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You hadn’t been sure what to expect when Elliott invited you to the docks, but you had known that whatever it was would be nice because it meant you could spend time with Elliott. For a long while now, your thoughts would drift to the writer, and ever since the release of his book, it’s been harder and harder to focus.
But it was a nice kind of distraction. The kind that left your heart fluttering and a dopey smile on your face.
Of course you’d agree to whatever Elliott had planned. You could hardly imagine rejecting him.
You ran your fingers over the rowboat he had fixed up, a soft smile on your lips as you pretended to think about his offer of a maiden voyage, as though your mind wasn’t already made up.
“Sure,” you finally said, your smile growing as you looked back at him.
He returned the grin, and before you knew it, you were a little ways away from shore and Elliott was turning to you fully, no longer rowing out to sea. You gently drummed your fingers on your knees as he took a deep breath.
“So my book’s been out for a while now…” he started. “It’s not a best-seller or anything, but it’s been getting some good reviews from the critics.” Elliott’s face flushed slightly, his expression softening and he leaned forward a little, all his attention on you. “And I really couldn’t have done it without your moral support.”
He chuckled slightly, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “Actually… that’s not true. I would have finished it either way. But… I am grateful that you believed in me… in my vision… And, well…” he laughed nervously, diverting his gaze for the first time since he began speaking.
“Ah… how do I say this?” His face turned a darker shade of pink as he looked to you once more. He took a shaky breath before reaching for one of your hands, and you let him take it, giving it an encouraging squeeze and ignoring the thundering of your heart in your ears.
“Well, we’ve been friends for a while now… But I’m… I’m not sure if I feel that way about you anymore.”
Your eyes widened and you jerked back slightly, almost like you’d been burned. “What?”
Elliott flinched and frantically shook his head, squeezing your hand as though to keep you in the boat, like if he let go you’d decide to jump ship instead. “Agh! No, no! Sorry, that’s- that’s not what I meant. I don’t- I don’t want to cut ties with you or anything like that, I swear. Yoba, that was a terrible way to phrase things-” he said in a rush, closing his eyes tightly and taking a steadying breath. “I meant the opposite, actually,” he said after a moment of composing himself.
His cheeks continued to turn darker hues of red as he considered how to phrase things. You took the chance to calm down from your own momentary panic, heart still beating quickly but no longer racing. He laughed after a few more seconds of silence.
“Sorry, I… I’m trying to think of how to phrase this, but… but for once, I’m at a loss for words…”
He idly rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb, grip turning soft. You tilted your head.
“Is there… Is there a way for you to say it without words?” you asked, finally able to find your voice again.
Elliott hummed quietly, his gaze flickering over your face for a moment before nodding. He scooched closer to you, and with his free hand cupped your face. Your eyes widened as he leaned forward but stopped just centimeters away. He stroked your jaw lightly with his thumb.
“May I?”
You swallowed thickly, your face feeling incredibly warm that you suspected you were flushing more than him. It took great effort to nod minutely, so distracted by how close he was and the fact that he was holding you so gently and then-
And then his lips pressed to yours and you just melted.
Suddenly both of Elliott’s hands were on your face, holding you like you were the most precious thing in the world, and it could have been seconds or hours before you pulled a breath away, a realization dawning on you.
You never told him.
Yoba, you haven’t told anyone in the valley you were trans yet, have you?
Lewis knew, since he’d known you since you were a child, but he swore to keep it a secret when you’d asked. As far as anyone else was concerned you were a cis guy.
The thoughts began to race.
What if Elliott didn’t…
What if he had a problem with that?
Logically, you knew that he probably didn’t, but you’d met plenty of people in your life who did. Sometimes the people who appeared the most accepting turned out to be the most bigoted people you had ever encountered.
If Elliott was like that…
Faintly, you heard Elliott say your name as he pulled just a bit further away. His lips were tipped downward in a tiny, concerned frown. “Are you alright? You… you’re trembling…”
Upon him pointing it out, you realized you were indeed trembling. You looked down at your shaking hands and it was getting a little harder to breathe now.
He said your name again, his expression growing more worried as seconds ticked by with you still trembling and silent.
Yoba, you had to tell him, didn’t you?
“I… I’m…” He took both of your hands in his now, giving you his own encouraging squeezes as you fumbled for the words. You swallowed thickly, your mouth suddenly feeling very dry. “I need to tell you something… before this goes any further.”
Elliott nodded slowly. “Al-Alright.” He chewed on his lip, searching your face. “Take your time, okay?” He smiled sweetly, reassuringly, encouragingly.
You exhaled slowly, gripping his hands tightly and closing your eyes.
Oh, please be fine with it , you thought. Please, please, please…
“I’m… trans.”
Silence.
Elliott’s hold on your hands loosened slightly, and after the silence continued to stretch on you chanced a look at his face.
He was still frowning slightly, but it had eased up since you had last looked at him.
You internally winced, took a deep breath, and rushed to get the words out before they failed to be spoken at all.
“I’m a trans man. And- And I probably should have told you before, but I didn’t think it was- I just, I don’t know, didn’t think I needed to, it never seemed necessary, but then I started liking you a lot and then we just kissed and I realized I never told you and I know that lots of people don’t want to be with someone who’s trans and you have a right to know before it got serious and I get it if you don’t want to be with me after this, really, I do, just-” You finally stopped to take a breath, Elliott’s frown having gotten deeper as you had rambled. “Yeah,” you finished lamely, refusing to look him in the eye.
Elliott bit his lip lightly but his hands tightened in yours ever so slightly, and your face burned as you realized just how strong your grip had gotten during your little speech. You made to pull them away but Elliott held them firmly in place.
He said your name softly, almost sadly. He repeated your name when you didn’t look up, and it wasn’t until he said it a third time that you finally met his gaze.
“You being trans doesn’t change how I feel about you,” he whispered, leaning into your space but it wasn’t suffocating, and you found yourself unconsciously leaning closer as well. “I… I’m sorry you felt obligated to tell me, instead of when you wanted to, if ever.”
You exhaled slowly, and there was a stinging in your eyes. “It… really doesn’t change anything? You still… want to be together…?”
He smiled softly, reaching up to brush your cheek. “Yeah. And, if this relationship doesn’t work out - I have no doubt that it will - but if it doesn’t, then know that you being transgender would never be part of the reasoning, okay?” He leaned forward and kissed your cheek, giving the hand still clasped in his a reassuring squeeze.
You sniffled and giggled at the same time, nodding.
You felt lighter now, less like something was constricting your lungs and weighing down on your heart.
Looking at Elliott now, you returned the small smile and moved to give him another soft kiss.