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Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Everything swayed and shifted with every breath he took. Everything was blurry. Everything was unfeeling.
"Promise?"
"I promise."
The colors filled the silent room, pinks, oranges and yellows dancing across Jungkook's face. Both their voices were low but the sound seemed to boom in his ears. He twirled the clear glass of burgundy wine in one hand, feeling the cold liquid dribble down his hand and onto the floor.
Drip.
Drip.
"Tomorrow's a mystery."
Jungkook takes another sip of the bitter alcohol and ignored the ring tone of his phone a distance away.
"I know. But.." He cupped Jimin's cheeks with both hands and pressed a lingering kiss to his lips. "this moment, right now, us... we'll last as long as forever will allow."
A slow smile tugged at his wet lips and a mirthless chuckle bubbled in his throat. "As long as forever will allow..." he stared holes into the glass. "what a load of bull."
Jimin groaned through the TV screen and the sound resonated in the whole room, almost as if Jimin was here himself in person. But he wasn't.
He hadn't been for a year now, the last traces of his presence there having had faded away ages ago. But if Jungkook tried hard enough sometimes he could smell his scent and woke in a sweat in the middle of the night when he swore he heard his light giggles.
"Why do you always have to be so mushy?" The camera shifts for a second, rustling around before a beautiful sunset came into view.
"What? Should I stop being honest now?" Jimin laughed from behind the camera and Jungkook felt his heart crack. Fuck, how he missed that sound. "Hey..."
A moment later, Jimin spun around to find Jungkook sitting down on the green grass, looking up at him. "you know how much I love you, right?"
Another moment passed before Jimin put the camera down but it was facing them. They were both sitting on a picnic blanket on a hill, overlooking the bustling city of Seoul.
Jimin took both of Jungkook's hands into his and pressed his lips against them.
" Jungkook-ah ... never as much as I love you. Never. Always remember that okay?..."
Jimin pressed another kiss to his cheek and snuggled up against him, Jungkook squeezing him tight. "Always."
Then, nothing.
The bare living room was once again plunged into darkness and Jungkook stood for a while before his knees finally gave out and sent him crumbling to the wooden floor. His glass fell to the ground, the shards breaking away into different directions.
A choked sob escaped past his trembling lips and tears ran down his face. He knew reliving everything would take a toll on him and bring him back to square one on his therapy. He knew he should have just left the old videos for Jimin's photography classes in the boxes that were marked "Do Not Open".
But he had to do this. He had to remind himself that there was a time where he was once happy.
Now, there was nothing left.
He remembers his last conversation with Jimin.
"I'm done."
" Done?" A few moments passed. The clock on the wall ticked on and the birds outside chirped. "Ok then. But I just don't know what more you want from me." He shrugged blankly.
"You!" Jimin yelled. Tears of frustration welled in his red-rimmed eyes. "I want Jungkook back. I want my Jungkook back. All I know is that you're not him. You've changed."
"Go then." Jungkook pointed a finger towards the door. "You want Jungkook back? Go get him." He forced a mirthless smile.
Jungkook saw the thick streak of light flooding into the pitch black room before he heard the door open. A fumble for the light switch and a small shocked gasp. "Jungkook!"
Jimin shook his head and came closer. "Jungkook, please. Just talk to me. I know something is wrong." He placed a hand on his arm. "This isn't like you."
Blind and senseless anger rose in Jungkook, shoving Jimin's hand away. "And how would you know? Who are you to tell me I've changed? You're the one that's changed Jimin-ah. You're the one that has become clingy. Obnoxious. Unbearable . What happened to you?"
Hurried footsteps approached him and he dropped to his knees beside him. "Jungkook." A large hand shook him gently by the shoulders, voice quiet yet assertive. "Hey. Jungkook."
"You don't mean that. I know you don't." He knew that much but the words still stung harshly, tears trickling down his flushed cheeks.
Jungkook felt the emptiness in his soul. That addictive numbing feeling. That one that takes all the pain and guilt away but just not enough to make you completely forget it. It was always so shortlived, making you want more .
He wanted the feeling to last. Everything was just eating him on the inside but this– the emptiness, the alcohol in his veins and the precious male before him –made it all go away.
And just like that, something snapped. Like a puzzle, it fell into place piece by piece.
Truth is, Jimin had too much power. Too much control over him.
He hated it. He hated him.
It was Jimin who had the ability to take it all away. To dull it somehow just by being in his presence. And Jungkook had decided there and then that he didn't want him to anymore.
He sucked in a subtle breath, feeling sick.
"Get out."
More tears fell from his eyes as the memories flashed in his hazy mind. "Don't go. I'm sorry. Don't go." He sobbed.
"Jungkook, it's not real ok? It's not real. " The older male frowned down at him, trying his best to comfort the broken man.
"What?" Jimin was genuinely confused, unaware of the untameable chaos ensuing in his mind and how fast thoughts were racing. "No. I just want to kno-"
"Get out!" He yelled.
"No." He wiped his tears away with the back of his hand, trying his best to seem strong and stood his ground. "No. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not gonna just leave you here."
Jungkook groaned, reaching up to pull and tug at his natural hair in frustration. "Get the fuck out Jimin. I don't want you here. Don't you get it? I don't need you anymore, ok?"
"But
I need you
." His voice cracked, pain clear in his voice. "With all that we've been through together, I can't see a clear future without you in it Jungkook." Jimin came closer.
"I wont force you into telling me. It's ok. Just don't make me go." He placed a hand on his cheek.
"Hyung..." He looked into Yoongi's eyes, the hurt becoming too much to bear.
"I didn't mean it. I swear I didn't mean it. B-but he... he left. He left and didn't come back. He promised he'd always come back to me." He breathed the words out, heart breaking all over again.
"Jungkook.." Yoongi paused before placing a hand on his. "Let it go." He said, while simultaneously easing the younger's fist open. Jungkook only then realised that his hand was clenched around a piece of glass, crimson dripping onto the wet floor. He doesn't even know how it happened.
Jungkook shook his head as the bloodied glass landed on the floor with a loud clink. "I just don't... understand. Over the phone, he said he cared. He said that he missed me too. Why would he lie? I... I don't get it." Liquid ran down his face but Jungkook wasn't sure whether it was tears or sweat. He could tell that he was shaking terribly, yet it felt like an out-of-body experience.
"It's ok." He pulled the younger into an embrace, feeling him tremble against his chest. Yoongi was worried. Jungkook looked a troubling shade of white, skin almost deathly pale. "It's ok now."
Now I get the feeling that you'll never need me again...
"No it's not. It's not! You don't understand!" Jungkook cried, more tears rolling down his face.
A familiar voice came from outside. "Yoongi, you little bitch! Are you not gonna help me with these grocer-" Hoseok's faux annoyance vanished the moment he saw Jungkook on the floor, surrounded by broken glass and blood. "Jungkook!"
"I just don't understand. He said he'd come back to me. I.. I don't understand." Jungkook whispered to himself, completely out of it.
Yoongi and Hoseok's voices were a distant mumble above him while the two exchanged a few words and Hoseok dropped the groceries on the counter and took Yoongi's place.
Hoseok wrapped a supportive arm around his waist and helped him to an unstable stand. "Kook-ah. You're gonna be ok now. It's ok. Nothing can hurt you anymore. It's all in the past."
With every shaky step, the darker his vision grew around the edges.
And there it was.
The sweet numbness. The breathtaking nothingness.
And into that dark, cold empty abyss, I'm falling again .