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Asahi doesn't have a tattoo, even though he is already in high school and it worries him more than anything else. Yet he keeps on smiling, tells people who ask about it, feeling sorry for him, that he is simple glad to be alive.
It's the only explanation he has, honestly.
You weren't born with your tattoo. If you were the older one, the tattoo wouldn't appear unless your soulmate was born and stopped crying, but if you were the younger one, it wouldn't appear on the newborn's skin until the last cry stopped echoing trough the room. It can be frustrating when there is a case of a five year difference but thankfully cases in which the gap is bigger than ten years rarely happen.
And now that he is eighteen there is still no mark.
Asahi wonders if one of his moles could be the tattoo, at least a lot of people reassure him that it has to be; he wonders if he really is one of these unfortunate people.
(But it doesn't explain the ache he sometimes feels, as if there is a hole which can't be filled, the place next to him empty and no one suitable for it. He tries to live with this possibility that the place can't be filled and wonders if this makes him less of a person, whether he always stays incomplete.)
He tries to keep from thinking about this, busies himself with school and volleyball and worries about everything else so that he doesn't need to be anxious about his missing half.
Currently, on the top of his long list of concerns, is a certain libero of his team who he might have fallen in love with. But a little crush isn't the end of the world, though it might be a bit more than a little crush. He is head over heel for him, as Suga once said, which isn't such a bad thing, “after all your big heart has to be filled with an equally big love.”
Asahi doesn't know if he should confess though, despite of Daichi and Suga telling him to go for it. Not that he doesn't trust their opinion, it's really not like that, but still, he wishes that he could just do what they advice him to. After all they take care of him often enough, even though Suga doesn't know his soulmate as well (though he does have one, someone who shares the chrysanthemum with him) and Daichi knows but rarely mentions him.
Telling him that he has great chances with their libero happens almost every day and maybe they are right.
Tanaka and Nishinoya are so close and if he didn't know that they are just best friends, then he'd be worried about having no chance with Noya; he doesn't doubt fate when it chose them as soulmates even though he has every right to.
When he sees the oak tree on their chest, covering the right side and also the heart, he can't think about anything else but how fitting it his, after all both have their heart in the right place and while Nishinoya is their deity who has their backs, Tanaka is the one who encourages them, always fired up so that there is no space to mope.
He is glad that he doesn't need to worry about the team after their graduation; they are in good hands, even if these two cause quite a trouble.
*
“Can you imagine that, in the past, when someone got an animal tattoo this person would have no idea what kind it is because they've never seen it? Or any language they don't speak?”
Nishinoya turns to Asahi, the both of them sitting in the younger one's room and studying for their own exams each, though Azumane's were more important, after all it is his last year of high school and with the spring tournament around the corner and still being on the team, he isn't allowed to slack off; maybe studying with Noya then wasn't such a smart move.
“Your mark can't be letters. Languages are made up by humans that's why you can't have an inanimate object like a crown”, Asahi reminds him with a shy smile, taking notes while reading the book, not that he gets done much as his gaze always drifts back to Noya who keeps on delaying his work and just talks.
“But could you imagine getting a mark with something you have no idea of? It has to be more interesting finding out about this than the person your destiny lies with.”
No, he couldn't, how should he know the feeling when he doesn't even have a mark in the first place, but this sounds exactly like Noya, so Asahi smiles while he keeps on rambling about someone who never saw a butterfly or people who thought they had a peony even though it's a chrysanthemum.
“I'm glad that this doesn't matter with us, Tanaka is my soulmate after all”, he ends his talk, fist tapping against his chest where the whole oak tree in black is covering the right side, steady and standing for life. It's easy to associate Noya with this, the ace always thinks, and sometimes feels bad before he realises that it is Tanaka as well who never fails to realise his mistake who gets up and despite of their shenanigans, they are one of the most dependable people he knows.
With them, he feels really confident, feels like they can do it, wining against Seijou the next time and advance to play the battle of the trash heap.
“Let's win and make it to the nationals.”
Nishinoya is taken aback by this sudden remark, unrelated to their soulmate talk, the confidence he shows, but then he grins and Asahi is sure that he is going to die because this is perfect – Noya is perfect – and how can he survive looking at him like this all the time?
“Yeah, let's do this.”
*
They win against Seijou but the victory against Shiratorizawa is something they can't accomplish, even though they manage to win two sets. Asahi thought he would feel like crying, instead he just feels empty, but when he looks at the rest of his team, their determined faces, he can see that this match wasn't in vain. They won't make it to the Nationals but they managed to leave an impression and they paved the way for the next Karasuno.
It was his last high school match but it won't be his last time playing volleyball on a stage.
(He cries later on, when he is alone in his bed during the night, silent tears running down his face and the empty feeling stronger than ever.)
~
“Noya? Do you want to come over?”
It's the weekend after their loss and Asahi takes up all the courage he has, making the decision that he doesn't want to miss Noya in the future, intends to invite him so that he is a part of it. Now that he won't attend practise any more, he is sure that he can't wait until the day of their graduation to confess, thoughts of Noya keeping him distracted from his school work.
He has one chance and he wants to do this right.
“Sure. Your parents won't mind if I stay the night?”
“Of course they won't.”
They never do, are always happy when their shy boy brings his friends over, love to see him being happy around them. They are glad to see Noya, especially his mother who makes sure to cook enough for them, prepares drinks as well as snacks and while Asahi is a bit embarrassed (“No, mum, we're fine, don't worry, yes you don't need to bring more sweets”) Nishinoya just laughs, thanks her for the effort and Asahi is again reminded why he likes him so much.
They are getting comfortable on his bed and watch a film when it's getting late, some action stuff Nishinoya wanted to watch with him for a while now, and since everything is better than horror, Asahi find himself relaxing.
At least to some degree.
But halfway trough the film he is getting aware of how close they are, Nishinoya who sits cross-legged almost leaning against him, his knee occasionally bumping against Asahi's thigh because he pulled up his legs and wrapped his arms around his knees. He can see the excitement on his friend's face which he ends up watching instead of the film, how his eyes are shining or how a smile tugs at the corner of his lips, his mouth opening when a twist point comes up and he stars in awe – he could confess right here and now.
The older one actually wants to, the words already on the tip of his tongue, but even though he is starring, he can't dodge the hand which suddenly lands in his face when something explodes on screen and catches Nishinoya off-guard, causing him to flail with his arms; Asahi winces, covering his face with his hands and Nishinoya stops in shock, before he turns to the brunet.
“I'm sorry, are you okay?”
He got hit by a ball harder once, Asahi wants to say, but when Nishinoya reaches out to take his hands in his own to see the damage, the words get stuck in his throat.
“Okay, nothing seems to bleed. Does it hurt?”
“I'm fine”, he croaks and even though Nishinoya isn't sure if he should believe him, he doesn't comment on it, turns back to the laptop just to see the start of the credits.
“Looks like we missed the end. But whatever, I'll just leave the disc here, you can watch it another time.”
“Y-yeah, thanks.”
Asahi feels a bit guilty because he can't remember a single thing of the story, but this feeling is overshadowed by the warmth he feels in his chest when Nishinoya starts talking about the film, rambling about his favourite parts and maybe it's just the fact that he hasn't let go of his hands which makes him happier.
(Just to hear him talking, he waits a bit before attempting to confess again.)
~
“Noya?”, Asahi asks carefully in the dark of his room, looking at the ceiling instead of the younger one who sleeps on a futon next to his bed.
“Yeah?”
He breathes a sigh of relief when he hears him rustling, is glad that he was right about the younger one being still wide awake and just waiting for him to talk so that he has a reason not to sleep right away.
“You once said that you wouldn't mind dating Tanaka if you weren't such good bros.”
It feels weird using this word and Noya seems to think the same and he might have laughed if he hadn't been curious what he is hinting at.
“Hm? Yeah. I love girls but dating some guys would be fine too”, he admits, wonders when he said this the first time and remembers a study session with Suga who might have asked him something similar like that, wonders whether he had told Asahi or not, but his thoughts are interrupted by a sudden question.
“And what about me?”
Asahi expects him to laugh about it, asking him where this sudden idea comes from, but instead of being amused, Nishinoya hesitates, looks to the side and chews his lips.
“Did Ryuu talk to you?”, he eventually wants to know, is still not able to look at him; Asahi is surprised by this question – did he miss something?
“No, I just –”
“Because this wouldn't be funny, you know? I can deal with losing against Shiratori because I know I have a next chance even if Ushiwaka isn't part of this team any more, I mean I managed to receive his serves but never playing with you again is hard and I don't know I think I can deal with your graduation after a few months but if you want to play with my feelings I don't know if I can bear it.”
Asahi's head is fuming when he tries to keep up with his words but fails, has only a vague guess what he means and so he finally turns around and despite of the dark, looks at him, tries to make out his features.
“Noya, I love you. This is all I wanted to say.”
It's easier said than he thought, and now that the words are out, he feels relieved.
Nishinoya blinks, slowly registering his confession, before he buries his head in his hands and even though he can't see the tip of his ears redden, the reality of the situation hits Asahi and he can't fight the sudden embarrassment.
“Uhm, I-Imean, you don't have to say a-anything or worry that I m-molest you in your sleep now, I just, just though that”, Asahi trips over his own words when he shots up, hand gesturing even though he knows that Noya won't be able to see this, but otherwise he would clench them to fists and so he feels at least a bit better.
Not that this situation is as ideal as he imagined it to be – maybe he should have waited after all? Or did he wait to long and now Noya found someone else? What if he is dating someone and kept this as a secret from them?
“I wanted to confess during your graduation, it would have been really cool”, Noya sheepishly says, his voice quieter than Asahi is used to but it's still loud enough for the two of them to hear in this room and it causes the ace to pause his thoughts.
“I'm sorry.”
The apology comes out like a reflex so that Asahi doesn't even has a second to realise that his feelings were mutual. When he does realise it, he feels not just relief flooding him but also like a heavy weight has been lifted from his heart; he feel also a bit tired, like an exhausting after he accomplished something worthwhile and needs a few hours to rest.
“Ah, no, it's not like that. I'm actually really glad”, Nishinoya says, hesitating for a moment before he adds, “does this mean I can sleep next to you?”
“Ah, sure”, the ace mumbles, a bit embarrassed, but so is Noya when he gets up and climbs on his bed.
“Hey”, Noya breathes out, the smile now visible for Asahi.
“Hey”, he responses, lying face to face and there is a sudden feeling Asahi can't describe but he feels at ease and not just less lonely but the weight he often feels when he goes to sleep is gone, especially when Noya reaches out for his hands and intertwines their fingers with a grin.
He wonders what this is supposed to mean.
*
(“After you're graduating and chose a university outside Miyagi, we're going to skype as often as possible, right?”
“Yes.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”)
*
“Did you know about Saeko's new tattoo studio in Tokyo?”
Asahi lifts his head, was actually intending to sleep, after all university isn't as easy as he hoped it would be, especially when he is still playing volleyball and now that Noya is visiting him, he is sure that he can catch a few hours without being restless in his sleep.
“No. Since when? I thought she's working on a Wadaiko drumming team.”
He rolls on his back when he feels the mattress dip, opens his arms so that he can embrace Noya who is mindful and doesn't just crash down on him. The younger one nuzzles his cheek, snatching a short kiss before he rolls them on the side.
“Nah, she had been until a year before she meet her soulmate. Anyway, we are going there.”
“Why?”
He shows his wrist, a little anchor depicted on it, black ink standing out on his skin; Asahi's eyes widen for a second (he isn't like his former friends whose parents engraved the bad image of a tattooist in their mind, still, getting a tattoo is more daring than some other things.).
“Ryuu got one on his ankle. If you would get one we would be bonded as well. It means support and stability”, he adds, doesn't seem to mind that the other one looks a bit shocked.
Asahi can't seem to find the right words, reaches out so that his hand is catching Noya's wrist, thumb brushing over the anchor before he croaks a “why?”, looking him straight in the eyes.
“I know that you worry about your missing soulmate, even if you play it down”, he grins and it's like the sun which brings Asahi close to tears.
“I love you.”
“That's with the sudden confession”, Noya laughs, tries to act carefree but he blushes, baffled by the sudden proclamation; it causes the other one to smile as bright as the other one normally does.
“Well, I love you too, you know, so don't worry.”
“Never did.”
That's right. Asahi doubts his skills more often than not, but there is no way that he'd ever doubt his love for him. With these thoughts in mind, he moves so that Noya can sit in his lap, arms wrapped around his neck, feeling his hands on his hips before he is kissing him.
And Asahi realises that it doesn't matter for him to have no soulmate, that he might never experience things other's do because he is not half a person without it, that his life rotates around another person, not just Noya who he loves so much but also Tanaka, his friends Daichi as well as Suga and he is sure that they might not be his soulmates, but he is fine.
Yes, everything is okay like it is.
Because there is no use to think about what-if scenarios – after all he is a complete person on his own.