Chapter Text
Blitzø didn’t know what he did wrong. One day Stolas and his relationship was as perfect as a relationship could get, the next Stolas was giving him the cold shoulder. Blitzø wracked his brain trying to think of where he could have gone wrong and came up with nothing. They hadn’t had any fights and nothing hectic has happened recently. It’s been pretty peaceful lately. The first red flag was when several things in their routine changed.
Blitzø lived in the palace now and has been for a few years. It had been such an immensely happy day when Stolas had asked him to move in. They were on a date Stolas had planned, the two of them sitting out in an open field in the middle of nowhere on Earth. There was a gentle breeze that rustled Stolas’ feathers every now and again and Blitzø just wanted to reach out and tuck the stray ones back into place. He could do that, run his fingers through the soft feathers framing Stolas’ face and kiss away the soft smile he would find there. He was staring and he knew it. Stolas was leaned back on his arms behind him and was watching the horizon. The sun was setting and the air was beginning to cool. In the golden light, Stolas could only be described as breathtakingly beautiful. Blitzø’s heart swelled with an overwhelming feeling of contentment and belonging and he loved this man so much.
Stolas turned toward him and gave him a small smile when their eyes met. “Blitzy, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”
Blitzø froze, an inkling of fear of the unknown. Despite Stolas’ insistent confirmations of love, years of insecurity were hard to get rid of. “What’s up?” Blitzø asked, hoping he was able to keep the worry out of his voice. Stolas would never do anything to hurt him, he reminded himself.
“You’ve been staying over more and more,” Stolas began, and he seemed almost shy as he ducked his head. “I was wondering if you wanted to move in?”
Blitzø could only crack a huge grin as he moved to tackle Stolas to the ground, sealing his answer with a heated kiss. As the sun set around them and night blanketed the sky, Blitzø knew he would always remember this day.
That moment was a fond memory for Blitzø, one he cherished. It took him a while to get used to living in a palace, but slowly it became home. Somewhere he felt like he belonged.
He tried not to think about how he was gradually starting to feel like a stranger in his own home.
The first time Blitzø noticed, he thought it’d just be a one-off. Stolas and Blitzø shared a bed and every night they would curl up around each other, seeking warmth and the presence of the other. Touch to confirm they were still there, they were still together, and nothing could pull them apart. Blitzø liked the nights when Stolas curled around Blitzø like a protective blanket and Blitzø never felt safer. On the night Blitzø noticed the change, he could feel a foreboding chill prickling his skin. They had gotten into bed like usual, but Stolas had laid down at the very edge of the bed, his back to Blitzø. They hadn’t fought that day, so Blitzø was confused at the coldness. He reached for Stolas’, gently laying a hand on the feathered shoulder. He could feel Stolas stiffen at the contact before he shrugged off Blitzø’s hand. Blitzø jerked his hand back like it was on fire. The sharp tang of rejection made his heart thump painfully, and he could feel a sense of dread wash over him. He laid down and listened to the telltale cooing signifying Stolas was asleep. He didn’t get any sleep that night, eyes trained on the soft lines of Stolas’ back, wondering what was wrong.
He thought things would be different in the morning. Their morning ritual even before Blitzø moved in was constant and it never changed. Usually, they’d wake up intertwined and the one who would wake up first would gently wake the other up. From there, soft kisses and whispered words were shared as they slowly woke up. But since they went to bed separated, Blitzø found himself only covered by the bed sheet that was pulled up to his neck. Turning, he could see Stolas was already awake, sitting up and preparing to get out of bed. He didn’t make a move to get close to Blitzø and he didn’t even glance in his direction as he stood up.
He had just left the bed without kissing Blitzø good morning.
Blitzø could only sit there in silence as a cold chill washed over him. Staring into space he could only wonder what he did wrong. They were doing so good, better than good. He couldn’t come up with anything that would make Stolas act so distant toward him. Blitzø numbly got out of bed and headed to the bathroom where Stolas had disappeared to. Stolas stood at the sink brushing his teeth and barely looked at Blitzø as he hopped on the imp-sized stool and next to him also began the task of brushing his teeth. When they were both done, Stolas moved to leave the room but Blitzø shot out a hand to grab his wrist. Gently, but it still stopped Stolas in his tracks.
“Hey,” Blitzø started, speaking over the lump in his throat. “What’s going on with you?”
Stolas looked him in the eyes and Blitzø had to resist the urge to flinch. Those eyes were cold, not containing any of the warmth they usually held. Stolas had never looked at him like that. Dismissive. Like he could stare straight through Blitzø and not even notice he was there.
“Nothings wrong, I feel fine,” Stolas answered, and his voice was clipped, leaving no room for arguing. He shook off Blitzø’s hand and left the bathroom. He still hasn’t kissed Blitzø good morning, but Blitzø realized that was the least of his problems. Blitzø could only worry about what this meant, and a cruel voice settled in the back of his mind, whispering words of vitriol and loathing. Suddenly all of Stolas’ reassurances of love fickled into smothered embers as the familiar flame of self-hatred made its way into Blitzø’s heart. Stolas was pulling away and Blitzø could only watch while whispered words of Blitzø being unlovable wrapped around his heart like a familiar monster.
After that day, the distant night and morning routine was their constant. During the day Stolas still would occasionally kiss him but it was lifeless, never holding the affection or enthusiasm it used to. Sex was out of the question. His eyes were frigid when he would look at Blitzø and Blitzø felt like he didn’t even know the person he lived with anymore. He tried to bridge the gap between them but was only met with resistance and dismissal. He could only take rejection so many times before he broke. The words in his head spoke of how unlovable he was and how it was only a matter of time before Stolas realized it, so why was he surprised? Blitzø thought he was passed this, the words of hate retreating quietly into the back of his mind as he slowly accepted Stolas could love him. That this was something he could keep and he shouldn’t be scared to hold on tightly to it. Apparently, he had been wrong.
Blitzø convinced himself he was just too caught up in the moment to realize Stolas was drifting away until it was too late. He should have known he was living on borrowed time, that this happiness couldn’t last forever. Because no one could be around Blitzø for long before realizing he just wasn’t worth it. Wasn’t worth it to keep. He was broken and no one wanted a broken partner. Even if he gave them all that he could, loved them so much he couldn’t love them anymore it was never enough. The realization it was only a matter of time before he was thrown away had vines full of thorns curling around his heart, cutting into the bleeding out mess of a broken being.
Blitzø knew it was coming, but it didn’t hurt any less when the shoe dropped. At least he could say he initiated it. They were sitting at the breakfast table, and both just finished their food. The whole meal passed in a deadly silence, neither one breaking it. Stolas, because he didn’t care to, and Blitzø because he was too scared to. They didn’t talk much anymore. Hell, besides sleeping in the same bed they hardly saw each other. Touch was a forgotten dream that was burnt into Blitzø’s skin but he couldn’t remember the warmth that would come with it. Stolas got up from the table, put his dishes in the sink, and wordlessly turned to leave the room. Blitzø could only watch the owl’s back as he walked away. Away from him, away from their life, away from what they could have been.
He was speaking before he knew it, his voice strained. “Stolas.” And the owl paused but didn’t turn around. “I love you,” Blitzø said because that was all he could give. He was a broken man with demons in his head and a guarded heart he so stupidly lowered the walls for what he thought was a life of love and forever. But even though it was all he could give, it wasn’t enough because Stolas turned toward him and his eyes were the cold eyes he had painfully gotten used to these past few months. No longer filled with the warmth and life Blitzø used to be so familiar with. Until a few months ago, warmth was all that he knew of the owl. Now, it was only stony looks and harsh words.
When Stolas finally spoke, his words were clipped, not even a hint of what Blitzø remembered it used to be like. His tone was frigid and so cruel. “I think this has gone on long enough, Blitzø,” Stolas said, and there was no forgiveness in his voice, no remorse or comfort. Just brutal words cutting through Blitzø like the sharpest knife. “It’s time we cut ties and you move out.”
Blitzø was frozen on the spot. He can’t say he didn’t expect it but it still was like a dagger to his already shredded heart. The vines that have been a constant ache in his chest the last few months constricted, and he knew this was it.
“What did I do?” Blitzø whispered, knowing Stolas would still hear him. He needed to know where he went wrong. How Stolas could have gone from looking at him with love in his eyes to not even giving him a second thought, looking straight through him like he didn’t even exist.
Stolas didn’t spare his feelings. “There was nothing you did. It’s quite simple. I just don’t love you anymore.”
Blitzø stifled a choked sob at the words. “Oh,” he managed. “Okay. I’ll just… go grab my things.”
He brushed past Stolas in a rush to get to their room. Stolas room. Not theirs. Not anymore. Thankfully Stolas didn’t follow him. Bursting into the room he quickly grabbed a bag and began shoving his things into it. He would leave most of the stuff behind. Too many cherished memories held in them. Memories that would just be a painful reminder of how happy he could be, and how every time he loses it. He shouldn’t have even thought for a second he deserved happiness.
Finished packing, Blitzø looked around the room before his eyes landed on his nightstand. He slowly walked over to it and opened the drawer. He tried not to cry at the ring box hidden in it.
He failed.