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Jason’s friendship with Nico ends on a random day of January.
It’s rather inconvenient, seriously, because Jason really really likes being Nico’s friend, and because it ends for a stupid reason, and because he was finally gaining enough courage to ask Nico out. Maybe. Perhaps.
He’s confused, no matter how clichè that sounds, and doesn’t know what to do about it.
The thing is, Jason probably likes being Nico’s friend a bit too much.
He loves Leo, but his heart doesn’t race with excitement when they have a sleepover in Jason’s cabin after watching shitty horror movies on Leo’s laptop (no, it doesn’t attract monsters. Don’t ask him how Leo did that). His stomach doesn’t do back flips when he spars with him, he doesn’t stare at Leo’s arms while he’s working on his latest invention, and he doesn’t care if Leo thinks his new shoes are lame.
If Nico thought that, on the other hand…
Jason wants to impress Nico, wants Nico to think “wow, Jason is so cool and I did the right thing by accepting his friendship!” and part of the reason may be that Nico is cool, with his attitude and his black sword and his “brooding in the shadows” act, but mostly it’s because Jason likes Nico. Probably. That’s what Piper says, at least.
Not to mention that earning Nico’s trust has been a quest in itself, much like defeating the Giants (though incredibly more enjoyable), and Jason would rather stab his toe on a really pointy table corner than do anything that may diminish Nico’s (finally!) good opinion of him.
Also, Nico is cute. Very much so, and Jason is obsessed with his small button nose and the way he moves his hands when he’s excited, and he’s far too happy when he has an excuse to hug him and Nico lets him and sometimes even hugs back-
Okay, fine, Jason most definitely likes Nico.
He would say he’s a little in love, even.
For all these reasons, it’s a real bummer when his friendship with Nico ends because of Hazel of all people, who is always happy when she notices how close they are.
It was a small comment, just a few words thrown in there that Hazel hadn’t thought through, and Jason cannot fault her, not really, but he’s sad and heartbroken and he needs someone to blame.
Nico was Iris-messaging with her, chatting about life at Camp. He made a joke about Harley’s three legged race in the labyrinth being worse than his time in the jar (Nico’s humor could be… interesting, sometimes), the conversation shifted towards a usually forbidden topic, and something new to Nico’s ears escaped her lips.
“I can’t believe they considered leaving you there,” she breathed, without thinking.
And then she realized that was the wrong thing to say, because Nico had frozen and started asking far too many questions with a smaller voice than usual, or so she tells Jason later (she also says “I’m sorry, Jason, it slipped!” but he’s stopped listening because panicking seems like a more appropriate course of actions).
Later on, he decided he would let Nico face him on his own terms, but it’s been a while and Nico hasn’t asked him anything or brought up the topic at all, and for a moment Jason naively believes he doesn’t care as much as he and Hazel feared.
Except that Nico doesn’t speak to him.
It’s not that he doesn’t speak to him at all: that would be heartbreaking, but less frustrating. He’s just different.
He puts much more distance between them, doesn’t eat at his table even though he technically can now, doesn’t whisper comments about other campers in his ear (because Nico has dirt on everybody). They spar a couple of times, but Nico doesn’t taunt him, or tease him and just isn’t Nico.
Jason lasts a week in this horrible non-friendship situation he’s found himself in, before deciding they need to talk about it. There is no way in fucking Tartarus he’s losing Nico, Nico!!, because of something he said when he didn’t even know him.
And the only reason he hasn’t done that already is because, as stupid as it is, he’s scared. He doesn’t really know how to handle it and how to not fuck it up, and Nico isn’t giving him any clue. Something changed, and he’s obviously upset, but that’s all Jason knows.
Nico could be angry at him, or sad, or disappointed (his heart sinks to his shoes) or may have simply decided Jason isn’t worth the time of the day, and he’s left there with no idea which one it is.
Plus, he’s ashamed of what he’s done, plain and simple, and would prefer to leave it in a dark, dusty corner of his mind and never speak of it again, least of all with Nico. He totally understands why his friend is distressed about what Hazel has told him, and looking back it was an awful thing to even suggest.
Jason can’t even think about how Nico shakes just remembering that place, how he wakes up because he can’t breathe, how dead he looked when they got him out of there, without wanting to kick himself in the face. Leaving anyone in the godsforsaken jar would have been unforgivable, but Nico… with his cute nose, and his inappropriate humor and his questionable eating habits and silky black hair and the way he squints when he tries to read something from afar because he needs glasses too but doesn’t want to admit it… Jason wants to throw up. Most importantly, he wants to throw himself at Nico’s feet and beg for his forgiveness.
Another week passes, and Jason hasn’t made a move yet, because he’s a coward. Nico is still weird, maybe a bit less stiff, Jason notices hopefully, and everything is miserable.
“It’s not really that serious,” Leo tells him, beating his hammer on.. whatever it is that he’s building. Jason loves to sulk in his couch in Cabin 9. “You two didn’t even fight. The way you’re acting, you’d think he’s told you he doesn’t want to see you ever again and that he wishes you were dead.”
Leo doesn’t officially know about his crush on Nico, mostly because Jason didn’t officially know either until, like, two days ago, but he’s likely guessed: Jason talks of little else.
“He doesn’t speak to me,” he whines. He smashes his face against the cushion. It has a hole right in the centre. Now that he thinks about it, this couch kind of sucks.
Leo sighs. “Scary dude found out you were an asshole-“
“We were assholes,” Jason corrects him. It’s not really a big consolation, but it’s something.
“Well, he’s normal with me. But okay, we-“ Leo says, stressing the word, “were assholes. He’s upset about it. He thinks you’re the best thing ever invented since sushi rolls, what did you expect? Give him some time, man.”
Jason’s mind has stopped processing a few words ago.
“Wait, he’s normal to you? He isn’t distant or anything?”
Leo shuffles uncomfortably.
“It’s not like we’re best pals.”
“Leo.”
“I’m just saying I haven’t noticed anything different! He doesn’t care about me the way he does about you-“
Jason leaves Cabin 9, shutting the door.
The last two weeks have been horrible, but at least, at the very fucking least, he thought he was sharing his misery with his other friends of the Argo II. Well, maybe not exactly the same misery, since most of them were simply friendly with Nico, while he’s recently daydreamed about him walking down the aisle, but that’s not the point. The point is that Nico is giving him the cold shoulder for something they were all responsible for.
For a really stupid second, Jason considers going to ask Nico directly, then the voice inside his head that usually sounds like Thalia, or Reyna, or Piper, or all three of them, stops him.
He should call Percy, he decides in the end. Percy has known Nico the longest.
“Jason!” Percy waves. His figure is shaky and his voice is a bit distorted. Iris messages haven’t really worked wonders lately.
“Hi, Perce,” Jason replies. He uses his usual nickname for Percy and does his best to sound casual, but his friend blinks.
“Is someone dead?”
“No! Nothing of the sort. Look, I wanted to ask you something.”
“Sure.”
For someone who is “sure”, Percy sounds definitely concerned.
“Have you talked to Nico these last few days?” Jason asks, and he doesn’t know what he wants the answer to be.
Percy rubs his chin. “Um, yeah. A couple of days ago, I think.”
Jealousy gnaws at Jason’s insides. It’s an ugly and childish feeling, and he used to hate it when it showed up with Reyna, or Piper. It has never happened with Nico before.
He mentally slaps himself: being jealous of Percy is ridiculous. It’s good that Nico has other friends, and Percy is the closest friend Nico has here in New York, minus Jason, which means right now he’s the closest friend Nico has here in New York period.
It stings a bit.
“Man? Are you okay?”
Jason realizes he’s probably been staring at Percy with a not-really-friendly expression. He adjusts his glasses.
“Yeah, it’s just… was he okay?”
Percy is totally concerned now.
“Yeah. What happened?”
“It’s a long story, but Nico isn’t speaking to me, and I thought he may not be speaking to you either.”
Percy looks so worried Jason almost forgives him for being better liked by Nico.
“What did you do? What did I do?”
“Nico found out… do you remember when he was trapped in the jar, and we um, discussed what to do about him?”
Percy’s eyes widen. “Fuck.”
“You could say that.”
“When?”
“Two weeks ago. He acts like he hates me, now.”
Percy frowns. “He was totally normal with me, two days ago.”
Is there a vocabulary out there to learn how to speak Nico? Jason doesn’t understand this boy. He didn’t trust him, back then, that much is true, but he had never even met him. Percy had known Nico, when the discussion about the jar took place. What was his excuse? Why did he get to skip the silent treatment?
He puts his hands on his face. He must look miserable, because Percy takes pity on him.
“Jason, if there’s someone who knows what it’s like to have Nico angry at you, it’s me. And it was worse than this, believe me. He’s used to being disappointed by people, so he gives up before even trying.”
”Trying what?”
”He wants to ask for an explanation, and he fears you still think that low of him, but he is afraid of the answer, so he won’t.”
Percy is much more observant than he lets on, Jason knows that, but this is impressive even for him. Still, Jason snorts.
“What do you mean he’s afraid of the answer? I would walk through hell for him.”
Percy smiles. “I think he wouldn’t be too impressed by that.”
“Point taken.”
“Have you told him, though?”
Jason is feeling really stupid these days.
“What?”
“That you would walk through hell and some other more impressive places for him, and that you care about him and wouldn’t leave him in a fucking jar.”
No. No, he hasn’t. He has been silent, sulking, trying to understand how to fix the situation, when all he needs to do is to tell Nico that he is sorry and cares about him.
As a friend, obviously. He doesn’t need to tell him about the other part, yet.
“No.”
Percy groans.
“You idiot. You know Nico closes off when he gets hurt. If he doubts that you actually like his company, what do you think he’s feeling now? He’s distanced himself from you, and you haven’t even tried to reach out.”
Jason wants to bang his head against the nearest wall. Finding out something like this must have kicked back all of Nico’s self doubts, and fears, and Jason has accidentally confirmed all of them.
“I thought he needed space,” he snaps, defensively.
Nico usually needs space when something ticks him off, he’s learned through trial and error. How was he supposed to know this one time was an exception?
He’s annoyed at his stupidity, annoyed at Nico for being Nico, annoyed at Percy and Leo because they apparently don’t have to pass his tests to be on okay terms with him.
Percy sighs. “I know, man. He’s difficult to understand, sometimes. Just don’t give up on him, okay?“
Jason wants to laugh. Give up on Nico. Please.
“I’m going to talk to him,” he tells Percy. “And don’t worry, I’m not giving up.”
Percy looks relieved. He has become very protective of Nico, with time, maybe more alike a big brother than a friend. Jason feels a twinge of guilt about having felt so jealous of him, while Percy is truly happy Nico has other good friends by his side.
Percy-1, Jason-0.
He knocks on the door of Cabin 13, feeling a bit nauseous. He still has no idea how the conversation with Nico will go. The only thing he knows is that the thought of having, in any form, lost Nico’s trust eats him alive. The friendship he has with Nico isn’t like any other, no matter if it has a chance to become something more in the future or not.
They click, and Nico only laughs so freely when they are alone, sprawled on his bed, far too close. Jason hadn’t heard Nico pronounce more than twenty words in total during their month on the Argo II together, and now he’s listened to him speaking about Mythomagic for an hour straight, and knows that Nico has the slightest italian accent when he says certain words (“daughter” gets him every time) and has learned more about Bianca than anyone else.
He would take down Olympus if Nico asked, and it’s stupid, because they haven’t even known each other for that long and Nico, objectively, isn’t always an easy person to be around, but it is what it is, and if Jason doesn’t fix this mess he’s crafted with his own two hands and a small nudge from Hazel he’s going to explode.
Nico opens the door. It’s early in the afternoon, but he looks like he’s just woken up, his hair disheveled and his face groggy. He squints at the sun, annoyed. Nico’s cabin is always dark.
“Do you want to go spar?” Jason asks him, because he’s an idiot who will keep being an idiot for the rest of his life (that might not be very long if he doesn’t grow two balls).
Nico glares at him.
“You woke me from my nap to ask me this?”
“Yes.”
Nico stares at him. He’s adorable when he wakes up and he’s all grumpy, and Jason wants to kiss him. There, he said it.
“Okay,” Nico says, in the end.
Nico kicks his ass. He’s angry, now, while he’s only appeared distant over the last two weeks, so he kicks his ass or Jason lets his ass be kicked as an apology, he doesn’t know.
He only knows he’s on his back for the third time already, Nico’s blade pressed against his throat.
“Smooth,” he grins.
“What is it with you today?” Nico bursts out. He gets up, getting the dust off his clothes.
It’s now or never, Jason thinks, and opens his mouth before he can hear Reyna-Thalia-Piper tell him to shut up. He’s still laying on the ground.
“Maybe we should talk about what Hazel told you,” he tries. Nico stiffens.
Jason wants to take it back, but the damage is done, so he needs to keep going.
“I have nothing to say.”
“Clearly you don’t.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Nico snaps.
“You stopped talking to me!”
“I had my reasons.”
“And I didn’t deserve to know them? If Hazel hadn’t told me what happened, would I have ever known?”
Jason hadn’t known he was angry at Nico until now, but he feels furious, for some reason, and can’t keep his mouth shut.
”You could have asked,” Nico answers him. His tone is mean, downright mean, and Jason hates it.
”You could have given me a hint!”
This isn’t going how he had planned. He’s putting all the blame on Nico, who despises being cornered more than anything else, but Jason is sick of feeling as if he’s the only person responsible for this mess: why couldn’t Nico come to him and cuss him out and let him fix it? Why does he always have to make the first step with everyone? Why does nobody ever reach for him ?
“You wanted to leave me to rot.” Nico replies, and it’s worse than a scream, because his voice is low and vicious.
“I haven’t! Does it not count for anything?”
Nico shakes his head, snorting, and turns to leave.
“We would have come for you, Nico, we would have come anyway, we were just wondering-“ Jason isn’t proud of the desperation in his voice.
“About my loyalty?” Nico turns back to him and laughs horribly. “How many times do I have to save everyone’s ass before one of you believes I’m any good?”
Jason knows Nico doesn’t strictly feel like this anymore, that these are his old insecurities speaking, but healing isn’t easy and Hazel’s comment has re-opened more wounds than she could have imagined.
“I’m the only one you’re not speaking to, though,” Jason reminds him, annoyed. He should tell him that he loves him and he’s sorry, instead of letting his jealousy show its ugly head so blatantly, but he can’t find the right words yet and, to be frank, he wants to know what this is about.
“I expected it from them,” Nico says, all anger seemingly gone out of the window. “When I found out not even Percy had vouched for me, it hurt. A lot. But I hadn’t really expected anything different… I had lied to him,” Nico’s voice quivers a bit, “and I know our relationship is difficult. The others don’t even know me. I thought you’d be different.”
It’s pretty impressive how Nico has managed to tear Jason’s heart out of his chest, eat it raw, spit it out at his feet and stomp on it without even moving.
“I didn’t know you either,” Jason whispers.
“I know. I guess I liked the idea that you’d given me the benefit of the doubt even before Croatia. That it wasn’t just pity, when you asked to be my friend,” Nico’s voice is getting weaker and weaker. He’s about to cry, Jason realizes with horror. He’s not angry anymore, and he’s an idiot.
He’s in front of Nico in two steps. He takes his hand in both of his. Nico thinks he’s possessed, probably. He’s changed moods more times in five minutes than he did in all the time they’ve known each other.
“Jason, what-“
“It wasn’t pity. It wasn’t then and it’s not now. You’re my best friend, Nico, and it’s not an excuse, but I didn’t know you at the time and I didn’t know if I could trust you. I would go back in time and punch myself in the face for even thinking of leaving you there. I know you’ve worked hard to earn people’s trust,” his grip around Nico’s hand tightens, “but I worked hard for yours too. Because I cared. I care. And if I have to earn it all over again, I will. I’m not giving up, so stop pushing me away and either punch me or accept my apology or tell me you need some space, but don’t shut me out. I deserve your anger, but not that.”
Nico doesn’t say a word for far too long, shock written all over his face. Jason doesn’t let go of his hand. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, after a minute of deafening silence. “I’m sorry.”
Nico winces. “No,” he shakes his head. “This is stupid. You were right before, I… I have no right to be angry. You didn’t even know me. You had no reason to trust me.”
Jason resists the urge to face palm. How typical of Nico to backtrack when they are so close to the win.
“Fine. I’m still really sorry.”
“Stop saying it.”
“Do you accept my apology?”
“You shouldn’t have had to apologize.”
“Clearly, you don’t. I’ll have to work harder,” Jason sighs theatrically. He’s teasing. He knows he’s forgiven, he’s been forgiven since Nico started to stare at him like he’s suddenly turned green.
Nico didn’t know Jason cared, and now he knows. This is worth the two non-friendship weeks, Leo’s tongue lashings, the jealousy over Percy, a few campers witnessing his ass being handed over to him three times in a row (whom he will need to thank for making themselves scarce the moment they started arguing), and all that was in between.
“I accept your apology!” Nico raises his hands to Jason’s chest in a surrender gesture. He’s red from head to toe. “Please, don’t work harder. This is… Jason, you didn’t need to say all of this.”
Jason looks down at him.
“Do you believe me, though?”
Nico nods and relief washes over him.
“I was unfair to you-“ Nico starts.
Jason stops him before he can go on.
“No. Anybody would be hurt if they found out what you have.”
“You’re not responsible for my mood.”
“Maybe. But I can make it a bit better by swearing to you that nothing so stupid will ever cross my mind again.”
“Jason, please, go back to normal.”
Unfortunately for Nico, Jason is tired of walking on eggshells around him for fear of scaring him off. It’s what he’s done until now, and it almost ruined what they have.
“This is my normal. You’re that important to me,” he tells him.
And then Christmas must have come while he wasn’t looking, because Nico fills whatever little space there is between them and hugs him tight. He’s never seen Nico initiate a hug, but Nico’s arms are around his neck and his head is on Jason’s shoulder and Jason hasn’t put them there, which means Nico has initiated a hug. He’s so surprised and happy that he almost doesn’t hug back. Almost.
He’s so fucked, Jason briefly thinks. He’s smitten. Obsessed. Gone. Ciao ciao.
So he ignores Thalia-Reyna-Piper again and, when Nico pulls away and looks up to say something, he leans in for a kiss.
Nico doesn’t move out of his reach when he understands what’s happening, but he jumps like he’s been electrocuted, which is a real possibility, the moment their lips touch, and takes three steps back.
A mix of panic and disappointment presses deep in Jason’s chest and stomach. He should have asked, some part of his brain is screaming, but he so clearly leaned in and waited for Nico to close the gap, and Nico had… or has he read him wrong?
He can’t believe he has messed up again in the span of two minutes. Before he can decide how to most efficiently bury himself in the ground of the training area, Nico clears everything up for him.
“Do you feel sorry for me or something?” he spits, his tone hard.
Jason lets out a shaky laugh, relieved and astonished. This boy is exhausting. And dense. And beautiful.
“No, Nico. I like you. A lot.”
Nico’s mouth opens a bit.
“You what?”
“Do you think I was kissing you for practice?”
“I thought… never mind,” Nico murmurs, and has the dignity to look ashamed. He raises his hands to his face, mumbles something in Italian, then takes a big breath.
“I’m an idiot,” he says after a while. “Try again?”
Nico’s tone is uncertain, as if he expects Jason to yell “TOO LATE” and walk away. Jason, however, is in love, and gets closer, and closer, and closer, and tries again.
Nico is napping on his chest.
It’s a pleasant turn of events.
They kissed in the amphitheater for a good minute, then they heard the Ares cabin coming for their daily training and went to hide in Nico’s cabin to be left in peace, and they talked and made out and now Nico is curled up on his body, sleeping deeply.
Six months earlier, Will Solace had told him he needed to sleep more than other people to regain all the vital strength he’d lost over the course of the years, and Nico has been happy to follow his directions ever since.
He sleeps a lot. Just not on top of Jason, usually.
One of Jason’s arms circles his waist and the other is caressing his hair. Nico’s cheek is smushed against his chest. He looks so pretty that Jason has to restrain himself from kissing every single inch of his skin.
“I like your arms,” he murmurs into Nico’s ear, just to say something.
“You’re so weird” is the sleepy answer.
Jason wants to hit his head against the wall. Could he not embarrass himself for one minute? One minute, that’s all he asks.
“Oh. You’re awake.”
“Mmph.”
“An excellent observation, my good sir.“
Nico chuckles. Then he stiffens, and Jason realizes he must have noticed where he is. He had slowly collapsed on his chest while they spoke of… Jason can’t really remember, and during his sleep he has basically climbed on top of Jason, who doesn’t mind at all, for the record, and wants Nico to stay there forever.
Nico is how he is, though. He immediately tries to get off of him, panicked, but Jason stops him before he can do something stupid like apologizing or running out of the room.
“Don’t run away.”
Nico blushes. “I won’t.”
Jason sits up, and so does Nico (who makes a show of doing it extremely slowly because “See? Not running”), and he wraps an arm around Nico’s shoulders.
Is this how it’s going to be now? Just sharing as much physical space as possible with each other? Jason can live with that.
“I don’t want to go to dinner,” Nico says, at some point.
“I’ll make you.”
“I’m lazy.”
“You need to eat.”
A shrug. “Bring me food, then.”
“Why should I?”
Nico gives him a small grin.
“You know, when I was in the jar, I starved for so many days-“
Jason groans and hides his face in Nico’s shoulder. Talk of playing dirty.
“Fine. I’m going to do whatever you want for the rest of my life.”
He can feel Nico’s smile widen.
“That’s too much. A year is more than enough.”
“A month?” Jason tries, still speaking to a shoulder.
“Two months.”
It’s a joke, but what doesn’t feel like a joke is the fact that Nico will always win, because Jason will always let him.
“Two months it is,” he says, and gets up to get food.