Chapter Text
Marjorine Stotch is my name.
And I'm trapped in a boy's body.
I described myself at age 10 and have been hidden in Leopold's head ever since. I've been hidden for at least 5 years, and it hurts.
All these years being a Leo are a blur, I don't want to remember the torture it is to be someone I'm not. I'm not a Leo, I'm Marjorine, I'm a sweet, smiling girl, but I'm not free.
It hurts me to see how I have a penis, more girls don't have a penis; I may have all the physiology of a boy, but I'm not one. I am a girl and I am proud to be.
How Leo I feel trapped, imprisoned and as if my whole life was a lie.
Smiling when all I want to do is cry.
Cry because I'm not free. Why do they force me to be something I'm not, because if they revealed me, no one would accept me.
But for my safety, it's better to be quiet. Hide behind Leo, and when I'm alone, be happy
Butters it's time to go to school
My mother called me. Maybe she would be more understanding with me if she revealed my secret to her.
—Señorito, your mother I speak to you, you better take that butt to school immediately
- I'm coming dad
I went down immediately, I had my usual clothes, and as always my scar on my eye.
"But what a cute little boy," my mother flattered me, "Behave at school, we don't want to hear problems from you, young man."
"Don't worry mom, behave me
She says goodbye to my parents and I close the door. I had to resist the urge to yell, I hated that the pronoun "he" would be used on me.
I walked to the school and as I took steps I looked at the girls who were playing on the sidewalk. I was envious of those little girls, they could be what they wanted to be and no one judged them.
They said that being a woman is worse than being a man. But for me, being a woman is a glory.
A glory that I could not afford to enjoy.
I got to school and when I opened the door I saw my friends. It's funny how they were the ones who gave me the idea of Marjorine, they said it would be a good plan, but now Marjorine is not just saying, it's me, and if she wanted to give birth to me, she had to fight.
— Butters, it's good that you came here- Erick approached me with his typical voice, he was trying something- Tell Kalh that Caitlyn Jenner is the strongest and bravest woman in America
"O-oh well...
— It's not true asshole, being Trans does not mean that she is a good person, just as all invalids are not exactly good and kind
I watched as my friends argued. The truth is that Caitlyn Jenner seemed like an example to follow, as a trans person, not as a person. That she had the courage to proclaim herself Trans despite her age and that she already had a life made as a man was admirable. I just hope I don't have to wait that long to reveal myself.
- And what do you say Butters?
— Huh?
"What do you think about Caitlyn Jenner?" Cartman asked.
—As a person she could be better, but as a Trans she is an example to follow. How To think of her age and her family coming out is just fantastic and a breakthrough for the world
I realized that I got carried away when I saw that my friends looked at me strangely, as if I were the rarest thing in the world.
"Don't break my balls, Butters."
"See, I told you, Gordo.
-Shut up you stupid Jew
Erick and Kyle kept fighting and I just watched them. I cringed a little at Erick's words. He was supposed to want to be free, but if my own friend tells me that he'll break his balls. This is how others would treat me.
— Hey, are you alright?
Stan came up to me and asked for me. I sighed, Stan was the only sane one among this crazy crazy world.
- Yeah, it's just Cartman being Cartman.
The bell rang and I went straight to my class with my friends.
I sat next to Craig and Kenny. Craig was always writing poems and drawing Lara Tweek cartoons. It must be nice to have someone who always thinks of you. Kenny on the other hand was very joking with me. Sometimes in class he would send me little pieces of paper asking me to pass him my... Pack? Whatever that is.
—If my penis were a pencil, and your ass my canvas, with my wait I would write that I love you
I blushed violently upon hearing that 'poem'. But seeing Kenny's laugh I knew he was just kidding. He had a girlfriend, Tammy. A girl a year older than us, we both had a particular relationship but they loved each other. Tammy was the owner of Kenny's heart, something that I did not get in my time; but now, my 15-year-old self, was only happy for the happiness of a friend.
Classes went normally. Even though Mr. Garrison told us about his love life and how sad they are about his divorce... but we paid attention to him to miss class hours.
Recess arrived and with it my desire to urinate.
Now is where the real challenge begins.
There were 3 types of toilets in the school.
There were the feminine, masculine and others.
The last one was for those who did not identify themselves as the first 2.
I was a woman, who should remain a man. But I was still afraid to go into the girls' bathroom think it was allowed.
People speak and words expand.
So enjoy my recess like any other. I had lunch with my friends, played soccer with Stan and chatted a bit with Tammy, she and I had become good friends.
How she told them she. It made me want to go to the bathroom, and I wasn't confident enough to go to the girls' bathroom.
So I was going to go to the third.
They had already rung the bell and everyone was in their classrooms, even so I checked around to confirm that there was no one, indeed, I was alone. I took advantage of that and entered the inclusive bathroom.
I lowered my pants and looked badly at my member, what I would give to have a vagina. I sat on the toilet and breathed a sigh of relief that I could finally go to the bathroom. Holding it in for so long wasn't healthy, but it was relieving when I could finally sit on the toilet and not be judged. I never liked urinals.
I cleaned myself and before leaving I saw again if there were no Moors on the coast. Fortunately there was not and I left without being seen by anyone.
Or so I thought...
- Butters?
My skin crawled when I heard my male name.
I turned slowly and watched as Dougie walked out of the men's room.
"Were you...in the inclusive bathroom?"
I was screwed. I was confident enough with Dougie but I don't think he understands it, he's only 12 years old. I was afraid that he would look at me badly, and he would lose his friendship for something as subjective as gender. I had to invent something soon...
— Yes — Well done Marjorine, you stupid beggar, you already scared the child away — But I wasn't using it I was...checking my phone, why is it forbidden in the corridors.
An hour of sweat fell down my forehead from how nervous I was. Dougie narrowed his eyes, apparently he didn't believe me.
- Alright. You are my best friend, you never lie to me
That was a blow to my little peach heart.
I said goodbye to him and went to class.
That was close. I'm sorry Dougie, I love you; But you're not ready to know the truth Nobody is...
When the school day ended, I quickly went home.
When the school day ended I quickly went home.
My parents were sitting in the living room reading a book and I greeted them with a smile.
- Hello mom hello dad
Damn demon spawn
"How was class today, darling?" my mother asked.
— Very well, Mr. Garrison told us about his divorce
— Butters! Do you go to school just to find out about the teachers' private lives?
— No, dad. It is just that...
"But nothing, young man. You go to your room, you're grounded for tonight.
I went up to my room. Butters had a downcast face: but I, I was delighted.
— This way you will learn to pay attention in class and not to the personal life of others.
I closed my door and locked it.
I smiled to be in my room, the only space where I can be myself. I closed more windows and slowly took off my clothes.
I opened my closet and took out that blonde wig that I had talked about over time.
I wanted to wear it but it was too risky. If my parents knew who I was they would be horrified, they denied me as their daughter and I would earn the contempt of the whole city.
It is one thing to accept the love between 2 men. And it was quite another to accept a friend's gender change.
I just started doing my homework and listening to music. Lore was my favorite singer, she if she knew how I felt.
Hours later I was called to dinner. I went downstairs and ate quickly without paying much attention to my parents.
You know, sometimes I dream of the day when I can be with them without being Butters, just Marjorine. That would be the happiest day of my life.
When I finished I washed my plate and feigning sadness I said good night to my parents to go up to my room.
When he makes sure everyone is asleep, yell quietly.
At last, at last alone, at last free.
I put on my Hello Kitty pajamas, and grabbed the wig.
She went to the mirror I had in my room and looked me up and down. Without the wig, the truth is that I only saw Butters, the Butters that everyone wanted to see. But not now, now that these are all I can only be myself.
— Goodbye Butters — and without further ado I put on my wig — Hello Marjorine...