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1.
The first time Eiji took a real photo of Ash一not just for a news article一was almost by accident. It was like a reflex. When he sees something beautiful, he reaches for his camera on instinct. The curse of a photographer’s eye, he supposed.
They were in Cape Cod. It was warm, windy; the grass swished around Ash and Eiji’s ankles as they wandered towards the sea. Eiji had insisted they go on a walk after they finished lunch. No one else had wanted to come, not even Shorter, seeming content to just let them go alone.
Eiji watched Ash from the corner of his eye一his hands were in his jean pockets, shoulders slightly hunched. He looked smaller here, somehow. Not like in New York, where he seemed to take up so much space. But the further they walked from the house, the more he grew back into himself.
“Is it strange being back here after all this time?” Eiji asked as they approached the water.
Ash’s gaze stayed on the shoreline. The wind whipped through his hair. “I guess.”
“Is it like how you remember it?”
He turned to hold Eiji’s eyes with his own momentarily, then he faced the waves once more. “Yes and no.”
There was something in his tone of voice, something that held a thousand unspoken words. Eiji inched closer to him, so their shoulders brushed.
“It is interesting how the details fade over time,” Eiji said. “I can still picture where I lived when I was younger一what my room looked like, where all the windows were, things like that. But it’s all…I don’t know the word for it in English.” He paused, thinking it over. “It is like fog. You can make out shapes through it, well enough to know what you’re seeing一but you can’t see the really tiny details.”
Ash hummed in understanding. “Long-term memory is very indecisive about what it likes to store away, especially in childhood. Sometimes it will make you remember the most trivial things, like the tune of a song on a commercial you saw once. Other times it will sear the things you’d most like to forget right into your skull. I don’t know why those things don’t get covered by the fog. As much as I try…” His voice trailed off, eyes shining like the sun on the water before them.
Eiji put an arm around Ash’s waist. He didn’t say anything; he didn’t need to. Ash leaned fractionally into Eiji’s side, accepting the touch.
“I’m sorry we’re here,” Eiji whispered, after some time had passed.
“Me too.”
Then suddenly, Ash broke away from him and flopped down onto the grass.
Eiji giggled. “What are you doing?”
“Cloud-watching. Used to do it all the time when I was a kid. I’d come out here and try to find the shapes of animals or people or objects in them. It was a game Griffin taught me, but I kept doing it after he left.”
“That sounds nice.”
Ash’s eyes were the same green as the grass around him. His body seemed to sink into it, finally relaxing completely. He had a slight smile resting on his face, eyebrows smoothed一a change from their near-constant state of being drawn together in seriousness. His arms were tossed above him, acting as a headrest. Suddenly, Eiji had an all consuming thought:
He is beautiful.
It struck him right in the heart, and it shouldn’t have surprised him the way it did. It was a simple truth, but he’d never really thought it directly until now. But the coagulation of Ash’s harsh angles and the soft green and yellow standing out against the blackness of his long-sleeve shirt were all at once breathtaking. Eiji sucked in air through his teeth, and his hand drifted to his back pocket, where his phone was.
Ash’s gaze was fixed on the sky. He hadn’t even noticed Eiji raising his phone and pointing the camera at him. As suddenly as the phone appeared, it was gone again一the photo taken. Eiji stood there gaping at himself (and a little at Ash), wondering what had possessed him to snap a photo of the boy without his knowledge or consent. But he was a photographer, and it was like a force had taken over his body at the sight of Ash lying there, looking so peaceful. He had to cement this moment in time. Keep it forever.
Suddenly the boy in question’s voice filled his ears. “Do you wanna join me, or are you just gonna stand there and stare forever?”
Eiji spluttered. “S-sorry,” he stumbled out. He laid beside Ash, mimicking his pose with his hands beneath his head.
They stayed like that till the sun dipped towards the sea, setting the world on fire to match the crackling heat beneath Eiji’s skin.
2.
It was late, too late, and Eiji was growing restless. Ash had left their condo sometime in the early morning before Eiji rose. That was normal一at least once or twice a week Ash would suddenly be whisked away by some unnamed thing. But he always came back before the day rolled over into the next, and now it was well past midnight. Two in the morning, to be exact.
Eiji couldn’t sleep.
He’d texted Bones, Kong, and even Alex, seeking after Ash. There was no response. He checked the news intermittently, praying there wouldn’t be a sudden appearance of blonde hair and green eyes, mangled and bloody. He could see the news headline now: Ash Lynx, New York Gang Leader, Dead. Eiji couldn’t stop the nightmarish visions that came with these thoughts.
Consequently, he paced their overly large apartment and kept his idle hands busy by making tea and cleaning the kitchen and just doing anything to keep his mind off the worst-case-scenarios that wouldn’t stop flooding him like a typhoon in a coastal city. It was hard to breathe when he felt like he was drowning.
It’s probably fine, he reasoned. Ash is Ash. Strong. He always makes it out.
It didn’t make him feel better. But there was nothing more he could do but wait. And wait. And wait. Each second stretched agonizingly long一an eternity lived in the breadth of an inhale一and Eiji wanted to scream at the ticking clock to hurry. up.
On his fifth cup of tea, he heard the lock of the front door click. He crossed the room in merely a heartbeat, just as the handle began to turn.
“Eiji?” The voice was warm and familiar. The weight of the solar system rolled off of Eiji’s back and tumbled down his fingertips to push through the floor and out of sight.
“Ash,” Eiji replied. They stood face to face, and Eiji couldn’t stop himself from crashing into the boy’s chest. “You’re safe.”
Ash buried his face in Eiji’s hair, arms encircling his shoulders. “I’m sorry. I’m okay,” he said.
“I thought something happened to you. Why would no one answer my messages?”
“They took our phones.”
“Who’s ‘they?’”
Ash pulled back to look at Eiji’s face.
“Eiji…” he warned.
Eiji ducked his head. “Sorry. It doesn’t matter. I’m just glad you’re safe.” He gave Ash’s arm an extra squeeze before pulling away entirely. “Let’s go to bed,” he said.
Ash hesitated. “Could we maybe just…watch a movie or something? I really don’t think I could sleep right now.”
Eiji was back at his side in an instant. “Are you alright?”
Ash nodded. “I’m fine. Just…got a lot on my mind.”
“Okay. We can watch a movie.”
“Thanks.” Ash gave him a soft smile, barely noticeable if you weren’t looking. But Eiji always was. He never wanted to stop tracing the pieces of Ash with his eyes until he memorized how they all fit together. Until he could conjure him up still, even if he were blind.
“Do you want to shower and get ready for bed first? Just so you’re more comfortable?”
“Yeah, I should do that. You can pick the movie, just put on whatever. I’m not picky.”
Eiji smirked. “Unless it’s a rom-com?” He’d picked up that term from Max, who strangely had a taste for the genre.
Ash shivered. “I told you, if you ever play one of those god-awful movies again I will personally throttle you out the window, and it’s a long way down.”
Eiji laughed. “No you won’t.”
Ash seemed to think about that for a minute, as if he were deciding how exactly to respond. Then his expression became looser and filled with something Eiji couldn’t describe, and he finally settled on, “Maybe not. But just know I’ll want to throw myself out the window at the very least.”
“Alright, alright. No rom-coms.”
Ash emerged from the bathroom a while later, and Eiji had a cup of tea ready for him with the film he picked out on pause. He accepted the mug gratefully, settling down next to Eiji on the couch. Their thighs brushed; Ash had chosen to sit very close. He tried not to focus on the contact.
“So what are we watching?” asked Ash.
“‘Back To the Future,’ as long as that’s okay?” Eiji replied.
Ash settled further into the cushions. “Fine by me.”
Eiji pressed play and wiped his hands on his shorts. They were clammy with nerves. He always got sort of antsy when he and Ash were this close in proximity一not in a bad way; on the contrary, closeness was something Eiji sought out like water in the desert. But still, his heart pounded, and he worried Ash would notice how he purposely kept his hand on the side of his thigh so it would just barely nudge against the other boy’s leg. It was dangerous, but he was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. He wanted to burn; he already felt on fire.
Ash placed his hand on his own thigh, too. Slid it down一down just enough to where his pinky brushed against Eiji’s. Eiji held his breath, not daring to move. So afraid to scare Ash off with even the discarded air from his lungs.
A moment passed, then several, of this tentative touch that somehow turned his whole arm into gasoline-soaked kindling that burned brilliantly and painfully, spreading from his little finger upwards. He wanted to pull away. He wanted to seize Ash’s hand and press his palm into the other’s. He wanted一
His thoughts were interrupted by a slight snore coming from the space of couch next to him. Eiji turned, taking in the sight of a sleeping Ash. His head lolled to the side, resting on the back of the couch, his lips parted and soft exhales escaping. Eiji’d never seen him fall asleep so quickly before. He really must have been tired.
This was his favorite. Ash looked so different in sleep一his features were lax and void of any of the shadows they normally held. For a little bit of time, he was safe, protected from the harshness of the world he lived in. He was at peace. At least until those shadows crept into his dreams, and his face would screw up in anguish, his chest heaving, and Eiji would grip the bedsheets to prevent himself from wrapping the boy in his arms when he would cry out in his sleep.
But this part一Ash looking so soft, comforting, and peaceful一Eiji loved. His fingers itched, a phantom feeling that could only be satisfied by swiping away the hair that fell over Ash’s eyes to tuck it behind his ear. That was better. He could see his eyelashes fully this way一blonde and sweet and perfect.
Eiji was in trouble. God help me, he thought.
Before he knew what he was doing, he was opening his phone’s camera and snapping yet another photo. It couldn’t be helped, really. He wanted to remember this forever: Ash dozing on their shared couch, bathed in the milky glow of the television. He wanted to blaze the image on the back of his eyelids so he’d see it in his dreams. Maybe in them, he’d be brave enough to close the space between their hands completely. Maybe in his dreams, Ash would lean over and rest his head on Eiji’s shoulder to sleep there, instead.
Eiji guided Ash’s sleeping form down, lifting his legs so all of him was lying on the couch. He brought him his pillow and slipped it beneath his head, and the boy hardly stirred. Ever so gently he covered him with a blanket, kneeling beside him. He even dared to rest a hand on Ash’s arm beneath the blanket.
“Goodnight, Ash,” he whispered. Reluctantly, he went back to their bedroom, smiling at the photo he’d taken on his phone until sleep overtook him, too.
3.
Eiji had practically begged Ash to let him out of the condo at sunset so he could take pictures of something not Golzine-related for once. Ash had finally relented on the condition that he come too, to keep a close eye out. Not that Eiji would have complained. He would follow Ash anywhere; it was nice that Ash wanted to follow him, too, even if it was just for safety purposes.
It was good for him to breathe the outside air every once in a while. It grew stuffy, all cooped-up indoors. Especially when Ash wasn’t there to breathe life into their shared space. To breathe life directly into Eiji’s lungs.
It was getting worse. Every day this unspoken thing grew in the center of his chest, spreading outward until he was plagued with it. It affected his every thought, every action一it hung over his head and flashed in bright neon lights whenever his eyes connected with green.
You’re in love with Ash Lynx.
He’d always sort of known it, deep down一but it grew to become more glaringly obvious in recent weeks. And they did have some silent understanding between them that what they had was something a little more intimate than friendship, but as far as Ash was concerned, this was it. There would be no more lines crossed, no more venturing out into the deep-end一it would be this, the lines of friendship and something more blurred, stuck in this liminal space for eternity. At least, that’s what Eiji assumed. He’d never seen Ash hesitate to take something he wanted. If he wanted more with Eiji, then he’d seek it out, right?
And he was fine. He was really fine with it, because at least he had Ash at all. At least he had soft touches and warm smiles and comfortable domesticity as their lives intertwined and became a single thing. A shared treasure they both held close. It was enough; it had to be.
But as the pair walked towards the edge of the city, the bay rising before them, Eiji wished away the space between them. He had his camera slung around his neck, so his hands were free. Every once in a while he’d stop them to snap a quick photo of the skyline or something interesting he saw in the street, and Ash would patiently wait with a fond look on his face. A fist clenched around Eiji’s heart.
Sometimes Ash would grab onto Eiji’s arm to pull him out of the way of foot traffic or drag him down a shortcut. Sometimes he’d sling an arm around his shoulders to keep him close and safe while his sharp eyes darted around the city, ever-vigilant. Sometimes his hand would find the small of Eiji’s back to guide him. It didn’t really need to be there, but they both said nothing. It was part of the blurred lines they wouldn’t cross. Eiji just accepted that.
He wished he could unscrew his skull and dump out his thoughts into the sea that now rose before them. Just lean out over the metal railing and pour them all over the side and watch them mingle with the blue below. He’d feel better then, he was sure of it.
“Well, aren’t you going to take some pictures? That is what we’re here for,” Ash said.
Eiji startled, extracting himself from the interior of his mind and forcing himself back out. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”
Ash looked at him funny, cocking his head to the side in question. “You okay?”
Eiji took him in, the golden last light of day falling over his face like honey and making his hair glisten. His eyes could rival the brilliance of stars, glowing with their emerald hue. His cheeks were stained a faint pink from the warmth of the sun. And his lips一
“Eiji?”
“Can I take a picture of you?” He hadn’t even realized he’d asked the question out loud until Ash’s face screwed up in confusion.
Eiji hurried to make amends. “Uh一I mean, you don’t have to say yes, it’s just一th-the lighting is good, and, um一I probably shouldn’t have asked一”
“Alright.” The corner of Ash’s mouth quirked up in amusement at Eiji’s flustered state.
“Really?” Eiji asked, shocked.
“Why not?”
Eiji readied his camera with slightly shaky hands, adjusting the settings while Ash settled against the railing.
“Um, just look out at the water and pretend you don’t know your picture is being taken.”
Ash laughed, a short little exhale of breath. Eiji felt like he was going to pass out.
“Okay, Mr. Photographer. Make me look pretty.” You do that all on your own, Eiji thought.
As he pressed the shutter button, he felt some of the aching leave his chest. At least I have this. At least I can capture light itself and look back on it forever一hold it close and have it perfectly cemented in my memory.
Eiji Okumura was a photographer who liked to photograph beautiful things. For the first (real) time, his camera, not merely his phone, leveled on the one thing he wished he could take a thousand photos of, the one thing he knew for certain he could photograph again and again and never get bored of. There would always be something new to capture, a new detail to focus on一because to Eiji, Ash Lynx was the most beautiful thing in the world.
He inspected the photos in his viewfinder, and somehow he knew it was his best work yet. Ash leaned over his shoulder, trying to see, too.
“Shit,” he said.
“What? You don’t like it?” Eiji felt his shoulders slump in disappointment.
“No, it’s not that. I actually think this is the first picture of myself I’ve not hated. It feels weird. But good, I guess.”
“Oh.” He didn’t really know what to say. If he should take it as a compliment or not. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Ash said. “Thank you.”
Eiji blushed. “You don’t have to thank me.” I should be thanking you, for giving me a piece of yourself I can hold close. For allowing me to show you how beautiful you are.
When they made it back to the condo safely, Eiji quickly got to work editing the photos. Once he finished, he emailed them all to himself so he could save them to his camera roll. He made one of them his home screen background. If Ash noticed, he never commented on it.
4.
Eiji was dreaming. He knew he was一his body was all fuzzy and so was the world around him; everything felt surreal. But there was a faint voice outside of his dreams, growing louder as it pulled him from his sleep. It was so hard to think, to form thoughts in his unconscious state, but somehow, he knew it was Ash. He was crying, thrashing around in the bed next to his own, and Eiji needed to wake up. He needed to be there, just in case.
He wrestled with himself, forcing his mind to cooperate and clear away this sleepy fog so he could open his eyes. Slowly, the faint light that filled the room hit the back of his eyelids as he came out of the darkness. He blinked a few times, and then sat up quickly.
Ash was not in his bed. “Ash一” he began to call out, but then a hand fell on his shoulder. He turned towards it, and there he was, standing at his bedside. His eyes were wide and glassy, and Eiji had heard correctly: he had been crying. He stared at Eiji, as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Suddenly, Ash was crashing forward into him and burying his face in Eiji’s neck. Arms encircled his waist as they fell back towards the bed.
Eiji held on, and held tight. Ash breathed shakily into the space between his head and shoulder, sucking in short little breaths and letting them back out far too quickly.
“Slow your breathing,” Eiji commanded softly. He demonstrated, taking a deep breath in, holding it for a moment, then blowing it back out. The next time he did it, Ash followed.
After a few repetitions of this, Ash said, “You died. I had a dream you died.” It almost made him start again, but he took another deep breath inwards.
Eiji’s heart ached. He’d had dreams like that before; he’d even thought Ash had been dead in real life before一he didn’t think there could be a worse feeling than that.
“I’m here. I’m safe, Ash.” He petted the boy’s hair, running his fingers through the soft strands of it. Ash sank deeper into his arms.
“Can I stay here, just for a while?”
Eiji’s eyes were already beginning to droop shut again.
“Always.”
Eiji awoke again to an empty bed. He turned his head towards Ash’s, and he wasn’t there, but instead he sat in the window with a book. He had his glasses on, and he seemed to be at peace. The light from the window created a halo around him, and he shone in his baby blue button-up shirt.
Eiji slipped out of bed to find his camera. It’d been a while since he’d last taken Ash’s picture, and now that he had real, professional photos of him, he wanted more. He wanted to keep showing him what he saw each time he laid eyes on Ash.
“Good morning. Leaving without a word? Very uncharacteristic of you,” Ash said, before Eiji could leave the room.
“Uh一good morning, sorry. I was going to get my camera. You don’t mind if I take more pictures of you?”
Ash smirked. “How come you always wanna take pictures of me?”
Eiji’s face burned hotter than the summer sun on asphalt. “Because.”
“That tells me a lot.” His smirk only grew.
“Who else am I supposed to take photos of?”
“Are you sure it’s not ‘cause you think I’m pretty?” Ash was preening.
Eiji was certain he could see the furious shade of red his face was turning. He could feel it burning all the way up to his ears. “Aw, you’re cute when you blush.” Well that proves it.
“Shut up,” was all he could muster before he was practically running out of the room.
“Come back with your camera! And some coffee!” Ash called after him.
That Ash, he thought. Always so quick to perk up and get on my nerves. He ended up bringing the camera and coffee anyway.
“Thanks, sweetie,” Ash said when he was handed the mug. Eiji swore it was just so he could see him blush again.
“Just go back to reading your stupid book so I can take pictures.”
“Anything for you,” he said with a wink. What was with him today?
Eiji was certain none of the photos would come out with the way his whole body was thrumming with the force of his heartbeat. But he managed to take some decent ones, with Ash’s back against the wall and one leg bent on top of the windowsill. Eiji loved the way his glasses softened him一made him seem younger, somehow, and not like a vicious gang leader. He looked like Aslan Callenreese. And now he had a photo of it, with Ash’s mouth still faintly quirking up to one side.
Eiji changed his home screen again.
5.
Eiji was bored. So very, very bored. Ash had been gone all morning and afternoon, and no one had stepped foot in or out of Golzine’s building in ages. He had given up hours ago, and now he was flipping through the channels on the television, his eyes half-shut with the heavy weight of all-encompassing boredom. Finally, he settled on a baking show. Some lady was mixing batter in a bowl, adding various ingredients intermittently.
“Why is there a show of this,” he said aloud. “That doesn’t look hard. I could do that.”
“Bet you couldn’t.”
Eiji whirled around in his spot on the couch, nearly jumping out of his skin.
“Ash! I didn’t hear you come in! Welcome back. Also, it’s really not that hard to put stuff in a bowl and mix it.”
“Nah, you’d mess it up somehow.”
Eiji raised a challenging eyebrow. “Oh yeah? Why don’t we find out, then?”
Ash chuckled. “What, you mean like make your own cake? Bad idea, I should probably supervise if you’re gonna do that.”
Eiji stuck his tongue out. “Whatever. I’m bored and it sounds fun, let’s go down to the store and get the stuff for it. What kind of cake do you like? I’ll try to find a recipe.”
“I don’t know, chocolate?”
“Hmm…let me see.”
The pair made their way to the downstairs grocery store after Eiji found a suitable recipe. “It has five stars!” he assured Ash.
“Better live up to it.”
Eiji ordered him to push the cart as they went up and down the aisles searching for various items. At one point Eiji tried to reach some vegetable oil that was on the top shelf, and Ash just let him squirm on his tip-toes until finally he took pity on him, retrieving the bottle for him with a poorly-suppressed laugh. Eiji grumbled at him, giving him a shove to the chest. That just made Ash laugh harder.
Once they were all checked out, it was time to get to work in the kitchen.
“Alright, prepare to eat your words,” Eiji said, “And a delicious cake.”
Ash shook his head, barely concealing a smile. “Your determination is cute.”
“Shut up,” Eiji said, turning quickly to hide the color in his cheeks.
They gathered all the ingredients, Ash handing him things whenever he asked, but Eiji did most of the work. Once all the wet ingredients were mixed, he retrieved a separate bowl for the dry things. While he did that, he told Ash to open the flour.
“Get some scissors. It’ll probably be safer since it’s so full. You don’t want it to explo一”
“Ah!”
Eiji jumped at the sound of Ash yelping. He spun around, the sight of the boy completely covered in flour flooding his vision.
“What…”
“Don’t. Say. A word.” Ash was pouting, well on his way to fuming, and Eiji held his breath.
It didn’t work. He burst into a fit of giggles with a great expelling of air. It only served to make Ash grumpier.
“And you一you said I was the one who needed supervision,” Eiji said between laughing spells. Ash’s petulant expression and floury state made him look like a child. It was adorable. Before Ash could protest, Eiji grabbed his phone and snapped a photo.
“Delete that,” he said immediately.
“Nope. Never.”
Ash crossed the room, attempting to wrestle the phone from Eiji. “Hey, you’re getting flour all over me, too!”
“Give me the phone and I’ll stop.”
“Sorry, no can do.”
Ash hmphed, worsening Eiji’s amusement.
“C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up,” Eiji said. He stepped closer to Ash, who had backed away to sink further into his strop. Then he raised a hand to Ash’s cheek, using his thumb to swipe away the powdery residue from his cheek, the corner of his mouth一and suddenly Eiji realized they were dangerously close in proximity.
Ash’s face had finally softened, and now he was staring at Eiji, seemingly transfixed. His hand found its way to the small of Eiji’s back, the way it always did, somehow一but now it wasn’t so easy to write off. Now it was more deliberate. Intimate.
The space between them filled with their breaths, and Eiji raised himself up slightly on his toes. It would be so easy, so so easy to close the final gap一Ash was already swaying forward, it seemed, leaning into Eiji, his fingers working circles into the base of Eiji’s spine一
“I’ll go get a washcloth.” The moment was gone, the electric atmosphere dissipated.
They never finished the cake.
+1
It was eleven in the morning, and Ash still wasn’t up. Eiji had checked on him at random intervals to make sure he was still breathing, and he hardly even stirred. Eiji was not pleased. Well, he was一it made him happy that Ash was getting some much-needed rest, but only at the expense of his agonizing lack of entertainment. Thus, at eleven in the morning, he decided to finally wake him up.
Ash didn’t even open his eyes, as usual. Eiji knew he could hear him though, so he decided bribery would be the best route to take.
“I have a fresh, steaming cup of coffee for you, Ash. Come and get it before it gets cold.” Then Eiji left and scrambled to go make said coffee.
Once he was finished, he set the mug down on the coffee table, sat on the couch with the morning newspaper, and waited. He almost forgot what he was waiting for because he became so fixated on the words in front of him, and the sudden sound of sluggish footsteps startled him out of his intense concentration.
A half-asleep, rumpled Ash with his bedspread about his shoulders appeared in front of him. His hair was sticking up in about seven different directions, a peach-colored pillow crease running down his right cheek. His eyes were glassy and still unfocused from the fog of sleep. The morning light streamed through the window behind him, bathing him in gold.
He was so beautiful it hurt. Eiji couldn’t help the smile that stretched across his face when he greeted, “Good morning.”
Ash made a raspy, low humming noise and suddenly flopped face-down on the couch, head falling right on top of Eiji’s lap. He tensed, surprised at the suddenness of the action, and not knowing quite how to react. He tossed the newspaper onto the coffee table and sat there with his hands hovering over his lap-full of teenage gang leader, until finally he let one hand rest on Ash’s back, the other coming to card gently through his hair. Ash hummed again and turned over on his side so that his nose was sticking into Eiji’s shirt and he was pressed against his stomach. Eiji nearly squeaked.
He continued to run his hand through Ash’s bed-head, untangling knots and getting it to lay right. He tucked it behind one ear so he could see his face better. Ash snuggled closer, and Eiji could die of happiness. He traced the lines of his profile, smoothed over his brow in the way he’d always wanted to when they were drawn together. But they weren’t now. Ash was completely relaxed.
Eiji let him doze there for a while, perfectly content to just linger in the moment and breathe in their closeness. It wasn’t often that he got this; he wanted to savor it, however selfish that was.
Finally, Ash’s eyes blinked open and he stretched. He flopped over on his back to look up at Eiji. “Morning.”
Eiji scoffed, hiding how flustered he was. “Afternoon, more like.”
Ash sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the couch, and Eiji immediately felt the loss of his warmth. But he didn’t go far; he slumped down in his seat so he could rest his head against the back of the couch, and his shoulder brushed Eiji’s. He turned his head towards him, and Eiji met his gaze.
He was breathtaking. God, he looked like he didn’t belong in this world. He should be up in the sky somewhere, probably一Astronomers tracking his path across the universe and drawing him up in textbooks, satellites circling him to take photos and bring them back home. That suited him better than being here in this building in the middle of New York, on this couch, with Eiji.
All at once it grew hot. Ash was staring, and Eiji realized that so was he; they’d been sitting here, a few inches of space between them, holding each other’s eyes with their own like the world would break if they stopped. To cut through the tension he felt, Eiji said the first thing he could think of:
“For a minute I thought I was going to have to dump you on the floor so I could actually get up to make us lunch.”
And Ash giggles. Actually giggles, sleepy and soft, and Eiji suddenly wants to taste it. To feel it directly against his lips and in his throat and drink it in, in, in. Where is my phone, he thought, distantly. I need to have this, forever. Instead of reaching for it in his pocket, he reached for Ash instead一for his cheek, for the collar of his shirt, and he leaned forward. Placed his mouth on Ash’s.
He was gone again in an instant一barely gave the boy any time to react. Eiji sat back, shell-shocked, his lips tingling with the ghost of a honeyed kiss. Ash stared and stared and said nothing. Why won’t he just say something?
Eiji spoke up instead. “I’m so sorr一mmph.”
Warm lips covered his, setting his body aflame with the single touch: slow, gentle, and so, so loving. A hand cradled his jaw, another moving to his waist, and it was a dream. It had to be. He felt like his feet were not on the ground一he was somewhere above New York, somewhere mingling with the clouds. All he could do was scoot closer, kiss Ash back with everything he had, and pour all the unspoken things, all the thoughts and emotions he’d barricaded inside himself into it.
When they pulled away, both their eyes were watery and threatening to spill over with tears. They breathed the same air, neither of them willing to put any distance between them. Ash opened his mouth to say something, but Eiji interrupted.
“Me first.”
Ash closed his mouth, nodded.
Eiji took a deep breath. “You’re beautiful. Sorry, I know that’s a strange first thing to say after this, but一I’ve just wanted to say that for so long, I couldn’t wait. That’s why I love taking pictures of you. I want you to be able to see what I do when I look at you. And I don’t just mean outwardly beautiful, either一I mean it’s all of you. I’ve never met anyone who cares as much about me as you do, who will do anything to keep me safe. To keep everyone safe, really一and I, I don’t know if I should say this now, if it’s bad to say or not the right time, but一”
Ash cut him off with another kiss. Eiji clutched him and his chest swelled. “Me too,” Ash breathed, breaking the kiss. He gave Eiji a watery smile.
“What?” Eiji felt dazed.
Ash took his hand in his. “Just一me too. Everything. Forever.”
Eiji buried his head in Ash’s chest and inhaled, all his senses drowning in the boy opposite him. “Forever.”
And just like the pictures, it was.