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“Come to me darling. Sit on my lap.”
Loki held his arms out expectantly, glancing over his shoulder to where you stood in the doorway. He sensed you the moment you stirred in the other room, carefully observing his obviously agitated state. Loki’s concerns that you might still fear him were abated before they were even fully formed as you scampered over to him. You smiled sweetly at him, your little brow furrowed into a worried pinch as you made your way between his arms, stopping before you sat. Loki knew you better than you knew yourself. He knew that your eyes were searching him for any and all clues to explain his tense demeanour. You always knew when something was wrong, almost as though you could sense it, like a bird inexplicably sensing a change in the direction of the wind, but you didn’t always know what “it” was. Where Loki had the uncanny ability to read people as though they were just more of his well-worn tomes, you often struggled. The cues came less naturally to you, and you generally mistrusted yourself. You wanted everyone around you to be better, to feel better and be ok, but you didn’t know how to do that. You relied on the more obvious cues and instructions from others to fill whatever role they needed you to fulfil in order to bring them happiness. A sweet sentiment, naïve and foolish, but sweet, nonetheless. Loki’s shoulders tensed further when he considered your nature, so determined to see the good in people. It made you vulnerable in ways he could not always predict.
You hesitated, not wanting to do anything wrong, causing Loki to impatiently lift you onto his lap side saddle. Your arms wound round his neck and Loki’s arms snaked around your waist. Your brow was still pinched, and he used his thumb to massage where the peaks of your muscles met, causing you to giggle and the expression to become more relaxed. Loki let a small smirk meet his lips in response to your melodious laugh, and he buried his face in the crevice between your neck and shoulder, letting out an exasperated sigh. You automatically fell into playing with the raven strands of his hair that fell to the back of his neck knowing he loved it, sighing in response as you allowed yourself to calm. Clearly the source of his agitation wasn’t you, though it rarely ever was and never for no good reason.
“What’s wrong Loki?”
Ah, so you had found your voice. You couldn’t see his face where it was buried, but you could feel his hot breath on your neck. It felt faster than usual. If he told you everything was fine, you would let the matter drop. You wouldn’t force him to tell you, your assumption being he would let you in on it when he was ready, or when it was your time to know. You weren’t much one for playing guessing games when it came to such matters and Loki appreciated your candidness. Loki’s grip on you tightened, and you pressed yourself more tightly to him, leaving hardly any room for air. You stroked your cheek against his head, increasing your ministrations to his hair so he sighed contentedly once more. Finally, he raised his head, fixing you with that emerald stare that you often struggled to meet in all its intensity. He moved his hands to caress your cheeks gently.
“It doesn’t matter for now; I just want you to be my good pet in this moment. Will you do that for me Little One?”
You nodded, that worry was in your eyes again. He kissed your forehead and smoothed his thumbs over the bridge of your nose so your eyes fluttered shut.
“Good. Thank you pet.”
You opened your eyes, the question in them obvious. You were asking for instruction, asking what he wanted and needed most in that moment.
“Let’s hold each other a little while longer, shall we? Then we can get something to eat. I know I can’t trust you to eat properly when I’m gone.”
You pouted, opening your mouth to protest when Loki fixed you with a dark warning glare. It challenged you to even attempt lying to him when you both knew that you had a tendency to eat very little or eat nothing at all when you were alone. It was a tendency Loki shared, which was one of the many reasons you and he worked so well. When trying to look after each other, you looked after yourselves as a by-product. It didn’t stop you fearing you were a burden to him though, after all, you were a fragile mortal, he was a literal God. You smiled at him appreciatively before hugging him tightly, moving to straddle him so that you could press ever closer. Loki’s fingers were subconsciously rubbing up and down your spine as he moved to lay back on the couch he had been sat on. You lay your head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat as he drew your tiny body impossibly further into his own.
You didn’t know how long you lay there, all you knew was the steady beat of Loki’s heart and the gentle touch of his caresses, tracing non-sensical patterns along your skin. It was only when you thought you might doze off on his chest that he stirred, his breathing now much calmer. You rose up and got off of him, offering your hand, which he gladly took before leading you into the kitchen of your apartment. Loki halted; eyebrows raised in surprise as you bounded forward. You were grinning from ear-to-ear, rocking on your heels with suppressed excitement. On the stove were two large pots, already full of food that just required heating, and the table was already set with the added luxury of candles. Loki smirked, the glimmer of pride in his eyes at the home you shared.
“How does spaghetti alle vongole sound to you?”
“Like Valhalla darling.” Loki purred.
He moved forward and lifted you to kiss him, spinning you around. As he set you down, he couldn’t resist the urge to tease you.
In a growl he whispered right into your ear. “Positively delectable.” Emphasising every syllable.
You bit your lip with a nervous giggle, quickly retreating from Loki’s grasp so that you could turn on the stove and heat the food.
It wasn’t long before you brought two bowls to the table, the delicious smell filling the space. You were going to sit across from Loki when his hand came to tap his thigh, clearly he wasn’t ready to be distant from you yet. You tip-toed lightly over and settled on his thigh, bowl in hand. He pulled you closer to his chest and watched as you began to eat, returning to his tracing of patterns along your arms. You looked up to find him lost in just looking at you, to which you responded with a light hit of your fork to the hand he’d left resting on his other thigh. Loki scoffed in disbelieving laughter.
“Does my pet want something?” He laughed incredulously.
“Yes. I didn’t make this delicious meal in preparation for your return only for you to feast with your eyes mister.” You said, jabbing your fork threateningly in his direction.
Loki’s lips quirked with pure mischief as he leaned into you.
“You know me better than that, when I feast it isn’t just with my eyes.” He purred salaciously.
You almost choked on your spaghetti.
“Ah ah ah!” You warned, poking him in the gut.
You both laughed as he raised his hands in a sign of surrender.
“Of course, darling, forgive me. Thank you for your wonderful efforts, it smells, looks and…” He takes a bite, groaning lightly at the flavour. “… tastes exquisite”
You preened under his praise and soon you sat in comfortable silence, finishing your meal. You finished first and rested against his shoulder as he stroked the small of your back. When he finished you moved to clean up the dishes, only to be dragged back down onto Loki’s lap.
“Loki!” You giggled with levity, but when you met his eyes there was something off.
He always looked at you softly, he was pretty much only ever tender with you. But this was different. The look he gave you made you want to cry, but you weren’t sure the tears were even your own. Your hands came up to cup his face, and Loki knew he’d been caught. He was usually so much better than this, but then he always struggled to lie to you, even if the lie was only in his face.
“Loki… what’s happening?” Your voice was so low it was hardly audible, fear threatening it with a quake.
Loki moved stray hairs behind your ear, his eyes tracing your face as though committing it to memory.
“Your strong in ways that I could never be. You’re so trusting sweetling, my Little One. Far too trusting.”
“You’re scaring me Loki.”
Loki in took breath, but the shudder in it gave you no comfort.
“I know darling, I know.”
He pressed his forehead to yours as though to steady himself before he continued.
“I don’t want you to ever have to change, beautiful soul, but you leave yourself so vulnerable. I fear for you, you are so open to exploitation, giving yourself so wholeheartedly in all you do. Especially when… when I might not always be here to protect you.”
Your grip on his shoulders tightened, but you pulled back. Your breathing had picked up drastically, your anxiety spiking with those words.
“You’re leaving me.”
The words posed like a question, but a statement of realisation, were filled with such betrayal that Loki thought he could hear your heart fracture. Suddenly you were pulling away from him, moving to the closest corner, arms wrapped around yourself. Your eyes were sparkling with threatening tears as you tried to keep calm long enough to hear an explanation.
“Pet…”
Loki reached out, but you shrunk away. His head was bowed in pain, each moment that stretched between you felt like another crack in the bonds that tied you together.
“No, tell me why you’re saying this.”
Without looking up, Loki began to speak. His posture became tense as his voice turned several degrees colder, logical, calculating.
“Surely you can’t have thought this would last forever?”
When he finally met your eyes, the look was one you hadn’t seen for a very very long time. It reminded you of when you had just met, and it made you feel as though any tenderness that had been between you was nought but an illusion with how quickly the tides of the conversation turned.
“You said for as long as I lived-”
“Well clearly that was a lie!” Loki snapped.
Your lip quivered, but so far you were holding back the tears that were conglomerating at the corners of your eyes. Loki needed the storm to hold back a little longer, just a little longer or surely his resolve would break.
“I only ever said those things as an attempt to spare your fragile feelings. I knew the truth and I think you are smart enough to know it too. Now, it’s time for me to go.”
“Where are you going?!” You voice wobbled with impending sobs.
“I’m a God darling, and that is no longer any of your concern.”
With that Loki turned and strode right out the door, shutting it behind him. As he did, he heard the sound that would echo in his mind for the rest of his pitiful life. He heard your heart break with a ghastly, sobbing scream that echoed through his bones. The hurt and confusion in it louder to him than the sound itself, and louder still as the windows in the apartment and the hallway he now stood smashed to pieces.
“So, you did it then.”
“Yes, I did just as you asked. Now, you had better hold to your side of the bargain you son of a pox-ridden whore or I swear I’ll tear everything you love to pieces.” Loki’s fists were clenched, his once silky sweet voice now a ragged, sneering, snarl.
“A deal’s a deal. They’ll be safe.”
Loki stormed down the hall, slapping away the hand that reached to comfort him, the wall he walked past erupting with countless fissures and cracks. He walked and walked, not allowing himself a moment to look back, knowing for certain if he did, he would run straight back for you, calling you, asking you to come to him, his darling.