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You put my heart in its grave

Summary:

Shi Qingxuan moves into Puqi shrine in order to work in the village, earn some money for herself and her friends back in the capital once everything is done and over with. But even years after, she still can't forget He Xuan who she hasn't talked to ever since the fight. Then, they finally find each other again, He Xuan weirdly weak - but at what price? Are they really able to lay all the grudges and complicated feelings aside and start anew? Or is it just not the time for that yet?

Notes:

ok listen i am OBSESSED iwth beefleaf so i now have uh . this long fic planned out. dw i'm not one to drop fics and I'm generally fast with them, too!! so yeah this is a thign that exists now.

i can see sqx as both genderfluid, and transfem, so for this fic i went with transfem and kept to she/her pronouns for simplicity!

also just saying,, this is very much not a light-hearted fic. i just saw so so many loose ends in canon that i kind of want to tie up (loose ends not meant in a negative but very much a neutral or even positive sense this time) because BEEFLEAF HURTS ME OKAY. THEY HURT ME. pls do mind the archive warnigns, i'm not yet sure on how much gore there might be, atm it's just one scene in my head, and i dont actually know how gorey it might be, so that might still get removed.

i have some kind of minor characters appearig that i didn't tag, mentions of other characters, too, and some ocs that r mainly used as plot devices and genuinely not important in any other way, and also just appear for some chapters each. just as info.

the title is taken from "Catastrophic" by Armors, i like the song a lot KJHADFKJGh

also i want to shortly note, since i come from uh . rather judgy fandoms and have recevied WEIRD anons about this stuff. i'm trans myself, so if u accuse me of portrayign a trans character in a wrong way ig I'll have a good laugh; also this has depictions of depression which i am taking mostly from personal experience + research and they r in no way universal experiences.
in general, since the topic of suicide will come up in this fic (i will tw every single chapter anyways), i want to note that this fic is in no way meant to romanticize nor encourage suicide in any way. if u need help, reach out to ur country's hotlines.

ok that's all i wanna say!! have fun!!

Chapter 1: Prologue

Chapter Text

Once upon a time, there was a man said to be the master of the seas. He was by no means a God, or so they say. His power might be comparable to that of a God, however. They say he reigned over the oceans of the world, commanding thousands of scary sea monsters.

Fish made out of solely bones with teeth so sharp they would tear you in two, an octopus with so many arms you couldn’t count them, dragons that sleep until you fall into the ocean and they swallow you up and rip your limbs off one by one and eat them right in front of you.

They say there was always someone by his side, by the side of the man clad in black, the side of the man who reigned over the oceans.

The person who was with them, well – people weren’t entirely sure whether it was a man or a woman. They say that they were mostly dressed in white, sometimes with the hint of blue of the oceans, sometimes a hue of pink resembling cherry blossoms in the middle of spring.

They were always together.
If you saw a black robe, you’d assume there’d be a white and blue one right next to it. They weren’t always by the sea, either. Often enough, they would just be strolling the country, talking to humans and Gods and ghosts alike.

Often, you would see them cling to each other, or only the white clad one clinging to the one in black – either way, they were inseparable. People had gotten used to them; even though they still feared the oceans, it felt like they had become a lot calmer ever since the person in white was with its master.

And then, one day, he was all alone again.

The one in white disappeared, and they were never seen together again.

It’s said that the master of the oceans oftentimes stared out at the waves, a shimmer in his eyes, as if the sea he ruled over was what had swallowed the one he loved.
Waiting for them to come back every day and night.

The seas had started raging again, then.
However, for some reason, no more ships sank.