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When Regulus felt an arm wrap around his shoulders, he jumped out of his skin, as if the area where their skin touched was like a flame burning into his skin. The feeling dissipated as soon as he saw who it was, you could see him physically relax into the contact. James sent a reassuring smile, releasing his grip slightly to allow him to break the contact. Instead, Regululs’ arm wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer. It felt warm, like afternoons down at the beach, a cool breath of fresh air.
As they walked down beside the Black lake, they swayed slightly, James was rambling on about the newest sweets he’d gotten addicted to, a smile still stuck on his face. He was trying to explain it, his voice transfiguring with laughter once he remembered something funny, and when he got excited his voice would go up and he would be practically bouncing on the spot.
It was in those moments It was easy to remember why he’s always compared to the sun.
Sitting at the edge of the lake after school was like tradition, a needed break from all the prying eyes and bustling crowds. Nobody stayed outside after curfew for fear of getting caught or dying, and despite appearing like a ghost town, it was much more real than anywhere else.
They had other friends too, but no matter what, it was always Remus, Peter, Sirius, and James-and-Regulus, or Barty, Evan, Dorcas, Pandora and Regulus-and-James. He was close to both groups, but would still cause him to tense or jump.
But it was nice talking to people who didn’t mind him talking about his sexuality, and it never really felt like he was any less than the rest.
“What are you thinking about?” Jamie asked, nudging him slightly. He only smiled and shook his head, collapsing down beneath an old oak tree. James took no time making himself comfortable laying back on Regulus’ lap, his head resting on the other’s chest. Regulus laughed lightly, groaning when he accidentally got elbowed in his stomach.
He shook his head lightly, “You’re incredibly boney.” But he still pulled him closer, giving him one of his silver rings as he mocked him. It was less so harsh, as it was plainly absurd.
As he passed it, he knew the Black Lake was too quiet for this time of night. Dead silent. It was a wonder if it was always like this or if he was the reason this place always felt so alive. His friends ‘encouraged’ him to get outside today, thought that it was ‘unhealthy’ to be cooped up in his dorm 24/7. In all honesty, it was more depressing out here than in there.
… Despite maybe the endless heaps of trash and broken glass shoved in that tiny room.
The place he used to be in awe of was full of dirt and grime, the lake was only in abundance of the pitch-black liquid it seemed to produce or the monsters within it...
Maybe his room wasn’t so different from here.
His friends had reached out, in fact, the week it happened they all tried to talk to him. He never stayed to listen.
He was going to visit him again. He thought he just owed him one. It’s been far too long since they’ve spoken, but it wasn’t like he was going to say anything. He just needed to get a few things off his chest.
During the first week, he’d visit daily, hoping James would do something, to yell, scream, blame him, and tell him to piss off. He never did, never even showed that he’s heard me. Bloody prick.
He still hesitated, waiting at the door for a sign of permission he wouldn’t give. Knowing he could go in, either way, was never much comfort. His feet carried him over to him on their own, having memorised the quickest way.
He knelt down, smiling the empty smile I seemed to permanently hold again, “Hey Jamie, how are you going?” The silence that followed made him hang his head down, “I uh, I brought those sweets you were always talking about,” He started, playing with his ring, matching the one he forgot to give back, the one he was still wearing. “I don’t see what’s so funny about getting your hair to change colours.”
His eyes closed in defeat, a humourless laugh escaping him. The tears would come next, shortly followed by endless begs for forgiveness. It always happens the same now. The dependable in the chaos.
He woke to someone tapping my shoulder. Poppy. She watched him for a second, sympathy carved into her caring old eyes.
“Isn’t it a bit late for a perfectly healthy young boy to be sleeping on a hospital floor?” She asked, offering a sad smile despite knowing he wasn’t the definition of healthy, obvious by the way her gaze flickered over him. The scratching ache in his throat hurt too much for him to even think about responding.
His head turned nearly automatically to the body lying still on the bed, his heart aching that slight bit more. He always used to compare James to the sun, It’s obvious now that that made him Icarus. He tried not to think about how he would give anything to feel burnt again.
He wrapped my arms around Poppy, needing to feel something real and… alive. He didn’t think as tears trekked down his face, cracking the mask he tried so hard to keep up. He cried in her arms for a long time. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t warm enough, that she held his weekend body too tight. All that mattered was that she was there, with a beating heart. And maybe, just maybe, the contact lifted a little bit of the weight that had been bolting him down to the floor.
“Regulus?” James croaked out, blinking slowly as the boy surged forwards, crawling onto the bed and hugging him tightly. He didn’t complain though, why would he? He had the word in his arms. The way his hand automatically rubbed his boyfriend’s back was the outcome of many sleepless nights, the same nights that he looked back on with the fondest smile.