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When Nick gets to school that morning Ben Hope is sitting on the picnic table outside the front gates. Nick doesn't even notice he's there at first; he's been texting with Charlie basically since he woke up, has navigated his way to school mostly by muscle memory. Charlie is feeling enthusiastic this morning. It's not just Charlie; Tao is complaining that Nick is distracting Charlie when he's trying to talk to him about something (probably a movie night), Tara and Darcy are doing the traditional trading of the memes in their meddling queers group chat (which used to be called meddling gays before Charlie changed it) and then Imogen tells him she's running late but to have a good day—that's when he looks up.
Ben Hope is alone. On the picnic table. Staring at Nick. "Nelson," he says.
Nick hasn't said shit to Ben since that day in the music block when he had to pull him off Charlie. He has been very careful not to say anything, or do anything, or look at him without anybody picking up on it. Charlie didn't want him to. There were too many secrets being balanced; the whole thing felt like juggling swords. But that was before—before Sports Day, and the rugby game, and Nick Nelson walking off the pitch in front of literally the entire school.
Nick's phone dings.
"That Charlie?"
Nick wants to say Obviously, wants to yell his head off at Ben for even thinking Charlie's name—let alone saying it—but Charlie wouldn't want him to. He looks down at his phone and finds a picture of Tori Spring giving him the finger and he laughs.
"What's so funny?"
Any other day, Ben would be sulking in the corner, talking shite with Harry Greene while Nick ignored him in favour of listening to Imogen rattle off the details of the latest episode of Outlander. Nick would pretend that he just doesn't exist, but now he's stuck looking at him. Imagine wishing Harry Greene would show up to break the tension.
He looks down at the picture of Tori, followed by five solid rows of heart emojis.
"My boyfriend," Nick says. "My boyfriend is funny."
He remembers being younger, a kid—back before his father left, even—running around in the woods behind his house with some mates of his, pretending to be super-heroes and wizards and cursing each other. You had to be able to cast a force-field if you wanted to avoid getting hit. Saying boyfriend feels a little bit like that. Like: What can you say to me at this point? Like: No one's even here. Like: My boyfriend is going to show up any minute and drag me inside with him and his friends. And when Ben hears the word, his whole face changes. He crumples a little, hair falling in his face.
***
Nick sits with his back against Tao's bed, next to Elle. They're watching Charlie and Tao argue about which movie to watch—Charlie is arguing for Nightmare on Elm Street 2 ("Nick has to catch up on his queer film history, Tao!") while Tao maintains it should be Doctor Zhivago night. Isaac is stretched out on the floor with his head in Elle's lap; she's idly massaging at his scalp while he flips through a copy of something called Her Body and Other Parties. Charlie is in the middle of pulling up an article about sexual repression in Nightmare 2 and waving it in Tao's face when something he says about Freddy Krueger makes Nick think of Ben Hope in the music block, and about himself.
"What do you think happens to people who don't come out?" He says it softly, only loud enough that Elle and Isaac can hear him.
"I think generally they're pretty unhappy," Elle says. She has lifted her voice ever so, enough that he knows by now that she's waiting to see where this goes. Coming out was difficult for her, not that he knows all the details of what she went through. "Why?"
"I don't know," he says. He can almost picture Ben Hope slithering out of the shadows with knives for fingers. He thinks about him gripping Charlie's face. "I was just wondering."
There must be something about his tone of voice because Elle clears her throat and addresses Tao and Charlie. "Boys," she says, loud enough that they both stop mid-thought and turn to look at her. "I think tonight might be a good time for something more upbeat."
"See, this is what I was telling you," Tao says, turning back to Charlie. "Your golden retriever has changed the whole group dynamic of movie night!"
"I thought you were looking forward to indoctrinating someone new."
Isaac turns a page. "Why don't we just watch Clue?"
"I am surrounded by philistines!"
***
After that, Nick doesn't bother with the picnic table in the mornings. Charlie and Tao start making a detour to pick him up—Tao complaining the entire time, of course—because it's only ten minutes out of the way. Eventually they start picking up Imogen too, which Nick appreciates, because it's like the good part of the picnic table came with him. Since Sports Day, Imogen has started to relax around him. Sometimes she completely ignores him and grips Charlie by the arm, dragging him in front while Nick hangs back with Tao.
Tao still makes snide comments, still refers to him as a golden retriever, talks shit about Thor and Captain America and the Scarlet Witch. "You're not allowed to make fun of Captain America," Nick says one morning. Charlie is inside with Imogen, grabbing the coffees. He's pretty sure this was Charlie's idea, because he likes leaving Nick alone with Tao like some kind cruel boyfriend/best-friend nuclear experiment. "Captain America is a bisexual icon."
Tao stares at him, momentarily frozen. "I'm trying to figure out what combination of good movies I need to make you watch to cleanse your soul of this terrible affliction of yours," he says. "I feel like I'm going to have to break out the Maya Deren for this one."
Nick is saved from having to come up with a retort by the cafe door swinging open and when he turns—expecting to see Charlie with a pair of coffees—he finds himself with Ben Hope, again. Sneering at him, again.
"Nelson," Ben says, and Nick can almost hear the knives clicking together. He looks from him to Tao and then over his shoulder again, gripping his coffee cup. "Fuck," Ben says, pivots to the left and marches down the street.
After that Charlie skitters out, followed by Imogen, who struggles to slip outside with drinks for her and Tao. Charlie stares after Ben for a full beat before turning toward Nick. He looks worried, in that extremely Charlie Spring way of his. "I'm fine," Charlie says, preemptively, although his smile looks forced. "He was just in there and—"
"Well, he's gone now," Nick says. Charlie hands him his hot chocolate and then Nick holds out his hand, because he needs the reminder that Charlie is here, Charlie is fine.