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College was never a choice. It was an expectation. A requirement. Something that Caitlyn has always understood was expected of her and something she has always been more than happy to pursue for her parent’s peace of mind and her own. Although a tertiary education is not a be-all and end-all, it is a requirement in order to work as a lawyer. Understandably so.
The first few years of her degree were difficult, but when the 5th year rolled around things changed. It was made more comfortable by the presence of her roommate, Vi.
At first, the thought of sharing a room with such a rough-looking individual felt like a disaster waiting to happen. With tattoos wrapping down both her arms, undercut and bruised fists, it was very difficult to not see the red flags she has been trained to keep an eye out for since a young age by her overly conservative parents.
But then as the weeks pass Vi lets down her walls. Her tough-looking exterior is only that. A shell. The stereotype that has been drummed into Caitlyn is shattered in under a month. Vi is overly emotional and kind, unreasonably so if she is honest. Vi simply grew up in a rougher neighbourhood and in doing so, expresses and carries herself differently.
Their differences drew them together and before they know it, they are joined at the hip inside and outside their room.
Then the sixth year rolls around.
Suddenly, their evening dinners together quickly become a distant memory, with Vi taking up evening classes, an understandable choice given Vi is keen to graduate as soon as possible. Rationalisation does little to stifle the pain Caitlyn feels as she sits in their lounge alone, staring at their typical takeout order on the coffee table as she eyes the television vacantly.
But nothing could rationalise Vi’s sudden interest in online dating. A concept they openly mocked time and time again as a ‘meat market’. No matter how Caitlyn tries to broach the subject, it is impossible to reach her. Her walls have been fortified. When exactly? She is not certain.
It hurts. Caitlyn knows it shouldn’t. That friends come and go. It is the nature of female relationships. An explanation would be nice, but that does not mean she is owed one. She never owned Vi. So who is she to expect such a thing as answers from her?
A loud thud sounds against the wall before her causing Caitlyn’s desk to shake. She groans inwardly, eyes rolling as she taps her fingers against her desk. There she goes again, she notes irritably as the sound of breathy whimpers and stifled giggles echo through the common wall between her’s and Vi’s bedrooms.
The placement of her study desk is beyond tragic and not at all suitable for Vi’s fuckgirl era. If only there was a better position for it. But alas, there wasn’t if she wanted to avoid the blistering heat of her fireplace in the midst of winter. Choosing to freeze for the remainder of winter was sounding awfully desirable right now however.
Tongue clicking irritably, Caitlyn’s jaw tightens and she slips her earphones into her ears, cracking up the volume of her classical music playlist as she exhales dramatically. “I don’t know what I did in a past life to deserve this,” she grumbles under her breath, eyes narrowing as another series of bangs sound through the wall, shaking her desk ever so gently.
Eyes fluttering shut for a brief moment, she attempts to calm her temper. Lashing out at others has never been high on her to-do list. Arguments and confrontation in general are unsightly. It doesn’t matter how in the wrong the other party is, and there is no doubt that Vi is in the wrong on countless points lately. In particular, their no sleepovers policy.
Caitlyn exhales at an excruciatingly slow pace, fingertips tracing across her keyboard as she presses on with her dissertation. Her gaze quickly drifts to the word count in the corner of her document. She isn’t even halfway to her goal of twelve thousand. Groaning inwardly, she leans forward, hands raking through her slicked-back hair, eyes fluttering closed as her elbows rest heavily on the desk as she cradles her head.
“Can they fuck against another wall?” Caitlyn grumbles, fingers sliding heavily down and across her face, rubbing her eyes roughly. “Surely it isn’t hard to be a little considerate? Vi knows my desk backs onto this common wall and that the walls are thin in this place.”
It is hard to make sense of Vi. Just where did her sudden desire to put distance between the two of them, and her lack of interest in sustaining a somewhat comfortable living arrangement come from? She, for as long as Caitlyn knew her, has always been respectful and mature; a fantastic housemate and friend. So having to endure Vi’s standoffish and jarring behaviour hurts more than Caitlyn cares to admit.
Groaning, Caitlyn grips the edge of her desk and pushes her chair out, eyes squeezed shut. She has half a mind to knock on the wall and holler at them to keep it down, but she is hardly that uncouth. At the same time, how much longer can she silently bear to listen to her amorous dalliances? It is almost a weekly occurrence at this point, with each visitor being more robustious than the last, or perhaps that is Vi’s doing. It is hard to know for certain.
Then suddenly it hits her. The perfect and most importantly, polite manner in which to disrupt them without coming across as a cranky neighbour.
Her phone .
Heart racing, she lunges forward, hands slipping and sliding all over her desk, rummaging for the cursed item. It is a socially acceptable method of communication and is guaranteed to not result in a somewhat awkward encounter with the pair of them in the heat of the moment or alternatively in the common areas of their apartment post- activities .
“Found it!” she exclaims, her hands fumbling with her phone. She lifts it up to her face as she sits heavily back in her chair, thumbs tracing thoughtlessly across the screen, unlocking it as her mind wanders. Now what? There is no nice way of saying this.
Suddenly, a pair of hands smack hard against the wall causing her to jump upright. Within a split second, a heavy rumble travels across the wall heading towards the corner of the common wall that her bed backs on to.
The audacity .
Fuming, Caitlyn inhales sharply and turns her attention back to her phone, bright eyes lit with rage as she types.
I do not have any interest in sitting in the front row during your pornographic adventures Violet. If you do not keep things down I will have no choice but to move out of this apartment ahead of schedule.
I am at my limit.
Regards,
Caitlyn
Caitlyn pauses, her eyes scanning over the contents of her text message for a moment before hitting send. Relief instantly washes over her causing her tense shoulders to relax a fraction. It would fix things, it has to.
Then suddenly it hits her.
Why on earth would Vi even stop what she is doing to read a text message. Hell, her phone could be on silent or worse, off entirely. The plan, for all intents and purposes, is perfect minus those points.
Hands slap over Caitlyn’s eyes as she groans irritably, arching backwards in her chair as fingertips rake dramatically down her face. The whimpers and moans in Vi’s neighbouring room pierce her ears causing her to jolt upright, a stubborn glare fixed on her determined features as she rises to her feet and storms out of her bedroom.
Vi is being rude, but more than that she is being inconsiderate, and Caitlyn is done suffering in silence. She will be damned if Vi’s constant sexual nonsense results in her flunking out on her thesis. Caitlyn would rather risk coming across as a bitch than to sit idle for a moment longer.
Clenching, Caitlyn taps a balled fist over and over against Vi’s closed door. If she doesn’t answer this door, so help me god I will —
Suddenly, her trail of thought comes to a screeching halt as the door creaks open a fraction.
Smirking, Vi grips the door and silently leans against the doorframe with her other hand. Her partially unbuttoned top reveals her breasts that are barely contained by her sheer, black lace bra.
Eyes raking up to her face, Caitlyn’s jaw tightens, teeth-gritting as Vi blows a section of her ruffled crimson locks out of her eyes. From her swollen lips to her scantily clad appearance, it is difficult to not feel distracted . But somehow, annoyance is the most dominant emotion that swells inside her despite this.
“What’s up Cupcake? I'm a little busy right now if you can’t tell?” Vi purrs, wriggling her eyebrows suggestively as she speaks. “Can it wait?”
“Who is it, Violet?” a silky voice calls out from behind Vi, and within seconds a slender pair of arms wrap around the small of her waist possessively. Fingertips dangle teasingly at the top of her jeans, practically threatening to slide down her front and plunge into her sex.
Caitlyn shudders instinctively at the use of Vi’s full name. Never before has she heard another person, let alone a woman, call her by her birth name. Somehow, despite the usage of her first name it isn’t hers to possess, it hurts. It is supposed to be her thing. So to hear another woman say it, well, it annoyed her to no end.
“Santa Claus,” Caitlyn drawls, sarcasm dripping from her voice as she rolls her eyes. “Who do you think? It’s a two-room apartment with a communal wall,” she adds, crossing her arms under her breasts as she straightens her back. A mere four-word sentence and she has already managed to annoy me.
Brows arched, Vi stares across at her. “Seriously, Cait. Turn down the bitchiness,” she counters, refusing to turn to look at the woman clinging to her.
The unknown woman smirks and presses her head into the nook of Vi’s neck. “Oh, you’re right. So foolish of me,” she notes in a whisper. “I mean how could it be him, it’s the wrong month.”
Gobsmacked, Caitlyn stares across at the woman in disbelief. “This one is bright.”
“Cait…” Vi whispers warningly, her grip on the door frame visibly tightening. “Her name is Diana.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m bright, but I have a credit average in my religious studies degree majoring in Lunari,” Diana replies, seemingly oblivious to the sarcasm lingering in Caitlyn’s prior remark.
Is she being pert? Caitlyn inhales sharply as she swallows hard and fights the ever-present urge to bait the stranger into an all-out argument. Just who does she think she is anyway?
Pushing her thoughts aside, Caitlyn snickers to herself and brushes a section of hair behind her ear. “Too bad you aren’t Christian, Jesus would be so impressed by how devotedly you were moaning ‘Oh God’ over and over a few minutes ago,” she notes matter of factly, a single brow arching defiantly as she forces a smile.
Frowning Vi stares at Caitlyn in disbelief. “Jesus Christ, Cait! What the fuck?” she gasps.
Snickering, Diana raises her brows. She traces her hand closest to Vi’s crotch up to her stomach, immediately seizing one of her breasts out of eyesight, beneath her unbuttoned top, instantly evoking a whimper. "She's funny, Violet. Be kind."
Vi snickers and bumps her head against Diana’s somewhat affectionately.
A heavy silence hangs in the room for long moments and with it comes an uncomfortable thick air. It is suffocating, desperate to squeeze out every last breath of oxygen from the room.
This isn’t jealousy, Caitlyn can’t help but note as she feels an unthinkable heat swirl within her chest. It’s not like I am in love with you. You can do whatever you want. I just don’t want or need to hear it.
Shrugging, Caitlyn tries her best to avoid focusing on Diana’s hand massaging Vi’s breast. How crude. Ejecting a sigh, Caitlyn raises a brow pointedly. “What? I am merely noting facts,” she explains.
Vi twists her lips thoughtfully and closes the door slightly in the process. “If you’re done, Cait, we have urgent plans to get back t—”
Caitlyn screws up her lips as she reaches forward, a hand instantly seizing the door. “That friend that stayed over on Saturday called the landline by the way,” Caitlyn notes matter of factly, her throat tightening as a lie tumbles uncontrollably from her lips.
Deception has never been her forte nor is it something she has ever aimed to excel in despite the profession she wishes to pursue. No. The high road is the only road. That has been her mindset for as long as she can recall.
But one literal slide of this woman’s hand across Vi’s creamy flesh, her Vi’s flesh, sends her spiralling. Her inhibition immediately shattered. Instead, irritation churns through her veins. If it means Diana will leave, it is most certainly worth the argument that will likely ensue between the pair of roommates.
I am not jealous, Caitlyn notes irritably as she exhales dramatically, realisation sets in as her gaze lingers on Diana’s hand still sheathed under Vi’s blouse. Diana is just irritating. That’s all it is, there’s no doubt about it.
Diana stares back at Caitlyn, eyes peeled wide as curiosity seizes her attention. “Oh, another woman?”
Shoulders slackening, Caitlyn lets loose a sigh as she tries to ease into the conversation. “Yes, Sarah Fortune I think she said her name was? She is going to see a doctor over something. She said it doesn’t itch so don’t worry too much, Vi,” she presses on, her heart fluttering wildly within her chest as she tries to keep a mental note of each and every comment made. The last thing she needs is to be caught out in a lie after all.
“Really , Cupcake?” Vi notes sarcastically before snickering in disbelief, not buying the story even for a millisecond.
“Yeah, the poor dear has a nasty rash apparently. She is going to the doctors about it tomorrow,” Caitlyn rambles, her throat burning as the words tumble from her lips at an unprecedented pace.
Diana cringes and peels away from Vi, straightening her posture. “An STI?”
Caitlyn shrugs. “It’s a rash, so I guess it’s entirely possible.”
Eyes widening, Vi shakes her hands dismissively in Diana’s direction. “Wait! I haven’t got a fucking rash!” she notes as she drags her attention across to Diana.
An awkward smile erupts across Diana’s lips as she stares back at Vi somewhat sympathetically. “I think this is a sign I should leave,” Diana notes, a single hand stroking Vi’s arm affectionately. She drags her gaze over her shoulder before walking back into the dark depths of Vi’s room.
Eyes narrowing, Vi shoots a glare at Caitlyn only to receive a shrug of feigned innocence from her in return.
Before the pair can engage in an all-out war of words, Diana slinks back through the gap in the open doorway, jiggling her jeans up her slender legs and proceeding to zip and button them as her handbag dangles from her forearm.
“Feel free to give me a call when you hear back from Sarah,” Diana notes simply before making a speedy beeline for the front door, letting herself out. A gentle click of the door locking behind her sounds through the apartment, leaving the remaining two women in a deafening pool of silence.
“Fuck!” Vi curses as she slams a clenched fist against her door frame. “She practically ran out of here.”
Eyes rolling, Caitlyn turns her back to the front door, arms crossed under her breasts as she huffs. “Give me a call when you hear back from Sarah,” she repeats in a sarcastic voice, “Thank god that woman is gone. She was insufferable. I swear if I had to endure your lovemaking for a moment longer I was sure I would commit a felony.”
Vi stares across at Caitlyn in disbelief, eyes lit with rage. “Are you fucking serious? Do you not realise what you did just then?” she mutters, voice wavering.
Caitlyn arches a brown, unimpressed by the tone which Vi is taking with her. “I think the question should be, are you serious? I stopped you from trying to fornicate with someone that probably wishes to become a priestess,” Caitlyn notes matter-of-factly, her jaw tightening as the heat reignites within her chest. It is as scorching and uncomfortable as it was earlier. “You do realise priestesses are supposed to be virginal right? You are intentionally leading her astray, or is that some depraved kink of yours?”
Lips twisting, Vi clasps a hand to her mouth as she snickers. “That ‘virginal’ ship of hers sailed a long time ago based on what I just noted,” she counters, clearly amused. “Besides, she never mentioned that she wants to become a priestess. You’re assuming this.”
Huffing, Caitlyn rolls her eyes. Vi’s lack of tact never ceases to surprise her. “Oh come on. Then what do people even do with a religious degree then?” Caitlyn reasons. “Also, I did not need to know that much about her.
There is a remote possibility that Vi is indeed correct. But it seems even more likely that she simply didn’t care enough to probe further into matters before things progressed. After all, only a few nights prior a different woman was visiting her bedroom in the early hours of the morning.
“Why the hell would I know. I’m not exactly besties with the old dude in the clouds or any other God now am I?” Vi barks defensively. “Maybe you should focus more on your actions than what Diana wants to do with her life. You just implied that I caught a fake STI after all.”
A pang of guilt swells in Caitlyn’s chest as she shifts uncomfortably, her hands slipping into her pockets. “Well, if you didn’t thoughtlessly bang your little fuck buddies up against our common wall like a lunatic, I wouldn’t have to resort to petty things like that!”
“What? So it’s my fault now?” Vi’s voice cuts through the air like a knife, her frustration reaching its peak as her eyes peel wide.
Frowning, Caitlyn stares at her for a moment, carefully noting her defensive tone. “Well, it certainly isn’t my fault you are bringing strange women into our home!”
Rage consuming her, Vi straightens her posture and pushes off the door frame. “They aren’t strange, I know every one of their names!”
“I bet you don’t even know one thing about each of them that’s of some substance,” Caitlyn fights back as she waves dismissively in Vi’s direction as she turns to head back to her bedroom. “Whatever, I really can’t care less.”
Caitlyn might’ve started their aggressive exchange, but that doesn’t mean she truly wanted this to happen. She has been driven to a point of madness and lashed out. Was it wrong, yes. Was it founded? Also yes. But saying anything even remotely cruel to Vi hurts.
“Fuck you.”
Caitlyn stops dead in her tracks, her fingertips tracing across her bedroom door handle falling limp at her side as she turns to look over her shoulder at Vi. “Excuse me?”
Never before has she heard Vi speak to her directly in such a manner. It is disconcerting to say the least.
Vi storms forward, closing the space between them in a few short strides. “You could’ve just complained like a normal person over breakfast or knocked on the wall!” she argues.
“As if you would’ve stopped!” Caitlyn argues, eyes drifting down to her exposed breasts without thinking, only for her to avert her gaze quickly, cheeks flushed. “Your top is still…” she trails, her sentence cutting short.
“You’re right, I probably wouldn’t have,” Vi counters cooly as she looks down at her chest and proceeds to rebutton her blouse. “Why does what I do bother you so much?”
Caitlyn takes a step backwards, her cold, wooden bedroom door pressing up against her back as she attempts to gather her thoughts. There is no doubt that Vi made a point. Why exactly did she feel so bothered by it? Why is it that she feels so jealous at the thought of another woman being close to her, and above all, why did it have to hurt so fucking much to have to suffer through hearing it?
Then it hits her.
This ache she feels deep in her chest even now as they argue in close proximity. Her constant overthinking of every interaction with Vi. Her uncontrollable jealousy.
The prognosis is inarguable.
I’m in love with you, Caitlyn notes in silent disbelief. Shit.
At that moment there is so much she aches to say, to scream at her nonsensically. Yet she holds back. What is the point in doing so? If it was a mutual feeling Vi would make it clear. She isn’t the type to pussyfoot around.
Swallowing hard, Caitlyn meets Vi’s gaze dead-on. “I told you. I don’t care,” she argues simply. “But I have a major paper to write. It is impossible when you’re pounding strange women against that ungodly thin wall we share every other night” Caitlyn proceeds to explain bitterly, a sentence laced in half-truths in order to conceal her discomfort.
“Oh please! You will get a HD like you always do and then you will run back to that big mansion of yours in Piltover with your parents when you graduate,” Vi notes irritably before pausing, her jaw clenched. “So don’t try to lecture me when you’re just gonna ‘bugger off’ as you would put it, in a month or so.”
“I’m allowed to leave. This place is not where I was born and raised. Why do you care so much about me leaving?” Caitlyn counters quickly, eager to defend her desire to return to her family home. “You have been acting as if I don’t even exist lately, so why would I want to stay here?”
“Because I do!” Vi argues simply.
Flustered, Caitlyn’s eyes widen, shocked by Vi’s admission. “Oh yeah?”
Vi averts her gaze and proceeds to rake a hand through her hair, combing it out of her eyes. “Yeah. Got an issue with that?”
Unsure what to say, Caitlyn falls silent, her heart pounding wildly in her chest as she takes in the impassioned yet irked expression printed across Vi’s beautiful features. Just what is she supposed to say to such a thing without giving away her truth?
“No, just a little surprised,” Caitlyn manages to answer softly. “You’ve been so distant…”
The fire present in Caitlyn’s voice fizzles out as she attempts to reign in her heart as it trembles in her chest, eager to take advantage of the moment before her to air how she feels. But that desire is short-lived, reason grips her tightly, begging her to not make herself a martyr. After all, if she has made anything clear, it is that she doesn’t consider her in such a manner.
“Think about it. You’re leaving,” Vi replies bitterly as she glares across at her. “How the fuck do you think that makes me feel? Spoiler alert. It fucking hurts , Caitlyn.”
In an instant, Caitlyn’s understanding of the matter at hand is annihilated and in its place, guilt forms. “I’m sorry. That was never my intention. You have to know that, Violet,” Caitlyn whispers, her throat burning as she searches Vi’s pained gaze. “I was so focused on you cutting me out of your life like a useless tag on your clothing.”
“Shocker,” Vi replies, a sarcastic tone clinging to her voice as she averts her gaze, seemingly becoming fixated on the bookcase across the room.
Vi’s unusually blunt comment hits hard, like a dagger directly to the heart. As painful as it is, Caitlyn knows she deserves to know the truth about the matter, even if it is only scratching the surface. But the look in her eyes as she confessed her pain is enough to make her lips tremble and her eyes well with tears that ache to roll down the curves of her cheeks. Caitlyn’s gaze gently scans Vi’s visage, carefully noting the pain clinging to her like a glove. It’s difficult to face, especially knowing that she is the cause of it. She desperately wishes to reach forward, to embrace Vi and tell her the truth. But the action at a moment such as this feels somewhat insincere. Like a cheap attempt to manipulate her way out of the situation.
“Can we sit down and talk then?” Caitlyn proceeds to suggest hopefully. She’s going to be a smartass about this, isn’t she?
Vi throws her head backwards, a hollow grin grips her lips. “About what, Cupcake?” she asks dismissively. “About how when you leave I’ll never hear from you again, despite all the empty promises I am sure you will make? Or should we talk about how you just scared off the gorgeous woman I brought home by implying that I have the sexual plague of all things?”
“How about why my departure will hurt you so much?” Caitlyn quips, her heart racing as her gaze flicks down to Vi’s perfectly rounded lips. The tiny scar marking her upper lip never ceasing to demand her attention.
“Aren’t you supposed to be smart, Cupcake?” Vi sighs relentingly, her expression softening as she turns away. “Work it out yourself.”
Low blow, Caitlyn muses as she slips into her room, one hand seizing the door handle as she puts some distance between herself and Vi. Her trembling eyes narrow as she exhales heavily, “Fine, I will then if that’s what you want.”
Vi’s artificial smile fades and with it, her pained eyes narrow irritably. “Fine!” she barks back defensively.
Mouth growing dry, Caitlyn averts her gaze and closes the door, her hand gripping the handle for long moments after, staring at it blankly. Sighing, she turns and slides down the back of the door, her rear resting heavily on the floor as she leans forward, hunching over her knees as she stares into her lap.
The sound of a door slamming reverberates through Caitlyn’s room. Now she has gone and done it. She managed to make things worse , she is sure of it.
“I wish you would just say that I’m important to you. Is it so difficult to admit?” Caitlyn whispers, voice cracking as tears well in the corners of her eyes. “No matter what I do, I am just invisible to you, aren’t I? You will never see me as anything more than just some wealthy girl that lives in the next room.”
A few hours roll by and Caitlyn’s clock clicks over to 1:00 am. Nothing has gotten done. She hasn’t budged from the floor let alone typed another word on her thesis. Instead, she stares out the window, her eyes scanning the night sky, her chin perched atop her knees. All sense of motivation drained from her.
There is a heavy feeling swelling in her chest, so heavy in fact that it makes her feel sick and anxious at the same time.
I crossed the line tonight, I should’ve just grinned and beared it, Caitlyn muses as she stares across at their shared wall. I’m such an idiot. All this time it was jealousy that made this all so intolerable and in the end that is what has cost me any remote possibility of her caring for me.
Lips trembling, Caitlyn’s fingers clumsily slip up to her cheeks smearing away fresh tears. “It’s all so ironic really. I was worried she was pushing me away. But I was the reason she’s done that. I have caused my undoing.”
Suddenly, an ear blood-curdling screech sounds from the other side of the wall. A woman’s voice. Her voice.
Caitlyn jolts to her feet, goosebumps travelling down her neck as she spins on her heels and rushes out the door, her mind blank of all things bar one; Vi. “Violet, was that you? Are you okay?” Caitlyn yells, her eyes wide as saucers as anxiety courses through her veins.
Only silence greets her. It's deafening.
A hand seizes the door handle, jiggling it anxiously only to find it is locked. Instantly her heart sinks and a cold feeling washes over her. “Please for the love of fucking god, at least answer me, Violet! I need to know you are okay!” she continues to yell, the beat of her heart turning into a loud thud resembling that of a death march. Each beat bringing her closer and closer to breaking down.
Swallowing hard, she takes a couple of steps back before charging at the door with her shoulder, sending it flying open as she stumbles sideways into the room, almost losing her footing. Relief washes over her for a moment until she sets her eyes on Vi, sitting silently on the side of her bed, knees tucked up to her chest as she stares at a small framed photo on the wall.
“What happened?” Caitlyn exclaims as she rushes over to her, seizing her shoulders and shaking her slightly. “Was there an intruder? Are you okay?”
Vi’s wide eyes search Caitlyn’s for long moments before softening as she averts her gaze, resting the side of her face atop her knees. “It’s nothing, just a nightmare. Go back to bed, Cupcake.”
Flustered at the use of her pet name, Caitlyn pauses, her chest burning as she attempts to gather herself. Half of her can’t help but feel relieved to know that she is in fact okay, at least physically, but even then, it is clear she is putting on a farce.
Sighing, Caitlyn turns around and sits beside her on the bed, eyes fluttering closed as she wraps a supportive arm around her shoulders, tugging her into a hug. “You haven't had one of those in quite a while,” she whispers as she presses her cheek against the top of Vi’s messy crimson locks. “You don’t have to act strong all the time, Violet. You have me. I’m right here. Okay?”
A soft sniffle sounds from beneath Caitlyn’s head as Vi’s body grows slack in her arms, sinking into her warm embrace. “I-I’m sorry. I-I’m so sorry, Cupcake,” Vi manages to choke out between tears. “I-I should’ve been honest with you. I mean, I was, but then it got hard. I just—” she rasps as she breaks free of Caitlyn’s embrace; her beautiful face scrunching up painfully as her lips tremble. “I really fucked up this time, hey?”
The sight of her distraught, traumatised expression is immediately seared into Caitlyn’s soul. It is earth-shattering . Hot tears instantly roll down her cheeks as she reaches forward, instinctively cupping Vi’s cheeks in both her palms, her thumbs brushing tenderly across her tear-stained cheeks.
“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Caitlyn whispers as she presses her forehead up against hers. Vi’s warm breath immediately glides across her cheeks, her haggard breathing instantly growing calmer as she strokes her cheeks gently. “I am just as much to blame. Please do not think this issue is entirely your own doing.”
Vi sinks into Caitlyn’s palms, her wet lashes fluttering closed as she takes a deep breath. “I refuse to lose you. I cannot imagine a tomorrow without you in it,” Vi admits in a whisper.
“B-But those women?” Caitlyn manages to choke out as she pulls back, her hands slipping down to Vi’s thigh. Her eyes anxiously search Vi’s as she tries her best to hold her composure.
Taking another deep breath, Vi slips one of her legs off the bed, dangling it over the edge. She drapes her arm over her remaining knee and leans forward, a dazed smile tickling her lips.
“They were supposed to be a distraction. Something to keep my mind off the thought of you leaving before I could bring myself to be completely honest with you,” Vi explains, teary eyes quaking as she blinks back tears. “Fuck, these tears just won’t ease up.”
Sighing in relief, Caitlyn brings her knees up to her chest as she braces herself. “So you haven’t entered your fuckgirl era?” she whispers nervously, serious as always.
Vi scoffs, a hand clasping over her mouth as she tries her best to hold back a laugh to no avail. “No, I haven’t entered my fuckgirl era,” she cackles, her hand slips upwards, combing through her hair.
“So you don’t hate me?” Caitlyn inquires, tearing up. She feels weak having to seek clarification, but pride be damned, she needs it.
Falling silent immediately, Vi sighs. “I’m sorry for ever making you think this, Cupcake. It can’t be further from the truth,” she replies as she reaches forward, tugging her into a tight hug, her head nuzzling into the curve of Caitlyn’s neck. “I love you . I know I have a weird way of showing it. I know I hurt you and probably drove you insane. But if you haven’t noticed, abandonment is kind of my thing—”
“I love you too,” Caitlyn murmurs, her arms wrapping tightly around Vi’s chest, tightening her embrace as tears tumble freely down her cheeks. “You can not get rid of me no matter how you try to test me or how many times you push me away, idiot. I cannot bear to be without you.”
Vi laughs softly, her lips brushing gently against Caitlyn’s neck as she basks in the comfort of her touch. “Well, I’ll try to not test you too often. Though I must admit I do have a bit of a punishment kink.”
“Violet.”
“Yes?”
“Don’t ruin the moment,” Caitlyn warns.
“Yes, Ma’am,” Vi snickers as her eyes flutter closed.