Chapter Text
Lily found James within minutes and he desperately wished she'd leave him to his thoughts, but of course, that wasn't the case.
"Hey!" She chirped, "mind if I sit with you?"
"Sure." James said, looking out the window.
"Thanks, Mary's sitting with her boyfriend and I can't seem to find Marlene anywhere."
"No problem." James cringed, his voice was raw, and if it wasn't already obvious from his face, she'd now know he'd been crying.
"James—"
"Please don't." James groaned.
"I let it go the other day," Lily frowned, "but I'm really worried about you. What's wrong?"
"Nothing!" James's voice cracked.
"James." She crossed her arms, "it's obvious that it's not nothing."
She reached out and squeezed his knee comfortingly, "I'm here for you."
"Someone I really care out is sick." James managed, "and we don't know if they're going to get better, and now I left and I just—I just don't know what to do."
"Oh, James." Lily gasped.
"And Peter's joined the other side," tears were now leaking from James's eyes, "I don't know how I'm going to face him. That rat bastard."
"The other side?" Lily's hand flew to her mouth, "you don't mean—"
James nodded.
"Holy shit!" Lily shrieked. "Peter Pettigrew?"
James lip twitched and Lily immediately grabbed his hand.
"Oh, James, I'm so sorry."
"I just don't understand." James looked away as the tears began to pool in his eyes again. "Merlin, I'm sorry, I'm so sick of crying."
"It's okay to cry." She moved over to his side of the compartment, her own eyes glassy.
"No, no," James shook his head, "I've done enough of that. Now I'm just going to be pissed. How the fuck am I supposed to tell the boys?"
"You're James Potter," Lily said, "you can do anything."
James's knee bounced anxiously and he fidgeted with the band around his ring finger.
"Christmas gift?" Lily asked, gesturing to it, "I've never seen you wear it before the wedding."
"Oh," James fought the urge to hide his hand from view, a blush tingeing his cheek, "yeah. Family heirloom."
Lily nodded, "would it help you more if I'd talked, just sat, or left you alone?"
"Maybe just sit with me?" James said, not moving his gaze from the window.
"Okay," Lily's voice was soft, "I can do that."
The train ride gave James the time to level his head.
He felt like he was finally able to breath, despite the worry of Regulus weighing in his throat.
All his work went to hell, however, when he ran into Peter.
"James!" He smiled at him, "where've you been Mate! Figured you were doing Head duties but I couldn't find you. How was hols?"
James was frozen, his rage grew but so did his panic.
"James?"
James fled.
He ran in a sprint up to the castle, Peter on his heels, calling after him.
McGonagall's office door was closed and James practically threw himself at it, Peter long behind him—he was never a runner.
"Mr. Potter!"
McGonagall's scowl fell as she saw James's face.
"Are you alright?"
"No." James choked out.
"Come in, Mr. Potter," she nodded, opening the door wider to let him through.
The entire conversation took less than five minutes.
McGonagall gave him a piece of parchment and James broke out into a run once again.
"James!"
Peter had gained on him in the time he had spent in the office.
James refused to look over his shoulder or slow down, barreling up the staircase of the Gryffindor dorm.
He made it to his room, pulling the door open and spelling it shut behind him.
"James?" Sirius looked up from the chess match with a frown, "what're you doing? Where's Pete?"
"I've put in a request to get him moved from our dorm." James said seriously leaning on the door, "I need you two to sign it. McGonagall said it had to be unanimous."
"What?" Remus laughed nervously, "why would we do that? James? What's happened?"
James could feel the tears begin to burn in his eyes once again. He hated it.
"James?" Sirius frowned. "You're scaring me. Where's Peter?"
"Peter is one of them." James managed, blinking up at the ceiling. "He's with Voldemort."
"No he's not!" Sirius barked, "Merlin, James, have you lost your mind?"
"No. Sirius, I'm not kidding." James said sternly. "He killed someone. He is not our friend. Hell, I don't even know if he ever was or if it was all some sort of sick joke."
"You're serious?" Remus stared, his lips parted in shock. "James, if this is a joke it's not fucking funny."
"Remus I wish it was." James said. "He's one of them."
"No." Sirius laughed hysterically, "no. He is not. He can't be."
James didn't say anything.
"No!" Sirius threw the chess board across the room, springing to his feet, pacing back in forth. "No. This isn't real."
Remus was frozen in place, staring blankly ahead.
"I'm sorry." James shook his head. "Fuck, I'm so sorry."
The knocking startled all three of them.
"Guys! It's me!" Peters voice came from the other side of the door. "Guys? Hello? Why's the door locked? Let me in."
"Fuck, what do we do?" James panicked, staring at the wood.
"I'm going to kill him." Remus said in a scarily calm voice. He walked to the door and opened it.
"Hey." Peter smiled, moving to step inside.
Remus blocked him.
"Moony?"
"How was Australia, Pete?" Remus said through gritted teeth.
"Oh, brilliant," Peter said quickly, "why aren't you letting me inside?"
"Yeah? Trip was good?" Remus smiled cruelly, "you know we were all worried about you, with the volcano eruption and everything. You were staying in Ottawa, you said? How'd you get away?"
"Oh!" Peter's eyes widened, "the eruption! Yeah, thank goodness we were on a day trip several hours away from Ottawa when it happened! Dad keeps saying how lucky we were!"
Remus's lips twitched.
Sirius and James couldn't drag their eyes away. This was not good.
"There wasn't an eruption, Pete." Remus smiled, "and Ottawa is in Canada."
Peter's smile faded and his face turned white.
"Get the fuck out of my face, Rat." Remus spat. "This is no longer your room, do not speak to us. Do not look at us, go rot in fucking hell."
"Remus?" Peter's eyes widened. "Pads? Prongs?"
Remus raised his wand, Peter was knocked back.
With a shake of his head, Remus closed the door.