Archive of Our Own

Were you supposed to cry when you were dying? Perhaps go through all the stages of grieving for yourself? Is there a right or wrong way to die, to spend your last fleeting moments of reality? All Lance could do was lie upon the cold hard rock underneath him, staring up to the sky.

It was supposed to be simple. The mission had been so carefully and meticulously drafted out that there was little room for error, yet here they were. 

“If only I hadn’t left Blue…” Lance thought. “If only I hadn’t been so cocky in my own abilities. Maybe then, just then I would-” .

But the ‘what ifs’ seemed too cliché now. Why focus on what could’ve been done in his final moments? What good would it do to tear himself down again between his last breaths? Lance was simply done. He wouldn’t reprimand and degrade himself before his consciousness slipped. He owed that much to himself. To them.

Them. The people that life had brought him. Mama, Papa, Marco, Luis, Veronica, Rachel, Lisa, Nadia, Sylvio, Abuelo y abuela, his beloved family that he held so dear to his heart, the ones he thought of and pictured in his head every day. Oh how he just wanted to make them proud… Then of course his friends and now his brothers and sister in-combat; Hunk, Pidge, Keith, Allura, Coran and Shiro. All he wanted to do was prove to them that he was worthy of being a Paladin. All that effort he had spent over time to try and act as a people pleaser to them when he should’ve just admitted his strengths and weaknesses instead of pretending he could do what everyone else could.

 But he was worthy. Blue had picked him .

Everything that could’ve gone wrong, went wrong. They were caught off guard in a vulnerable state. They were supposed to go to Azurn, a gray rainy planet that was full of slate gray canyons and gray tundra river valleys with little blue flowers that almost looked like the Bluebells back on Earth except for the Stigma of the flower, which was a glowing golden-flecked orb. It seemed as if this planet was devoid of all color besides these flowers that gracefully caressed the plains. Even the rain and the rivers ran a light gray.

The plan had them landing their Lions on the planet and collecting the alien “pollen” from these Flowers. They carried properties that were useful for healing, but could also be transformed into a source of energy or when combined with something hot (like a shot from a blaster) would explode. They would’ve landed the castle on the planet but it was too small, which is why the lions were necessary for transport.

Afterwards, they were supposed to search nearby canyons for an entrance that a Galra Resistance group had created. They had gotten a distress signal because this resistance group had encountered a small Galran fleet a week before when the Paladins were occupied with a higher priority mission. The resistance group requested supplies and tech, and would give them secured intel that one of the members had gained during the attack. But this group had become so paranoid after the attack that they would not outwardly disclose where they had relocated to, leaving the Paladins to figure it out themselves from a set of very obscure clues. Shiro and Keith were supposed to leave their lions at the bottom of one of the canyons while they walked in search of an entrance. Hunk and Pidge would be flying overhead to see if they could spot anything that would help them locate the Resistance group. And finally, Lance was supposed to stay in his lion at the top of the canyon to be on lookout. That’s when they heard Allura yelling over the comms that Galran fleets had just appeared and began attacking the castle and heading down to Azurn.

Hunk and Pidge went straight to defending the castle, while Lance tried to hold off Galran fighter pilots from getting to Keith and Shiro’s lions before they did.There was so much yelling. Orders being given, panicked voices shouting out as the lions got hit. So much chaos. Lance was able to hold them off long enough for the Black and Red lions to join the fight.

Lance was preoccupied with fighting off his immediate attackers and trying to protect his friends that he failed to see the Galran Battleship shoot a massive laser down at the canyon, at him. Blue had crashed to the ground and Lance was ejected from her mouth, hitting the ground hard and tumbling 50 meters away from the edge of a nearby cliff. The glass on his helmet was completely shattered and parts of his armor had busted off from the impact. His comms were now coming in with a tinny and crackling sound. He could barely make out what others were saying, that static hurting his already ringing ears. Lance took off his helmet and lay it in a little puddle upon the ground next to him.

Lance tried his hardest to pull himself up off the ground. He winced as his core bent, he knew that he had at least a few broken ribs to accompany the friction lacerations covering the areas of skin the armor had broken off of. As he managed to stand up, he spotted five Galran fighters land, the pilots getting out and running toward him with guns pointed directly at him. Lance gripped his Bayard and turned it into his gun. He just needed to manage to get them before they got him so he could make it back to Blue who was laying only 100 meters away. He was able to take two soldiers down before he felt a hot sharp pinch hit his side causing Lance to stumble.

“Just 10 more meters,” Lance thought as he gathered himself enough to turn and sprint behind one of Blue’s legs, finally taking cover. He heard gunshots whiz past him and he momentarily looked down at  his right hip. Dark red blood was quickly trickling down his right leg, staining the white and blue armor as it went. He felt frozen for a few seconds as he stared at the blood. It was too much blood. Losing any more would not put him in a good situation.

He unfroze from his thoughts as he heard footsteps round the corner of Blue’s leg and turned his head when- wham.  

The backend of the Galran soldier’s gun was crushed into his nose with a sickening crunching noise. It was meant for the side of Lance’s head to knock him out, but Lance had turned his head too fast. Without even realizing it, Lance had already pulled the trigger on his bayard and taken out the soldier. His adrenaline was now coursing through his veins so high that he barely noticed any pain in his nose which was currently gushing blood down his face and neck..

In fact, he almost felt an air of confidence from how fast he was able to take out the Soldier in a moment’s notice.

“Three down, two to go”.

Lance got into a crouch position and hoisted his bayard up. He took a deep breath then shifted out of cover to where he could now see the final two soldiers who were running towards Blue. He took down the first one before they had time to pause and lift their gun. Lance felt a blast graze his left deltoid from the last standing soldier, but he was too into it now to care. With ease he took out the last soldier in a headshot.

 Although Lance hated the Galran empire, he still felt a sense of empathy towards the soldiers and civilians caught up in the war, forced to do Zarkon’s bidding. He prayed every night that any soldier he took out would be able to go quickly and without any pain. It’s what he would want for himself after all. 

Lance wiped a combination of rain, sweat, and blood from his face and  took a few seconds to evaluate his next course of actions. He would just ask- wait. His helmet with his comms was back where he had left it lying on the ground. Once he got his helmet back, then he could call for help. 

Pain was starting to set in on his hip and his nose, and he didn’t know how much longer he could be of use in fighting. He would have to call for backup and try to hold out for as long as he could with whatever amount of energy he had left. With a slight limp, Lance started running towards his helmet. It was just 100 meters back the way he came, he could do it, he would be fine.

Or at least that’s what he thought. He didn’t see the other fighter pilots land on the other side of Blue, didn’t hear them begin capturing her. All he could think about was getting to his helmet. He finally reached it and bent down as a shot hit the ground just a meter away from his feet. Lance scooped up the helmet and ran back towards the cliff. Maybe, just maybe there was water or something at the bottom. Some sort of cover. Out where he was he was exposed. He couldn’t run back to Blue, that’s where the enemy now was, and he couldn’t go to the abandoned fighter ships, they were too far and he would never make it. So the cliff was his only option.

Lance got to the edge of the cliff and looked over and… nothing. There was nothing. No river, no water, no lower ledge to catch him. Just a straight 400 meter drop that he would not survive.

“No.. No, there has to be something! Dios, please ! There has to be something here! I-” Lance felt tears prick his eyes as he frantically scanned over the flat rock below the cliff. Lance lifted up his helmet, all he could do now was to call for backup.

“Shiro- Keith- somebody ! I need help! I’m in a vulnerable position and-!”

And just like that his helmet got shot out of his hand. Lance watched in what seemed like slow motion as the helmet turned downwards in the air, falling to its inevitable doom. All hope left Lance. It’s almost like he had a notion, like he knew what was to come. He turned around and looked toward the Galran soldiers as he felt the impact on his chest. He had been shot again. But this time, he knew there was no saving him. He would bleed out before reaching the pods, all of the magical flowers they had gotten earlier were on Blue, he had nothing.

Lance’s legs went limp as he fell sideways to the ground. He didn’t care anymore. He didn’t care if someone decided to shoot him in the head and take him out, if they attempted to capture him. He knew. Knew that this was his final moments and what came after simply didn’t matter.

“Leave the Paladin, we have the Lion!” Lance heard one of the soldiers shout out to the others that had been pursuing him.

“Blue, if you can hear me, know that I’m sorry,” said Lance sorrowfully before he felt their connection dissipate.

Lance turned on his back, parallel to the edge of the cliff, his left hand just barely draping over the side. He looked upwards into the rainy sky, seeing the occasional Galran ship or Lion go by over him.

Were you supposed to cry when you were dying? Perhaps go through all the stages of grieving for yourself? Is there a right or wrong way to die, to spend your last fleeting moments of reality? He had heard once that your memories would flash before your eyes, but he wasn’t sure if that was true or rather wishful thinking. Wishful thinking . Something that would get him nowhere now. Instead of grasping on to what he wishes could happen, Lance made the decision to greet Death with an embrace. Almost as if Death were an old friend, coming to pick him up from the end of a journey.

Be careful that you do not interpret this as Lance wanting to die, although he had thought it before, he never actually wanted to. In fact he had wanted to live, to become stronger and to be there when they finally saved the Universe.

But all Lance could do was lie upon the cold hard rock underneath him, staring up to the sky. All Lance could feel was a sense of a numbing peace settling across his body. Even though his blood puddled around him and ran off the edge of the cliff to the depths below, his pain seemed to ease.

Through it all, everything he had experienced, everything that had led up to this very moment, the good, the bad, the ugly, everything. Lance knew one thing. He had loved every second of it.