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It’s been about a month since Chan left his shared apartment with Hyunjin. Everyday since then, he wants so badly to go back to the apartment and hold Hyunjin in his arms as he apologizes to him for leaving. It was hard not to call him either, they had only agreed to text one another every once in a while.
Today, the urge to see Hyunjin has been really, really strong. He misses having the younger male in his arms and being able to kiss him. Chan understands why being away from the other is the best thing to do right now… at least he hopes so.
“You look like a kicked puppy,” Minho says the second he walks into his living room.
Chan looks up at the younger one from the couch, softly glaring at him. “I miss Hyunjin,” he mutters.
“I know, that’s all you’ve said for the past month,” the purple haired male teases, smirking a little.
Chan runs a hand through his blue hair, sighing. “I need to go see him.”
A frown forms on Minho’s face, concerned for his best friend's relationship with his boyfriend. “Do you think that’s a good idea?” he asks, brow raised.
“Of course not but I need to, Minho,” Chan says. The youngest of the two can hear the desperation in the eldest voice. The blue haired male sighs out, closing his eyes and leaning his head back on the couch. “I’m going to go see him.”
“As much as I want to stop you, I know anything I say will not hold you back from going to see him. Plus, it’s your life. If you need to see him, go for it I guess,” Minho pauses to take a sip of his drink that he had in his hand the moment he walked into the room, “I’ll support you no matter what.”
Chan opens his eyes to look at the purple haired male as he smiles. “Thank you, I really appreciate it.”
A small smile makes its way on Minho's face, “Of course, that’s what friends are for… now go see your boy.”
The smile on Chan’s face grows as he starts to get up off the couch and head towards the front door. “I’ll text or call you about everything after I see him, alright?”
“Okay, be safe.”
“I will,” the oldest replies, slipping his shoes on. “See you in a bit.”
“See you later,” Minho calls out as the door behind Chan starts to shut.
Each step the blue haired male takes toward the direction of the apartment building, the more his nervousness grows. Chan honestly couldn’t tell if seeing Hyunjin would be a good or bad thing, there’s so many different scenarios that could happen. Chan doesn’t know how to prepare for any of the ones he could think of.
He pulls out his phone, thinking of sending Hyunjin a text, before he stops himself. “This should be a surprise,” he mumbles to himself, stuffing his phone back into his pocket.
Chan is finally standing in front of the main doors of the apartment building. He pushes a door open and takes a step inside. He waves to the ladies at the front desk as he makes his way to the elevator.
As he gets into the elevator, he can feel himself starting to become excited. He’s still really nervous, of course, but he cannot wait to see Hyunjin again. Chan presses the button with the number four on it, the elevator doors close shut and begins to move up.
The elevator dings and Chan steps out of it the second the doors slide open. He’s only 15 steps away from seeing Hyunjin again, from seeing his boy, his love. The feeling of wishing to take things slowly bottle up inside the blue haired male once again. Chan knows they had moved way too fast in their relationship and at times he does wish they had gone slower. Of course Chan didn’t like the past few months of their relationship but that doesn’t mean Chan never stopped loving Hyunjin.
A shaky hand reaches for the apartment door. Chan takes a couple breaths in and slowly lets them out to calm his nerves down. He hesitantly opens the door and steps inside.
Out of everything he expected to see, this site wasn’t one. There’s empty take out containers on their coffee table, pillows on the couch from their bed, and few covers on the floor. Chan stares at it all with a little bit of shock and worry. There’s no Hyunjin in the room.
Quietly, Chan shuts the door behind him and slips off his shoes, placing them on the floor nicely. He walks over to the kitchen entrance, not seeing the younger male there either. His gaze then moves over to the hallway. Their bedroom door is open and the light is on. Chan stops himself from calling out Hyunjin’s name, still not wanting the other one to know he is there.
Chan starts making his way toward the bedroom, with each step he took, he could hear muffled sobs grow louder. He knows exactly who the sobs are coming from and knowing that it’s Hyunjin makes his heart break a little.
His heart breaks more the second his eyes land on his boyfriend. Hyunjin has his head buried in his knees, crying into them and his hands over his ears as he’s sitting on the floor, at the foot of their bed. The elder notices that Hyunin is in one of many of Chan’s hoodie and sweatpants outfits. His eyes fall onto the items to the right of Hyunjin. There’s a baggie of weed, a lighter, an ashtray, and a half smoked blunt. Chan’s chest aches at the scene in front of him.
Chan makes his way over to the younger male, sitting in front of him on the floor. He lightly places his hands on Hyunjin’s hands, moving them away from his ears to hold them. Hyunjin jumps a little and looks up at the elder, eyes bloodshot and teary.
“Chan?” he whispers, voice hoarse from crying.
“Yes darling, it’s me,” Chan whispers back.
Hyunjin pulls his hands away from Chan’s, instantly tackling the older male in a hug. A loud sob leaves his plush lips and he mutters out, “I’m s-so, so sorry. I-I tried , I’ve been trying , I’m so s-sorry, Chan.” The younger squeezes the blue haired male tighter.
Chan hushes him as he rubs Hyunjin’s back. “You’re okay,” he whispers in a soft tone.
“But I’m not !” Hyunjin softly yells out as he pulls back some to look at Chan. “I was only clean for a week before I-I fucked up again! I let my feelings and addiction take over and I lied to y-you every time you asked me if I were okay and I’m r-really sorry for that, Chan. I-I thought I could handle this without you being here but I can’t. ” Hyunjin bites down on his lip to stop another sob from escaping.
Chan frowns as he pushes a few strands of now red hair out of Hyunjin’s face. “I’m sorry for leaving you, this is all my fault,” he says.
Hyunjin’s plush lips form into a frown and he shakes his head. “No, it’s my fault for letting addiction control me. You don’t deserve a boyfriend like me,” he says, his words fading to a whisper at the end.
The frown Chan’s face deepens some. “Hyunjin, you are a good boyfriend. Just because you made some mistakes doesn’t make you a bad boyfriend. We can work on making those mistakes better, okay?” Chan leans in and places a small kiss on Hyunjin’s forehead.
Chan wipes away Hyunjin’s tears away as the younger male asks, “You’re going to help me?”
“Of course, baby,” Chan pauses and looks at the items beside Hyunjin, “We should start by throwing these away.”
A shaky breath leaves Hyunjin’s lips and he nods, “Yes, let’s do that.”
Chan goes to stand up, pulling the red-haired male up with him. He watches as Hyunjin picks up the baggie, the blunt, and the lighter, leaving the ashtray there. The two males head out the room and into the kitchen together. The eldest notices the way Hyunjin’s hands shake as he throws the items away.
“There,” Hyunjin whispers, looking at the trash can with an emotion Chan can’t read.
The older male pecks the other males cheek with a kiss and says, “I’m so proud of you.”
Their eyes meet and Hyunjin smiles, “Thank you.”
“Now let me burn some candles to make the place smell better and let’s clean, alright?” Chan says.
Hyunjin nods, “I’ll start in the living room since it’s the worst.”
“Sounds good to me!” the blue haired male says and then they are off on their own ways to start their tasks.
About an hour into cleaning, they are almost done. Chan’s in the kitchen doing the dishes and Hyunjin is picking up the last bit of trash in the living room. They were both swaying and head bopping to the music Chan had put on a little while ago.
The familiar tune of Slow Dance in the Dark by Joji begins to play and an idea pops into Chan’s head. He stops what he is doing and wipes his hands off on a towel. He walks into the living room without Hyunjin noticing and dims the lights. The living room is now only lit up by candle light.
Hyunjin looks over at his boyfriend with a raised brow, “What are you doing?”
Chan takes a few steps closer, holding a hand out. “Want to dance with me?” he asks.
The red haired male smiles softly and takes Chan’s hand. “Of course I do,” he replies.
The elder pulls their bodies closer and they begin to sway to the song. Hyunjin has his chin resting on Chan’s head and Chan’s head resting on Hyunjin’s chest.
In some ways Chan resonates with some of the lyrics to the song, especially about the parts of their relationship failing in some ways but he knows Hyunjin loves him. Whereas in the song, the male doesn’t feel like his partner loves him in return. Chan is glad that their relationship is not like that. Hopefully the two males will be able to patch up the mistakes, and go back to how they were before or even better.
Chan pulls away from the younger one, just a little bit, and places each hand on the sides of Hyunjin’s face. Hyunjin wraps his arms a little tighter around Chan’s waist. For a few seconds, they both stare lovingly at each, caught up in the other's beauty under the candle light.
At the same time, they lean in for a kiss.
For some reason, he feels like he’s kissing Hyunjin for the first time again. His heart skips a beat and he feels weak in the knees. Chan’s hands move to the younger males shoulder, squeezing them hard to keep himself standing.
Hyunjin pulls away, giggling as he watches Chan chase his lips. “Missed kissing me that much?” he teases.
Chan’s cheeks flush pink. Oh how he feels like the way he did the night Hyunjin came up to him. It’s such a good feeling. “Maybe a little bit,” he whispers.
Another giggle leaves Hyunjin’s plush lips. “We should get back to cleaning,” he says.
Chan notices that the next song started playing. “We probably should. I need to call Minho as well, he’s probably worried that I haven’t contacted him yet.”
“Then a movie night afterwards?” Hyunjin suggests.
Chan smiles, “Of course.”
“Oh, and Chan?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for staying and being patient with me, and just, being an amazing boyfriend… I love you.”
The smile on Chan’s face widens, “I love you too, darling.”