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Chapter Text

i won't let you go / baby, i don't care what your past is / i don't need no answers / just have faith in me

- safe with me, sam smith.

clarke leaves camp jaha, haunted by the fallen mountain. she leaves bellamy behind who offers her forgiveness. she walks past the gates, away from the sense of security it offers. (they should lock her up, she is the one who is dangerous, she is the one who committed the massacre of three hundred lives. it only feels right to be outside of those gates rather than inside.) she walks away from the friends she saved from death, away from jasper who cannot look at her the same way he did when they first reached the ground, away from monty, from octavia, from raven, from her mom.

she walks into the trees, taller than her by a mile, into the darkness. all she has are her handgun, the clothes on her back and the faces of the innocent people she murdered in her mind. when she sleeps, she either dreams of their lifeless bodies; their burnt skin, dead eyes, mouth half-open as if trying to scr—

or she dreams of nothing, abstract colours, patterns. she likes those better, but it doesn't make her feel any lighter. she always wakes up even more exhausted than before she closed her eyes, even more weighed down. (there were no variations in her dreams— nightmares— they were all mostly screaming children, screaming innocents, their never-ending chant of murderer, maya's burnt face begging, pleading for her life, cage wallace and that infuriating smirk he wears.)

.

she wanders in the woods, comes across a panther once, kills it with two shots of her handgun. she's left with eight bullets in her clip.

.

she unknowingly travels east, for roughly three weeks.

(it could have been more than that, if you asked her. months, years, decades, they all seemed to be an endless blur of sunrises and sunsets.)

.

she wakes up one morning to the sounds of screaming. (at first she thinks its another nightmare; her eyes are closed but she can feel the rough bark of the tree she's leaned up against, and the tips of her fingers are cold and she hears what sound like horse hooves, but there weren't any horses in the mountain, so what—)

the clop, clop, clopping of hooves on the ground sounds closer now and clarke blinks her eyes open, willing her body to move and hide herself. the screaming is louder now than in her head, and she manages to sneak in between bushes, closer to the source, to investigate what's going on. her heart is hammering in her chest and her mouth is dry — when was the last time she had a drink? — when she sees smoke, and flames, and grounders—

they wear the ice nations band around their arm, the colour blue on some of their faces, and she recognises one of them as quint's second, before he raises his sword and slashes another man's throat. the colour of blood being spilled on the ground causes clarke to fall backwards, to get away from here, to hide.

but it's too late and she's forced to press herself against a tree and beg to someone, somewhere, that she's not seen.

she's not, thankfully, because quint's second, argos, lets out a yell— a cry of victory, before pointing his bloody sword at a woman. clarke can see the woman's back, her shoulders trembling, but her head raised in defiance as she's knelt over the dead man's body. argos speaks to her, clipped native tongue that clarke does not understand a word of, and she does not reply.

to clarke's right, a lanky child, no older than twelve, shoots an arrow right into argos' arm. it happens too fast; argos yells out in pain and the child is captured by his men, the woman, who has taken the opportunity to run, barely makes it ten steps away from where she knelt, when her eyes widen and she gasps quietly, (and clarke is sure that they've made eye contact). the woman opens her mouth as if to shriek, but instead nothing comes out and she falls to her knees, bowing her head, and it is only then that clarke notices a knife, a throwing knife, embedded in her back.

(the healer, the medic, in clarke automatically calculates the exact position of the knife in her back. it looks like it's stuck between her fourth and fifth rib, possibly piercing a lung, on her left hand side. clarke does not know how deep it is, but she knows if the woman does not get help soon, she'll drown in her own blood.)

her feet are telling her to move, to help, and the woman is still kneeling and struggling to keep her head up, and argos is coming closer, and now the woman is coughing up blood and clarke is frozen when she realises—

—there is a bundle wrapped around the woman's torso.

there is a child's hand, sticking out of said bundle, trying to clutch at the woman.

oh, for the love of— it's a baby.

and argos is behind the woman, yanking out the knife and earning a pained yelp from her, and clarke has her gun in her hand, pointed between argos' eyes, and she doesn't pull the trigger fast enough because he slits the woman's throat and she's falling over.

falling over the baby.

argos knows, because he hears the child whimper, he hears the following wail, and he turns around and walks away, and clarke is shaking and she pulls the trigger, and a shot rings out. for a second it drowns out the noise of nature, the terrified shrieking somewhere within the village, the burning wood, the swords clashing—

and that second is gone, and argos slumps forward, unmoving.

and all clarke can think is he's dead, he's dead, he's dead—

the baby is still crying and clarke is trembling on her feet, pressing palms on the woman's body (dead, dead, dead, dead) and taking the squirming child into her arms before running as fast as she can into the woods. she can hear more yelling, and they've probably found argos' dead body by now, along with the woman's, and clarke woke up today and got blood on her hands (literally and figuratively) and the baby has taken to whimpering instead, and oh god— there's blood on its cheek, its mother's, warm and wet— and its green eyes, glistening with tears are looking up at clarke.

and for a moment, she remembers another pair of green eyes, standing out in black kohl. her chest aches and her brain betrays her some more by thinking of those lips and the way they curled around her name and she can't breathe—

she can't breathe because she's just ran across the woods with a gun in her hand and a baby in her arm, and she slumps back against a tree and takes a moment to get herself together. the child is still whimpering, and she uses the blanket loosely wrapped around it to wipe the blood away, and she shushes the child, quietly begging for silence, for peace, for safety. the child wraps its tiny fingers around hers, and clarke rocks her arm, and hums quietly.

it isn't until the child is sleeping quietly, after she has managed to make a fire to keep both of them warm while the child babbled tiredly in her lap that she's realised—

she killed a man today.

she watched a whole village burn down.

she saw the death of a woman, a mother.

she hasn't eaten since last night, and she's so fucking thirsty.

and when she looks down, her blue eyes meet green, and she's filled with dread. how the hell is she supposed to take care of a baby?

.

it's the morning after, (the definition of the phrase has developed greatly since she arrived on the ground), and clarke decides to pick berries and mush them to a soft consistency to feed the now crying, hungry child. it's the berries that monty taught her to pick, the ones that aren't poisonous, the ones that don't cause hallucinations, the ones that are safe.

clarke's arms are getting tired from holding the child, her, switching from her left arm to her right, rocking and bouncing and trying to calm her down.

(she discovered the child is a girl last night, when she smelled something foul in her arms and remembered that children cannot control anything, not even their bladder. it took nearly two hours to change her, because the water in the stream nearby was too cold and clarke was exhausted, and the clothes that covered the child are gone now— clarke does not and will not deal with the fact that it will happen again soon, and the blanket, the only thing covering the child will suffer the same fate of her soiled clothes, she does not want to deal with that, not yet.)

the child spits the berries out when clarke gently pushes them into her mouth. clarke tries again and the child bites her.

(that is how she discovers that the baby has teeth, and is not an actual baby, more like a toddler. clarke estimates her age to be around one or two, as she shakes the pain away from her bitten hand.)

the child freezes, then opens her mouth to wail again, but her eyes are on clarke and they're almost apologetic, like she's realised she has hurt clarke. and clarke obviously cannot bring herself to be angry, not even close, so she holds the child closer to her, soothing her with by humming. she tries to feed her again after the child gets tired of crying, and she only receives a scrunched up face, an indication of what these berries taste like; sweet, tangy.

(she only spits out the crushed berries twice after that: first, when she feels a hard pip on her tongue. second, when she decides she's finished and she's bored. clarke would let out an exasperated sigh, similar to the one her mother used to give her.)

she grins cheekily at clarke, and tries to claim her nose in her tiny fingers.

.

eventually, when clarke's thirst was sated but her hunger was not, and the child was entertained with her golden hair (a contrast to her own dark locks), clarke decides to head back the way she ran, to the village, to see what had happened, to see if there were survivors. it takes about an hour, and she recognises the bushes she hid in— and she holds the child tighter in her arms— and peeks through them.

she hears yelling, she recognises trigedasleng, and she recognises the voice in front of her.

"tel heda op, em don ge frag op." it's indra, standing over the man clarke killed, argos. the woman's body had been dragged away, her blood leaving a trail. "tell the commander he has been killed."

clarke recognises one of indra's seconds, a young boy, barely a man, clarke remembers his dislike for them, the sky people. he nods and walks, following the blood trail, towards the centre of the village, where other corpses lie.

clarke's eyes follow him and he reaches someone, with long braids and a red sash from her shoulder to her hip, her face free of kohl, and clarke—

clarke, for a moment, forgets the child in her arm and jostles her a bit, and the child lets out a squeal, and then indra's sword is flashing out of its sheath and she's stepping over argos' body and towards the bushes and clarke does not know whether to run back, towards the stream and away from here, or to jump out of the bushes and reveal herself.

she doesn't get to decide, because she hears lexa's voice, "indra." the woman raises a hand and keeps her eyes in the bushes, and lexa gets the hint and now her sword's out too and they're both carefully stepping towards clarke and the child— the baby— oh god.

the baby is slipping out of clarke's arm, because her arm is going numb and she needs to switch her to her other arm, but that will cause the bush to shake, and indra and lexa are getting closer and the baby is slipping and—

clarke jostles the child back into place, her arm aching for relief, and the bush betrays her and shakes and indra closes in and pushes the leaves out of the way, revealing them.

(the last thing lexa expects to see is klark kom skaikru kom goufa, clarke of the sky people with a baby.)

it's when the baby coos, raising one of her hands to reach for this new person, that clarke brushes her hand against the gun and lexa's eyes widen by a fraction. "clarke," the way lexa's tongue curls around her name nearly makes her shiver, and she stands up from being crouched down, and switches the child to her other arm, and lexa withdraws her sword, returning it to its sheath and resting her hand on the hilt, and indra is following suit.

they don't see her as a threat. clarke has no idea what to say. all she can think of is the way her heart was torn out of her chest when lexa spoke to her last, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, her unwavering voice murmuring, "i'm sorry, clarke," and "may we meet again," and the lever, and the shrieking voices with their bodies burning—

she doesn't want to talk about that, not right now, not with a child babbling happily in her arms, not with indra glancing between her and said child, not with lexa standing there, eyes trained at her, asking a million questions but not one out loud.

so clarke says something that connects her to their current predicament, "i killed him."

and indra and lexa, who have seemingly forgotten about argos' dead body behind them, turn their heads when clarke gestures towards him with her still numb left hand. "i shot him with my gun, he killed this baby's mother."

lexa nods and glances at the baby, her eyes softening a bit, then she says, "he is a traitor."

so are you, clarke thinks bitterly, but she bites her tongue and indra echoes what lexa said, "natrona," and turns around and begins hauling the body away. "traitor." indra's second jogging towards her to help her.

"how did you get here, clarke?"

and now she feels her right arm beginning to numb, the child is small for her age (for what clarke thinks is her age) but she's heavy when you've been holding her all day, and clarke doesn't answer the commander, just readjusting the baby and checking if she's okay, if her eyes indicate tiredness, if her mouth is curled into a frown.

but the baby's fine, and she seems unaware of the tension between the new people in her life, and she babbles some more and earns an affectionate smile from clarke. (she likes clarke.) lexa doesn't seem to mind that her question goes unanswered, and she seems to sense clarke's aching shoulders, "you can put her down, she can walk."

clarke doesn't ask how she knows that, and she would love to give her arms some rest, but her heart beats a little wildly at the thought of this child walking on the ground, away from her. (it's because she has constantly associated the ground with the word danger, and that is one thing she will never put this child in, not if she can help it.)

the fact that she has become attached to this child after one night doesn't alarm her. it's the fact that lexa looks at the child and speaks, "yu gaf breik kom em au, goufa?" and clarke isn't well-versed in trigedasleng to translate fast enough. "would you like to roam free, child?"

the child grins at lexa, "sha!" she claps her hands excitedly. "yes!"

clarke doesn't know what lexa had just said, but it has something to do with the current fact that the child now looks up at her with a grin, and she's squirming, as if trying to get down. and clarke's numbing arm loses grip and the child's feet are on the grass and her toes wiggle and the blanket around her is falling. lexa has an amused glint in her eyes and she kneels before her, tying the makeshift toga around the child properly, and brushing her fingers on her sides, making the child giggle.

and clarke? clarke's looking down at both of them with fondness, forgetting for a moment that there's a blood trail next to them, a growing number of corpses in the centre of the village, and that this child, this child is probably hers now.

.

they don't speak— lexa keeps her distance, but she's still close enough to hear if clarke ever said something to her, and clarke is pretending that lexa is even there at all. she's focusing on the child, who's now clutching her hand and looking around the village with curious eyes, looking for the familiar faces.

this used to be her home, she took her first steps near the healer's hut, where her brother stayed for nearly a month after coming home from a hunt with a broken leg and a hilarious tale of being chased by a boar bigger than him. she didn't understand things then, she only had a year of her life, but she laughed when her nontu laughed, and grinned along with her nomon who would shake her head disapprovingly but nod along as he retold the story.

(her brother was seven and he was her knight, carrying her around on his back and creating adventures for her and whispering nonsensical things into her ear to make her laugh.)

this used to be her home, she spoke her first word by the boulder near the bushes clarke hid in, she was on her twelve year old sister's lap, she was nearing her first birthday, and she clapped her hands and said, "sanch!" her sister laughed, surprised to hear her baby sister speaking, but not surprised at the particular word. "lunch!"

(her second word was nou. her nontu, he laughed heartily when he asked her if she wanted to nap, and she had replied with, "nou," a serious expression on her adorable face. "no." that word was spoken just outside their hut, which was now only ruined smoking embers.)

now the child is around a year and half old, and she's clever for her age, and she's only spoken those two words all her life, and today she spoke her third. "houm!" her finger pointed at what once was her family's hut. "home!"

clarke can see the confusion in the child's face, and she's tugging at clarke's hand and repeating the word over and over again, trying to make clarke understand, and she does. she understands and it's breaking her heart, because the child knows exactly where her houm was, but it is not home anymore.

clarke bends down to pick up the child, holding her close and the child begins to cry, because she's confused, because what happened to her home? because where is her stubborn bro and her brave sis? because where is her nontu with his braided beard and her nomon with her warm hazel eyes? because clarke is not stepping forward to where she is pointing, to where her home once stood. lexa takes her pointing finger and closes her hand around the child's, and whispers something clarke couldn't hear, and the child whimpers and lexa says, "emo gonplei ste odon."

"their fight is over."

the child understands, and clarke's heart couldn't possibly break anymore now, because this child is barely two and she understands, and she's clutching clarke's hair in her tiny fists, and she mutters a quiet, "nou."

lexa lets go of the child's hand and watches clarke soothe her, and she's mesmerized for a while, because clarke loses that haunted look in her eyes for a moment and kisses the child's forehead, rubbing her palm on her back. she hums quietly and they're both close to each other, letting a child grieve. (clarke thinks she is too young to know how loss feels, too young to feel anything other than overflowing happiness.)

and everyone around them is stealing glances at the skai prisa and the trigedakru heda and this child, standing in front of their late fisa's hut, their late healer's hut, his daughter in the arms of the skaikru who felled the mountain. the commander knows who this child is, the gift this child bears, but clarke does not, and clarke does not yet understand her significance to the child. clarke does not yet understand that she is all this child has now.

.

clarke learns that a messenger managed to escape the massacre and alert the commander in tondc. (the word massacre falls from indra's lips and clarke is reminded of the boy who massacred eighteen people for her, murmuring, i found you. finn's eyes flash in clarke's mind and she is reminded of the boy who massacred eighteen people and was tied to a post. death was his fate and clarke gave it, clarke gave death, and death, and death—)

the commander's troops were too late. they arrived to find a village burned down and all of its inhabitants dead, some mutilated, some in their own pool of blood. they did not go down without a fight, as there were six corpses, marked with the ice nation's band, corpses lined up separately from the villagers.

(lexa also separates the child's family. clarke counts a mother, a father, a boy and a girl. she recognises the girl as the one who shot the arrow at argos' arm. she holds the child tighter.)

the child has been silent for a while, only occasional sniffle and deep breaths, and it's only a matter of time before she wails her grief, as should anyone who lost everything the day before. the messenger, the other survivor of this massacre besides the child, walks up to clarke and nods in greeting. "skai prisa," he starts, "sky princess."

clarke bristles at the title, but he continues, "the child is stegeda prisa, her name is dany."

(later, lexa translates for her: "village princess.")

clarke repeats her name in her head, dany, dany, dany. the child looks up when she hears her name. she recognises him, the tall lanky young man who has been trying to court her sister, the messenger, marko, answers the questions clarke was asking yesterday when she was clutching this child with a wildly beating heart. "she is only one year old, two in four months. her father was the healer, and her mother was heda kom ronwekru."

(and much later, lexa explains: ronwekru was composed of stragglers, traitors, bandits, raiders, thieves, runaways. those banished from their lands, or managed to escape their fated death.)

(lexa would then say, you would have fit right in, clarke, because she ran from her people. she ran from the people she saved.)

(clarke would then say, so would you, because she betrayed clarke. natrona, clarke would bark.)

this child was the village princess, not that clarke would know what that means, but she had a title, so she must be important. this child's mother was the commander of this village, so she was definitely important. this child's name is dany, and clarke is soothing dany's back and holding her close as they watch the bodies burn, and clarke's eyes meet lexa's across the flames, and she knows, she cannot do this alone.

it turns out lexa had planned for her to not do this at all. she approaches clarke after the bodies have been turned to ashes, her warriors are now trying to salvage what they can of the village, asking marko what this hut was for and whose it was, since he was the only one who knew.

(dany knew too, she knew a lot of things, but right now all she wants to do is hold onto clarke.)

"clarke, i can take her." lexa glances at the child who was now nuzzling her face against clarke's neck.

"no, it's fine, she's not that heavy anyway—"

"i meant, i can take her from you. we are going back to tondc to bring the supplies, and i will take her with me. i'll take her to the capitol, to polis. there is an orphanage there, she can settle—"

and clarke hates the idea of being separated from dany, and she hates the idea of dany being left in an orphanage, and she hates the idea that lexa can just take her away and do this.

she firmly says, "no," and dany's arms hold tighter around her.

"she's not yours to worry about, clarke." she's not yours to keep.

clarke wants to say, 'i can take care of her,' but can she? clarke hasn't eaten since yesterday morning and all she's fed this child are mushed up berries, and she can tell that weather is getting colder and she's going to have to find shelter for the winter and this child, this child will need more than what clarke is right now, an anguished girl who has too many problems to sort out. she can't take care of herself, let alone a child.

clarke manages to say, "i can't," and meets lexa's eyes, "i can't let her go."

"it's not healthy to depend on a child to make your problems go away. you are haunted, clarke, by the mountain."

you are haunted by costia. you felt something for gustus.

no, no, no. clarke shakes her head, "i'm not letting you take her." she steps back and lexa remains where she stands.

she sighs, "you cannot care for a child, not when you're wandering aimlessly in the woods." and before clarke can ask how she knows that, lexa says, "my hunters have seen you, you left your people to become solitary, to regain yourself." there's longing in her voice but it is unwavering, "you have yet to achieve that, how is this child going to help?"

and clarke realises that she's right. clarke's nowhere near herself, before the mountain. "she needs someone, lexa." she shuts her eyes and it's when clarke says her name, everything seems to flash behind her eyelids. the missile, the march towards the mountain, the pauna, the kiss—

"let someone else care for her, clarke. she is not yours to worry about." lexa repeats.

she is not yours to keep, is all clarke hears.

the child is sleeping in her arms now, and clarke has already decided what she's going to do. "i won't let you take her." and lexa lowers her head slightly, glaring now, and she continues, "i'll take her to polis myself."

Chapter Text

never have I ever been / clutching at your hair / to cure you of some sin / but that's the kind of state I'm in / swimming in a pool of godly medicine — to kingdom come, passion pit.

.

clarke decides, that she's not letting this child out of her sight unless she's sure that she will be safe.

it occurs to her that it would be easier to just hand dany over to lexa, because she knows lexa will keep her word, despite what happened between them, the fallout, the betrayal, the mountain. clarke knows this child will be safe with lexa, and she can leave and go back to sulking in the woods. but she doesn't give dany to the commander's arms, doesn't let dany go, doesn't go back to hiding in the woods and feeling the blood of the three hundred mountain men staining the palms of her hands.

lexa stares at her for a while when she says she'll take dany to the polis herself, and clarke shifts the sleeping child in her arms. "you're going to take us to polis. i'm not leaving dany with you."

what she's saying is: i am choosing not to trust you with this child, but i am choosing to trust you to help me keep her safe.

what she's thinking in her head: you left me and my people to die three weeks ago.

(clarke thinks of the last time they talked about the capitol, not today, the conversation they had weeks ago, when lexa seemed like she was nervous but clarke wasn't sure, when they stood side by side, ready to take down a common enemy. when they were allies, not friends. they were never friends. friends do not kiss each other, a tiny voice hisses in the back of her mind.)

and lexa, lexa understands what clarke is trying to say. her lips form a thin line and she says, "i did what i had to do to save my people, clarke. if you are under the impression that i owe you, you are wrong."

clarke avoids her eyes and she feels like she's going to choke, and her hand is on the child's back, and she says, "i know," then she mutters quietly that lexa almost doesn't hear, "i understand what you had to do."

and she does, she does, that's why she's here, that's why she's not in camp jaha, laughing with her friends and staying within its walls and being safe. here she is, haunted and falling apart, and bursting with guilt and disgust at herself. lexa chose her people, and clarke understands that, because she sacrificed three hundred innocent people for forty-four of her friends. she did the same, she chose her people over the mountain men, and she knows she can’t take that back. "i just, i need to do this, lexa please." i need to do this for my sanity, for her. let me do this.

and lexa sees the burden that clarke is carrying in her eyes, the unshed tears, the souls of the mountain men swimming in blue orbs and she realizes that clarke feels like she owes the world, owes the earth the lives she took, and now she's paying it back in her own way. she agrees, because what other choice do they both have? lexa is not going to let clarke try and find her way to polis by herself, or worse, clarke might decide she'll care for the child on her own in the woods, with winter approaching. she looks at the child's peaceful face and thinks of how lucky she is that klark kom skaikru is the one who found her.

(lexa will never have children. heda is not allowed to bear children. it will hinder her should troubling times come. she does not need to provide an heir, for her spirit chooses, and it is unlikely for her spirit to be passed on to her child. besides, children make easy targets, for they are naive and important and they are meant to be loved, and she should never attach herself to one, because death is the only fate of the ones she loves.)

(not clarke, not clarke.)

.

dany dreams of wolves, with snarling teeth and terrifying eyes. she dreams of her mother's throat gushing out with blood, she dreams of the big man looking down at her with a sneer before walking away.

she dreams of her home being lit aflame, the big man holding the torch, listening to her bro and her sis scream for help inside. she dreams of her father, throat sliced open and blood pouring out and more blood bubbling out of his lips, and it's too much for her to see, for a child to see. she dreams of clarke, her golden haired savior, fear in her eyes, frozen where she stood in front of the big man. the big man, the bad man, with a sword in his hand, ready to strike—

dany dreams of wolves, ripping him apart.

.

its nearing sundown, and lexa tells her warriors that they will travel back to tondc at fosson, sunrise. they've gathered what they can from the ruined village, they've mourned the dead, and now they all sit around a large fire, resting, talking.

clarke has dany on her lap, she woke up minutes ago and is now rubbing the sleepiness away from her eyes. clarke's running her hand through the child's hair, it's wavy and a rich dark colour, and she doesn't take note of indra settling down next to her. but dany notices and she sits up and blinks up at the woman, whose fierce eyes soften at her. "yu ste toli biga, goufa," she says affectionately and clarke realises that indra knows dany, from before. "you're so big, child."

she replies with a giggle and reaches for indra, the recognition clear in dany's eyes, and clarke watches indra take the child's hand and kiss it, and quietly, clarke hears, "yu gada yuj jova in. you are very brave." indra looks at clarke and then nods, that's all she's gonna give clarke, no words need to be spoken. she's grateful to the prisa who eliminated the threat that have haunted them since the old world. she's grateful that it was her who came across the child's mother and the child.

she knows argos, the man that clarke shot. she knows he was just following orders. indra knows that he did not follow all of them, because he was ordered to kill the child and he walked away. indra knows the child is a target, her adorable nose and cheerful forest green eyes and an incomplete set of small white teeth might as well be a bullseye.

(but she also knows that if clarke hadn't come across the child, there would have been no doubt that she was going to die. crushed by her mother's weight, her mother's blood smeared on her skin, suffocated, dead.)

and then indra's gone and clarke doesn''t even get the chance to ask indra how she knows the child, and how the child knows her and any kind of information that should make this easier for her, but indra's at the other side of the village now, speaking to her second.

she feels a tiny fist tug at her jacket, and she looks down, then she hears dany say, "sanch." clarke has heard this word before, this morning, when the child was nameless to her and when she cried and clarke couldn't get her to stop, and she kept saying this word over and over again. "sanch. sanch. sanch!"

dany's asking for food. behind her, one of lexa's guards hears the child speak, and chuckles before sitting down next to clarke, offering a plate of vegetables and fruit and cooked meat.

and clarke remembers that she hasn't eaten today, not at all, and this child is hungry and she says a shy and quiet thanks to the guard, who introduces himself as tren. he's tall and big and brutish, but he has jovial eyes and smiles warmly at both of them. he reminds clarke of her father.

(the way he walked reminds dany of her own nontu.)

he leaves them with clean water and clarke sets dany in front of her and takes out her dagger, slicing the vegetables and the fruit and the meat into small pieces for the child. she ends up slicing them again into smaller bite sizes when dany chokes on the first bit of meat she funnels into her mouth.

(dany only spits on clarke once this time, when she sees marko, the messenger, stumble and fall over from the log he's standing on, retelling stories filled with crude humor in trigedasleng. she laughs when his face hits the dirt and chewed up berries fall out of her mouth and land on clarke's leg when a squeaky laughter falls from her lips, and she makes a noise, "ew, dany," before flicking it off. the child laughs again at the way clarke's nose scrunches up and her tongue sticks out at the child.)

clarke discovers that dany is ticklish when they're both full and they feel safe, sitting amongst some of lexa's best warriors and clarke doesn't have to keep checking that she has her handgun on her hip. dany's taking unsteady steps around clarke and she stumbles right into her lap, and clarke wiggles her fingers when she holds dany up. the child squirms and squeals, loud enough for everyone around them to hear and it's one of the most magnificent sounds she's ever heard and she laughs before blowing a raspberry on dany's cheek.

she doesn't notice lexa's eyes on her, she doesn't notice indra's slight smirk as she stands next to her commander.

.

when the sun is gone and the woods are dark, and some of the warriors have settled in huts that weren't burned down or in their own tents, lexa approaches clarke with her hands behind her back and she almost looks apprehensive. dany's eyes are beginning to droop but she's stubborn and squirms out of clarke's lap when she tries rocking her to sleep.

"i want to show you something," is what lexa says. clarke nods and she lets dany walk, her fingers wrapped around the child's wrist, and she lets lexa lead them to a hut, half of it destroyed by fire. the strong smell of burnt wood greets her when she steps in, and she almost wants to step back out, but lexa leads her to a room, untouched by the flames, untouched by the raiders.

it's a nursery.

there are a few toys scattered on the furs that are on the floor, and dany's out of her grip and running towards a red ball that's the size of her head. it's near an open toy box, intricate designs carved into the wood. the box itself filled with colorful painted toys, some made out of wood, some are knitted soft bears of varying sizes. there's a small bed in the right corner and a wooden crib against the wall, and a shelf that's as tall as clarke, lined with books and trinkets and more toys, and there's clothes piled up on a chair to her left and she can see fluffy socks made for tiny feet, and coats and shirts that would fit dany. there's a makeshift fireplace behind the chair and the fire crackling provides warmth and a soft glow for the room.

the child's giggle snaps clarke's focus back to her, and she watches a red ball roll towards lexa's feet. there's a smile on her face and the commander is kneeling down to pick it up and bounce it, and the bouncing red ball earns another noise of excitement from dany and little legs make their way as fast as they can to the heda, her tiny hands reaching for it.

"can you say ball?" clarke's kneeling now too, next to lexa, and she says again, "baaaall. say ball, dany." dany pays her no mind and drops the ball on the ground and it bounces away from her, laughter filling the air, and she claps her hand together.

"she'll speak when she's ready," lexa says, amused, and she turns to look at clarke and their faces are so close. clarke can feel lexa's breath and lexa's eyes burning into her, the same eyes that left her with no choice, that left her pulling a lever, that left her in front of a mountain.

(and her stomach feels like it just swooped down and around because she remembers the eyes that stared at her with barely concealed affection, when they were in lexa's tent, after they kissed, after clarke said she was not yet ready.)

but the mountain, the mountain, the lever.

clarke's eyes shut as she sees their faces again, screaming in agony, screaming for mercy. she turns her head away from lexa and feels small fingers curl around her arm, and she opens her eyes to find herself looking into dany's. they're not the same shade of green that lexa has; dany's eyes remind her of a budding leaf, bright green and full of life.

(dany's eyes remind her of a new beginning, innocence that contrasts her remorse. if this is her retribution, she will take it.)

dany's eyes are fluttering, struggling to keep herself awake, she yawns and she tugs at clarke again. she's clutching a white knitted rabbit to her chest, with round pebbles for eyes and she lets out a noise to convey her impatience to her new protector. clarke understands and finally takes dany into her arms, lifting her off the ground and rocking her gently, and the child rests her head on clarke's shoulder and closes her eyes. then, she hears clarke murmur quietly to the heda, "thank you, lexa."

lexa nods and replies just as quietly, "she needs to feel safe, she is too young for this kind of upheaval. i thought she might like some sort of familiarity." dany hears a pause and just before she drifts to sleep she hears lexa continue, "she has no one now."

and the knitted rabbit falls from the child's grip, and clarke can hear soft snores, and she tells lexa, "she has me."

.

clarke learns the crimes dany's parents committed that night. her parents were both of azgedakru, the ice nation. dany's mother was one of the ice queen's most loyal guards. she fought for her kwin, dedicated her life to serve and protect her. her father was a healer, a gentle, quiet man that complimented his fierce wife.

then a seer came along, came and told her mother's fate. he predicted that her third child will be raised by the sky people, who will bring down the maun-de, the mountain. her third child will help bring death to the azgeda kwin. her third child will not be her child, but a child of nature, the woods, and the sky.

clarke learns, as lexa tells the story with a hushed voice and eyes glancing at the child sleeping in the crib every now and then, that dany's mother laughed at the seer, because there were no such thing as sky people, and she would never willingly hand her child to someone else. she did not believe the seer. the queen did not as well, because she knew that her warrior cannot bear anymore children, it was too dangerous for her. the queen kept the seer's prediction in the back of her mind, because she knew her warrior was loyal to her, because she knew her warrior already had tu yongon, two children.

clarke learns that when dany's mother found herself pregnant, the queen became paranoid, and dany's whole family was banished in the middle of winter, sentenced to die in the woods. instead, they managed to seek refuge with ronwekru, and before dany was born, her mother somehow became heda kom ronwekru.

lexa doesn't need to say what happened after that, clarke figures it all out herself. the ice queen discovered the fall of the mountain, lead by klark kom skaikru, and she sent her best hunters for a hunt, with a simple instruction: frag dei goufa op. kill that child.

six of them never made it back. (one of them, shot in the back of his head.)

and clarke is confused, because argos did not kill dany. he killed her parents but he walked away from her, and it would make sense for him to think that the baby will die eventually, but wouldn't he kill her just to make sure the ice queen's order was fulfilled?

she voices out this confusion and lexa answers with, "not everyone is loyal to their leader, clarke. the ice queen is not just. she is a tyrant."

"her name was costia. she was captured by the ice nation whose queen believed she knew my secrets. because she was mine, they tortured her, killed her, cut off her head."

and clarke knows what indra knows now. argos was following orders, and he did his duty, to a certain extent, but he also defied the ice queen. because the queen did something to him that made his loyalty falter, and if the seer said the child will bring death to her, then he will not kill the child.

(he will not save her either, because he values his life, and he values the life of his remaining family that are back home, in the north.)

(and clarke thinks maybe he'll haunt her dreams tonight, for his murder but—)

he was not an innocent. he killed dany's parents, burned down her village, left her squirming under her mother's slumped corpse. clarke's mind recalls the striking red blood smeared on the child's face, her upturned frown, her crying eyes, her helpless whimpering.

but clarke knows, innocent or not, she took a life, and it's wrong. the number of deaths keep rising, and she has too much blood on her hands, too much that she might as well be drowning in it. she presses her hands over her eyes and wonders, when will it end?

and lexa, soft eyes watching clarke, bids her goodnight. "you should sleep. we leave for tondc tomorrow."

.

clarke does not settle herself in the bed until she's watched dany sleep peacefully for nearly half an hour, debating whether she needs another fur to keep her warm or not. she lays on her side, facing the crib, her eyes watching out for movement, and eventually her exhaustion wins and sleep takes her.

.

she sleeps fitfully that night. she dreams of the children in the mountain as she does every night, crying, wailing. (there were no variations in her dreams— nightmares— but tonight, she recognises one of the children.)

dany.

dany is among the burning mountain men, crying, reaching for clarke, blood on her face and her hands, and clarke's heart feels like it's being squeezed tightly in her chest. dany's cries are loud, and ringing in her ears and—

and she opens her eyes and finds the child sobbing, standing in her crib, fists curled around the wood, tears down her cheeks.

clarke jolts out of bed and within two strides, she's standing in front of dany and scooping her up and shushing her, rocking her, soothing her. "i'm here, i'm here, it's okay." her heart is beating wildly in her chest but dany is calming down, latched onto her as much as clarke is holding her.

.

tren, lexa's guard, stationed outside the hut of the untouched nursery, pokes his head in to investigate minutes after dany's cries have subsided, and he finds the skai prisa and the child in each other's arms in the bed.

.

rays of warm sunlight trickle through the window and into the room, the fire has been long gone and clarke shivers, reaching for a blanket, fur, for something warm when she realises—

there is no other body pressed against her,  she sits up and finds herself alone, and she remembers holding the child, dany, dany, in her sleep last night, but now she is nowhere to be found and clarke panics. she shoves her feet into her boots as fast as she can and she runs out of the room, out of the hut, and the cold morning air slaps her just as she sees dany on lexa's lap, half of a plum in one of her small hands. lexa's sitting on a log near the hut and has her arms around the child, who is currently wrapped in the commander's cape to protect her from the biting cold, and she's smiling at the child and nudging the fruit into her mouth.

the blonde approaches them and dany's eyes look up at her and she grins, mouth full of plum and lexa gulps because clarke is—

clarke is wearing black shorts and her shirt, and her boots, and lexa sees skin and clarke's thighs and—

and clarke's cheeks flush and she mutters, "i'll be back," when she realises she's (not really, but sort of?) undressed and she's shivering. she practically sprints back to the hut and lexa's mouth is half open and her throat is dry.

and there is a small hand pressed against her cheek and she turns her attention back to the child in her lap, and she should not be thinking about certain things involving clarke with no clothes on, because there is a child on her lap. her cheeks feel warm and the child is rambling nonsense, but she catches the word trimani, forest, and the child is trying to have a conversation with her and lexa nods at dany and smiles, and pretends she hasn't thought about ravishing clarke in the last few seconds.

(clarke isn't faring better with her own embarrassment back in the hut. she takes her time getting dressed, and she joins lexa and dany again and avoids making eye contact with the commander.)

dany is oblivious, and finishes her plum, then she tugs at lexa and grunts until she receives another.

"mochof," lexa says, trying to get the child to say thank you, and clarke watches and listens to her repeat the word over and over again. "say mochof, goufa."

dany manages to say something that sounds like chof as she chews her breakfast, and she says it again clearly. "chof!"

clarke and lexa are smiling, proud and excited, and when they lock eyes, reality seems to come crashing back down and they look away from each other again.

.

they are gathered in the west gates of the village, getting ready to leave for tondc. clarke has dany's hand clutched in her own, and she watches tren and several other guards load up salvaged furnitures and supplies and weapons onto a cart. she recognises the toy box, and then the crib, and she sees lexa haul up a sack of clothes, separated from the rest. then she realises that it's most the stuff that was in the nursery, the things they used the night before.

(the child has taken a liking to the knitted rabbit, and when she's not clutching it, she has clarke put it in her jacket pocket, its two long ears sticking out.)

clarke thinks of what lexa said last night, of dany needing familiarity.

then, indra comes over, the reins of a light brown horse in her hand. she hands them over to clarke, who strokes the animal, and then watches as indra puts dany on the saddle. they hear, "whoa," from the child when she's settled, then she's grinning at clarke and bouncing excitedly, and indra speaks.

"you will ride with the child."

clarke follows suit, dany snuggled comfortably in front of her. she's gripping the reins with both of her hands so her arms are around the child, and soon enough, those who have horses mount them and those who do not lead the walk back to tondc. she's afraid that the horse will jostle dany too much, but five minutes later, when they're out of the gates and going deep into the forest, the child is in awe of her surroundings and not at all in any discomfort.

(clarke rides behind the commander's white horse and she doesn't stare at lexa's braids. nope.)

she asks tren how long the journey was to tondc, and he tells her it takes roughly six hours.

(at some point, when she thinks she saw shadows lurk in the corner of her eyes, she checks to see if her gun is still attached to her hip, and absentmindedly kisses the top of the child’s head.)

nearly three hours later, dany is bored from looking at endless trees and rocks and grass, and she tilts her head back and taps clarke's face with her hand. "sanch, shila." and clarke is amazed that the child's vocabulary is growing day by day, and she's even more amazed how fast lexa’s response is when the commander in front of them hears dany's words.

she yells out authoritatively, "hod op," raising her hand, "stop." all come to a halt, "we should rest for a while."

.

(later, after dany's been fed and right before they mount their horses again, clarke asks tren what shila means in english, but it is lexa, standing next to her, who answers.

"it means protector, guardian.")

.

clarke doesn’t want to deal with the fact that the child is growing attached to her, and giving her nicknames.

so she doesn’t and she lets it go.

.

it's the middle of the day and one of lexa's guards notices the sun disappearing behind thick, grey clouds. they speed up, hoping to avoid the rain, but just as they're entering the boundaries of tondc, it pours hard on them, on all of them.

and clarke takes off her jacket and wraps it around the child in front of her, the hood covering her head and falling over her face, "keep it on." dany's hugging her rabbit under the jacket and hears rain all around her, and she's a little bit wet but not soaked, and clarke is hugging her with one arm and holding onto the reins of the horse with her other hand, and squinting because she can't see. the girl who fell from the sky, who only felt rain land on her skin a few times, feels so free and so clean and she wants to laugh even though she's practically being blinded.

she hasn't felt like this in a long, long time.

they finally arrive in tondc and the horses are made to stop and everyone is hopping off them quickly, anxious to get the horses, the supplies, themselves out of the rain, meanwhile, clarke sits there and tilts her head back to look at the sky and closes her eyes, feeling raindrops land down on her face. but tren is taking the reins from her hands and lexa is taking dany into her arms, then she extends her hand to clarke to assist her off the horse.

and lexa is still holding clarke's hand and they're both drenched at this point, and dany peeks her face out of the jacket. "come," lexa says, as if asking for permission, and clarke is wiping raindrops from her eyes with her other hand, (the one not attached to the heda) and she's nodding.

she gets led to lexa's tent, which is warm and dry and lexa's setting dany on the floor and pulling her boots off. she whizzes past clarke towards her bedroom, and comes back with towels, one for clarke, herself and the child. dany has shrugged the jacket off of her head, leaving it in a small puddle on the floor, and she's staring in awe at the throne made of spears and swords and knives. "whoa." and clarke's watching her with an amused expression as she dries herself off. she finds lexa staring at her and she suddenly feels self-conscious.

"what?"

"you're wet." there's a beat, and lexa blushes and clarke figures out why and she also blushes. lexa's avoiding her eyes now, but she continues, "you can't stay in wet clothes."

then clarke, not knowing what to say, comes up with, "oh."

and it's so awkward so suddenly and the child toddles over to clarke and shivers and she says, "shila." she sniffles and there’s water droplets on the side of her face and clarke crouches down and begins dabbing the towel on dany. she pretends not to notice lexa watching her, and she looks like she wants to say something but is still finding the courage to do so.

the child sniffles again and the commander finally says, “she should have a bath.” clarke looks up but says nothing. “i can draw one now, for her.” and then clarke responds with a nod, and lexa nods too, and dany’s not as oblivious to the tension this time because she’s right in front of them, and she gently thumps her fingers on the blonde’s forehead to break her out of whatever trance she’s in.

it works because lexa’s striding away to prepare a bath and clarke continues drying her off.

.

(years and years later, if this moment is retained in her memory, dany will be able to say that it was one of the first times she rolled her eyes in her life.

and she was only a year and a half old.)

Chapter Text

I woke up with the sun / thought of all of the people, places and things I’ve loved / I woke up just to see / with all of the faces, you were the one next to me - if i lose myself, onerepublic.

.

the rain doesn't let up, if anything it just falls harder and makes everything hard to hear.

and clarke is sitting on a stool next to a half-filled bath, and dany is splashing around in the warm water. she hums happily when her shila washes her hair, scratching her scalp gently and splashing water on her shoulders before she gets cold.

(for the record, clarke has no experience in taking care of a child. no one ever had the need for babysitters back in the ark, and if they did need one for emergency purposes, the child would be left in the hands of a professional, someone who also has a child or had a child themselves. never to someone who was barely an adult, not to someone like clarke. she only had rare interactions with children as young as dany when she used to help her mom in the infirmary, keeping the little ones from crying and distracting them gentle words while her mom did a routine check-up on their parent.)

but it feels natural, to be washing suds off of dany's tiny body, to be wrapping her in a towel and drying her hair and dressing her. it's similar to being clarke, the doctor, tending to injuries and constantly checking vitals; her attention cannot be divided. but it's different to clarke, the sky princess, leading her people, an army, always thinking one step ahead, always thinking of how she can manipulate the situation. here with dany, clarke’s at peace with herself. all of her actions come instinctively and it's as if she has been doing this all her life, and she’s trying to commit all of this to her memory, kissing the child's forehead and tickling her feet before slipping socks on them.

(she doesn’t want to lose this feeling. she doesn’t want any of this to end.)

.

the dry clothes that dany's wearing came from the nursery, and they're a little bit big but she's comfortable, and now she's dressed in a white shirt and loose trousers that a little bit long. clarke folds them at her ankles so the child doesn't trip on them. it's not like she's going anywhere, anyway, because she yawns and clarke asks, "sleep?" and the child blinks up at her, she doesn’t want to rest because she wants to play, but her body is tired from the journey to tondc.

“nou.” dany mumbles.

despite her reply, clarke lifts her up and cradles dany against her chest, watches as she closes her eyes and yawns again. her small hand is clutched tightly at the collar of clarke’s shirt, and clarke takes a deep breath as she realizes that this child trusts her and depends on her so much after only two days, and clarke can’t imagine a time before that. (yes she can, yes she can, she dreams about it every night she can never forget those souls, they claw at her chest and scream in her ear. yes she can, yes she can. “i bear it so they don’t have to.”) but this child is bringing light into her heart, returning it into its original state: loving and warm and happy, slowly but surely, and someday she thinks maybe she’ll be whole again.

dany doesn’t fall asleep immediately. she’s fighting to keep her eyes open, but soon it’s a losing battle because of the way clarke’s swaying her gently, and her heart is creating the gentle beat of dany’s new favourite lullaby. neither of them hear lexa come in from the main room of her tent. clarke’s too fascinated with watching dany fall asleep; the soft fluttering of stubborn eyes, her long eyelashes and her upturned nose, her pink lips and the quiet snores the eventually escape from them. and lexa fascinated with watching clarke hold this child, and she can’t deny the fact that motherhood suits her, makes her glow and beautiful. (as if lexa ever thought of clarke in a different way.)

the commander clears her throat, and clarke looks up at her but doesn’t say anything, doesn’t stop swaying. lexa nods towards her bed situated across the room, “you can lay her down,” she says, her voice almost a whisper, stepping closer. she avoids clarke’s eyes and looks down at the child, “you two can sleep here tonight.”

“but where will you sleep?”

clarke’s biting her bottom lip and lexa averts her eyes from the sight before saying, “there’s another bed in an empty tent close by, i’ll be fine there.” she nods again before steeling herself to look into blue eyes. “you must be hungry. i can bring some food, if you like.”

and clarke’s nodding and stepping closer to the bed, but stops just as she reaches the edge of it. “thanks, lexa. you have no idea how much i appreciate this.” (she means the hospitality, she means the task of helping her take this child to polis.)

her mind recalls lexa, sitting on the ground, leaning against a fallen log, right arm bandaged up and left hand on her dagger. “it’s okay, you’re safe.”

.

lexa brings in a tray and sets it down on the table at the end of the bed. there’s two plates and she’s unsure if clarke would like for her to stay and eat with her, but her doubt is wiped from her mind when clarke takes a plate and looks up from where she’s sitting on the bed, her eyebrows raised, waiting for the commander to sit down.

they eat in silence, stealing shy glances from each other, and at the sleeping tiny lump underneath lexa’s furs. they hear soft snores and quiet whimpers every now and again, and lexa doesn’t miss the way clarke tenses and looks ready to jump at whatever has the nerve to harm dany. when clarke finishes, she asks quietly, “do you believe it? the seer?”

lexa’s sipping her drink, and she sets down her cup on the tray before replying, “i always thought it was impossible.” she pauses, remembering the message of her spies, reporting the predictions of the azgedakru seer, their incredulous expressions as they stood before their commander. but then she remembers the seer that declared her heda, announcing the spirit of the commander in the vessel of a young girl, only a few years older than dany now. then she remembers report of a crash, of people coming out of a metal ship, of people landing on the ground, coming from the sky. she smiles at clarke, “but nothing is impossible, you did fall out of the sky, after all.”

clarke looks away, her lips curling upwards. there’s silence for a little bit more, and she can hear soft raindrops landing on the roof of the tent. she can't stop thinking about the prediction, of how two of those have already been fulfilled, with the arrival of the sky people and the fall of the mountain, and she’s not sure if she believes it herself, but things make a little bit more sense for her now. it did strike her a bit odd that the commander was quick to make an alliance between the sky people and trigedakru, whereas anya needed a little more convincing, and indra and gustus did not trust as easily as she did. (who was she kidding, anya had to drag her around and beat the shit out of her a few times, before even agreeing to talk about the possibility of an alliance. and gustus died trying to convince the commander to avoid this alliance, she knew there must have been another reason why lexa agreed so quickly.) lexa was already certain that clarke would bring down the mountain, it was already foretold, and at the time, it was convenient and it worked in all of their best interests, even if lexa risked and lost some of her own people.

(and it’s refreshing in a weird way, to think about someone else’s losses other than her own, to think of how lexa lost a friend and an old mentor, and how she lost gustus who only wanted what was best for her.)

clarke snaps out of it, and redirects her mind somewhere else. she asks, “weren’t we supposed to leave for polis tonight?”

she watches lexa nod, “yes,” she says. “but the rain is preventing that. we’ll leave tomorrow morning, when it stops.” then she’s taking the tray and standing up from the bed, and clarke thanks her again, her voice quiet and shy and tired. lexa smirks slightly, tray in her hands, “get some rest, clarke of the sky people. you’ll need your energy to keep up with her tomorrow.”

.

she dreams of colours, blinding and bright, her sister’s laugh, her brother’s shriek when he’s falling into the stream, shoved playfully by their father. she dreams of her mother’s song, her lullaby, she dreams of her father and their favourite game, where he throws dany up in the air and catches her before she lands on the ground.

but this time she’s up in the air and the cold air is blowing her hair away from her face, and she’s floating and floating, and the big wolf, the black wolf with golden shimmering eyes, is down on the ground, waiting for her.

he’s not threatening, dany’s never been scared of him, he’s waiting for her, his paws laid out on the dirt.

but there’s a scream, and dany identifies the voice as indra, and she’s in pain and she’s screaming again and it’s rattling dany’s bones and she’s no longer floating.

she looks down and the wolf isn’t there anymore, but the big man is, his arms open wide, his eyes filled with hatred, and she’s falling, falling, falling right into him and she wants to stop, she wants her wolf, she wants someone to save her. she's struggling and she's sobbing, trying to clutch at anything so she doesn't fall anymore.

then she looks down again and clarke is there, blue eyes happy and gentle, and dany lands slowly into clarke’s waiting arms.

and then she’s awake.

.

dany wakes up at the crack of dawn, literally. her eyes flutter open and she sits up, and clarke’s hand is clutching the hem of dany’s shirt and she’s sleeping soundly. the child places her hand on her shila’s cheek, tapping gently, quietly, a few times, and when she receives no response, she lays back down and holds clarke’s hand in both of hers.

she closes her eyes and flashes of her dream appear behind her eyelids, she remembers her wolf, the real one, the one she dreams about and wonders where it is.

.

and then she remembers when her brother, dario was playing with her and other kids near the village centre, and she only turned a year old a few weeks before. (she’s not really playing with them, she’s playing near them, she’s too young to understand and follow the rules of their game anyway.) their parents and their sister had gone out to hunt earlier that morning and were due to return soon.

and somehow her brother became too engrossed with the game, and doesn’t notice his little sister crawling towards the bushes, getting dirt on her hands and legs, towards something that’s caught her attention.

and she’s crawled into the bushes and covered enough that dario won’t see her immediately if he looked around from the village centre, and dany sees a wolf, with dark fur and golden eyes, wagging his tail and licking his chops, just a few metres from her. the little child is delighted, because whoa, look at this creature before her. (it’s so fluffy.) and soon she’s reaching out, and the wolf pads nearer and lets her touch his ears and his head and his fur. behind him are several other wolves, wagging their tails, excited to see this child. one with grey fur and dark eyes comes closer, and then dany is clutching the fur two wolves with her tiny hands and the first wolf licks her face. and she squeals with laughter, loud enough for her brother to hear and remember that he’s supposed to be watching his sister, and he’s looking around and she’s not where he last saw her and he calls out her name in a panic.

“dany!”

and the wolves’ ears perk up and soon the pack is slowly making way back into the shadows of the forest, and the grey wolf licks at the child’s hand and nudges her in the direction of the village, before following the black wolf and jogging past the trees.

her brother finds her moments later, and carries her back to their hut, muttering about how she shouldn’t disappear like that ever again, and she’s not listening, only pulling on his hair and letting out a yell, signifying a greeting to her sister who arrives ahead of the hunting party.

there’s blood on her hands but she doesn’t seem to have any wounds, and she tells her brother as she drops her weapons on the floor. “put dany down, help me clear the table. we found trigedakru on the way back.” and her voice leaves no room for argument and dario sets their sister on the floor as they clear the table of its items and place them back on various shelves.

her brother’s voice is timid when he asks, “is nomon okay? nontu?” lila, five years older than her brother and nearly eleven than her sister, nods sharply, doesn’t let herself get distracted from her tasks. she lays down a sheet over the table, and soon she’s taking out tiny bottles from her father’s desk.

not seconds later, the hunting party returns, and there are various voices talking over each other as they set down a body on the table, injured and unconscious, but alive. dario and lila step back, and dany’s eyes widen as she sets eyes on indra for the very first time.

on the side of her armour was a gash and there was blood, dark and staining the white sheet on the table. her arm falls limp and hangs from the edge of the table, and dany’s close enough to reach for it, touch it, and she takes indra’s thumb and clutches it around her fingers. she lets out an audible gasp when indra's hand tightens around wrist, and it is only then that the adults in the room take note of the child on the floor.

her nomon yells, alarmed and frantic, under the stress of trying to save this stranger’s life. “lila, take your siblings outside, now!” and her sister doesn’t hesitate in shoving her brother out of the door and taking dany into her arms before running out. and dany’s wrist is stained with the woman’s blood, and dario’s wiping it off with his shirt.

dario asks, “is she going to be all right?” his sister offers no reply.

.

eventually, the child gets bored and she crawls out of clarke’s hold and climbs down from the bed, looking around the room and wiggling her toes in her socks. she pads out of the commander’s quarters and finds lexa quietly packing away her maps in the main room of her tent. she grins, before a yawn interrupts her.

(if clarke’s her shila, lexa is her favourite in the morning time.)

the heda turns around and finds dany, rubbing her eyes, before tottering over to her and holding onto her leg. “sanch.” she says as she looks up.

lexa feels unguarded this morning and bends down to pick up the child, smiling at her affectionately, “the correct word is dina, goufa.”

and dany just yawns again and pouts, “sanch,” she whines.

“say dina,” lexa corrects her again. she runs her hand over the child’s unruly hair when she hears a quiet murmur from her, “dina.” food.

“now we say please, when we want something. can you say please?”

she earns a groan from the little human in her arms, because why are there so many words being said right now when she could be eating? dany rests her forehead against her cheek and doesn’t speak, and from the entrance of lexa’s quarters, she sees clarke, a soft, sleepy smile on her face.

clarke repeats, “please.”

the child sees her and raises both of her arms and reaches for clarke, opening and closing her fists. “please!” she squeaks and clarke takes her and kisses her temple.

“you wake up so early.”

dany clicks her tongue and she says, with little difficulty, “shila, dina, please.” and clarke’s impressed because her baby is talking in almost-sentences, and her heart swells in her chest with so much love and pride for this child. dany, however, is scrunching up her eyebrows and pouting at clarke, impatient, wondering why her two shila haven’t moved from the tent to somewhere with food. she lets out another unamused groan.

lexa lets out a soft laugh as she watches the child make that face, and clarke laughs too and says, “okay, okay, we’re going to get you food.”

.

(she pretends she didn’t just refer to dany as ‘her baby’.)

.

dany’s parents had three patients for that week: the unconscious woman and two younger warriors who only have minor injuries. they tell her mother that they were out, hunting, when ripas came out of nowhere and attacked them, and her mother is gritting her teeth and has her arms crossed over her chest.

“ripa? they have never traveled as far as around here before.” and her english is stiff compared to trigedakru, and she shakes her head. next to her, her husband is checking their cuts and bruises, if they are healing well. he doesn’t say a word, only takes dany from her sister and goes back into the hut to check on the woman. when the child lays eyes on indra again, she points at her and then looks at her father.

“ai don fisa em op,” he says and kisses her temple affectionately. “i have healed her.” he sits down on a rocking chair and holds her close, “oso na set raun nau.”

“now we will wait.”

indra wakes, hours later and dany is playing on the floor. her father is in the other room, mixing herbs and potions. she looks up and finds the warrior sitting up, wincing, checking her wounds. indra looks around and her eyes finally fall on the child, who grins and crawls over to the table. she uses indra’s legs which are hanging over the table to pull herself up to stand and she wants to touch the woman’s face. but she’s losing her grip and her balance and falls on her butt. and then her father is walking into the room and holding vials, and he sets them down on a nearby table and introduces himself to indra. “ai laik tamo kom ronwekru.” she makes no change in her expression, just stares coolly at him, "i am tamo of the runaway people." he continues, “our hunting party found you stumbling in the woods near our borders with your two warriors. they are outside and you are all safe.”

finally, indra nods and speaks. “we were ambushed.” her voice is hoarse and tamo motions for her to lay back down, and she obeys. “we did not expect ripa kom trikova.” reapers from the shadows.

dany’s father nods and applies a salve onto indra’s wounds. “you are welcome to stay until you heal properly. we can send a messenger to your village to let them know you are safe.” she doesn’t say anything after that, and he finishes tending to her injuries and says, “i will be just outside, i need to tell my wife, heda kom disha stegeda, the commander of this village, that you are awake.” then he looks down at dany who has distracted herself with her toys and crouches down in front her, he tells her with a smile on his face, “watch our patient,” and he ruffles her unruly hair and walks out of the hut.

and dany has been given a mission and she stares at indra, blinking at her, and indra stares back from where she’s laying on the table, and she’s amused at this goufa who looks so much like her father. “yu ste strik goufa,” she says and the child grins at her, unaware to what she just said but delighted all the same. “you’re a small child.” and she lets her hand drop from and wiggles her fingers, and dany crawls over to her and takes her fingers and giggles, drool escaping from her mouth.

.

there’s a large table just a short distance from lexa’s tent, served with various food, including a giant bowl of fruit that dany immediately points to. “dina!” she yells out, and then looks at clarke and harrumphs.

clarke laughs, “okay, okay.”

behind them, lexa is smiling and watching them interact, and she quietly asks, “what do we say, goufa?”

and the child locks eyes with her and grins, she knows the answer to this one, and lexa can see small white teeth lined up in her smile. “please,” she says, and looks at clarke again who’s stepping closer to the bowl. she lets the child pick up an apple before setting her down on the seats. and lexa’s taking out her dagger and taking the apple from her, before slicing it into thinner pieces, and she looks at clarke as she’s replacing her dagger into its sheath, and she smiles gratefully at the commander.

and soon, the three of them are eating breakfast quietly, surrounded by lexa’s people who don’t seem to mind that clarke, the sky princess, is there, or that there’s a small child with identical eyes to their commander, sitting in between them, swinging her legs adorably.

.

indra finds them as they walking back towards lexa’s tent, and she bows her head respectfully before speaking. “heda, the horses are ready. you may leave for polis when you wish.” and she looks at clarke and then the child, who’s now full, she’s clutching clarke’s hand, and her eyes are searching for her new adventure. then she looks up at indra and grins, and toddles over to her, hugging her legs. she gurgles out her greeting, and the woman doesn’t pick her up, as clarke expects her to. instead, she ruffles dany’s hair and coos. “heya, strikon.”

“hello, little one.”

and clarke is curious, and she blurts out, “how do you know each other?” and indra doesn’t even look up at her, only has eyes for the child.

lexa answers for her, “they met when dany’s parents saved indra’s life. they were attacked by ripas.” and she looks at clarke and tilts her head slightly, “it was only weeks before you came to the ground.”

.

indra recovers quickly, already moving up and about after only a few days. they are grateful for the hospitality the ronwekru have extended, and even more grateful to hear that tamo sent a messenger to tondc to inform their commander that they are well. the messenger returns, with anya and her second, tris, and a few other guards in tow, and dany’s mother greets them at the gates.

“mounin,” she nods at anya. “welcome.” she doesn’t say anything else, only turns around and walks towards their hut, where indra has been staying for the last week, expecting them to follow. they do, and soon anya is smiling when she sees indra limp out of the hut. then dany’s mother speaks again. “i am niya, heda kom ronwekru.”

“anya kom trigedakru.” anya looks back at indra and says, “indra is the chief of tondc, she is lucky you have saved her.” and there’s a hint of a teasing grin on anya’s face as she glances back at niya.

“it is nothing of luck, but of determination to live.” indra huffs out, familiar with anya and her way with people.

anya ignores her and continues, “on behalf of the heda, we are grateful. if there is something we can offer in return, do not hesitate to ask.”

niya nods, “as a matter of fact, there is.” and at this point, dario has dany in his arms and quietly walks towards this group of strangers talking to his nomon. his sister has her fist in her mouth, her drool all over it, her teeth are coming in and she’s been slightly irritable today. she hasn’t learned how to speak yet, only communicating with them in impatient grunts and whines. the child recognises indra and immediately her hands reach for them, but neither indra nor dario walk toward each other for the child. dany’s mother says, “we would like peace, with trigedakru. we are only a small number, and we have no intentions of going to war with anyone.”

and anya knows this woman’s past affiliation with the ice nation, knows her part in costia’s death, knows her part in the massacre of many others, of her people. but gone is the ruthless, bloodthirsty warrior; she’s been replaced by this gentle being who only wants the safety of her family, of her people. indra looks to her and gives a slight nod, and anya says, “i cannot speak for my heda, but i assure you, she does not seek bloodshed. i’m sure indra and i will manage to convince her.”

.

(they do, they do. lexa offers protection and they have peace. niya offers warriors when lexa declares to end the war with the mountain, aided by the sky princess.)

.

(weeks and weeks later, the same sky princess is the last thing she sees before she’s coughing up blood and feeling her lungs seize in her chest. she wishes, wishes, wishes, as she takes her final breath, that clarke somehow sees or saw dany wrapped around her chest, and she wishes for clarke to take away her child, away from death and danger, away from the fate she’s about to receive.)

.

they return to lexa's tent and she offers to entertain dany, for a little while, so clarke can clean herself up. she runs a warm bath for the blonde and leaves clothes and a towel on the stool by the bath, and she lifts up the child as she begins to leave the room.

"hey, thanks," clarke says, she feels like she's thanked lexa enough to last a lifetime of gratefulness but at the same time, the word itself doesn't feel like it's enough. lexa nods in response, a small smile curved in her lips, and dany's fist is in her hair, but not quite pulling.

"we will be right outside," is lexa’s reply and with that, she disappears through the flaps of the tent that are set up as privacy for each room.

clarke undresses, and concludes that she'll probably need to burn most of her clothes, before stepping into the bath. (right into heaven.) she settles into the water and scrubs her skin, feeling the dirt and sweat wash away, and she submerges her hair into the water. there's a tall vial, on the low shelves next to the bath, and she has used it on dany the previous day, so clarke reaches for it and pours a little bit of the clear liquid into the palm of her hands and lathers it into her hair, running her fingers through thick, blonde locks and feeling the tension in her head float away.

she stays there for nearly an hour, until she hears guards in the main room of the tent, their voices huffing out to their heda that they should be leaving for polis soon.

clarke washes off the remaining suds off her hair and her shoulders before standing up and stepping out of the bath, and wrapping herself in the soft towel, wondering what the material is made of. she dresses in the clothes lexa laid out, and realises they are the commander's; the long strap that wraps around her chest for her breasts, the short boxers-like material for underwear, skin tight dark trousers that allows for any movement (clarke's impressed with this one garment and spends about a minute kicking the air just because she can), a darl blue shirt with one of its sleeve ripped off, black leather boots that go up just below her knees, and finally, a grey jacket, it's hood lined with fur and two diagonal straps from her shoulder to her hip.

clarke steps out into the main room as she's running her hand through her wet hair, and she sees lexa on her throne, with the child on her lap, her fingers creating simple braids into dany’s hair. they look up to see her standing there, and lexa asks, "are you finished?"

clarke nods, and she watches the child squirm out of the commander's lap and take unsteady steps towards her.

"heya," the child greets and reaches for her and clarke lifts her up without a second thought. "heya!" she repeats.

clarke kisses her forehead and says, "you're learning so many words so quickly." dany nuzzles into clarke's neck and lexa gets up from her throne and steps closer to them, a proud smile on her face.

.

clarke sees five horses, lined up just outside the gates of tondc, one of them attached to a small cart, with its contents covered up with a white sheet. tren is among the three guards accompanying them, and he smiles warmly in greeting. she recognises lexa’s white horse, and the light brown horse she rode on yesterday, and she lets dany touch its nose and the child giggles when her fingertips feel the animal.

lexa is talking to indra by the gates, and clarke turns to tren and asks, “how long does it take to get to polis?”

he gruffs out, “a little more than half a day,” and then he nods at dany. “i hope you have ways to entertain her on the journey. it is a long one for a strikon like her.” and then he’s helping clarke mount dany on the saddle, and soon she’s on the horse too, and the child is bouncing in front of her, patting her hands on the horse, willing it to move.

lexa sees and she lets out a soft laugh, and clarke thinks she can listen to that laugh forever. “patience, goufa, we’re leaving now.” and then the commander climbs onto her horse and grips the reins, nodding at clarke. “to polis.”

.

clarke swears she sees the mountain men’s faces among the trees and the bushes, watching her, just like finn did. and her breathing is becoming shallow and everything feels like it’s spinning, and the child senses something is amiss, so she turns her head and watches her for a few seconds.

“shila,” the child murmurs, and her eyebrows are knitted up in concern and her eyes are as green as the leaves around clarke and she finds herself a little lost in them.

(green eyes seem to be her number one weakness.)

clarke smiles, it comes off a little uneasy at first, but eventually it becomes the familiar affectionate smile dany is used to. she kisses clarke’s chin and turns her attention back to clutching the horse’s mane in front of her.

clarke returns the kiss onto the child’s head and feels her chest lighten up.

.

and lexa? lexa watches all of this from beside clarke, and wants nothing more than to live in a world filled with nothing but clarke of the sky people and this child that has managed to scare away her demons.

Chapter Text

i remember it now, it takes me back to when it all first started / but i've only got myself to blame for it, and i accept it now / it's time to let it go, go out and start again / but it's not that easy - high hopes, kodaline.

.

they ride for more than an hour without relative incident. clarke has been listening to dany point at random things they pass by, and mumbling songs in her childish babbling. lexa is quiet and observant, laughing along with her occasionally when the child does something adorable like 'oooh'-ing when lexa points out a few trikru archers training up in the tall trees, waving to them.

at some point, lexa tells her, "we will pass by camp jaha, clarke,” she pauses and watches clarke tense up. “would you like for us to stop by?”

and clarke remembers the first time she had seen the gates of the fallen ark, anya in tow. she was covered in dirt and in cuts and bruises, and she watched anya get shot to the ground before getting shot herself. she remembers the last time she saw those gates, bellamy standing there, looking at her and offering her forgiveness, and she doesn’t deserve it, doesn’t take it.

she breathes out through her nose as she shakes her head, her throat closing up on the possible danger she might be putting lexa and dany in. “no,” she says and she faces lexa, their horses walking side by side. “not yet.”

the commander only nods and says no more about the subject.

.

nearly two hours later, clarke hears the child begin to sigh and whine out of boredom, tugging at her for entertainment and she manages to teach dany the concept of the game ‘i spy’, and in the process, dany learns the word ‘that’.

“i spy with my little eye,” clarke says, her eyes travelling around the scene in front of her. the small cart being pulled by a grey horse with a deformed face is ahead of them, tren rides his horse behind that cart, while lexa and clarke ride their horses adjacent to each other, with the final guard riding behind them. “something that is coloured orange.” (the child is young, but she’s clever. she has her head tilted back, rested on clarke’s chest as she chooses something that dany can guess, and green eyes follow the direction of her blue eyes as the words leave her mouth.)

lexa, who is unfamiliar with the game, looks around and sees that they’re approaching a bush with bright, orange leaves and she watches the child look around and points her index finger up in the trees.

“that!”

clarke chuckles, “no,” and dany pouts, and points to tren who is riding his horse in front of them.

“that, shila. that.” dany says, turning around to face clarke and she watches her shake her head, and she turns around again, her eyes landing on the orange bush they’re passing by to her right, and she points at that excitedly. “that!” she shrieks, bouncing where she’s sat and tilting her head back to look at clarke’s chin and clarke--

clarke presses a kiss on her forehead and says, “yeah, that! you got it!” and she can’t help but smile so wide, proud of this brilliant little child.

and soon dany’s pointing at things and yelling out, “that!” and clarke has to remind her that she has to spy on something first before the child is allowed to guess.

"okay, how about this one? i spy with my little eye..."

.

eventually, ‘i spy’ isn’t entertaining to either of them anymore. (clarke has a difficult time spying things that aren’t trees or bushes or grass or boulders, and the child gets bored of pointing at things.) dany’s sighing again, and she pulls on one of the straps on clarke’s jacket and says, “dina.”

(sure, clarke and lexa have faced a carnivorous pauna and trapped it and escaped with minor injuries, and they’ve tracked down a sniper just a few hours after tondc was bombed, and they’ve both led their armies into war, but for some reason, they both lack the courage and will to say ever refuse this child of anything.)

they stop the horses and get off to stretch their legs, and lexa reaches into one of the packs attached to her horse saddle and takes out a banana. she peels it and crouches down to hand it to the child, and the child takes it happily, but not before kissing lexa’s chin, mumbling, “chof,” and beaming at her. she’s frozen as she watches the child take small bites out of the side of the fruit, and clarke’s watching her and she has a small, fond smile on her face. they don’t say much, including lexa’s guards, amongst them is tren, they are quiet but vigilant, listening to the rustling of leaves in the soft breeze, and the child is focused on her food, standing by lexa who is drinking out of her waterskin and clarke who is stroking her horse’s muzzle.

and of course, of course one of the guards signal that someone is approaching, and clarke instinctively steps closer to dany, her hand on the gun on her hip. lexa is looking around, eyes alert, her ears focusing on approaching footsteps and all heads turn to the large bush in front of them, when it rustles and the branches part to reveal--

lincoln, who immediately notices them and raises his hands, his eyes landing on the commander, who lacks war paint on her face but wears her red sash and armour on her shoulders, then clarke, whose golden hair is lit by the noon sun, creating a halo around her. “heda,” he says, and behind him, octavia and bellamy emerge from the bush. octavia has her sword in her hand and her eyes are intense as they dart between lexa and clarke and a small child standing behind them, clutching a half eaten banana. bellamy has a gun strapped across his chest, and held with his two hands, and his eyes widen and and a smile appears on his face.

(in clarke’s mind, the same phrase repeats, over and over and over again: oh, shit.)

“clarke!” he exclaims, takes an involuntary step towards them but the guards take a step toward him too. his surprise to see clarke is suddenly mixed in with confusion, because why the hell is she with the commander, who betrayed them? meanwhile, clarke’s surprised, and she didn’t think she’d be seeing bellamy and octavia and lincoln today, but she finds herself smiling and moving past the guards and bellamy wraps her in a bear hug and he’s beaming. “you’re alive,” he marvels and she steps back, looking at lincoln and octavia who are staring at her curiously.

“i’m alive,” she repeats and lets out a breathless laugh. she nods at octavia who makes no move to hug her, and she understands, her disappearance doesn’t change anything, not yet. clarke sees the question in her eyes and she says, “we’re going to polis.”

bellamy notices lexa, standing behind the guards, “why?” he asks, and clarke provides no answer, only biting her bottom lip and shoving her hands into the pockets of her coat. “come home clarke, your mom is worried about you. everyone back at camp thinks you’re dead.”

(his implication of camp jaha as her home feels so wrong in clarke’s chest, in clarke’s head. it doesn’t feel like home right now. she never spent much time in it, only a few days at the most, and she’s slowly coming to the realization that she’s much more comfortable to refer to wherever lexa is as home. even the dropship was much more familiar to her than camp jaha, where wells is buried and sleeping is much more familiar.)

“i can’t, not now,” she’s shaking her head, and the mere thought of being trapped in the gates of that camp, surrounded by the people she saved, the people she led, it’s claustrophobic and it’s making her lungs seize and her throat close up. “not yet,” she chokes out.

octavia, who at this point had been standing next to lincoln, observing quietly, steps towards her and asks, “when will you come back?”

“i don’t know.” when i am ready, she thinks. “not yet,” she repeats.

“clarke,” bellamy sighs. he understands that she’s grieving and she’s remorseful and she lost a part of herself, but she needs to be with them. “the council is… they’re kind of falling apart. your mom and kane, they’re not handling things well. we need you,” he pleads.

there are hot tears in her eyes and soon she can’t stop them and they’re falling, and the guilt of abandoning her friends and her people is bubbling underneath her skin, and she thinks of herself as so incredibly selfish. she mutters, “i know, i know. but i can’t-- i need to--” she takes a deep breath, then she turns and gestures to lexa and dany who are watching behind her, and she sees dany holding onto lexa’s legs, her wide eyes curious. and clarke seems grounded suddenly, her chest seems to steady and she turns back to bellamy, “you don’t need me right now, not me, not right now. i can’t go back.”

(not yet, i’m not ready, not ready, i’m a mess, not yet.)

he nods and backs off of the topic, and he engulfs her in another hug and she melts in his arms, “come back soon, promise?” she says nothing, only nods, then buries her face into his shoulder.

behind them, tren reminds his heda that they must start moving again, that they have hours of travelling ahead of them, and lexa steps forward, just a few steps behind the blonde. “clarke,” she says and all eyes are on her. she doesn’t falter at octavia’s glare, or the suspicion in bellamy’s eyes, and focuses on blue orbs in front of her. “polis awaits.”

clarke nods, turns to bellamy and octavia and lincoln again, and she asks, “can you do something for me? will you promise not to tell anyone you saw me today?”

and before bellamy and octavia could voice their objections, clarke continues, “i just-- i’ll be back, i know i’ll come back, but they won’t understand and they’ll come looking for me, and i don’t want to be found.”

lincoln, who has only spoken one word throughout this encounter finally speaks again. “not even your mother?”

clarke shakes her head, “especially my mother.” she turns to octavia, “not a word to monty or jasper, or even raven. just promise me you’ll keep them in the dark.”

the three of them nod, and clarke’s not sure if they’ll keep their word, but she trusts them anyway.

.

they continue on to polis, the three skaikru watching as their horses walk away from them, and lexa has taken it upon herself to ride with the child, to give clarke some space and clarke gives her a grateful look. lexa tells dany of fables in trigedasleng, just simple short stories she was told as a child, and dany listens, enthralled by lexa’s voice and the images that dance in her mind, and clarke listens too, even if she can’t understand most of what lexa’s saying, but because she finds comfort in her voice right now.

(that fact does not cross her mind. too many things are clouding her senses right now. she thinks of her mother, worried, back at camp. she thinks of raven, the last time she saw the girl, she was weak and injured, being carried by wick. she thinks of monty and monroe and jasper-- she thinks of, she thinks of--

she thinks of the fact that she abandoned her people, left them, so selfishly so she could fix the war inside of her, she thinks of that damn lever that killed three hundred people, granted some of their innocence could be debated, but there were children, children like dany who are dead because of her and she’s here--)

she doesn’t notice that it’s been hours and dany is asleep against lexa, who is gripping the reins of the horse tightly and looking at her, worry swimming in her eyes. she wants to call out her name and maybe move her horse closer to hers so she could hold clarke’s hand and comfort her. then clarke looks up and finally breathes deeply and glances at lexa, and she smiles slightly, but the hint of distress is still clear in those blue eyes.

.

lexa hears clarke sigh and she finds her staring at the child longingly, and eventually she hears clarke murmur, “what am i doing with my life?” and she sounds so lost. she sounds like a child who suddenly grew up too quickly, who shed her innocence against her will, who is now the chosen leader of her people.

clarke reminds lexa of herself.

“i’m not forcing you to come to polis, clarke,” the commander says, thinking clarke is having second thoughts about leaving her friends behind. “i can take her.” and even though she doesn’t want clarke to go anywhere else, she continues, “you can return to your camp.”

and clarke’s shaking her head, “no, it’s not that. i just…” she sighs again, “i meant what i said earlier, i can’t go back yet. not for a really long time.” and clarke pauses and all they can hear is the sound of hooves clopping on the dirt. she whispers, and lexa barely hears her, “i don’t think i can just leave her in polis, lexa.” clarke’s staring at dany now, her bottom lip caught between her teeth and there are unshed tears in her eyes and lexa realises--

she realises the depth of attachment clarke has for this child. “what are you going to do?”

the blonde shakes her head slowly, “i want to keep her. i don’t know.”

and clarke realises that she is so screwed.

.

the sun is setting and they become restless of just sitting in silence, watching the scenery pass by them, and lexa orders for the guards to stop so they could camp for a few hours and have a meal. the guard riding behind them, appa, a tall, gracefully thin woman with long hair that reminds clarke of anya, immediately sets out away from the group to gather some wood to build a fire. dany is awake now, only just, and she’s sitting in clarke’s lap, cuddled close, and clarke is trying to savour the blissful grin on the child’s face, while she’s currently in that relaxing state of not being fully awake and not being asleep.

(she is also trying to savour this moment before dany starts bouncing around, energy overflowing and her little chest full of giggles, and her clever head filled with mischievous ideas.)

and soon, there is a fire and they are sitting around it, and dany is up and about, not straying too far from clarke. she's stepping on large roots of the trees they're next to and tapping their wide barks, and clarke is trying to warm her fingertips by the fire.

it is lexa, who notices the child pause, her eyes trained on something beyond the bushes, and the sudden lack of movement from the child sends red flags raising in lexa's mind. she calls out, "dany?" everyone is watching the child now, who is still frozen in her spot, and she doesn't respond to lexa, she just stands there.

appa, who is sitting closest to her, stands and looks at the direction the child is staring at and she sees--

she sees a wolf, standing on four legs, frozen just as dany is, with golden eyes and fur as dark as the shadows. it is not snarling or growling, it's just standing there, and appa's hand is immediately on the hilt of her sword. she doesn't draw it from its sheath however, she only mumbles, "wolf," and continues to stare in astonishment at the large beast, standing nearly three feet tall.

and the word leaves her mouth and everyone is suddenly up, hands on their weapons, and appa takes a few steps back, and the wolf is suddenly emerging from the bushes, and the child is--

the child is still standing there and everything in clarke screams to take dany and run, run away, to safety. but lexa's mind seems to be on the same track as hers and she says, "do not make any sudden movements, it could lunge at her."

and clarke's legs are ready to run and go and adrenalin is pumping in her system but she only takes slow, deliberate steps towards the dany. the wolf's eyes flicker to her, and there is no threat in them, and it's standing just steps away from the child and clarke is farther than that.

dany, who up to this point has not yet moved, suddenly giggles.

she giggles and her hands want to touch her wolf, and the beast allows it and lowers its head, its tail slowly wagging as the child happily runs her fingers through thick fur. and clarke's mind is a mess of: it could bite her, it could rip her to shreds, she's barely half the size of it, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. she doesn't know which thought she focuses on when her legs suddenly run towards the child and scoop her up and holds her tightly against her chest, and the wolf is unperturbed, if anything it just looks inconvenienced. and dany, dany is squirming and struggling in her arms, unhappy with the sudden change, and whining. she's reaching out for the animal and kicking her legs, and it confuses the hell out of everyone, especially clarke.

it's dangerous, she wants to say, it's going to eat you.

but she doesn't because the wolf only approaches her and dany has squirmed enough for clarke to be holding her nearly horizontally, low enough for the wolf to lick the child's face, nuzzle her with its snout and huff, before turning around and retreating back into the shadows.

and there's a beat of silence, of everyone trying to process what the hell just happened, and--

and soon clarke is putting the child on the ground, her hands and eyes making quick assessments and she checks for wounds, for bruises, for bites, for anything, even though she knows there should be none as she saw every moment of what just occurred. lexa and the three guards are drawing their weapons, she sends appa and tren to follow the wolf, to check that it is not near anymore, before crouching next to clarke and watching her turn the child around to check for anything, something.

"is she okay? is she hurt?" and lexa has never felt this intensity of worry before, not for this child. she watches clarke shake her head, who is confused herself. dany uses her sleeve to wipe off the wolf's slobber off her cheek.

"she- she seems fine, lexa," and her voice is wavering and clarke looks at her. "are wolves toxic? do they have poison in their saliva?"

(and it's such a ridiculous question to ask, they both know, but neither of them think that at this moment.)

"no," lexa replies, and she looks at the child's face and there is a hint of curiosity in her eyes, she's not entirely sure what's going on, but she can feel the worry radiating off of both of her guardians.

clarke is visibly shaking. "lexa, what if there's- what if she's--"

tren and appa return, shaking their heads, and appa speaks in rapid trigedasleng. then after a while, she translates for clarke, "it is gone."

and lexa's fingers curl around clarke's wrist, "she seems fine." she doesn't believe the statement, not with her whole heart, but she continues, "she's safe."

"safe," the child repeats, nodding her head. clarke stares at her for a minute before hugging her, her small head perched on clarke's shoulders as she's engulfed in her arms.

.

dany doesn't leave clarke's hold for the rest of the night, and all the adults keep glancing back at the bush, and all around them until they decide to continue their journey.

.

lexa hovers near clarke and the child, and none of them think twice about it.

.

they arrive at the checkpoint near the gates of polis near midnight, when the moon is high up in the sky, and clarke watches the guards stationed bow their heads respectfully to their heda. dany is asleep again, against clarke this time, and she only has one hand gripping the rein of the horse, the other is holding this child close to her chest. they pass the checkpoint and soon reach tall gates, that are pulled open. the city is still lit, by torches and fires contained in metallic buckets, held up at the top of tall posts, offering light to the dark streets below, and even in the late hour, a few people are still milling about.

they dismount their horses and dany’s eyes open as clarke holds her and gets off her own horse, assisted by lexa, and clarke hums her back to sleep. tren and appa take their horses, and the third guard, clarke nevers learns of his name, leads the small cart his horse carries, follows tren and appa, and soon they are out of sight.

clarke looks to lexa, who then tilts her head in the opposite direction they went to, and says, “we will stay in the commander’s home,” and she leads clarke past tents and huts, past ruins of homes and remade buildings, towards a house. an actual house, standing three stories tall, with green patches of grass around it, and a wooden fence surrounding it. lexa leads her up the path towards the front door, wooden and thick, and it opens before they could reach it.

a thin, dark haired woman, with wrinkles at the side of her hazel eyes, and a wide smile greets them, “mounin, heda.” her eyes only glance at clarke and the child in her arms, before taking lexa into a warm hug. “welcome, commander.”

the commander chuckles quietly as she wraps her arms around the woman, she says, “heya, nomon.”

“hello, mother.”

and clarke’s eyes widen and she suddenly feels shyness settle in her bones, as she realises who this woman is, and how much she looks like lexa. she sees the shape of their identical cheekbones, their similar eyes, only lexa’s are a different shade. but those plump pink lips, and the shape of her face, and her strong jawline, that must definitely come from her father.

lexa’s mother asks, after pulling away and kissing both of her daughter’s cheeks, “who’s this?” she nods at clarke.

“this is clarke, of the sky people,” and lexa is smiling and they’re both being ushered into the house, and clarke’s face is suddenly being taken into the woman’s hands.

“hi,” she mumbles shyly, not sure of what to say. “nice to meet you.”

“oh, darling, it is a pleasure to meet you.” the woman chuckles, taking a good look at clarke’s face, “i am tarryn, alexandria’s nomon- oh, mother.” she corrects herself and moves her hands away, she’s beaming widely, like a cat who caught the canary. “she has told me about you.”

lexa groans and clarke raises her eyebrows in surprise, both at the fact that lexa has mentioned her to her own mother, and the fact that said mother referred to her as alexandria, not lexa.

“she has?”

“nomon..”

and tarryn laughs and nods, and the child in clarke’s arm murmurs in her sleep. “oh dear,” she says, “who is this strikon?” and before clarke could answer, (not that she had an answer that didn’t resemble a lie, anyway), lexa’s mother shakes her head, “now is not the time for questions. it is time for you to rest, you must be exhausted.”

and then clarke is led up by the commander and her mother up the creaky wooden stairs and into a bedroom, with walls painted light blue, and a huge bed lined with furs and pillows, flanked with two windows, there is a full-length mirror and another door on the opposite wall, a dresser and a tall lamp. tarryn, who is closing the curtains, and lexa who is lighting the lamp, let clarke look around the room, her arms beginning to numb as she readjusts dany in her arms.

“is it okay if the strikon sleeps with you? or should i arrange another bed for her?” tarryn asks, turning to clarke after her task is done.

clarke shakes her head, “no, it’s fine, she can sleep with me.” and lexa stands next to her, pushing hair away from the child’s face.

tarryn watches as they both look down on this little one sleeping, resembling a picture perfect family. she grins, a glint of mischief sparkling in her eyes, and then she says, “how about you, youngon? would you like to sleep here with clarke or should i banish you off to your own bedroom?”

lexa does not speak, her face only flushing red as she shakes her head and makes her way towards the door. clarke is blushing too, barely concealing it with her blonde hair covering her face as she looks down at dany. the commander turns at the doorway, spares no glance at her mother, only at clarke, “rest well, clarke,” and with that she’s gone.

tarryn helps clarke settle dany into bed, taking off her little boots and coat, and she tells her of the bathroom behind the door of the opposite wall, of the clothes in the dresser that should fit her, and before she leaves, she says, “alexandria spoke very well of you, i now see why,” and she’s still smiling as she closes the bedroom door behind her.

.

clarke has nightmares that night. she whimpers in the dark, and this one is the most different out of all that she has had.

her dad is there.

he stands among the mountain men. and she feels a sob bubble up in her chest, and she's running towards him, pushing past the sea of burning bodies, all clutching their skin, all screaming for her. he stands there, looks at her with those twinkling eyes, that smile that's only reserved for her.

it is a jarring sight.

"i'm sorry, dad, i'm so sorry," she chokes and she's holding onto his shirt, doesn't want him to go, doesn't want him to disappear. people around them are vanishing now, just after they fall to the ground and their hearts stop beating.

jake places his two hands on his daughter's cheeks and looks her in the eyes, "shhhh," he tells her, "clarke, you are forgiven."

and his voice sounds so real, and clarke notices his skin begin to burn and bubble until it's a gruesome red colour, "dad," she sobs again, "dad, dad, dad."

"you did what you had to do, clarke," he murmurs, a warm smile on his face as the skin on his neck blister. "you protected your people, great leaders have to make great sacrifices."

and she's crying, so hard, that it feels like her chest is caving in and she can barely breathe. the burns never reach her father's eyes, never goes past his cheeks, and he lets her go and his eyes flicker towards what's behind her.

the door, the exit to mount weather is wide open, letting the bright sun in, and there's a small figure standing there. the light is too bright for her to see who it is, but she notes unruly hair and her unsteady gait, and clarke whispers, "dany?"

she looks back at her dad, whose skin has healed, and for a moment she thinks they're back in the ark, in space, trapped, but he shakes his head, "let yourself heal, clarke." he kisses her forehead and clarke can swear this is all real. he reminds her, "i love you." and he nudges her towards the child, her face blurred but clarke is certain it is dany, and she takes slow steps until--

until the child's eyes are clear and she raises her hands, her little fingers opening and closing into fists, it's what comes out of her mouth that surprises clarke, "mama."

and she looks back to where her dad stood but he's gone, and the child is clutching at her hand now, leading her into the bright light.

it's still dark when she wakes up. she momentarily forgets where she is and sits up, her heart hammering in her chest, her mind fresh with vivid images of her dreams. next to her is dany, sleeping soundly, one of clarke's hand tucked and clasped in both of hers.

(and suddenly, she finds it ironic that the child calls her shila, protector, guardian. clarke is this child's safety, and yet, she is the one that saves clarke from herself.)

Chapter Text

and if i wake up / say, "it's late, love, go back to sleep," / I'm covered by nature, but I'm safe now / underneath this oak tree, with you beside me - little bird, ed sheeran.

.

clarke doesn't fall back asleep. she lays down and watches the soft rise and fall of dany's chest, she listens to the murmurs and gentle snores that escape her lips. her father's face is fresh in her mind, and his voice is still echoing in her ears.

let yourself heal.

she lays with dany until the sun rises, until its rays try to pass through the thick curtains of the dim room. she lays there until she hears quiet footsteps on the creaky floorboards, probably tarryn, making their way down stairs.she waits until dany’s eyes are fluttering open and she yawns, and it’s a serene moment that clarke feels like she should be documenting it, and the child turns to her and a soft grin appears on her face. “shila,” she says, and clarke smiles too and kisses the tip of her nose.

“good morning,” clarke laughs as the child scrunches up her face. she burrows into clarke’s arms, seeking warmth and the blonde is more than happy to allow it. they lay in silence for a few minutes, until dany sits up, she’s fully awake now, ready to bounce around and clarke groans.

“let’s just stay in bed, we can play later.”

dany seems to understand what she just said and shakes her head, “nou,” the child says. she tries squirming away from the blonde, but clarke tightens her arms and tickles her sides. the child throws her head back and lets out a loud squeal of laughter, piercing the quiet morning.

lexa stands just outside the room, smiling to herself, listening to two voices of giggling. she knocks quietly on the wooden door and she hears a faint, “come in,” from clarke. the door opens and lexa finds dany in clarke’s lap, both of their faces flushed from laughing.

“good morning," lexa stands before the bed, feeling warmth settle in her chest at the sight of her two favourite people. "i have to meet with generals and chiefs today,” she announces. the child shimmies out of clarke’s lap and shuffles over to lexa, lifting up her arms. she takes the child and adds, “my mother can show you around polis.”dany has one of her hands holding onto lexa’s hair, her other hand on her chin. she sticks out her tongue and it lands on lexa's cheek, which earns a grimace from her and a chuckle from clarke.“i am not your dina, goufa,” she declares, wincing slightly, as clarke gets up from the bed and stands before them.

“she’s just showing she likes you.”

lexa hands the child over to clarke, “the drool is not appreciated.” there’s a hint of a smile on her face as she wipes her cheek.

clarke bounces the child gently in her arms, “she must be hungry. hey, are you hungry?”

lexa asks, “yu ste enti, goufa?” she translates for clarke, as she's taking one of the child’s hands and kissing it. dany grins.

“sanch!” she exclaims in response.

(it has only been days, nearly a week actually, since she's been with clarke and lexa. the fact that her previous family has been wiped out has never and will never cross her clever little mind. because this, having tickle fights with clarke and getting good morning kisses from lexa, this is the family she knows now.)

.

lexa leaves for her meeting just as clarke and dany are settling down for breakfast with tarryn.

“come back fou dina, youngon!” her mother calls out just as she’s heading out of the front door. tarryn shakes her head and smiles at clarke. “watch, she will be late.”

.

tarryn shows them the gardens outside of the commander’s home. she shows the vegetable patch she has grown and worked on herself since lexa was chosen to be heda. there’s carrots and lettuces and tomatoes, and she allows dany and clarke to pick the few ripe vegetables.

“you pick only the red ones, strikon,” she tells dany, who is watching in awe as she pulls a tomato off its vine. “see?”

“see?” dany repeats, flashes white tiny teeth and bright green eyes, and reaches for the tomato. clarke watches as she puts it in her mouth. she mumbles around the small vegetable in her mouth, “see!”

she laughs, “i see,” pushing the child’s hair out of her face before kissing her forehead affectionately.

.

dany’s standing on a stump of a tree just a few feet away from them, when tarryn asks with her stiff english accent, “when are you leaving the goufa in the orphanage?”

clarke nearly chokes, then it suddenly hits her. her days are numbered with dany. (it’s like preparing for war, all over again, preparing for heart break.)

she barely stammers out an answer when a tender, “oh,” leaves tarryn’s lips. “i understand,” lexa’s mother says and blue eyes are staring at her. “you do not wish for the child to be left in the orphanage.”

no, absolutely not, clarke thinks, but she trust herself to speak so she doesn’t say anything.

and then her mind blanks out and her eyes go wide when tarryn places her hand on clarke’s shoulder and remarks, “you will make a wonderful mother.”

.

(she remembers when she and wells played pretend sometimes. pretended to be married, pretended her teddy bears and wells’ toy soldiers were their kids. they pretended to tuck them into bed and reading them bedtime stories, telling them of the ground, telling them of animals and plants and the ocean and the air. but now they’re all on the ground, wells is six feet below of it, and they can no longer tell anyone of the earth as if it will lead them into a beautiful, peaceful dream. instead, they will tell the stories of the first people on the ground. their actions, the horrors they’ve encountered, and subsequently, the horrors they’ve become. it will no longer be a pleasant story, it will be one to be afraid of.)

.

tarryn shows them one of the old sheds far from the house, containing rusty weapons and old garden tools that have been untouched for years. clarke helps her dig out a box from the shed, and the dust coating it and the musty smell makes her scrunch up her nose.the older woman opens the box, revealing toys and some clothes for a child. she tells clarke, "these are a little big for her, but in a few years, she will fit in them." the child is next to them and she begins to take the toys and carry as much as she could in her arms, babbling and squealing excitedly.

"were these lexa's?" clarke asks, as she holds up a jacket resembling an armour, it is covered in bright red paint one of its sleeves are tattered, but it's thick and she thinks dany would have to be around eight or nine to fit into this.

tarryn nods, "yes, her first armour, she received from anya when she was picked as her second." clarke imagines an innocent freckle-faced lexa in an armour too big for her, tugging around a wooden sword with a serious expression as she trails behind anya.

she looks back at dany and entertains the idea that she could pass off as lexa's daughter rather than clarke's, with their similar dark curly hair, green eyes, and sharp cheekbones. her skin is darker than lexa's though, but when they both smile at clarke, she forgets the weight of the world that is pressing down on her heart.

.

they spend the whole day outside in the gardens, with the promise of unveiling polis within the next few days, feeling the soft breeze on their skin. when the sun is high, tarryn goes back inside to prepare lunch, and clarke watches dany chase a butterfly. she’s sitting on the grass, her eyes trained on the child, and she calls out her name when dany reaches the bushes, the barriers that indicate of where the land of the commander’s home ends.

the child begins to walk back to her, but she stops midway, tilts her head and begins running with a smile on her face.

lexa settles herself beside her with a quiet, “hello,” and opens her arms wide when the child reaches her.

“you’re back early, your mother thought you would be late,” clarke tells her and lexa laughs softly, shifting the energetic child on her lap.

she looks at clarke, smiling, “she always does.”

those eyes, and that smile, they make her feel like something deep in her chest is being lit on fire, and she suddenly feels shy in the commander’s presence.

.

(she ignores it and chalks it up to the prolonged exposure to the sun, to hunger. it has nothing to do with the possible reignited feelings for lexa. not at all.)

.

they eat their lunch outside, and clarke remembers the time she and wells pretended to have a picnic in the beach. in reality, they were on clarke’s bed, pretending the soft blankets were sand and the floor below them was the ocean.

she smiles at the memory, before asking, “are we near the sea?”

tarryn is too busy cooing at the child and helping her eat her food, and dany is more than happy to receive attention from this new person, so it is lexa who answers her with a nod, “it is a short walk from here. would you like to see it?”

“yeah, i’ve never been to the beach before,” clarke says. she watches a soft smile appear on the commander’s face.

“i can take you there tomorrow.”

clarke pauses. “there aren’t any man-eating snakes in it, right?”

“there are man-eating sharks,” lexa responds, her face growing serious and her eyes on clarke. after a beat, she smiles again, “but they are only common deep into the ocean, they do not swim near the land.”

and clarke blinks, shaking her head, she says, “wow, we were not prepared for earth.”

“and earth was not prepared for you, clarke of the sky people.”

.

(lexa was also not prepared for clarke, not even close.)

 .

tarryn offers to put dany down for a nap after lunch, telling them that it’s been a long time since she’s cared for a little one, and clarke allows it. she misses the wink that tarryn gives her daughter. when she is gone, lexa scoots closer to clarke until their legs are touching, and the blonde doesn’t notice, too busy marveling at the way the grass feels on her hands. it's been a few months since they arrived on the ground, and she still can't help but be amazed of its simple beauty. they sit in silence for a while, listening to the rustling of the leaves and the faraway noises of the bustling capitol. clarke asks, “how was your meeting?”

“it was short, we were missing a few generals and chiefs. they arrive within the next few days, until then we cannot discuss anything of importance yet.”

“about the alliance?”

lexa nods and they are quiet for a while.

then clarke asks, “did you have siblings?” the question is out of nowhere, but clarke has always been curious ever since she got to polis, ever since she met the woman lexa called nomon, she wants to know more about the wrapped up mystery that is this commander, and lexa doesn’t seem to mind, if anything, she is happy to oblige.

“two sisters, and a brother,” she replies. “i am the youngest. my nontu- my father, he died years ago, before i was called to be heda. he was ill, i was very young.” her tongue darts out to wet her lips and clarke has to gulp and remind herself to breathe. lexa continues, “my eldest sister is married to a general of the boat clan. my brother has a family of his own, in a small village north of the capitol. my other sister died when i was young, just weeks after i began ruling as heda.” she watches clarke nod and bite her bottom lip, her eyebrows scrunching up slightly as she processes this new information. then she asks, “did you have siblings, clarke?”

she shakes her head in response, “there was a law up in the ark, where you can only have one child per couple, because they wanted to control the population. if you broke that law, you’d be floated, and your second child would be sent to the skybox, to prison.”

(she thinks of bellamy and his protective streak over octavia. she imagines them as children, running around and playing in their quarters, their only kingdom where they can be free.)

“how does one get.. floated?” and the word is foreign on lexa’s tongue, but common on hers.

clarke looks up in the sky, “they.. let you go in space. you wouldn’t be able to breathe, and you’d just float away and eventually die.” then she looks down on the grass and quietly adds, “they did that to my dad.”

“i am sorry,” lexa murmurs.

clarke shakes her head slightly, “he would have loved it on the ground.”

“he would be proud of you.”

(clarke wonders if he really would be, if he’d utter the words, “i’m proud of you,” if he found out what she did to three hundred warriors, to finn, to the mountain.

but then she remembers her dream, and the way he said, “you did what you had to do.”

she remembers her mother say, “maybe there are no good guys.”)

and then she looks up to find lexa staring at her. she notices the commander gulp. her blue eyes are flicking between green eyes and pink lips, and she feels a tug low in her belly.

“clarke,” lexa whispers.

they’re both leaning closer to one another, and their noses are nearly touching when clarke whispers back, “yeah?”

“you said you were not ready yet.”

then clarke mutters, “i- i’m not,” and lexa jerks her head back and nods, and then looks away. and she feels heat flare on her cheeks, and she suddenly takes one of lexa’s hands and stumbles over her words, “well, i will be, one day. just not now, you know? someday.”

when she finally shuts her mouth and berates herself for rambling, she feels lexa squeeze her hand. she squeezes back.

someday.

they hold hands and sit in silence for a while. it’s not stifling, sometimes they don’t need to say anything to enjoy each other’s company. their back is turned to the house, so they don’t see a smiling tarryn looking out the window.

.

they go inside when the sun hides behind the clouds and there’s a slight chill in the air, and they find dany at the top of the stairs, rubbing her eyes and yawning. she whines a little and clarke is jogging up the stairs, taking the child into her arms and pulling her against her chest and humming quietly.lexa is following her up the stairs, watching the child grow calm in clarke's arms, the blonde's soft lips leaving kisses on her head, the adorable pout on dany's face that fades until it is a soft grin.

(she might have left clarke to die once, to save her own people, a decision she made with her head, not with her heart. but watching them now, she can't bring herself to tell clarke that she has already talked to one of the carers in the orphanage, that she has already informed them of a child that may be joining them soon. she does not have it in her heart nor in her head to take this child away from clarke, away from the new home she has found.)

so she starts by gently leading clarke into her bedroom, and when they are both sitting on the bed, the child lulled back to sleep in clarke's arms, lexa says, "i had the crib from her village brought with us, and the toys." she looks around the room, "we can move the dresser to make room for it here." for some reason her heart is thudding in her chest, and she gulps, as she watches clarke eye her curiously.

"the plan was.. we were supposed to take her to the orphanage," clarke mutters, looking down at the child momentarily, then her shining blue eyes are back at lexa. "you said--" she pauses to let out a sigh, "you said i couldn’t keep her."

lexa nods, and quietly responds, "i know, clarke. but i do not wish take you from her, she has led you here."

she has led you back to me, is left unsaid.

“i can’t take her back to camp jaha,” clarke whispers, her thumb caressing the child’s cheek. “they need me there, as a leader, and dany will--”

“clarke,” lexa shakes her head. she suddenly understands what clarke is saying. “i’m not asking you to leave. i want you to stay here, you’re both allowed to stay with me.” she can’t imagine clarke leaving her anytime soon, along with this child.

(it’s two heartbreaks at the same time: she’s already lost clarke once, she does not plan on losing her again. and dany is a new development in her life, she never saw her coming, but then again that goes for clarke as well, and this child has brought nothing but happiness and warmth into both of their hearts that neither of them want to be apart from her, even if it’s only been a few days.)

she feels her heart skip a beat in her chest when clarke’s eyes flicker between hers and her lips, and they’re both leaning in close, slowly, and lexa can feel clarke’s breath on her skin and she’s tilting her head and--

and the child stretches her arms and mumbles in her sleep.

clarke has her lips curved up in a smile, and she gives lexa a look that can only translate to one word.

soon.

.

the next day, there is an excited hum underneath clarke's skin; lexa is taking her to see polis.

dany, the ever perceptive child that she is, seems to notice that something different is going to happen today, and she is even more energetic and clarke has a hard time giving her a bath since the child splashes her every five seconds.

"dany," clarke says, wiping her cheeks, "hey, hey, calm down." there are bubbles atop the child's head, and she's trying to make sure they don't drip down and make their way into the child's eyes.

"hey, hey!" the child repeats, slapping her palms on the water, as she giggles loudly. "hey, hey!"the child is like a parrot, repeating phrases and words and clarke knows it's only a matter of time before she learns more and becomes the most talkative child on the ground.

there is a soft knock on the door, and behind her, stands tarryn, who has her hands clasped together. she looks at clarke's soaked front, and with a chuckle she asks, "would you like some help?"

tarryn calms the child by singing her a song in trigedasleng, and dany and clarke both listen with rapt attention as the older woman rinses the suds off the child’s body. her voice is calming and gentle as they both dry her off and dress her, and when she finishes her song, the child claps her tiny hands and reaches for her. dany stares at the woman’s face, before placing a hand on her cheek.

“another song?” tarryn asks and dany’s response is instantaneous.

she squeals excitedly, “sha!”

and tarryn sings another song. clarke notes that this one is more lively and it seems to be a song for a child, as tarryn makes gestures with her free arm and bouncing dany to the tune.

.

later, when they’re walking out of the front door, lexa tells her, “she used to sing that to me all the time when i was young.”

and clarke laughs, and silently, she wished there were portraits of lexa as a young child, because that was a sight she would love to have seen.

.

(the idea of seeing portraits of lexa suddenly sparks another idea in clarke’s mind, as she watches the child toddle in front of her.)

.

polis is lively, and bright, and clarke has never seen anything like it. there are people, old and young, bustling around and going about their business, but they bow their heads when they see lexa walking among them, her face carefree and smiling, clad in her light armour and red sash signifying her status. some of them come close and shake lexa’s hand, and murmur words of respect and gratitude, small children that are a little taller than dany stop before them and the heda ruffles their hair or pinches their cheeks, and then they’re off darting through the sea of bodies again.

trade stands selling meat and furs and jewellery line the path that leads to the centre of the capitol, where a tall building with ruined pillars stand. there are fruits and vegetables, and swords and knives being offered and sold and bargained for, and lexa has to stand close to clarke and keep her fingers curled on the blonde’s upper arm just to get through the crowd. dany, who is being carried by clarke, has too many things to look at and so many things to focus on, that she gets excited by the simple fact that she has a big adventure ahead of her today. her shila is talking to lexa, asking her about currency and other trivial things that dany has no interest of, and they don’t seem to be stopping anywhere to investigate all these things around them, so she squirms in clarke’s arms and kicks her legs; she wants to explore.

clarke struggles for a while, before she says, “hey, hey,” the phrase that always seems to leave her mouth when she tries to get dany to calm down. sometimes it works, but this time it doesn’t and the child begins to whine in her arms.

“you can let her down, there aren’t as much people around here,” lexa says as she eyes the thinner swarm of people around them and dany’s feet are on the ground now, but clarke is still holding onto her wrist.

she counters with, “she’s tiny, lexa, she could get lost.”

lexa looks at her, and after a while of debating internally with herself, she says, “we’ll keep an eye on her.”

they do, they keep their eyes trained on curly hair bobbing around and looking up the trade stands before moving on to the next ones. lexa and clarke manage to keep an eye on dany for approximately fifteen seconds, before their attention is gathered by an elderly man, who approaches his heda and shakes her hand in respect.

and then when they look at the spot where they last saw the child, she is no longer there.

“dany?” clarke calls out, panic beginning to settle in her chest. “dany, where are you?”

lexa is looking around, her eyes roaming the street around her, looking in between bodies and stands for the child, dread building up inside of her.

.

only a few yards away, the child hops and tries to take the small red ball placed on the tabletop before her. she can’t reach it, it's too high, and she huffs, and then she thinks, her shila can reach it. she turns around and looks up at the people passing by in front of her and none of them are her blue-eyed saviour, and she gets pushed and pulled in different directions and she still can’t find clarke, and then she lets out a wail.

the people around her pay her no attention, they’re used to bawling children and other loud things here in the capitol, and it takes a moment before someone is scooping her up in their arms, and there are tear tracks on her cheeks and she opens her eyes. she sees that it is not clarke who has picked her up. it is a stranger, with brown eyes and dark flowing hair.

she opens her mouth to let out another sob, and the woman who has taken her shushes her and says, “it is all right now, goufa, you are safe. we will find your nomon.”

dany rubs her eyes and she whimpers, “nomon,” and the woman nods.

“yes, we will find her. hush now,” she says gently. in the corner of her eyes, she sees a flash of blonde hair and she realises it is the skai prisa, who has vanquished the mountain, and she feels a rush of excitement in her bones. but there is a child in her arms right now, and she cannot go and meet her yet. she wipes away the child’s tears, “tell me when you see your nomon.”

the child points, in the direction of the skai prisa, and she walks until she is in front of clarke, who looks like she’s going to cry any second now, and lexa, who looks like she’s about to declare war all over again.

she’s a little bit nervous to be in front of two powerful leaders with a crying child in her arms, but the child reaches for clarke, and mumbles, “nomon,” and the skai prisa takes her, and lexa suddenly looks relieved, standing close to clarke.

the young woman, eyes wide and surprised, blurts out, “you are her nomon?”

and the heda and the skai prisa stare at her, and she feels her cheeks heat up, and she’s ready to take back what she just said when the child wraps her arms around clarke’s neck and repeats, “nomon, nomon, nomon.”

then clarke jerks her head in a nod, before pulling dany closer to her. “thank you,” she says.

“what is your name?” lexa asks.

the young woman replies quietly, “elli,” a shy smile on her face.

“elli,” the heda says as she takes the young woman’s hand and squeezes it. “i offer my deepest gratitude.”

and elli looks back at the child who has her head against clarke, relaxed again, and she wonders, if the skai prisa and the heda and this child are--

“you- you’re welcome, heda.” she stammers out, blinking herself out of her own reverie and reminding herself of what her mother always said. it is none of your concern.

.

(meanwhile, clarke is still breathing the last of the panic and worry out of her lungs and trying to process the fact that this child is now referring to her as nomon, the fact that dany thinks of her as her mother.

lexa is also trying to process the same information, but only with less intensity as clarke, as she watches elli nod respectfully before walking away.)

.

lexa takes them past the centre of the capitol, past the ruined pillars and past more trade stands and swordsmiths and playing children. they walk in relative silence, the child is clutching clarke while she rubs her back gently to calm her, and lexa leads them to a quieter part of polis, near the water, where a few children are playing and splashing around in the shallow water. this catches dany's attention, but she does not ask to be put down, and clarke has no intentions of letting her go so soon again.

they sit by the rocks, listening to the water flowing and the nearby noises of children playing, and eventually the child is put down, but she does not stray far, only takes a few steps away from clarke to pick up a pebble and toss it into the water. the ripple amuses her, and she grins, before taking a slightly larger pebble and flinging it into the water.

.

after a while, lexa speaks, "the alliance of the twelve clans is not holding well now that there is no common enemy." she is watching the child play her little game, but she can feel clarke's eyes on her. she does not mention to clarke how her generals and war chiefs have all voiced out the threat of the sky people, lexa does not mention how many times she has defended clarke's people and explained that they are only trying to survive. she does not mention how relieved they looked when they found out that clarke is in polis, staying in the commander's home. she does not tell her about how she lied by omission to her council, how they are now under the impression that clarke is here for political business rather than a personal one. "i am trying to keep the peace by holding up an alliance that depended on trade to improve the lives of my people and let them see that war is an unnecessary option."

clarke is not entirely sure what to say, or what lexa is asking her to say, "that.. that's a good idea." she feels like ever since she's been to polis, she has shed that part of her that led her people, that saved her friends and brought down a mountain with her determination and loyalty to her people, that challenged her chancellor, her mother for power, but she knows they will need her again, whether she wants to or not. for now, she can pretend that she's only a girl who fell from the sky, who is currently struggling her feelings for a certain commander, and the fact that she may or may not have adopted a child.

"i meant what i said yesterday, you are welcome to stay in polis for as long as you'd like." lexa murmurs, she's looking at clarke now, her gaze is intense and clarke feels her heart in her throat. without lexa, clarke and dany would probably be dead, she would be stumbling around the woods with a hungry weeping child in her arms, luring in all the predators this irradiated earth has created. without lexa, clarke would probably be trapped in camp jaha, forced to think about her decisions and forced to face the friends she made those decisions for. without lexa, she wouldn't feel this light, she wouldn't feel this clean, and she wouldn't feel this happiness that's building up in her chest, day by day.

so clarke lunges at lexa, her arms wrapping around the commander's waist, her head tucked under her chin, and holds onto her tightly. lexa is momentarily perplexed, she didn't expect this at all, and her body is stiff, but slowly she melts into clarke's arms, returning the hug, and she hears the quiet muttering of, "thank you, thank you, thank you."

.

(clarke has never really put herself before other people. this child, this current light in her life is no different. and in clarke's mind, she considers herself selfish; running away from her friends, from the leadership they've placed upon her shoulders, caring for this child and realizing that she needs dany as much as dany needs her. and then there's lexa, who over the past few days has been nothing but attentive and clarke is endlessly grateful but struggling with her feelings because lexa left her for dead at that mountain, and had things not gone the way they were now, clarke could be dead. her friends could be dead. but she can't bring herself to hate lexa, because she understands her and knows if the roles had been reversed and she had no other options, it is what she would have done too. and she wonders, wonders how lexa can live with herself, how she's able to hold herself together with grace and regal.

sometimes clarke thinks she finds the answer she's looking for when she's listening to dany babble on and asking for food and holding onto her like a life vessel.)

 .

dany approaches the two hugging bodies minutes later, eager to join, yelling out, "hey, hey!"

.

that night, after dinner, they are sitting in front of a makeshift fireplace in the main room downstairs. tarryn is sipping on a sweet drink that burned clarke's throat when she tried it, deciding that it is some sort of alcohol, lexa is on the floor near the fire with the child on her lap.

and then the child points at clarke, and yells out, "nomon!" in her adorable little voice and tarryn laughs.

"she learned a new word today?"

clarke blushes, and nods slightly, before sitting down on the floor next to lexa. she enunciates slowly, "ma-ma, can you say mama?" the child only grins and flashes her teeth, and makes no effort to repeat the word clarke is trying to teach her. clarke looks up at lexa who is watching her questioningly. "that's the word we use when we refer to our mother," she explains.

lexa replies, "i know that, clarke. she already knows the word, why are you trying to teach her another?"

it takes a moment for clarke to come up with an answer, as if she's trying to word it properly in her head first. "i feel like nomon should be reserved for her real mother, you know? the one who gave birth to her and took care of her before i found her."

the child reaches for lexa's chin and giggles, but lexa only keeps her eyes on clarke. lexa realises that clarke does not feel deserving of that title, as if it is too great, and she says, "you are her true mother now." clarke doesn't speak, only watches the child fondly in lexa's arms. "goufa, where is your mama?"

and the child, who pauses to process the commander's question, turns to clarke and reaches for her, "mama!"

.

(later, when dany is put to bed in the crib that has been installed in clarke's room earlier that day, clarke huffs out in a slightly annoyed tone, "how come she only says the words you teach her but not mine?"

lexa offers her no reply, only laughs and shyly kisses her cheek, "goodnight clarke.")

Chapter Text

you can stand on your own two feet, you can lead me through the streets / pave the way, or we can dream dreams, no one else can see what you made me see / still climbing trees, tripping up over fallen leaves, but holding hands / no one else could ever understand what it's like between us / and that's between us // you said you'd lend me anything / i think i'll have your company / no, you'll never listen to me - paris, kate nash.

.

polis is exciting and refreshing, and clarke explores it with dany in tow every day, sometimes lexa comes along and leads them to her favourite places when she was a child, sometimes tarryn takes her to the market, and teaches her how to haggle with quick-witted vendors. when lexa is meeting with her council or when tarryn is too busy to leave the house, it’s just clarke and dany, moving past the crowds and discovering new places and meeting new people.

clarke was surprised when she learned that people in polis know her, and they regard her the same way they do with lexa, with utmost respect and gratitude for defeating the fear that was the mountain. the first time it happened, dany’s hand was in her grasp, as they walked past the main streets of the capitol. (she has learned not to let go of the child unless the crowd is nothing but a few people milling about, and she does not take her eyes off dany.)

a young man, with his long hair in braids and a sword strapped to his back, curled his fingers around clarke’s free wrist. “sky princess,” he had said, his eyes closing and his head bowing. when he opened his eyes, wide blue eyes were staring back at him in confusion. he had smiled as he let her go, “it is an honour to have you in polis.” he glanced to the small child next to clarke, who was looking up at him curiously.

clarke was stumped, to say the least. sure, she expected this kind of behaviour when she was with lexa, who would usually receive the attention because she was the heda, because this was her people. but she thought it was unusual for them to regard clarke as if she was one of them.

“i- thank you,” she had muttered, and he bowed again before walking past her. and clarke stood there, wondering what just happened, wondering why it just happened, before she was tugged by the child who was pouting at her.

after that, it was no longer uncommon for clarke to stop and be greeted by more grateful admirers, and after that, she can feel the ghosts of the mountain men stop breathing down her neck and leave her troubled mind, one by one.

.

(one day, clarke spends some time thinking to herself, and realises her heart and her mind and her soul, they're healing, she's healing, and she knows that what she did to the mountain and to argos was wrong, but it has finally sunk in that it needed to be done. they would have killed her friends, drained them of their bone marrow to allow themselves freedom on the ground outside. she realises that not only did she save the remaining hundred, she saved the rest of her people, too, her mom, raven, octavia, bellamy.. the list goes on. she even saved the grounders from what the mountain men might have planned for them once they could breathe fresh air and feel the sun on their skin. cage saw them as savages, nothing more but disposable blood bags for his people. he would have decimated the earth, clarke thought. he would have robbed it of everything. he had no hesitation of sending that missile to tondc, he would have none in committing genocide.)

.

(she knows now that argos deserved his fate. lexa's voice echoes in her head, "jus drein, jus daun.")

.

clarke still has her bad days, she doesn't think they'll ever go away. they come few and far in between, but when she whimpers in her sleep and wakes up in the dark, sometimes she finds lexa in her room lighting candles and sitting on the bed, whispering her name and reminding her that they were just nightmares. (but they both know that they are memories of the terrifying acts they’ve committed, lexa won’t pretend she does not have them too.) sometimes clarke finds herself in lexa’s arms in the dark, taking the comfort and warmth that lexa offers her.

sometimes it is not lexa, but dany who is awake in her room. she stands in her crib, roused by clarke’s mutterings, and it is dark but she is not afraid because her mama is there. the child would call out to clarke, until she hears furs and blankets rustling and clarke’s footsteps and strong arms take her from her crib and hold her until they’re asleep on the bed.

(clarke doesn’t have nightmares when she holds dany, when she feels soft breaths on her skin. dany is her shila as much as clarke is hers.)

.

on some days, clarke wakes up and feels like the hero polis has told her she is.

.

they’ve set up a daily routine, the four of them, and it usually goes like this:

dany and clarke wake up, and have breakfast with tarryn and lexa downstairs. sometimes lexa leaves too early and they miss her, sometimes she is getting to ready to leave just as they’re coming down the stairs, and dany doesn’t let her out of the house without a sloppy kiss on her cheek. sometimes she’s already sitting at the dining table with her mother, waiting for the blonde and the child to join them.

after breakfast, clarke takes dany back upstairs to give her a bath, sometimes tarryn helps her, sometimes it is lexa who gets splashed endlessly by the excited child. (once, clarke made a mistake of giving her a bath before breakfast, and dany ended up in the bath twice after she spilled food on herself. never again.) the bath usually calms dany down and she ends up playing with her toys, or they go outside, helping tarryn with her garden. (help isn't the word, the little one picks tomatoes off their vines and shoves them into her mouth, she gets dirt in her clothes and dirt on her face, and she likes to make little muddy puddles to jump in with the watering can. she's more trouble than she is help, and once the adults turned around for five minutes and when they looked at the child again, dany had pulled a lettuce off the ground, and had been peeling it apart, squealing as she scatters its leaves everywhere.)

when dark clouds hover in the sky and threaten to pour rain, they stay inside and clarke comes up with little games to entertain her as lexa watches, but after a while she is usually abandoned in favour of toys. the white knitted rabbit is still dany's favourite, she cuddles it in her sleep and nuzzles its nose and once, clarke taught her how to have a tea party and the three of them sat on the floor and pretended to have tea and listened to dany’s giggles and the raindrops tap, tap, tapping on the roof.

clarke and dany know the house inside and out, at this point, having explored every corner of it. the only room clarke is not familiar with is lexa's quarters, she's only been there once, it is a spacious bedroom with a four post bed, two wardrobes made out of thick wood. one contains lexa’s clothes, the other stores weapons, swords, arrows, spears, knives, all hers, and the commanders that came before her. the walls are lined with sashes of different colours, some bloodied and torn, and lexa tells clarke that they’re of the previous commanders too, that they’re hung up to commemorate their victories, and to remind her of their failures, to remind lexa to avoid committing the mistakes that led to their death.

.

(clarke is reminded by the cruel fact that lexa does not have the same freedom as she does. lexa cannot run from her people, like she did, she has to live with herself and accept her actions and continue to be their heda. she is not afforded the same leniency that clarke received from lincoln, octavia, and bellamy, she would not have been given understanding smiles and well-wishes.

clarke cannot imagine what would happen to lexa if she ran from her title, from her duties, she can’t imagine what would happen to lexa if her abandoned people found her.)

.

dany’s hair becomes a dilemma for them, especially in the morning when it’s tousled and and messy from her sleep. her bushy curls are hard to control and keep away from her face, which is a problem when she eats because the food just ends up in her hair and clarke isn’t even sure how, sometimes. she resorts to tying it back in a bun, but the child is too energetic, she won’t keep still when clarke’s trying to tame her hair.

but one day, clarke catches lexa with the child on her lap, speaking to her quietly in trigedasleng and creating thick, intricate braids into the child’s hair. her hands are slow and gentle and she pulls the child’s braids back and away from her face. dany only seems to calm herself when she is with lexa, she only swings her legs adorably and makes noncommittal noises to keep lexa talking. it’s an adorable sight, and clarke wishes she could keep them like this forever.

.

(she does, she does. she ends up finding charcoal and chalk in one of tarryn’s cupboards and asks permission to use them. tarryn lets her, she even provides paint and paper and ink for clarke to use and it makes her think of abby and how much she misses her own mother. clarke is grateful and promises to use them well, and when dany is napping on her bed, she sketches two figures, a smaller one sat on a larger one, both have dark hair and both have green eyes. it’s a rough sketch, and she feels like she needs more practice since she hasn’t drawn in weeks, but lexa and dany are awed when they first set their eyes on it, and the child seems to recognise who those two figures are.

“whoa,” dany marvels, her hands are gentle on the thin sheet as she takes it, and lexa and clarke are nervous that she will rip it apart like she did with tarryn’s lettuces. “mama,” the child grins, holding up the paper. “see? see?”

lexa lets out a chuckle, before taking it and pinning it on the wall above dany’s crib.

clarke kisses dany’s cheek, “i see, baby.”)

.

lexa takes them to the beach when the sun is scorching and the children hide under the shades of trees instead of running around the centre of the capitol. it’s takes about twenty minutes of walking, so dany ends up in clarke’s arms and lexa carries a picnic her mother prepared.

(she doesn’t mention anything to clarke about avoiding tarryn’s knowing smirk, or blushing when her mother made kissing noises as she walked out of the kitchen.

“leida, yongon!” tarryn had said, laughing. “bye, my child! remember, dany is with you so don’t do anything wouldn’t do!”)

there are children that are years ahead of dany playing in the water and in the sand, and the sun is high up in the sky and baring down on them, and they manage to find a spot that’s being shaded by branches of a tall tree that overlooks the whole stretch of seashore. there’s a gentle gust of wind that keeps them cool from the heat, and clarke notes that it is the first time dany forgoes food to play near the water.

she is ready to follow the child as she totters away from them and towards the soft waves of the sea, but lexa grabs her arm and says, “let her, we can watch her from here.”

clarke’s lips curl up in a smile, “you said that too when we lost her in a crowd.”

lexa shakes her head and smiles, and clarke notices her cheeks flush pink. “that was one time,” she mutters before throwing a grape at clarke’s face. it misses her mouth and hits her chin, and she can’t prevent the laughter that escapes her mouth.

(clarke has never felt this young since the mountain, sitting on the beach, having a picnic with the commander and watching her little child frolic near where waves crash into the wet sand.)

they talk about everything and nothing, about the council and the alliance and the twelve clans, about tarryn's growing vegetables in the backyard, about polis. lexa tells her about one of the children she recognises near them. “he’s one of my generals’ sons, he’s two years older than our goufa.” she fumbles with the apple in her hand, as she realises what she just said, but clarke doesn’t notice and her eyes are jumping from one child to another.

“which one?” clarke asks. there’s a small boy approaching dany now, he’s skinny and taller than her by a few inches, and he has dark hair and he’s shirtless with sand covering his shoulders as if he rolled around in it, and dany squints her eyes when she looks up at him because the sun is glaring down behind him.

lexa looks at him and nods, “that one, near dany.” they watch the two children talk, the boy waving his arms around and it seems as if he’s trying to tell dany something. he’s holding a small, blue starfish in his hand and dany is looking at it curiously. he offers it to her and she’s hesitant, and both clarke and lexa chuckle as they catch sight of dany’s tiny fingers grazing the odd looking thing before drawing her hand back and scrunching up her nose.

“he’s called theo,” lexa says, recalling the first time she met a boy when his father was called to be general a year ago. he had been smaller, scrawnier, shy to approach anyone that wasn’t his mother or father. he’s far from the boy that stands with dany now, boldly grabbing her hand and tugging her into the water. dany is unsure, looking back to where her two mamas are sitting before taking slow steps and feeling soft, wet sand between her toes. the water is up to her knees when she stops and doesn’t go further, and the boy is a few steps ahead of her, waving her over.

“kuma,” he says, urging her on, “come on!” he wants to show her the rock where all of the starfish are stuck to, it's just a little bit ahead of them, but she shakes her head. the waves are higher and reaching the hem of her shorts, and she begins to turn back, towards clarke and lexa, when the boy splashes her and laughs.

she glares until she splashes theo back, and then she giggles. “hey, hey!” she exclaims when he retaliates and showers her with salty sea water, and her hair is wet and her clothes are drenched now, and she waves her hands indicating for him to stop.

he does, and then the boy tilts his head, places his hand on his chest, “ai laik theo,” he says. “i’m theo.”

“theo,” dany repeats and she nods, before running back to her mamas.

.

dany lands on clarke’s lap and she’s wet and her toes are caked with sand, and she shivers when she feels the sun isn’t on her skin anymore, and clarke kisses her cheeks and her nose.

“sanch?” clarke asks, familiar enough with the word. “lunch?”

“the correct word is dina,” lexa reminds them as she’s taking out sandwiches from the pack.

the child pays her no mind and grins, “sanch!”

.

(“see, clarke? she does say the words you teach her,” lexa says, smirking.

clarke rolls her eyes playfully. “i didn’t teach her that one, she already knew it before we met.”)

.

when the number of children playing in the water are dwindling, and the sun is beginning going down, theo approaches them and greets his heda with a wave. then he addresses dany, “ai souda gon we. ai na ai yu op fosson?” dany watches him speak slowly, and she tilts her head at him. “i have to go. i’ll see you tomorrow?”

lexa chuckles, clarke is lost the moment he started to speak trigedasleng and she looks at her for a translation. instead, lexa answers the boy, “perhaps,” and she’s grinning from ear to ear and he’s the son of a general, so he knows enough gonasleng to be able to translate her answer. he nods shyly before scampering off. when he’s gone, dany crawls on to lexa’s lap. “it seems you’ve made a friend, strikon,” she says as the child nuzzles her face into the crook of lexa’s neck.

.

when dany tugs and whines that she wants for both of them to go with her to the water, they leave their stuff and they’re led by the child towards the sea. they don’t go far into it, lexa’s wearing her light armour and she would not like to go home soaked, and clarke is anxious to go into the water, thinking about man-eating sharks and snakes and the fact that she can’t really swim.

lexa accidentally splashes water into clarke’s mouth and she coughs and says, “crap, that’s salty.”

and of course, the little parrot named dany hears a new word and she repeats it, “crap!”

“no, no, no.” clarke crouches down and shakes her head, “don’t say that word, that’s a bad word.”

lexa, who is not entirely familiar with the word, says, “words do not have a sense of virtue, clarke.” she’s just as confused as the child who is gazing up at clarke. “what does it mean?”

clarke remembers when she was in tondc for the first time, when raven sat on the cart that carried finn’s corpse, when she kept seeing him in the corner of her eyes. she remembers hearing one of lexa’s guards mutter a word that lincoln later translated for her. she stands and leans close to lexa so the child doesn’t hear. “skrish?”

lexa’s jaw falls open slightly when she realises and she nods, and she misses the close proximity when clarke steps back and turns to the child again.

“don’t say that word again, okay?”

dany tilts her head and raises an eyebrow, and they both forget that this little human is only a year and a half old. she asks, “crap?”

“yes, crap-- don’t say that. bad word, no, no.” clarke is shaking her head and lexa is watching her with an amused expression, and she surmises that little mistakes like these are part of parenthood, but it is wonderful, and she is glad to be a part of all of this.

(this little family that they’ve created, it feels too good to be true, and lexa knows she won’t let anything happen to it. love is weakness, she tells herself, but she will do anything for her love, for this love.)

.

the sun is setting and clarke notices dany yawn, so she suggests they should head home. clarke and lexa are leading the child out of the water who doesn’t want to leave yet, so she’s splashing about behind them. lexa is first out of the water and she’s heading towards their spot, to pack up their things, when she hears dany suddenly yelp and splash in the water.

she turns around so fast that she gets dizzy for a moment, and she sees clarke take the child into her arms, and dany is crying and something is very wrong.

clarke walks briskly towards her, worry etched on her face. “she just started crying, i think something scared her.” she’s putting the child on the ground and she’s still bawling, and lexa notices a red mark on her right ankle.

she’s seen it before, from her childhood, she used to get them all the time when she played in the beach with her sisters. “a jellyfish sting,” lexa notes and dany gulps and ceases her crying to look down at her ankle. she lets out a soft whimper when clarke’s fingertips skim across the sting.

“there is salve that will soothe her at home,” lexa reassures both of them and she spares no thought in taking the child into her arms, and kissing her forehead.

.

tarryn emerges from the kitchen into the hallway to greet them when they get home, and she sees a pouting dany in lexa’s arms, and clarke carrying the pack they brought with them earlier.

“dany got stung by a jellyfish,” clarke tells her as they gather in the main rooms and lexa sits on one of the couches, with the child on her lap. tarryn lets out a sympathetic noise, before walking out of the room again to retrieve the salve.

clarke settles down next to lexa and wipes sand off the child’s feet, while the commander that once led an army to war with her is whispering gentle words into dany’s ear.

“mama,” the child murmurs, reaching for clarke’s hand and clasping it with hers, and she snuggles further into lexa’s arms as tarryn returns with a vial in her hand.

.

later that night, when clarke is getting dany ready for bed, lexa quietly walks into their bedroom and hands dany a small jar filled with colourful rocks and clarke asks her what they are.

“sweets,” lexa replies as she eyes the angry, red sting on the child’s ankle. dany shakes the jar and tries to pry the lid off, she tugs at clarke with a grunt, pushing the jar into her hands and looking up at her impatiently.

clarke shakes her head, “it’s bedtime. tomorrow, okay?”

dany whines, affronted, and she’s exhausted from all the playing she did today, and when she is tired, she’s grumpy. clarke is picking her up and settling the child against her chest, rocking her and humming, and soon she’s lulling her to sleep.

(lexa will never get tired of clarke transforming into this creature she becomes when she is interacting with dany. she’s free of her monsters, free of her burdens, only gentle and calm and looks at this child with love.

when clarke glances at her with the same look she gives dany, lexa realizes how in love she is with the girl who fell from the sky.)

.

when they finish breakfast the next morning, dany doesn’t forget about the jar filled with sweets. they’re left alone in the house, tarryn is out to run errands, lexa left at dawn to prepare for her meeting with her council, and clarke opts to staying in with dany after her little injury. (dany is amused with her sting, poking it even though clarke insisted not to.) she tugs at clarke like she did last night, to have the jar opened. clarke is reluctant, she’s sure a child her age isn’t supposed to have that much sugar, but she can’t find the will to say no to dany’s adorable pout.

“just one,” clarke tells her, as the lid is pulled open and she takes a pebble sized treat for herself. dany nods but does not look up at her, only keeps her eyes fixed on the jar. the sweet taste spreads across her tongue, and there's a hint of sour mixed in, and it tastes a little bit like an orange. clarke wonders where lexa may have gotten them, she's pretty sure she hasn't seen an orange anywhere since she arrived on the ground. then again, she hasn't seen them since she was six and still up in the ark. she was one of the few privileged people who were able to eat the last of the fresh fruits, before the farming station had to discontinue producing them to conserve energy and oxygen.

she leaves the child for a few minutes to get a glass of water in the kitchen, and when she comes back into the main room, the jar is on the floor, empty, with all of the candy in dany’s mouth. her cheeks are bulging and there’s drool on her chin, and she looks up at clarke with guilt in her wide eyes, it is as if she knows she wasn’t supposed to do that. she tries to smile, but her mouth is full of fruity rocks and clarke hurries to sit next to her, worried that she might choke.

the child refuses to spit them out, and they stay in her mouth until they're soft enough to chew. after a while, dany swallows the last of it and grins up at clarke proudly.

"see?" she asks before sticking out her tongue. then she reaches for the glass of water in clarke's hand and gulps it down.

about an hour later, she no longer worries for dany, but for the state of the house. actually, she’s worried for herself, as she tries to calm the child from her sugar rush.

dany has pulled the leaves off the various plants that tarryn keeps in the house, she has attempted to crawl up the stairs not once, not twice, but three times, with clarke scrambling after her. she has jumped off the couch and landed on the floor with a thud, only to get back on her feet and shriek on the top of her lungs. tarryn arrives when she’s trying to climb on top of the oak dining table, clarke is grabbing her and trying to pull her off of it, and lexa’s mother is momentarily perplexed by the sight in front of her.

“she ate all of the sweets that lexa gave her,” clarke explains as she struggles with the hyperactive child in her arms, who has now taken to babbling and squeezing clarke’s cheeks in her hands and swinging her legs.

tarryn laughs because clarke looks so worried, yet so terrified of the little human in her arms. “let her run outside so she will exhaust herself,” tarryn suggests and clarke wonders why she didn’t think of that in the first place.

they let her run around the backyard, and she yanks on all of the bushes’ leaves and she only attempts to climb the apple tree by tarryn’s little vegetable garden twice. (the first time, clarke didn’t even notice until she saw dany’s little boots dangling off of a low branch. the second time, clarke is on her before she even reaches that branch again.) she shrieks with excitement at everything, even at the lone tree stump that sits in the middle of the backyard, before hopping onto it.

.

it takes another two hours for dany to finally calm down, and she approaches clarke and flops down on her lap. it’s midday and she yawns, and clarke, relieved, laughs and kisses her head. “tired, huh?”

dany yawns again, “mama,” she mumbles sleepily, before clutching onto clarke’s shirt and closing her eyes.

clarke carries her into the house, but she only makes it to the couches in the main room instead of upstairs, and they settle on the couch, and clarke is grateful for the peace that has returned to the house.

that is how lexa finds them in the afternoon, curled up around each other on the couch. the hardened mask she wears when she deals with her council as their heda melts off as she catches sight of clarke and dany peacefully napping, and she can’t prevent the huff of laughter that escapes her as she watches the little child snore.

.

when they both wake up, lexa is perched on the seat adjacent to theirs, as if it was her throne. she has a book in her hand, and she is flipping it casually as she greets them with, “it is almost dinner time.”

the child yawns as she wiggles out of clarke’s arms and pads over to lexa, who does not hesitate in placing the book down and lifting the child on her lap. a sleepy grin appears on dany’s face and she closes her eyes as her cheeks are peppered with kisses by the commander.

“you are not allowed to give her anymore of those things,” clarke says, sitting up on the couch, her voice is hoarse from sleep and lexa would be terrified of the glare she is throwing her if she didn’t think it was adorable. “those sweets,” clarke hisses as if they were a danger to society, “gave her a sugar rush for hours, lexa. she went insane.”

the child frowns as if she understands the conversation that is happening right now, and lexa throws her head back and laughs. “i am sorry i missed that.” and clarke is sort of half awake but that laugh has definitely woken something deep in her bones, and she tries to ingrain this image in her brain, of the heda with this child on her lap, smiling and laughing freely, and she feels her heart flutter.

clarke scowls though, and rolls her eyes playfully when lexa whispers loudly to the child, “worry not, goufa, i will get you some more.”

dany grins conspiratorially and whispers back, “please.”

.

their daily regimen varies a lot. when dany seems bored of her toys, or when she is sick of playing inside, she’ll whine at clarke and try to lead her to the front door to indicate that she wants to go out, to explore the world outside, and clarke thinks one day, maybe she just wants to play with theo again. if clarke is briefly preoccupied with something, the child will take her boots and toss them at lexa’s lap, before plopping down in front of her and raising her little feet in the air.

once, while clarke is in the bath and dany and lexa are downstairs, dany tugs at the commander and leads her to the front door. she points to it, and lets out a little noise to inform lexa of what she wants.

“not yet, dany,” lexa tells her, crouching to get down on eye-level with the child. “clarke is not yet finished with her bath.” she watches the child jut out her bottom lip and pad over to where her boots rest. dany scoops them up and throws them at lexa’s feet.

“mama,” she says, looking up at lexa, whose eyes widen suddenly. “mama, mama, mama.” dany repeats the word, clutching onto lexa’s clothes and wiggling her toes.

the commander gulps, and she says slowly, quietly, “i’m not your mama. clarke is your mama.” her heart is thudding in her chest, and she feels like she needs to run somewhere and hide in the forest and cry, because she realises immediately that this child is offering the same unyielding love and loyalty that she easily offered clarke.

(a child’s love is resolute, in lexa’s mind. she knows it is unforgivingly overwhelming, she knows, because that is the same love she has for tarryn, the mother who bore her, dressed her, the mother who kissed away her tears as a child and the first one who held her when she was declared heda. tarryn was there for lexa when she needed her, and lexa knows she will be there until tarryn’s last breath.)

the child blinks, seemingly processing what lexa just said. undeterred, she gently places her palm on lexa’s cheek and a toothy grin appears on her face. “mama,” dany says again.

“ai nou laik yu nomon,” lexa repeats. she is frozen and her eyes are misty, and her chest feels like it’s going to burst. “i am not your mother.”

the child, suddenly bored of this conversation, pats her cheek and says, “shoes, mama.”

and the stairs creak behind them and clarke is standing there, her mouth half open in an awed smile, her hand on the bannister and her hair up in a bun. her cheeks are still pink from her bath and lexa gulps.

dany skips over to her, looks up and squeals, “mama, mama!” she is pointing to her boots and she knows clarke will understand her, and finally, clarke picks her up and steps closer to lexa who stands from her crouching position.

they’re silent for a while as clarke slips dany’s boots on her, and right before they walk out of the front door to explore polis once again, clarke tells lexa, “maybe she just needs to call you something.”

lexa takes in a breath and responds, “i am not her mother, clarke.”

a slow smile spreads on clarke’s face as she narrows her eyes. with a gentle shake of her head, she says, “neither am i.”

.

(lexa thinks the seer should have predicted this gift this child has. the gift of reuniting lost loved ones, the gift of bringing people together, the gift of sharing this immense amount of love so easily. love may be lexa’s weakness, but for dany, love is her strength.)

.

that night, as lexa and clarke lay in separate beds, waiting for sleep to claim them, one fact sinks into their minds: they are mothers now.

Chapter Text

nobody seems to know my name / so don't leave me to sleep on my own / may we stay lost on our way home - c'mon, panic! at the disco & fun.

.

when dany is a little over a month away from her second birthday, clarke and lexa notice the most peculiar thing happen.

the child does not eat her food.

(she's always peckish, which seems normal to clarke because she is a growing child after all. clarke has learned which foods to give her and which to never give her when she asks outside of their regular meal times. she has learned after making the mistake of giving dany half of a sandwich, then arguing with her two hours later when she won't stop playing with her dinner.)

they're sitting at the table, having breakfast; tarryn is off to see lexa's brother, whose pregnant wife just gave birth, so it's just the three of them, when dany sighs deeply. an untouched plate of food sits in front of her, and she's squeezing the spoon in her hand. so it makes sense, for clarke and lexa to automatically assume the worst, when the child who seemingly has a bottomless appetite, does not want to eat, only squinting her eyes at food clarke made for all of them. her eyes are tired and drooping, and she looks up to her mamas' panicked, questioning stares. dany's eyes close when she feels clarke's cool palm on her forehead, and she whines a little, wanting to be lifted up.

"she's burning, lexa," dany hears clarke say, her voice laced with worry. "i think she has a fever."

clarke's hand on her forehead is being replaced with lexa's hands on her cheeks, and she blinks her eyes open to see the commander examining her face.

lexa murmurs, nodding in agreement, "her eyes are sullen. she is unwell."

then clarke takes the child into her arms, and asks, "does anything hurt?" dany lifts her hand and points a finger to her temple, a whimper escapes her when clarke kisses the side of her head. she hears clarke mumble about medicine before pausing.

"do you have anything that can make her feel better?"

lexa nods, moving across the kitchen to pick jars off of the shelves. "my mother has herbs that we can make tea with, it will help."

and there's a twinge of doubt in clarke's chest, as she looks at lexa's back then at the child in her arms, but it quickly disappears when lexa turns around and she sees that look of worry that she knows is mirrored on her own face. lexa would never hurt dany, never intentionally, she would never hurt either of them, not if she’s left with no choice.

(clarke accepts that now, she knows the mountain is behind them now. she has forgiven lexa, but her heart will forever grieve for those lost souls, those innocent people who were caught up in between all of this.

she will never forget their burned skin, their dead bodies. victory stands on the back of sacrifice, echoes in her ears.)

.

the tea makes dany drowsy, and soon she’s being laid down on clarke’s bed, between her two shila who murmur quietly as she sleeps.

.

“how come you never told anyone that your name was alexandria?” clarke inquires, as she places a wet, cool cloth on the child’s forehead. it was something she was curious about since their first night in polis, and the name feels different on her tongue, it feels more authoritative, more assertive, than lexa.

“you never asked,” the commander quips, a slight smirk on her face. clarke notices her eyes are brighter these days, livelier, happier, and she watches lexa look down at the child affectionately as she pushes a strand of her hair away from her face. “everyone knows that is my name, clarke.”

“not me,” clarke replies. “i always thought your name was just lexa.”

“the sky people know my name as lexa. my people know me as alexandria.” the amusement is clear on lexa’s face now, and she grins at the blonde. “you were the only one who called me that. everyone else called me by my title.”

clarke’s mouth falls open as she recalls all the times that clarke called her commander, and all the times clarke called her lexa, and she realises that the latter happened more often than the former.

“i told jaha and kane that my name was lexa when we initially met,” she continues, and lexa momentarily forgets about the sleeping, feverish child between them, her eyes flicking between clarke’s eyes and her pink lips. “the sky people got it from them, and i made no effort to correct any of you.”

clarke notices lexa gulp, and it takes her back to that time, that kiss. she unconsciously leans in and clarke adds, mumbling, “there were bigger problems back then.”

lexa nods in agreement, her eyes trained on clarke’s lips, and they’re inches away, and she can smell wildflowers that the child made into a crown yesterday, the one clarke wore until she went to bed, and--

the kiss is chaste, at first. the angle isn’t quite right and lexa tilts her head, capturing clarke’s top lip between her own and she hears blood rush into her ears and her stomach swoop when clarke kisses back. a guttural moan escapes her throat when she feels clarke’s tongue dart out, and clarke wants lexa closer, and--

dany’s eyes blink open, and she lets out a whine when she feels something pressing down on her foot, and she sees clarke and lexa kissing, and she groans.

“gyon op, mama,” dany mutters, her voice thick with interrupted sleep, “get up, mama.” just as she’s closing her eyes, the two bodies in front of her separate quickly, and she hears clarke yelp as she falls off the bed.

.

(dany ends up falling back asleep five minutes later, and clarke spends that amount of time flustered and wincing, rubbing the back of her head with lexa barely able to conceal her laughter.)

.

tarryn returns that night, gushing about lexa’s new nephews. they’re in the kitchen, unpacking all of the food lexa’s mother brought with her from her son’s quiet little village, and placing them in their respective jars and shelves.

“twins?” clarke asks, her blue eyes filled with astonishment.

tarryn nods, proud and delighted. “they are small but both perfect,” she replies, before turning to lexa, “yu bro insists that you visit soon.”

lexa’s back is turned to them, “soon,” she echoes. “the council is complete, nomon, it will be another while until i am free to do so.”

.

(lexa explains to clarke later that night why her mother is so ecstatic; the mortality rate for twins is low, and even if the mother survives childbirth and the babies come out alive, most of the time, they are left in the woods, to let nature reclaim them.

“why?” clarke asks, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

lexa replies, “twins are commonly born imperfect, sometimes missing an arm or fingers, other times born with more. it is done to keep the bloodline pure, clarke.”

“that’s inhumane,” clarke mutters, her fingers tangled in a sleeping dany’s curly hair in an attempt to straighten it out.

“that is the way of life.”)

.

(clarke explains to lexa after a little while why she’s so excited to hear about them; twins aren’t allowed to exist back in the ark. if a pregnant woman’s ultrasound reveals twins, the chief of medical station is required by law to tell the chancellor, who is also required by law to tell the expecting mother that her pregnancy will be aborted.

“only one child is allowed per couple,” clarke reminds the confused commander. “the same thing happens when someone gets pregnant twice.” she watches lexa nod, seemingly mulling it over in her head.

“octavia exists,” lexa mentions. “she is bellamy’s sister, is she not?”

clarke explains, “she is, she’s also an illegal child. that’s why she got sent to the ground, they locked her up for existing.”)

.

she is standing outside, the grass underneath her bare feet, and in front of her are tall, dark trees, only illuminated by the moon. there is a pack, she can see their eyes in between the barks of the trees, and dany feels their howls echo deep in her chest, they are calling her. she wakes up sweating and afraid, and she lets out a cry in the dark. clarke wakes up to her whimpering in her crib, and she is quick to take the child into her arms and comfort her. the curtains are pulled together to keep the cold out, but there is a gap between them and dany can see the full moon peeking in.

dany hears their howls, ringing in her ears, as she falls back asleep.

.

the next morning, tarryn offers to teach clarke how to bake. “i will teach you something easy, like bread,” she reassures, gesturing for her to come into the kitchen.

dany is moody because she didn’t get enough sleep, so lexa has taken it upon herself to relieve clarke for a little bit and rock the child in her arms, trying to lull her to sleep.

and so clarke agrees and follows tarryn into the kitchen, but not before she kisses lexa’s cheek as a silent thank-you.

(for the record, lexa has little experience in taking care of a child. she is tarryn’s youngest daughter, so there was nobody for her to follow around and keep out of trouble, her sisters’ and brother did that for her. lexa was declared to be heda at the age of ten, and she trained until she was sixteen in order to pass the test, so she had no time to surround herself with babies and toddlers and other children, not when she had the title of commander placed on her shoulders. she only had rare interactions with children after peace with the twelve clans was called, when her people could breathe easier, when she wasn’t almost always covered in blood and dirt and bruises.

when she returned to polis after costia was gone, when she was wallowing in her grief, when little feet with toothy grins came up to her and offered to braid flowers into her hair. she would tell them of stories, of fables and legends, of the animals and dangers and wonders lurking beyond the walls of the capitol. and they would assure their allegiance to her, their loyalty, their bravery would only be in her name. secretly her heart would break a little, because she knows how most of her warriors end up. and when the sun was down, they’d scurry off, ending lexa’s short reprieve, and leaving her to go back to their parents.)

dany, who only wants to go outside and find her wolves, finds herself cooped up inside the house since the adults are worried for her health, and this frustrates her even more, but she doesn’t complain when lexa hums quietly. her hand is stroking dany’s back and she occasionally leaves kisses on her head, and soon lexa notices the child’s breathing even out. she is swaying in the main room, holding dany in her arms, and she smiles fondly, as she listens to her mother teach clarke how to knead dough properly in the kitchen.

.

(tarryn presses the balls of her palm into the dough and she tells clarke, “nou, yongon, you must do it like this.”

clarke mimics her actions, “like this?”

“sha, sha, you learn quick.”)

.

dany always seems to find herself barefoot, standing outside, in her dreams. but every night, she gets closer to her wolves, and it is as if they’re showing her where to go.

one night, she doesn’t wake up whimpering and hearing howls echoing in her ears. she sleeps soundly, and her interrupted dreams finally mesh together.

(barefoot, on the grass. past the fence of the commander’s home, turn left, past the trade stalls, keep walking, keep walking. reach the river, dario and niya are standing there, her brother and her mother, staring at her, they’re walking backwards, into the water, they don’t stop until their heads are under the current, keep walking, keep walking. follow the river, find a boulder, bigger than a horse, a ruined piece of the old world. turn right, see the trees, tall, dark trees. push past the bushes, follow the dirt path, keep walking, keep walking. find a clearing, wide and open and green, with flowers and butterflies all around it. tamo and lila are there, her father and her sister standing at the other end of the clearing, before turning around and disappearing into darkness. go towards the centre, look down, tiny toes are covered in mud, keep walking, keep walking.

the dark wolf sits there, patient eyes trained on her. he huffs out before licking her face.

finally, it seems to say without words, you are here.)

.

it’s just a mild case of the flu, they decide after days of observation. eventually, dany’s lethargy and lack of appetite goes away, and her bright and cheerful disposition returns in no time.

what doesn’t go away, is the way she interrupts clarke and lexa’s recently established make out sessions, often waking up from her nap to find them tangled in each other. one time, she toddles from where she’s giggling with tarryn into the main room of the commander’s home, and finds clarke on lexa’s lap. it takes only a word for them to jump away from each other, flustered and pretending that they weren’t guilty of nearly debauching each other only moments before.

(it takes only a word before one of them receives some sort of self-inflicted injury, usually from falling off of the other’s lap.

more often than not, tarryn trails behind dany to find clarke clutching her head.)

.

it has been weeks since dany has been plagued by wolves in her dreams, so lately all she’s been dreaming about are her toys and clarke and lexa, and sometimes tarryn and theo. they never make sense to her, only abstract colours and their faces, their voices. they don’t leave her longing for the woods, longing for the pack that has been looking for her.

.

it occurs to clarke one day, that her life has been going great over the last few weeks. she hasn't been faced with life-threatening danger, she's not struggling to feed herself, or even thinking about rationing food, she bathes regularly, and she has found herself smiling and laughing and being carefree.

(she thinks about the fact that her heart isn’t full of mourning, not anymore. nowadays, it is full of dany and lexa, and memories of her father and her mother and wells, before things went wrong, and all of her friends.)

and clarke sits, on the shore of the river west of their house, watching the child toss pebbles into the water, and she realises that one of these days, the other shoe will drop eventually.

.

dany squints her eyes at the bright sunlight that is trickling through the leaves of the tree above her, and she remembers that she’s on the hammock they created hours before. she fell asleep on lexa’s lap, listening to her two mamas talk and laugh as clarke sketches with charcoal.

but now she’s alone and she manages to get down from the hammock and halfway through the backyard, towards the door, where clarke and lexa are probably making out in the kitchen yet again, when she hears a quiet growl behind her.

dany turns and she sees him, her dark furred wolf, crouched low behind the bushes. she can see his wagging, fluffy tail, and when she takes a few steps closer, he begins to whine and jump from his position. it’s almost like a tug, the wolf is pulling her towards him, towards the pack, towards the woods where her spirit should be running free.

(it isn’t common, it’s almost unheard of, for spirits to be passed on from animals of nature to human vessels. but there are rumours and myths, told by elders and seers of spirits of the beasts that haunt them in the dark, being passed on to become brave and ferocious warriors of different clans.)

the invisible tug disappears though, as quickly as she felt it, when something startles the wolf and causes it to retreat back into the shadows.

she’s confused, but she lets it go and makes her way into the house, calling out for clarke and lexa.

(her assumptions are correct when she finds lexa pressed against the kitchen counter, her lips attached to clarke’s.

there are no self-inflicted injuries this time, only a quiet groan from the commander when clarke moves away from her and towards the child.)

.

lexa’s meetings are held in the building next to the commander’s home, and one day, she takes dany and clarke inside her war strategy room, when her council is away and preoccupied with other things. there is a large table in the centre filled with maps and a miniature model of polis and its nearby villages, and there are seats around it. lexa’s throne is positioned towards the back of the room, and it is similar to the one in tondc.

“it is still called the war strategy room, even though we are no longer in a war.” lexa remarks as she stands beside clarke, who is taking in the elegant drapes hung up on the wall. “that is all thanks to you,” she murmurs quietly, knowing the subject of the mountain is one clarke is not fond of.

“it wasn’t just me,” clarke replies, she can’t look at lexa’s proud eyes, so she lets herself take slow steps towards the table instead. “bellamy helped, he and i pulled the lever together.”

behind her, lexa nods, and clarke can’t see the hint of jealousy that flashes in her eyes.

“you helped too,” clarke mutters, taking a small model of a tree and twirling it in her fingers. “kind of,” she adds.

the child, who is currently being ignored during this conversation, has managed to make her way over to lexa’s throne and pull herself on top of it. she lets out a squeal of victory as she sits on the heda’s throne, her tiny feet nowhere reaching the floor. “mama,” dany raises her hands up and waves them. “see?”

an automatic smile appears on lexa’s face, “how did you get there?”

“is she allowed to be there?” clarke asks, eyeing the throne and the weapons that seem to be glued together at the back of it.

lexa replies, “i allow it, so yes, clarke,” and her eyes are fixed on blonde hair braided back, revealing the nape of clarke's neck. her eyes linger on clarke’s skin for a bit, her lips aching to kiss it, before she lets out a quiet sigh, "there is something you must know," she says. (she doesn't want to ruin this, this domesticity they’ve created, this bubble. lexa knows things will change again once she tells clarke.

but they are leaders first before they are anything, and it is their duty, to protect their people.)

clarke turns to her, eyes curious, and lexa adds, "it is about the sky people."

.

“after the fall of the mountain, i’ve achieved peace between the twelve clans by promoting trade. there are still some issues between rival clans, but it is working, clarke.” lexa declares, her eyes glancing occasionally at the child standing on the chair, playing with the little figures on the map. “my generals and i have come up with a barter system within the clans, and our survival of this approaching winter is guaranteed. however, the sky people’s survival is not.”

clarke counters with, “they have the technology to survive, the ones that raven would’ve developed and the ones that they can get from the mountain.” her voice is unwavering, but underneath, she feels like her chest is going to cave in at the thought of her people, her friends, her mother.

lexa nods, “i know, that is something that my generals are concerned with.” she recalls their aggressive demands to kill off the sky people before they could attack, before they could retaliate for the betrayal at the entrance of the mountain. she recalls their indignation when she suggested the sky people should join the coalition, for twelve clans to become thirteen.

“my generals wanted to wait until after winter, clarke, but on your behalf, i insisted.” and lexa looks her in the eyes, her chin held high, and she announces, “clarke, i offer a place for the sky people in the coalition.”

and it is only the three of them, in this room. guards are stationed outside but they cannot hear the conversation, and the child who is playing suddenly looks up when she notices the thick silence.

dany climbs down from the chair and stands between her mamas, looking up at them with questioning eyes.

“we can send a messenger to camp jaha, clarke,” lexa suggests, as she watches clarke considering her options. “they can come here, to polis, to discuss what they can offer this new alliance.”

clarke shakes her head, “no,” she protests. “after the mountain, they don’t trust you anymore. they’ll think of it as a threat.” she looks down at the child tugging on her leg, and clarke takes dany into her arms. she presses a kiss on the child’s cheek, “i have to go with the messenger, i have to prove it to them that you can be trusted.”

“are you ready for that?”

clarke looks at her, and answers, “no, but we don’t have a choice, do we?”

and the commander nods, and clarke’s thoughts echoes lexa’s.

they are leaders first, before they are anything.

.

(and that other shoe that clarke was waiting for, it comes in the form of a usually stoic commander, telling her that she must face her demons.)

.

that night, as they are having dinner, lexa tells her, “i have arranged your trip for camp jaha, you leave tomorrow morning.”

tarryn pipes up, “you are leaving us already?”

clarke can see the immediate sadness in her eyes, and she is quick to reassure the woman who has been her second mother over the last few weeks. “no, no, i’m coming back.”

“she’ll be back within days, nomon,” lexa adds distractedly, wiping sauce off of the child’s face who is sitting next to her.

tarryn sighs in relief, “good,” she says. she goes back to her food, but a few moments later, she asks, “and the child?”

lexa answers, “she’s staying here.”

at the same time clarke replies, “i’m taking her with me.”

and then they both stare at each other, clarke’s eyes narrowed, lexa’s head shaking. the latter is the first to recover.

“clarke, the journey will exhaust her. it would be best for her to stay in polis with me.”

the blonde argues, “you’ll have meetings.”

“i can watch the strikon,” tarryn chimes in.

“yes, my nomon can watch her when i am busy. dany is staying, clarke.” and lexa knows she has won this one, and she smirks slightly, triumphant.

and the child, who finishes her dinner, climbs down from her seat and makes her way towards clarke, climbing onto her lap and kissing her chin, unaware of the nature of the conversation.

.

when dany is sleeping her crib, the white knitted rabbit’s ear clutched in her fingers, and when clarke and lexa are entwined on clarke’s bed, lexa presses a kiss on clarke’s temple and whispers, “come back to me.”

(it means, be safe. it means, i want this, i want you.

it means, i love you.)

clarke smiles in the dark, and she whispers back, “i promise.”

(it means, i love you, too.)

.

tarryn kisses both of clarke’s cheeks that morning, bidding her goodbye. “do not be long, yongon, i have more baking lessons for you,” she chuckles, and there are tears in her eyes.

clarke feels everything seems so final, and she wishes she’s telling the truth. “i’m coming back, don’t worry.”

.

the three of them are walking towards the gates of polis, lexa’s fingers intertwined with clarke’s. “my mother cries at everything,” the commander tells her quietly. it is early and polis is just waking up, and clarke has dany’s wrist in her other hand. “thank you for not being alarmed.”

“she’s the opposite of you,” clarke remarks, laughing lightly. beside her, the child yawns, and she shivers slightly in the crisp morning air.

lexa stops walking suddenly, and she looks at clarke, a fond smile on her face. “clarke,” she murmurs, before placing a hand on clarke’s neck and pulling her in for a kiss. clarke doesn’t get to kiss her back, lexa rests her forehead against hers and brushes her the tip of her nose with her own.

“i thought i’d do that now, while nobody is around,” she explains, her voice shy and quiet.

(they haven’t told anyone about this new thing between them, and they’re sure that dany is the only one that knows because she’s the only who has caught them. and they think maybe tarryn has her suspicions, ever since lexa told clarke that her mother has been nudging her towards that direction.

they’re not ready to tell polis yet, not until this alliance is sorted out first. they want to take this slow, they want to explore what they mean to each other.)

clarke laughs, “dany is here,” she says.

“you know what i mean,” lexa groans. she is silenced almost immediately when clarke tilts her head and captures her lips again for another kiss.

“hey, hey,” the child tugs at both of them, sounding very bored and annoyed that she is out of bed at this hour. “mama,” she whines.

.

when clarke turns her back and mounts her horse, dany whines and struggles in lexa’s arms. the commander tries to comfort her, whispering gentle trigedasleng in her ear, telling her clarke will be back soon.

when the messenger atop his own horse leads the small group past the gates and out of polis, dany lets out a piercing wail.

“mama,” she cries in lexa’s arms, big tears rolling down her cheeks, as lexa walks home with the sobbing child, bouncing her and rocking her and trying to distract her with food and toys displayed in trade stands.

“mama,” dany shrieks as they walk past the threshold of the commander’s home. tarryn comes down from the stairs and finds a flustered lexa and an upset dany.

“mama is here,” lexa tells the child, “i’m here, it’s okay, strikon.”

and tarryn nearly misses a step on the stairs and lexa’s heart squeezes in her chest when dany sobs out, “mama clarke.”

“she’ll be back soon, i promise. she will come back for us.”

Chapter Text

please don't lose your faith / don't worry 'cause i'm here to keep you safe / i promise if you let me see your face, that i won't let you down / i won't let you down / i'm here to wipe your eyes - wipe your eyes, maroon 5.

.

dany falls asleep first before she stops crying, and it nearly drives lexa insane. tarryn offers to take the child from her, to distract her and play with her and take her mind off the fact that clarke is temporarily gone, but dany doesn't let herself be taken away from lexa.

('not her too,' the child must be trying to say, in between the loud wails that fills the whole house.)

she has had a frown on her face since clarke's white horse disappeared through the gates of the capitol, and after nearly three hours of shrieking and asking for 'mama clarke,' the child is reduced to deep breaths and muffled whimpering and hiccups, before she falls asleep in her second mama’s arms.

lexa, who has fought in wars, hunted spies and executed warriors with an impassive face, frowned along with her and felt like she watched her heart break right in front of her as she tried to calm dany. she's thankful now that the child has tired herself out, she didn't think it'd be this bad once clarke was gone.

(this child is lost without clarke, and she thinks maybe she is, too.)

"would you like me to put her in her crib, yongon?" her mother asks, sighing in relief for the peace that has returned to their home.

"i can do it, nomon," lexa answers, before slowly getting up from the couch and making her way upstairs, as quietly as she can. she internally curses the creaky steps of the stairs, silently threatening its demolition if it causes the child to wake, but she makes it to the top and into clarke's room without any further problems, and she settles dany on the soft furs of the bed before moving quickly to take the child's boots off.

lexa mumbles to herself about how they need to get her a new pair once clarke comes back, and maybe a bigger jacket since she's growing up so fast. (she can't believe it's only been four months, lexa swears it has been longer than that.)

then she lays down next to the child, brushing off stray hair away from dany's face, before kissing her temple and joining her in her nap.

.

lexa wakes up nearly an hour later, when dany stirs in her sleep and mumbling in her sleep, cuddling closer to her. she watches that upturned twitch of the child’s lips fade into a peaceful smile, lexa realises that she is probably the luckiest commander there ever was, finishing the century long war and waging peace, living the life most heda do not ever get to imagine: a domestic life with the one that they love and a child to raise, a child to offer the world.

(she called the peace of the twelve clans with costia in her heart, lexa did not let the bitterness of her death sacrifice countless warriors for an attempt to take down the ice queen.

now, she calls for peace between thirteen clans, with dany snuggled perfectly in her arms and clarke in her heart and her mind, and lexa will not let any harm come to both of them.)

.

lexa wakes up for a second time a little while later, to a small hand tapping her cheek.

dany is awake, sitting up and pouting, her eyes puffy from crying, and she mumbles, "sanch, please." her voice is croaky and she lets herself be lifted up by lexa, who leaves a few soft kisses on her cheek before making her way downstairs.

while tarryn fixes them something to eat, the child turns to lexa and asks, “mama clarke?” her tongue rolls at the ‘r’, and the ‘k’ gets stuck in the back of her throat, and it dawns on lexa that dany pronounces clarke’s name the way she does.

“she will be back soon,” lexa repeats the phrase she has said many times earlier as she walked home with a red-faced, crying child in her arms. clarke hasn’t even been gone for a full day and already her absence has made an impact.

dany isn’t satisfied with her reply, and she wraps her little fingers around the collar of lexa’s shirt, and she asks again, “mama clarke?” her voice gets higher at the end, and lexa can sense the beginning of her whining, and dany keeps on tugging until the commander answers.

(and lexa isn’t entirely sure what to say to the child, because how much of it will she understand? how much of it will she accept?)

so she cups dany’s face in her hands and murmurs, “clarke has gone back to camp jaha, but she will return soon.” she initially wanted to say ‘tomorrow’ but that’s too soon and too sure, and she doesn’t want to make a promise she knows she can’t keep, not to this adorable little child who is searching her eyes, pouting.

“soon,” she hears the child echo, “soon, mama.”

but that in itself is a promise, and lexa wishes, wishes, wishes, that everything goes to plan.

.

everything does not go according to plan.

tarryn was called back to her brother’s village, and she hastily left just as they were eating, promising to be back the next morning, kissing both dany and lexa’s foreheads before following one of lexa’s guards towards the stables. which means lexa is left with dany, she is left with full responsibility with this child, until clarke or her mother comes back. and it sort of terrifies her, because she can mess up, and that is something she does not want to happen.

lexa tries to incorporate their usual routine, even with clarke away. so she decides, as she eyes the sticky fruit jam on dany's cheeks, chin and fingers, that a bath is due. and it's late in the afternoon and the sun is going to set in about two hours, creating mixed hues of orange in the sky, and the child gets jam in her hair and more jam on her clothes as lexa announces, "come, goufa, bath time."

dany has not had a bath without clarke, and lexa knows this, and she has a feeling that dany will be extra difficult today.

(the child is energetic, and something about bath time sets her off in an indefinite amount of excitement, which means her stubbornness increases by a tenfold and ability to listen and understand the phrase, "goufa, do not splash water everywhere," disappears completely, no matter how many times her mama repeats it.)

and as a soaked lexa wraps a towel around the babbling child, she catches sight of herself in the mirror and concludes: that did not go to plan.

.

several other things don't work in lexa's favour later that night. she doesn't remember dressing dany to be a stressful affair, but then again, she has never done it without clarke.

she places the child on the bed and dany begins to bounce around almost immediately, as lexa gathers her clothes from the dresser.

"mama, mama!" the child giggles as she kicks the pillows and blankets off the bed one by one.

lexa groans, dany's pyjamas in her hands, "come here," she approaches the bed and gestures for the child to get closer to her.

unfortunately for lexa, dany has other ideas. she squeals out, "no!" before climbing down from the bed and toddling quickly past lexa, towards the door, with a white fluffy towel wrapped over her shoulders. lexa drops the clothes in her hands and frantically scrambles after dany, and the commander catches her just before she can reach the stairs.

dany is giggling in her arms, and lexa sighs out in relief, before kissing her temple. "em pleni, strikon," lexa says as she returns to the bedroom, "enough, little one." she sets dany on the bed again and kisses the tip of her nose, which earns her a toothy grin. "time to get dressed."

(it takes nearly half an hour but lexa ends up triumphant, and she gets the child to calm down and tell her a story about anya as she brushes dany's hair.)

lexa lets her play for a little bit as she cleans up the mess that they made in the bathroom, and she listens to dany's random singing as she mops up the puddles around the bath. when she finishes, lexa emerges from the bathroom only to find out that dany has managed to get her hands on clarke's charcoals and chalks. there are coloured powdery stains on her hands and wrists, and when the child looks up, she grins up at her mama proudly and moves away her hair from her face, which causes her to smear chalk on her cheek.

"mama," dany reaches out for the dumbfounded commander who is currently wondering whether she is going to have to give the child another stress-inducing bath. "mama, look."

lexa eyes the jars of paint that are sitting right next to dany, and she is suddenly filled with relief that those were left alone in favour of the chalks clutched in the child's hands. she moves quickly, taking the jars in her hands and placing them on top of the dresser, where dany will never be able to reach them and she hears the child whine slightly.

"mamaaaa," dany groans impatiently, "look!" and she is pointing on the piece of paper in front of her, where an image of indecipherable lines and shapes of different coloured chalk has been drawn and smudged by the child's hands.

lexa crouches down and kisses her head, "well done, strikon," she praises with a smile. the child lets out a squeal of laughter and continues on with her drawing, and she listens to her mama mumble proudly, "you take after your mother."

.

the chalk on dany's skin get wiped off with a warm wet cloth, and her jovial mood is replaced with her usual bedtime grumpiness as the night wears on.

and as lexa settles the child in her arms and begins rocking her to sleep, dany tugs at her shirt and mutters tiredly, "mama clarke." lexa only shushes her gently and tucks her hair behind her ear. dany begins to whine, both in exhaustion and confusion because where is her mama clarke, her shila?

"now, now, goufa, it is time for sleep," the commander whispers but dany does not silence her whimpers. "clarke is going to come back soon, she's coming back." eventually, the child's exhaustion wins and lexa watches her fall asleep, from the way her eyes flutter, to the soft snores that escape her lips, to the way dany's grip on her shirt slackens and her hand falls to her side.

lexa can't bring herself to be apart from this child that managed to become a little piece of clarke griffin, so she lays her down on the bed and she allows herself to curl up around the child.

.

meanwhile, guards behind an electric fence begin shouting frantically at the sight of hooded grounders riding on top of horses, approaching camp jaha, just as the sun is beginning to hide and trickle the last of its light through the tall trees.

clarke pulls on the reins and strokes the horse before dismounting, leaving her hood on. she signals for two of the four guards to come with her, and they quickly dismount their horses to flank her, as they proceed towards the gates of camp jaha.

(one of them, mikal, is the actual messenger but they all know clarke is the one who is going to be doing all the talking, and the other, who happens to be tren, has been ordered by his heda to stay near clarke at all times, as her protection.)

"don't come any closer!" she hears one of the guards yell out from inside the gates. clarke stops immediately, flashbacks of being shot and dragged into this very camp unexpectedly assault her mind, and she raises both of her hands.

she pulls the hood off of her head to reveal braided blonde hair and her face, and she yells back, "it's me, clarke griffin!"

and suddenly there's a commotion inside, and she hears her name being called out a few times by different voices as she watches the gates pulled open by armed guards, regarding her with narrowed eyes. she's taking slower steps towards the camp now, and past it, she can see raven's grinning face, along with bellamy and a few of her other friends.

as they begin crossing the gates though, one guard raises his gun and points it at tren, "stay right there--"

"put that gun away," clarke demands, stepping right in front of tren. the guard blinks in surprise but doesn't obey, and it isn't until--

"what the hell are you doing, pointing a gun at my daughter? put it down!" a voice cries out. it's abby, who is pushing past the forming crowd. she stares in disbelief at the daughter she thought she lost almost five months ago. "clarke?"

"mom," clarke says, smiling tearfully. "it's me, mom."

there are tears of joy streaming down abby's cheeks as she pulls clarke into a bone-crushing hug. "you're alive, you're alive," she repeats, as if it was a 'thank you' to some higher power. abby pulls back and takes clarke's face in both of her hands, "you're safe, clarke," she murmurs as she kisses her head.

("you're safe, clarke," she used to say, when clarke was eight and would call out for her in the dark, her blue eyes bleary and tired. "it was just a bad dream," abby would say to reassure her, as she kissed her forehead and stroked her cheek.

she wishes she could say the same thing about the monsters she thinks are in clarke's head now.)

abby finally releases clarke to let her hug her friends, bellamy and raven are the first ones to wrap their arms around her.

"welcome back, princess," bellamy mutters with a grin, his strong arms squeezing her.

raven chuckles, "about time, clarke," as she pats the blonde's back.

soon they're replaced by monty and jasper, and a few other survivors of the mountain.

(and it's refreshing, to be able to look them in the eyes and smile, and realise that she has missed them so much. it's not suffocating anymore, their faces don't claw at the insides of her brain and remind her of her dark deeds.)

miller is one of the last to hug her, and he asks, "god, clarke, where have you been?" she doesn't answer, but it reminds her of her true purpose here in camp jaha.

clarke steels herself and takes a deep breath, she turns to her mother and eyes the chancellor's pin on her shirt, and she holds her chin high as she declares, "i have important matters to discuss with your council, chancellor, on behalf of the commander." her voice is strong and authoritative, and it hushes the murmuring crowd around her, but only for a moment.

the buzz around her gets louder at the mention of the commander, "that traitor," clarke hears from the crowd but she says nothing.

abby realizes that their emotional moment is gone, suddenly replaced with the call of duty. her mouth falls open as she tries to rationally think of what the commander could want from them. (she tries to rationally think why the hell clarke would speak on her behalf.)

her daughter is waiting for an answer and the people around them are getting louder by the second, but they fall silent when she asks, "is it urgent? are they declaring war on us?" and she fails to hide the growing panic that's building in her chest, at the thought of another war, another fight for their survival.

clarke shakes her head in reply, "it is urgent, but no, it is a matter of trade and your survival from the approaching winter, and it's a discussion we should have inside."

abby nods, and turns to raven, "radio in the council members," she orders. within the next few moments, abby is leading clarke and the two guards behind her inside of the alpha station, and into the room where they hold the council meetings.

the room is filled with the key members of the council, clarke gives kane a gentle quirk of her lips and a nod, and he returns it with a wink. among the council, she sees miller's dad, david, the chief guard, and two of whom clarke is not familiar with. she doesn't fail to notice how bellamy, raven, monty, octavia and lincoln also follow, as if they have been called into council meetings before, but clarke decides now isn't the time to question it. they all nod at her, raven throwing her an encouraging smile, and clarke looks around.

"the heda," she announces and she sees the curious looks that octavia and lincoln exchange at her use of the trigedasleng word, "would like to invite you to the capitol, to meet with generals and chiefs of the twelve clans who are willing to trade, to ensure your survival for this winter, and many others." there are worried glances being thrown between the council and clarke is quick to reassure them, "lexa does not mean you any harm, if anything, it's the opposite. she wants the people of camp jaha to survive this winter."

abby narrows her eyes, "clarke, she betrayed us, she betrayed you. she pushed you to do those things in the mountain."

(clarke realizes that her mother must think that she's still sensitive to the subject, clarke realizes that her mother does not know how much she has healed.)

clarke replies with, "it needed to be done. if i didn't kill them, then our people would be dead. if the mountain men lived, they would have hunted as all down, killed us, sent a missile to destroy camp jaha. they did it to tondc, who says they wouldn't have done the same for us, to eliminate us? our people are safe, because of our actions. that's all that matters." she thunders through her speech, garnering impressed stares from kane and some other members of the council, and she catches the proud grin that raven and bellamy throw her way.

and clarke has this steely look in her eyes that remind them a little bit of lexa, she continues, "the commander is offering an olive branch, to ensure you all live through this winter, and many more. it's important to forge alliances with clans that can provide goods that you can't make ourselves. we are on the ground now. it's different here."

there's silence in the room, and clarke gulps as her mother stares at her with a hint of pride in her eyes, but then abby says, "the council will need some to discuss these matters in private."

and for some reason that infuriates clarke, she narrows her eyes and barely conceals her scoff, "winter is coming, chancellor griffin. there is no time."

(it infuriates her because lexa made her think that she was in charge, that she can lead her people again. it infuriates clarke because she needs to challenge her mother for power again, just like she did before the mountain fell.)

abby's eyes widen a bit at her daughter's sudden change in tone, "we need time to decide whether we can trust th--"

clarke interjects, "you don't have time, and that's why i'm here. i'm telling you that we can trust them."

kane crosses his arms over his chest, and he chimes in, "clarke, with all due respect, you have been gone for months."

and it finally dawns on clarke: she's dressed like a grounder, her hair is in an intricate braid and there is a knife strapped to her side as well as her gun. she rode on a horse flanked by guards, grounder guards.

she looks more like clarke griffin kom trigedakru than kom skaikru.

(for the love of-- she looks more of a grounder than lincoln.)

"you don't trust me." she simply states.

abby shakes her head slightly, "clarke, it's the commander we don't trust. she betrayed us in the last alliance we had with them, and now you expect us to walk into this one as if that never happened?"

clarke takes a deep breath before she speaks, "this is a different alliance, there's no more war. if lexa wanted you dead, she wouldn't be doing this, she'd let you die in the winter. the technology the ark and the mountain have can only do so much." she looks at each of the people present before her, and she asks, "what will happen when the animals start going into hibernation? when there aren't enough fruits to forage when the snow falls?" and clarke's eyes finally land on her mother, "what happens, chancellor, when your people begin to starve?"

clarke notices her mother gulp, and for a moment, she thinks she has won, but abby replies, "mount weather managed to be self-sufficient for the last ninety-seven years, clarke. i think we can figure something out."

the blonde nearly growls out, "the mountain only had three hundred people, that's how they managed to support themselves. camp jaha holds nearly twice as much in population, you will still starve."

"the council will take time to make a decision," abby repeats, signifying that this discussion is over.

clarke only manages to bite her tongue when tren places his hand on her shoulder and squeezes slightly, and she looks at him and she swears for a moment, it was her dad standing behind her. she turns to the council again and jerks her head in a nod, before walking out of the room and out of the alpha station, tren and mikal following closely behind.

behind them, bellamy, raven, octavia and lincoln are trailing behind, and clarke hears bellamy exclaim, "you're not leaving, clarke! you just got here!" abby hears this and follows too; she will not let her daughter out of her sight again.

when they've managed to catch up, they hear clarke say, "i'm not leaving, calm down," but she walks straight towards the gate and out of it, past the armed guards and the curious sky people watching them. she stands before the guards that accompanied her, mikal, pol, appa and tren, and she instructs them to set up camp north of camp jaha. she almost groans, "we're going to be here for a while."

abby stands, just outside the gate, and then she pushes past the small group and towards clarke. her heart hammering in her chest, afraid her daughter will be gone again, and she demands, "clarke, as your mother, i forbid you to leave this camp. you are one of us, you're not a grounder."

clarke turns around and glares at her mother, crosses her arms over her chest and looks every bit like the rebellious child she never was back in the ark station. "you may be satisfied with treating me like a child, but i am not. i have been through so much since i have landed on earth. and i may have left you all, but that was for the sake of my own sanity, mom. i was hurting, i was grieving, because i had to kill people to save my friends, to do what's right for my people, our people." she realizes that she has started crying, and she wipes the tears off her cheeks, she sighs, almost sounding defeated. "you really want to know why i want you to agree to this alliance? because i am scared, mom. i'm scared that all i have done, all we have done, will be for nothing when you piss off our neighbouring clans and start another war. and yeah, you'll probably win since you have weapons from mount weather, but there is no war where people do not die. you of all people know that, mom."

flashes of the bombing of tondc appear in her mind, and clarke shakes her head disapprovingly when her mother only says, "the council hasn't voted on a decision yet."

.

that night, clarke eats and drinks with her friends around a fire, just like they used to do back at the dropship and she finds out about what has been going on while she was gone: kane and abby have been taking charge together, with kane's militaristic yet sympathetic ways complimenting abby's strict yet righteous ruling. they often take advice from lincoln and bellamy, while monty and raven have been their key members for their abilities and skills.

(clarke's chest is bursting with pride, at her friends and how much they've been through, how much they've survived without her help. and she laughs a little and offers jasper a sincere thanks when he passes her a bottle of moonshine.

"made it myself," jasper says with his signature grin, and clarke eyes the goggles around the top of his head.

nothing is the same between them, not after maya, and clarke sees that in his eyes, but for tonight, they're both willing to pretend that they're drinking for old time's sake.)

"we've had a mini rebellion while you were gone; we didn't accept your mom and kane as our leaders and we left. we stayed in the dropship for a few days, and eventually they've had to agree that they don't know as much as us about the ground," bellamy explains to her as she takes a swig of jasper's concoction.

raven who is perched on the log across from clarke pipes up, "your mom can be hard ass sometimes."

the blonde throws her head back and laughs, "you have no idea," and she can feel the effects of the moonshine in her body already, and clarke knows that her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are glassy. "how did that little rebellion end?"

miller flashes his white teeth at her and answers, "we managed to compromise with the council since they did send us here like lab rats. they put bellamy, octavia, lincoln and raven in the council."

"we give them advice sometimes, mostly about terrain and hunting," bellamy adds, before taking a bite out of his apple.

monty, who has been listening intently through most of this conversation, finally speaks, "you're not going to leave again, are you?"

(clarke wants to help them, they are her friends, her people, but her heart is torn and she longs for the life she has lived in polis. the quiet, peaceful happiness that she created with lexa and dany, and she knows she cannot be apart from them.)

clarke looks down and nods once, "i'll think about it," she murmurs.

harper asks, "where have you been anyway?"

"well, at first i roamed the woods. then i ended up in polis, the capitol."

it's monroe who inquires, "how'd you get there?"

"lexa took me."

"lexa? as in the commander of the grounders?"

"the one and only," clarke chuckles.

harper's jaw falls open slightly, and she asks, "you trusted her? after everything that happened in the mountain? you trust her after she left all of us to die?"

clarke stares at the crackling fire that they're sitting around and she nods and looks harper in the eyes. "yes, i trust her. she did it for her people, she didn't have a choice--"

"yes, she did, clarke," the voice comes behind clarke and it's abby, who has been listening in their conversation. "the commander had a choice, and she left us with none, she left you with no choice."

clarke is already tired of this conversation and she sighs. "mom, she chose her people over us. her. people. i don't fault her for that. if the situation had been reversed, you would have done what lexa did."

there's a look of disbelief that appears on abby's face as she exclaims, "you're excusing her betrayal?"

clarke shakes her head, "no, i am trying to make you understand why lexa had to do that. it wasn't easy for her, you know."

an uneasy silence settles around them, as they try to process all of what has been said.

naturally, not one for awkward silences, raven blurts out, "what have you been doing in polis?"

two pairs of green eyes flashes in clarke's memory and she smiles, and she can almost hear dany's giggles. "playing in the beach, exploring trade stands, baking," she shrugs as she replies.

and then various voices are speaking on top of each other.

"baking?"

"beach?"

"what the hell is a trade stand?"

clarke lets out a breath of laughter as she sees their curious expressions. she decides to answer raven's question, "i learned how to bake, lexa's mom has been giving me lessons."

it's a little hard to believe, and raven's jaw falls slightly, "lexa has a mom?" she can barely imagine the stoic, ruthless commander smile, let alone have other intense human emotions that people have around their mom.

"she has a family, yeah," clarke replies faintly, and she remembers the last thing she drew: an image of a sleepy dany cuddled up to lexa on one of the couches in the main room, painted on the beach as she listened to the child's excited squeals.

(the word echoes in her mind. family. her family.)

"is the beach like how it was drawn on the books in school, in earth skills?" monty asks excitedly.

clarke nods, his enthusiasm is contagious. "yeah, just like in earth skills." and then, she glances at her mom, an idea suddenly popping into her head, and she blurts out, "you know, if the council agrees to this alliance, you guys can come to polis with me and see it for yourselves before the weather gets colder."

and that immediately sets off a buzz of conversation within the group, excited plans of adventure and fun in the capitol, and one of the delinquents yell out, "chancellor, let us join this alliance please!" and suddenly everyone is calling out to abby, and soon there's a chant echoing among the sky people: "ah-la-yans! ah-la-yans!"

clarke smirks, feeling victorious, and catches her mom's small smile as she shushes her people.

(later, when she has consumed a bit more moonshine and a very drunk and sleepy raven cuddles up next to her, she mumbles tiredly, "night, lexa. sweet dreams, dany.")

Chapter Text

the stars lean down to kiss you / and i lie awake and miss you / pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere / cause i'll doze off safe and soundly / but i'll miss your arms around me - vanilla twilight, owl city.

.

clarke wakes up to raven groaning early the next morning, and muttering about the strong moonshine finally leaving its unfavoured effects and her plans to kill jasper, and the blonde chuckles sleepily before burrowing underneath the blanket.

"it's not fucking funny," raven mumbles and she hears clarke laugh again. "i've just realized that i don't like you when i'm hungover," raven waits for a reply but she's only met with even breaths, so she slaps her hand down on clarke's thigh, "rise and shine, princess."

she jostles clarke a little, and she expects a, 'go away, raven,' or 'five more minutes, mom,' but instead she receives a sleepy mumbled reply of,  "too early, dany."

"who's dany?"

clarke's head peeks out of the blanket and she wipes at her eyes, "what?"

raven repeats her question, her eyes narrowing, "who's dany?"

but she doesn't receive an answer because bellamy pops his head into the tent and inquires, "we're going to go for a walk around the camp, wanna come?"

clarke sits up and yawns, "yeah, i'll be out in a minute," and she needs to go check on tren and the rest of the guards and horses to see if they're still there, and she follows bellamy and a few others out of the gates, but not before leaving a hungover raven with, "try not to kill wick."

clarke is a few steps away when she hears, "hey clarke, convince your mom about this alliance. i wanna see the beach!"

.

dany's eyes flutter open and she lets out a little yawn as she pushes the heavy arm thrown over her small body. instead of blonde hair that almost glow in the trickling morning sunshine, she sees lexa's mess of curls on the pillow next to her.

the child frowns and looks around the room, half expecting clarke to emerge from either the bathroom door or the door that leads to the hallway. "mama?"

lexa stirs beside her, and whispers, "she's not here yet."

dany lays back down and holds lexa's long fingers in her tiny ones. "i want mama," she lets out a disgruntled noise, not pleased with the lack of clarke griffin at all.

lexa sighs, "i miss clarke too, strikon."

.

breakfast is a quiet affair with only the two of them, and halfway through, one of her guards walk in and inform her that tarryn is on her way back from her brother's village.

"good," lexa replies and dismisses the guard, and the child tugs at her clothes and lexa looks down at her curious eyes. “ai nomon ste komba raun, goufa,” she tells the child, “my mother is arriving soon.”

dany’s eyes widen and brighten up suddenly, and she jumps in her seat, “mama?”

the commander takes her soft cheeks in her hands and kisses her forehead, “not clarke. my nomon, tarryn.” the child frowns at this, lets out a grunt, and returns to her food. lexa watches her spill her breakfast over her bowl and on herself, and winces slightly as she realizes she has to endure giving this child a bath by herself again.

(a few things are clear in lexa’s mind now: it’s an enormous task, raising the child, and for some reason, she is constantly hoping she doesn’t mess up. and she finds it ironic that this little human who somehow has her eyes makes her world grow brighter and makes her heart beat faster, than leading a thousand men to take down a century old threat to her people.

dany reminds lexa of clarke, and she recalls what she once said to her when clarke was still doubting herself, when the scars in her heart were still raw and open, “you are her mother now.”  lexa thinks dany took it upon herself to announce to the whole world, “i am her child now,” ever since she ended up in clarke’s arms.

and somehow, by a twist of fate, lexa got tangled in their world, and she doesn’t ever want to be torn from it.

one thing is clear in lexa’s mind now: she does not want to live in a world without this energetic, stubborn child that calls her mama, and she does not want to live in a world without the girl who fell from the sky and stole her heart.)

.

lexa takes dany on the familiar path that leads to the gates of the capitol, and the sun is hiding behind the clouds and there’s a biting chill in the air, it reminds her that she needs to take dany to get fitted for a new coat before they go home.

the child is clutching her hand and she leads her through the crowds, her little legs taking a few unsteady steps on the uneven cobblestone path, and her mama has to remind her to slow down a few times.

'why slow down when there’s a chance that they could be seeing clarke soon?' she thinks and tugs at lexa’s hand as she looks back at the commander she dressed in her light armour with the dark long cape draped over her shoulders, and for some reason it excites dany because she knows she gets to play hide and seek in that cape later.

(or that game that lexa hates, where dany sits herself on the end of the cape and tugs on it, repeating, “mama, mama,” excitedly. she won’t stop until lexa walks and drags the cape on the ground with the child on it, chuckling as she listens to her giggle. she internally groans when she remembers it was clarke who first introduced that child to that silly, silly game.

“my cape is not for pulling around a child, clarke,” she had once said but the blonde ignored her.

clarke only laughed, and that was the first time lexa had noticed the dimples on her cheeks. “she’s waiting, lexa.”

“mama, mama, go!”)

they stop in front of the gates, and to their right, a group of children are playing with various balls, kicking around and throwing, and lexa spots theo, who hasn’t noticed dany’s presence yet. dany, however, does not care for the boy with the affinity for starfish when they first met, and only stares straight ahead at the large, closed gates of polis.

lexa crouches down, “it is tarryn who is arriving, not clarke yet,” she reminds the child. she doesn’t want to go home again while dany is bawling her eyes out, shrieking.

there’s a frown on her face but dany nods, “not mama,” and returns to waiting for the gates to open. she turns to look at lexa from time to time, taking comfort in the fact that she hasn’t magically disappeared. she eyes the people that approach lexa curiously, and dany tilts her head when they greet and speak with her.

“heda,” she hears and she watches a limping old man comes closer to lexa, before bowing his head reverently. he speaks in trigedasleng, and there’s too many words that she’s not familiar with and they make no sense to her, so dany only shrugs and looks at the gate again.

the gate, which is currently being opened by the stationed guards.

“mama!” dany squeals excitedly and she catches lexa’s smile when she turns back and points.

a small group of hunters with deers and smaller animals on their shoulders enter, followed by tarryn who is riding on a horse. she dismounts and hands the horse to one of the guards and approaches dany and lexa, smiling broadly.

“hei, strikon,” she greets as she bends down and leaves kisses on her face, and the child accepts them happily. “hi, little one.”

tarryn greets lexa with a hug, and a kiss on her temple. she pulls back and lexa asks, “how are arden’s twins, nomon?”

"they are perfect, oh," her mother replies, a delighted grin appearing on her face. "they have opened their eyes, they look like yu bro's eyes, green and bright." she looks down at dany, "you must meet your cousins soon!"

and lexa chuckles nervously, at tarryn practically announcing to the whole city that this child is hers, glancing around the people around them. this is the first time dany has been acknowledged as hers in public, before, she was always clarke's.

the old man who had greeted her earlier, fiyero, he inquires, "ah, disha strikon laik goufa kom heda?" he doesn't seem shocked, his expression is pure and he seems delighted to meet the child, "ah, this little one is the child of the commander?" he's one of the few people that have noticed this child leading the heda and the skai prisa around the capitol.

it is dany, who answers for tarryn and lexa. she pulls on the commander's sash, "mama," she cries out, and lexa looks down at the excited on the child's face. "mama, play!" she's pointing at theo, who is standing a few feet before them with a tattered ball in his hands.

lexa nods her head in reply and she watches dany dash towards the boy, and his face is covered in dirt and he offers the ball to dany.

"kick," he tells her as he demonstrates with his own foot. dany drops the ball on the ground and mimics him, and she squeals excitedly when the ball rolls away from them and they begin chasing it.

tarryn chuckles, she turns to fiyero, "something like that."

lexa's heart nearly jumps out of her chest when fiyero nods and places his hand on her shoulder. "oshou, heda," he grins. "congratulations, commander."

.

(adoption isn't an issue with trigedakru, or with any clan on the ground actually. it isn't uncommon for parents to die in battle or in raids, just like dany's family, so adoption is enforced to ensure there would not be a massive influx of orphaned children after every battle and every raid.

but in lexa's mind, it is a problem, once her people finally realize that this child is hers, as well as clarke's. hodnes laik kwelnes, love is weakness. dany is a target, for both clarke and lexa, and the thought of anyone thinking of harming the child sends the feeling a cold knife plunging into the commander's heart.)

.

(but the thing is, the child was already a target before she was even born. lexa knows this too, that's why she has tried to push dany towards clarke, that's why she had hesitated at the start, she didn’t want to get attached, but she knew it was a losing battle. even the usually stoic commander couldn’t resist falling in love with the adorable dany.

it doesn’t help that the seer predicted the ice queen's death at the hands of this child, which means there will be another war, which means there will be blood on this child’s hands. when that will happen, lexa has no idea, but sometimes she finds herself shaking when she remembers the prophecy built around this oblivious, innocent child.

clarke had whispered to her in the dark a few nights ago, her arm wrapped around lexa’s torso. “i wish it wasn’t real,” her quiet voice was laced with the same fear lexa was familiar with. “i don’t want this for her.”

but it is real, clarke is the living proof of the seer's valid predictions. they could not deny that, they cannot hide from it.

“neither do i, clarke,” lexa had replied before kissing clarke’s head. she promises, “we will keep her safe.”)

.

clarke gets called before the council when the sun is high in the sky, and when she gets to the council room, they're already standing around the table, waiting for her.

kane asks, "are you sure we can trust the commander?"

"yes," clarke nods, "she wouldn't include us in this new alliance if we can't trust her. and if any of you still have doubts, then i can assure you that it was lexa's idea first, i didn't convince her."

the council members nod and abby declares, "the council has made a decision to trust you, clarke, and by extension, trust the commander about this new alliance." she sighs and clarke gets the feeling that abby didn't vote for this on her own volition. "when do we leave for polis?"

clarke replies, "it takes half a day to ride to the capitol, it would be best for us to leave as soon as possible. bring no more than ten people." she says her thanks to the council, the victorious feeling spreading in her chest, as well as that relief of seeing dany and lexa again soon. the council talks amongst themselves about who should come along to polis, and it is decided that bellamy, octavia and lincoln will join abby and kane, as well as another guard.

kane nods at her, "we can leave tomorrow, at sunrise, if that suits your guards," he refers to the grounders following clarke around and taking nobody's orders but hers.

she agrees and as clarke turns to leave, she stops and says, "you should bring raven, so you can establish radio contact while you're gone."

.

clarke is sitting on the grass, enjoying the setting sun, and its hues of colours as it begins its descent, after spending most of it checking on the different components and departments of camp jaha. she's proud of how far they've come, from the atmosphere to the earth, and she wishes that nobody had to die to achieve this peace and safety that she's currently basking in.

there's an unfinished sketch of dany next to her, just lacking a few minor details and some shading, and she's just outside the gates of the camp, away from the commotion and routine that she has no part of inside.

(bellamy had walked past her earlier smirking, "lounging around like a true princess," he had remarked before waving goodbye as he went off to go on a short hunt with lincoln, miller and monroe.)

clarke has her eyes closed, but her ears open, and she does not jump when she hears another body approach her and settle down next to her.

she thinks maybe it's raven who has hopefully recovered from her hungover state, seeing as jasper is happily playing a game of 'catch this fruit in your mouth, ready?' with monty inside, not sporting mild trauma from being yelled at by the young mechanic.

but when she looks at her new companion, she's a little bit surprised to see when it is octavia, with her jacket discarded in front of her. there are still faint smudges of warpaint on her face, and clarke thinks maybe this is her usual thing now, even if there is no war.

"hey," octavia greets casually, making herself comfortable on the grass. clarke returns the greeting with a nod.

(their friendship is strained after the missile hitting tondc, but octavia doesn't even know how clarke had saved her life from lexa's assassin, and she sees no point in mentioning it now.)

octavia nods at the sketchpad laying forgotten next to the blonde, "who's that?" it's an unfamiliar face, and it takes a while for her to register that it's of a little girl, no older than four.

"this is, uh," clarke stammers, taking the sketchpad in her hands. "her name is dany, you saw her when we ran into you near tondc before, remember?"

"the kid that was holding on to the commander?" she asks curiously, tilting her head. she watches clarke nod and close up the sketchbook, placing it behind her as if it held secrets to the universe.

"that's the one," the blonde replies.

octavia nods, feeling the brush of a soft breeze come from behind them. "who is she anyway?"

(would octavia want to know, how clarke has practically been playing house with her least favourite person in the world? how she has been caring and been cared for, in the capitol, while they are left here, abandoned by the one who saved them from the mountain?)

the word selfish flashes in clarke's mind as she blurts out, "my daughter, sort of." she watches octavia’s jaw fall open and her eyes widen, and half of her wants to take it back, to offer some flimsy excuse, but really, what is dany to her anyway?

(her daughter. there’s no other way to explain it. dany is her daughter, dany calls her mama and clarke regards the child as if she was the one who carried her through pregnancy and gave birth to her. dany is clarke's daughter, there is no other word for who she is in clarke's life.

lexa’s words echo in her mind, “you are her true mother now.”)

“you have a..” her voice trails off, and she’s still frozen, and clarke should probably elaborate now before a full-fledged freak out occurs.

clarke tells her, “she’s adopted, obviously.”

octavia’s head jerks in a nod, “of course,” and her eyebrows raise as if to say ‘carry on’.

the blonde tilts her head, trying to form her words and sentences in her mind. “i saved her, when her village was attacked. lexa and i were supposed to leave her in the orphanage in polis, but..” clarke pauses, watching octavia’s face and trying to gauge her reaction but she is listening with the same surprised expression. “she-- we-- i couldn’t leave her. she helped me get better, emotionally and mentally.”

at that, octavia furrows her eyebrows and asks, “the commander or the kid?”

clarke blurts out before she can even think about it, “both of them.”

octavia blinks at the clarification, and then she nods. she mulls over what she has discovered as she watches clarke pick off the grass in front of her. “are you happy?” she asks after a while.

“yeah,” clarke replies sincerely. “i didn’t think i’d get better after what happened, but i did.”

octavia nods, before climbing up on her feet. clarke thinks that’s the end of the conversation, but she’s being pulled up by her jacket and into octavia’s arms. she returns the hug after her surprise passes and she hears octavia murmur.

“i’m glad you’re happy, clarke.”

(their friendship will need time to mend, as all things to do, but this is the start. clarke realizes that her heart and soul healing is contagious, and it is spreading to everyone around her.)

she mutters back, “i’m just glad you guys are safe.”

and as octavia pulls back, she smiles, and clarke can’t remember how long this feeling of lightness around the younger blake has been gone. “it’s all thanks to you, you know. you sacrificed a lot.”

“but you were right, my loyalty--”

octavia interjects, shaking her head, “hey, i know what i said. and at that time, i meant it.” she shrugs before she continues, “but now, i look around me and everyone i care about is here, and they’re safe and happy. and you are loyal to your people clarke, look at you, you are here right now.”

you are here for us. you did not abandon us, you came back.

clarke nods, and she lets herself smile, and octavia picks up the sketchbook and begins flipping through it, finding more sketches of dany and some of lexa.

“will you tell me about her, the kid? what’s she like?” octavia requests, her eyes landing on a particular sketch of a sleeping dany, clarke’s talented creativity with charcoal capturing her signature pout and the perfect bliss on her face. “oh damn, she’s cute.”

the blonde chuckles, “you have no idea.”

.

(it occurs to clarke that the people accompanying her back to the capitol should probably know about dany at least, so they are not taken by surprise by the existence of this child when they arrive.)

.

it's the afternoon and the heda spends most of the day watching dany play with other children, and speaking with her admiring people. for an autumn day, the weather is mild and favourable, though the occasional wind makes the hair on the back of her neck stand, there are guards on patrol, surrounding the capitol walls and there are more guards doing patrol inside the city itself, and things seem to be going great so far, for lexa.

(the events that transpire later on this day will forever be ingrained in lexa's memory, fondly recalled in a few weeks time as she and clarke talk of dany's younger shenanigans.)

and then, the fondly dubbed 'starfish boy incident' happens.

it starts out like this:

there's a ball and there's a boy, theo, and then there's dany who is turning two in a week, lacking the concept of sharing and playing well with others. (which is slightly understandable for her. she hasn't been exposed to other children as much as clarke has hoped for the last four months, so her people skills only consist of looking adorable to get what she wants, and are only applicable to adults, especially clarke and lexa.)

they're still playing with the tattered ball theo offered, kicking it around and chasing it. from where lexa is standing, she can see the two little bodies squealing excitedly as they try to outrun each other towards the ball. theo has the advantage, being two years older than dany and steadier on his feet, but the child is competitive and does not let herself fall too many times. when she does stumble over her own feet, she gets back up immediately, not noticing lexa's worried eyes that are tracking her like a hawk.

lexa is standing just a few yards away from them, she is surrounded by her people, asking about the mountain, about the coalition and the alliance, and a few even ask about clarke.

so it comes with no surprise that when she takes her eyes off her daughter for literally three seconds to answer a question asked by one of fiyero's sons, she hears a familiar voice crying out loud. what surprises her though, is that it is not dany who is crying, it is theo.

she excuses herself and approaches the crying boy on the ground, clutching his leg, and dany who is standing before him, the tattered ball in her hands.

"what happened?" lexa asks, kneeling before theo to examine his leg. there are few light scratches on his skin, but nothing that could indicate what has caused his pain. she looks at dany thinking maybe she could come up with an answer, but she only sees the child glaring down at the boy as intensely as a toddler her age could.

"she kicked me!" theo exclaims, and they've gathered a small group of children as an audience. lexa pays them no mind.

then dany turns to her, her green eyes flashing with guilt and she drops the ball from her hands. "ain, mama," she tells lexa, as she picks up the ball again. "mine, mama."

"it was his ball remember?" the commander shakes her head as she stands to help theo back up on his feet. he limps a bit, but after a few moments, the pain subsides and he wipes his tears away. "give it back, strikon, you were only sharing with him."

dany's bottom lip sticks out in a pout at her mama, but lexa does not budge and she grunts. she looks at the boy, "hir," dany growls, "here," before tossing the ball at theo's head as hard as she can.

it hits him square in the face with a loud smack .

theo wails loudly as the ball rolls away from them, and one of the older kids from their small audience steps up. "i can take him, heda," he says, his english accent stiff as though the words are unfamiliar on his tongue. lexa nods gratefully as the boy takes a crying theo in his arms and away from the scene, before turning to dany.

"that is not the way, goufa," lexa chastises her, and the child's eyes widen. the commander crouches down so she's at eye-level to the child. "we do not hit other people in the face with balls. it is not.. nice."

(lexa has no idea what to say if she's being honest. sure, she can come up with inspiring speeches hours before a war, stirring the emotions of her warriors, and she can articulate plans of an attack as if she has been doing so for a hundred years.

but this is her child, clarke's child, and it is a little bit difficult to come up with words that won't hurt her entirely but still let her know that what she did was not right.)

the child is quiet as she is being taken into lexa's arms, but she whimpers as lexa begins to walk away from the gates. "mama," she mutters, her little chest heavy with guilt. "mama, sorry."

that causes lexa to pause, as she wonders how the child knows the word, before kissing her forehead, "you are forgiven, strikon, but you must not do it again."

dany nods, her pout still in place. she nuzzles lexa's cheek as she walks an unfamiliar path, before leaving a sloppy kiss on her mama's cheek.

(and lexa wishes, that clarke was here to witness all of this. her storytelling will not do it justice, the way this child became too competitive and decided to give the boy his ball back, growling with ferocity of a wolf, and the way she became gentle when told it was bad, muttering her apology, with her tail tucked between her legs.

their child is learning, growing, and lexa wishes that clarke sorts out the issues involving the sky people soon, and returns to her family.)

.

clarke decides that her best course of action is to tell raven, before she tells her mother, that way octavia and raven can back her up in case abby reacts… disapprovingly.

(it’s not like either of abby or clarke can do anything anyway, dany and lexa are a part of her now, and clarke can’t imagine her mother how her mother would react, so the nerves in her chest are justified.)

octavia kicks wick and monty out of the room, leaving clarke and her alone with raven, who is focused on tinkering with a large radio, which will hopefully establish contact with the other ark stations that landed on the ground.

“what’s with the visit?” raven inquires, not bothering to look at octavia who has made herself comfortable in the newly installed seating in their mecha station.

clarke remains standing and she takes a deep breath before she announces, “i have a daughter.”

raven freezes, and the screwdriver in her hand falls and clanks loudly on the metal floor. she turns around, readjusting her brace and her eyes fall on clarke’s covered stomach. “you’re pregnant?”

that was not the reaction she was expecting, clarke blurts out, confused, “what?” octavia does not even try to stop the laughter that bubbles up in her throat, and she can’t bring herself to calm down. “wha-- no, i am not pregnant!”

“well then, what do you mean?”

clarke can’t help but smile, octavia’s infectious laughter affecting her. “i have a daughter that i sort of adopted?” she tries again, and raven narrows her eyes.

“you.. adopted a kid?”

clarke hesitates, “yes?” raven blinks, and she listens to the sounds of octavia breathing in deeply, slowly calming herself down. “it was unintentional, at first, but then i sort of--”

“can you imagine clarke with a kid? because half of me still doesn’t believe this to be real life right now,” raven interrupts, turning to throw a questioning look at octavia, who is now sitting up on the couch. clarke turns to her, slightly offended, and she hears raven continue, “clarke, you are saying you have a kid. like an actual child?”

"yes!" clarke says, wondering why it is so hard to believe that a nearly two year old toddler now refers to her as mama.

raven tilts her head and narrows her eyes, smirking slightly, "bullshit."

"wha-- why would i lie?"

octavia gets up on her feet, "hey, she has pictures, this kid exists. i've actually seen her before." finally, she's doing her job as clarke's backup and she reaches for the sketchpad clarke is holding, and flips it open to a random page of dany smiling. "look at this." and raven leans over and her eyes are taking in clarke's drawings and sketches of dany and some of lexa, and when octavia flips the page, a portrait of clarke, lexa and dany appears.

"hey, i haven't see nthis one before," octavia remarks, and clarke is standing in front of them so she's not entirely sure what they're looking at and--

"clarke," raven's eyes widen, taking the sketchpad and turning it around. it's the one she drew early this morning, of dany sitting between them, her hands raised as if she was going to clap, but that's not what raven is currently focusing on. it's what lexa is doing in the sketch, she's leaning in and kissing clarke's cheek while the blonde's face is smiling happily and--

(and it occurs to clarke that there is a lot more than dany that her friends and her mom should probably know before they get to the capitol.)

.

Chapter Text

just close your eyes /  the sun is going down / you’ll be all right / no one can hurt you now - safe and sound, taylor swift ft. the civil wars.

.

clarke thought she would only have to tell the sky people of dany and her connection to clarke, but she did not wake up earlier that morning to find herself in the middle of mecha station of camp jaha, explaining the nature of her relationship with lexa, to raven and octavia.

clarke tells them of how she ran into lexa, the day after she saved dany, and how she managed to wrangle lexa into taking her and the child to polis, and somehow, after a series of events that even raven can’t call bullshit on, clarke found herself living happily among the people of polis, with lexa and dany in her life.

octavia mutters, "now i know why you took her side," but there is no malice in her tone, it's only octavia making sense of things.

clarke struggles to explain, "not really, we didn't-- i needed lexa to save our friends from the mountain, we weren't really together until we got to polis."

octavia stares at her, as though trying to detect lies, but she eventually nods. “i believe you.”

raven reyes, youngest zero-g mechanic in fifty two years in the ark station, does not. "this is a joke, griffin," she declares, her curved eyebrow twitching up. "you're fucking with me."

"technically she's fucking the commander, so.." octavia mumbles, looking through more of clarke's sketches.

clarke ignores her, as well as the blush creeping up on her cheeks and she asks, "what reason do i have to lie about this?"

raven raises her hands and nods, "okay, wait, let me just clarify then. you, clarke griffin, found a kid and ended up in polis with the commander of the grounders, and you fell in love together and started raising the kid as your own?"

"i- yes?"

octavia's eyes widen in surprise, nearly dropping the sketchbook, "you're in love with her?"

clarke stares at her, she stills and she’s speechless at the realization that she is, indeed, in love with lexa.

she is in love with lexa. (when the hell did that happen?)

(she has been in love with lexa for the last few months but she is only realizing now and her brain has stopped working because she. is. in. love. with. lexa.)

raven and octavia exchange glances, before they turn to clarke, identical shit-eating grins on their faces. clarke is still frozen, gaping at the realization octavia has brought forward.

"okay, now i think i believe this because you look like you just stopped breathing." raven has the decency to look smug, and she returns to her task of tinkering with the radio, and clarke is still speechless.

(raven and octavia, as well as the other members of the sky people, have mixed feelings towards the commander. mostly distrust, some suspicion, and a little bit of fascination. but seeing clarke blush and stammer out a flimsy excuse about her feelings towards lexa makes both raven and octavia wonder if it is the same person who lead an army to war, and the one clarke has sketches of in her pad, smiling freely and happily.)

.

“you’re romantically involved with the commander?”

(if anyone had asked clarke, ‘hey, did you ever think you would find yourself in this situation, with your mom and octavia and raven, explaining the nature of your relationship with lexa, along with the fact that you are raising a two-year old toddler together, in which the child refers to both of you as her mothers, and your heart has never felt so full in your entire life?’, she would have laughed and said no, not in a million years.

but alas, here she is, in the mecha station, standing before the three of them, her heart hammering in her chest because she’s finding it so hard to explain.)

abby had walked in, as octavia analyzed the details of one of clarke’s sketches, while raven was fiddling with one of the radios on her desk, to tell the young mechanic that she was coming along to the capitol. she found the three of them together, and abby remembered smiling, happy that clarke is reunited with her friends.

she also remembered walking up behind octavia and taking a peek at what she's staring at, at what masterpiece clarke seemed to be flustered about, and she remembered that same smile being wiped off of her face as she saw--

“is that the commander?” abby had asked, taking in the sketch. she recognises clarke, her hair pulled back in a fishtail braid that rests on her shoulder. she notices a small child, sat with her hands poised in the air. she narrows her eyes at the other figure, resembling the commander, her face leaning into clarke’s, kissing her cheek.

abby remembers feeling very, very confused, before the realization sinks in.

which leads them to her latest inquiry, “you’re romantically involved with the commander?” she had shrieked, and raven nearly jumps into the ceiling because her brain has barely noticed abby’s presence. octavia, who has ears like a grounder now, thanks to lincoln’s training, only winces at the intensity in her voice.

“mom,” clarke starts, she momentarily wonders how she gets into these kinds of things. “..we’re sort of together?”

“clarke, how can you love someone like her? she’s ruthless, she’s betrayed you!” the confusion doesn’t fade, but it does make sense why clarke was quick to defend the commander, how she pushed for this new alliance while stating the fact that it was lexa’s idea. it makes so much sense so suddenly, why clarke willingly spoke on behalf of the commander, even after she was betrayed.

“mom, that was months ago--”

abby interjects, “it threatened our survival.” she stills and then she question is out of her mouth before she can stop herself, “did she brainwash you?”

“what?” clarke shakes her head, and she tells herself that she is so incredibly done with this conversation. “no, i’m fine. we were already.. romantically involved before the mountain.” she sighs at their surprised expressions before she continues, mumbling, “we kissed before the war.”

“clarke!” her mom yells out.

“yes, i know! she’s the enemy and all that, but mom, she’s not anymore. she’s genuinely trying to help us.”

and raven finds this moment to be the perfect opportunity to blurt out, “she’s in love with lexa, and they’re raising a kid together.”

“what?”

clarke throws raven a look that says, ‘thanks a lot’, and she can practically feel her mother’s blood pressure rising. she can’t deny it at this point, so clarke just shrugs, she admits, “that’s what i’ve been doing over the last five months.” and abby is speechless, her mouth gaping as though she were a fish out of water, and octavia is watching all of this with a barely concealed amused expression, and raven has the audacity to smirk. “i’m happy,” clarke adds, “that matters right? we’re safe, we’re happy, we’re on the ground.”

abby's stare softens at that, but then she says, "we will talk about this later."

.

(when abby recovers, she turns to raven, “you’re coming to polis, we’re going to need radios so we can keep in contact while we’re away.”

“i get to see the beach?!”

raven’s enthusiasm makes clarke think of the adorable child who is waiting back in polis for her, and her heart yearns to hold dany.

abby watches raven and octavia jump in excitement together, and she replies, “hopefully soon.”

“yeah, soon,” clarke adds.)

.

lexa takes dany to an old woman’s shop, located in the far side of the capitol. the sun is long gone and the city is illuminated with torches and lights in the streets. lexa greets the woman behind the counter in trigedasleng, and dany listens to the woman’s reply as she has her arms wrapped around her mama’s neck. the woman looks older than tarryn, and dany squints her eyes the wrinkles on the woman’s face. she regards her and smiles warmly, offering a cheerful, “hei, strikon,” and the child only hides her face in lexa’s neck, feeling shy under her gaze. before the child can protest, she’s being put down on the floor and soon the woman is taking measurements of her torso, and her legs.

“how about boots, heda?” the woman inquires, taking the child’s footwear off and examining her little toes. “child’s feet grow fast,” she comments.

lexa nods, “those as well, maybe two pairs if you are able?”

“of course, heda, it is no problem,” she places the child’s boot back on her feet before going behind the counter in her shop and writing down the details of her measurement. “i should have them done by the day after tomorrow,” she tells the commander.

“that is perfect, mochof krista,” lexa smiles gratefully.

krista, dany has learned her name, reaches under the counter and walks back around it towards the child, before bending over and handing her colourful sweets suspended on sticks, wrapped carefully in paper. dany looks at the woman and sweets she is offering before she glances at lexa, who nods and smiles encouragingly at her, before she takes the sweets.

“chof,” the child mumbles shyly, examining the sweets in her hands.

the woman chuckles, delighted, “pro, goufa. such a well-mannered strikon,” she remarks. news travels fast within the capitol, and krista adds, “you and the skai prisa have done well, heda.”

(it’s lexa who is all shy smiles as they wave goodbye and leave the tailor’s shop. dany giggles excitedly, holding up her new bundle of lollipops. “mama, look!”

“i see, strikon, only one tonight, sha?”)

.

when dany is sleeping soundly in her crib and lexa is downstairs in the kitchen, she is joined by tarryn who is dressed in her nightwear.

“yongon, when is clarke returning?”

“i know not, nomon,” is lexa’s reply, taking in her mother’s tired face. “hopefully tomorrow,” she adds, “dany is becoming restless without her.”

and tarryn laughs, earning a surprised look from her daughter. “i believe she is not the only one.” she watches lexa’s cheeks blush pink. “yu hod em in, sha?” tarryn asks, a knowing smile on her face. “you love her, yes?” her hazel eyes are twinkling because finally, her daughter has found peace and happiness with this child and clarke and that is all tarryn wants for her.

lexa nods once, her face warm, looking everywhere but at her mother.

tarryn lets out a dramatic yawn, before patting her daughter’s flushed face, “i am off to sleep, yongon, dream of clarke,” she chuckles as she leaves lexa standing in the kitchen.

.

monty catches her before she sneaks into raven’s tent, “clarke.”

“hey, monty,” is clarke’s reply, and she raises her eyebrows in a silent question.

he reveals an item from his pocket, it’s small, not bigger than his hand, “i want you to have this,” he grins, placing it in her hands. “it’s a camera, i made it.” before clarke can spout off the reasons why she has no need for a camera, monty continues, “i asked your mom if we can go to polis with you guys and she said no, so i want you to take pictures for me.”

clarke examines the small device, a red button serves as what she assumes to be the shutter-release, and she fiddles with it, accidentally turning it on and lighting up the small screen. “this is amazing,” she mumbles, raising it and aiming it at monty’s face before clicking the button.

there’s a blinding flash and the camera emits a gentle click before monty’s face is illuminated on the screen.

“i’m trying to work on a printer now, but the ink is sort of a problem, as well as paper.” monty divulges, he smiles shyly when he catches sight of clarke’s awed expression.

she offers, “i can ask lexa how they make paper from trees, if you’d like.”

he blinks, not quite used to clarke casually mentioning the commander as if she was a normal friend, but he nods. “thanks, clarke.”

“hey,” she catches monty’s arm before he turns to leave. “when this alliance is established, i’ll send horses for you guys so you can come see the beach.”

clarke has never seen him grin so excitedly.

.

monty isn't the only one who catches her before she reaches raven's tent. abby approaches her silently, and gestures for clarke to follow her near one of the fire pits. camp jaha is quiet now, with only patrolling guards and a few others awake, milling about while the rest are asleep, and abby sits on a log in front of the fire and waits for clarke to join her.

she watches the wood burn, feeling the warmth on her face, and abby says, "you wanna tell me how you managed to get with the commander?" she's not angry, she's just looking for answers, asking clarke to clear the confusion in her mind and betrayal she feels in her heart.

(abby is feeling a range of emotions right now, and they're so muddled together that she needs clarke to clarify a few things, and hopefully ease her mind.

her daughter left, without telling anyone but bellamy, and she was gone for five months. for those five months, abby woke up everyday with worry in her heart, and the worst of all, hope. she had hope that clarke would come back, safe and sound like she did, but as the days went by, that hope was replaced by dread. that sinking feeling in her chest causing it to hollow, afraid that one day the hunters and guards would drag clarke's lifeless body into camp jaha.

abby can't even begin to process how she feels about clarke and the commander, she only wants her daughter's happiness and safety, and she isn't sure that the ruthless commander that betrayed them can provide that for her.

but clarke said she was happy, clarke is well-fed and the scars on her face have faded away, barely noticeable now unless she squints hard, as well as the scars on her heart and on her soul. clarke speaks with passion and she laughs with light in her heart, and abby just wants to understand more than anything how she came to this point.)

so, clarke tells her mother, of how she wandered the woods aimlessly for three weeks before stumbling into dany's dying mother, she tells abby of how she managed to find lexa afterwards, in the destroyed village. she doesn't spare a single detail of how they returned to tondc and made their way to polis, of how clarke finally began to heal and silence the demons inside her head, of how dany's grin lights up her day and of how lexa makes her feel butterflies in her stomach.

abby listens intently, nodding and humming and it reminds her of a time when a younger clarke confessed in front of her and jake, her cheeks blushing as she told them about the girl clarke was caught making out with in her room. her voice is as shy as she is now, but there's something different in her eyes, there is less innocence, but clarke is no longer haunted, not by the mountain men.

when clarke finishes talking, silence envelops them, as abby processes everything.

she sighs, turning to her daughter, "and she cares about you?" clarke nods her reply. "are you sure?"

clarke laughs softly before answering, "yes, mom, lexa cares for me. i didn't leave you guys for her, she just happened to find me."

"i'm just looking out for you," abby reminds her, that maternal streak will never leave her. she places her arm over clarke's shoulder and murmurs, "i am still your mother, no matter what happens."

"i know," she hears clarke whisper, "i love you, mom."

.

"what about this child?" abby inquires a little while later, when the warmth of the fire has caused both of their cheeks to flush pink.

"dany?"

abby smiles a little, "that's what you named her?"

"no, that's already her name when i found her," clarke answers, shaking her head. she adds wistfully, "she's going to be two in a few days. she has lexa's eyes."

and abby remembers when clarke was two, toddling around the place and giggling in her daddy's arms. she sighs, "you're too young to be a mother, clarke."

clarke is silent, as though thinking of what to say next, then she answers, "i was too young to lead our people, too, but look at where we are now."

(and abby knows, this is what clarke's life is now. these are the decisions she has chosen to live with, and whether she likes it or not, her daughter has achieved her happiness this way.

she hopes that she will be there to support clarke from now on.)

.

(later, when clarke is comfortably snuggled in her blanket and half asleep, laying on the bedspread next to raven, raven nudges her. “does lexa love you back?” she asks.

clarke nods, and whispers, “i think so.”

“good, she better,” raven mutters before pulling the blanket over her head.)

.

they rise when the sun has not even peeked out of its hiding and the cold air makes them shiver, and at the gates of camp jaha, clarke hugs her friends goodbye, including miller, jasper, monty and harper, promising that she’ll see them soon.

tren hands her the reins of the white horse she rode on, the heda's horse, and clarke instructs that they will ride in pairs.

abby and kane exchange glances when clarke begins to speak to tren in unfamiliar words, before he nods respectfully and starts relaying her orders to the rest of the guards.  

"you speak their language fluently?" kane inquires curiously, and clarke nods.

"i was in polis for months, i was bound to pick up a few words."

abby ends up riding with clarke, while octavia and lincoln pair up, which surprises nobody. bellamy and raven are left together when kane rides with the guard he has chosen, a young lieutenant named derek, who is nervously glancing at the grounder guards around them. it's a twelve hour ride, and they let the horses trot quickly for the first few hours, hoping to lessen the hours they have to spend on their journey. tren and pol take up the rear of the group while appa and mikal, the messenger, lead, looking out for dangers ahead of them.

the ride is relatively quiet and uneventful, and after four hours, their provided with a little bit of entertainment when the pack raven is carrying nearly falls out of her grip.

"sorry," she calls out as bellamy helps her with it, "arm fell asleep."

.

the sounds of the capitol can be heard from a mile away, the loud chattering of its residents and calls of vendors, the laughter of children playing, the noises of builders and workers, renovating the stones and marbles of the old world, making homes and shops and statues of their heroes.

so it is more than odd, for lexa to stand with dany in the back garden of the commander's home, feeling the soft breeze on her face and hear a wolf howling.

the forest behind the commander's home is heavily monitored, with guards roaming it as children play behind trees and in its clearings, where apothecaries gather medicinal herbs and plants and mushrooms, where builders gather their lumber and rocks and clay. animals do not dare cross the boundaries they have set up to keep their people safe, and her people know better than to break out of the capitol and create holes within its fences for danger to crawl into.

so lexa is understandably beyond alarmed, when the wolf howls again, from within the shadows of the trees, sounding very near from where she is standing. she knows guards patrolling around her will be as alert as their heda, hunting away the danger that is lurking.

dany, who stands next to her, feels the howl deep in her bones, and she beams before throwing her head back and imitating the howl, as loud and long as her little lungs can.

"goufa," lexa looks down at her, as though the child has lost her mind. dany pays no attention to her mama, and howls again.

the wolf replies, and another howl is filled in the air. then another, and another, and another.

and all lexa can think is: there is a pack of wolves in the walls of the capitol, and they have heard dany.

she tries to think rationally, trying to calm her heart wildly beating in her chest as she pulls dany into her arms and begins to retreat back into the house. but dany struggles, kicking her legs and trying to push herself off of lexa, whining and letting out a loud cry, definitely attracting the wolves that sound so close to them, and lexa hears a twig snap behind her and she turns around and sees--

a large dark wolf with amber eyes, pushing through the bushes, followed by a snow-haired wolf, with blue eyes. they're staring right at lexa and the squirming dany in her arms, and they do not growl, or snarl, or make themselves threatening in any way, not even when lexa draws her sword. her left arm is wrapped around the child, pulling dany close to her chest, and her stance changes, the sword tightly gripped in her right hand.

the two wolves are joined by three more, one is the colour of burning embers, its eyes dark, while the other two are similar colours of grey, one is as large as the black wolf, while the other's fur is caked with dirt and mud.

and lexa's mind is running about how she can barricade herself in the house and alert her guards, because there is no way she can take five wolves down while holding dany.

"wolf, wolf!" dany squeals excitedly, clapping her hands, and lexa tries to shush her without keeping her eyes off of the beasts that are slowly approaching them now.

and then it happens, dany slips off of her grip and lands on the ground, and before lexa can catch her, the child is sprinting towards the pack.

lexa's heart completely stops when dany reaches for the alpha, the large dark wolf, and grabs its ears, and she is expecting a snarl before it lunges its sharp teeth at the small child, and she's running after her daughter, her feet swift and her knees shaking and--

and then dany giggles when the wolf licks her face and soon all of the wolves are nuzzling her and letting out delighted noises at being reunited with this child.

the sword is in her hand and she uses the sharp blade to swat away the wolves and they step back, seemingly sensing lexa's fear, and dany raises her hands and turns to her mama, wiping wolf slobber off her face with her sleeve. "no, mama, wolf good."

lexa falls to her knees in front of the child and wraps her arms around dany, expelling deep breaths because she was very near danger and she cannot think, her brain has stopped and she is acting on instinct and adrenaline, and the wolves are standing before them, calm and wagging their tails happily.

the commander is shaking and there are tears leaking from her eyes and dany kisses her chin, "safe, mama," she declares, "safe."

"emo nou ste klir," lexa murmurs, still holding the child tightly, her eyes fixed on the beasts watching them, "they are dangerous."

she recognises the large black wolf as the one they ran into months ago, when they were on their way to polis, and she's confused because they seem to be seeking out dany.

(the child is a target, foreseen by the seer, but what he did not predict is that her spirit will be one with the wolves of nature.)

the pack seems to realize that their interaction with dany is cut short, and they begin to retreat, one by one, back into the forest, and the white wolf is the last to turn away from dany. it cautiously steps closer, and eyeing lexa's sharp blade, and dany reaches out to touch it, and the wolf licks her hand in farewell, before scurrying off through the bushes.

lexa is still shaking when they get inside, hugging dany, and she tries to calm herself. the child is resting her face against lexa's cheek, sensing her alarmed state, and dany nuzzles her nose on her cheek, muttering, "mama, mama."

but when they're safe in the confines of clarke's room, lexa murmurs, "please do not scare me like that again. ai hod yu in."

dany looks up, and she grins, placing her hand on lexa's cheek, the tear tracks dry on her face, and she echoes her mama's words, "ai hod yu in, mama."

.

(the child falls asleep, safe and warm in lexa's arms while she soothingly rubs dany's back, and the commander repeats the echoed words in her mind, her heart calming.

"i love you, mama.")

.

around seven hours into the journey, when the sun is high in the sky, they have their lunch at the exact same spot clarke had once camped before when lexa and dany with her, and it was her first time coming to polis. she is not the only one who remembers the memory of how they scrambled away after meeting the big wolf, appa and tren are sitting next to her, looking around and listening, alert.

clarke begins to think that spot is cursed, or something similar, because once they're settled around a fire, eating preserved meats and fruits, pol rises from where he's sitting and announces, "i hear footsteps, skai prisa."

as soon as the words are out of his mouth, six warriors reveal themselves from the bushes, weapons in hand and they begin demanding for them to kneel. bellamy is armed with a rifle and he is the closest to one of the raiders, tries to point his gun at one of them, but he is not quick enough and he gets kicked in the gut, roughly landing on his back.

clarke's guards draw their weapons, along with lincoln and octavia, and they charge at the other four, and the air is filled with loud clanking swords and battle cries, and suddenly lincoln is crying out when there is a dagger embedded into his upper arm.

the leader, who is standing away from all of them, seems to recognise clarke, and he lets out a roar and tackles her to the ground. he's skinny but he is strong and clarke hits her temple at the protruding root on the ground. she forces herself to open her eyes and the raider above her has a knife poised to stab her in the chest, and in the corner of her eyes, she sees bellamy being held by the same raider that kicked him, a blade pushing on his neck.

clarke's saviour is raven, with her choice of weapon, the heavy pack filled with tools and radios. she hits the raider on the back of his head and he rolls off of clarke, and within a second, she reaches for her handgun, strapped to her side and points it at the raider behind bellamy and she does not hesitate when she pulls the trigger.

the shot rings out and the raider lets bellamy go, clutching his bleeding shoulder, and he yells out orders for them to retreat. the remaining raiders, including the leader that tackled clarke, now disoriented from raven's blow, scramble away and towards the bushes, and clarke lets herself breathe out a sigh of relief. she looks around and nobody seems to be hurt, except for appa who is now nursing her bleeding nose while abby is tending to lincoln, wrapping a cloth tightly around his wound to keep him from bleeding out. bellamy has a small cut on his neck, but he's fine, and clarke touches her head and sees blood.

tren rounds up the spooked horses and calms them, and then he turns to look at clarke, “skai prisa, we must move, they may come back in more numbers.”

"we have to get to polis," she sits up, sharp pangs of pain on her temple, and raven helps her up on her feet. the gun is still in her hand, and it does not return to its holster until they are back on their horses and riding towards the capitol again.

.

the horses are forced to run, for the remaining few hours towards polis, as lincoln is feeling the effects of the poison of the dagger. he starts to feel woozy, and the colours and the sun and everything around him are blinding, and he nearly falls off of the horse twice. octavia is holding him, forcing him to sit upwards and hold on to the reins in front of them.

the gates are ahead of them, and the horses are being slowed, and guards at gate stop the approaching group.

"skaikru must disarm before entering," one of them sneers, his distaste for them is evident in his tone.

"em souda fis op," octavia replies, nearly growling, "he should be healed." she's glaring at them, as kane and bellamy assist lincoln off the horse, "osir don nou taim," she adds, "we do not have time."

the guard only repeats his phrase, apathetic to the barely conscious lincoln. "skaikru must disarm before entering."

clarke speaks up, blood beginning to dry down the side of her face, "they are not a threat," she declares, approaching the guard with a deadly glare. "move, and get a healer." he stares at her for a few seconds, hesitating, before he yells out orders to open the gate and retrieve a healer immediately. when he turns back to clarke, she gives him another order, "tell the commander that i have returned."

(and the sky people never thought they'd see the day, when a towering man cowers under clarke's glare, following her orders and stepping out of her way.)

it is tren who catches lincoln when his legs give out and he falls back, and when they are just inside the gates of polis, a healer approaches them quickly, a woman that looks only a few years older than abby, examines the dagger he was stabbed with. she takes out vials from her pocket and immediately forces its contents into lincoln's mouth, as clarke and the rest of the skaikru watch.

he chokes and coughs out, but minutes later, he opens his eyes and weakly says, "thank you." octavia hugs him as he's trying to get up on his feet, and clarke wipes some of the blood off of her face with her sleeve, wincing at the sharp sting on her temple.

"hir, skai prisa," the healer says, handing her a vial, filled with a blue liquid. "for the pain."

clarke nods her thanks and tips her head back to drink the vial, and from behind her, she recognises a voice calling out to her excitedly.

"mama, mama, mama!”

Chapter Text

the city outside is nothing but a flicker now / you see our friends to bed, you turn out the lights / i start to think you’ll make a beautiful mother / i like to think of everything i want from this life - sight of the sun, fun.

.

dany is being woken from her nap. she does not like being woken from her nap.

she whines, and tries to burrow into lexa’s chest where she’s laying, but lexa is sitting up and she hears tarryn’s voice say, “yongon, a guard is downstairs, he says skaikru ste hir.”

lexa nods softly at her mother, before planting a kiss on the child on her lap. “clarke is back, strikon,” she whispers. her nap was cut short and she is not in the mood, but at the mention of clarke’s name, she blinks her eyes open.

dany mumbles sleepily, “mama clarke?”

“sha, strikon,” her mama smiles back, “she has returned.”

.

dany is still sort of half asleep as they make their way to the gates, and she’s clinging on to lexa, her arms wrapped around her and her face buried in the crook of her neck.

lexa jostles her though, about halfway through, “walk?” she offers. dany’s grumpy but she agrees anyway, and lexa’s grip is firm on her wrist as she toddles along towards the gates.

there’s a crowd around the open west entrance of the capitol, and they’re murmuring and whispering, but they seem to quiet when lexa makes her presence known, clearing her throat. she nods once as a thanks to the people who part before her, who let her pass towards the new arrivals. and then dany recognises blonde hair within a small group of people huddled around a tall man sitting on the ground, and she squeals excitedly, “mama, mama, mama!” lexa lets her go and watches the child run.

clarke turns around and she sees two pairs of familiar green eyes. she can’t stop the smile spreading on her face, and she crouches down to catch the child bounding over to her, with bright eyes, shrieking excitedly.

“mama clarke!” little dany exclaims, clutching on to her mama’s clothes and burying her face into her chest.

“i missed you,” clarke mutters, closing her eyes and hugging dany tightly. it has only been nearly three days and it has felt like a lifetime since she’s held dany. the child is not letting go, but she does pull back and she giggles delightedly when clarke begins peppering soft kisses all over her face.

lexa is trailing behind, hands clasped in front of her. she only glances at clarke and gives her a hint of a smile before lexa addresses her guests, “sky people,” she greets formally with a nod. she eyes the way bellamy clenches his jaw and the way abby narrows her eyes at her, before she continues, “welcome to the capitol. there is much to discuss, i am sure clarke has mentioned some of it.”

(she is heda first, before she is anything.)

abby steps up, with kane and bellamy flanking her side and she answers, “she has mentioned a lot,” and the way her curved eyebrow quirks up makes lexa think maybe clarke has told them a lot more than this new alliance. lexa does not miss the way raven is smirking and octavia's eyes soften, or the way bellamy has his eyebrows furrowed in confusion at clarke and dany who are still giggling to each other.

behind them, lincoln staggers up on his feet, assisted by octavia, and clarke finally stands from where she’s crouching down, with dany in her arms. and then lexa sees the traces of blood on the side of her face.

“were you attacked?”

dany is resting her head on clarke’s shoulder, oblivious and only happy to have her family complete when clarke replies, “we were ambushed on our way here.” and before lexa even realizes what she’s doing, she’s gently placing her hand on clarke’s cheek and examining her wound, unaware of the observing skaikru around them.

“what clan?” lexa inquires.

“we didn’t see, there were no bands or insignias.”

(the ice nation is both on their minds, but they have no solid evidence. lexa knows her distaste for the ice queen stems from a personal point of view, rather than as heda, and her heart yearns for vengance for costia, and protection for dany, but she cannot act, not unless her people are threatened directly.)

.

the commander invites them to dine with her first, before they meet the generals and chiefs tomorrow.

“i will explain what they are expecting from you tomorrow, and what you are to expect of them, so you will not be overwhelmed,” she offers, and abby is apprehensive.

(rightfully so, she has no reason to trust the commander. especially not after the mountain, memories of their first dinner in tondc flashes in her mind, the one where raven was accused of trying to poison the commander and gustus ended up dead, tied to a post with the commander’s blade in his heart.)

but abby glances at her daughter, who has this child with dark hair braided back away from her face, and gleeful green eyes, clutching onto clarke as though she never wants to let go. clarke seems incredibly comfortable, standing beside the commander and nodding at her mom, and the chancellor has no choice but to respond with, “it would be our pleasure.”

.

clarke and lexa are leading the sky people through the streets of polis, and dany has her chin resting on clarke’s shoulder. she’s curiously watching these new people, dressed a little differently than them, and she’s particularly intrigued with the young man who’s watching them curiously. he has mop of curly hair and bellamy's eyes soften when he looks at dany, and the child levels him with the same inquisitive stare.

(raven and octavia are watching the three of them, too, the way this little girl is holding onto clarke and the way lexa walks alongside clarke, their arms brushing and bumping into one another.

they cannot deny that clarke fits so perfectly, in this little family she has created.)

.

(they walk through the crowds that part before them, "mounin houm, skai prisa!" some of them greet clarke with a wave, “welcome back, sky princess!”

she is regarded reverently by these people, and none of sky people fail to notice that. clarke nods and smiles at them, and even offers a simple wave at the small children who beam widely at her.

"you're famous, clarke," raven remarks.)

.

the commander takes them to the strategy room, with lexa’s servants and guards bringing in a long table and chairs, along with food and drinks. the map of polis and its surrounding villages is pushed towards the corner of the room, and clarke places a kiss on dany’s forehead before she lets her down, as lexa leaves momentarily.

and abby and the rest of the sky people finally have the moment to examine this little child who stares up at them, she is just as curious as they are, and bellamy is the first to ask, “clarke, who is she?”

the little child is aware that the question is referring to her, she pipes up, “dany!”

(clarke can’t quite believe that her daughter will be two in a few days, and she remembers when the child was wrapped in a blanket and crying, spitting out crushed berries on her and biting her, those memories feel like they only happened yesterday.)

raven chortles, “smart kid."

“this is my daughter,” clarke explains and she almost wants to laugh at the comical expression that falls on bellamy’s face, along with kane’s and his lieutenant. lincoln is only recovering from the poison, the effects of the antidote are just settling in his system, but he can register everything that is happening around him and he does not look surprised.

(octavia had murmured early that morning before they rose from their tent about the existence of this child and how she was connected to the heda and to clarke, and at first he thought octavia was joking, but seeing dany in person and the way her little arm is wrapped around clarke’s leg, he sort of believes it.)

(only sort of because he thinks he did not drink enough of the antidote, and the poison is still making him hallucinate.)

lexa returns as food is being served at the table and she does not fail to notice the way clarke mouths, ‘i’ll explain later,’ to bellamy. she glances at the sky people, who do not touch their food, and she turns to clarke who has noticed the same thing.

“the food is fine,” clarke tells them, and she’s not surprised when they are still reluctant. lexa waves over one of her guards who are standing by the doorway and indicates to taste their food, to ensure it is not poisoned like they think it is.

but dany is the one who manages to climb onto bellamy’s lap and reaches for the bowl that sits in front of him, "sanch!" the child exclaims. she takes the spoon and dips it into the bowl before placing it in her mouth, and the whole room stills before she grins up at clarke and announces, “good, mama, good.”

octavia, who sits next to her brother, asks, “how do we know everything else on the table isn’t poisoned?”

(she is a traitor in lexa’s eyes along with lincoln, traitors to the alliance, as lexa is to them, and her distrust is justified. but in her mind, she sees no point for lexa to poison them, especially not if she reciprocates the feelings clarke has for her.)

“i’m sure dany has no problem of tasting everything for you,” is lexa's reply.

.

dany is passed from lap to lap, dipping her spoon in everything and announcing if the food is good, which is the case for most of it, although she is unaware of the reason why. she only scrunches up her nose when she lands on raven’s lap, and raven reaches for the closest thing for the child to taste: a bowl of cranberry sauce. dany turns around to raven and places her small hand on her cheek, “ew,” she declares.

raven asks, “not good?” and clarke laughs from where she’s sitting, and beside her, the commander is smiling.

“not good,” dany repeats, as she sticks the spoon back into her mouth and shakes her head. she wiggles off of raven’s lap and totters over to the chair between her two mamas. lexa helps her climb and settle onto it, and slowly the sky people begin eating the food in front of them, declared safe by this adorable child.

.

abby is glancing curiously at dany as the commander talks about what is expected of them tomorrow in front of her generals and chiefs.

dany notices and blinks at her, before she pulls on clarke's jacket, "mama," she whispers, aware that lexa is talking next to her, aware that she should not interrupt. "see?" and then she glances to abby who are watching them both with an unreadable expression.

clarke follows her line of sight and her mother smiles at her before returning her attention to the commander.

"that's my mom," clarke whispers to the child. "your grandmother," she says a little louder, and lexa pauses next to her. "what is that in trigedasleng?"

"em laik yu gran, strikon." lexa replies quietly with a soft smile, "she is your grandmother, little one."

"heya, gran," dany waves her little hand up in the air, grinning broadly at abby, who can only smile back and return a small wave.

.

“you will become officially part of the new alliance, as the thirteenth clan, when the terms you offer are accepted by my generals and chiefs, and when you accept our terms,” the commander declares, letting her eyes flicker between each member of the sky people sitting in front of her.

kane inquires, “and what terms will you offer us?”

lexa’s eyes land on him, “all will be revealed tomorrow, but what you need to know is how to ease their mind about your interactions with what is left of mount weather.” she notices clarke give pause at the mention of the mountain, before returning her attention to dany. “they are anxious about the weapons you have acquired, as am i.”

bellamy is quick to hiss, “shouldn’t have betrayed us then,” and he’s suddenly confused when clarke throws him a glare.

(yes, he supported clarke’s cause for a truce with the sky people, but he trusts clarke, and only clarke, not the commander. too many of his people’s blood is on their hands, it’s about time they have their revenge back.)

abby sighs, the talk of fighting for their survival seems to leave her tired, “the last thing we need is another war.”

“i agree, there has been too much blood lost, because of the mountain. and since that threat is gone, thanks to clarke, it is about time there is peace across the land.”

kane brings up a valid point, “commander, you betrayed us. how do we know you’re not roping us into this alliance just to ensure that we won’t retaliate?”

"because we won't," clarke interjects, and abby opens her mouth to speak, to object, but she presses on, "look, like i said before, you need this alliance as much as they do. you need it to support the growing population in camp jaha and they need it because we have the technology to improve their lives." she glances around the table, "we don't need another war, don't you want our people safe?"

there's a silence that settles between all of them, and it is dany who breaks it by repeating with a serious nod, "safe," she echoes. she looks up at the adults who are staring at her now, and she beams, swinging her legs.

(the talk of war and alliances bear no meaning to this child, who is sitting safe and sound between her two mothers, their hearts bound to one another.)

.

when they've discussed what to expect from the chiefs of the remaining clans, along with what the sky people can offer which are mostly things can improve their lives such as technology and their advanced knowledge in medicine, lexa excuses herself to arrange their accommodation in the capitol.

and dany climbs onto clarke's lap, "mama clarke," she says.

"you learned my name," her mama smiles proudly.

"so this is the kid," octavia pipes up from across the table, her eyes trained on the little girl on clarke’s lap.

it seems bellamy is the only one still confused about dany. kane has accepted that it is none of his business and has decided not to ask, along with his lieutenant. lincoln already has a semblance of an idea who she is, since octavia mentioned this morning. "you have a daughter?" bellamy asks, feeling very left out. he frowns, "how come you didn't tell me?"

"i was going to," clarke answers, "but we had to leave and i didn't get the chance."

she watches bellamy nod and process this new information. he stares at the child and then he grins. “cute,” he remarks, then he tilts his head slightly as he inquires, “where’s her real family?”

(the implication that clarke is not dany’s mother makes her want to glare at him, but she knows he means well, and she knows what he is really asking.)

“gone, i’m her family now,” is all clarke replies, distracting herself with fixing dany’s braids.

(clarke has not changed, in bellamy eyes, but she carries herself better these days. her steps are lighter and her smiles are brighter, and he wonders if this child is the reason why.)

.

the sun has already set and most of the people of polis have gone to their homes while a few are still milling about. when lexa returns, she leads the sky people to the building across the commander’s home. its reception is a long hallway illuminated by torches, with doors that are painted with varying colours. “it is an inn, for travellers. you may stay here while you are in the capitol. i have stationed guards outside for your protection.”

(lexa knows they are here because clarke has managed to convince them, because they trust clarke, not her. she knows she may never earn that trust again, and she is not really bothered by that fact, because all she cares about is that clarke trusts her.)

they mumble their thanks, as some of them begin picking out their rooms, and abby turns to clarke, “where do you stay?” she asks, but she has a feeling she already knows.

“uh, at the commander’s home,” clarke replies, her cheeks blushing slightly. “why do you ask?”

abby cuts her gaze to the commander and lexa clears her throat, “i can assure you that clarke is safe with me. i will not let any harm come to her,” she levels abby with the same intense stare.

(i care about your daughter, is what lexa is trying to say.)

she’s glancing back and forth between her daughter and the commander, they’re standing close to each other and there’s a little child between them, holding both of their hands and lifting her foot in the air.

abby nods once, it is not quite approval yet, but she’s getting there.

.

(when lexa announces that she will send guards for them in the morning in time for the meeting, before they leave the sky people to rest for the night, dany tugs on abby's hand, "gran," she grins.

"say bye, dany, we'll see her tomorrow," clarke encourages, but the child only glances between her mama and this new person with a new title and says nothing.

lexa tells her, "say leida, strikon."

"leida, gran!" dany lets go of abby's hand and hops over to clarke. "up, mama."

when clarke lifts her up, she frowns slightly. "she never says anything i tell her."

beside her, lexa stands and smirks triumphantly while abby chuckles, "you were like that with your father, clarke.")

.

it is odd, the string of circumstances of how they're all standing together in this very moment, but the child looks at all of them happily, and clarke and lexa know, they do not and cannot regret their actions that have led them here.

.

later, as lexa sits at the edge of the bed in clarke's room and watches clarke settle the sleeping child onto her crib, clarke notices a new picture pinned above the crib.

"what's this?" she asks, her eyes roaming over the overlapping lines of chalk that resemble no figure, their colours and smudged and blended together.

the commander is pulling off her boots when she responds, "dany made that for you, when i left her alone for five minutes. nomon's floor is lucky that she did not get her hands on your paint." clarke smiles, tracing the lines with her fingers, trying to imagine the mess that lexa must have found her in. lexa murmurs softly, "she has your talent."

clarke stills, she mumbles, "she's not really ours." she turns around and watches lexa place her boots on the floor.

"dany is ours, clarke," the commander corrects her, and then she looks up.

clarke stares at her for a moment, and a long time passes before she nods softly, before looking down at the sleeping child snoring quietly.

.

"she missed you."

clarke laughs quietly, "just dany?" she asks, stepping closer towards the bed.

lexa's voice drops to a husky whisper, "perhaps she is not the only one." clarke straddles her and rests her hands on the commander's shoulder, a slight smirk on her lips.

"hi," she says innocently.

lexa gulps, "hello," before clarke crashes their lips together and lexa has to remind herself to keep sitting up and not to fall back on the bed. clarke’s hips are moving against her slowly, and lexa’s hands travel down to her ass and she squeezes, and lexa nearly loses it when she hears a moan escape clarke's throat.

when clarke begins nipping on her jawline and on her neck, lexa stammers out, "i missed you," with her eyes screwed shut and heat pooling low in her belly.

clarke pulls back, panting slightly, her lips are parted and her pupils are blown, and lexa opens her eyes when she murmurs, "show me."

lexa breathes in sharply through her nose before she asks, "are you sure?"

clarke does not answer, she only shrugs off her jacket.

lexa helps her take the rest of her clothes off.

.

(they take turns shushing each other when lexa moans too loud or when clarke moves her hips too hard and the headboard clangs against the wall.

they take turns pausing and falling into a fit of giggles before silencing each other once more with a kiss.)

.

much later, when they're tangled in each other underneath the warmth of the furs, lexa kisses clarke's head and murmurs, "she hit a boy in the face with a ball yesterday."

"what? who?"

in the dark, lexa smiles softly. "theo, my general's son. your daughter needs to learn the concept of sharing."

clarke stills in her arms, a playful smirk then spreads on her face, "so she's my daughter when she's hitting other children but she's ours when she's good?"

"of course," lexa laughs.

.

the sun is lighting up the room, the curtains are drawn and there is quiet rustling when dany yawns and opens her eyes. she sits up and looks around, expecting to find her mamas in bed, stuck to each other, but instead she finds them dressed and getting ready, clarke is brushing the tangles out of her hair and lexa is spreading kohl on her face using her fingers.

dany stands in her crib and holds onto the railings, and she's getting taller and soon she'll be able to haul herself over the railing and climb down. "mama," she yawns and raises her arms when clarke turns to her with a smile.

"good morning," she greets, lifting dany into her arms and kissing her cheek. "want a bath?"

dany shakes her head, "sanch." she furrows her eyebrows when she catches sight of the warpaint on lexa's face, "mama?"

"sha, strikon?"

"what," is the only thing that comes out of the child's mouth, staring confusedly at the commander. her eyes are narrowed and there's an adorable frown on her face, she has never seen her mama lexa like this before.

clarke chuckles at dany's reaction, "that's still her."

dany reaches for lexa's face and rests her hand on her cheek. lexa smiles softly, "try not to smudge, goufa."

when her fingertips touch the paint on lexa's face, she pulls her hand back. "what," dany says, looking at her hand with traces of kohl. "why?"

her mamas both laugh at her apparent confusion, and lexa replies, "it is warpaint, clarke and i have a very important meeting today."

the child looks at her, as though processing this new information, and then a simple, "oh," falls out of her mouth, her tone suggesting that she still doesn't understand, but she's willing to accept it. dany kicks her foot in the air and clarke lets her down, she clutches on to both lexa and clarke's hands, and begins leading them to the door. "sanch, mama."

.

dany manages not to spill anything on herself this morning, and she's popping blueberries in her mouth when she hears clarke say, "hey, you're going to stay here with tarryn, okay?"

and dany gives her a long look before she shakes her head, "no," she responds, seemingly understanding what her mama has told her. she returns her attention to her blueberries while lexa and clarke exchange glances.

"maybe if you slip away, she won't notice," tarryn suggests quietly.

but dany does, she finishes her breakfast and turns around to find her mamas are gone, and when tarryn tries to take her upstairs for her bath, she pouts and tugs the woman around the house.

"mama?" she calls out in every room they investigate in, and a whine escapes her when she finds it empty.

"they are at a council meeting, strikon," tarryn tells her and dany looks up.

she inquires, "where?" while tilting her head to the side and furrowing her eyebrows, and tarryn smiles warmly.

"you are learning so many words," she remarks.

"where?" dany asks again, and it takes nearly five minutes of her repeating the word that her grandmother gives in and wraps a blanket around her to protect her from the biting cold of the coming winter, before they're setting off to go next door.

tarryn arrives with the child, her white knitted rabbit clutched in her hand, and the guards part to let her in. she enters the strategy room to find a few of lexa's chiefs and generals, and the sky people staring questioningly at her.

"hey, hey!" dany greets, raising her hand in the air as clarke and lexa begin approaching them.

"she convinced me," is all tarryn says with a grin, as she hands dany to clarke.

lexa sighs at her mother, "i'm sure she did, nomon."

tarryn laughs and waves, "i will be at home," and then she's gone as quickly as she came.

"will your generals mind?" clarke asks.

lexa shakes her head and gives her a small smile, "they will not."

.

when all of the generals and chiefs are finally present, and when they have all given the sky people a look of distrust or some sort of grunt to show their distaste for their presence, they look to their heda and the sky princess with the rumoured goufa that they are raising.

luna, the chief of the boat clan, with her long flowing hair and inquisitive eyes, gives the child a warm smile along with a wink, but her general, harvi, narrows his eyes.

"heda, yu yongon..?" he asks, gesturing to the child who raises her eyebrow at him.

lexa tilts her chin up, "dany will be quiet," she turns to her daughter, "quiet, sha?"

dany blinks at her and nods. then she looks to harvi, and repeats, "quiet."

he seems surprised, but a smile passes over his face and he nods, "very well."

minutes later, she asks to be put down just before they officially begin the meeting and dany perches herself on lexa's throne and hugs her white rabbit. she keeps her promise, she's quiet throughout the meeting, even when it is obvious that everyone standing around the table are beginning to get frustrated.

(her curious eyes find clarke and lexa's throughout the meetings, and dany's bright beams leave them with less stress in their minds and light smiles on their faces.)

Chapter Text

now i'm falling down, through the crashing sound / and you've come around, at the curtains of the waterfall / and you rushed to me, and it sets us free / so i fall to my knees, at the curtains of the waterfall / so say geronimo, say geronimo - geronimo, sheppard.

.

"this alliance is based on trade, each chief and general present here are representatives of the clans and the goods they will be able to offer you," the commander proclaims, her eyes on the sky people to her right. her chiefs and their respective generals are eyeing them warily in the strategy room, but they regard clarke with nothing short of grudging respect for eliminating their biggest threat. she is standing next to lexa, her chin tilted high in confidence and she listens carefully to each chief who explains their terms.

(the phrase 'power couple' comes to raven's mind as she eyes the two of them, along with octavia.)

luna is the only chief who smiles at the sky people, and she explains, "we provide fish, as well other food from the sea. and you may have that, however, there is a growing trend among my people," she sighs deeply. "some of them cannot eat seafood, others die, we think your medical technology can help us."

abby nods, the source of their problem was a common one back in the ark, "of course, we can share our knowledge about allergies and even learn about them with you."

"very good," luna beams. it seems that she is finished, but she continues when harvi, her general, nudges her gently. "oh, another thing. your people have been welcomed in my village from where they have crashed nearby, and harvi here would be very happy if you did not force them to come back to your camp. he is quite taken with one of yours." in the corner of luna's eyes, clarke smiles softly, and the boat clan chief gives her a wink. harvi lets out a grunt and rolls his eyes, trying to pretend he is apathetic to the current conversation.

"i'm sure that won't be a problem," kane reassures with a nod.

that seems to be the trend between all of the clans, they need the technology that the sky people have, thanks to their advancement and to the equipment they have in the mountain, and the sky people need their goods, like food and cattle, as well as knowledge on how to keep themselves running efficiently on the ground.

however, tensions rise when one of the generals voice out the worries they all seem to have in mind. he is old, not younger than fifty years old, but he stands tall and strong and his voice is deep, when he inquires, "what of mount weather's weapons?"

a quiet murmur breaks out around the table, and another general asks, "yes, what about the missiles and bombs?"

kane stands as the peacekeeper, but the generals do not calm down, not even when he says, "i'm sure we will have no use for them."

they do quieten down, when their heda calls out, "shop of!"

a hush falls on all of them, and for a moment, only the quiet mumbled singing of the child perched on the heda's throne is heard, and even that stops when dany registers the sudden silence. she looks up and her green eyes widen slightly at the adults around the table, but she is quickly reassured by lexa when she turns around and gives her a soft smile.

"getting rid of them will probably be more harmful than leaving them where they are," clarke announces, and the attention moves from the child to the sky princess. "we might need them, for dealing with paunas and other similar things here on the ground."

"clarke is right," lexa adds, "we are not the only allied clans, there are other dangers nearby, other clans with bigger armies. they will come useful should we face another war."

abby agrees with a nod, "who says there is only one like mount weather? there could be more."

the generals and chiefs mull over this possibility, and eventually they all decide that is better to have these weapons in their possession, than not.

the southern clan chief, kaito, a skinny man with ginger hair and freckles on his cheeks, huffs out, "how do we know you will not use them against us?"

"we will be allies," abby narrows her eyes. "why would we do that?"

kaito simply shrugs his shoulders. "who knows. you are more like maunon than like us."

it is clarke who speaks up, "then i suppose you better be nice to us, huh?"

kaito blinks his eyes at the sky princess, but he nods his head. "we have oranges. that is nice, yes?"

clarke fights back a smile at his unexpected response, and lexa places her hand over her mouth, trying to disguise the sudden laughter that bubbles up in her throat as a cough. clarke then nods, "oranges are nice."

(lexa tells her much later about each of her generals and their odd little quirks. "kaito is much like a child, his attention span is no more than five seconds. i know not how they chose him to be chief," the commander explains, followed by a sigh. "perhaps it is their impure bloodline that makes his personality.. unique."

"impure?" clarke inquires.

"they marry within their family, clarke. it is a strange custom.")

.

"you said some of our people are in your village," abby says, her eyes on luna and harvi. "some of them will probably want to be with us."

harvi frowns when luna answers, "of course. we can arrange trips to camp jaha soon."

"we can to do that, too," kaito and other generals around him nod in agreement. "we have some of your people, they say they are from mecha station of your ark," he elaborates.

"more engineers," raven mutters quietly next to abby. she speaks a little bit louder, "how about this, we can give you radios to give to them, so we can make contact. they'll know how to work them."

"that's a good idea." clarke suggests, "we'll be able to monitor raids and other things with each other, it'll be faster than sending a messenger on a horse."

she earns enthusiastic nods from almost everyone at the table, and the commander declares, "then it is settled. skaikru is the thirteenth clan within the new alliance."

lexa hears soft footsteps behind her, and then a little arm curling around her leg. "mama," she looks down at the child who is beaming up at her. "sanch," dany requests.

"we're almost finished, goufa," lexa murmurs softly, and clarke crouches down to lift her up and fix the blanket over her little shoulders.

"you need a bath, you're still in your pyjamas," clarke kisses her cheek and dany giggles.

"bath, bath, bath!"

.

"you guys can stay for another few days," clarke tells the sky people when their meeting is adjourned, with promises to meet again in a few days to finalise a few details, along with the trips to camp jaha. clarke glances at the commander as if asking for her to agree, and lexa nods her head slightly, "i want to take you guys to the beach."

raven fist pumps, "yes!"

octavia laughs next to her, "you are literally only here for the food and the beach."

"well, what other reason have i got to live for?"

.

kane takes derek with him to go explore polis, along with octavia, lincoln, raven and bellamy, while the chancellor opts to stay with her daughter.

dany is quite taken with her new gran, and they're sitting on a patch of grass outside, near the centre of the capitol when the child crawls onto abby's lap. clarke and lexa are watching them from where they're sat next to each other across abby, and they watch quietly as dany looks up and touches abby's chin.

"hi there," abby greets, looking down at her.

up to this point, the child has only communicated with words, repeated from her mamas and the people around her, but abby is the one who receives dany's first sentence. "yu laik ai gran." the child says with pauses in between each word, grinning proudly.

clarke is mirroring her grin, and she kind of wants to parade dany around polis because her baby is growing up, look.

lexa is smiling too, and she translates for abby, "she is saying that you are her grandmother."

"i suppose i am," abby chuckles, leaving a kiss on top dany's head.

dany responds with a serious expression on her face, "good."

(her family is growing, she's taking each person that's introduced to her and keeping them in her heart. no one else can deny that they have done the same thing with the child, who somehow has the the commander's eyes and clarke's infectious smile.)

.

when raven and octavia find them later, dany moves to octavia's lap and she sits still when octavia begins to braid her hair.

dany tries to pay attention too, when raven picks flowers nearby and begins making a flower crown, and shows her how to create one of her own.

(dany follows her instructions as hard as she can, but her flower crown falls apart when she holds it up and she lets out a whimper. clarke kisses the tip of her nose and reassures her, "it's okay, we can try again.")

dany is delighted when raven deems her worthy enough of the crown made of daisies and places it on her head, just after octavia declares that she's done with her hair.

"you look beautiful, strikon," lexa tells her, and dany crawls over to her and kisses her chin.

(she looks nothing like the commander covered in dirt and the blood of her enemies months ago, and raven and octavia watch lexa kiss the top of the child's head and wonder if this is how clarke managed to fall in love with her.)

.

dany is fond of abby, and she prefers to hold her hand when lexa and clarke are leading them to the beach the next day.

she's pointing at random things they pass around the streets of polis, while calling out, "look!"

"what's that?" abby asks and her shoulders shake with laughter, when the child shrugs and makes a noncommittal noise before she moves on to the next thing that catches her eye.

(at some point, she points to a small herd of ducks and she shrieks excitedly.

abby asks her, "what are those?"

when the child looks at her and doesn't offer an answer, bellamy loudly whispers, "ducks."

dany beams at the young man with her favourite hair, and she repeats, "ducks!")

clarke and lexa are walking ahead of them, their hands brushing, and they're listening to dany's antics.

"they like her," clarke murmurs happily.

lexa laughs quietly, "they love her, clarke."

.

"here it is," clarke declares, she opens her arms and breathes in the salty air. the stretch of sand and sea are before her, and it takes four seconds of silence before octavia is shrieking in excitement and runs to the water, followed closely by raven. dany copies them and her little legs run and she trails behind them, shrieking just as loud. it doesn't take long before bellamy and lincoln are following them, smiling and shaking their heads, and clarke tugs lexa towards the water.

abby is left standing with kane, and he asks, "do you think this alliance will help us, really and truly?"

she's watching clarke and dany splash around and play by the water, and clarke lifts the child up in her arms and gets closer to lexa. the usually stoic commander is beaming from ear to ear, and she leans in and begins peppering kisses on the child's face.

dany's giggles are loud and abby forgets for a bit that she has been fighting for their survival since her husband died, and she looks at kane and smiles, "i think it will be good for all of us."

.

(clarke does not forget, all of the things she has done and the people she has lost to achieve this sort of happiness she currently has. she does not forget argos, the mountain men, dante, finn, wells, her dad, she still sees them in her dreams.

they are not haunting her, however, they are only passing memories that get replaced with lexa's smile or dany's eyes, or sometimes even her mother's face.

clarke does not forget, she never will, but her family helps her forgive herself, and they offer the bliss that she has been searching for, for so long.)

.

when the sun is setting, and dany is shivering and sniffling from the sudden cold breeze that the night is introducing, lexa invites the sky people to have dinner at the commander's home. "after the mountain, there is much i have to do to earn your trust again," she explains when octavia asks why. she's soaked, from head to toe after being splashed by clarke, who is equally just as drenched. there's sand her clothes and on her skin, and her face is free of the mask she wears as heda.

(lexa looks just like them, she looks like someone who lost her innocence in order to survive, just like them.)

"you won't need to worry about the food being poisoned, because i'm cooking it," clarke adds, smiling proudly. she watches her mother's surprised reaction, as well as octavia, bellamy and raven's.

she watches their shocked expressions when lexa jokes, "i think we need to be even more worried since you are cooking for us, clarke."

"hey!" clarke's jaw falls open, and she shoves the smirking commander playfully.

("did the commander just make a joke?" raven whispers to octavia, who is apparently confused about the commander having human qualities, as they watch clarke and lexa.

a wide-eyed octavia whispers back, "she can flirt?")

"when did you learn how to cook?" abby asks her daughter, when they're walking away from the beach. lexa is ahead of them, with dany in her arms and clarke's jacket wrapped around the child.

clarke answers, "a few weeks ago, i think. lexa's mom taught me." she looks at abby who is staring at her with an almost crestfallen expression. "what?"

"these are things i'm supposed to be teaching you, not someone else's mother," abby mutters quietly.

she takes abby's hand and squeezes it with her own, "you taught me how to survive, how to lead," and clarke can almost see the train of thought that seems to be passing in her mind. she has them too, ever since she got dany, those little doubts of whether she's doing the right thing, those little doubts that come with motherhood. clarke smiles, and she adds, "i'll teach you how to cook, lexa says i'm amazing."

and abby laughs, with tears in her eyes, and she says, "i have no doubt you are."

.

kane and derek were apparently too tired for dinner with the commander, so it is only abby, raven and bellamy, along with lincoln and octavia who show up about an hour later.

dany is the one who is first to pop out of the kitchen when the stationed guards let them into the commander's home. she is dressed in dry clothes now, and there's a delicious scent wafting in the house. dany beams and tugs them further inside the house and towards the main room, where her toy box sits. she opens it and begins digging out her toys, babbling childishly about them and handing them to her guests.

"hir, yu bol," dany says as she places a small red ball into raven's hands. she approaches lincoln and gives him some wooden blocks, she looks up at this new, tall man before glancing at the blocks in his hands, "hey hey, say chof."

lincoln laughs, "mochof," just as clarke and lexa emerge from the kitchen, with aprons tied around their necks.

(it's so domestic, a far cry from the life back in camp jaha, where everyone is wrapped in a routine, in their respective jobs. it's a necessary cycle, a niche, and none of them can leave and disappear and find a better life just as easily as clarke did.

none of them bear the weight of the fallen mountain on their shoulders, as well as the death of the boy she loved, none of them have the scars of a girl who grew up too quickly and became a leader and took on dangers beyond their imagination, so they'll never need to.)

"hi," clarke greets with a smile as she steps into the main room, with the commander trailing behind her. "you guys hungry?"

"starving," bellamy grins.

(they get to watch clarke and lexa together in the kitchen, bumping hips and working like a well-oiled machine in preparing food. dany is the one who perches herself at the head of the dining table, sitting on a stack of books so she can reach everything, and she grins as if this dinner is called in her honour.)

.

"hey, commander, where's your mom?" raven asks, when she's gotten the courage to address lexa.

"com-an-duh!" dany echoes, standing on her chair.

lexa helps the child settle back down before she responds, "she's currently out for tonight, i'm sure she would love to meet you soon."

.

when dany's in her pyjamas and she's sitting on her mamas' bed, too stubborn to be put to sleep in her own crib, clarke asks her while pointing to lexa, "hey, dany, what is her name?" the commander pauses from changing into her sleepwear, a simple white shirt and loose shorts that fall just above her knees, and she looks at clarke curiously.

the child mirrors her, with a much more confused expression. "mama?"

"yes, but i'm mama clarke," the blonde places her hand on her chest, and then she points to lexa again, "what is her name? mama..?"

dany flicks her eyes between them, unsure of what exactly she's being asked, before she shrugs.

clarke continues, "can you say lexa?" dany blinks tiredly at her, and then she yawns. "lex-ah, just say it."

"clarke," the commander laughs lightly, "she is exhausted."

"she never says anything i try to make her say," clarke frowns before taking dany into her arms and slowly swaying her.

when lexa finishes getting dressed, she frees her hair from her braids and steps closer to them, pressing a light kiss on the sleepy child's face. "try again tomorrow," she whispers.

.

the next morning, a guard walks in holding a basket with its top covered with a white cloth, just as clarke is helping dany with her breakfast and lexa . "disha kom krista, heda," he says, "this is from krista, commander."

lexa nods and takes the basket from him, before dismissing him and setting the basket on the floor.

"what?" dany asks, squirming off clarke's lap and padding over, her eyes on this new, mysterious basket.

"your clothes we got from the tailor," lexa replies to her incomplete question, pulling away the covering and revealing folded clothes specifically fitted for dany. she watches dany's hands go for the new brown boots, made of thick leather and fur, with white painted laces.

"ooh," the child says.

clarke crouches next to them, "these are all hers?" lexa nods in response, and dany falls on her butt on the floor and tries to place the left boot on her right foot, and clarke chuckles, "wrong way around."

dany whines, a noise that indicates her difficulty, before she raises her foot in the air and says, "mama lexa, help."

.

("see, clarke, she does listen to you."

"heeelp!")

.

there is a full moon on the night before her birthday, and dany wakes in the middle of the night to hear a wolf howling. she sits up in her crib and looks around the dim room, and her throat is dry and she calls out to the two intertwined bodies on the bed, "mama."

lexa is the one who gets up and lifts dany in her arms before settling back into bed with clarke.

her wolves can wait, dany is only turning two tomorrow, she has her whole life to answer their call.

(dany has her whole life to fulfill the prophecy she can feel in her bones, the one that has been built around her before she even came into existence into this world.)

.

the sky people finally meet tarryn when clarke fetches them from the inn and takes them to the commander's home.

"it's dany's second birthday," she mentions as she leads them to the stone path towards the front door.

they find dany with a red ball in her hands and a woman around abby's age, with her dark hair tied up in a bun on top of her head and wrinkles at the edges of her eyes, kneeling down on the floor next to the child.

"look, ball!" dany calls out, before tossing the ball and watching it bounce towards lincoln's feet. he smiles before picking it up and bouncing it, higher than dany can, and she watches in amazement as tarryn stands.

"mounin," she greets warmly, "welcome."

"this is lexa's mom, tarryn," clarke tells them, and she watches raven's eyes widen, no doubt beginning to pick the features on her face that resemble the commander's.

lexa enters the room, and she notes, "she baked a big cake."

"dany helped," tarryn adds.

"cake!" dany yells from where she is now standing on one of the chairs. clarke is automatically moving next to her, holding on to dany to make sure she doesn't fall.

tarryn grins her signature mischievous grin. "i would have had clarke bake it but she was busy this morning," she remarks, winking at lexa, who rolls her eyes and avoids eye contact with anyone while clarke becomes flustered and pretends to become very interested in dany's babbling.

(raven and octavia share a glance with each other, and they both decide that they like this woman very much.

abby is fond of her too, especially when they both have a little too much wine later on that night and start sharing embarrassing stories of clarke and lexa when they were children.)

.

"it's skaikru tradition," octavia says to the child when she sticks candles on top of dany's cake and lights the wick with a match that bellamy provides. "you're supposed to make a wish before you blow them out."

they're standing around the table with a large cake decorated with white and blue icing sitting in front of dany.

(tarryn tells them, "i found the recipe from a book of the old world, that is amazing, sha?")

dany looks up at octavia, confused as to why she would do that, along with tarryn, lincoln and lexa. "why?" the child asks.

octavia shrugs. "because," is the only explanation she offers.

and when the sky people start singing 'happy birthday' to dany, she beams excitedly and claps her hands, while lincoln, lexa and tarryn look around, amused that all of the sky people seem to know this song, and confused because all of them know the song.

dany is standing on the chair, in between clarke and lexa who are standing next to her. she looks around happily at everyone present for what is undoubtedly the best day of her life so far.

"habotei, strikon," lexa smiles.

clarke kisses dany's temple, "happy birthday."

they finish the song and octavia reminds her to make a wish, and she yells out, "cake!" before huffing and blowing out the candles. and everyone cheers around her, and she claps delightedly along with them.

(dany gets her hand in the cake and smears icing on lexa's face, she giggles, "oops."

lexa takes the child's hand and makes her touch clarke's chin.

clarke glares playfully at them, and lexa echoes dany with a smirk, "oops.")

dany ends up eating nearly two slices of cake, and it impresses the hell out of bellamy, who is sitting in the main room with clarke and dany, along with lincoln and lexa.

"you ate all of that?" he marvels, his jaw slightly open in wonderment.

she grins up at him, "sha." dany's currently sprawled out on the couch next to him, her plate abandoned on the coffee table. "too much," she mumbles, frowning at how heavy her body seems to feel at the moment.

bellamy gently pokes her stomach, "how does it fit in there?"

dany lets out a noise, a high-pitched whine that sounds a lot like 'i dunno'. she shrugs her shoulders and looks up, reaching for lexa. "mama, up."

"yu gaf mou in, strikon?" the commander asks, "you want more, little one?" she's chuckling slightly and the child groans in response as she rests her chin on her shoulder. lexa kisses her head, "habotei," she repeats.

and clarke is watching lexa sway, lulling the child into that bliss that falls between being awake and being asleep, and there's a smile that's on her face before she can stop it.

bellamy nudges her and whispers, "you're staring." clarke glances at him and there's a smirk on his face when he continues, "'smitten' is an understatement if i had to describe you, right now."

she elbows his side and catches lincoln and lexa's attention when bellamy yelps, before bursting out in laughter.

.

that night, clarke watches as lexa whispers something to dany and the child jumps on the bed, hopped up on sweets that tarryn gave her, and she happily announces, "mama, ai hod yu in!"

"what does that mean?" clarke asks, her eyebrow raising curiously.

"i love you," lexa responds, her eyes twinkling and she has a smile on her face that's only reserved for clarke and dany.

clarke mouth falls open and she murmurs quietly, "say it again."

"ai hod yu in!" dany squeals, before collapsing on the bed, exhausted from jumping.

"i love you, clarke."

.

later, when dany is asleep between them on their bed, clarke whispers in the dark, "ai hod yu in, too."

lexa takes her hand and kisses her palm. "i love you," she whispers back.

clarke smiles into her pillow, "tell me again tomorrow."

"i will tell you everyday," lexa replies quietly.

"everyday sounds good."

.

(they haven't really talked of what exactly they are, but clarke knows lexa is hers as much as she is lexa's, and the little child murmuring quietly in her sleep is theirs.)

.

the alliance is finalised the next day, and trade is arranged for camp jaha, along with more trips to the other clan's villages so sky people can retrieve their other people.

"visiting won't hurt," luna smiles, eager to learn about the sky people's culture as well as for them to learn hers.

(when the meeting ends, luna corners clarke and lexa and she congratulates them, "you are a very cute family," she winks.

later, when clarke makes a comment about how she seems close to lexa, the commander laughs, "she's closer to anya, they are cousins, i think."

"really?"

"yes, anya's father was of the boat clan, but he lived among my people when he met anya's mother."

clarke notes, "so everyone is sort of mixed?"

lexa smiles softly at her, "look at us clarke," she gestures at herself and dany, "we are a very mixed family."

the blonde laughs and tries to imitate luna's accent, "we are a very cute, mixed family.")

.

(the skai prisa, the trigedakru heda and the little child born of parents from azgedakru but raised as one of ronwekru, a mixed family indeed.)

.

"you're coming back with us, right?" bellamy whispers, when he leans into clarke. they're walking towards the gates of polis, watching lexa ahead of them, who is arranging for their horses so they can return to camp jaha.

"not today," clarke responds, with dany hugging her leg. "someday," she promises. "i'll bring dany with me so the rest of of our friends can meet her."

bellamy grins, looking down at the child, and he echoes what lexa had said to her a few days ago, "they'll love her."

a little while later, when they're standing at the gates of polis, waiting for the horses, raven approaches clarke and says, "since you're gonna stay here," she hands her a small radio, "you can use this to keep in contact with us." she shows clarke how to turn it on and it cackles to life. "just call for camp jaha, at this frequency," she fiddles with the dial before she continues, "when monty finishes making the radios with the camera and screens, we'll send those along with a few solar paneled generators-"

"speaking of cameras," clarke interrupts, as she digs out monty's camera from her pocket, "tell him to make copies of some of the pictures for me when he gets that printer working. he'll know which ones."

raven examines the small device before nodding and shoving it into her pocket. she hugs clarke, "we better see you soon."

when raven pulls away, clarke doesn't have time to recover before she's being engulfed in another set of arms. "what she said," octavia mutters with a smile.

clarke laughs and nods, and soon bellamy and lincoln are giving her hugs and their best wishes too.

dany, not wanting to be left out, raises her arms in the air and calls out, "hey, hey!"

"you too?" octavia laughs, crouching down to hug her. "see you soon, squirt."

.

("mama, i'm a squirt." dany announces with a wide grin when octavia lets her go.

clarke laughs, "how do you feel about that?"

she watches her daughter stare up at her before simply shrugging and hopping over to raven to poke her leg brace.)

.

when the horses are ready and their saddles are being adjusted, abby kisses clarke's head and then both of dany's cheeks, and she nods at lexa, "take care of them," she tells the commander.

lexa nods softly, "you have my word that they will be safe with me."

abby wraps her arms around her daughter, and she murmurs, "come to camp jaha soon?"

"sure, mom," clarke grins.

"leida, gran!" dany yells out, pressing herself against abby's leg.

they watch the sky people leave through the gates of polis, on top of horses, and dany takes clarke and lexa's hands in hers and tugs, "houm, mama," she yawns.

"someone needs to nap," lexa laughs as she looks down at their daughter, "okay, okay, let's go home."

clarke nods, and she laughs, too.

she is already home.

.

"oh, yeah, i nearly forgot." raven takes out a small device from her jacket pocket and tosses it at monty, who catches it in his hands expertly. "clarke says you have to make extra copies of some of the pictures. she was pretty vague about which ones, apparently you'll know," she shrugs.

monty wastes no time in plugging in the camera into the computer he's sitting at, and when he opens up the file containing the pictures, he freezes, "whoa."

raven sits next to him and looks at the screen, "what?" she asks.

in front of them is a picture of clarke and lexa, surrounded by sand. the commander is smiling widely, her eyes are closed, and clarke is leaning in, wind blowing blonde hair on her face, and she's kissing lexa's cheek. monty presses a button on the keyboard, and a picture of a sleeping dany pops up, her hair in a messy ponytail and she has a blanket on her stomach, there's drool on her chin and an arm around her white knitted rabbit.

monty asks, "who the hell is that?"

raven smirks, "let me tell you about this kid. her name is dany.."