Chapter Text
It has been recorded time and time again that pokemon are more in tune with the natural world than we humans. Instances of entire towns of feline and mammalian pokemon dragging humans to safe places moments before an earthquake hit, pokemon saving strangers lost in forests, pokemon frantically opening doors and dragging humans out of their homes moments before storms caused floods that swept away entire villages are just a few of the examples of a nationally known phenomena. When it comes to natural disasters and the natural world, it is a truth universally known- yet simultaneously ignored- that the pokemon know a lot more than we humans about how the world works. At least at the instinctive level.
Which is why it came to be a direful concern when a young boy introduced himself to me, requested the lab help him with his pokemon studies, and proceeded to terrify almost all pokemon he ever met.
As well as many of the humans.
Unintentionally.
The boy was a mystery, and despite monitoring the results have been… annoyingly inconclusive and simply create more questions than they answer.
Worrying questions.
-Professor Juniper, Head Researcher of Pokemon Origins
Selren was shockingly terrified, and unfortunately that was not a pun on the status of the electric type moves that had been thrown around. His day had started normally. Wake up at the predestined time, fly to the berry bush that he knew still had berries on it and eat his fill for a meal, contemplate the existential dread of existence, and then go to the clearing where he could gaze at the ancient oak and feel calm at how small and insignificant his existence is in the great span of the past and future.
Everything was going as foretold.
Until the pink one showed up.
In Selren’s visions, there was not supposed to be a human on the hill. In his visions, the storm would rage and cry, great torrents of rain would crash down and flood the homes of many pokemon and animals alike, several mudslides and other small catastrophes would happen. Should happen.
Though they didn’t.
Ever since he evolved into a Xatu, Selren was in general never surprised. He had seen all there was, all there could be, all there would be, and it broke something in him.
So seeing someone who simply did not show up in his visions of the future at all was alarming. That alarm turned to to outright terror as the pink clad human set up an instrument beneath the ancient oak and began taunting the storm. No, not taunting.
Challenging the storm.
A challenge that was answered as the sacred Zapdos, lightning ruler of the storm, descended to make the human face their wrath. Selren genuinely believed that the human was about to die, turned into a crisp, crispy critter.
As the Lord of Lightning brought down his calamitous wrath, so too did the human raise their instrument with equal fervor. The lightning struck the guitar, and instead of being destroyed grew in power. It became louder, and after the human pulled a cord on the strange guitar it began to growl with a bestial heartbeat all on it’s own.
Then, the human and pokemon fought.
Selren could not say the he had not seen something like this before. In times long and ancient, humans fought side by side with pokemon against other humans and pokemon. Their many titles thrummed through his mind, images of the past reminding him. DragonBlooded, Aura Guardians, Tempered, Fateborn.
As the human kicked the Lord of Lightning in the beak and swung the guitar with a mighty twang, Selren mused. No, the human was not one of those from the past. This was something new. Something different. Exciting.
It was strange, Selren mused. Watching this, and not knowing what was about to happen was actually exciting. The lack of knowledge of the future terrified him, and yet entranced him in equal measure. Maybe, just maybe, he could follow that human. If they were a trainer, they might just help keep the existential dread at bay. Keep him from his final end.
Oh hope, able to make fools of us all.
There were times that Ein decided that life was beautiful, well worth living, and a glorious gift to be graced with having. Times when the sheer majesty and glory of the world’s living symphony sung in harmony both awe inspiring and humbling. When the music was bright and beautiful, the sun shining proud with nary a cloud in the sky accompanied only by his guitar and the rustle of the wind through the trees.
This was not one of those times.
The sky was dark and cloudy with the sun almost an afterthought in the sky, the wind was a slowly building avalanche in motion. The precursor to the coming torrential downpour let lose a titanic rumbling of thunder up and down the hills. Pokemon were already trying to escape and get to higher ground. While not exactly flood pains, this hilly meadow was known for flooding, not so dry anymore stream beds decorating the bottom of the hills.
Despite all of this, what can best be described as an aggressively pink malcontent stood at the top of a hill with the oldest oak tree of the land… and had the audacity to be playing an abomination of an electric guitar. The human wore pale pink ribbons in and on their hair, reminiscent of a sylveon’s own, a pink and white feather themed choker, a blouse that flowed into a short miniskirt. Their leggings were the same pale pink and ended in a feathery flourish, her not-quite neon pink combat books that had white trim, same colored opera gloves that went almost to their shoulder. They even had a bow in their hair, of the same style as a sylveon and matching ribbons flowing down to act like two sylveon themed hair extensions. Contrary to the effeminate looks the pinkette had a lovely low tenor as they, by all witness accounts, sang and danced to a song as the storm began its overture. Music with no proper words, more chanting and rather reminiscent of ancient Galar folk songs.
The aforementioned malcontent seemingly ignored all of the storm, their focus solely on the sound and music they were creating. Their voice echoing in the wind and rain, the greasy ozone smell filled the air, a low hum of buzzing filled the air, and yet they continued playing. The solo act of singing eventually reached a crescendo, dramatically as though playing to an unseen audience, and perfectly timed a bolt of lightning struck down muck to the fright of all the onlooking pokemon and humans. The bolt struck the guitar, and without skipping a single beat, with electricity branching off of them and their guitar, the musical malcontent changed from the classical Galar style of music to what can only be described as Melodic Death Metal with a ‘female’ style vocalist.
The onlooking pokemon and human looked both alarmed that the obviously unhinged person literally playing death metal in a lightning storm on a hilltop and screaming in song at the sky to hit them again.
The sky, it seemed, replied ‘Begone’ and what was obviously a pokemon attack of blinding yellow-white lightning fell upon the pinkette musician who ‘caught’ the attack on their electric guitar.
Bolt after bolt struck down, and the music only became louder, the guitar letting out branches and trails of electricity, the musical malcontent’s hair all standing up from the electricity.
The song finished with the electric guitar’s flourish and the guitar pointed right into the clouds. “I challenge you to a music battle!”
Lightning crackled in the clouds, thunder rumbled in greater and greater intensity. The clouds did not part, they simply opened with a flourish and presented a path for the creator of the storm to fly through. A large, yellow and black bird descended from the sky, wings jagged and beak long and dangerous, with talons that could rent the sky asunder.
Zapdos upon seeing a defiant, annoying and loud human decided to punish them for their insolence. Energy and light coalesced into a sphere in front of the Zapdos’ beak, the low powered zap cannon firing to the onlooking horror of all those who were frozen in place to watch what they believed to be a tragedy about to happen.
The human casually swung the guitar like a bat that, upon contact with the electric attack, reflected the zap cannon like a baseball. The Zapdos, so befuddled that a mere human reflected his attack they didn’t quite get out of the way fast enough, which led to the electric attack hitting the legendary bird right in the face.
“Coward! Thundurus would have accepted this music battle! What’s wrong, are you so bad at singing that you can’t carry a tune in a bucket? You’re a bird for Arceus’ sake! A SONGBIRD of the STORMS! Do you have no pride?” The voice spoken was soft in the way riverstones were soft and strong in the way a sword sung when swung. Cutting and powerful despite its softness, yet precise and clean.
The legendary bird paused for a moment, glaring at the human and seeming to get more and more furious as the moment passed. Trails of electricity from Zapdos’ intensified, gathering and culminating to a truly potent power. This time Zapdos did not hold back, the full weight and power of the storm at their command as Zapdos screamed an attack, and the sky fell.
“My name is Ein and if you won’t come down here for a music battle, or a proper fight you coward, I guess that I’ll just have to come up there!” As the lightning fell, the self-declared Ein put the guitar on the ground, braced against it with a foot and gripped a pull cord on the side of the guitar… and pulled. An engine started in the guitar, and with a malicious gleeful laugh tossed the electric guitar twirling in the air. The electric attacks were redirected to the guitar that only seemed to get more and more viscous with the sounds the engine was making.
Once the deluge of lightning stopped Zapdos began to descend for a fly-by bombardment to finish the uppity human, and was summarily surprised when the human ran sideways up the tree, suddenly showing much more power and strength than they were expecting. Zapdos barely dodged the rumbling guitar, but didn’t dodge the pink boot to the face.
Zapdos was, in a word, incensed that a human had hit him with their FEET. THEY were the Strong Legs pokemon! It was insult piling upon insult! Zapdos’s claws glowed, intent on disemboweling this wretch of a human! A claw rose up to the stomach of the human, and was caught off guard as the missed guitar came around full circle.
Zapdos did not defend themselves. They were a legendary pokemon, no lowly human could harm them with naught but their own power. At least, that was what the legendary believed at the time.
The yellow angry bird’s opinion underwent a paradigm shift as they became a living speaker to the absurdity of the electric guitar slamming into them with force enough to embed them into the ground. What could likely be best described as an unwilling embarrassed quack resounded across the landscape, perhaps dealing even more emotional damage than the physical damage that was just delt.
This was not the end of the torment that befell the legendary bird, as they fell like a rock from the sky, Ein ignoring much of the impact after using zapdosas a convenient cushion to break his fall. With his boots on Zapdos’s beak, Ein held his rumbling electric guitar to the legendary’s head and spoke in a low tone. “All you had to do was accept the challenge, or refuse. You are the one that turned this into a fight. What are you doing over here in Unova anyway? Aren’t you going to piss off Zekrom what with slumming it in his territory?”
More confused and befuddled rather than hurt, Zapdos gave out an confuddled ‘bwak’ and began staggering away from ‘The Pink One’.
“Stop! Police! You may not capture that pokemon!”
With a sigh, Ein pointedly ignored the Officer Jenny that came running their direction with a megaphone, an arcanine, two police cars… and poked Zapdos with the rumbling guitar as the legendary attempted to flee.
“Z-Zap, Dos-Zap” The legendary bird mumbled, sneering, and angry as they looked up at the human, trying to right themselves and forcing Ein to leap off the pokemon, his boots making a muddy squish in the ground. Only then realizing that his boots were absurdly dirty.
“Aw, now I’m gonna have to clean my boots all special… And what the hell do you mean you lost a bet? Wait don’t tell me-” Ein’s pale blue eyes shimmered with mirth and excitement, the confusing human almost vibrating in place from the pure energy in their whole being.
“You lost a karaoke bet with someone- wait no, sister? Brother? Both? And now you hate any and all music battles, your heart forever forsworn from the glory and honor of the righteous wonder of music battles. No longer shall your heart beat to the rhythm of music in your chest, no longer shall you flap the bass drums of-”
“Freeze!”
“...You know, if your arcanine actually knows a move called freeze, that’s a little bit on the nose as a police officer and kinda hilarious. On the other hand, I don’t like the cold. Do I have to?” Ein said with a frown, still watching Zapdos abscond from the area, not even turning to look at the ‘Jenny’ that was making their way over.
“You do not have a license to capture pokemon, nor do you have the authority to even attempt to capture Class 5 pokemon! Hands on your head and lay down on the ground.” Officer Jenny yelled, the megaphone amplifying the voice enough that even the Zapdos was momentarily distracted from Ein to turn and glare at the police officer.
“M’am, I don’t even have any pokeballs to capture this angry yellow fearow. I wouldn’t want to capture this jerk anyway, what kind of flappy winged jester doesn’t accept a music battle!” Ein complained, simply holding his still rumbling guitar.
“Dos-Zapdos!” The legendary practically yelled at Ein, electricity trailing off the wings of the pokemon as they flapped their wings, slowly rising off the ground and flinging mud free from their feathers.
“What?! Do you really think it would have made ANY sort of difference if I had been playing Kantoian Polka? Seriously?” Ein’s tone changed, dripping with sweet saccharine venom. “Do you think I care about you being related to the Strong Legs pokemon? I would totally have beaten you in a dance competition too. Psh, I’d rather have let you hit me with your anemic lightning than have to live through a Polka-” Ein continued before he was rudely interrupted by the Jenny.
“Stop antagonizing the legendary! Arcanine! Grab that trainer and get us out of here!”
“Legally not a trainer!”
>LEGENDARIUM>JOHTO>General
>ONLINE: Articuno, Mew, Moltres, Lugia[M], Giratina[A], Palkia[A]
>MOTD: Clean up your own messes or you will be used to clean them. -Rayquaza
>Giratina is currently streaming.
Articuno: I’ll concede that watching the braviary there run full tilt into the canyon wall on repeat was a very satisfying experience. Jerk deserves it.
>A Shocking Zapdos Has Appeared!
Zapdos: MEW
Zapdos: What in the reverse world was that! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!
Mew: Huh? What’s up angry bird?
Zapdos: Don’t give me that!
Zapdos: SOme ‘human’, FULLY GARBED WITH EYE SEARING PINK, challenged me to a music off then decked me with an electric guitar. You are not supposed to be getting involved with human affairs! You should not be pretending to BE a human!
Mew: Pft- HAHAHAHAHAHA, you WHAT?!
Articuno: Wait wait wait- Back that up a bit.
Articuno: You fought a human?
Articuno: And LOST? Sis, how?!
Zapdos: I did not lose! And it was mew so it doesn’t count anyway!
Moltres: Mew’s been with us the whole time.
Lugia[M]: Giratina’s been doing some server maintenance and testing some new features, so we’ve been hanging out here while we watch the stream break.
Lugia[M]: It’s been a lot more entertaining than it really should be.
Giratina[A]: SORRY, BUT THE MAIN ISSUES SHOULD BE FIXED.
Giratina[A]: STILL TRYING TO PARSE WHAT’S CAUSING THE STUTTERING.
Giratina[A]: IT EITHER HAS TO DO WITH TIME DILATION OR DIMENSIONAL INTERFERENCE. NARROWING IT DOWN IS TAKING LONGER THAN I THOUGHT.
Mew: I have no idea what either of those things mean in this instance but we got it big guy, you just do you, you are unintentionally making my day! Nothing like some meme-tastic video loops with broken audio.
Zapdos: Enough about that, MEW! If it wasn’t YOU then who WAS it!
Mew: Lol, idk let's take a look then
Zapdos: What are you doing? Why are you here?
Mew: LOL
>Mew has posted a picture: BootToTheBeak.jpg
Mew: I’m pretty sure that’s not a guitar print! Ahahahahahahaha!
Articuno: Ha! Nice one!
Moltres:
Moltres:
Moltres: That’s a good picture of you sis!
Moltres: The muddy black smudge of a bootprint on your beak really makes the rest of your haphazard disposition shine through.
Moltres: But really though
Moltres: How?
Lugia[M]: Zapdos? Think you can tell us the whole story?
Lugia[M]: You look like you’ve been in an actual fight, and considering that usually takes getting a beating from me or your siblings that’s an accomplishment on too many levels for anything close to a normal human.
Lugia: They could very well have been a pokemon in disguise if they managed to do THAT to you.
>An electric Zapdos has fled the channel.
Articuno: Nah, sis just has to get gud, right mew?
Mew: dodginglightingsorrybbs
>A wild Mew has fled the channel.
Moltres: Lugia, I think Zapdos might be a bit distracted by Mew right now… maybe ask later?
Moltres: I uh, think I can hear the zap cannon from all the way over here…
Articuno: Hey, better Mew than Me.
Moltres: Hey Art, this means lightning island is empty again…
Articuno: Say no more Mol
>An artistic Articuno has fled the channel.
>A burning Moltres has fled the channel.
Lugia[M]: *SIGH*
>An inquisitive Latias has joined the channel.
Latias: so i just got an awesome pic from mew
Latias: whats all this boot to the beak stuff about
“-finally get a reply, they tell me to wait! A legendary was sighted, they have VIDEO of the event, and they want to interrogate him to find out what happened?! They know what happened! It was recorded! They should be putting him into the care of the pokemon lab not jail! It’s obvious he had absolutely no intention of capturing them just from the fact that they went alone and had no pokeballs, so what in the actual name of Arceus are you guys doing?”
The unfortunate secretary for the Opelucid Police Department did her best to smile as someone much, much higher than her paygrade was laying into her. She was given a directive, make sure the interrogation team was undisturbed, everyone and everything could wait. ‘No matter what.’ However, when someone with authority well above her own starts making a big stink about what they were doing, it was seen as an act of self preservation to send the problem further up the chain.
If it were not for the fact that further up the chain was corrupt. The secretary didn’t know if they were just a political party, a Team, or what, but people in her unfortunate department were not being their best selves.
So why should she?
“Listen m’am, he is being interrogated right now by several officers-”
“Stop” The outright terrifying woman said, a small cinccino by her feet seeming to freeze, eyes going wide and almost petrified at the implications.
“You put Ein in a room with other people, more or less locked him in, probably ignored all of the notations on his file, have left him in that interrogation room for several hours, and you’re what… thinking that is in any way a good idea?”
The secretary’s expression changed quite starkly to one of outright confusion.
“Alright, you all misunderstand. I’m not here to get Ein out of answering questions. I’m here to protect you from property damage and your people from needing mental health counseling. Or medical fees. Look up his police record. You’ll see what I mean.”
There was a moment of silent clicking and clacking as the secretary did just that, then a shocked gasp of air. “Okay- right uh- keys keys where are my- got’em.”
Leaving her desk an absolute mess, she frantically ran off to the side door and opened the physical and electronic locks. “Maybe if we hurry there won’t be any damage yet?” The secretary said hopefully… her guest shook her head slowly, denying the possibility.