Chapter Text
September 2023
As Maya puts the car into park and kills the ignition, she sighs heavily, and rubs her eyes wearily before inhaling a deep breath, meant to re-invigorate. She climbs out of the car and rounds to the back where she grabs the duffel bag she’s just acquired before locking the car and making her way back into the hospital.
They’ve been in Portland for just under a week, after deciding to take Dora on her first mini road trip to visit Carina’s good friend Marco and his wife Isabel. They’d enjoyed a relaxed three days with the other couple, catching up, eating good food and had enjoyed the opportunity to strap Dora into a carrier and experience some of the hiking trails around the area. Something they didn’t get to do as often as they’d like at home thanks to work and general life pressures.
Maya sighs as she stands in the queue for the coffee cart in the atrium of the OHSU Doernbecher paediatric hospital. She yearns to get back upstairs to Carina and the baby, hating having had to leave at all, but knowing that they needed clean clothes, something to eat and caffeine to remain functional for their little girl who was having to endure another overnight stay. Dora had come down with a nasty cough and fever two days previously and they’d battled through their daughters first spell with illness, their friends being gracious and understanding hosts as the baby grew increasingly unsettled and the new parents increasingly fractious.
The previous day, both Maya and Carina had grown more concerned as Dora had stopped feeding, was presenting as extremely lethargic and they’d eventually rushed her to the emergency room as her breathing had become laboured and she was clearly struggling to get enough oxygen. She’d been tested for RSV, quickly diagnosed with a severe case of bronchiolitis and admitted for oxygen treatment and fluids. They’d been at the hospital, by her side ever since. Both mothers trying but failing to remain unaffected, both utterly devastated by watching their little baby hooked up to the tubes and wires.
It was only when Maya realised that neither of them had brushed their teeth, put on deodorant or eaten anything in the last twenty-four hours that - although loathe to leave either of them - she’d suggested she’d nip back to Marco’s place, pack them a bag and grab them some food so that they could freshen up, try and replenish themselves even a little bit, in an attempt to remain functioning for Dora’s sake.
Maya taps her foot anxiously as she waits her turn in the queue. She fidgets with the strap of the duffel and lets out a frustrated huff of air that doesn’t go unnoticed by the patrons in front of her. “Sorry.” She says when greeted with a glare from the woman in front of her in the queue. She offers a contrite smile. “Just stressed.” She clarifies.
The woman lets go of her annoyance, sensing Maya’s distress. “No worries.” She says. “Hospitals huh?“ she smiles. Maya nods her head in agreement at that.
After the woman in front of her places her order, she steps aside and it’s finally Maya’s turn. She orders a cappuccino for Carina and a black coffee for herself before rummaging in her bag for her wallet. “Oh shit.” She says, throwing her head back, eyes closed in despair. “I forgot my wallet.” She says apologetically as she stands back up. “I'm so sorry, I must have left it upstairs.” She feels frantic, embarrassed, on the verge of tears over something so trivial. She’s exhausted and she really just needs a coffee.
“Here, I got it.” The woman from in front of her offers as she comes to stand by her and hands a twenty over to the barista.
“You don’t need to do that.” Maya argues.
“I know I don’t. But honey, you look like you’re about to have a breakdown if you don’t get some coffee, so just let me anyway.” The woman says with a glance her way and a smile as she takes her change. They step to the side.
“Thank you so much.” Maya says once they’ve relocated to wait for their drinks. “My head is all over the place. My baby is upstairs sick, and I haven’t slept.” She chuckles to herself at her uncharacteristic overshare. “Sorry,” she shakes her head. “You don’t care about all that.” She shifts the duffel strap on her shoulder again.
“Don’t apologise.” The woman tells her firmly. “And I’m happy to help. How old is your little one?” She asks.
“Four months.” Maya tells her with a sigh. “She’s got bronchiolitis and was admitted yesterday because she was having trouble breathing. It’s been a lot.” She says with a sad sigh.
“Oh, it’s so hard when they’re so small. I’m Michelle by the way. My son, Reggie was admitted when he was one for the same thing. Your baby…”
“Dora.” Maya offers.
“Dora will be fine.” Michelle continues comfortingly. “It’s awful for a few days, but she’ll bounce back.” She reassures.
“I hope so. Thank you. Again.” Maya says as their orders are called out for collection.
“Don’t mention it.” Michelle tells her as she takes her own drink from the cart. “Enjoy the coffee, and I hope Dora gets better real soon!” She says as she makes to leave and Maya smiles as she goes.
Maya heads back up to their floor with the two coffee’s. She stops in the waiting room nearest to the bay that Dora is admitted to and drops the duffel onto a seat in the waiting area. She puts the coffees down and slips her phone out of her pocket, firing a quick text off to Carina to tell her to meet her outside to spend two minutes together with their coffee before they switch places.
She doesn’t have to wait long before Carina joins her, and as she approaches she cocks her head, happy to see her wife again and even happier to see the coffees Maya has acquired. Carina slips straight into Maya’s arms, tucking herself against her and Maya breathes her in and holds her close. She’s only been gone an hour, but the toll having Dora in the hospital is taking is tangible in their tired bodies and their need to be together.
“I’m glad you’re back, Bambina.” Carina whispers against her neck.
“I know.” Maya says into her hair. “How is she?” She asks of Dora.
“She’s okay. The same. They’ve just had a shift change. I expressed whilst you were gone and she took a little from a syringe, so that’s something.” Carina tells her, lifting her head.
Maya nods in acknowledgement. “Definitely an improvement. Are her sats holding?” She asks.
“Si, on ten litres high flow.” Carina says of the nasal high flow oxygen treatment Dora is receiving.
Maya guides Carina to sit in one of the plastic chairs, and she moves to sit next to her, picking up the coffee and handing Carina’s to her. “Here, have this and then I’ll go sit with her whilst you go get freshened up. There’s a change of clothes, toiletries, and deodorant in here.” She kicks the bag at her foot.
“Grazie, Bella.” Carina sighs as she sips the coffee. Maya watches her closely, seeing the tension in her shoulders and the dark circles under her eyes.
“Do you want to go back to Marco’s for a shower and a nap?” She asks her wife, worried for her.
Carina shakes her head immediately. “No. I don’t want to leave her. I’ll be fine.” She says firmly, no room for argument.
Maya reaches out and rubs at her back soothingly. “Okay. Okay. Me neither, I know. You need to take some time out though and recharge, yes?” She negotiates.
Carina nods her head, before dropping her elbows to her knees and placing her head in her hands. Maya sighs at how exhausted she looks, but knows it’s futile to press the idea of her leaving for a little while, it would only result in an argument. Carina hasn’t been away from Dora yet, as she’d taken an extended maternity leave. At seventeen weeks old, Carina has spent every day with her and hadn’t planned to return to work for another month. This was not the way she was going to spend their first prolonged period apart, Maya knew.
As she finishes her coffee, Maya stands to toss the empty cup in the trash can. She holds her hand out for Carina’s cup and she drains the contents before passing it to her wife. “Grazie.”
“Okay, so I’ll see you in no fewer than thirty minutes.” Maya instructs her wife. “Take a proper break, please. I’ll be with her the whole time.”
Carina stands, picking up the duffel bag as she does so. She leans into Maya and presses a kiss to her lips. “Thank you Bambina, ti amo.” She breathes against Maya’s lips.
“I love you too. So much.” Maya squeezes her hand as they separate. Carina turns to head for the bathrooms down the corridor and Maya watches her go.
Once Carina is out of sight, Maya stretches and heads out of the waiting room towards Dora’s bay. Outside the door, she sanitises her hands and pulls one of the disposable gowns from the holder, pulling it on and tying it off. She presses the button for the airlock door and just as it swishes open, she feels a tug on her arm.
She spins around at the contact, to find a nurse she doesn’t recognise standing directly behind her. “Can I help you?” The nurse asks Maya.
“Oh, sorry. Yes. I’m just going to sit with Dora.” Maya points in the general direction of her daughter’s cot.
“I’m sorry, I can’t let you do that.” The nurse - Janet according to her name tag - says.
Maya laughs, thinking she’s joking. “Sorry?” She asks.
“I can’t let you into the bay, without authorisation.” Janet repeats firmly. “It’s family members only.” She adds.
Maya feels her eyes widen and her stomach drop, as it dawns on her what is happening. She clenches her fist in an attempt to stay measured. “I am family, I’m her mother.” She says slowly.
Janet shakes her head. “No, sorry. I’ve just met her mother.” She says.
Maya steps to the side, out of the way of the door as she hisses, “I’m also her mother. She has two mothers.” She feels her neck grow warm in embarrassment that this is happening here in the middle of a hospital whilst her baby is sick and alone in her cot. “I’m the Bishop in DeLuca-Bishop.” She says slightly louder now, disbelieving.
“I’m sorry, but until her mother gets here, I can’t let you in.” Janet says with an air of authority.
“I am her mother!” Maya cries, a desperate edge to her tone. “I can’t believe this!” She brings her hand to her chest and rubs there where her heart is thudding like it’s going to beat out of her body. “I’ve been here for the last twenty-four hours! I just stepped out to get my wife a change of clothes.” Maya feels frantic and her voice cracks as she argues her case. “You’re really not going to let me in there?”
Janet stands her ground and shakes her head. “I’m sorry. Until her mother gets here -”
“I’m her mother!” Maya all but yells. She takes a breath, reigns her temper in and whispers again. “I’m her mother. I’m on the birth certificate.” She feels tears fill her eyes but refuses to let them spill.
She turns away from Janet and away from the room she’s trying to get into. She brings her hands to her eyes and presses them there, trying to stem the headache that has started to thrum at the edges of her vision. “I can’t believe this.” She whispers to herself. She doesn't know what to do.
She turns back to Janet. “Dora is in there,” she points, “all alone and sick and you’re stopping me going to her. I promised my wife I wouldn’t leave her alone.” Her voice cracks again and she feels the panic rise in her throat. “Please, just, let me in to see her.” Maya looks around frantically for anyone that could help her case, but doesn’t recognise anyone. She does notice that they’ve drawn an audience though, several spectators looking on. She feels embarrassment and shame flood her body.
“Maya?” She hears Carina call out. “What’s going on?” She asks as she approaches through the group of spectators.
Maya feels blood rushing in her ears and as her wife approaches, she feels all of the rage and embarrassment bubble up inside of her and it threatens to spill out. She covers her mouth with her hand, unable to speak the words into existence. Maya doesn’t know that she’s ever felt as disarmed as she does in this moment, and the idea of giving voice to what is happening makes her feel sick.
“Maya?” Carina asks again as she reaches for her.
Maya just shakes her head. Carina turns to Janet. “What’s happened?” Then her eyes widen, as her brain jumps to the conclusion that something has happened to Dora. “Is it Dora? Oh mio Dio, what’s happened to my baby?” She cries.
“Dora’s fine. Dora’s fine.” Maya finds her voice in the face of Carina’s panic. She sees Carina let out a breath.
“Then what on earth has happened?” She asks again, growing frustrated at the lack of explanation.
Besides them, Janet coughs uncomfortably. “Your friend wanted to get into the bay, but unfortunately we couldn’t let her without your authorization.”
Carina lets out a bark of surprised laughter. “My friend?” She asks, raising her eyebrows.
“It’s really supposed to be family only, so without you here to authorise her access, we had to ask her to wait here.” Janet explains.
“She’s not my friend .” Carina says slowly as her brain catches up with what she’s being told.
Maya tugs on her hand, not wanting any more of a confrontation than has already occurred. “Carina -” She starts to say.
“You’ve been out here the whole time?” Carina interrupts, turning to look at Maya.
Maya looks at the floor. “They wouldn’t let me in.” She says quietly, embarrassed.
“You’re her mother.” Carina states, her voice sharp.
“With all due respect, Mrs DeLuca, you’re the baby’s Mother that i’d met -” Janet starts to explain.
“It’s Dr DeLuca-Bishop.” Carina snaps. “As in DeLuca ,” she points to herself, “ Bishop ,” and points at Maya. “She is my wife, she is Dora’s mother.” She stresses, incredulously.
“Carina, just leave it.” Maya begs. “Let’s just go see Dora.” She tugs on Carina’s hand.
“Bambina, this is not right.” Carina says, not ready to let it drop.
Maya glances around them at the faces of the people watching the spectacle they’re embroiled in on the corridor. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to do this here.” Maya says, desperate to get out of this situation.
“It does matter, Maya!” Carina exclaims.
“Carina, please!” Maya snaps. “Please let’s go see our baby. She’s on her own.” Maya all but cries.
Carina see’s the distress on Maya’s face, and takes a deep breath. Realising for the first time, through the adrenaline, how many witnesses they have to what is happening. She checks herself and her anger before saying anything more. Once she’s managed to regulate her heart rate slightly, she takes Maya’s hand in hers before turning to Janet and asking, “I assume I’m able to authorise her access now?”
Janet, for her part, has the decency to look somewhat embarrassed and just nods her head in response. Carina doesn’t say anything else and finally, Maya feels her tug on her hand and lead her through the doors into the bay where Dora lies in her cot with her nasal cannula in, eye’s closed, sleeping and oblivious to the turmoil of her mothers.
Maya stands at the cot side, unable to look at her wife. She reaches out a gentle finger and runs it along Dora’s soft cheek, careful not to wake her. She draws the little blanket that has been kicked off, back over Dora’s body and tucks it around her. “There you go my baby, that’s better.” She whispers as she does so.
Maya’s heart is still beating erratically, and she feels disconnected from reality. “Maya…” She hears Carina say, and feels her hand on her shoulder.
She doesn’t feel able to talk yet, still not quite sure of her footing in the world after her place in it had been questioned in such a stark way. She doesn’t turn, she doesn’t look at her wife, she simply shakes her head to signal that she’s not ready and her eyes never leave the infant laying in the cot.
She hears Carina sigh, but she offers nothing further. Maya places her palm gently on Dora’s chest where she lays sleeping and feels the rise and fall of her breaths in her tiny body. She matches her breathing to the rhythm and slowly allows herself to re-calibrate through the connection with her daughter.