming smile as his fellow diplomats take their seats at the negotiating table. The Northerners to his immediate right, the Earth Kingdom to his left. And as always, Aang, serene and severe, presiding over it all.
The empty seats across from him glare at her.
ii.
He'd been a child soldier in a hundred year conflict and nothing, nothing, could have prepared him for this.
Civil war tore through his country like wildfire. An ember of an inferno he'd thought thoroughly doused, with fresh oxygen it threatened reduce all their hard-fought progress to ash.
He felt exposed as the green boy-king he hadn't been in years.
He only knew two truths:
His country was broken.
He was not strong enough to hold it together.
"It's our violent and rotten core, Zuzu. It's who we are. It's who you are."
No.
No.
Not anymore.
iii.
Her desk is empty when she returns home, not a single response to any of her frantic letters sent at every port between the South Pole and Republic City.
She storms into her brother's office just to learn his letters have gone unanswered too. She slams her fist on the desk. Sokka jumps at the outburst, recovering to wipe the frost off where she struck.
"Stubborn! Asshole!"
iv.
The temple is empty.
The Fire Sages no doubt have retreated back to their shadows, content to bet the future of the country on their own comforts. He hadn't forgotten the way they waited to give him his crown. Waited for confirmation of the Avatar's victory. Waited, even then, until Uncle returned to the Capital and demanded it so.
The utter lack of faith, not because he was a child king but because of what he stood for.
Even in the temple he could hear the faint steady beat of the drums that had rattled around his brain for weeks. An old warfare tactic, as old and outdated as the world those traitors were fighting for. Every beat a taunt that his sister was right.
No.
He was going to break the cycle. He had nearly been there.
"I could have helped her," he calls into the emptiness. His boots clack hollowly as he stalks further into the shrine.
"I could have helped her if you'd just given me time!" he repeats, raising his voice. "Have I displeased you so that you'd punish me with my allies the same as my enemies? Was that meant to humble me, to strike down the supposedly Agni-blessed to show me your power?"
The altar is gleaming, spotless. It makes him sick to his stomach.
"What was Mai?" His voice cracks on her name and he clears his throat, ignoring the pinprick of tears burning his eyes. He'd cried enough for a lifetime, had enough heartbreak for several more. "A warning shot?"
He turns his back to the altar, crumpling the latest missive from his last loyal general in his fist. "They say Shuhon is half ash. There are no more supply routes to the eastern islands and it's nearly typhoon season. They will be cut off and alone and for what? You'd have brother fight brother and let families starve and there's no reason for it!"
"I was trying, okay? I went to the Sun Warriors to learn the true meaning of your gift! I was going to fix the rot in our nation's soul! Our economy had finally righted itself, our soldiers had been able to return home to their families for good! After a century there was finally some hope for our futures!
Yes, what happened to my father was unnatural but who am I to question the judgement of the Avatar? And who are you to say it's not deserved? He killed thousands. He cared for no one least of all his children!"
“Fathers dead”
Azula made a noncommittal noise.
“Fathers dead,” he repeated. She watched him with dull shine in her eye and for a second he thought he could see the child who was until her smile stretched wide and toothy.
“Good.”
The edges of his vision go red and he wipes at his wet cheek, running over the rough skin.
"Where were you when he publicly mutilated his son? Or when he corrupted his daughter's mind so much she felt the only way to even glimpse his love was to kill her family!"
He scorches the crumpled paper in his hand and lets the ash fall on the pristine marble floor.
"I don't think you know the true meaning of fire or you would not be so relentless in pushing death."
v.
"Uncle, leave."
"Zuko--"
He musters up every ounce of resentment his uncle doesn't deserve and unleashes it anyway.
"You didn't want to be Fire Lord. You're not. I am and I'm demanding you leave."
Iroh hesitates one more time and Zuko turns away from him.
"If you won't go willingly, then I'll exile you."
It lands as less of a threat and more a childish plea. Iroh would tease him for his petulance in normal times and these aren't normal times, not with the inner caldera flooding with refugees from the island over. Not with the last passages out of Fire Nation waters slowly being choked off.
vi.
The room is preternaturally quiet. The Earth Kingdom diplomat wets his lips before breaking it.
"Perhaps we should discuss... whether to recognize the opposition..."
Even Aang frowns at the suggestion. Sokka meets her eye across the table, shaking his head imperceptibly, rightly anticipating the outburst threatening to bubble up.
She's beat to it, surprisingly, by Chief Arnook, speaking slowly and directly to the Hu Xin diplomat many years his junior.
“It is not our role to place bets on failed states, much less those who have genocidal intentions.”
Failed states.
'Failed' rings in her head as she excuses herself from the room, Toph hot on her heels.
"Katara?"
Suki steps off her post at the doorway, grabbing her by the arm. She's begrudgingly grateful it a moment later when she shakes off her sister-in-law's grip and collides gently with the stone wall that had materialized before her.
She breathes deeply through her nose before whirling around on the woman who'd created it.
“Is it true?” she demands.
"Listen, sweetness--"
"Toph."
Her friend is hedging uncharacteristically which can only mean one thing. Her sources were unimpeachable, the only ones better than Katara's own not that she'd admit it. The last thing she needs is the world's greatest earthbender knowing she's also the world's greatest spy master.
Suki sighs. "Toph?" she prompts, avoiding Katara's glare. Great, was she really the last to know?
Toph at least has the decency to face her when she gives voice to her worst fears.
"Don't do anything stupid."
vii.
The palace is burning around him.
Ty Lee is tugging at him to leave with surprising strength but his feet are locked in place. He can hear screaming in the courtyard and the air is acrid and Ty Lee is yelling at him, sweating though her green kimono.
She shouldn’t be here, all the Kyoshi Warriors had pulled out when shit hit the fan-- what else could they do by staying except drag their island to war? But Ty Lee is Fire Nation through and through, well accustomed to the fire and blood that seems to be their birthright.
"Agni above Zuko I swear! Mai wouldn’t forgive you for martyring yourself! And she’d forgive you even less for martyring me in the process!"
viii.
"The Fire Nation capital has fallen. The contingent of us who were absent from the capital have yet to receive word from Fire Lord Zuko or his advisors, but the rebels have claimed the city and the country for themselves. They are in control of what is left of our navy and undoubtedly will soon have access to government funds if they don't already.
It is our assessment that they are in no state to continue the goals of domination that characterized my brother's regime. The war took as much from them as it did from us. As it took from all the peaceful people of the Fire Nation who's only desire was to live in peace.
But make no mistake. A lack of means is not a lack of desire. They believe fully in the poisoned lie that begin with Sozin, a lie that has wrought great destruction on our world before.
It is a lie that can only be combated by the truth. The truth that unity among nations, as equals, can bring true peace. That only the elements together, in harmony, can be successful-- as the Avatar well knows."
ix.
He'd fled his country once before as a child, half blind and in pain. Now a man grown, he watches the mountains of the archipelago fade into the distance again, maybe truly for the last time.
Finding the Avatar was meant to be a futile request but at least there was a promise of return. That hope was gone now.
In some ways it's not so different from his first exile, though now he's solely broken in heart rather than in both mind and body. He sticks to his room and then the bow and ignores everyone on the Agni-forsaken ship.
They don't talk to him either, not even Katara.
She's here because of course she is. He wants to be angry at her, for showing up when his life was falling apart, but he can't muster the emotion. Not when she rose a ship from the ocean's depth to save their skins. Not when she showed up against what he knows were likely everyone else's wishes.
Instead he keeps his knotted gratitude and frustration buried deep inside him, like always, and doesn't say a word to her the entire journey.
She doesn’t push but she's never been good at hiding her feelings and he can't miss the anger behind every sympathetic look she shoots his way.
x.
The South Pole is crisp-cold and Katara relishes the way it burns her nose when she inhales as they make their way down the gangplank. She could never move home, not permanently; she'd long ago lost the patience the harsh environment required. It was too still a place for her restlessness. Still, distance really did make the heart grow fonder.
Behind Zuko's towering frame she can see the yellow of Aang's robes fluttering in the breeze and her brother's wild gesticulation. They're already deep in discussion by the time she reaches them.
It's not a happy reunion.
"You're the Avatar! You're meant to keep balance and you did nothing!"
Zuko's voice is hoarse with anger and Aang shifts his weight uncomfortably but doesn't back away.
"I understand you're upset Zuko--"
"Do you?"
"Balance is to be kept between nations, between elements and between this world and the spirits." Aang grimaces, "Intra-nation conflict is not the purview of the Avatar."
Zuko seethes. "Do you know what they'll do to them? Do you know what they'll do those who are left? The reformers who helped you build your city of unity? Anyone who supported me?"
"Zuko," Sokka warns until Aang silences him with a gently raised hand.
"They're going to kill them Aang. They won't jail them, or exile them. They will kill them. They will kill them where they stand and proclaim it as a warning," Zuko hisses.
Aangs shoulders drop ever so slightly and for the briefest moment the all powerful Avatar disappears and Katara sees the sweet boy who woke up to a world on fire and had more compassion that he knew what to do with.
"Zuko," Aang tries gently. Zuko shakes his head, stepping back from his friend.
"This is your fault," he whispers, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "If you had the courage to just kill my father, instead of mangling his chi so bad--"
He cuts himself off with a huff of smoke and storms off back to the ship.
Sokka watches him go, mouth pressed into a thin line. Katara fills the empty space next to Aang, resting a hand on his arm.
"He's hurting, it's not personal."
"There's nothing--"
"I know Aang, I know."
xi.
"You can't have it both ways! You can't reject our help and then hold a grudge against Aang!"
The snow between him shifts suddenly and his legs fall out from beneath him. He lands in a heap on the cliff's edge, watching Katara storm toward him under the midnight sun.
He pushes himself to his feet, leveling a glare at the waterbender. "I didn't need your help."
"Excuse me?"
"I didn't need your help Katara!" She startles when he shouts, hands fisting at her side. Let her be angry. Spirits knew he was. "I didn't need a friend. I needed the support of my fellow heads of state, from Aang. I asked, repeatedly, and received radio silence!"
He'd gotten closer to her and she breaks his gaze when he's close enough to touch, focusing intently on her boots instead. He knows the look on her face all too well from his youth.
Shame.
The cruel part of him is satisfied. But the part of him who was once a good friend, who had and would trust this woman with his life, feels guilt tugs at his heart. Yes he's angry-- furious even-- but he can see the stack of unopened letters on his desk. And the open ones, read without reply. Most every update since she left her ambassadorship. Left the Fire Nation.
He didn't need her help. Doesn't mean he didn't want her... her help.
Katara recovers, ice coating every word. "You know it's complicated."
The worst part is she's right. His Uncle would have said the same thing.
No amount of policy reversals would undo the wounds of a hundred years so quickly. Their violent and rotten core. He knew that. He knows that. He was naive to think he could fix it alone. But perhaps he was even more naive to think he could wield the leftover hegemonic force of his government and land it gently in Republic City to ask for more, more, more.
More forgiveness.
More aid.
More of everything the rest of the world hadn't received.
It was hypocritical at best and yet...
He's so, so exhausted.
Katara starts for him when he sinks back into the snow she'd tossed him in earlier. The cold seeps through his robes, soaking his knees but her hand burns where it rests on his shoulder.
"I love my country, Katara. I know you think they're monsters."
"You never were your forefathers, Zuko"
"Much good that did me."
Her brow furrows, mouth dropping into a frown.
"You stopped the bloodshed, by leaving."
"But at what cost?"
"You wouldn't have been good to anyone dead, Zuko. Not your people..." She hesitates. "Not us."
It hits him like a punch to the gut, the air rushes out of his lungs and he pitches forward, head coming to rest against Katara's knees.
He cries for the first time since Uncle met him in the courtyard and told him Mai was dead. Katara drops down to her knees, wraps her arms around his shoulders and lets him.