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It was just for one night. One night was all he would have to put up with this. Stupid Sammy thinking he needed a boyfriend. Dean was doing just fine by himself. Okay, maybe it had been awhile since he had left the house. It wasn’t that big of a deal. He couldn’t help it if he was tired after work. Teaching kindergartens sounded like an easy job, but Dean didn’t realize how much energy the little munchkins had.
And now here he was, sitting at a table for two, waiting on the guy that his little brother had set him up with. Checking his watch for the upteenth time, he was starting to think that the guy has stood him up. Which hits a lot harder than it should.
Making a decision, Dean stands from the table to leave, only to have a large firm hand touch his shoulder.
“I hope you ain't leaving me yet, brother.” a deep southern drawl rolled like honey into Dean’s ears, and stopped him in his tracks. Dean watched as the body behind that voice came around the table and sat across from him. The shoulders were broad, and the chest stalky, but the man was nowhere near overweight. He had a tightly trimmed beard, and small kind blue-grey eyes. Dean was overtaken by the beauty of this stranger.
“Hi, I’m Benny,” the man stated, and reached his hand across the table. Dean shook the hand, still a bit dumbfounded. “Sam, did not do you justice. You much prettier than he stated.”
Dean bristled at the man’s words, and was immediately brought back to earth. “Yeah, well I was told nothing about you!" He shot, with venom in his voice. Dean stared back at the other man with an ice cold glare.
“Um, Ok…” Benny was a bit caught off guard by the sudden change in Dean’s demeanor. “So what do you do for a living?” he asked trying to bring the mood back up.
“Look, don’t pretend that you care! I know what you are really here for, and that’s not something I’m going to do. My brother made a mistake! Good night.” The anger boiled in Dean’s gut. He got up and walked out of the restaurant.
Stepping outside, the cold air whips him in the face. Why does it have to be 40 degrees in April? Dean thinks to himself while wrapping his arms around himself trying to keep warm.
The restaurant was close enough that he hadn't driven Baby, but it was far enough in this chill that he was cursing himself.
Dean was just thinking about being lazy and hailing a cab, when he once again felt a strong hand on his shoulder. He spun and threw a punch looking to knock out whoever was trying to attack him.
Benny ducked and caught Dean’s hand with a loud THWAK. “Whoa, there! Didn’t think I had upset you that much.” Benny breathlessly laughed, trying to sound upbeat.
Dean felt bad. The guy had upset him, but he didn't want to hurt him. "Sorry, wasn't sure who was behind me." Dean mumbled.
"Look," Benny started a bit more serious, “I’m not sure what I said that gave you the impression that I was only looking at you in the physical sense. If you want to go home I cannot stop you, but I would really like to get to know you a bit more. Could you give me a second chance?”
Dean felt a pang of guilt that he had judged this guy off of one little word. He had to be some what nice, or Sam would not have set him up with him. Dean relaxed his shoulders, and answered softly, “Sure, man. Let’s have another go.”
~~~
The night ended up going better than Dean had expected. Benny ended up paying for his steak and beers. Dean tried to protest, but Benny told him that it was his treat for almost ruining the night.
“Don’t suppose you would tell me what that was all about, would ya?” Benny asked carefully as they walked back to Dean’s.
“Oh, um,” Dean started blushing a bit, “well, you called me pretty.”
“You are pretty,” Benny cut in, sounding a bit confused.
Dean tensed for a moment, but with a quick breath, he let his shoulders relax. This guy doesn’t know about the way that word was used toward me. Dean thought to himself.
“Yeah, well you see.” Dean was trying to get the words out, but his voice started to quiver, and his hands started to shake.
No, no, no. Not now. I cannot be having an attack right now! Benny’s going to think I am a freak!
Suddenly there were soft, strong hands cupping his face. They lifted his chin, until he was staring into the bright blue orbs.
“Hey now, sugar. Take a deep breath.” Benny moved his hands from Dean’s face to his shoulders. He ran his hands down Dean’s arms, and took ahold of his trembling hands, giving them a small squeeze.
Dean tried to take in a deep breath, but it caught in his chest. His heart was beating too fast and too hard. His breath was getting more shallow. The world was beginning to tip to the side.
Benny quickly wrapped his arms around Dean, and gently sat him on the pavement with his back against the wall.
Dean could barely hear the words that Benny was saying to him, over the pounding of his heart in his ears. He squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could. He was dying, he knew it. This is where it was all going to end.
Benny’s strong hands gently grabbed his ankles. The slight pressure grounding him. Focusing on the pressure, the pounding started to quiet down. Dean could just make out Benny’s deep tone.
“Dean, when you are back with us, I need you to try and breathe in and hold the breath.”
Dean did as he was told. It wasn’t as deep as it should have been, but it was a start.
“Good, now exhale slowly. Focus on just my voice.”
Once again, Dean did as he was instructed. His chest unraveling, his heartbeat slowing, and the world was becoming more solid again.
“Ok,” Benny’s voice broke through, “I need you to take another deep breath, but slowly. Good.”
This time Dean was able to get a lungful of air. He held it again, and at Benny’s word he let it slowly out. His breath evening out.
“Dean, I am going to let go of your ankles.” A small whimper of protest came from Dean. “And, I would like to sit beside you, is that ok?” Benny spoke slowly, as to not frighten a small animal.
Benny saw a small nod come from Dean. He relaxed his hands from the ankles, and moved to sit next to Dean.
Dean was unsure how long they sat this way, but the longer they sat, the more his breathing evened out to normal.
He felt like a complete idiot. He had a full on panic attack in front of this guy he had just met. Dean wondered how much longer Benny was going to sit with him, until he realized that Dean was screwed up, and Benny didn’t want to go on a second date.
The first cold wetness fell on the back of Dean’s neck. He thought nothing of it, until there were five more drops.
“Uh, brother, I think it’s starting to rain. Do you think you have it in you to find some shelter?” Benny sounded sincere, but Dean knew that Benny was just making sure he wasn’t going to go crazy on him again.
Dean jumped to his feet, and quickly stepped to the left to catch his balance. “Whoa, there.” Benny chuckled as he put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “You good?”
“Yeah.” Dean looked around. “So, my building is not far. I think we can outrun the rain if we go now.”
Dean was wrong by a long shot. The clouds opened up just as they started to run, and by the time they made it to Dean’s building, they both were soaked.
"Well, thanks for making sure I got here without another breakdown. Your obligation is through." Dean sounded a bit bitter, but this was not his first rodeo of dealing will people babying him.
"Obligation?" Benny sounded hurt and confused.
"Yeah, I freaked out, and now I'm home. You don't have to worry about the invalid anymore." The bitterness still hadn't left his voice.
"You think that's why I did this? Oh, cher." Benny's voice was soft as he stepped forward to cup Dean's face again.
Dean flinched away. "Look, I don't need your charity."
"This isn't charity. I really do like you Dean. We may have only just met, but it seems that you have been hurt. I want to show you that's the farthest thing from my mind."
Dean relaxed, and Benny continued. "I don't know what happened to you in the past, but I would like to get to know you better. We are both soaked, and it's cold standing here. I don't want to be presumptuous, but could we go to your apartment and get some dry clothes?"
Dean stood unmoving as he took in what Benny was saying. Should he trust this man that he barely knows? A hard shiver ran down Dean’s spine, and that made the decision for him.
“I don’t know if I have much that will fit you, but let’s see what we can find.” Dean breathed out, looking Benny up and down.
~~~
Dean was able to find Benny an old pair of sweatpants, and a zip up hoodie that just fit. Their clothes were in the dryer, and with cups of hot chocolate in hand, they sat across each other on the couch.
“Sorry I didn’t have much to choose from.”
“It’s ok, brother.” Benny gave Dean a warm smile. “So, as I stated before, I would like to get to know you. So can you tell me a little about yourself?”
“Well, there is not much to tell. You know that I have a younger brother, Sam. I work as a kindergarten teacher. So a lot of my time is spent planning out projects and field trips for the little buggers. They can be a handful sometimes, but the look on their faces when something clicks is amazing.”
“You sound very dedicated to the job. I really wouldn’t have guessed that you taught young kids.”
“Yeah, most people don’t. It’s a new endeavor. I was looking for a change of pace after-” Dean abruptly stopped speaking. SHIT! Not again. Dean shut his eyes as tight as they could go and tried to focus on his breathing again, which was coming in short gasps.
Strong hands quickly grabbed the mug of hot chocolate and set it on the coffee table. Then they were on Dean’s shoulders, grounding him once again. “Dean,” Benny’s voice was soft, but firm, “I need you to follow my directions. Breath in.”
Dean did as he was asked.
“1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Ok, now slowly let it out. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Good, good. You seem to be coming out of this one faster.” Benny’s voice stayed soft and calm. He never once sounded annoyed with what he was dealing with. Which is what relaxed Dean much faster.
When Dean’s breath was once again regulated, Benny removed his hands from Dean’s shoulders. Dean felt the loss, instantly.
“Look, I know we barely know each other, but it seems that there is something that is bothering you. I can be a good listener, if you feel up to it.”
Dean opened his eyes, to find sincerity on Benny’s face.
“You’re right, we do barely know each other,” Dean started a little more forceful than he meant to, “But,” he softened his voice, “there is something about you that is just calming, and I would like to spend more time with you. So i think you should know some about my past. This way you can better understand why some things cause me to... freak out.”
Benny said nothing, and his face did not waver. It still held the soft sincerity.
Dean’s hands started to shake. But just a soon as they did, Benny grabbed them and held them with a quick squeeze. Dean could feel some of the tension in his chest easing.
With a deep breath, he started in, “Growing up was not a bad experience, it was just different than most kids. My mother died when i was about four. Something about faulty wiring in the house. My dad was able to get Sam and me out, thinking mom was just behind him. But when we got outside, she was nowhere to be found. I think Dad blamed himself. He had a hard time keeping down a job. To pay the bills he would play a lot of poker. The places the games were held were pretty seedy. I would do my best to watch Sammy, while watching Dad piss away that months rent. But i did pick up some good tricks, and by the time I was nine, I was able to win against some of the guys. Not much, but enough to put food in our bellies.”
“When puberty hit-” Dean’s breath caught in his throat. His heart started beating hard again.
“You don’t have to go on if you don’t want,” Benny whispered.
“No, I really need to get this out now that I started.” Dean tried to give a smile, but it came out more pained than it should have.
“When puberty hit, the guys that played poker started commenting on how pretty I was getting to be, and talked about how ‘good’ I would be when I got older.”
Benny audibly gasped. “Oh, cher. I am so sorry. I never meant anything like that when I made the comment.”
“I know.” Dean squeezed Benny’s hands, “But now you understand why I walked out at first.”
“So as the years went on, Dad relied too much on the poker games and not on the actual jobs. I got better at poker, and was doing quite well at keeping the bills paid. Only problem, was Dad kept losing more than I could earn, and his debtors would come to me. With all the money going to bills, i had to pay off his debts other ways.” A single tear escaped from Dean’s eye. Benny sniffled, and fought back the tears he felt in sympathy.
“One day when I was about 17, I met an extremely nice older man. Not extremely older mind you, just mid 20’s. He was very successful and was able to help me pay off Dad’s debts. I didn’t like taking the money, but I was tired of all the ‘favors’ I was doing.” Dean took a shuddering breath. “Everything was wonderful. Bills were being paid, we had food in the fridge, and Sam had clothes that actually fit him after his big growth spurt. One day Taylor asked if i wanted to try something new. He suggested a sort of BDSM Dom/sub play. I had not done my research, and put all my faith in his knowledge. It quickly turned to abuse. The sad part was, that I had confided in him about the nickname ‘pretty’ that the guys would use when I was younger. Taylor would use it toward me, while pushing past my safe word.”
Dean’s whole body was vibrating. Benny let go of Dean’s hands, and cupped his face, and kissed Dean with just the touching of their lips. He pulled away with tears in his eyes, “Sugar, I’m not sure what you deem to be a normal upbringing, but that is not it. You are so strong for going through all of that, and still being the amazing man that you are today.”
Dean hiccuped. “I sort of owe that to Sammy. He was able to help me get free of Taylor. He saw what was happening. He told Dad. Yelled at him about his gambling, and told him that it was his fault that I was being hurt. Dad was so far gone after Mom, that he had trouble getting out of the hole he had dug himself. But he knew he didn’t want to lose either of us. The next time Taylor came over to get me, Dad answered the door instead. I’m not sure what exactly transpired, as did had Sam and me go to our uncle’s house to protect me in case Taylor tried something. After that day, I have never seen or heard from him.”
Dean chuckled a bit, trying to lighten the mood. “After that Dad got a job, and turned himself around. We both ended up seeing a therapist. Him to help his guilt over Mom, and me to help with the PTSD caused by Taylor. We have been doing pretty good.”
Benny smiled a toothy grin, and wiped his face. He leaned forward and pecked Dean on the lips again. Dean blushed all the way down his neck.
“I have to be honest with you.” Dean stated straight faced.
“More honest than you already have been” Benny chuckled.
“You are the first date that I have gone on since Taylor. Though we had a bit of a rough start, I can see that this is the start of a new beginning.”
Just then the dryer buzzed, making them both jump.
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I would love to go out with you again. Would you be free next Sunday?” Benny asked, still a little apprehensive.
“I’m sorry I can’t go out that night — the new season of Game of Thrones is starting.” Dean stated straight faced.
The look that Benny gave Dean, caused him to double over with laughter. “Dude, I’m joking, I would love to.”