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Shuichi Saihara always wondered what it's like to be a star.
Ever since he was a child, he always wondered what it felt like to be one of the twinkling lights in the sky. What did it feel like to be plastered above, for everyone to stare at? It's something he always thought about.
Unfortunately, nobody around him would give the answers he wanted, so he ought to search for it some place else; the internet. To his surprise and disappointment, it too, gave him no sufficient answer.
And so, even though he was curious and he really desired to know the answer to their nonsensical question, he decides to let the thought go. Why? Simply because Shuichi had other things to deal with. The burden of their family business is on their shoulders, he can't afford to focus on such an unimportant question right now.
Even if that's what he thought, the idea happened to stay at the back of his mind.
Every time he stares at the night sky, the question resounds in their mind— as if telling him to go back to pouring his time unto the topic, that an unanswered question is still an unanswered question at the end of the day – no matter how miniscule it is.
The idea never really overpowered their thoughts as much as anyone would think. Well, not until one fateful day, where the stars could barely be seen through the grey clouds obstructing one's view of the night blanket and the caffeine rushing his veins overpowered the anxiety threatening to spill over.
He sits by the window, a humongous stack of papers sat nicely by their desk lamp and a warm cup of coffee pressed against his lips, bringing in the liquid into their mouth as the taste of bittersweet caramel covers their tongue.
A knock echoed through their room as the apprentice detective hurriedly exclaims a frantic, "Come in!" A middle aged man enters the room, a bright smile on their face, their wrinkles stretching out with their mouth.
"You're already drinking coffee for your age, huh?" They pointed out as they spot the mug in their nephew's hand. The renowned detective sits on the bed, a few meters away from where the window is situated.
Shuichi could only chuckle lightly as he stares at the files on their desk, "Well, I need the energy to stay awake and.. finish all of this," he replied as he gestured towards the messy pile.
Saihara's uncle smiles wryly at that, he regrets bringing his nephew in so early in the detective industry, but what's done is already done. He can't take back the years of a child that were wasted on paperwork and countless number of cold cases.
He inwardly agonizes over the consequences of his own actions, the bags that sit heavily beneath their nephew's eyes weighs as heavy as the guilt on their shoulders.
Silence envelopes them once again, it's always like this every night, it's a never ending loop that doesn't stop until morning comes. Though, this night seems to be different as the apprentice detective opens his mouth.
"What does it feel like.. to be a star?" The question popped in his mind as he continued staring out the window, it's something he wanted to know for so long, the only remnant of his childhood left - the single proof of it ever existing in the first place.
Silence once again, Shuichi starts to regret asking the question in the first place, his palms start to feel sweaty and the mug's scalding against his skin. The cold air that hits his skin forms goosebumps along his body as their anxiety spikes up.
"A-Ah nevermind.. it's not import-"
"How about you, kiddo? What do you think it feels like?" Shuichi gapes at the question, not expecting at all that he would get taken seriously.
"I don't really know.. I just wonder, do they ever get tired of shining?"
"Maybe they do kiddo, who knows how lonely it is to be up there?" At last, the boy finally has his answer. Sure, it was short and simple, but it's more than he ever wished for.
That night, while he's working, he finds himself thinking of the night sky. He wonders if people could be stars too, if they were, he would probably ask them the same question.
Does it ever get tiring?
He hopes to find the answer someday.
The phantom thief, huh?
Shuichi's mind is filled with them most days, it's not a surprise when he's the one assigned to their case— though, it seems like he thinks of the thief without the intention of figuring out their identity, but rather to know more of their quirks and enigmatic personality.
It seems rather irresponsible for the detective to involve himself with such a person, what will his relatives say if they found out? The well known seventeen year old detective went bat shit insane and chose to be with the ever so elusive thief?
He knows that it won't look good for his image, so he figures that he'll just pine quietly, countless nights spent alone, suffering and yearning over a lover that was never his.
It didn't stop him from hoping though, he loved everything about the thief. From their short stature to the way their natural laugh isn't as obnoxious and loud as the fake one that they always used in engaging conversations.
Sometimes, he wonders if he should stop, the one who hopes the most would inevitably fall the hardest, but it's hard when the aforementioned thief looked so pretty under the moonlight's glow.
For a moment, he thinks that nothing matters, that he doesn't need to redeem himself to anyone anymore, that the weight of their family's achievements weren't placed on his shoulders, that the stars no longer matter if the person in front of him would stay.
"Oooh! Detective chan is here huh? Guess you received the letter, you gave me a very hard time trying to find out your address!" The thief looks behind them to see the detective, quickly scolding him for whatever reason they deemed as inexcusable.
"DICE, we both know that's a lie, I gave you my address the last time we met." The always so anxious detective grew confident the more they met, his tone filled with conviction but also disbelief.
DICE laughs at that, "You caught me! Saihara-chan isn't so weak anymore huuuuh?" They tease, the mask on their face shifting from their body's movement.
"I-! I'm not weak.." The thief's laughter grew louder at that, before moving his gaze back to the sky above. Saihara wondered endlessly, about the thief, his life, and the stars above.
"Why did you call me here?" The words didn't come out as hesitant but they hear it all the same, the uncertainty that lurks within the detective's mind that twist and turn at each difficulty presented in front of him— the one that throbs at the thought of the desire to be with the nefarious thief. It swallows him whole, the mind is a shackle that prevents the detective from reaching for the one who truly longs for.
"Saihara-chan... do you like stars?"
It's a sudden question, one which he never prepared for. It's incomprehensible, what will DICE gain from asking such a question? He couldn't understand but he fears that he wouldn't be able to if he chose not to answer.
"They're.. interesting," they replied, it wasn't a lie, it just lacked context. He truly found them interesting, Kaito- his friend, is an astronaut and they always loved talking about stars. He could see why they adore them so much, who wouldn't?
"Ouma-kun... do you think stars ever get tired?" The liar stirs at the use of his surname, he didn't expect that the detective would know of their identity, let alone use their name. He doesn't let it get to him though as he removed the mask from his face and smiles brightly at the other.
"Woooow, congrats detective! You finally caught me~"
Shuichi's breath hitches, he has seen the thief's pictures before but nothing really compares to the real thing huh? Their plum eyes are accentuated by the moonlight's glow, stars that looked hand-picked by the universe itself were swimming in their eyes, it's a sight like no other — he'd dare to say that it's even better than the view blessed by them from being on the rooftop of a high building.
"And as for your question.." Kokichi suddenly turns their back to the detective, opting to admire the scenery in front of them. Their bright smile turned into one of softness, the sides of their mouth lowering a little and the light in their eyes mimics the gentle glow that emits from the moon in all its' brilliance.
"Stars have a purpose, to be observed or study, to guide people yadda yadda you know all of that stuff. They already have their purpose, so why would they get tired?"
It's a lie, but Shuichi wonders how he knows. When did he start figuring out when they lied anyways. It has always been a mystery to him, has he really known the thief for that long?
He looks at the way Ouma's glare hardened, it's not sharp and a look of revolt, neither is it a gentle stare of admiration— it's tough and stubborn, like an already shattered mask refusing to break apart so bad, even if all the pieces don't fit together anymore.
The detective thinks that Kokichi's a star, and everyone knows that Shuichi reaches for those celestial bodies. Shuichi Saihara wasn't meant to be a star, never was and never will be, but he's known to be someone who reaches for them. Those luminous gas orbs that fall in place, they're all a means for the detective to reach higher skies.
And, maybe Kokichi is the farthest he could get. He might be the most precious star to ever exist in his orbit, and Saihara tries to soar and reach for them but it could only scald his fingertips, burns decorating the palm of his hands.
"Say, why do you think people reach for the stars?" It's a simple question, one which could easily be answered by a sentence or two, but it's still one that the thief fails to answer by their own.
There's so much unsaid in that question, why do people reach for the stars even if it will inevitably hurt them back? Is the bliss of finally grasping something so unreachable worth it if it'll cause your demise in the end? Why do you reach for the stars Saihara-chan?
The answer feels heavy on his tongue, he has always been sure of the answer but the other's serene expression that contrasts the tension around them feels like another burden placed on his shoulders, the feeling of uneasiness trickles down like the tears that found itself falling down every night he thinks of his feelings for the thief— the undeniable truth that irks him to the core.
"Love," the detective manages to respond, it's simple and common but they both know it's true. Shuichi sees the way the other's silhouette shakes, their eyes twitching and lips quirked into a strained smile. He sees him in his entirety but catches himself thinking, God he's everything I've ever wanted.
"Love?! Gee, Saihara-chan, I didn't know that you were such a romantic!" Another joke spilled, a smile wasted on a lie, lovely lilac eyes filled with agitation— an emotion he has never seen from the liar before.
Saihara fails to give an answer, because he knows that nothing he'll say would be able to convince Ouma. He reaches because of love but love is what he reaches for, it's a never ending loop- a loop that he wishes to go on for an eternity, a loop that circles around his neck as it digs into his airways — yet he can't help but give and give until all that is left of him is the gleam that was once seen in his eyes.
He wonders what it would be like to press his lips against the shorter's, would it be as searing as the emotions building inside of his chest as they sit in silence, or would it be unexpectedly cold like the feeling he feels each night as he lays down in his bed, alone and freezing and regretful.
He feels a palm press against his knuckles and a shiver rushes through his spine. The detective steals a glance from the thief with adrenaline coursing through his veins, it's out of the blue but it isn't unwelcome at all.
Maybe he'll never know the answers to his question, and it should've bothered him, but as he sits there with the thief's hand entwined with his, he finds himself not caring at all.