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Jayce had categorized all of Viktor’s facial expressions. He knew the degree of the tenseness of his jaw and whether it meant he was tired, or annoyed, or getting hungry and not knowing. Jayce had spent years now pressing up against the walls Viktor had built around him, remaining steadfast and solid until Viktor made a door, one for each wall, slowly and surely. Jayce had always tried to be an open book for him, to be vulnerable on nights when they huddled together on the lab floor after an amazing victory - or even worse a frustrating loss of progress. Slowly letting his best friend know he was there and watching him grow from guarded eyes to dropped shoulders was the greatest challenge Jayce had ever faced. The second greatest challenge had been figuring out when his feelings morphed from platonic to something more, which he had done with the kind of scientific determination that he knew Viktor would be proud of.
All of that aside, Jayce knew Viktor pretty well. There had been things about Viktor he’d never found out, things he hadn’t seen or heard, and that was fine because as much as Jayce wanted to know a lot about Viktor he was entitled to his privacy, and Jayce held all the current knowledge he had of the other gently in his hands.
That being said, Jayce had never, ever, heard Viktor cry.
Certainly not with the gasping desperation that was over the phone now, Viktor just shouting Jayce’s name over and over again in a breathless heaving that had Jayce concerned for his oxygen levels. Trying to get any answers out of him was impossible, and it was the cracking “please” that Viktor let out on the tail end of a sob that shot him into action. He thundered through his house, nearly crashing into his mother on the way out, shouting some nonsense excuse as he ran out into the street to flag down a carriage. The way over to the academy was agonizing, tapping his foot and his fingers as he watched streets pass. The trip up to Viktor’s dorm was a blur, passing students rushing to classes in a whirlwind of papers and bags, rushing through hallways to the staff dorms.
He shoved a hand in his pocket, fumbling for the spare key Viktor had given him after Jayce had been allowed through the first wall, a show of trust that Viktor had been critical of. Skidding to a stop and nearly crashing into the wall, he blinked at a woman, gaze alarmed, hand raised as though to knock on Viktor’s door. Jayce could hear the muffled cries from a few doors down so he only assumed that she was concerned about his well-being. Catching sight of him as he walked toward the door quickly, she took a quick step back and collected her shawl closer to her.
“I heard a scream.”
She informed him quietly with wide eyes, taking in his grimace and serious gaze and backing off. Jayce nodded in thanks and unlocked the door, taking a deep breath as he gently opened it and slipped inside. The crying was much louder, Jayce doing a quick sweep to see if anything was out of place. Seeing nothing he quickly approached the hallway, seeing Viktor collapsed against the wall and curled into a ball.
“Viki?”
Jayce’s tongue curled softly around the nickname, an attempt to soothe as Viktor’s shoulders heaved violently under the weight of his choking gasps. Viktor attempted to hold in his sobs, hiccuping violently and raising his head just enough for Jayce to see his swollen and red eyes, tears streaming down his face in violent salt-soaked tracks. Viktor raised a hand to point shakily at the kitchen, eyes closing under the weight of his misery, resting his head back on his knees. It was ugly, the crying, born from heavy grief deep within.
Time seemed to slow as Jayce sucked in a deep breath and walked into the kitchen, his footsteps slow and unnaturally loud in his ears.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh no.
Jayce had a moment of visceral shock, brain haywire, before blinking rapidly and turning back into the hallway. He sucked in a deep breath and moved almost frantically to Viktor, dropping harshly to his knees and wrapping himself entirely around his lab partner, who practically shook apart in his arms.
Viktor had been delighted to adopt a small kitten from a frazzled student who had rescued a pregnant cat. The kitten was small, the runt of the litter, and had wiry black fur and a loud scratchy meow. Viktor had not been able to shut up about the kitten or focus on working for quite a while, and Jayce couldn’t say he’d been too bothered by it. They’d let the kitten explore parts of the lab, and Jayce had been delighted to see the two napping on the couch.
The same kitten, who had apparently had a medical emergency and was now laying in the kitchen, unresponsive.
Jayce swallowed back tears of his own and held Viktor in his arms, who was inconsolable. Jayce had never heard Viktor cry before, and under these circumstances, he would be the first to admit he’d wished he’d never heard it or have to hear it again. Jayce spent the next hour and a half battling Viktor’s guilty conscience, sobbed out in heaving breaths of “I should have been here” or “I could have saved him” which hurt something deep inside Jayce.
It was later, Viktor limp in his arms with exhaustion, eyelids heavy between whispers of “I wonder if he was scared” and “I hope it was quick” that he assured with the brush of his lips to the crown of Viktor’s head. Jayce realized that someone had to…clean the mess. The thought caused a harsh jolt through him and he realized with dizzying clarity that despite all of his love for Viktor, this was hitting him harder than he expected and he… he couldn’t do it. Blinking rapidly at the realization he fretted on what to do, gazing down at Viktor exhaustedly sniffling in his arms.
“Can I lift you?”
Viktor sniffled and raised his gaze, squinting suspiciously as he tried to gain control of his mouth and throat.
“Mn?”
“Lift you, just to the couch?”
Viktor nodded and rested his head on Jayce’s shoulder, wrapping an arm around his neck as Jayce wiggled into a position that gave him leverage. He lifted Viktor into his arms, wobbling a bit, being unused to carrying another human. Viktor was deceptively heavy, actually, for someone who looked so slight. Jayce moved him to the couch with care, settling him down and watching as he curled up, gaze vacant. Jayce left the room, avoiding the kitchen, and entered Viktor’s bedroom to find a phone. He allowed himself to sit heavily on Viktor’s bed, dialing the only number he could think of.
“Hello?”
“Mama,”
He croaked out, blinking against the sudden onslaught of grief blooming in his chest.
“Jayce? Jayce, what’s wrong baby? What happened?”
Jayce took an unsteady breath, starting and stopping his sentence several times.
“Breath Jayce, slowly, in and out-”
Jayce did the breathing exercises his mother walked him through, focusing on the soothing lilt of her voice and the confidence in her speech.
“Do you remember the kitten I told you about, the one Viktor adopted?”
“Yes, of course.”
“U-uhm-”
Jayce’s voice cracked and he took a moment to collect himself, hearing the sharp inhale from the other side of the line.
“Oh.”
“U-uhm I can’t, what do I do? I can’t, he’s so upset mama but I can’t touch-”
“You said Viktor lives in the staff dorms, yes?”
Jayce nodded before realizing she couldn’t see him, releasing an affirmative squeak against the sobs trying to escape.
“I’ll be right over.”
Jayce whispered a thank you into the receiver, as well as the room number, before gently resting the receiver back on the phone’s cradle and rubbing at his face harshly. He walked back to the living room, the light in the kitchen like a mocking beacon he couldn’t face. The floor creaked under his weight as he approached the couch, Viktor slowly raising his head to look at Jayce. Viktor looked awful, face pale and streaked with tears, eyes swollen and red, looking exhausted and grief-stricken. He reached his arms out with hesitation, eyes welling with tears, and Jayce jumped to greet his touch. He sat down and pulled Viktor close, feeling his partner press his hot face into his neck, the damp of hot fresh tears soaking into his collar. It was hard to tell how much time had passed but there was a soft knock on the door that startled them both out of the slowly calming atmosphere cocooning between them. Jayce gently untangled himself from Viktor’s hold, watching his lip tremble and feeling guilty as he checked to see who it was.
“Mama-”
Ximena Talis gently shushed him, a bag at her side and her hands cradling his face gently. She wiped tears from his eyes as he took a deep breath, stepping back from the doorway to invite her in.
“Where is the kitchen?”
She asked softly, removing the strap of her bag from around her neck and beginning to dig through it.
“That way, mama it’s-”
The world spun for a brief moment and she steadied her hands on his arms.
“-it’s a lot.”
She paused for a moment and nodded, directing him back to the living room with a gentle push and pulling rubber gloves from her bag. Jayce sat back with Viktor, who gave him a briefly curious look before being gathered back into Jayce’s arms. There was the sound of even but congested breathing, running water, and shuffling, almost soothing in nature. Jayce watched the clock on the wall tick the seconds by, and it wasn’t long before his mother returned, stepping into the living room. She’d met Viktor twice, and he’d been very shy both times about it, so Jayce wasn’t surprised to feel Viktor tense in his arms. She sat on a chair across from them, Viktor shifting to catch her in the corner of his view. Her hands folded delicately across her lap she did her best to catch his eye, gaze soft and soothing.
“There is a lovely tree in the garden in our backyard. If you wish, we can put him to rest there.”
Viktor’s shoulders shook and Jayce glanced at his mother gratefully, watching as Viktor nodded hesitantly and Ximena nodded back in confirmation. It took a while, but Jayce managed to get Viktor calm enough to stand and grab his cane, to grab a sweater for the cooling air as the sun set, and to covertly check the now spotless kitchen as they got ready to leave. Viktor didn’t ask about the body, and his mother offered no explanation as she ushered them both out and into a carriage to lead back home.
Jayce had to admit despite the bumps in their relationship, he loved his mother very much. She’d had to learn to be the strong one in these situations after his father had passed, and she’d been a miracle every single time. Even now she rolled up her sleeves and dug a hole under her beloved weeping willow, the bag she had brought next to her on the ground. Jayce supported the majority of Viktor’s weight, the line of his shoulders tense as he watched Jayce’s mother dig. Once she was satisfied she dusted her hands, dug through her bag, and pulled out an ornate wooden box, latched with a small golden lock. Jayce recognized it as her favorite trinket box, big enough to hold something precious, and decorative enough to be an impromptu tiny coffin.
Holding it carefully in her hands she glanced at Jayce, who blinked at her stunned, then turned to Viktor as she slowly stood. She hesitated before holding out her hands, but Viktor choked and lurched back, Jayce stumbling to keep him steady as he shook.
Jayce watched his mother gently bury the thing Viktor loved most in the world, taken from him so cruelly long before his time. Jayce watched something in Viktor be buried with him, shoulders slumped and sniffling quietly. Ximena offered a prayer in their native tongue, marking the grave with a garden rock and leaving the two to give them space. Jayce and Viktor spent a while outside, watching the sun set and the stars come out with the rise of the moon. If Jayce was grateful for one thing in this moment, it was Viktor being pliant to his suggestions. They entered the house again, his mother in the middle of finishing dinner, and he got Viktor to eat at least a little despite the circumstances.
“Have him stay the night, don’t let him go back there.”
Jayce’s mother whispered to him in passing, and Jayce nodded as he watched Viktor push his rice around on his plate. Jayce corralled Viktor to his room, handed him a change of clothes, and then changed himself. The two of them snuggled up on Jayce’s bed, a tight fit but appreciated on both ends either way. Viktor looked small in the borrowed shirt Jayce gave him, but Jayce attributed that to how small Viktor seemed to want to make himself, curled in and hidden from view. He carded a hand soothingly through Viktor’s hair, counted backward from 10 to calm himself, and closed his eyes.
“...Jayce?”
Viktor’s voice was hoarse from screaming and quiet with grief.
“Yeah, Viki?”
Viktor curled a hand in Jayce’s shirt, pressing his face further into his chest.
“Thank you.”
Jayce released a shaky sigh, pulling him just a bit closer and letting himself lay there and feel, unrestricted.
“Of course, anytime Viki.”
Maybe a brief vacation from the lab wasn’t a terrible idea.