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For all of the things Childe expected out of being a married man, there are plenty of things he would have never expected to knock him out right off his feet. He is a Harbinger, Vanguard of the Tsaritsa. He is supposed to be the unpredictable one, capable of anticipating most things. And yet—
The first time he encountered Zhongli in a more feminine form had him distracted for weeks. There hadn’t been much difference at all, her curves and build still remain the same, her pectoral muscles simply changing to a slightly different softness, and she still had kept that damnably delicious dick. Sure, part of it had been the reminder that he is married to a shapeshifting adeptus, and its possible applications, but still! It’s unfair!
But that was the worst of the surprises. Everything else has been so much better.
Sure, she has no idea how to balance a budget, being so used to generating mora with a thought. They have had to sort through her things, figuring out what to store and what to bring into their new home as they clear out Zhongli’s adeptus outrealm. Occasionally, she has to be dragged out of a labyrinth of memories, melancholy too great for her to shake out of on her own, but turning them into expeditions have made for delightful dates for the two of them.
Sometimes, there are very inhuman things about her, like her stamina, and her reduced need for sleep. On the days she has to make up for it, Zhongli has to feign human issues like a cold, to spend days at home curled up asleep, preferably with Childe holding her, or her holding him like a stuffed toy.
Childe hadn’t expected the strange, giddy bubbling feeling in his chest the first time she had said ‘her husband.’ Perhaps because he knows she means it. Until death do them part, through thick and thin, they will be husband and spouse.
Or the temptation to grin like an idiot when he comes home from a long mission to find a tidy house and the materials for dinner all prepared so he can cook, with the dishes being done as he works. It’s a lot better than coming home to an empty apartment gathering dust, without the warmth of someone waiting. There are things he doesn’t have to worry about with her there, and they can spoil each other.
There are so many benefits to all of this that he’s starting to understand why people talk about marriage as if it is something sacred, instead of just transactional.
Then there’s how going out and about makes him feel more manly, to preen and grin with his wife on his arm as they walk about the city and beyond. There have been times where he has been able to take her to Inazuma, to Fontaine, dressing her up in shining colors. Other instances, she has been the one dressing him up, emphasizing him as her treasure. They cherish each other in a way that makes him approach things with just a bit more care. There’s no fun in recovering when you have a very disappointed spouse threatening to sit on you in an attempt to keep you still.
Zhongli is a grounding force, a place where he can perch before soaring off to continue his conquest. He practically has the ideal life here, providing for his siblings and having a lovely spouse that keeps him on his toes, with people being so foolish to underestimate him because he just so to be happens the one who gets fucked regularly, with him contentedly sitting on her cock? It doesn’t change the fact that it has taken a former Archon’s might to do so. Nothing less than the best can hold him. In return, he will be the best for her.
And part of that is making the best family they can. After all, there will be a point where death will catch up to him, and he wants to be ready. Just in case.
Childe has wanted a family, to have children, ever since he was small. Even now, as an adult, he still fantasizes about it, even with the logistics as vague as they are. He’s married to an adeptus, how will it even work? He doesn’t have much information on the matter, and telling Ekaterina to research it feels a bit awkward. He has his own personal affairs and by the Tsaritsa herself, he is keeping them personal. (Besides, Liyue tries to keep their own affairs private, and he’ll respect that too.)
So when his stomach began to lurch, confirming that yes, the beginnings of a family is on the way, yes, it was possible and he is to be a father carrying their children, he… is just a bit lost.
Oh, he tells his parents almost immediately, sending off the fastest runner the Fatui have access to, so his parents know before the baby starts to quicken. Snezhnaya’s traditions with childbirth mean he will be alone but for the midwife for the sake of safety. But what sort of midwife would know the customs of both Liyue and Snezhnaya? They don’t border each other…
Archons, he is going to have so much to do.
And then there’s telling Zhongli.
Childe wants to make the announcement special, before he needs to sequester himself for his health. It’ll be the only chance he has for announcing it, and so he wants to make it something that would have her staring at him in surprise in the same way that he had when she had handed her Gnosis to goddamn Signora.
If only she’d take the fucking hint.
When he had been throwing up, Zhongli simply provided ginger tea and soothing backrubs without comment. She didn’t ask the source, and she just recommended avoiding seafood for a few weeks. When he implies that there may be stranger food combinations in the future, she has the gall to smile and point out that she could assist in finding unusual flavors if he is in the mood for a challenge.
The second time he tries, he had opted for something homely. He has always been handy with a needle or two, so he had been working on turning yarn into boots, something perfect for a newborn so they wouldn’t have to spend needless mora on keeping their baby warm.
But when he had shown her them, she had simply said, “They seem very small. Are you knitting attire for your sister’s dolls?” Red faced, he had agreed and decided that he would make some for Tonia’s toys too. And a scarf for Teucer’s Mr. Cyclops.
The third time, a few weeks later, he had hinted they may need to clear out another room in Zhongli’s home, but she hadn’t even questioned why. In fact, he had come home to find that she had managed to organize one of the rooms without his aid,
Leaving books out on pregnancy and childbirth, both the customs of Liyue and Snezhnaya… Simply had Zhongli put them away as a way to tidy up. Looking into cradles and talking with people who have had children…
He had even left them on the relevant pages, and yet, she just doesn’t seem to get it.
When he had joked about eating for two, she had just asked, “Eating for two? Two what?”
By the Tsaritsa’s frozen tears—
He can’t just… announce the damn pregnancy. While he can handle the baleful glare of jealous folk laying curses with their malice, the child doesn’t have the same defenses as he does. Zhongli has told him of the malice left in the land, how the anger of dead gods has required the help of certain people to take on karmic debt to protect the people of Liyue. His kid would be probably right in the monsters’ sights as well, and that’s before considering the evil eye that Snezhnayans fear so greatly.
What is it going to take for her to take the hint? She is smart, as he is! Yes, the chopsticks had symbolism to them… maybe something metaphorical could work?
Finally, he decides on cooking dinner and announcing it there, if she doesn’t come to the conclusion with the recipes he has chosen. It’ll be the privacy of their own home, and if he hunts alone, people won’t notice him coming back and skinning the animals on his own. He knows the best places to find the exact animal he wants, and the recipe he needs as well…
On the day Childe has chosen to tell her, Zhongli is the one who comes home to a home cooked meal, a stew of root vegetables and game he hunted, along with fresh baked bread. She comes into the kitchen utterly surprised, much to his delight, and falls right for the opening, asking exactly what it is.
“It’s rabbit I killed, and some buns in the oven!”
To his disappointment, all Zhongli does is smile as she gathers the cutlery for the table. “That sounds wonderful, Childe, thank you. What is the occasion?”
Childe stares at his spouse in stunned silence. He had resorted to using obscure food-based euphemisms for being pregnant and she still didn’t get it?
“For fuck’s sake,” Childe runs his fingers through his hair. “Honey, I’m pregnant.”
There, he said it, finally.
Zhongli blinks, her eyes and mouth both wide open, the wooden bowls intended for their soup clattering on the floor. “Is that what you have been trying to hint that this entire time?” Before he can get indignant over her tone, she admits, “I have known for a while, dearest.”
Childe returns the blink, staring right back at Zhongli as his own jaw drops. “Wait, you knew?”
His wife’s composure is back again, Zhongli clearing her throat as her cheeks grow rosy. “Childe, you’ve smelled different for three months.” She returns to Childe, wrapping firm arms around him, nuzzling against his neck before she slides a hand between them, cupping his abdomen, just underneath his belt. “And I… can sense the seed within. I knew when it took root, dear.”
Seriously? Childe exhales his frustration through his nostrils with a snort. “All of that trouble and you didn’t think to tell me?”
Concern ghosts across Zhongli’s face. “Ajax, a half-adeptus pregnancy is not always viable. I… I did not wish to get your hopes up if you miscarried. Or my own. Until the child is born, they are simply potential that may go wrong, or that you can refuse. I will not judge you on the matter, as long as you are comfortable if we ever have children.” Zhongli lifts up his hand and kisses the palm, her eyes remaining on him. “Regardless, you will be the father and I their mother. That will not change, even as you carry them.”
Huh. That is… Rather sweet. “You know, I hadn’t expected you to be so thoughtful on the matter.”
Golden eyes stare right into his own blue gaze as Zhongli speaks. “Mortals, myself included, are fragile. New lives, even more so. I have watched half-adepti be conceived, born and not survive until adulthood by no fault of their own. Sometimes the body just can not handle existence, or they grew in the wrong place, and that is even before being born. Illness, accidents, and so much can tear lives away, and the Gods are no stranger to such things.”
“Zhongli…” Childe slides the hand she isn’t holding down to her backside, scooting them back to a sturdy chair as he sits in her lap. “I’m not the best at being reassuring to adults.” Hell, he’s terrible with his brother too! “But if the world thinks it can kill off one of my kids that easily, it has another thing coming.”
His spouse smiles, her expression edged with a little pain. “Again, I have seen my adepti suffer when their hopes come crashing down, especially when it comes to children. My heart would break to see you face a similar ordeal.”
“Relax, I’m from Snezhnaya,” Childe leans down to kiss away that ache. He can feel her hand still resting on his stomach. “I have a few siblings that didn’t make it either. All part of life.”
“Yes, I know the Heath of Snow and Tears is a harsh one.” Zhongli rests her cheek against his chest, her ear listening to his heart. “But you shouldn’t need to have that hurt.”
“Shouldn’t,” he agrees, gently stroking Zhongli’s hair. “But I’m ready for it. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have been fine with having kids.” He slides off of Zhongli’s lap, smiling as he offers his hand. “Now, come on, we have dinner to worry about.”