Work Text:
the blinding rays of the rising sun brushed beomgyu's cheek gently from the small spaces between his curtains, earning a small groan from the light sleeper. beomgyu turned the other way, wanting to avoid the glint of sunshine attempting to take him away from his comfy place of slumber covered in chibi bear patterns. it was too early for him, especially after the long night he had of crying his heart out.
if he wakes up, he'll have to face the person with annoyingly puffy eyes and cheeks in the mirror. yeah, it was too early to face that... he thought. the next thing he knew, someone had already barged in his room, shouting very loudly for him to 'get his ass up for class.'
"can't i just skip this morning.... i really don't think i got enough rest u know." beomgyu said with his eyes closed, pulling the comforter over him to cover himself.
"mmhmm... says the one who went to his room at the early hour of 10 pm. it's already like 7 am so u've had like..." soobin looked at his watch and calculated the hours in his head before he continued, "10 hours of sleep! get up already!" soobin hovered over beomgyu's figure from the side of his bed and tried to pull the comforter off of the sleepy bear.
"hyungggggggg..." beomgyu groaned when he felt the sunlight hit him as soobin successfully pulled off the comforter away from him. beomgyu quickly tried to cover his face with his arms but it seems like soobin had already catch a glimpse of his puffy face.
"oh beomgyu..... did it happen again...?" soobin asked softly as he took a seat on the bed, just beside the younger. beomgyu looked at soobin and only gave him a small smile, the only smile he could muster every time soobin tries to comfort him.
soobin then joined beomgyu in bed, lying beside the younger boy before cuddling him.
"it's okay beomgyu. i understand. it's never easy to get over someone u've loved for years. just take it slow and never be ashamed of crying over it, okay beomie? hyung will always be here for you, no matter what." soobin said softly, stroking the younger boy's hair tenderly. he could feel the little nod against his chest as beomgyu pulls him closer.
they stayed like that for a good 5 minutes before beomgyu slowly pulls away, his eyes a little red before he smiles a little.
"thanks as always hyung." beomgyu said, earning a soft smile from soobin. "well, we better get ready now for class. i feel better already." the younger giggles.
"okay gyu, you better get ready quick! i already made breakfast so you have to eat them. i swear if we don't get to class on time today, i'll have you doing the laundry for a week!" soobin jokingly said as he ruffles the younger's bed hair, which then turned out to be messier.
"ugh okayyyy!" beomgyu replied playfully, getting off his bed to get into the shower.
-
three months have passed since they broke up. beomgyu and yeonjun remained as friends, but beomgyu can't help but feel heartbroken every time they interact. he didn't want to be friends, but at the same time he couldn't find the strength to let go of this man he had loved for over 4 years. they had went through so much together for the two years they dated, talked about their dreams, fantasized about living together along with two cats, even discussed marriage although they knew it can never happen, and finally they succumbed to the incompatibility of their love.
it wasn't anyone's fault. they had broken up, confessing that things shouldn't go on like this if the both of them can't fulfill the others' needs and wants in the relationship. the two men broke up w a mutual understanding between them, that no matter how much they loved each other, they just weren't as compatible as they thought. so, their feelings remained as they separated from one another.
for the past few months, beomgyu didn't feel alive. he often wondered if he had tried harder, if he had done more, if he could understand yeonjun more, maybe this break up wouldn't have happened. maybe they could've actually lasted forever and ever like they had promised. the little bear also feels a little mad, that none of them fought to stay in the relationship, that none of them opposed the idea of breaking up, that none of them had the resolve to be in love with each other.
if beomgyu could do it all over again...
choi yeonjun was truly his first love. and it hurts.
-
soobin wasn't late to class. beomgyu had successfully ate breakfast and showered all under 15 minutes to which had surprised soobin. beomgyu just have him a smug grin before the both of them walked together to class.
soobin was older than him, but they were studying music in the same semester because soobin started college a little later due to his family's financial problems. they met up with kang taehyun, a classmate and best friend of theirs. they were known as THE trio amongst their peers. the three had stunning visuals, heavenly vocals AND a knack for producing melodious tracks. they were already in their final year and were going to have their finals in a few months.
"that was unexpected." taehyun said, referring to the project that they had just been assigned. "you know, i knew we were going to have to produce a track but needing a dancer along with it?"
"ugh, i know right. i don't really have anyone in mind either. this will be hard..." beomgyu exclaimed, stuffing his notebook in bag.
"i bet the dance department also got their projects assigned relating to ours. like, choreographing to the song we produced. i'm definitely going to ask huening kai." soobin said with eyes closed, his hands gripping lightly at his chin as a pout formed on his lips.
"hey, no fair! i was going to ask huening kai!" taehyun said with a frown.
"FIRST COME FIRST SERVE!" soobin shouted before running out of the classroom. "SEE YOU LOSERS!" and the next thing beomgyu knew, taehyun was already running after him with profanities escaping his lips.
"now who do i ask..." beomgyu mumbled to himself. he dragged his seemingly heavy feet to the dance department to find someone to be partners with, to find someone who isn't yeonjun.
-
"so, um, would you want to be partners with me? oh, you already have one? it's alright, thank you anyway."
this was hell...
everyone beomgyu had in mind had a partner already. he was also pretty sure that his last option, his yeonj-, yeonjun, has a partner too. yeonjun wasn't popular for his looks only, but also his dancing skills and unique choreographies. he is truly one of a kind.
well, beomgyu then decided to come again the next day and maybe ask huening kai regarding one of his friends later on. he could make new friends that way too so it would be a win-win situation. beomgyu then opened his chat with soobin, knowing that huening kai has partner up with him since taehyun didn't manage to find him in time.
"soobin hyung, can u ask if huen-"
a hand touched his shoulder, causing the little bear to jump a little.
"oh, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to scare you, really, beomgyu."
standing there was choi yeonjun himself and beomgyu could feel his breath hitch for a moment.
10 seconds of complete silence went by as they stared into one another's eyes.
"uh, look. do you have a partner...?" yeonjun asked softly.
beomgyu could feel his eyes watering before he pretended to cough to be rid of it.
"um, no actually. i'm looking for one. do you have a recommendation perhaps?" beomgyu replied quickly, making sure to smile.
"well, why would you need me to give you a recommendation if i'm literally right in front of you?" yeonjun chuckled before showing off his dance moves playfully.
beomgyu missed that.
"wait, you don't have a partner?! literally how? anyone would die to have u dance for them!" beomgyu exclaimed, genuinely surprised.
"nahhh. i want to choreograph a song of yours, gyu." the elder smiled gently and beomgyu was literally THIS close to dying. why would yeonjun say this to him?
beomgyu contemplated on having yeonjun as his partner for the project, yeonjun was great at what he does and this could easily help him get a good grade but on the other hand, he was beomgyu's first love and their break up was still fresh and vivid in his mind. if yeonjun and his song was performed together, it was a guaranteed A but what if he can't focus at all and end up not completing the song and he fails them both for the project? and what if-
"okay." was not what beomgyu wanted to say but the word just slipped out of him.
"alright partner! so i'll see you....?" yeonjun smiled with glee, to which beomgyu replied with a small smile.
"yeah, i'll see you."
-
"you have been screaming into that pillow for a while now." soobin pointed out towards his housemate before sipping his drink. he sat on the couch, right beside beomgyu before turning the television on, browsing through the channels and eventually settling on a series called juvenile justice.
"that's because i'm an idiot!!!!!" beomgyu shouted before continuing to scream into his pillow on the couch of their living room.
"what did you do now, my little child...." soobin asked without taking his eyes off the television.
"i might have partnered with shjsbdh..." the younger mumbled intentionally.
"what?"
"i might have partnered with hbjsbjbjs...."
"i will literally throw this remote at you."
"I PARTNERED WITH CHOI FUCKING YEONJUN!" beomgyu shouted before hiding behind his pillow.
"ARE YOU CRAZY???" now it was soobin's turn to shout.
suddenly, their front door opened and in came the last member of their little trio, taehyun.
"what the hell are you guys screaming about? i could hear it from 7 blocks away." taehyun said sarcastically as he placed the food he had brought on the kitchen counter.
"YAH! BEOMGYU'S PARTNER IS YEONJUN!" soobin shouted whilst pointing at the little bear who was still hiding behind his pillow.
"WHAT!" now everyone is shouting it seems.
-
"you're telling me he asked you himself???" soobin exclaimed loudly after beomgyu had explained the whole situation to the both of them.
"this is so suspicious... look beomgyu, i know you still love him and i don't think i'm wrong if i say that yeonjun does too. the both of you know this in fact. but it's wrong, because you guys are suppose to be as separated as possible... exactly because you still love each other." taehyun explained as nicely as he could, afraid of hurting the boy's feelings. "remember the things that happened throughout the relationship?"
beomgyu remained silent. he knows already without the two of them pointing it out.
"taehyun's right. look, i'm willing to switch partners with you if you feel like you can't do it. if you think that yeonjun and the feelings that still exist between the both of you will get in the way of you acing this project, i am happy to switch partners. just say the word." soobin said considerately, a hand slowly rubbing beomgyu's back.
"me too. my partner is ha sooyoung, one of the most talented dancer and choreographer there is. you know, from the loona dance team." taehyun joined in.
"thanks a lot guys but... honestly i think this could be a chance for me to see him truly as a friend. to only see him as a friend and nothing else." beomgyu said, determination plastered on his face. "i'm going to take this chance and if anything happens, i promise i'll come to you guys okay." he smiled at his two friends who was worried sick of his answer.
soobin and taehyun looked at each other before looking at beomgyu suspiciously at the same time as if they had this moment scripted.
"i promise!!! it's going to be okayyy!!!!" beomgyu assured them, though he knows soobin and taehyun weren't convinced.
"....you owe us expensive meat if you're wrong." taehyun said after a while, crossing his arms disapprovingly.
"and a month of doing our laundry!!!" soobin quickly added, also crossing his arms because he wanted to look as cool as taehyun.
"hehe, i love you guys." beomgyu grinned, hugging the pillow in his arms.
"ew." soobin and taehyun said in unison.
-
timeskip
beomgyu was listening to the track he had been producing over the past two weeks. there had been many different versions that had been scrapped during the process, but finally, he settled on this. beomgyu continued to edit the instrumentals to make it smoother and more pleasant for the ear. during the two week period, he only contacted yeonjun through the phone and not once did they meet.
being so focused on his work, he didn't notice the man approaching him from behind at the cafe he was lounging in.
"hey." the man called out as he tapped beomgyu's shoulder.
"oh, yeonjun. i didn't expect to see you here." beomgyu exclaimed with surprise, staring at the tall man standing in front of him holding a plastic bag.
it was close to midnight, and beomgyu was wrapping up the track already. he was going to tell yeonjun about it tomorrow through their chat, again, not wanting to have any unnecessary contact with him. i mean, they are partners by pure accident and it's not like beomgyu had a choice at the time.
"yeah, i was on my way back when i spotted a friendly face sitting in a cafe. um, i was actually bringing back some beer for myself. would you want to drink with me?" yeonjun said, his face seeming a little hopeful. beomgyu felt a little bad because he did make every excuse he could think of whenever yeonjun wanted to come over to check on the track he had been working on so...
"sure. i'm finished with the track too so i'll give you a listen as well."
"great. let's go back to my room then."
-
"wow, this is so good. this is so crazy. you're a really great producer, beomgyu. i can't wait to hear the songs you're going to produce after we graduate if this is your project." yeonjun exclaimed with admiration after they had given the track a listen.
the two already had two cans of beer each since beomgyu had suggested they drank before listening to it. he didn't think he could've listened to the track he based on yeonjun with the man himself whilst sober.
"thanks. now, i expect you to make a sick ass choreography for this okay. you better, you... you master choreographer." beomgyu said a little louder than usual, feeling slightly tipsy.
and this earned a laugh from yeonjun.
"master choreographer?? yah, are you drunk already??" the elder continued laughing, holding his stomach as he tumbled to his side. maybe the both of them had too much to drink.
"i love the title too. opening sequence. ah, it sounds so good. ah, i love it!!!" yeonjun proceeded to shout before lying down on the floor with a hand placed on his stomach as he breathed heavily with a smile on his face.
"i love it too." beomgyu genuinely smiled at the behaviour of the man he still loved. to his surprise, he felt his body move on his own as he laid beside yeonjun.
with the two lying beside each other on the cold floor, they turned to face each other. everything had quiet down except for the slow breaths that could be heard from one another as they stared into each others' eyes. it felt so hard to breathe. beomgyu couldn't hear anything else other than his own heartbeat and he prayed that yeonjun couldn't hear it.
he felt a finger slowly lacing itself onto his pinky finger, and the expression yeonjun had on was so familiar to him. he could recognize that expression in a heartbeat and suddenly he felt water slipping down his face. one, no two, no three, no..... he had lost count before he knew it.
and to his surprise, yeonjun was also crying. the two was just staring at each other in this silent room, just being in each others' presence but somehow the tension present in the air was too thick for either of them to cut. beomgyu held the hand lingering in his without breaking the eye contact, realizing that the both of them shouldn't have agreed to be partners. knowing that this was wrong of them to do.
beomgyu.
i love you.
yeonjun had mouthed with a smile to tell beomgyu that, it was okay, but he failed miserably because all beomgyu could see was his love in pain.
"i think this is enough. i'll choreograph and update you through our chat. let's see each other on the day of the presentation." the elder exclaimed, wiping off his tears, leaving only his bloodshot eyes and the shade of red on both his cheeks and tip of the nose. he didn't look at beomgyu anymore, the floor seemed to be the most interesting thing at the moment.
beomgyu couldn't say a word, he felt so miserable. he couldn't even look at yeonjun as he ran out of the elder's room, almost running into the door as he made his way back to his own house.
they were just not meant to be.
-
d-day
ever since the day beomgyu and yeonjun met up, soobin and taehyun had made it a priority to shield beomgyu from the elder. although beomgyu had told them that it was fine and that they were just drunk, his best friends did not believe a single word and would try as hard as they could to avoid beomgyu from even crossing paths with yeonjun. apparently, huening kai was also doing the same thing with yeonjun. the three, taebinkai, agreed that the two shouldn't see or have direct contact with each other anymore until the day of the presentation, and that day would also be the last they would see each other.
which is today.
"you're going to be okay, gyu?" taehyun asked softly. beomgyu and yeonjun's name had been called in the huge hall they were in, indicating that it was their turn to present their project together.
together.
beomgyu nodded at taehyun and soobin nervously before quickly gaining strength from the supportive looks they gave him.
the little bear approached the stage and went straight for the speaker system installed at the side of the stage. he plugged in his usb and clicked on the files connected to it.
and there he was.
yeonjun was dressed in high waisted pants and a white, loose sleeveless shirt tucked into them. he had on the most amazing (which is actually just yeonjun's go to outfit for a project) and mesmerizing outfit and beomgyu almost couldn't tear his eyes off of him. for a moment, he could've sworn that yeonjun didn't want to break off the eye contact as well.
a cough from their lecturers brought the two back to reality and yeonjun immediately positioned himself before giving a slight nod to beomgyu, allowing him to play the track he had produced.
now, beomgyu had seen the choreography to the phone. the two had communicated through soobin's and huening kai's phone where soobin and kai was the messenger. beomgyu had corrected yeonjun on the message he want the song to convey through his moves' expressions. this went on for a week and a half before they settled on a final choreography.
and now, beomgyu would see for himself the choreography yeonjun had made for the piece beomgyu produced based on him. based on them.
(a/n: ur queue to watch the opening sequence performance <3 also please play opening sequence on loop)
choi yeonjun.
i told myself that looking at you wouldn't mean a thing after a while and at first, i had managed to convince myself that i was okay without you. i would see you once in a while and i'd turn away. nothing so much as a hey or hi anymore from when we were friends.
i don't get it. everyone says the first month would be the only time i'd feel like absolute shit after the breakup and i believed that. i wanted to believe that so much. suddenly, we've broken up for 4 months. as if the time that passed by didn't move at all for me, as if i was stuck in the moment where we broke up.
why is it that every time i'm reminded of you, i still feel helpless. as if the rug under me has been pulled mercilessly and i can't do anything, not a word, not a breath escapes me as i fall into this endless pit, a never-ending memory of you.
i know exactly why we can't be together, i was the one who initiated the break up. and i hope to god you don't think you're a bad person. u never are. if i could go back in time, i wouldn't want to have fallen for you... is what i wish i could say. but, all this pain i'm feeling just shows that all we had been through was worth it. we just didn't last.
all these memories, all these sides of you only i knew, all these daily reminders of what u liked around me.
if i could do it all over again, knowing that i'd lose you in the end, i'd do it in a heartbeat. i never know when else i could have a chance with you.
choi yeonjun.
do you... do you still think of me in the daily things you see? do you still get reminded of the things i used to like? do you wonder if i'm wondering about you, the way i am now? do you secretly still hope we could start over?
do i want to know the answer to my own questions...? no.
i'm sorry. it's always me. i've always been the stubborn one out of us two, and so i'm clinging on to these useless feelings for you after 4 months. even though i feel like shit due to it. even though i know nothing good ever comes from thinking of you like this.
i hate it. i hate it so much. i wish we never broke up. you're still everything i'd ever want. i don't care anymore. just make me fucking sad and then pick me up and make me the happiest person alive again. you always managed to do that. i'm sure you still can.
i miss you.
-
"beomgyu!" the man shouted, chasing after the boy who had ran outside of the hall.
beomgyu couldn't do it. he can't just watch yeonjun express his emotions through his dance, to a song which only beomgyu knew of the meaning. every melody, every curve of the symphony, they all had a meaning to him. it wasn't beomgyu's fault that he broke into tears so horribly at the end of the elder's presentation and had everyone around him worried.
he just couldn't hold it in.
"beomgyu...." the man who had chased after him approached the sobbing boy slowly, a concerned expression plastered on his face.
"i'm okay, yeonjun. seriously. you should go." beomgyu said in between sobs, his voice barely heard.
"no, i... i don't want to leave you alone like this." yeonjun pondered over his words carefully but it seems to have invited beomgyu's anger instead.
"don't say that." beomgyu breathed heavily. "we both know exactly why i'm like this. you don't get to say all those things when the both of us have accepted our breakup. WE'RE DONE." a sob escaped beomgyu's lips before he quiets down. "so please... please leave. please just leave." beomgyu dropped to the floor as he hugged his knees, not wanting to look at the elder's face even for a second longer. he didn't have the strength to. he can't.
he can't.
"beomgyu!" he heard soobin called out to him from afar.
by the time beomgyu looked upwards, yeonjun was no longer there. just like he should be.
and it stings so much.
-
a week later, their results had come in. the trio received an A for their project and they had decided to celebrate together by drinking that night.
"i'm glad that hellish month have passed lol." soobin said as he took his one shot of soju. beomgyu and taehyun followed suit, agreeing with the elder.
"it was really fun too, i think." beomgyu said, earning an eyebrow raised from both soobin and taehyun. the two looked at each other and shook their heads together.
"WHAT!" beomgyu shouts whiningly, pouring another shot of soju into his glass.
"babes... you did NOT have fun." taehyun exclaimed, before avoiding a near-death experience from beomgyu who attempted to jump on him. soobin laughed loudly, hitting taehyun beside him which was actually, also a near-death experience.
someone save taehyun...
"you guys should be proud of me okay! i managed to get an A despite all that." beomgyu took a shot before flinging the empty glass over his head. "praise me, you measly peasants." he continued, a tipsy smile already forming on his lips.
"oh our king! how could we be so rude! you are truly the best producer we have!" taehyun started, playfully bowing at beomgyu.
"yah! i'm older than you! i should be king!!" soobin opposed, taking another shot of soju before using his glass as a play-sword.
"you dare challenge me?!" beomgyu replied laughing. "you can't even do push ups!"
"YO FOULLLLL!" taehyun shouted before lying on the floor, almost dying out of laughter.
"don't listen to this brat! i'm taller than him!" soobin replied, closing in on beomgyu.
"yeah, a tall stick against a wall... you tell me who's going to win." beomgyu replied playfully before he started running around the room. soobin was approaching him at a very high speed!
taehyun watched the two run around as he continued to get drunk, knowing they were going to completely blackout soon. he was enjoying the tom and jerry show, if you will.
-
the young ones have fallen asleep.
soobin had a high tolerance of alcohol, but he was drunk. just not as bad as the two. since he was awake, he cleaned their empty soju bottles before taking a blanket for each of them to sleep in. although they were friends, as the eldest, he felt a sense of responsibility for the two.
soobin smiled fondly at the two boys before he turned the lights off.
he wished beomgyu would look at him too.