Work Text:
-Stede-
Stede stared out into the empty nothingness of the ocean stretching out in front of him, trying to figure out how he would ever find The Revenge out here. The answer was probably that he wouldn't, but that couldn't be it. He had to find that ship, and he had to get to its captain.
A gust of wind forced him to kneel and grab to side of his little dinghy to avoid falling.
He sighed dejectedly, exhaustion and regret coursing through every inch of his body. About six hours had passed since he had dropped his crew off on the nearest dock, and he hadn't gotten a break in rowing since. He'd left whatever scraps of money he'd had with Oluwande, hoping he would be able to use it for something useful, as Stede couldn't really leave without the supplies he'd gathered and the crew desperately needed water and food.
Now, as the sun began to dip beneath the horizon, he wondered if leaving them had been a good idea. After all, he was an awful navigator, and even less of a fighter if things came down to it. Having Jim along would've been the best, but Stede hadn't found them anywhere on the island, so he had assumed that they were either still on the ship or... No. They weren't dead. Ed wouldn't do that.
But then again, according to his crew, there was very little of Ed left. It was Blackbeard now. Still, Stede couldn't bring himself to accept the possibility.
Slumping back against the side of the boat, he felt an overwhelming urge to yell. He wanted to scream out to the world about how stupid he'd been, leaving Edward alone on that beach, going back to his old life where he had never been happy in the first place. A small nagging voice at the back of his head reminded him that he wouldn't have been able to live with the guilt of abandoning his family, but a much louder voice was screaming 'I need him! I can't live without him! Oh Ed, love, I'm so so sorry!'
A tear slipped from under one of his eyelids. It startled him; he hadn't realised his eyes had drifted closed. Lifting a hand to wipe the tear away, a lifted himself up heavily. A quick glance at the sun told him he had been sitting motionless for around half an hour. Huh, must've nodded off.
He stretched, then walked around the boat a bit to wake his legs up. Soon enough, he had the ores back in his hand and was rowing again, trying to remember what he knew about navigating. There were the four directions; North, East, South and West. Then there were those star pattern things...
Quick as a flash, a memory popped up in front of his eyes.
-flashback-
They were laying on the deck of The Revenge. Ed was pointing out different constellations, talking about how to use them for navigation.
...and then that one, that's the North Star. The easiest way to figure out where it ism is finding the Big Dipper; those seven stars forming the shape of a waggon, see?"
"Those?" Stede asked, trying to mask that he had been paying attention to Ed's expression more than his words. A faint flush tinted his cheeks.
"No-" Ed lifted his hand to take Stede's finger gently in his own, moving it so it was pointing at the right cluster of bright dots. "Those."
"Alright."
"The North Star points you North. You can use it for a fucks load of things, hell, you can tell the fucking time with it!" A huff of awed laughter escaped Ed's lips. He glanced over at Stede, grinning. "You can use that little dot to find your way anywhere. It's the direction I always go when I'm bored. The north has cool lights sometimes."
Stede snorted. "You mean the Aurora Borealis? I doubt that happens anywhere near England."
The other man's eyes widened seriously, though humor sparked in them. "Oh, I promise you, that-whatever you just said-is closer than you think. I've seen it on multiple occasions."
"Of course you have."
The two burst into laughter, earning themselves a scolding from the Swede.
-flashback ends-
The North Star. That's how I find you.
A soft smile split Stede's face as he recalled what had gone through his mind as Edward rambled on about that little white dot. You're my North Star, Edward darling.
It had been one of the few moments when he had actually allowed himself to believe there could be something more between them than just friendship.
Now, he turned his gaze up to the sky, searching the slowly darkening orange for the first signs of stars. It took a while, but he found the two wagons, then made out which was smaller.
Hope turned to determination as his sights landed on the tip of the Little Dipper, or as he had been taught, Ursa Minor.
Polaris was just as bright as it had been the last time he'd seen it, and it brought the same excitement. Though before, it had been an excitement without the desperate anticipation.
Stede rushed to turn the dinghy in the right direction and immediately started rowing harder than ever before. He knew that his chances of finding Ed were still miniscule, but at this point in life, anything was possible.
-
It took him a week to find The Revenge. A week in which he had gotten through all of the supplies he'd gathered before leaving. A week in which he hadn't seen anyone. And it had now been over two weeks since he had seen Edward. The lack of contact was wearing him down. So much so, that when he had spotted the ship, he'd though he was hallucinating. He couldn't have actually found it, right? But as it turns out, he had indeed actually found it.
Somehow, he wasn't seen as he rowed over to the ladder he'd had built into the side. It led up to a safety hatch that only he knew about. After a minute or five, he was in the walls of the ship.
Almost immediately, he was pinned to a wall.
"Ah-" A hand clamped over his mouth and an incredulous voice whispered; "Captain? Que carajo?"
He was released, which allowed him to drop to the floor. When he looked up, he saw none other than Jim staring down at him, a knife held loosely in their hand. "Hah! I knew Ed wouldn't have killed you!" Stede jumped up.
"Maybe not me, but he tried Lucius. I've been having to bring him food in here for the past two weeks." Jim propped their hat further up on their head. "And that was after I got accepted as an actual crewmate and not a fucking prisoner. Had to convince Fang to do it first."
Stede's eyes widened. "He kept you prisoner?"
Jim nodded distractedly. "Hey, where the fuck did you even come from? The way Blackbeard's been acting, we thought you were dead or something."
"Oh, well, I'm not. Not yet at least."
"You know what, I'll just take you to Lucius before Jizzy starts thinking I've jumped overboard." The knife wielding pirate spun on their heel, heading further into the ship. Stede jogged to catch up, and they walked the next minute in silence. Then, Jim stopped abruptly. "Hey, You haven't by any chance seen Olu have you?" A string of uncertainty had woven itself through their tone.
Smiling, Stede answered. "I have actually. Found the whole crew a week ago and got them to the nearest dock. Left them there with all the money I had on me." Jim's demeanor relaxed a bit. "Bien. Thanks Cap."
A short while later, they opened a door and the two of them stepped into a small room that Stede remembered used to be one of the secret closets he had. Now, It was a miniature version of a room, with only enough space for a bedroll and a bit of moving around.
On the bedroll sat Lucius, sketching something on the back of his hand with a bored expression on his face. Jim cleared their throat loudly. "Luc."
His head snapped upwards and he stared at Stede in disbelief. "What the fuck are you doing here?!" He yelped, leaning back.
Stede shifted uncomfortably, not quite sure how to answer. Eventually he settled on the simple version of things. "I've been in a dinghy for the past week trying to find this ship. And don't worry, Black Pete is safe, I found him on an island with the rest of the crew and dropped them off at the nearest port." His gaze slid to the hand Lucius had been scribbling on, then immediately snapped away. His cheeks were burning.
Lucius, seeing his reaction, glanced down and smirked. "Good. And I see you've finally figured it out?"
"Figured what out?"
He rolled his eyes. "That you're just as gay as the rest of us?" Exasperation laced his voice.
"Oh." Stede stared at him awkwardly for a minute, then; "Um, yes?"
Jim snorted derisively. "Estúpido. We all knew the second we saw you."
Suddenly, a loud voice rang through the hull of the ship. "Jimenez! Where the fuck are you!"
They straightened. "Shit. Gotta go." Then they ran off down the hallway. Lucius groaned and Stede stared around, trying to pinpoint where the voice had come from. Lucius, seeing this, told him. "Don't worry, that's just Dizzy Izzy. He's up on deck."
"Right."
A moment of strained silence passed. Finally, Lucius spoke up. "So, how exactly did you find us? You aren't exactly the best tracker."
"I uhm, I followed the North Star. Ed once told me that he goes North when he doesn't have any ideas... What?" Stede looked at his companion confusedly, not understanding the raised eyebrow smirk he was getting. Lucius sighed amusedly. "Nothing, Captain. Absolutely nothing."
More silence. Stede gazed around the tiny room, wondering where Ed was at the moment. Probably up on deck with Izzy. Or maybe in the captain's quarters? He could be anywhere on the ship. Hopefully he wouldn't be too angry about being left alone, though Stede would understand if he was. At first he'd thought that Ed would take him back with open arms, but when he'd seen his crew, marooned on a small island, he'd realised just how big his mistake had been.
Edward ad never liked being left alone without an explanation. He would always ask where Stede was going, and seemed to relax when he saw him again. It had given Stede the impression that Ed's childhood had left some lasting damage. Now, he was absolutely sure of it, and he also knew that the longer he waited with finding Ed, the more screwed he would be.
He leaned against the wall, sighing miserably. Lucius looked up and cocked his head. "What's up? You don't seem as annoying as usual."
Stede slid down into a sitting position, hiding his head between his knees. "How badly did Ed react to me leaving?"
Lucius sucked in a breath. "Oh, uh yeah... about that... You fucked up. Like a lot."
"That much I figured out by myself." Stede brought his head against the wall, eliciting a dull thud. Pain throbbed through his skull. His companion seemed a bit surprised by his willingness to admit to doing wrong.
"Well, by the state he same back in, we all thought you had died."
"Lovely."
Another round of silence followed, in which Stede wondered how Lucius had ended up here. It seemed strange that he would be a victim of attempted murder, Ed had always acted fond of him. Then again, he had liked Oluwande as well, and Olu had been marooned.
"How did you end up here? Jim told me that Ed tried to kill you." Stede asked.
"He pushed me overboard. But thankfully, Frenchie saw it and dropped me a ladder. After that, everyone's been taking turns bringing me food, cause it's too dangerous for me to leave the walls. By the way, thanks for not showing Blackbeard all of your secret passages. I'd be a dead man if you had." The words left a grimace on Stede's face. Then he realised something.
"Wait. Everyone? Does that count Izzy?"
Lucius laughed. "Surprisingly enough, yes. He's getting tired of Blackbeard's antics, so when I accidentally got myself caught, he acted as though he didn't see me. Then he got a pen, of all things."
"So he's warming up to you?"
"Maybe. I mean, he's finally allowed me to sketch him, so I take that as a complete win." A smile tugged at the corners of Lucius' mouth. "Hopefully Pete won't mind a threesome. Iz can be quite cute when he doesn't know you're there."
It appeared there were some new developments in place. Stede found it hard to imagine Izzy Hands ever being any type of 'cute', but maybe that was just his taste. He had never really been interested in anyone apart from Ed anyway.
"Lucius?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you know where Ed is?"
A double take later, Lucius nodded. "He hasn't left your quarters ever since the last raid. The only person allowed in there is Izzy, so we don't know what's going on." His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You aren't planning on going in there are you?"
Stede nodded distractedly, already calculating how to get in without getting killed.
"What?!" Lucius yelped, voice full of disbelief. "You do realize he's going to kill you?"
"He won't." Stede told him, getting up and brushing off his trousers. "I trust him."
"Of course you do."
"Bye Luc!"
"Wait!"
Lucius got up and grabbed Stede's sleeve. "You should have this. I'm pretty sure Ed threw it overboard a minute or so before me, and it probably has something extremely romantic about it, so here." He held out a peace of bright red silk. Stede sucked in a breath.
"That's- that's his-"
"Okay, stop telling me what it is and go get your man back. And later, force him to apologise for throwing me overboard!" Lucius added indignantly.
Smiling, Stede nodded, then turned to begin making his way through the passage. It was good to have someone to talk to again, but he had come here with a goal. He had to find Edward. He had to fix his mistake. Tenderly, he wrapped the piece of silk around his wrist, hoping that he still had a chance at a happy life with Edward.
-
Ten minutes of trying to remember how to get around his own ship later, he found the wardrobe he'd shown Ed when they'd first met. The memory of Ed's owlish eyes as he looked around at all the different fabrics was enough to bring back all the nostalgia he'd been trying to supress for the past two and a half weeks. He shook it off and quickly found the small peak hole he'd installed to check what was going on in the main room.
The first thing Stede noticed was the distinct lack of anything. All his decoration, all the books, painting and fancy furniture were gone. There weren't any lit candles either, so the only lighting was the slowly setting sun outside, filtering through the curtains.
Quickly, selfishly, he looked back to double check if the secret wardrobe hadn't been pillaged. Thankfully, it hadn't. All the clothes were where he'd left them, though a few had dark smears on them. Stede hoped that it would wash out. Catching himself before he could pay too much attention to the state of his clothes, he turned to inspect the quarters again.
The second thing he noticed was Ed. A small noise of misery escaped Stede's lips as he saw what he'd done to his love.
Ed was curled in a ball on the window seat, head hidden between his legs. Silent sobs shook him from head to toe and a few empty bottles clinked around with the sway of the ship at his feat. He was wrapped in Stede's red dressing gown, pressing the cloth against his cheek.
A distinct smell of alcohol permeated the room.
Stede considered the ways of approaching. His first option was just walking in, but that probably wouldn't work. It hadn't escaped him that there was a gun at Ed's side. The second choice was to allow himself to get captured, so that Ed would have to confront him. That would mean an audience though. And finally, the third option. Knock on the door and ask to come in. It was the dumbest while simultaneously the best idea he had. So, he chose the third.
He walked over to the door quietly, self doubt creeping in closer with every step he took. What if he doesn't want you back?
It was possible, yes, but unlikely. Just knock for goodness sake!
Well. No time like the present.
A deep breath, then a tentative knock. "May I come in?"
The sound of shattering glass and then a yelled curse followed. After that came a tired. "Whatever,"
He opened the door a crack...
Then had it wrenched from his grasp.
Quite a lot of things happened in the next two seconds.
The door flew open, causing Stede to loose his balance. At the same time, a stifled noise of shock sounded somewhere in front of him. A millisecond later, he was pushed back against the wall and had a white-hot spike of pain flaring throughout his midsection.
"Stede?" A broken voice asked from above him. Stede opened his eyes to see Ed there, staring down at him with mixed shock, rage, disbelief and joy emanating from his expression. Stede smiled weakly.
"Hello, Ed darling."
Quick as a flash, Ed pulled away, retrieving his sword in the process. Stede squeaked with pain as his guts were violated, but when he looked down, the blood was coming from a wound on the left side of his body. He sighed in relief.
"What the fuck are you doing here."
The coldness and abruptness of Edward's voice was sobering. Suddenly, the pain didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was the blankness of the eyes that used to be so expressive, the frigid cold of the voice that used to be as warm as the summer sun. Stede stared up at his love's face, his heart breaking a little as he took in how much damage he had caused.
-Ed-
"I'm here to apologise and explain. And, hopefully, regain what I wasn't aware I had lost." Stede's voice cracked on almost every syllable.
Ed scoffed and stalked away, stopping at the desk in the middle of the room and retrieving a knife that was stuck in the wood. "And what exactly have you lost Bonnet?" He tried to fill the words with as much spite as possible, but they conveyed too much of his real exhaustion to be convincing. He hadn't slept properly in weeks and the depravation was catching up to him. All he wanted to do was pull Stede over to the window seat and curl up in his embrace. But that wouldn't happen. It couldn't happen.
But naturally, Bonnet had different ideas.
"I lost you, Ed. I made a mis-"
"Don't call me Ed. It's Blackbeard." He snapped, turning his head so he could see Stede's reaction from the corner of his eye. What he saw surprised him.
Stede was standing upright, despite the bleeding wound in his side. Thank god I didn't stab him on the right side... There was a look of determination on is face that had never been there before. He wouldn't be backing down until he made his point. Not a trace of fear had made it's way to his gaze. Ed looked away. The longer he saw that face the more he wanted to give in to the need he felt.
He realised he'd been leaning towards Stede a bit. Frustrated, he forced himself to move even further away. To his great annoyance, Bonnet followed. Ed had to push back the urge to run to his side when he stumbled, clutching at the stab wound.
"Ed, please hear me out. I'll understand if you want me to leave after, but please just let me explain." Stede's voice alone triggered so much turmoil in Ed's thoughts that he couldn't see straight. He sighed. "Fine. But if your words don't satisfy me, I'll kill you myself." When he turned, he immediately took two steps back. Stede had covered most of the distance between them and was reaching out for Ed's hand, looking crestfallen when Ed jerked it away.
"Explain or die." Ed growled, lifting the knife he was holding up to Stede's eyelevel. The blond man's eyes widened, then he blinked and opened them with that very same determination.
"I didn't leave because of you. I promise, it had absolutely nothing to do with you." His voice was even and soft, imploring. Ed felt the tears before they spilled, and furiously blinked them away. That voice had always had so much power over him. He hadn't minded before, he'd liked the kindness and fondness it held. Now, it was like a razor cutting through his emotional boundaries. He hated how much he had missed it.
"If not because of me, then why?" He hadn't meant to let his voice crack with desperation, but it did anyway. Stede's lips thinned, and Ed wondered if it was because seeing him like this was painful or annoying. He hoped it was the first one. As much as he hated Stede, he couldn't live in a world in which Stede hated him back. It would hurt too much.
"Oh Ed... I left because," He paused, trying to find the right words. "I left because I didn't want to ruin any more than I already had.." His eyes dropped to the floor, all the determination draining out and leaving behind a hopeless resignation.
"Ruin me?" Ed repeated incredulously. He moved to Stede's side despite himself. "Mate, did you perhaps consider that I thought of you as the best thing to ever happen to me?"
Stede looked up in surprise, and his gaze was so awed, so soft, that it took all of Ed's willpower not to melt into him right then and there. "No I- I don't think I did think of that," The corners of Stede's lips twitched upwards. "You think I'm the best thing that ever happened to you?"
With his face turning hot, Ed turned away. "Emphasis on 'thought'."
A sigh sounded behind him. Not annoyed or exasperated, just tired and, of all things, fond. "You remember how to use that word." Even Stede's voice conveyed the smile on his lips. Ed wanted nothing more than to taste that smile, to memorise every of the face it was set on. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to lose himself in the blackness of it, to get back to the Kraken mindset. Everything was so much easier when all he wanted to do was cause pain. It allowed him to feel less of his own.
"Darling, I didn't want to leave, I promise you that. Before your inside man woke me up, Chauncey got to me."
"Fuckin who?" Ed had stiffened. The word 'darling' spun around in his head, weakening his resolve even more. No one had ever called him that. Not even his mother, gods forbid his father. And now Stede. This pathetic excuse for a pirate. What has my life come to?
"Chauncey. Admiral Badminton. You know, the guy who wanted to stab me after you called the Act of Grace?" Stede was starting to get desperate. Probably because he was bleeding out. Wait.
"Fuck."
"Ed, what-"
Before Stede could finish the sentence, Ed had whirled around and grabbed him by the wrist, pulling him against his chest. He roughly lifted the man and set him on the desk, eliciting a yelp of surprise. He knelt and quickly checked the wound he'd left in Stede's midriff, cursing when the saw that the blood was still flowing. Immediately, Ed got up and stalked away to the bathroom, coming back soon after with a roll of bandages. He knelt back down and tore off a piece of his sleeve, dabbing at the wound and cleaning it out as best he could.
Once he was satisfied, he unwrapped the bandages and started carefully weaving them around Stede's torso, making sure to cover the hole. As he worked, Ed was vaguely aware of Stede relaxing into the touch, even leaning into it when his hand lingered in one spot for longer. At one point he glanced up and was shocked to see that the man had his eyes closed. It might've put a small smile on his face.
Not that there was anything endearing about such stupid and blind trust.
Finally, Ed was done. And by then, what he had done was sinking in. He had just helped an enemy. His number one enemy. Izzy would have his head for this if he wasn't so scared of losing another toe.
He got up briskly and walked over to the window seat. To his great relief, his body didn't react defensively when Stede moved over and sat down next to him.
"Well?" Ed prompted.
"Well what?" Stede asked.
"What did fuckmiral shitminton do." He had to look away so Stede wouldn't see him smile as a laugh escaped the other's lips.
"Oh, the usual. He held me at gunpoint, marched me into the forest, shit-talked me for a bit, then tripped and shot himself in the head because of how drunk he was." The last traces of laughter seeped from Stede's voice, and when Ed turned to face him, he saw that an eerie blankness had taken over his face. A pang of concern shot through Ed and he almost let himself put an arm around Stede and draw him into an embrace. 'Almost' being a key word.
"The things he said," Stede continued tonelessly. "They were true. I defile all beautiful things. I broke apart my family, I killed Nigel, I ruined you..." His voice cracked on the last word.
Now, this was probably supposed to convince Ed that Stede cared for him, but he had only caught one thing from the speech.
"You think I'm beautiful?"
Stede's head snapped up, feeling returning to his eyes. He was nervous. "I- uh-" He swallowed awkwardly."...yes?"
Their gazes met, and Ed caved in. He leaned over placed his head on Stede's shoulder, pushing himself closer and hugging Stede fiercely. Stede reacted instantly, putting arms around Ed and resting his chin on Ed's forehead.
They stayed like that for a while. Ed wouldn't have minded if they had stayed like that forever. But some things still needed to be said.
He pulled away, blinking furiously to keep the oncoming tears at bay.
"So why did you leave? You could've just come back to me, we could've talked it out," His voice betrayed him and a sob broke through at the end. Stede looked away ashamedly.
"I was a coward..." He murmured simply.
Ed tipped his head, confused. Then a thought struck him.
"Where did you go afterwards?"
Stede lowered his head even more. "I- I went back to my family." At the look of surprise and hurt spreading across Ed's face, he quickly followed up with a rundown of the next week.
"...And by the end, Mary helped me realise something. See, this is where the importance of Doug comes in. So, Mary fell in love with him while I was away, perfectly understandably, he's quite a nice chap, and so, after I got drunk and almost stabbed him, she took it upon herself to uh- Well, she tried to murder me in my sleep."
Ed, who had gotten a bit invested in the story, was now snapped back to reality. "What?!" He yelled, outraged. "Only I'm allowed to try to kill you!" Stede chuckled softly.
"Don't worry Edward, I woke up before she finished the job. Afterwards we had quite a chat, in which I just so happened to ask her how she knew that she loved Doug. And... Ed, with every word she said, I pictured us. She helped me realise something very important Ed, she helped me realise that I love you." Stede's eyes were so unbelievably soft, so genuine, so sincere... And of course, all that Ed did in response was a surprised hiccup.
Stede smiled fondly, waiting until Ed regained the power to speak.
"You- you love me?" He lost his voice again halfway through and ended up mouthing most of it, but Stede was paying attention to every detail of him so he knew what Ed was trying to say.
"Yes, darling, I love you with every fiber of my body. And I think I always have, I was just too naïve to realise it." He grinned at Ed and that was that, there was nothing more to forgive.
Ed let out a plaintive sob and lunged at Stede, causing them both to topple over into the pillows.
Soon enough, the two were laying side by side, watching the sky turn from orange to indigo. Ed was resting his head on Stede's chest, curled up against him and enjoying the safety that the arm wrapped around his waist provided. They hadn't spoken for a while now, and the first thing to break the silence was Stede's loving voice.
"You know how I found you, my love?" As he said it, he shifted so that they were face to face.
"Nope." Ed hummed, eyes closed and relaxed, the makeup he wore was smudged all over his face.
"Polaris. The North Star"
"You remembered that?"
"Of course I did. How could I forget when you are my North Star? You guide me when I'm lost, just as that tiny white dot guides you." He whispered, pressing a kiss to Edward's hair.
Ed's eyes cracked open, gazing up at Stede with a glimmer in his eye. "Does that mean you would be willing to watch the northern lights with me?"
Stede laughed. "I am willing to do anything you want dearest."
What he got was a halfhearted swat on the arm. "Stop it with the endearments," Ed muttered, burying his reddening face into the crook of his lover's neck.
"Oh dear. I'm afraid that is the one thing I can't do, Ed darling."
"Fuck you..."
"Maybe later."
"WhAT!?"
Stede burst out laughing and Ed couldn't help but join in. The joy of having each other back made what came next inevitable.
Ed wasn't sure which one of them made the move to close the gap between their two open mouths, and he couldn't care less.