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Achilles knew he should be friendlier with people congratulating him. After all, he had just won a race against every boy who lived in Aeolia, but the way that girl was smiling at Patroclus was irritating him so much that he couldn't think of anything else.
He knew it was childish. Achilles knew Patroclus and knew that he was kind and liked to get along with people (all people, to Achilles' misfortune). Problem was, the blond boy knew that kind of look on the girl's face. She watched the face of Patroclus ( his Patroclus) as if he were the most beautiful thing in the world. Achilles doubted she was even listening to what the other boy was saying, and that irritated him even more.
Peleus once told him not to be so jealous of his friend. His father said he knew what that feeling was like - the fear of losing an important friend to someone else - although Achilles felt angry every time he thought about it. It was Achilles who kept Patroclus company when he needed it most, it was Achilles who saved him several times from having to do tedious daily chores, it was Achilles who called him to sleep in his room, with a more comfortable bed, several times. All the other boys knew: Patroclus was Achilles' favorite. So why the hell couldn't Patroclus be just his?!
Was that not enough for Patroclus? Wasn't that enough for him to smile like that just for Achilles?
Adolescence was coming, the blond boy could tell: he felt his body changing, felt his emotions intensifying. Achilles could tell that the feeling he had for Patroclus was growing with his age. And that was a little scary, if he allowed himself to admit it.
“Patroclus!” His voice screamed. Achilles didn't even notice when he braced his voice for that scream: it was automatic. Patroclus looked at him immediately, as if he knew where Achilles had been all this time. It warmed the blond boy's insides. He liked attention. Specifically from his favorite best friend.
Patroclus said goodbye to the girl and approached his friend. He was still smiling, even with Achilles' sullen scowl. Patroclus was innocent at that age, so he assumed it was fatigue from running. It would never have crossed his mind that Achilles the prince was dying of jealousy.
"Who is she?" Achilles asked in a bitter voice. He looked at the red-haired girl. She was still looking at Patroclus, a passionate laugh on her lips. Achilles clenched his wrists.
“Ah…” Patroklos blushed. Why the hell did he blush? ! Achilles thought silently, albeit with panic. He likes her?! “She came to talk about you. We talked about how fast you were.” The little boy scratched like never. “I mean, I don't think she was even listening to me. I was talking about you for minutes, all alone.”
Achilles' childish heart exploded in that instant. There was something in his stomach, a strange but good feeling. As if something were filling his insides with air, and he was about to fly away like a bird.
Heavens, Achilles' heart beat so fast he almost cursed Eros for doing this. It was all Aphrodite's fault, she'd sent her wicked son to shoot him.
Patroclus was still looking at him, looking a little worried.
"Are you okay?"
“I…”
Then, just like that, the fastest boy in the world turned on his heels and ran away from Patroclus, his best friend. His first love.
That day was also the first time Achilles spoke an ugly word to a god.
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Achilles thought things would get better when he was sent to train with Chiron, but things just got worse.
Days before he was sent, Achilles seemed to have a reality check that he might never see his Patroclus again. This terrified him more than it should have, and the night before, Achilles had not slept.
Patroclus and he were in the same bed. Thetis didn't like that much, and Achilles knew she was watching. It didn't matter much this time. His friend's face was close, so close he could almost feel the warmth of the other boy's skin. Achilles shifted his feet and pressed his heel against his friend's, and Patroclus grunted at being woken.
"What are you doing awake?" He rubbed his eyes docilely. Achilles couldn't look away.
Perhaps someday, if Olympus let him, Achilles would ask a god to transform Patroclus into a god. Achilles would adore him daily. If all his devotees ceased to exist, then Achilles would be there. He would forever be his greatest devotee.
"I can’t sleep."
The other boy opened his eyes instantly, looking a little worried. Achilles approached, and respectfully kissed Patroclus' eyelids. He blushed, and a giggle escaped the blond boy's lips.
"Why did you do this?"
"Because I think you're beautiful."
For an instant, the air ceased to exist. Everything just disappeared, leaving only Achilles and Patroclus in the world. They looked at each other, looked at each other for so many seconds they almost forgot to blink. There was no way this could be something from friends! Friends can be curious, he knew that. Achilles has already kissed one or two of the other boys who trained with him. He knew that at fifteen, you started to feel the need to do certain embarrassing things, but even when his urge was at its height, he wasn't able to do anything more than kiss those boys.
Peleus once said that many men married to raise children and have heirs, but that in fact their hearts were so deeply tied in teenage passions that the wife they married was just a mistress left behind. Achilles wondered if that would happen to him. If he would marry and have children, but that he would always be chasing Patroclus.
“Do you want to have children?” Achilles asked suddenly.
Patroclus blinked. "I don't know. I think so."
The blond boy wrinkled his nose. A disgusting thought had just crossed his mind, and without realizing it, he voiced it: “I don't like thinking about you with a woman. Why do you have to have kids? You will never be king, you don't need heirs. Why do you have to get married? You could live with me forever. I will be king, I would give you anything you want.”
“Well, what about your wife and kids? She certainly wouldn't want to have me as a tick on you."
“I’ll only have a wife to have heirs. I'll never love her, I know that.” 'Because I love you.' Achilles wanted to complete it, but the lump in his throat wouldn't let him.
"Don't say things like that." Patroclus spoke softly. This caught his friend's attention: Patroclus had a melancholy expression on his face, and Achilles felt bad, thinking he had been too intrusive.
"I'm sorry. Of course you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with me-"
"It's not that." Patroclus stirred. Achilles' thigh touched the other boy's, and his heels tangled together like knots in a rope. “It's because I'm afraid that someday you'll get tired of me. And if you ask me to leave your house when that happens, you will destroy me.”
Silence hung. Achilles wasn't even sure he was breathing. There, he realized that no matter how many people chased after him, wanting his attention, wanting to be his favorite, that post had already been taken. Patroclus was his whole life.
"You are half of my soul." Achilles said, watching as the other boy held his breath. A hand crept up Patroclus' brown skin and neither of them breathed. Achilles knew what he was doing, because he had already done it with other boys. Has Patroclus ever done this? The thought poisoned him. He wanted to be the first to kiss thePatroclus, he wanted to be the only one to kiss him.
When his eyes lowered and found the parted lips, Achilles looked up for a second to find Patroclus already watching him. He seemed to be asking (begging) Achilles to do something, and the blond boy smiled. He smiled because he knew this would be the one thing he could never live without.
And when his lips touched Patroclus's docilely, when their noses brushed against each other, when Achilles straddled his friend's lap, he parted only for a small second to whisper. "I love you for the rest of my life."
Note: Thessaly was known as Aeolia (Ancient Greek: Αἰολία, Aiolia), and thus appears in Homer's Odyssey!