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"Thank you, Silas."
Christophine took the fresh linens and bowl, shooed him on, and walked briskly back to the bedside.
She sat down next to the young man - well, young in her estimation, and in comparison to her fifty-two years - that she had become so very fond of a decade ago, in spite of how he had arrived in Antigua… just jilted, angry, bitter.
She recalled his first weeks, with a shake of her head and a mirthless smile. Young Mr Parker had been hell bent on self destruction - no vice left unexplored.
But Christophine had seen past all that bluster and was glad Mr Lambe had, too, resulting in Mr Lambe putting him to work and taking him under his wing. And that had allowed her the proximity to do the same, treating him as she did her own sons.
So, it had been a welcome surprise for him to reappear just weeks prior. Changed. Wiser… Softer… If a bit somber, she had noted.
However, the charming smile he had given her - the one she had always loved - was every bit the same, or perhaps even more genuine. And the twinkle in his eye when he had wrapped his arms around her and said, "It is so good to see you again, Ms Christophine," had warmed her old heart.
She felt her throat tighten with emotion.
Damn this fever.
She had only begun to wipe his face with the cool cloths when he jerked awake, the sudden stirring bringing on a fit of coughing.
Christophine helped him turn to his side, noting how much thinner he was than just a week ago… when they had thought he would make a recovery. She held a rag up for him to cough into, until the fit subsided.
"Shhh, Mr Sidney," she shushed him soothingly, as she helped him lay back, continuing to wipe the sweat from his brow, even as a shiver rolled over him.
He relaxed into the pillow and opened his eyes, and she watched his vision slowly focus, taking in the room, watching her movements as she tended him, then settling on the ceiling, blinking until his eyes eventually slipped closed.
She thought he might have fallen asleep again, when he whispered, "How much longer?"
Christophine pressed her lips into a tight line and willed away the tears threatening to well up in her eyes before raising them to meet his. She thought carefully, what to say.
"No one knows Mr Sidney. But likely…." She tried to speak, but the words would not come. She shook her head and cleared her throat, trying again as she continued to press the damp cloths to his face. "...likely a few days. I'm surprised you're still speaking, to be truthful. Although, you always have enjoyed showing off your quick wit and sharp tongue."
They both laughed at that and Sidney began to cough, again. Christophine helped him and saw the blood on the cloth she held up for him to cough into. She tried to whisk it away, but saw Sidney's face overcome with realization when his tongue swiped at his lip, the telltale metallic taste making his eyes squeeze shut and a tear escape.
Christophine looked away, but looked back abruptly when she felt Sidney's hand grasp hers. Tears were now rolling down his temples, and he looked at her, his eyes desperate and his grip surprisingly firm.
"I need to send a letter," he managed.
Christophine went over the preparations that Sidney and Mr Lambe's former solicitor had already begun putting into place over the last few days in her mind.
"Not to worry Mr Sidney. All the letters have already been written. Remember?" She tried to reassure him. "Everything is…" Dear Lord, give me strength. "...everything is in order. A letter to your family - Mr Tom Parker. To Mrs Parker." She pushed his hair from his forehead, trying to calm him.
"No. Not to…." His eyes opened to meet hers. Anguished.
He held her gaze and she saw the despair written there. Recognized it, even. Only this was deeper.
He tried to turn away, a sob wracking his body.
Christophine raised their joined hands and hugged his hand to her chest. She leaned in and did her best to help him calm down, knowing full well he did not have the strength to spare.
"Charlotte." He spoke and tried to sit up despite the fact that his body was clearly too weak. "Charlotte Heywood."
Ahhh.
Christophine schooled her expression. Things were becoming clear. His different demeanor. His obvious lack of affection when speaking of the new Mrs Eliza Parker.
Oh, he had played the part well enough when he arrived, sharing the news of his nuptials. But she knew him better than anyone, save Mr Lambe, God rest his soul. And she knew all was not as it seemed, never mind her bewilderment that he was suddenly married to the very woman who had scorned him.
But this….
She pressed him back gently. "Shush now."
He looked up at her and her heart broke at the love there. The longing.
She patted his hand. "It is just you and me." She lowered her voice. "Tell me about this Miss Heywood."
Relief seemed to wash over him.
Christophine wiped the tears away as his eyes closed and he sighed deeply.
It took him a while, between the sheer effort it took to talk and think, and between coughing and the fever and pain. But he told her.
He spoke, his exasperation with himself apparent, about how he and Charlotte had met and how he had treated her so poorly early on. But then she saw joy and fire spark in his eyes when he told her how she had vexed him, succumbing to neither his brutish behavior nor his charm when he had tried to employ it.
Christophine smiled at that, knowing how he relied on his charm.
Then she was gasping in shock when he told her how they had bonded over the rescue of Georgiana. How he had nearly ruined it when Eliza had reappeared. But then, how he had come to his senses, realizing Charlotte was the one who made him better, and made him want to continue to be better. How he liked himself when she was near.
More tears escaped his eyes and he started to reach up.
"Here you are." Christophine wiped them away.
His gaze settled on the ceiling, again.
"I planned to propose."
Christophine's insides dropped, her heart aching for him... them.
And he recounted the remaining harrowing details that ripped them apart.
"I've thought of little else." Sidney raised his hand to run trembling fingers across his brows. "She would chastise me. Admonish me I should be thinking of… of… Eliza. Someone who was never even kind to her."
Christophine waited quietly, allowing him to think things through.
"I never deserved her. But she will be the one I will love forever. Which is now turning out to be an even more cruelly short amount of time than I ever expected."
He squeezed her hand and looked at her hopelessly.
"What should I do? I've considered writing to her every day since… well… but… is it selfish?" A grimace marred his features. "Obviously, I know…" He hesitated. "What if she's moved on? Because she is more deserving of happiness than anyone. It is what I hope for her with everything that I have left in me.
"I just…" He paused, sorrow etching his features. "I never got the opportunity to tell her that I love her. Not in those words. In fact, I've never spoken of it to anyone." He swallowed with difficulty. "And now…"
"Oh, Mr Sidney..." She felt a tear spill onto her cheek. "I am sure she knows."
They were both quiet for several moments.
"It would be unfair, wouldn't it?" Sidney asked.
Christophine smiled ruefully and Sidney nodded almost imperceptibly in understanding.
"Thank you. For everything."
"Of course, Mr Sidney." And she stayed until he fell into a more restful sleep than he had in days.
She knew the peacefulness would not endure, but in that moment, and in the coming days, Christophine was thankful for a certain Miss Charlotte Heywood having shown him the love he deserved, if only for a short time. Love that afforded him comfort. To the very last.