Chapter Text
Day 5, Toya Aoyagi
Toya found himself staring at the ceiling in bed.
He’s never really had trouble sleeping, but tonight…
Tonight, it’s not that he couldn’t sleep.
It’s that he didn’t want to.
He didn’t want to fall asleep because when he did, the next day would come. And each day seemed to get worse in this hell with no escape.
He decided to get up and take a look out the window, staring at nothing.
The stars were barely visible in the city, but the moon…
It was bright and beautiful.
Right now, he felt as if it was brighter than the sun.
It’s like it was… vivid. That’s the word.
And as he stared at the moon, he felt himself start slipping away. Into memories. Into emotions.
~
That first day he met Akito was… bright.
Akito was everything Toya was not.
Someone that could be easily read, someone that had a bright smile but hid a deep passion.
(Then again, as Toya would soon learn, he was also a bit of a bitch, but no one’s perfect.)
“Aoyagi, right?” Akito said with a smile.
Toya hadn’t known his name back then, only that this brilliant singer had come up to him.
He admired Akito’s singing. How free it sounded.
And now he was coming up to him?
He remembered not feeling shy in the slightest. He hadn’t felt much of anything back then, he was pretty sure he was projecting his emotions now onto the past.
But he does remember Akito’s passion as he talked about RAD WEEKEND. About how he’d gone on and on…
And how he’d grabbed Toya’s hands and pulled them up towards him.
Akito was a very physically affectionate person, and Toya remembered being stunned at how casually he had done that.
And that’s when he felt… something.
Something… thrilling.
He couldn’t put a word to that emotion back then, but he definitely could now.
Joy.
~
“Don’t you have any other outfits, Aoyagi?”
“Hm? What’s wrong with the one I have?”
“Nothing, it’s just… I feel like it might get boring if you always perform in that same outfit.”
Akito reached over and fiddled with the collar of the hoodie he was wearing, and Toya felt a bit of a thrill run through his skin.
Akito was charismatic. He could make you follow him to the ends of the earth if he wanted to.
So when he dragged Toya out to go shopping, Toya didn’t find the capacity to decline him.
He’d certainly built that tolerance up over the years, though. Akito had certain… qualities that Toya had learned to keep in check.
But after Akito had dragged him along and forced him to try on half the store, he felt something looking in the mirror at the new outfit that Akito was finally satisfied with.
It was a strange feeling, but the new clothes ended up making him feel… different.
A good kind of different.
Confidence.
~
Someone had insulted them, and Akito’s spark had gone away. He was upset, he was angry.
And Toya didn’t know what to do.
All he could do was push himself to practice twice as hard, hoping that he could inspire Akito to do the same.
He never really cared about surpassing RAD WEEKEND. He just had a selfish desire to sing with Akito.
But Akito’s spark had sprung something within him.
At that time, he couldn’t name it. But with hindsight, he knew.
Akito had sprung a desire to surpass RAD WEEKEND within him. He began to care after that day, even if he didn’t know it until years later.
And Akito did get back up. That’s what he admired about him. He would never let anyone keep him down.
Akito had later revealed that the expression on Toya’s face was what pushed him through it.
An expression of determination.
~
It was after a performance, and they had snuck into an empty stadium.
It had been a while now since they’d teamed up and made the BAD DOGS, and this was the first time they’d actually won a battle event.
And Akito thought they should celebrate.
Toya looked at the way Akito stretched out on the seat next to him, and he sighed.
Something had… changed, that day. It’s as if the distance between them had begun to close.
And the way Akito looked, drenched in moonlight that washed away all the imperfections on him… it was ethereal.
He could have been an angel.
Akito inched closer to him, almost like he was feeling an invisible pull.
And Akito’s hand moved to his shoulder.
There was the way Akito had grabbed his hand before, and then there was this.
He was breathing heavily, still riding the high of victory.
He was so close, Toya could smell something… sweet. He was never able to place it, but the smell was just so distinctly Akito.
“Aoya… no. Toya.”
Toya felt himself tense up slightly, and he felt his breath quicken a bit.
That was the first time Akito had called him by his name.
And the way he said it, the way his name rolled off the ginger’s tongue.
He wanted to hear it again.
“Shinonome, what are you…?”
“Please. Call me Akito.”
Akito’s other hand reached up to his face, and brushed a hair away.
And god, Akito was going to kill him if he kept doing this.
“…Alright, Akito.”
He wanted to replicate the way Akito had said his own name, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t figure out how to show that affection.
Akito didn’t say another word. He couldn’t figure out what to say.
He brushed his fingers across Toya’s face again before pulling away, and Toya missed it.
He wanted Akito to touch him again.
He wanted Akito to hold him like he was everything and to say his name like that until he got sick of hearing it.
But he didn’t think he could ever get sick of it.
He felt so many emotions swirling in his head.
An… attraction had surfaced.
Oh.
That’s what this was.
Love.
~
He’d accepted that he’d never be able to be anything more than friends with Akito after that day.
Ruining this new true friendship with his stupid feelings would be horrible.
Because never seeing Akito again would be the worst thing he’d ever felt.
Hell, it was the worst thing he’d ever felt, leaving the library and not seeing Akito waiting for him right outside with that damned smile.
That was around the time they’d started going to Weekend Garage together. Ken-san warmed up to him immediately, and his daughter…
His daughter had that same fiery passion that Akito did. The pair considered each other rivals.
The way they passed jabs, and the kind of electric tension between them.
Was this just a rivalry?
Toya felt a kind of bitterness rise up within him.
A kind of pain.
Ah, this was jealousy.
He didn’t say a word, though. An was just playing around, it’d be horrible to project his own feelings onto her.
And that’s when Akito said something.
“Yeah, well, my partner and I are going to do this thing together!”
…Holy fuck.
Akito had just called him partner.
He felt his lips curl up into a smile, and Akito looked back with surprise.
“Whoa, where have you been hiding that?” He asked. “You look good, smiling like that.”
He almost wished he could have done it more often after that, but to this day he struggled with showing his emotions.
But Akito had said he never forgot that smile.
And that’s what inspired him to keep calling him his partner, hoping that he’d see that smile again.
He still didn’t know what could compare to the sheer happiness he felt that day.
~
And then he remembered back to that day.
The day when he thought that his resolve was too weak and that he’d only hold Akito back if they kept singing together.
“If you’re kidding, I’m never going to forgive you!”
Akito’s voice was filled with all the pain that Toya felt.
But he kept speaking, pretending as if he wasn’t tearing his soul apart.
Akito reached out, asking if it was his father again.
Toya slapped his hand away. If Akito touched him right now, his resolve would break. And the ginger would never be able to achieve his dream if he kept holding him back like this.
He loved him. He loved him.
And that’s why he had to let him go. Akito was so attached, the two of them were practically joined at the hip.
He couldn’t let his emotions get the better of him.
His heart tightened as he kept speaking, and Akito’s rage appeared.
He looked terrifying.
Toya was sure that he would never have to see that face directed at him. Sure, they argued, but like this?
And here it was, that scary face.
It was the worst one he’d ever seen.
Akito hated him.
The next thing he knew, he felt an impact on his chin.
He’d known that Akito was strong. Akito got into fights at these events sometimes, and he almost always won. They underestimated him because of his age and assumed he was all bark and no bite, but he wasn’t.
And he got a firsthand display of that strength.
It hurt like hell. He knew it was going to bruise.
The kind of venom in Akito’s words, he’d never heard before.
“Never show your face in front of me again.”
But, that was what he wanted, right?
If Akito hated him, he’d forget about him and move on.
The next day, Tsukasa-senpai had invited him out to go to the arcade with him and his sister.
Right. Saki was going to return to school soon.
He felt a bit of pride at that. Their families had always joked that Saki and Toya were twins with how close in age they were, and apparently Saki was also due on the 25th of May. She wanted to make an entrance, they said.
Tsukasa-senpai had noticed the bruise and the lack of Akito nearby, and he seemed to be burning with a question.
He probably wanted to ask what the hell happened last night, but he couldn’t find the words.
“…Hey, Toya, if you want to talk about something, I’m right here.”
Toya simply gave him a nod. He didn’t want to think about Akito.
He pushed through the thoughts and gravitated towards the crane game. Maybe he should win Saki some plushies as a reward for returning to school.
He decided on it, and he found himself focusing on nothing but the crane game.
He shifted the crane around, making delicate maneuvers until he had caught something.
Saki’s eyes lit up as he pulled the plushie out of the exit, her bright smile returning.
He handed her the toy, and she clutched it tightly before wrapping him in a hug.
“Thank you, Toya! You and Tsukasa are the best brothers a gal could ask for!” She squealed.
Her squealing attracted attention, and suddenly a crowd was watching him.
The feeling reminded him of being on stage.
Of…
No, he can’t let his emotions get in the way right now. They’re expecting a show, he has to give it to them.
He turned his attention back to the crane machine, and he pulled his bag off him and opened it. He’d emptied it back at the Tenmas’ house in case he decided to play.
He bit his lip and started humming along to a song that was familiar, but he couldn’t place it right now.
He aimed for some of the easier plushies to warm up before going for some of the bigger ones.
A few tries, and all his targets were his. People began to mutter, and he knew the employees probably hated him right about now.
Now, the real fun begins.
The muttering of the crowd was all drowned out, and he felt the ghost of a hand on his shoulder.
“Block ‘em out. Focus on me.”
He found his target. A medium-sized puppy plushie.
A button is hit, and there it goes. It’s his.
The ghost of the hand wrapped around his body, but he found no satisfaction in the memory.
Because he knew the real thing would be right here if he hadn’t listened to his brain.
He went on autopilot, just pulling the toy out of the crane machine.
It was a bright orange, and…
Oh, the damn plushie reminded him of Akito. That’s why he couldn’t stop thinking about him.
No time to focus on that, he just threw it in his bag which was rapidly filling with new plushies.
After a few more minutes, he’d cleaned the machine out of everything that looked fun to catch, and he handed his bag and the giant plushie that wouldn’t fit in it to Saki.
She gave him another hug, and Toya finally focused on the crowd’s whispers.
“Y’know, he’s such a good brother.”
Was he?
Tsukasa-senpai appeared and crushed the both of them in a hug.
“Brilliant, Toya! And look how happy you’ve made Saki!”
He was right. Saki was smiling so hard that it looked like it hurt.
He felt… satisfaction in seeing Saki’s smile. It almost made him forget all the pain he was going through.
Almost.
That damned memory was still messing with him.
Saki gave him another cheerful hug, before she dug into the bag and found one of the plushies. The orange puppy.
“Here, Toya. You should keep this one. I know you liked it.”
He… liked it?
If anything, that plushie made him feel horrible.
And yet, he just… craved it.
After a few minutes, they’d left the arcade and returned to Saki and Tsukasa-senpai’s place, and Toya just sighed. They invited him inside, and Toya tried to decline, but they insisted.
Toya wasn’t in a mood to talk, he just paced up the stairs to the bedroom that he’d accidentally claimed as his own.
And that’s how Toya found himself in the Tenmas’ guest bed, just clutching that puppy plushie.
It was one of those plushies with a scent. It was… sweet. Strawberry scented.
Similar to Akito, but just a little off. He always smelled a little more… sugary?
He hummed that song again, and it finally hit him.
If possible, please don’t go too far away
If at all possible, please spare me the pain
And the song only made him feel worse.
He didn’t know what he was feeling as he clutched that plush and felt everything inside him turn upside down.
Akito.
Another second passed, and Toya felt a wetness on his cheeks.
Was he… crying?
He doesn’t remember the last time he’d cried.
But here he was, clutching this plush and shaking with silent sobs.
That’s another emotion that Akito had taught him. A parting gift.
Heartache.
~
Akito had come after him. He’d heard everything and he was here now.
His passion, his words…
And now, Toya knew. He did want to surpass RAD WEEKEND, but it had a stipulation.
He wanted to do it with Akito.
The Vivids were thrilled that they had teamed up again, ready to restart the rivalry that the two groups had.
Well, that was more An. Kohane clearly had the same stipulation Toya had. Partners for life, they’d decided.
Akito waved, clearly thrilled with himself for convincing Toya to return to the group, and he said they should leave.
“What, not gonna walk him home?” An had said, a soft laugh leaving her lips.
“Why would I do that? It’s not like we’re dating or anything.” Akito replied.
The Vivids and Ken shared a look.
“You’re not?”
“Eh? Of course not. I know Toya’s bi, but I’m straight as an arrow.”
And Toya felt something inside him just… snap.
“I’m going to fucking kill you.”
Kohane’s eyes widened and An went to the back and returned with a bag of popcorn.
And Akito just remained oblivious.
“What’d you say, partner?”
A kind of visceral rage just… took him over.
“I’m so sick and tired of your shit, Akito!”
He wrapped his hands around the collar of Akito’s hoodie, and he vaguely heard An behind him.
“Whoa, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Toya get this heated!”
Akito tried to speak, but Toya shoved him onto a table, keeping him pinned there with strength he didn’t know he had.
“Toya, what the hell are you talking abo-?”
“Okay, just shut the fuck up and listen to me. You’re not straight, and it seems like everyone knows it except you!”
Akito tried to speak again, but Toya cut him off before he could even get a word out.
“I’m not finished. Everyone thinks we’re dating, and we practically are! It’s just that you’re so deep in the closet, you’re in fucking Narnia!”
He felt himself getting closer to Akito, and that damned sweet smell that always came off him was strong today.
He could barely breathe at this point, and Akito stayed silent as he finally finished his point.
“And I swear to every god I know, Akito. If you don’t give me a straight answer right now about whether or not you want to date me, I’m going to fucking strangle you! It’s been two fucking years of mixed signals! I can’t do this anymore!”
Akito just looked stunned.
“I’ve never seen you like this before.”
“Well, you bring things out in me. We both know that.”
And Toya honestly didn’t remember much after that. He just knew Akito began to tease him a bit before coming out of the closet in a spectacular fashion.
He tasted exactly like Toya had expected. Vaguely sweet, he couldn’t place exactly what it was, but it was delicious.
Ready Steady had appeared moments after that, and pure adrenaline carried him through the song before he passed out.
He woke up after a few hours at Weekend Garage, not knowing what had happened until An had explained it to him.
He’d felt so embarrassed. He had no idea what had come over him.
Hell, he still didn’t. All he knew is that he couldn’t take it anymore and he needed a straight answer. If Akito had said no, he could have moved on.
But Akito didn’t say no.
And Toya almost laughed from how relieved he felt.
And then he’d picked up his phone and called his partner.
Akito just wouldn’t stop teaching him new emotions.
~
A knock on the door had thrown him out of his thoughts.
“Yes?” He asked, turning around.
The door opened slightly, and his mother appeared.
“You should be asleep.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t.”
His mother sighed.
“You know, your father just wants what’s best for you. That boy is using you. He doesn’t really love you. None of them do.”
“He does. All of them do. I just wish you would see that.”
His mother shook her head before turning around and closing the door behind her.
“Go to sleep, dear.” She called back, and she walked away.
Toya sighed.
Akito acted so differently with new people than he did with him.
But Akito… he would never leave him behind. None of them would ever leave him behind.
He thought back to that camping trip that the four of them had gone on, and to that tree.
His hands shook at the thought of it. That was terrifying.
The branch had just snapped under him as he tried to climb down that tree.
The impact had left him seeing stars, and his leg was killing him. He had dislocated it.
And they didn’t leave him for a second. Akito had scooped him up and carried him back to the campsite, fretting all the way.
Kohane had used her phone, which finally had service again, to Google how to pop a dislocated joint back in, and An had done the actual deed.
Meanwhile, Akito had just wrapped himself around Toya, his arm securely wrapped around his waist to support him and his other hand threaded with Toya’s.
Dear god, that pain was horrible. He still remembered how hard he screamed out “Oh, son of a bitch!”
Ken had called An moments after she had snapped the leg back in. He’d had a bad feeling. Always so attuned to the four of them.
After a quick promise that they’d take Toya to the hospital the moment they got back to the city, he got off the phone. The next day, he had bags under his eyes. He hadn’t slept at all.
He felt guilty for worrying Ken, but he was so happy once he had left the hospital with no permanent injuries and he simply needed to stay off it for a few weeks. Tsukasa-senpai had volunteered to carry his bag around the moment he heard, and Saki had shown him a couple of tricks she’d learned about getting around with weak legs. Rui-senpai apparently had tried to make a robot to help him get around, but Tsukasa-senpai had reined him in. Akito constantly offered to just carry Toya around, but he didn’t want to drag him around everywhere.
They all tried their best to help him out while he was injured. They could have easily walked away from him, they could have left him there to suffer, but they helped him every step of the way.
He could pinpoint moments where they all showed how much they cared about him.
He felt his eyes get heavy, and his body started to droop. He couldn’t stay awake much longer.
And Toya found himself curling up in bed feeling horrible.
Would he ever have another moment like that again? A moment where he felt how loved he was?
He hoped he did, but he didn’t see how he possibly could.
He just reached under his bed and pulled out that same orange puppy.
The smell had started to fade, but Toya clutched it anyway. He wanted to take in every bit of that scent.
He wanted to drift away into his dreams, where he’d see all those people he so dearly loved again.
And he quickly did. A dream of performances and congratulations.
A dream of love.