Archive of Our Own

“Oh my god, Georgia, please tell me you’re joking.”

“I would never! I’m completely serious!  Ma saw them with her own two eyes!”

“But this is downright scandalous! The nerve they have…”

What in fresh hell is this about now? Marlene McKinnon idly wonders, as she goes through the motions of preparing the espresso for her two clients. The machine starts with a whir, and the aroma of the medium-quality blend invades her nostrils. 

Hm. Wonder how long this old thing’s going to last before it breaks down again. 

For now, though, it does the job, and she refuses to buy a new one before she absolutely has to. After all, it’s not like business is booming, exactly.

“Why, we ought to throw them out! I don’t want this type of people polluting our village! What if the children see them? How am I going to explain this to Mikey?”

Okay, Marlene’s curiosity has now officially peaked. Although she doesn’t particularly want to strike up a conversation with her old classmates, it seems like it will be a necessary evil if she wants to know what made Irene breathe fire from her nostrils.

She grabs her jug, using refilling water as a pretext to move closer to them.

“If I may ask, Irene,” Marlene asks as she fills the cups, “what is the atrocious spectacle that will traumatise your son?”

Irene and Peter Pettigrew’s son, Mikey, is only three years old, but old enough to be showing annoying personality traits. He’s already been spoiled rotten by his mother, and given illusions de grandeur by his father, making him quite the little turd.

“Oh, haven’t you heard? Remus Lupin is here.”

Marlene raises her eyebrows sarcastically. “Is he now? That's very shocking. It’s not like this is his hometown or anything.”

“He hasn’t come alone,” Georgia chips in, adjusting her glasses. “He’s brought him along.”

“Him who?” she asks, confused.

“His… his… Oh Lord, I can’t even say it,” Irene struggles to phrase, flustered.

“Your old boyfriend, Marlene,” Georgia smirks.

Oh. Oh. Now everything makes sense.

“Oh, that’s right! I forgot they were an item for a hot second! Poor Marlene, you were too young to be deceived in such a way.”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it deceiving, actually.”

“What are you talking about? He obviously used you to cover the disgusting things he no doubt did with Lupin behind your back!”

“I actually think he was just confused,” Marlene counters, and in the same breath realises that any arguing is futile. People like Georgia and Irene wouldn’t change their opinion on those things if God himself went down from the heavens and told them they were wrong.

The fact is, though, that eight years later, the passion and subsequent heartbreak she suffered from Sirius Black’s actions are a memory so distant it might as well have been someone else’s tale. Back in 1978, it wasn’t so.

A week after she finally managed to make him hers, he informed her that he wanted to end things without offering any explanation, without a trace of regret in his eyes, save maybe a hint of embarrassment. She was more hurt than she let on. She covered it up with anger.

For a long time, she couldn’t fathom what it was that made him break up with her. Was it her? Did she do something disastrously wrong? Was she not beautiful enough, not interesting enough?

It’s not like Marlene was serious about what she knew would be a summer fling, but still, her pride had been wounded, and she’d been more fond of the long-haired boy than she dared to admit even to herself. What was it that drove Sirius away?

Four years later, she finally received her answer.

Hope and Lyall Lupin had scandalised the village when they openly told everyone that asked about Remus that their son was living in London with a young man by the familiar name of Sirius Black. They wouldn’t divulge any more information, but when people saw the small rainbow flag that appeared in the marquee of Lupin’s Lunar Library in the beginning of 1983, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. They had seen the flag on the telly, waving amongst countless desperate heads, amongst violence and tumult. They knew what it meant.

Marlene was probably the only person actually happy with the revelation. It was like the final piece of the puzzle had clicked into place. The mystery of Sirius’ behaviour that summer, a mystery she occasionally gave thought to until then, was finally solved.

“As if it’s not enough that we tolerated him coming to our village, now he’s bringing the other faggot? ” Irene is filled with righteous indignation, and her face has slightly turned red. Marlene flinches at the slur.

“And his parents, they’re allowing this?” Georgia continues.

“Of course they are. They hung that flag up in that shop of theirs without a hint of shame! My husband has been telling people for years, but no-one truly believed him until recently.”

“He was absolutely right, Irene. We should’ve listened to him.” Georgia shakes her head.

“I mean, it’s not that I’m a bigot or anything, but they’re a public hazard! What if I drink from the same cup they do and catch their disease? Oh, Marlene, you should absolutely not allow them in your shop or I’ll never step in it again!”

Marlene rolls her eyes, more than a little annoyed by the threat. “HIV isn’t transmitted by physical contact, Irene, haven’t you read the pamphlets?”

“Like hell I’ll believe what the government says! For all I know, they’re being paid by those people to shove it all under the table! You can’t let them in here or the place might get infected.”

“Yeah, alright, Irene,” she steps away from the girls’ table and returns to the bar, having had enough.

Why was I born in this wretched place?  she wonders for the umpteenth time, wiping the bar mechanically in an effort to calm down. Georgia, of all people, telling her how to manage her shop! She never thought she’d see the day!

She glances at the clock on the wall. One more hour until she closes for the afternoon, and then she’ll reopen at six. Just thinking about her favourite armchair, close to the window where the afternoon breeze ruffles her hair brings a smile to her face. 

And well, if she has to put up with Luke, too, that’s a small price to pay.

Irene, of course, spends the next half hour gushing about Mikey; ‘’His favourite food is carbonara, but he can't say the word right, and when he’s hungry he always yells Lajimolala! Lajimolala! Isn’t that just the most adorable thing you’ve ever heard, Georgia?’’ Georgia nods in agreement, although by her expression it’s apparent that she’s bored to death by all the toddler talk.

Mercifully, after that, the girls approach the till and pay the bill.

“Please be careful, darling,” Irene cautions as she leaves, voice full of fake concern and Marlene barely restrains herself from rolling her eyes.

After they leave, the coffee shop is empty, and she suspects it will remain so until she closes it in a few hours.

She kills time wondering how much Remus and Sirius are going to stay in the village for, if she should go and say hi. She was never particularly close with Remus, but she always liked the boy. The last two years before he left for London, when he didn’t really speak with anyone, she regarded him with pity, mixed with a little bit of guilt, but she didn’t talk to him; she didn’t know if she’d be welcome, and he always looked so closed-off and sad.

Hope and Lyall’s actions only confirmed what Peter Pettigrew, Irene’s husband had been telling people since 1980, when Remus left. Most people, Marlene included, paid him little mind back then. He didn’t have any proof, he only based his assumption that Remus was “a raging poofter”, as he called him, on circumstantial evidence.

Remus was never quite popular, but after James and Sirius left that summer, it was as if his spirit wasn’t quite where his body was. When he left for London, she was glad. It was clear this place held nothing for him anymore. She last saw him a few years ago. Over time, he has grown attractive in a nerdy sort of way, and he looked much more comfortable in his skin than the shy boy she remembers.

Maybe she should go say hi. 

Oh, well. She’ll run into him, eventually. The village is very small.

I wonder how Sirius looks now, she muses. It’s been a long time, but she can still remember the boy’s striking beauty that drew her to him like a magnet. 

13:50, the clock says. She can leave ten minutes earlier. Owner’s perks.

She locks the door of Seaside Beauty and steps outside into the scorching sun. She hates the name of the shop, but her father chose it, and after his death, everything he’d influenced has now become sacred.

The sea is gleaming brilliantly as the sun rays catch on the water. In the distance, she can hear the laughter of children, no doubt swimming or playing games. August may be a torturous month in many ways, but it also has its own particular kind of charm.

She doesn’t have to walk for long. Her house is a few minutes away. She unlocks the front door, and her eyes take a moment to adjust to the cool shade of the living room. She sighs in relief at the temperature difference, and hangs her purse.

Luke, who’s been sitting on an armchair, only lifts his head as she enters and buries his face back into the newspaper.

“Good evening to you, too.” Marlene sneers, and Luke grunts in response. 

With a sigh, she goes to their bedroom to change clothes, and then to the kitchen, to eat some food. Yesterday’s chicken. There’s little left, which means she’ll have to cook again tonight. She’s not looking forward to it.

She takes a seat on her living room armchair, grabbing a fashion magazine. Her eyes skim over the page. She puts it down again.

Marlene’s a social person, for Pete’s sake. There’s nothing that would relax her more than a good conversation, but she knows her husband prefers silence. After a glance in his direction, she decides to annoy him anyway.

“Georgia and Irene came by today.”

“Oh?” is all Luke deigns to respond.

“Yeah, and they were pretty upset.”

“Hmm,” Luke responds again, turning his newspaper’s page.

“They were upset because Remus Lupin and Sirius Black have come to Fenneltown.”

That draws his attention. “What?!” he lowers his newspaper. “Those two faggots? They’ve shown their faces here?”

Marlene feels a surge of anger. “Don’t call them that. That’s not a word an educated man should use,” if it’s one thing Luke takes pride in, that’s his intellectuality.

“I think that it can be excused, just this once. This is simply preposterous!”

“Well, I don’t see what the big fuss is about. It’s not like they’re annoying anyone. And don’t tell me you believe that ‘AIDS can be transmitted through touch’ crap Irene was spewing. You’re a doctor, for crying out loud!”

Luke eyes her scornfully. “I know how HIV is transmitted, thank you very much. But the fact of the matter remains that homosexuality goes, to put it simply, against the very essence of nature itself.”

“I’ve read somewhere in a magazine that animals can be gay, too.”

“Of course you read it somewhere in a magazine ” The irony is dripping from his voice, and her nerves are spiking, “Well, darling , allow those of us who have actually studied this science for years and years to know better than you and your magazine articles. Some animals are born deaf, blind, lame, with all kinds of disease. Do you suggest that this is how they should be?”

“I hardly think that homosexuality is a disease,” she protests.

“No, it’s even worse than a disease. The blind animal cannot help being blind. The lame animal cannot grow a foot. But those men wake up every day and make the choice to enable this sickness, even worse, they embrace it! They are proud of it!” he chuckles in astonishment.

“I still think you’re exaggerating, but alright,” Marlene decides to drop the conversation, because if she hears one more time about how she doesn’t know, and she hasn’t studied, and her opinion is not as good as his, she will break one of her beautiful vases, and she doesn’t want that.

Luke nods in victory and lifts his newspaper again. “Naturally, if they decide to come to the shop, you won’t let them in.”

“That’s exactly what Irene said, too. She said my shop will be infected.”

“Although it won’t be infected in a literal sense, it’s a matter of principle. You simply cannot enable this ideology.”

"Ideology? What are you talking about? Besides, it’s my shop and I’ll let them in if I want to!”

“It’s your father’s shop, and I doubt he would stand for something like this.”

Marlene is so indignated that the wind is knocked out of her. “My father is dead.”

“Even more reason not to sully his memory.”

Marlene gets up wordlessly and heads to their bedroom. She slams their door shut, but the petulant action gives her little satisfaction. She throws herself on her bed and runs a hand through her face.

Well, papa, it seems that even from beyond the grave, you keep controlling my life. she thinks bitterly.

Her brother, five years her elder, left to study science in Manchester as soon as he turned eighteen. When the time came for Marlene to discuss the subject of her own dream of studying mathematics, at seventeen, her father had shaken his head.

“We don’t have any money for this kind of folly. Your brother costs us enough as is.”

Why is my studying a folly? Why is he more important than I am? she had wanted to scream at him, but she already knew the answer. She was a girl.

Even still, she refused to give up. She picked up a job at the nearby town, Tickleborough to save money, she had researched options to get a loan and pay off her tuition. And after that, well, she didn’t know how, but she’d make it work.

The summer after she turned twenty, she started seeing Luke, an ex classmate of hers that was studying medicine. Due to his studies, they spent most of their time apart, but she didn’t mind. That only meant that when he came, their passion was that much stronger. That was the happiest time in her life. She was in love, determined, full of hope for what the future held.

Two years later, Luke came to Fenneltown for his residency. Suddenly, they were together all the time.

And that’s when Marlene realised that she and Luke weren’t meant for each other. Their personalities were incompatible. He was aloof and pensive, she was social and outgoing. He liked to stay in, she liked to go out. She gave everything her heart and soul, he prized above all being a cold analytic.

She was about to break things off six months later, when her father suddenly suffered a heart attack.

They rushed him to the nearest hospital, in Tickleborough, and Luke was the one who treated him, never leaving him from his sight. Unfortunately, the damage was non-reversible. On his deathbed, his last words were “Make a family with Luke, Marlene. He is a great man. There is no better fortune you could have asked for.”

And that was the exact moment Marlene’s life went down the drain. It was her father’s dying wish. She couldn’t disobey her father’s dying wish! That’s what everyone she dared voice her thoughts to told her. Was she out of her mind? He was rich. He was a doctor. Women would kill to be his wife. And he had chosen her. Wasn’t she lucky?

Two months later, there were wedding bells. Another two months later, she took over the coffee shop. One more month passed before she finally gathered the courage to break the piggy bank with her hard-earned money and buy a fancy new cooking pot, a blender, sheets, pillows and a bed for her new home with Luke. He finished his studies and opened a doctor’s office in Fenneltown. they settled down. 

For the first two years, they’d been trying for a child. She wasn’t sure that she wanted one, but it was what was expected of her. Every time she saw the familiar red droplets covering her underwear, Marlene didn’t know if she was saddened or relieved. Eventually, they gave up, and the distance between them grew even more.

Marlene feels like an actress playing the role someone else wrote for her. She tries to convince herself that it is what it is, that she has a life many people would envy, that she shouldn’t be ungrateful. But sometimes she can’t help but think that she’s been forced into a corner by the people that were supposed to love her and support her, and most importantly, by her own self.

And that is exactly why she has a soft spot for Remus Lupin, why she feels the need to defend him from the village’s vultures. He has done what she wished she had the courage to do. He is with a person he loves, not with the person society would expect him to be.

He has decided to be happy in spite of what those people put him through, and Marlene will be damned if she doesn’t let him in her shop.

She springs up from the bed and hastily dresses up. She opens the door furiously and grabs her bag.

“Where are you going?” Luke angrily demands.

“To invite Remus Lupin and Sirius Black for coffee,” she spits, before she slams the door behind her.

***

In truth, she’s not going to do that just yet. It’s still three in the afternoon, and during the summer, most people are asleep at this time.

But she knows for a fact that someone isn’t.

She finds Dorcas Meadowes at her usual spot, at the rocks between the village and the Ivy Bay, one of the area’s beaches. She’s wearing a bucket hat that is haphazardly adjusted over her rich, black curls and her dark skin is glistening in the sun, contrasting with the mustard colour of her t-shirt. She is crouched over a plant, examining it with the help of a magnifying glass.

“Still trying to give yourself a sunburn?”

Dorcas perks up at the sound of her voice and flashes her a warm smile.

“Bit hard for me to get a sunburn, Marlene,” she teases.

“But not impossible. You should still put sunscreen on, constant exposure to sunlight causes all kinds of evil things,” she parrots Luke’s patronising words, except she's speaking them good-naturedly.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right. I’m always forgetting.”

“What are you studying right now?”

“Oh, these are anthyllis vulneraria , commonly known as the kidney vetch,” she points to the yellow flowers at her feet. Marlene’s been seeing them since she was a child, but she never bothered to learn their name. Now she doesn’t think she could forget it.

As her friend explains about the flower’s nature and topology, her voice firm but passionate, Marlene eyes her fondly. Dorcas was born to be a botanist. The way her eyes light up with passion when she talks about the plants, the flowers, the bushes, the way she slowly loses her composed aura as she gets excited and makes all those adorable little gestures, Marlene could hear her talk for hours.

It also doesn’t hurt that Dorcas is the most beautiful woman she’s ever laid eyes on.

Not that Marlene would ever tell her that. That would be very weird, right?

Dorcas appeared in Marlene’s life one rainy day in October, about two years ago, asking for a cappuccino in her shop, and though she didn't know it then, that was the moment Marlene's life changed.

She was immediately drawn to her quiet confidence, her dynamic posture and her kind manners. After two more visits, she found the courage to strike up a conversation. She learnt that Dorcas came to Fenneltown to study for her PhD in botany on Cornwall-native flowers, and that she would be here for a while. She had felt inexplicably glad when she heard that, but didn't think much of it; she was just happy at the prospect of a new friend.

The two women clicked immediately. Well, almost immediately. Dorcas was distantly polite at first, making Marlene wonder if she actually liked her. In time, as they grew closer, she realised that Dorcas was just shy.

Once they were more familiar with each other, the cold exterior cracked, and her warm kindness emerged from underneath.

Though Dorcas had thrown herself into her work with a zele that almost scared Marlene at times, she always had time for her. For Marlene, who felt increasingly distant towards her highschool best friends, and whose only true ones, Lucy and Sharon, had left Fenneltown for good, Dorcas was a breath of fresh air.

She often accompanied her to her expeditions, always loving to chat with Dorcas, but also, to her surprise, equally enjoying the companionable silence between them as she absorbed herself into her work.

Then, in the evening, they would go to Dorcas’ small cottage just outside of Fenneltown, Marlene would bring coffee, and they would spend hours and hours enjoying each other’s company, until the night grew dark. Under the nightly song of the tireless cicadas, they would share their dreams, ambitions and fears. She was the first person Marlene dared confess to that she was unhappy in her marriage. The first person she trusted not to judge her, but to listen to her with compassion. 

When it was time to go, Marlene was always sorry that she had to leave Dorcas, go back to Luke’s cold presence.

I wish I could just stay here. she would often think to herself. At first, she thought nothing of that desire.

Yet weird feelings fluttered in her chest every time she saw her friend, intensifying with each passing day, until they were too obvious to ignore.

More and more, she caught herself thinking about Dorcas’s beautiful smile, her brown eyes, her long, curly hair, her rare, melodic laugh, that she provoked more easily with each passing day, her agile, slender body, barely visible underneath those long, floral dresses of hers, her intense gazes, that seemed to penetrate through her soul.

Marlene thought of her while she was making coffee, while she cooked, when she lay in bed at night trying to fall asleep.

Then, after a while, every time she was with Dorcas, thoughts would pop in her head, unbidden, about what it would be like to close the distance between them and kiss her: whether her eyes would widen in surprise, whether she would freeze in shock or melt under her.

She wondered how her lips would taste, how her skin would feel under her hands if she caressed it. Would she cause gooseprickles with her touch? Would her palms be hardened from work, would the flesh between her thighs be soft?

At first, she was reddening in shame and trying to throw those thoughts away, but they'd come back when she least expected it. It wasn't long before she understood that she was powerless against them.

She realised that fact when, in one of the rare times she and Luke were intimate, she closed her eyes, touched herself and imagined it was Dorcas instead of Luke there with her. She finished faster than she had in ages, and ever since then, it was like a dam had broken. She couldn’t contain her mind anymore.

Marlene had felt what she now recognizes as fleeting attraction for other women throughout her youth, but nothing as powerful, as all-consuming as this, nothing that she couldn’t attribute to mere curiosity. Marlene was confused. How could this be? She wasn’t homosexual. She had felt sexual and romantic attraction towards other men. This was undeniable. But her attraction and attachment to Dorcas were also undeniable.

And it wasn’t just physical, either. Sometimes, all she longed for was for Dorcas to hold her, to kiss her tenderly and tell Marlene she was hers.

Sometimes, Marlene was so overcome with those feelings she feared they would spill from her mouth without her consent. And it didn’t help that Dorcas was so kind,so brilliant, so visibly glad to see her. That she always could call her when she was upset, that she listened to all her problems with a patient ear, that when she showed up at her coffee shop Marlene’s day instantly became brighter, that when they went out drinking in the nearby towns she was having so much fun that entire hours seemed like mere seconds to her.

Dorcas was not a woman of many words when she was sober, but that drastically changed when she had a glass or two. In one of their drinking nights, she'd hugged Marlene and told her she was glad she'd met her.

(A few times, a thought would pass lightning-quick through Marlene's brain that Dorcas might return her affections, but she always discarded the notion immediately. It was too dangerous to dwell on).

“But enough about the plants! You seem upset. Did something happen?” Dorcas’ voice snaps her out of her reverie.

“Is it that obvious?”

“No, I just know you well.”

Marlene thanks god the sun has probably reddened her skin already, otherwise she’d be flushing scarlet.

“I fought with Luke.”

Dorcas' eyes harden. “What about?”

“It’s kind of a long story, actually.”

“Then let’s go sit in the shade.”

She complies and they cross the dirt road and sit under the shade of a tree.

There, Marlene tells her about the summer of 1978, about her fling with one young Sirius Black, about their out-of-the-blue breakup after only one week that left her confused and her pride wounded, about his sincere apology but lack of explanation; about Remus’s shift in behaviour after Sirius left; about Peter’s initial silence and eventual claims, about everyone’s speculations; about the indirect confirmation they’d received from the Lupins; 

About how, every time Remus visits the village since then, people look at him with hardened eyes, and some even blatantly lie that their shops are closed when he steps inside them; about Irene and Georgia’s hateful words; about Luke’s vitriol, his condescension.

“... and that’s why I want to invite them for coffee,” she concludes.

Dorcas looks at her with shining eyes. “I think that’s a great idea,” she nods, an unidentified expression colouring her face.

“I’m kind of nervous, though. I was never close with Remus. And with Sirius… Well, I just told you.”

“You have no reason to worry. It’s been a long time since then. Besides, how could anyone not like you?” she says as if she's stating that the sky is blue.

Marlene’s heart flutters in her chest. She opens her mouth to contradict Dorcas, to tell her that even her own husband doesn’t seem to like her most of the time, when two silhouettes catch her eye.

As they approach the place Marlene and Dorcas are sitting at, suspicion becomes certainty.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” she murmurs.

Dorcas leans to see what she’s looking at. “Is that them?”

“It is.”

“Then this is as good an opportunity as any.”

Marlene nods. When the two men have drawn closer to them, she gets up and stands in their way.

They jump a bit in surprise as she appears in front of them.

“Hello, there!” She tries to make her tone as amiable as possible.

“Marlene?” Remus blinks at her. Sirius’ eyes widen. “Hello,” Remus says politely, albeit a little warily. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, Remus, how are you?”

“I’m fine, too. Uhm, I trust you remember Sirius,” he gestures, and Sirius waves his fingers awkwardly in greeting. Marlene turns to Sirius and observes him for the first time.

Oh my, is all she can think, Remus is a lucky man. She’s not jealous of him though. Lately, she’s had eyes for one person only.

“Hello, Sirius, how are you?”

“I’m fine Marlene, and you?”

“I’m also fine. Sorry for startling you,” she laughs awkwardly, '' I was just sitting here with my friend Dorcas and thought I’d say hi.”

At the mention of her name, Dorcas approaches the two men. “Hi, I’m Dorcas, nice to meet you.”

They greet her and introduce themselves. 

“So, what are you up to?” Marlene asks, trying to diffuse the awkwardness of the situation but failing spectacularly.

“Well, Sirius and I were about to go for a swim to the Ivy Bay.”

“Oh, that’s great, have a good time!”

They thank her and start to leave, but Dorcas nudges her with her elbow.

“Um, I was actually wondering, I own the coffee shop by the sea, you know the one. I open at six. If you’d like to stop by for coffee, I’d love to see you.”

After their initial expressions of surprise, Remus and Sirius smile warmly at her, pleasantly surprised.

“Yes, we’d love to, Marlene, thank you.”

After wordless eye contact with his boyfriend, Remus asks “Could we pass by today? After we come back from the sea?”

“Yes, of course! Any time you want!”

“Great, then, bye Marlene, see you soon!”

When they’re out of earshot, Marlene lets out a sigh of relief.

“See? That wasn’t so bad now, was it?” Dorcas says cheerily.

“No, it wasn’t, but please come with me to the coffee shop, if you're not busy, I’d feel more comfortable if you were around,” she asks her, and her face lights up.

“Of course. After all, I’d love to get to know them. They seem quite nice!”

“Alright, then, I reckon they’ll be an hour at least, so you can get back to your plants if you want to.”

“No, I’m coming with you. Don’t want to get a sunstroke, anyway.”

Dorcas picks up her back and they start walking, side by side, their fingers occasionally brushing with the movement of their arms, sending butterflies down Marlene’s stomach.

***

When Remus and Sirius actually show up, around six o’clock, the coffee shop is empty except for one man, who, upon seeing the two boys, gets up from his seat, slaps a note on the table, gives them a dirty look and exits hastily. Remus pays him no mind, but Marlene can see Sirius’ eyes harden.

“Hey, guys!” she greets from behind the bar and they instantly perk up. “What can I get for you?”

“Two orange juices, please,” Remus tells her with a smile.

Dorcas, who’s sitting at a table for six, beckons them over with a soft smile. They comply, and Marlene makes quick work of preparing their drinks.

When she’s done making the juice, she brings it to the table and sits opposite Remus and Sirius, next to Dorcas.

“So, long time no see, huh? Especially you, Sirius,” she teases, comfortable now that the initial ice has broken, and confident with Dorcas by her side.

“Yeah, you can say that again,” Sirius laughs.

“So, tell me your news! It’s been, what? Two years since I last saw you, Remus? Ten years since I saw Sirius? Christ, I’m getting old.” They all laugh.

“Well, my news you know, more or less.” Remus starts. “I live in London now,” he explains, mostly for the benefit of Dorcas. “I studied literature there, and I recently started working as a teacher at a private school. So far I love it.”

“And I work as a mechanic, but now that Remus finally has a steady job I’m going to quit and start studying linguistics. Previously, I was… unable to, though I really wanted to. But Remus here tells me it’s never too late.”

He points his thumb at Remus, who nods emphatically. “Of course! It’s never too late to start, but especially for you. You're only twenty-five!” Remus’ words strike something within Marlene. She’s the same age as them, and she always thought of studying as the dream that got away. Yet Sirius…

“Well, that means I’ll be Remus’ kept man for a while, but he says he doesn’t mind, right, babe?”

“Absolutely not," Remus smiles sweetly at him and Sirius reciprocates. Suddenly, Remus jumps as if pinched. “Oh, by the way, you know we two are…” he gestures between Sirius and himself, eyes worried.

“Oh, yes, yes of course,” Marlene assures them, and Dorcas nods, too. Remus visibly relaxes.

“Oh, thank God. We thought you probably did, but just in case…”

“Don’t worry, we know,” Dorcas smiles reassuringly. “By the way, how did you two meet? Meet again, I mean. Marlene told me about the summer you were all in Fenneltown.”

“Well, that’s an interesting story, actually,” Sirius starts. Dorcas and Marlene listen, fascinated, as he tells them the tale of how Remus showed up as a plus-one at his best friend James' wedding. How Sirius couldn’t believe his eyes. How he always secretly hoped he’d meet Remus again, and finally that hope came true.

“Gosh, that’s something out of a fairytale!” Marlene coos. “James was also here in Fenneltown that summer, by the way. How did you call that little group of yours, again? The meddlers…?”

“The marauders,” Sirius collects her, smiling nostalgically. “Ah, we were so dorky, weren’t we?”

“I regret nothing,” Remus declares.

“Well, to be honest, I regret Peter, a little bit,” Sirius scrunches his nose, like he’s smelling a dirty sock.

“Peter Pettigrew?” Dorcas raises her eyebrows.  "Were you friends with him?” Dorcas has spoken to Peter one or two times out of necessity, and she didn’t quite appreciate his suspicious looks and borderline rude tone. She goes out of her way not to shop from his grocery store unless completely necessary.

“Yes, we were. So young, so naive,” Sirius shakes his head morosely, his long black hair, only half-dry by now, following the motion gracefully. “But anyway! I didn’t come here to talk about Peter Pettigrew!”

“Of course not!” Dorcas makes a dismissive motion with her hand, like she’s shooing away an annoying fly. Marlene notices that Dorcas is already quite at ease with Remus and Sirius, which is a bit unusual for her. She usually is quite guarded around strangers. Marlene smiles with satisfaction.

“James is married, you said?” Marlene asks.

“Yes, and he’s got a kid, too! Who, like his father, is quite the little shit!”

“Also like his godfather,” Remus good-naturedly teases. 

“Why, of course! Much as James denies it, Harry takes his mischievous nature from me!”

Marlene learns that though James married very young and due to his wife’s accidental pregnancy, he and his wife are very much in love and happy in their marriage.

A pang of jealousy shoots through Marlene.

“What about you, Dorcas? I haven’t seen you before. Are you from around here?”

“No, actually, I’m from Liverpool.”

“I thought I recognized the accent,” Sirius says.

"Yeah. I’ve been here for a year and a half, doing my PhD in botany. Ever since I was a small girl in Liverpool, I was in love with plants and flowers. And Cornwall is full of unique species!”

“That’s great! How long are you staying for?”

“Well, I don’t know exactly, but it won’t be long now, I’m almost finished.”

Dorcas has told Marlene this, of course. But even so, hearing it sends a shot of pain through her heart. What will she do when Dorcas leaves? Who will she have to brighten the darkness of her life?

She doesn’t know if she’ll be able to stand it. As Dorcas tells Remus and Sirius more about her PhD, she tries to imagine her days without Dorcas to go to, without Dorcas to be there when she feels sad, to share her sorrow, or, when she feels happy, to share her joy, or simply just be there when she feels like talking.

Her brain refuses. What am I going to do?

Is there anything to do, though? She has a life here. A life other people would kill for. A husband and a shop. It might not be the life she dreamed of, but it’s a peaceful life. Perhaps she's being ungrateful. Perhaps she should be content with what she has.

“How’s the scene in London?” she hears Dorcas ask. “Things must have calmed down a bit by now, right? What with the government trying to pull its head out of its arse, finally.”

Marlene furrows her eyebrows at the rare swear word and the incomprehensible question.

Sirius’ eyes light up. “Well, no, not really, people are bigoted as ever. But we’re much more organised, too. Which means we can make an even bigger impact. And now that there’s that medicine that probably actually works, people are more optimistic.” he offers a warm smile. “I’m actually part of an organisation called the Lesbian and Gay Foundation and we’re planning a rally in September. Remus is involved too, although he’s keeping more of a low profile, what with his job and all…”

“Um,” Marlene butts in, feeling a bit stupid, “what exactly is ‘the scene?”

“The queer scene,” Dorcas explains. “Back in Liverpool, we had a bit of organised action as well, but London and Manchester were always the trailblazers. We’re a much smaller city, anyway. But there’s still clubs and events.”

Marlene’s head is spinning. “So you’re-”

“A lesbian. If it’d come up before, I’d have told you. I didn’t think you’d have a problem with it, anyway.” Dorcas states calmly, as if she hasn't just severed the last threads by which Marlene's sanity was hanging.

“Of course not,” Marlene says coolly, though internally, she’s screeching at the top of her lungs. Her face feels hot and cold at the same time. 

Dorcaslikesgirlsdorcaslikesgirlsdorcaslikesgirls her inner voice repeats over and over.

She fakes a cough in an effort to calm down and chances a look at Remus and Sirius, who are exchanging a not-so-subtle wide eyed glance.

Crap.

After a bit of silence that's dangerously bordering on awkward, Sirius mercifully blinks and clears his throat.

“Oh, by the way, Marlene, I know that it was ages ago, but I wanted to apologise properly for the way I behaved that summer. I came onto you even though I knew I liked Remus, just to try and forget him, and then I dumped you without an explanation. I wanted to give you one, but please understand that I just couldn’t. So now that you have the whole picture, I am once again telling you I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?”

Marlene laughs, “Well, of course I will. It all seems so silly to me now, anyway.”

“To me, too. I can’t even fathom that there was a time I could deny that I love Remus.”

“How can you drop those things into conversations so casually?” Remus murmurs, abashed, and Sirius smiles at him beatifically.

A second pang of envy pinches Marlene. She glances at Dorcas ( who is a lesbian and likes women, and you’re a woman too!!!!! maybe she likes you!!!!! ), who is looking at them with a knowing, affectionate expression.

“Textbook behaviour that denial, isn’t it?” Dorcas sighs. “When I was young, I, too, was trying to convince myself that I liked men by snogging guys at bars. Then, I accepted that I was gay and I started snogging girls at bars, just because I though I was supposed to. Eventually I discovered that snogging strangers at bars is not really my thing, either, regardless of gender. Discovering myself was a slow process.”

“So you’re not a one-night stand type of girl, then?” Sirius asks.

“Not really. I’m too anxious for that. I prefer to form a meaningful connection first and then make a move.”

Marlene’s brain starts short-circuiting again. Could it be that… no, there’s no way. it's just wishful thinking.

Conversation starts flowing freely. They talk and talk for hours, about Remus’ new job and his trying to settle in his role as a teacher, about Sirius and the dream he’s always had to become a linguist, about their godson, Harry, that they adore.

Eventually, the topic shifts to what life is like in London, and Marlene learns about the struggles of being a gay person around a gay-centered pandemic, and her heart breaks, when she hears about all the people, all the friends and loved ones everyone has lost, all the hate Remus, and particularly Sirius, who is unabashed about his identity, has to endure.

Suddenly, she is filled with an overwhelming urge to get up and personally punch every single villager who’s been turning their nose up at Remus and Sirius, yell at their faces that these two men are caring, and brilliant, and a hundred times better than they’ll ever be.

Then, the conversation takes a light-hearted tone as Marlene tells everyone the dirt she has on the villagers, on Irene and Peter, who are convinced their son is a genius, on Georgia and Adam who are engaged even though they’re both knowingly cheating on each other, on Frank and Alice Longbottom’s son, Neville, who, although afraid of his own shadow, is a caring and sensitive boy who cries if he sees an ant die.

Time passes, day turns into night and they still haven’t run out of things to say.

This is the best decision I’ve ever made, Marlene thinks as she laughs herself silly over the story of how during their summer in Fenneltown, James was the one in charge of dragging Peter away from Remus and Sirius so they could kiss and have sex in peace, resulting in him thinking he was James’ right hand man. Irene's and Lucas' warnings seem so ridiculous it's unreal.

After a while, Dorcas stands up. “Sorry, guys, but I have to go,” she says apologetically, “I’ve left my cat alone for hours now, and I should go feed her. It was really nice knowing you!” she smiles warmly at Remus and Sirius who reciprocate in kind.

Marlene bids her goodbyes and tells her to give Missy (the cat) a kissy from her.

As soon as Dorcas is out of the door, Remus and Sirius turn to her with synchronicity that is a little scary.

A sly smile slowly spreads to Sirius' face. “Sooo," he drawls," you and Dorcas, huh?"

“Are you gonna tell her?” Remus cuts in, practically vibrating in his seat.

“Tell her what?” she asks, confused and a little afraid.

“That you like her!” Sirius answers. "Or have I misread this?" he asks, not sounding like he believes that.

She runs a hand through her face. “Fucking hell. Is it that obvious?”

“Well, to raging homosexuals like us, yes, it is. More importantly, she’s totally into you, too!” Remus says.

“You think so?” Marlene’s heart threatens to beat out of her chest.

“Of course! She practically spelled it out for you! She made a point to emphasise she’s a lesbian! Also, the part about the meaningful connection, oh my God! The only thing she didn’t say is that she’s into girls whose names start with M and end with arlene! You should absolutely go for it!”

Marlene's initial giddiness evaporates. “Fuck, Remus, I can’t do that. I’m not even sure that I’m… and besides…”

“You’re not even sure you’re what? Attracted to her?”

“No. I mean yes. I mean, I don’t think I’m like you. I don’t think my relationships with men were just pretend.”

“Oh, that probably means that you’re bisexual,” Sirius observes.

“Bisexual?”

“Yes, attracted to two or more genders. It’s not as used a term as gay or lesbian, but bisexuality exists and is valid. We actually hosted a seminar on bisexual identities a little while ago.”

"So there are people… that like both?"

"Yes, there are!"

Marlene tries to wrap her head around this. “Bisexual…” she tests the world, trying to familiarise herself with it.

“Yes! It doesn’t have to be Black,’ Sirius points to himself and Remus rolls his eyes, “or white, sometimes it’s grey. Sexuality is a spectrum, not a binary.”

“A spectrum, not a binary…’ Marlene mumbles.

“Don’t let what Sirius says overwhelm you, though. This terminology is a little advanced,” Remus butts in. “The important thing is, your feelings for Dorcas are completely real and valid, and if it’s what you want, you should totally pursue her.”

Marlene’s heart sinks in her stomach. For a few blissful seconds, she immersed herself in the fantasy of actually pursuing Dorcas,and she forgot all about reality.

“Remus, even if I am… bisexual, as you say. I still can’t tell her. I’m married.”

Remus and Sirius gasp simultaneously.

“And what’s worse, it’s to a man I don’t love, that I can barely tolerate anymore… Luke, if you remember him.”

“Luke? That little shit? That stupid know-it-all?”

“Yes, that Luke. It was my father’s dying wish for me to marry him. After all, he’s a doctor,” she chuckles bitterly. “Who better for a poor, uneducated girl like me? I knew I didn’t love him, but it was easy to go along with it,” she feels the tears form in her eyes, then roll, wet and hot, down her cheek. “I thought, maybe I couldn’t be happy, but at least I’d be comfortable, satisfied. And then I met Dorcas and it all…” she tries in vain to stifle a sob, “it all came crashing down.”

Sirius moves from his chair to the now vacated one next to her, rubbing circles behind her back. The soothing motion gradually helps her calm down.

“I’m sorry, this is embarrassing,” she sniffles.

“Please don’t say that, Marlene, if anyone knows how you’re feeling right now, it’s us two. We would love to help you in any way we can.” Remus grabs her palms from across the table and tangles them with his. Their warmth helps Marlene calm herself down a bit.

“And please remember that marriage is not a prison. There’s no shame in filing for divorce if things don’t work out. And if Luke gives you a hard time, just call us,” Sirius winks. “We’ll show him what’s up.”

"Thank you, guys," Marlene laughs. Her nose is runny and her eyes puffy, but somehow, she feels like a weight has been lifted off her chest. She’d never expected to find willing ears and express the feelings she had deep in her heart, feelings she believed she’d take with her to the grave.

"Thank you so much. You’re both amazing."

“You’re amazing too,” Sirius says earnestly. “If I were straight, I’d totally fall for you.”

Marlene laughs and Remus lets out a noise of protest. “Hey!”

“Oh, come on Remus, you know I’m kidding,”Sirius assures him. He turns around to Marlene “Or am I,” he says in an exaggerated whisper, that makes her giggle.

“You always were a flirt, Sirius Black.”

“He is, isn’t he,” Remus sighs in good-natured exasperation.

“Much as I’d like to stay here all night, I probably should get going,” Marlene tells them. “It’s time to face the music.”

“The music being Luke?”

“Yeah. We fought and I stormed out. I should go talk to him.”

“Of course. We were really happy to see you, Marlene. Do you have a piece of paper and a pen?” Remus asks. When Marlene brings them to him, he writes two numbers, puts the letter L before the first one and F before the second one.

“These are our landlines in London and Fenneltown. We’re staying for another three days here, but if you’re ever in London ring us up. And next time we’ll be the ones buying you coffee.”

After hugging both of them warmly and closing the shop, Marlene steps outside into the cool night and they part ways. The street lights are unlit; power shortages aren’t an uncommon occurrence in this part of town. She stands unmoving, for a few moments, letting the sound of the waves calm her, smelling the salty air. Her eye catches a flash of movement. A few metres to her left, she can make out the silhouettes of Remus and Sirius embracing passionately, a nearby house window illuminating them with a soft glow. They look otherworldly, almost ethereal, and so, so in love.

Suddenly she understands how Remus and Sirius can endure the abuse Fenneltown throws at them so well. Compared to a love as warm, as beautiful as theirs, the petty villagers must seem like insignificant little ants.

With a sigh, she starts making her way back home.

***

Luke is exactly where he was when she left him. Only, this time, there’s no newspaper, and he doesn’t greet her in any way. His eyes are cold and unforgiving like steel.

“You are never to disrespect me this way again. Are we clear?” He speaks sternly. No doubt he rehearsed the dialogue in his head. Well, she’s not going to play the role he’s assigned her.

“Beautiful night outside, don’t you think?” Marlene comments and starts to head to the bedroom.

“Did you hear what I just said? You will not. Disrespect me. In that way again. Where were you?”

“At the shop.”

“Who with?”

She braces herself. “Dorcas. And Remus and Sirius. I told you I’d invite them for a drink.”

“You invited this scum into your shop?”

“Remus and Sirius,” she steps closer to him, “are wonderful people.”

“They’re disgusting faggots.”

“They’re certainly better than you,”

“You dare ,” he gets up and reduces the distance between them in an instant. For a moment, she thinks he’s going to hit her. 

“You dare compare me to those abominations? I am a doctor ! An intellectual ! I am respected by my peers and the entire village, and I won’t tolerate having my name sullied, especially by the likes of you .”

“Especially by the likes of me? ” the blood is rushing to her head.

“Yes, you. You have never studied anything. You have never had a real job in your life. That pathetic coffeeshop of yours is barely getting by on a good day. You can’t cook a simple dish decently. What are you good for? Complaining and wasting my hard-earned money. Maybe you’re so friendly to those faggots because they can’t have children, just like you.”

In Marlene's mind, everything goes blank. Then, a single thought surfaces with striking clarity.

God, I am so stupid. So colossally stupid.

In the flash of a second, a myriad of answers, of offences, of retorts cross her mind. Instead, she makes a decision.

She mechanically heads to their room, positions the stool in front of the cupboard and steps on it. She searches blindly until she finds the black and purple duffle bag she used to use for holidays, all those years ago. Calmly, methodically, she opens her drawers one by one, positioning her clothes so that they take up minimal space.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Luke demands from the door, with barely concealed anger.

“You will receive notice from my lawyer on Monday. I will hope for your cooperation so that the divorce will be carried out quickly and with as little fuss as possible. If not, I have every intention of settling the matter in court. You are never to speak to me directly again. Any and all conversation between us from now on will happen through my lawyer. Once the divorce is finalised I intend to never see your face again in my life. I’ll send someone for the rest of my belongings,” She zips the duffel bag closed. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I believe I have somewhere to be.”

She bypasses her husband, ex-husband now in all ways but law, who is staring at her immobile, like a statue, and with a few strides, she’s out of the house.

Once out, she starts running. Once or twice, she stumbles and almost falls, but she doesn’t slow down nonetheless. Her feet can’t carry her fast enough. 

She arrives in front of a familiar little house, at the outskirts of Fenneltown. She takes a breath. She glues her hand on the doorbell.

“Coming, coming! ” she hears from inside and retracts her finger as if struck by lightning. Footsteps. The front door opens.

Dorcas is standing there, her hair untied, in her night robe. “Marlene, what-” she takes in the duffel bag in her hand,”has something happened?”

“I left Luke.”

Her eyes widen. “You did?”

“Yes, I did, and I- I just-”

Sod it, she thinks and she closes the gap between them, pulling Dorcas down for a kiss.

It lands awkwardly and she lets out a muffle of surprise, but almost immediately adjusts her face and reciprocates, carding her fingers through Marlene’s hair. 

It’s every movie cliché imaginable. It’s butterflies. It’s fireworks. It’s everything she’s been imagining and more. 

Dorcas pulls away. “About damn time,” she states and dips in for another kiss, if possible, even more passionate than the previous one. 

“About time, huh?” Marlene breathlessly asks when she pulls away for the second time. The kiss left her dizzy, light-headed. She wants to start giggling.

“Yes. I didn’t know how much longer I could stall my PhD for.”

“You were stalling ?”

“Marlene, I could’ve finished that shit ages ago. I was waiting for you. And just as I was starting to lose hope…”

Marlene can’t help herself. She pulls Dorcas back in, feeling like a kid in a candy store that’s suddenly been told to take as much as she wants.

“You’re going back to Liverpool, right? Take me with you.”

“Of course I will. If it’s what you really want.”

“It is. I hate this village. I hate the coffee shop. I never want to see his face again.”

“Then we could leave tomorrow, even.” Dorcas' hand is carding through her hair.

“Tomorrow, then, as soon as possible,” she kisses her again. “I’ll get a job.” kiss . “I’ll study like I wanted to” kiss . And I’ll be with you.”

“Yes, yes you will," kiss . "God, Marlene, you drive me crazy. Get inside already. Put the duffel bag down. You won’t need it for some time.”

Marlene laughs, happy, happier than she ever remembers herself being, so happy she can barely contain it in her chest. She closes the front door, wrapping herself in Dorcas’ arms.

Outside, the night is dark, but the small light shining from Dorcas’ window, just for tonight, could brighten up the entire world.