Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Amy traces her fingers across the seam of her wedding dress. She stands in front of the mirror in her hotel room, with her heart thumping inside her chest, and her mother standing behind her with the biggest smile on her face. 

“You look absolutely breathtaking.” Her mother comes up behind her, gripping her shoulders with enthusiasm. 

Amy only smiles shyly and ducks her head down. “Thanks, mom. Really.” 

In true Molly and Amy fashion, the two of them waltz in and head straight to Miss. Fine’s desk. Hope peaks over her book just enough to catch Amy as she leans her body against Molly and listens contentedly to whatever it is the Davidson girl has to say. 

Hope couldn’t get that night out of her head. It was almost a flash. Nick’s aunt’s house, bathroom, insults, kissing- not so much of that- more insults.

A familiar voice sneaks its way beside her. “You going to apologize to her today?” Annabelle asks resting her hands on the desk beside Hope. 

“What do I have to apologize for? She’s the one who blew chunks all over me.” There’s an edge to Hope’s voice. 

Annabelle sighs and rolls her eyes. “Come on idiot you know she wouldn’t have done that on purpose if she had the chance. Even after all of that she still was being the Amy we know. She was saying sorry. Even when most people would've been too embarrassed and just ran out of the bathroom.”

“I know but-” 

Annabelle cuts her off. “Talk to her after class. You’ll regret it if you don’t.” 

The bell rings, and Molly and Amy part ways with Miss. Fine and hastily find their seats. Before Amy sits down she meets Hope's eyes briefly. There’s the usual innocence in them but Hope sees a glimpse of longing just as the redhead turns her gaze towards the front of the room. 

It takes everything in Hope to train her eyes away from Amy, it used to be easier. That was before they had almost hooked up at a party on Nick’s aunt's bathroom floor. 

Soon enough chairs squeak against the linoleum floor and shoes hit the ground eager to get to the next class. A pit has made itself known inside Hope’s stomach. Amy’s almost gone when she pushes herself to try. To actually try for once. Something she wasn’t used to. For a girl, she’s been crushing on for far longer than she would admit without a blush creeping up her face. 

Her tap isn’t hard but enough to get the girl's attention. She spins around and turns bright red. “Hope- uh -hi!” She stutters. 

Hope finds this adorable. “Hey, can we- y’know talk about the party.” 

“Sure coolio.” Amy groans well aware of her choice of words. 

Hope just giggles and watches out the door until the last person is out of the classroom. Still too afraid to completely be vulnerable she leans back against the wall creating a fair amount of space between the two of them.

“I’m sorry for missing your.” Amy gestures hoping that Hope will get the picture enough that she doesn’t have to vocalize it. “And for throwing up all over you. That wasn’t very cool.” 

“Yeah maybe, but besides that, you seemed like you knew what you were doing.” 

Amy shakes her head. “Oh god no I didn’t” 

“Well, it sure felt like it.” A genuine smile rests on Hope’s face. She lets a moment pass before she says. “Well, I wanted to say sorry for being such a bitch and not just at the party for everything else. And if your wife doesn’t take it too personally, I was wondering maybe you would want to get lunch with me sometime?”

 Amy’s eyes are soft and a cute grin spreads across her face. “Like a date?” 

“If you want it to be.” Hope smirks as she watches Amy’s head dip down to hide the blush overtaking the shorter girl's face. 

“Yeah- I mean sure that sounds cool.” 

“You’re cute Antsler,” Hope says, letting the newfound confidence she has found within her decide her next actions. She slowly and cautiously brings her hand down to rest underneath Amy’s chin. She waits a moment to make sure what she was doing was okay before she guides her hand up so that Amy was forced to make eye contact with her. 

“Walk me to class?” Amy asks her voice was small and timid. Hope would be lying if she said that the effect she had on the Anstler girl didn’t make her insides stir. 

“Hmm, actually I don’t know about that.” Hope starts, and a confused look shows itself on Amy’s face. “I don’t know if your wife would be okay with that.”

Amy scoffs, playfully and shoves Hope’s shoulder a little. “Oh shut up.” 

Hope’s hands are shaking, this is it, she’s marrying the girl of her dreams. Years have passed, and Hope has always had this tiny thought cramped in the back of her head that this feeling, of something pure and almost electric she got when she was with Amy, was going to fade away, at some point anyway that was. 

But thank god it didn’t. 

It almost seemed with every passing week, month, and year that feeling was growing. The feeling of Love. 

“You look like you just saw a ghost dude.” Hope’s brother Jackson says as he’s setting the utensils down, at one of the many tables at their venue. 

Hope ignores his comment and returns to her racing thoughts. People, the wedding party, for the most part, move around her swiftly. Because the guests weren’t set to arrive for another forty-five minutes. 

“Relax you're going to scare the guests when they get here.” Another voice chimes in, Hope knows it's just her older sister Sam. 

“Can’t everyone just let me suffer alone? It’s hard enough already.” Hope mumbles, which only earns a chuckle from Jackson and a sigh from Sam. 

“Unfortunately not, we can’t have the bride losing her mind only hours before her wedding.” Sam makes her way closer to Hope. “This is your day, we just want to be here for you. All of us. You deserve for this day to go as planned.” 

Hope finally wills herself to look around the venue. It’s more than she had ever imagined it being. At one point in her life, she never thought getting married would ever be the picture for herself. But somewhere along the way, it was decided that it was, and it could have not felt any more right. There were at least one-hundred and fifty seats set up and even more coming. The tables were set up, for the most part, her two brothers Jackson and Will were just placing the utensils and decorations on them. Sam and Maddy her other sister were directing the wedding crew to their appropriate places. 

Hope leans in her voice almost a whisper. “It’s perfect.” 

Sam smiles. “I know. You're just lucky your the first one getting married because you know they’re only going this big once for one of us. And I guess that one of us is you.” 

“Should’ve called dibs or something and got yourself a man first, then.” Hope jokes, bracing herself for Sam’s remark back. 

“You're lucky it's your wedding day or else-” Sam goes quiet when their father John wraps his arms around the two girls. 

“What was that, Sam?” He asks, tightening his grip on his two daughters. 

Sam stays quiet. 

“Yeah what were going to say?” Hope pushes. 

“Nothing, nothing important.” She mutters. 

Hope looks over at her sister and a small mysterious grin plays on her face. She sees Sam’s jaw tighten as if she was holding back something.

“Well, that’s good,” John says. He turns towards Hope. “My little girl’s getting married today. How’s she feeling right now?”

“Scared shitless.” She admits truthfully. “How did you feel when you and mom got married.” 

He snickers and squeezes her shoulder lightly. “Don’t worry I felt exactly the same way you are right now. Besides if you don’t feel this way on the day of your wedding, are you really in love?”

“No. No, you’re not.” Hope decides. 

Hope sat in her junker of a car, an old Jeep her father had bought at an auction and gifted to her on her sixteen birthday, waiting for a certain redhead to walk out of the front doors of Crockett. Her left leg bounces as it always did when she’s anxious. Even though this was their eighteen date, yes she’s been counting, she’s still as giddy as their first.

A cigarette hangs out of her mouth, it was kind of a coping mechanism for her when she gets all jittery like this. Two figures push the doors open and Hope smiles to herself as she sees Amy wave at her. She quickly waves back and gets out of the car. 

“How was your nerd thing?” She asks the two girls as they approach her. 

Amy giggles while Molly scoffs, thankfully not malicious as it once was, at least not as passive as it used to be.  

“It wasn’t a nerd thing, Hope. It was a meeting for our Model UN team.” Molly clarifies. 

“So in simpler terms a nerd thing.” 

Amy shuts the argument down before it can begin. Molly mumbles something under her breath. “Hey, you ready?” 

“Yeah,” Hope says, leaning down slightly to capture Amy’s lips for a quick peck. 

“I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to that,” Molly comments after they part. 

“Well just don’t look then.” She offers. “Don’t worry I won’t have your wife for that long tonight. I’ll have her back before your weekly study sesh starts.” 

“You better,” Molly warns, she gives Amy a quick hug before she makes her way towards a car parked across the lot. 

“Who’s giving her a ride?” Hope asks as they get in her car. 

“I guess at that party way back in August she and Annabelle got close or something like that.” Amy starts. “She hangs out with her when I’m not around.”

“You mean when you’re with me?” Hope looks over at her girlfriend in the passager seat. Amy nods in agreement. “I totally forgot that happened.” 

“It’s good for both of them, I mean. Anyways enough about them. I thought I told you to not smoke when you pick me up?”

Hope shifts the gearshift into drive and starts towards the busy streets of LA. “I know but I just kinda needed one today.” 

“Why so?” 

“I was just nervous.” She doesn’t expand more, even though Amy was going to get it out of her one way or another. 

“What about?”

“I don’t know, I just wasn’t planning it to happen today.” She keeps it vague, knowing Amy wanted more. Amy only gives her that look Hope knows that was her saying that she wasn’t going to let this go. “All my family is going to be home today. Not just Maddy and Will.”

“Oh, that’s exciting.” 

Hope raises an eyebrow. “You’re not nervous to meet my whole family. I know just my brother and sister can be a lot but all of them. It's usually a madhouse when we're all home.” 

“Okay well if you put it that way then maybe yes,” Amy says but before Hope can reply she speaks again. “But no it’s going to be great to finally meet them. Are you happy they're back from college?” 

“I guess. They're my family so I just kind of have to put up with them.” 

“Well, I’m happy I get to meet them.”

“Okay well brace yourself. We're having spaghetti tonight.” 

“Spaghetti night and your family reunited it’s going to be a blast,” Amy says, a little more overjoyed than Hope had expected. 

“Let’s just hope we can get there before all the spaghetti’s gone.” 

Amy laughs and Hope takes her right hand, the one not on the wheel, and reaches it over to lace it with her girlfriends. 

Mollys' pacing more than Amy. Amy always kind of knew that she wasn’t going to be the one one the balls of her heels during her wedding. She’s prepared for this. 

“Molls,” She begins. “It’s going to be fine. You’ve already checked the venue three times and you’ve reported back that everything has been going smoothly.” 

“I know.” Molly sighs. “But this needs to be perfect. It’s your fucking wedding day. You're getting married, Ames.” 

 “Hey bitches.” Gigi sings, coming out of seemingly nowhere. 

“What the fuck Gigi!” Amy yells, clutching her chest with a hand. 

“I just wanted to say I’m honored to be one of your bridesmaids,” Gigi says happily, pulling Amy into an almost suffocating hug. 

Amy and Molly lock eyes for a moment. Molly nods her head as a sign for Amy to break the news. 

“Gigi I’m sorry but I don’t think you’re one of my bridesmaids.” 

Abruptly she pulls away. “What? I know I am.” She gestures towards her dress. Miraculously she’s wearing one of the bridesmaids' dresses that Hope and Amy had picked out months prior. 

“How the hel-” Molly cuts herself off. “Amy what should we do?” 

Amy’s list of things that could go wrong was filled to the brim but not in a million years did she think this would happen. But then again this was Gigi they were dealing with. 

“What you guys should do is continue whatever weird pacing session you guys are having while I get the other bridesmaids ready for the wedding,” Gigi says for the two of them. 

Amy sees Molly begin to unravel. “Hey just let her do her own thing, Okay?” She tries to reassure her best friend. “Besides it wouldn’t be my wedding without her. We both kinda knew this could be a possibility so let's just let it happen.” 

Molly’s face changes from anger to understanding in a matter of seconds, because she realizes that Amy’s right. This wouldn’t be Amy’s wedding without Gigi. 

When the girls turn back to Gigi they aren’t surprised that she is already gone. A knock at the door and Amy’s lanky dad Doug walks in. 

“Amy,” he pauses to scoop up his daughter into a fatherly hug. “You look beautiful.” He whispers into her hair. 

“Thanks, dad. How’s it coming out there?” 

“Great, perfect I would say. Your mother is running around like a madwoman to get everything ready before everyone arrives.” 

“Your growing up on me, Ames.” He pauses a second to pull away slightly to look Amy in her eyes. “You’ve become everything you and your mom knew you were going to be: beautiful, independent, hardworking, self-depend-”

“Thanks, dad. I’m glad you and mom were chosen to be my parents. You guys have been everything in the world I want to be like.” Her dad’s goofy smile is so big Amy swears her heart grows a feel sizes under his gaze. 

“Hope is everything I imagined you finding in your partner. You guys remind me so much of me and your mom back in the day.” His words were laced with the utmost sincerity. “My baby girl I love you to the moon and back.” 

“I love you a trip on a rocketship around every planet and back.” Amy gets in. “Go and find mom and make sure she’s not overdoing it, okay?” 

“Alright sweetheart.” He leans down and plants a kiss atop Amy’s head.  

Once he disappears out of the room Molly makes her presence known again. Amy had almost forgotten she was in there, too caught up in her moment with her father. 

“Oh, Doug’s such a softie.”

“God Molls, you literally made me think you left. And then boom.” Amy laughs. “God Molly it's really happening in what-” She looks around for her phone to check the time. 

“Two and a half hours,” Molly says, almost immediately. 

“You’ve been absolutely wonderful. Planning all this, with all the other family members. Hope’s family is a crazy bunch but-” 

“We love them.” Molly finishes. 

“And you already know my parents and grandparents.” 

“Yeah but that’s what makes it great. Literally, everyone from both of your families is making this happen.” 

“Remember when Hope and I first started dating. You guys couldn’t even be in the room for more than a few seconds without snapping at each other,” Amy reminisces. “Who knew you would be working side by side with her years later on wedding plans.” 

“Could you imagine our high school selfs getting along with each other?” 

“God no,” Amy adds. “Oh, how times have changed.” 

Hope’s hand is laced between Amy’s as they walk up her driveway. As Hope takes the lead and pushes the front door open, it is clear that her whole family is here. Chatter and loud voices echoed through the foyer. Before they know it, an unfamiliar face, which Amy assumes to be Sam, meets them in the kitchen. 

“You must be Amy,” She greets her with a wide smile. Her hair is dirty blonde and she is probably a good few inches shorter than Hope. “It’s good to finally meet you. Hope’s been talking my ear about you every time we call.” 

Hope blushes and shoots her sister a dirty look. “Oh is that really now?” Amy asks, a sly grin shows itself on her face. 

“Oh yeah-”

“Amy, it's great to see you.” Hope’s mother Heather says, quickly setting the wooden spoon she had in her hand on the countertop. She’s over to the three girls and leaning into an embrace only moments after. 

“It's great to see you too. I heard it’s spaghetti night.” Amy returns the hug happily.

“Yeah, we tend to always have it when my two oldest are home. It’s their favorite.” 

Yet another voice speaks. “Hi, weirdo, who’s the girl. Amy, I’m guessing.” 

Amy looks over, politely pulling away from the embrace with Heather. 

“Can you just let up on the mean names for one second?” Hope sighs, leaning into Amy and easily wrapping a hand around her shoulder. “And yes Jackson this is Amy.” 

“The famous Amy.” He smiles, he’s got Hope’s eyes and brown hair. Her height too, he’s probably 6’2 at least. “It’s cool to finally put a face to that name.”  

“It's great to meet you both.” Amys' always believed Hope’s family to be wholesome and welcoming so meeting the entire family and her thoughts being proven right makes her fall a little more in love with Hope. 

“Dinners ready!” Hope’s father calls from the stove. 

They sit around the dinner table. Hope’s got a hand resting on Amy’s thigh. They enjoy light conversation and funny family stories. By the time it's time for ice cream Amy’s sure she can pick bits and pieces out of both Sam and Jackson that Hope has in her. 

“How was it?” Hope asks when Amy’s fully sat in the passenger side seat. 

Amy grins, “it was great. I don’t know why you were so worked up about it.” 

“I don’t know.” Hope answers, rubbing the back of her neck with the pad of her thumb. “I just really wanted it to go well. You know it's my family and.” She pauses.“You.” She trails off as she pulls out of the driveway. “I really like you so it just meant a lot to me tonight.” 

Amy relished in this side of Hope, the side of Hope that made her fall further in love with her. “I really like you too. I’m glad your family’s so welcoming.” 

“They really like you, you know?” 

“Really how do you know that?” 

“I guess it has something to do with me quote on quote being a better person or something since we started dating.” It’s said nonchalantly.

“Oh, so I’m rubbing off on you?” Amy teases. 

“I guess you are Anstler.” 

They drive in comfortable silence, Amy likes swiping through Hope’s music, and Hope likes to steal as many glances as she can over at her girlfriend on these types of drives.  

The car slows and parks in Amy’s driveway. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” Hope questions her. 

“Yeah my parents won’t be home they’re going to some date night movie thing,” Amy replies with a shy smile on her face. “Molly’s got some class president meeting that’s running late, so it’ll just be us.” 

“That’s…..nice.” Hope starts. “I’ll definitely use that time to our advantage.” 

Amy’s blush now covers her whole face. Instead of responding and risking her words coming out like a bunch of incoherent sounds she settles to lean in and press a kiss to Hope’s lips. 

Hope leans over the console to reach her hands up to cup Amy’s cheeks. Amy’s hands slip down Hope’s torso to rest on her hips. Right as Hope attempts to slip her tongue past Amy’s teeth a loud bang on Hope’s window causes them to jump away from each other. 

There stood Molly, with a look of annoyment on her face. Her words come through the car muffled. “Stop sucking face, Amy, and get your books out.” 

Amy in her state of embarrassment opens the car door and swings her backpack over her right shoulder. Before she fully moves away from the car though she leans in so only Hope can hear her. 

“Will finish this tomorrow.” 

Hope’s the one now blushing. Molly sends daggers her way, which was a signal to wrap it up. She nods and pulls Amy into the car one last time briefly to steal one last kiss.

Chapter Text

People begin to file in and that’s when it really hits Hope that this was happening. She makes her rounds, greeting aunts, uncles, grandparents, and just about everyone in her family. It’s probably a no-brainer that since Hope has four siblings that her extended family would be no lack in the numbers department. It’s in the midst of all the mayhem that is the hugging and quick small talk with her family, that Hope realizes how lucky she truly is to have such a supportive family. Way back before she met Amy, she had been fighting with a long list of intrusive thoughts in her head. What it would be like if her family wouldn’t be accepting of who she decided she loved.  

But as it turns out all of her family welcomed her with open arms. 

It didn’t hurt that they all loved Amy, that’s for sure. 

“Oh my little Hope, I’m so proud of you.” Hope’s Grandma Susan says, with nothing but truth in her words as she spoke. “The moment you came into my room and told me everything. How you met a girl. A girl that I believe helped you become the woman you are today, keep in mind, I just knew what a wonderful woman you would become.” 

Hope reaches down to pull her grandmother into a tight hug. A few sniffles from Hope cause Susan to pull back and cup her granddaughter's face. “Sweetheart don’t cry.” She brushes a thumb over a tear that had managed to slip down Hope’s face. 

Hope shakes her head happily. “I’m just so happy right now.” 

“Oh don’t make me cry on my grandbabies wedding day. At least this soon.” She jokes, still cupping her face. 

Hope’s grandfather Randy buds in, patting Hope’s shoulder. “I bet you got a lot of people to get a talking in with.” 

“Hey pops,” once her grandma had retracted her hands to her sides, she leaned over to better look at the both of them. “Yeah, I’m still not one hundred percent sure why we decided to invite all these people.” 

“You're just telling me this now?” Annabelle jokes as she swiftly joins the conversation. “Imagine being one of this girls’ bridesmaids. I can’t remember any of your family's names for the life of me. Why does a girl need such a big family anyway?”

“I didn’t choose to have a big family.” 

Something catches Hope’s grandparents' attention. “Jackson, Maddy!” Susan smiles widely as she begins to walk toward them. Her grandfather gives her a goofy smile as he follows his wife to their other grandchildren. 

“Fuck Hope why is your so family so big?” Annabelle sighs. “Couldn’t even try to make it a little bit easy on me, did you?”    

“That’s what you get when you sign up to become one of my friend's dude. So what can I say?” 

“Whatever.” She scoffs. “Anyways I checked on Molly and her wife a few minutes ago and I’m just going to let you know ahead of time, you're going to have to find a way to get through the ceremony without staring at her like you want to get on your knees right there in then.” Annabelle makes sure to lean in and whisper the last part of her sentence.

Hope, choosing to ignore Annabelle’s very iffy comment for a more adult approach- considering this was her wedding and they aren’t eighteen anymore- so punching Annabelle would be seen as immature to most. She instead settles her thoughts on the mention of Amy, in her wedding dress. Hope’s heart rate began to pick up slightly. She’s seen her in the dress once or twice before but it was only briefly and every time she did, it took a lot of convincing on Hope’s part, not to take Annabelle’s joke and make it all too real. Because she looked better than Hope had ever imagined in her dreams. 

“Careful there,” Annabelle adds, “if I were you I would stop imagining Amy with that dress on. Because you already have that look on your face.” 

“What look?”

“That weird look you get when you're trying to make it less obvious that you’re definitely imagining fucking your wife to be.” Annabelle thankfully clarifies, and Hope gladly flashes her a stone-cold glare. To that Annabelle only continues. “Which in my experience usually happens after the wedding. But hey I don’t judge.”     

“Well if it isn't my two favorite people in the whole entire universe?” Gigi’s presence startles both girls, and more importantly how she had just pulled off the act of materializing out of thin air. Because she was standing in between the two of them which only moments ago would be virtually impossible. Only because Hope and Annabelle were standing shoulder and shoulder. 

“Shit Gigi where the hell did you come from?” Hope says out of pure surprise. 

“Not too shabby,” Gigi says inspecting Hope’s dress, hers is significantly less formal than Amy’s. Her’s being the traditional wedding dress of the two.  

When planning the wedding Hope and Amy had decided that they wanted the traditional wedding ritual, the one where the groom isn’t allowed to see the bride. Instead of it being the bride and groom, they came up with a solution, without the need for one of them to have to wear a suit. Hope would wear a wedding dress, much less formal than Amy’s, while Amy wore the wedding dress most would recognize as the bride. As a way to further differentiate that, Hope would take more of the groom role, waiting at the altar as Amy walks down the aisle, and Amy is the one given away. 

“Thanks, Gigi,” Hope says all the while Gigi is eyeing her suspiciously, almost like she is a mad scientist trying to discover a new element on the periodic table.

She clears her throat. “Now you listen here.” Gigi takes two strides forward so that she is even closer to a confused Hope. “If you dare. I mean dare hurt Amy I will have no choice but to find you and make your death look like an accident.” 

Hope doesn’t reply, maybe because she’s not really sure how to. She was expecting this from Molly, Amy’s parents even but definitely not Gigi. 

Gigi looks like she’s dead serious. 

“You hear me?” Gigi brings up a finger to point directly at Hope. 

“Sure Gigi I got it. If I hurt her I’m dunzo.” 

Annabelle snickers beside her. “I always knew you had a soft spot for Anster, Gigi.”

“Yeah,” Gigi says, like it’s obvious. “She’s my best friend for fucks sake.”  

Jared comes over, tucking a hand around Gigi’s waist. “Hey, Annabelle.” He looks over to Hope a small smile on his face as he really takes her in. “Hope.” 

“Didn’t really think you two could make it,” Annabelle says. “Weren’t you guys in Europe yesterday or something?”

“Yeah, but we couldn’t miss your wedding,” Jared throws a crooked smile at Hope. “You look great, Hope. Amy is one lucky lady.” 

“I knew you were going to get married before you guys were even together. Isn’t that right Jared.” Gigi chimes in. 

“Yeah, it's actually true. It was what, freshman year when you told me that Hope and Amy were going to get married and live happily ever after with how many kids?”

Hope’s face reddens at the mention of children, more specifically, the possibility of children with Amy. 

“Two. A boy and a girl.” Gigi says with a level of certainty that is a little alarming. 

“Got the names too?” Annabelle jokes. 

“I’m blanking on that,” she huffs, using the palm of her hand to knock it against the top of her head. “Come on stupid what are Hope’s and Amy’s future children's names.” 

“Justin, Liv come over here,” Amy shouts from the lounge chair she is sitting on, “you guys need to put on sunscreen before you go play in the sand.” 

Justin groans and drags his feet over to his mother while Liv skips over, a wide smile on her face. Justin’s got light brown hair, it's cut shorter than usual since school had just let out and his mothers think it's best that it’s on the shorter side during the summer months. Liv’s got dirty blonde hair and the freckles on her face are starting to grow in number due to the sun’s more everlasting presence throughout the day. 

“Get your arms and legs, Liv, then come over here and I’ll get your face.” Liv nods and grabs the sunscreen from out of the blue beach bag sitting at the foot of Amy’s lounge chair. 

“Why do I always have to do my face first,” Justin mumbles as he closes his eyes. 

“Because I know how much you hate it so it’s just easier to get it done first, hun.” Amy takes the tube of sunscreen and squirts a generous amount on her hands. She quickly rubs it on her son’s face. 

“Mom! It’s cold.” He squeaks. 

“Don’t be a baby Justin, it's just sunscreen,” Liv says, rolling her eyes. 

“Liv what did I say about teasing your brother,” Hope warns as she sits down beside Amy. A hand easily wraps itself around her wife’s waist. 

“Yeah yeah.” She mutters. She hands the body sunscreen to Justin and takes his place. She takes the sunscreen to the face much better. 

“Okay, you're all set,” Hope says to her two eager kids.

“Will you and mom build a sandcastle with us?” Liv asks after Justin had already taken off towards the beach. 

“Sure, just give us a few minutes to get settled,” Hope says. Liv, satisfied with her answer, scurries off towards her brother. 

“Get the sand wet, I'll start digging.” She calls out as she meets Justin on the beach. 

“How long do you think we can stay?” Hope asks, reaching over to re-tuck a strand of hair that had somehow untucked itself from behind Amy’s ear. 

“Two hours, maybe two in a half if we're lucky and work doesn’t call and wants me to start on the reports.”  

“That’s good. I’m glad you got time off. I know how much beach day means to them.” Hope leans back and with an all-familiar smirk leans in and places a soft kiss on Amy’s lips. 

“Ew gross stop we’re out in public.” Justin’s voice finds its way over to the two women. “Don’t embarrass us.” 

Hope smiles against Amy’s lips and just continues the kiss. 

“Okay, really guys stop,” Liv says, a little giggle follows. 

They finally part and Amy whispers. “I think I can drop them off at my parent's house for a bit after dinner tonight.” 

“Are you trying to get your parents to watch the kids so we can do it?” Hope jokes and a grin finds purchase on her face when it’s clear that Amy’s still quite affected by Hope when she says things like that. 

“Yeah, something like that, Hope.” Amy gets out, a blush taking over her face.  

Hope laughs and takes Amy’s hand and tugs them up so they can join their kids on the beach. 

Hope helps Justin pack the sand as tight as possible in the sandcastle bucket. Amy and Liv work on the actual construction of the castle. Amy can’t help but let her eyes wander over to Hope her toned arms packing the sand down. Hope must sense this and looks up and flashes her a sly grin. 

Later when Liv and Justin have gotten in and out of the ocean multiple times and the sun has disappeared briefly behind the clouds, Hope stops a young couple and asks if it would be alright if they took a photo of them. The young man accepts the offer immediately. 

Hope hands him her camera and beckons her family over. Once they're all positioned, and photo-ready, Hope’s got a hand on one of Liv’s shoulders the other wrapped over Amy’s mid-section, and Amy’s leaning against Hope one hand on Justin’s left shoulder the other around Hope’s back.     

“Say cheese!” The man says, the four of them smile, all of them are full of pure joy. 

His girlfriend or maybe wife leans over and leans into him. Amy catches her saying something that was probably supposed to be between them but she couldn't help that she overheard them. 

“When are we going to have a couple of kids?” She says, which warms Amy’s heart. 

“Soon.” He says under his breath. “Soon baby.” 

“Let’s do a funny one.” Justin offers, looking up at his moms. 

Hope leans down, “okay but you have to make the funniest face out of the four of us.”   

“That’s a big ask but I can totally make the funniest face. Just watch me.” 

The couple laughs and snaps a few more photos. 

Hope thanks them and right as she is fully turned away to follow her family the girl calls out. 

“You have a beautiful family!”  

Something inside her tugs, because it was true she did have a beautiful family. A wonderful goofy little boy with a smile that made her day every time she saw it. An exceptional young lady who’s turning out so much like Amy. With all her awards and above-level grade cards, and on top of that, somehow she’s a starter on the middle school basketball team. She definitely didn’t get that from either Amy or Hope. She thinks she takes after Sam in that sense. And the girl who helped bring these wonderful kids into the world. 

Amy. Her Amy. 

Everything about her amazed her. Hope had fallen hard for her all the way back in high school and every so often, she thanks the universe for letting their paths cross at the time they did.  

It’s when they're all packed up and headed back home, the kids in the backseat are knocked out, when Amy finds the camera. She looks through the photos and a wide grin spreads across her face.

“Did they come out good?” Hope asks from the driver's seat. 

“Yeah,” She says simply. “One of these is definitely getting framed.” 

“I think we got a frame at home somewhere,” Hope says, glancing momentarily at her wife. 

Amy finds herself going through more photos on the camera. Most of them are of their kids for the most part until she reaches the photos that were so old that most of them are dated right before the two of them had even gotten pregnant with Olivia. 

Amy slowly moves through the photos. A photo from their six-year anniversary. Amys got her eyes squeezed shut, face pressed against Hope’s as she looked lovingly at her. They had been snuggled up on the couch they had bought together for their first apartment together. 

She searches further, and she smiles, it was a photo taken right after Hope’s graduation ceremony from NYU. Hopes got her diploma in her hands, her lips pressed against Amy’s temple.

She stops when she gets to one that is more than just the two of them. It was the trip she and Hope had taken during their summer break to visit Molly and Annabelle in New Haven. They're all still in their pj's. Annabelle has a hand playfully wrapped around Molly. Molly’s leaning in happily into Annabelle. Hope’s got her hair up in a messy bun and the old pair of glasses that she had always claimed to hate and Amy loved, rest on her face. Amy’s holding up a mug and her own pair of glasses are not on her face, instead are tucked up on the top of her head, tangled in her messy hair.  

The last one she finds before they pull into their driveway is the one taken when Hope had visited her in Botswana. They were sprawled out on Amy’s bed, it was her who was holding the camera. It’s angled so Amy’s hands had to be stuck up straight. They’re kissing and Hope must have not wanted to have her picture taken because she’s flipping the camera off.

Amy chuckles which causes Hope to lean over to see what’s got her so preoccupied, once there safely parked in the driveway that is. She gets a good look at the photo and smiles. 

Whispering, “probably don’t want the kids to see that one.”   

“See what?” Justin asks from the backseat. 

The venue was buzzing with voices, Amy’s gripping her father’s arm harder than she probably should as they wait rather impatiently for the wedding to begin. She’s never been one for attention, that was always more of Molly’s thing, but Hope had insisted on having all these wonderful people here and maybe Amy wanted that too. It’s just so overwhelming. 

Before she can talk herself even more down her father’s voice cuts through her train of thought. “Ready?” 

“Uh yeah.” Amy squeaks, her father smiles and squeaks her arm reassuringly as the opening notes of Here Comes The Bride rings through the banquet hall on a grand piano. Amy will be the first to admit that this was pretty cliche but this was her and Hope’s cliche moment that will always live in the walls of this banquet as theirs and theirs only. 

Her father nods as he pushes the doors open. She had underestimated just how many people were really there, all of them to celebrate her and Hope’s marriage. As they start to stand up and turn around Amy’s put at a bit of ease when she finally finds Hope’s eyes. 

There’s this glint in them, that Amy had learned was only reserved for her dorky self. The moment feels like it’s playing out in slow motion and only allows for the two of them to experience it. The world around them dissolves. All Amy sees is Hope. She looks absolutely breathtaking. Her brown locks are wavy and natural, flowing down her shoulders.

Amy, Amy, Amy- there she is, her Amy, words couldn’t even describe how drop-dead gorgeous she looks. Hope’s head is going haywire, her mouth has suddenly lost the ability to produce moisture. Everyone else in the room is a mere backdrop now.

Amy’s father plants a kiss on her head as she leads her up to meet Hope. 

What follows is complete white noise to the both of them. All they can really do is stand there and hold each other’s hands as their eyes bore into one another. 

Amy stutters as to be expected as they exchange their vows, but Hope is a complete mess. Amy only smiles and laces their fingers together even tighter. 

Hope easily slides the wedding ring up Amy’s finger, Amy’s turn is much less graceful. It’s shaky but entirely them. 

Hope, as she tends to do, subconsciously mouths an I love you before she leans in. I love you t- Amy gets out, being cut off halfway through when Hope’s pulling her into their first kiss as a married couple. 

Chapter Text

It was messy, awkward at times, and surprising as first times tend to go, but it was entirely and purely them. Hope’s bed feels different now as they lay there together. Safer. Hope’s on her back a hand on Amy’s bared thigh tracing patterns with her fingers. Amy’s head rests on Hope’s chest, her fingers toying with her girlfriend's messy hair. 

“How was it? Okay?” Hope’s voice was unusually shaky as she spoke. Her eyes were still fixed on the ceiling. 

Amy sighs, burying herself further into Hope’s body. “It was perfect.” 

“Are you sure? I just want to make sure your first time was y’know-”

“It was, it was, I promise. Because you would definitely know by now if it wasn't.” Amy laughs softly. 

“Oh is that so? Would you have jumped out of my bedroom window from the second floor and had been to your car by now?” 

Amy chuckles against Hope's chest, causing Hope to eye her lovingly. “I’d be halfway home.” 

This was Amy’s first time and Hope’s first time with Amy. The two of them had both agreed the botched poorly thought-out hookup on a bathroom floor didn’t count. 

Amy had always played out this moment in her head, before Hope it had been Ryan. Through her relationship with Hope, Amy had discovered that the crush on Ryan had only come from a naive place in her head. Wherein, Amy’s only reasoning behind it was surface level. Basically the equivalent of a schoolyard crush. 

Ryan was everything Hope wasn’t. She fit the queer stereotype to a tee. Which was later disproved by the disaster that was the pool incident that ended in Nick’s tongue down Ryan’s throat. She’ll admit her gaydar was off, way off. 

Now even Amy herself questions the crush, Molly had always found her liking for the skater girl as a little bit out of the blue. 

Hope had just fit in Amy’s world in a way that Amy had always wished for but could only dream of. 

“You would have really left my little heartbroken self to fend all alone?” Hope questions her, relishing the warmth Amy had supplied her with, planting a kiss on her bare shoulder. 

“I don’t really know, maybe your ego needs a little bit of a beating too.” Amy jokes. 

“Shut up,” Hope snickers, rolling them so that she is now straddling her. “You like me too much to hurt me when I’m already down.” 

Instead of replying she smiles and leans up to capture Hope’s reddened and swollen lips into yet another kiss. 

Much later when Amy begins to nod off and her breathing begins to slow, Hope just watches. She has never felt more content in her life. It’s hard to remember any other moment in her life where she had let her guard down as much as she has. The wandering thoughts that follow her around, simmer down so much they're almost gone completely.

Amy was her safe place. It might seem superficial but it’s true. Hope wasn’t one to let people in let alone try to pursue a relationship whether that being romantic or platonic. But Amy was a huge exception. All she wants to do is to let her walls down, it might be slow, but she surely is.

Amy mumbles something in her sleep and snuggles closer, almost like she’s trying to make them fuse together as one. Hope smiles and whispers. 

“Goodnight pretty girl.”

Amy stirs awake and rolls over to find Hope, but instead, she is met with a cold sheet. Something deep down inside her sinks. 

Her eyes almost desperately search the room and, seconds later, her heart is put to rest when she spots her. She’s seated at the end of the bed, body faced away from Amy, with a book in her hands. 

Her shirts off, only in a bra and a pair of loosely fitted shorts. 

“You're up?” Hope says, somehow sensing that Amy had woken up. 

“Come back to bed?” She asks needier than she had meant it to be. 

“No, because then I won’t ever leave. You have a quote-on-quote important meeting with one of the million clubs you're a part of in like an hour.” 

“Oh shit, yeah for National Honor Society,” Amy’s up at the new information, crawling down the bed to wrap her arms securely around Hope. 

“My parents aren’t home but Maddy and Will are. So be prepared.” She warns as she turns back to leave a kiss on the redhead's cheek. 

“It won’t be that bad. They're only your brother and sister.” Amy insists, resting her head in the nape of Hope’s neck. 

“Yeah you're right but you spent the night. So inevitably they're going to say some weird things to the two of us.” 

“Hope you're overreacting.” 

“Oh, so the one night mom and dad are gone you do it with her,” Will whispers to Hope when Amy’s at the island and Hope’s fixing the two of them bowls of cereal.

“Shut up you dick.” Hope hisses and only gets a laugh from her brother. 

“Oh, so you're not denying it?” He giggles. 

“They definitely did. She’s got the night after sex glow on her face.” Maddy adds, a wide grin on her lips. 

Hope nudges the two of them with her shoulders. “Stop it. She can probably hear you. And I really like her, okay?” 

Maddy’s the one to let up on Hope. “Relax Hopey we know you do. We’ve decided collectively as your siblings that she’s cool.” 

Hope groans. “I told you to stop calling me that. Dad is the only one who is allowed to.” 

“Okay, Hopey I’ll try to stop.” Maddy grabs her yogurt and leaves before Hope can dish out another nasty comment. 

“Just be safe.” Will jokes, giving her a smack to the back. 

Hope and Amy enjoy a peaceful breakfast. Will and Maddy make an effort to keep the innuendos to little to none until Amy’s left the table. 

“I’ll call you later,” Amy says as she pulls away from Hope's goodbye kiss. 

“Yeah, have fun or whatever at Key Club.”

“National Honors Society.” She corrects. 

Hope only shakes her head playfully and walks Amy to her car. 

“God you’re so fucking whipped dude.” Will laughs when Hope finally goes back inside. 

“That’s so not true.” Hope lies straight through her teeth. 

Amy’s on the couch with a cup of coffee on the table next to her and a computer on her lap. She had been working on multiple writing pieces for the internship she’s been working for, profusely and nonstop for the better half of the last week. 

Hope had been out in the city taking photos for the magazine she works for with a few colleagues and had just gotten home a few hours ago. She’s in a pair of sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt as was Amy.

“Come sit. It’s been longer than I’m happy with since I’ve seen you.” Amy pouts, taking a pause from her computer screen.

Hope flashes her signature smirk and is on the couch moments later. “Been busy?” 

Amy nods and shuts her computer to give Hope her full attention. “Yeah, my jackass boss wants them by midnight. But he’s just going to have to wait until tomorrow morning because I want to spend my night with you.”

A black lab with his tail wagging and tongue out jumps on the couch and squeezes his way between the two girls. “Looks like Dunkin wants to spend some time with you too” Hope adds, a hand coming down to pet Dunkin’s back. 

The two of them had stumbled across a flyer posted by a shelter that was in desperate need to get all their dogs adopted by the end of the week or else they would have no choice but to put all of the animals down. Amy had begged and even dragged Hope to the shelter a few days before the week was over. 

It shattered both of their hearts to walk through the rows upon rows of dogs in cages. Either cowering or hopeful that Hope and Amy would be their new home. Amy had been clutching Hope’s hand the whole way through their time there.

In the last row of dogs, there laid a black lab, his ears tucked down and tail between his legs. Hope’s the one to bend down and greet the puppy. His eyes light up immediately, he begins to claw at the cage, and his tail wags.

They leave with a new puppy and happy parents. “Let's name him Dunkin. Doesn’t that name just suit him?” Amy asks as she pulls out of the shelter parking lot.

Dunkin’s in Hope’s arms curled up in a ball with his eyes shut, little snores leaving his mouth periodically. He looked at peace, almost like the two of them had been his family his whole life. 

“Yeah, Ames that’s perfect.” Hope beams. “Welcome home Dunkin.” 

Dunkin rests his head on Amy’s lap and drifts off to sleep. “Can you believe he's almost three? We’ve been doggy parents for almost two and a half years.” Hope remarks, leaning against their sleeping dog and wrapping an arm around him.  

“That’s what I’ve been wanting to talk to you about, actually,” Amy says, there’s this look in her eyes. It looks a lot like fear to Hope, wanting her to continue she nods her head as a way to show Amy that she’s listening. “I’ve been thinking.” She pauses, as a way to gather her thoughts. “A lot. More as of recently, that we should maybe think about starting our own.” 

“A family?” Hope questions, out of pure curiously no ill intentions lay behind her words.

Amy’s gaze falls to her lap and her fingers pick at the dry skin around her nails. “Yeah.” She says. “Only if you want to though.” 

Hope’s insides all rearrange themselves as she processes what her girlfriend had just said. “Really?” She asks, trying to make sure that what she had said was real. Amy nods shyly, her eyes are still downcast on her lap. “Like me and you have kids?” 

“That was the plan I guess.” 

“Like as in human beings?” Hope takes a deep breath to mask her excitement at just the idea alone. 

“Probably, I personally wasn’t thinking about having aliens or building a robot.” Amy jokes, her voice still shaky nonetheless. 

“Right.” Hope shakes her head in amusement and reaches over to place her thumb under Amy's chin and slowly yet urgently raises it to meet her eyes. “I’ve been thinking about that too actually.” 

Amy’s eyes widened. “Really?” 

“Yeah, I just was too afraid to ask. Maybe it was too soon or something?” Hope admits. 

“So you want mini versions of us too?” Amy’s eyes are now gleaming with joy.  

“I guess you can say that pretty girl.” 

Amy pulls Hope into a kiss, eager to start a family together. 

It was hard, like harder than any of the movies or books had said. Long-distance for Amy and Hope felt like an uphill battle. Both of them tried to hold onto something that was already fragile when they had left each other almost a year ago. At first, it was going okay. Seeing each other’s faces was enough. They’ve already done this once so what is it again for another year in a half? 

Amy was in China studying abroad for her UN position back in the states. Hope had supported her wholeheartedly. Amy had believed her at first. Until she just couldn’t even pretend if she wanted to. Hope stood at the security line and waved Amy a goodbye, her eyes told a completely different story than her words had ever expressed. 

Maybe it was because they were younger, or they had been together for a significantly less amount of time when they did it the first time, that made this time harder. It began to hurt more and more when they let each other go after a call. Whether it was only fifteen minutes or the two of them had fallen asleep on the phone together. The real problem was neither one of them had the guts to tell one another that. 

So the pretending became so much easier, almost painfully easier than letting the truth shine through. They both got busier and more ignorant of their relationship issues. They both put it off for longer than they should have. It was just too hard to put a pause on something neither one of them was fully willing to follow through on. 

They had spent the last four years of their lives together. It wasn’t something they could have planned for. The feeling, numbness, and loss that lingers after a goodbye like this, was just all too scary to let happen. They stayed together even though it felt like they had been emotionally separated for almost the entirety of Amy’s year aboard.  

Until, “I think it would be best if we take a break,” Amy’s voice comes through stuffy and lined with pain from the line all the way in China. 

Hope’s been crying, and so has Amy. They had been on the phone for nearly three hours. As of lately most of their conversation lasted this long and ended with the feeling that the end was near. But that day, on a particularly rainy night for both girls, the words had finally been uttered.

“I know,” Hope says with a tired and heartbroken heart, there was no use anymore on trying to argue. “It’s not a breakup. Just a break.” 

“Right.”

“You’re beautiful,” says a girl from across the dance floor over blaring music, “Like breathtaking.” 

Hope was more than tipsy at this point and lost Annabelle in the crowd hours ago. She has a painted-on smile that hadn’t been genuine since the night Amy had said those words on their last call with one another. It had been months. They had both agreed to figure things out separately. Which included seeing other people.  

“Do pretty girls-” Hope stops herself at the mention of Amy’s pet name and starts again. “What’s a girl like you doing at a bar all alone.” 

The girl laughs, it was sweet and soft, but it wasn’t Amy’s and it made Hope break inside a little bit more. As if she hadn't already been hurting already. So Hope downs whatever is in her shot cup.

“Looking for girls like you.” She says flirtatiously. 

It hurts and stings all at once when the girl takes the silence as a good thing and leans in. Hope’s shoving her off before she fully registers it with herself. Perhaps harder than she should have. She just couldn’t bring herself to let another girl, that wasn’t Amy, have the taste of Hope’s lips in her mouth. 

The girl scoffs and throws her drink at Hope, “bitch!” She yells, shoving Hope back as the rejection starts to really sink in for the both of them. 

Hope’s far too tired to deal with some girl bitching over a one-nightstand that didn’t pan out to put up a fight. But it seems like the girl has other plans. She grabs Hope by her jacket and pushes her against the wall. 

The people around them seem to figure out what's happening but aren’t entirely sure what to do. 

“Get the fuck off of her!” Annabelle’s voice snarls at the girl over the ear-bleeding music. She pushes through the crowd of people and uses a strength Hope was not familiar with. “I said get your slimy hands off of her.” She grabs the girl and forces her to release Hope from her harsh grip.

“What are you the fucking girlfriend? Mad that she’s being an unloyal slut?” The girl slurs. 

Annabelle’s fist meets the girl's mouth in an instant. The onlookers cheer and clap as the girl groans and grabs her lip, blood oozing from it. 

The bouncers think otherwise and kick the girls out of the club. Hope looks at her best friend with an emptied expression when the door shuts behind them. It was almost scary how much Hope had become a shell of her former self. 

She had barely talked about the break. At first, Annabelle understood her but now she just couldn’t let it slide. It wasn’t healthy.  

“Hope please let me in,” Annabelle finally dares to say, as they sit in Annabelle's car. “I’ve given you time. But the clocks running out. I can’t keep watching you become this hollowed-out version of what you used to be.” 

“I still look at the photos of her,” Hope says from her spot in the passenger seat, her eyes firmly out the window. “She’s everything. My everything.” 

Annabelle stays quiet and listens. 

“We have a dog together Annabelle. He still doesn't understand why she never comes home anymore.” Hope’s voice quivers, it’s as if Hope had never said this out loud before. 

It’s silent for a while. It's not the type of silence that sits comfortably in a room. It's the silence crawling and desperately trying to fill the void hanging on the sound of white noise. Annabelle almost opens her mouth when Hope speaks again. “We were supposed to start a family together before she got that call from the UN.” 

Annabelle covers her eyes and feels the complete heartache Hope had been feeling for months. That was the reason why Hope couldn’t seem to even find it in herself to try to push Amy out of her head for even a millisecond. 

“We were going to name her after my grandmother,” Amy cries to Molly, the ache in her chest is almost unbearable at this point. “Molls we were this close to starting a family and I had to go and fuck it up and accept that job offer.” 

“I didn’t know that Ames,” Molly mutters, pulling her best friend into the tightest embrace Molly thinks she’s ever given her. 

“We took a break so that by the time I got back home we could figure it out,” Amy says struggling to keep her words understandable, the tears flowing like never before. “It wasn’t supposed to happen. We were going to get over the jitters of a long-distance relationship and make-up.”

Molly just nods slowly and tightens her grip on Amy. 

“We were angry and said things that shouldn’t have ever been said. Neither of us had ever felt this type of heartbreak in our lives.” 

Amy’s phone is off for this conversation. 

Hope calls.

It goes to voicemail, not that Hope would think any less. Her phone beeps. 

Hope’s still crying as she tries to find words, any that can make a sentence at this point. 

“I miss you so fucking much. Like the worlds going to crack open and swallow everything that we know type of miss.”

It’s quiet for a second; a shuddered sob comes from Hope’s end. 

“I can’t stop looking at the stupid photos. I took every single one of them. It’s our fucking relationship wrapped into a ribbon Amy. And I force myself to relive them through my fucking camera. Every. Single. Day.” 

It hurts Hope even more that she wouldn’t be able to hear Amy reply. 

“NYU, Colombia- graduation. All of our universities, every one seemed more important than the last. Our first apartment. House. Our fucking dog Dunkin. Christmas. Thanksgiving. Fourth of July- birthdays Amy. Our wedd-,” She stutters. “Our wedding, I can’t do this to myself anymore. I need to throw that thing away. Or else I won’t be able to move on. Maybe it's because part of me knows I won’t.” 

She takes a gulp of the half-emptied wine bottle and continues.

“I only want you. All I’ve ever wanted was you. It's pretty fucked up. I still dream of a family with you. Olivia was her name, right? If it was a boy after my late uncle Justin. Fuck it. Forget what I just said.”

“I almost kissed some girl tonight. She smelled like that shitty perfume that we used to laugh at because every basic white girl at our high school used to wear it. She was short, not much taller than you. Her smile was pretty I guess to any other girl at the fucking club. But it made me feel so fucking suffocated. She was blonde. Not my type I guess. She leaned in and I pushed her off of me. Because- because”

“She wasn’t you. She’ll never be.” 

The phone is hung up after.

Chapter Text

Amy’s curled herself in a ball in Molly’s bedroom. Molly’s at her grandmother's for the day so Amy’s left to replay the words of Hope’s voicemail all alone. Her body aches even more than the night before when she had cried in Molly’s arms for hours after she had finally told her why this break was so important for them. 

“She wasn’t you. She’ll never be.” 

She’s crying and shaking, repeating the same words inside her head. All Amy could really think about was their home, on the outskirts of LA. Probably empty because Hope would still be at work right now. 

She still had a key.  

So she goes, the door opens with ease, and Amy lets a few tears fall as she opens the door. Dunkin runs up to her with a force that Amy hadn't seen since he was a puppy. He almost knocks her over but settles to jump up on Amy, wrapping his paws around her. 

She stays with Dunkin for a while and lets all her pain double as he tightens around her like once she tells him to let go, she’ll be gone forever. Dunkin knew what was going on. He had always been a smart dog, after all. 

He follows her, not letting an inch come in between them as she slowly moves through the home. It’s the same. Everything. She holds her breath once she gets closer to the photo’s hung up on the wall. 

It was just how she remembered. The photos were still kept up save for the dust building around the borders of the frames. Not wanting to spread the hurt any further within her body she swiftly travels to their bedroom. It’s clean. Hope always liked it that way. Amy did too. Dunkin jumps on Hope’s side of the bed and lays down, expecting Amy to climb in with him. 

She can’t. It's not her place anymore. He cries. Which makes her. She sits on the bed and holds him until she knows she shouldn’t be anymore. She goes to the dresser and her heart stops at the site of Hope’s engagement ring. It sat on Amy’s side of the dresser. She had kept it. 

It had only been months but it felt like centuries. Their hearts were still connected, it was too soon, and the two of them had been together for far too long for the connection to be completely severed. 

She was stupid, young, and heartbroken so she wrote her a letter. 

Hope, 

It’s the girl who you built your life around. The girl who also completely derailed it. Ruined everything because of a little bit of distance. I got your voicemail. I wish in everything that the universe would have allowed me to pick it up. But it didn’t so now I’m here. In our old house together. Asking for one thing. If you wish to talk one more time. Even if it ends in flames to meet me tomorrow at our favorite spot. If not, don’t come. I’m not holding this against you. 

6:30

There was no name signed.  

Amy’s under the bleachers of Crockett High with a beaten and broken heart waiting for the girl of her dreams to put it back together. Maybe Amy deserved to be stood up. She had finally decided that Hope had chosen to continue her life without Amy when she had been waiting for an hour and the sun was about to go behind the clouds. 

She feels the ghost of the tarnished memories of the two of them cross her eyelids as she begins to walk away when a familiar arm reaches out to grab her, spins her on her feet, and pulls her into a kiss. 

“I missed you, pretty girl.” Hope looks different and her voice sounds like it too. Like half of her had been ripped away from her, and maybe Amy was here to repair it.

“You have no idea,” Amy’s voice is just as hollow and worn down, so brittle and stretched thin.

They’re broken in ways words couldn’t even begin to describe because this had both hit them harder than anything ever had. Because for the most part, they had never had to go through it without each other. 

“It’s so stupid and clique but these few months we’ve been a part of my whole life feels empty,” Hope mutters against the nape of Amy’s neck. 

“It’s like I'm missing my other half,” Amy adds, instantly understanding what Hope’s words were trying to convey. 

“Our house was almost a complete torture to come home to. Like without you there, I was just a guest. Waiting for the owner to come home and make it feel like home again.” Hope’s head rests atop Amy's, taking her scent in. It had been left scattered across their home, but it was less intense, almost like an afterthought when Hope would catch a hint of it now. “Dunkin sleeps on your side of the bed waiting for you to crawl in next to me.” 

Amy sniffs, holding back the tears that are threatening to fall as she finds the small of Hope’s back. “I’m staying with my parents and Molly some of the time. But,” she pauses for a moment, treading on a thin line as she speaks again. “Most nights I lay there, my eyes closed, Dunkins at the foot of the bed, and the ghost of your arm is wrapped around me.”

“It’s easier to imagine when the girl used to sleep in it every night,” Hope says sadly, “People all the time ask how you’re doing. And of course, I didn’t know what to say.” 

“I can’t stand when people ask about you,” Amy reveals.

Hope squeaks her eyes shut and the hold on her wife feels as though if she lets go, Amy would slip away. Forever this time. 

It starts to pour and they don’t care. Call it a movie. Their love for each other felt like they were living in one. Maybe this is their forever.

Hope’s converse kick at the dirt that lies under her feet. All the noise and movement from the bleachers above her only makes her bitch more. Annabelle had dragged her to the game, claiming that homecoming is the only game that really matters. She would have fought her off more if it wasn’t for the promise to see her girlfriend. 

“I’m going to find Theo, he owes me for the shit I let him take a couple of days ago,” Annabelle says, her body leaning up against the brick wall behind them. 

Hope groans, “You're the one who forced me against my will to come here, idiot.” 

“Relax,” Annabelle takes a drag of the blunt in her mouth and hands it over to Hope. Her eyes wander beyond Hope towards the other end of the bleachers. “See your girls here.” 

Hope tries to mask how her features soften at the mere sight of her. Trying to keep her cruel mean girl glare, but alas Annabelle giggles and she huffs a puff of smoke out of her mouth.

“You don’t need to act all mean in shit Hope. It’s just me here and I already know how weirdly head over heels you are for that nerd.”  

Hope narrows her eyes at Annabelle. “Hey, I’m the only one who can call her a nerd.” 

Annabelle puts her hands up in the air as a way to surrender. “Okay, calm down, this protective thing kind of makes you even more unapproachable.” 

Amy’s smile is shy and cute in all the ways Hope remembers. She relaxes when Amy’s at her side leaning up to place an innocent kiss on her cheek.

“That shits weirdly cute,” Annabelle says awkwardly as if she was interrupting something personal between the two girls. 

“Annabelle here gotta go find Theo. Don’t you?” Hope says, her hands in the pockets of her jeans, even though she would much rather have one swung over Amy’s shoulder and the other around her waist. 

Annabelle finally seems to get the message and leaves, uttering a ‘have fun.’

“Hey,” Amy says once they were sure they were alone.  

“Where’s the wife?” Hope jokes, wanting to push her girlfriend's buttons, just because she finds it utterly adorable how Amy’s face reddens every single time Hope refers to Molly as her wife. 

“She’s not my wife,” Amy snickers playfully. “She’s fine. But you didn’t really care. Did you?”

Hope shakes her head and effectively ends the bantering with a kiss. 

Amy breathes into her mouth. “Is it bad that I kind of like the taste of pot, but only if it’s from your mouth?” 

It’s said oddly smoothly from Amy’s mouth, so much so, that it catches Hope off guard. She thankfully recovers before Amy can suspect anything differently. “Do you want to try something, then?” Hope asks, in a low and scratchy tone against Amy’s lips. 

Amy bites her lip and pulls back, nodding, all the while her eyes fill with hunger. 

Hope quickly pulls out a freshly rolled joint from her back pocket and grabs a lighter. Amy doesn't protest, and instead just watches intently. When she brings the lighter up to the joint, she uses her free hand to shield the open flame because the wind is picking up.

Amy looks, turned on? Hope thinks as she spares a glance up at the redhead. She smiles to herself as she turns her attention back to the joint itself. It takes a few tries but it finally lights.

Rolling it with her tongue, Hope lets it burn out for a brief second. Then she breathes in and holds the smoke in her mouth as she motions for Amy to walk closer. She brings the hand not preoccupied with the joint and tucks it under Amy’s chin. She slides her thumb forward to urge the girl forward. 

Hope brings her into a kiss and skillfully blows the smoke into Amy’s mouth. Amy’s knees turn into spaghetti at the new sensation. This is fulfilling Amy’s wild girl dreams.

Hope was dark and mysterious and Amy craved the girl more and more as the days passed. It was liberating and intimidating all at once, and Amy couldn’t get enough.  

“Okay,” Amy says dizzily. “That was,” she giggles and leans into Hope, her mouth partially against hers, “hot”

Hope laughs, reaching a hand down, using her thumb and index finger to swiftly rest under Amy’s chin. “I gotta say Anstler, I kinda dig this rebellious streak you’ve gone down recently.” She says flirtatiously. “What would the wife think?” 

Amy’s cheeks flush a bright red, and she rolls her eyes. “Shut up! You know Molly, she’d do some weird rapunzel shit and lock me away from you.” 

“More like Romeo and Juliet,” Hope counters, as she brings the joint and repeats the same actions as before, Amy relaxing into it more the second time around. Once releasing the smoke she continues. “We’d have to sneak around even more than we are now.” 

“I bet you’d actually like that.” 

Hope smirks. “Yeah maybe.” 

Amy, feeling a sudden boost of confidence, plays along with Hope’s flirtatious remarks. “So it’s a turn-on to you, huh?”

“What if it was?” Hope admits shamelessly.  

Amy was still trying to get used to this type of attention from a girl, especially because it was Hope. This was all new and exciting. “Then maybe we embrace it.” 

“Don’t want to get caught by the Mrs.” Hope presses their lips together, and Amy just chuckles and shoves her playfully. 

Hope skillfully puts the joint out by pressing it against the brick wall they were next to, so she could get both hands free. Experimentally, both arms find Amy’s ass and they hover, not sure if Amy would be comfortable with it out in public so she leans in. 

“Can I?” 

Amy nods, and Hope squeezes it. It felt wrong in all the right ways because Amy was never one for public display of affection, but this- If they got caught it would be a lot harder to justify. And it was just oh so hot.

Suppressing a moan Amy uses her body to guide Hope back until she hits the wall behind them. Her arms come up to rest on both sides of Hope. 

“Hope the wife’s on your ass,” Annabelle calls out urgently, a few moments later. 

Luckily it seemed like Annabelle was too far away to see the compromising positions the two girls were in. They had enough time to pull away and try to make themselves somewhat decent. 

“Amy! Where the hell have you been?” Molly says almost right on cue.

Once closer, Molly's eyes Hope suspiciously. Annabelle just smiles and puts her hands on her hips beside her. 

“Hey, Moll” Amy starts, trying to create even more space between her and Hope. 

“Hey,” Molly replies, her tone uneasy, not entirely sure why Hope the mean girl stoner loner, somehow popular girl, was spending her free time with her shy and awkward best friend. “What are you doing with stoner girl?”

Hope raises a brow defensively. “Are you talking about me?”

“Who else would I be talking about?” Molly says flatly. 

Amy shoots Molly a glare but stays quiet. 

“Annabelle.” 

“Come on dude you have to admit that you are known as the class stoner.” Annabelle buds in. 

“Whatever the point isn’t if Hope is or is not the class stoner.” Molly voices, cutting right to the chase. “The point is, what the hell are you two doing together?” 

It was a fair assumption, never in their eleven years of school together had Hope and Amy willingly spent time with one another, and Molly was going to get an answer out of them one way or another.  

“Selling drugs to your wife. Right, Amy?” Hope sounded completely believable. “I’ve got a good deal for the both of you if you’d like.” 

Molly looks disgusted, but the looks on both Hope’s and Annabelle’s faces tell her that it was a joke. 

“Cut the bullshit, Hope.” Molly hisses clearly annoyed. “I deserve to know what's going on.” 

“We were partnered up for a History assignment. We were just talking about what times would work for the both of us.” Amy says timidly.  

“Oh really, I don’t remember Wilson giving your class a partnered assignment.” Molly is fast to poke any holes out of Amy’s supposed reasoning as to why she’s with Hope. 

“It was extra credit.” Hope quips

“When was the last time you willingly did any extra credit assignments?” Molly’s question is directed towards Hope as if she’s trying to get her to break. 

“I’m failing his class and Amy has offered to help.” 

Amy, knowing Hope better than most, knew that Hope was one of Wilson's top students. Though she always presented herself as too cool for school, Hope had maintained a 3.8 GPA since freshman year. She just didn’t advertise it much. 

And she also knew that Hope was most definitely not failing his class. It almost felt unsettling that Molly still held these pronations towards Hope. Molly had the tendency to look at someone and put a label on them and used that as a way to determine whether or not she was going to get along with them. 

Which, Amy had always disagreed with her on that. 

She had done it with Annabelle still calling her Triple A. While Amy had never repeated the nickname and as soon as she had started seeing Hope, she was given a warm welcome by Annabelle. Apparently, Hope and she had been friends just as long as Amy and Molly had. Tanner and Theo were also so much more than what most would write time off to be. 

When Molly was caught up with all her college preparations and plans to get into Yale on a scholarship, Amy usually found herself hanging out with Hope and her friends. Which happened more than many had expected, probably more since they were nearing the end of their junior year. 

It was a nice change. Amy felt wanted outside her inner circle of friends, mostly Molly. They treated Amy like they had been close all throughout school, even though up until she met Hope, Amy had not much spared the three of them anything other than a wave when passing in the halls. 

“Okay well,” Molly said, trying to believe the two of them. Amy would never lie to her, would she? So Molly was going to have to take her word for it and move on. “You two can talk about the assignment later. Come on Amy. Sarah’s saved us a seat.” 

Amy shrugs her shoulders and waves Hope goodbye, the way she had always. So cute and dorky. Molly was already so determined to find Sarah that she hadn’t noticed the way Hope had looked at Amy as they left. 

“Hope, stop it. It’s getting creepy how much Amy’s made you soft.” Annabelle smirks at Hope and rests a hand on Hope’s shoulder. “Get it together, you don’t want anyone else thinking you have.” 

Hope rolls her eyes but takes Annabelle’s advice and as soon as they find their seats with Tanner and Theo her scowl returns, her eyes searching for Amy one last time that night. 

As Molly said they had found Sarah and were standing together, while it being somewhat confused, Hope didn’t think any of Amy’s friends had any idea how football worked. They just seemed happy to be there. 

Amy must be searching too because she blushes once she sees Hope’s hazel brown eyes, her grin small, its only purpose was to make her dorky girlfriend all flustered and frazzled. 

“I don’t buy it,” Molly says, as they pull out of Crocket’s parking lot.

“Buy what?” Amy asks, her left arm rests on the window while her right is securely placed on the wheel. 

“The extra credit assignment with Hope.” She elaborates, turning her head to look at Amy. 

Molly knew Amy inside and out, it was just the perks of being Amy’s number one since kindergarten. Usually, Molly wouldn’t have to try to push Amy to confess to something, because by this time it has already been confessed. Amy was not good at lying or keeping secrets. The two best friends never really kept things from each other though so it wasn’t usually a problem. 

So it made it that much more confusing as to why she knew Amy was keeping something from her. She had a feeling Hope had to do something with it. 

“It just seems weird, you know the stuff with Hope.” Molly starts. “Even though she’s known as a stoner, she seems pretty smart. Didn’t she always make higher honor roll in middle school?”

“Didn’t you think Hope was never one to be an overachiever like a few hours ago?” Amy asks, meeting Molly’s eyes for a brief second before returning her full attention to the road.

“Yeah, I did. I didn’t say that she wasn’t a good student, just not one for the extra credit stuff.”  

Amy knew that Molly was slowly deciphering what Amy has been actively trying to keep from her best friend. At first, she wasn’t entirely sure why she was. Then she thought maybe it was because Molly would have judged her for dating Hope after all the years of pining after Ryan. 

But really it was for a much more selfish reason. It was thrilling seeing Hope in secret. Hope was Amy’s and for the time being, she wanted to cherish the time they had together. Before the word got out and everything involving the two of them was common knowledge. Amy just wanted this one thing for herself, so maybe it was selfish but it was what she needed. Something that was entirely hers away from Molly. 

So she kept her mouth shut because she just wanted a little more time to have Hope for herself. “Yeah I think she did but, it’s true. I guess she had said History has never been her best subject so she needed some help to keep her grade up in that class.”  

If Amy was this adamant about this being true, Molly just had to trust that whatever she was hiding was for a good reason. 

So she doesn’t push and just settles for a nod. 

Hope’s in the back of Tanner’s Jeep squished between Annabelle and Theo. Tanner had made some weird excuse up as to why Ryan was in the passenger seat when everyone knew it was because she was fooling around with Nick. Because usually, it would either be Hope or Annabelle sitting next to Tanner, depending on who got their first. It was kind of some sort of unspoken rule that was created amongst the four of them back when Tanner first got his license. His birthday fell in August so he was one of the oldest in their class and quite frankly one of the first people to get his license. Hope and Annabelle had always backed up their front seat preferences with them being the only girls in the group and Theo just had to deal with it.

Theo had his arm wrapped around the front seat and was leaned over so he could have a conversation with Tanner while Ryan sat in the passenger's seat with her usual unfazed, almost unbothered smile. 

Hope had yet to talk to Amy about her unsubtle crush on Ryan. Hope claimed that there had never been a good time to bring it up, but really it was because Hope wasn’t entirely sure if she was going to like the answer. 

Ryan was just about everything Hope wasn’t. She was always in a good mood, like, Hope had never seen her the slightest bit angry or upset in all the years they had gone to school together. Which, Hope for the most part, up until she found Amy, was never able to keep her tough demeanor under control. Unless she was with her core friends. Ryan made people feel good, she did it effortlessly. Hope had to try to keep people from growing angry and pushing them away or causing the people she was around her to leave with a frown. 

Hope was jealous of Ryan. She used to be really jealous that it was Ryan. The way Amy would look at her with heart-eyes. Hope thought they should be directed at her even though she didn’t know it at the time. Because Ryan was never going to see Amy in the way she did. Maybe she was a little envious of how people saw Ryan because Hope wasn’t too proud of the reputation she had formed for herself over the years. 

But now none of that mattered because Amy was hers now. 

“What’ya thinking about?” Annabelle says, pulling Hope away from her thoughts. 

Hope stays silent, though Annabelle knows she’s listening because it was just a thing she did often. Waited for Annabelle to try to pry the problems out of her. 

“You thinkin’ about Amy?” 

“I guess,” Hope mutters, playing with the hem of her jeans. She would much rather have this conversation with Annabelle alone, or maybe just when the person that was bothering her wasn't in the car anymore. 

“How’s Ames?” Tanner asks from the front seat. Hope was a little startled by his voice, just because she wasn’t sure that he was listening in on the conversation between her and Annabelle. 

“She’s good. I think she’s going to tag along with us when we go to the movies this weekend.” Hope says, shifting her body so she was now facing forward instead of leaning in close to Annabelle so she can talk to the whole car. 

“Oh shit cool. She always brings the most banging snacks.” Theo says cheerfully from his seat next to Hope. “Can I sit next to her?” 

“Why?” Hope says slightly surprised by his question. 

“Duh, so I can share her snacks.” Theo reasons. “I can sit on one side and of course, Hope can sit on the other. Don’t worry I won’t hog your girl.” 

“We don’t want her to feel uncomfortable, O. I'll sit next to her. Sorry.” Annabelle says sympathetically. “It’s not because we think she’ll feel weird around you, don’t worry dude. It’s just because she doesn’t know you really well yet.” 

“No no, I totally get it.” He reassures her. 

Hope loved Theo but she got it. He could be a bit much right off the bat. He was one of the most loveable and respectful people she knew but at times he could rub someone the wrong way unintentionally. It usually just took time, because people who really knew Theo understood that his off-putting remarks, were out of love. He just wasn’t the best at conveying that, especially when it came to new people. 

Annabelle, at times, could definitely come off as a bitch, but the reality is if you are lucky enough to really get to know her you’d be surprised to know she was one loyal person. She was a girl's girl, even if the rumors that spread through the halls of Crocket said otherwise. She’d always had a soft spot for Amy. It wasn’t until Hope had confessed her feelings to Annabelle that she had fully figured it out that she did. 

“Come on dude, just tell me what’s going on.” Annabelle pleads as she follows Hope to her room. 

Hope rolls her eyes and finds a comfortable spot on the floor of her bedroom. It had been eating her up for months, until today apparently because it had just become all too clear that Amy was no longer a free agent. Her eyes were set on a skater girl who was very much not Hope. 

Admittedly, Hope had her suspicions beforehand. With all of Amy’s questionable looks at Ryan and the way, she would uncontrollably stutter when anything that had to do with Ryan would be mentioned around the redhead. But the real kick to the gut was when Hope was sitting in one of Crocket's disgusting bathroom stalls with her feet up on the seat as a way to help disguise the fact that she was clearly smoking. 

When two familiar voices filter in, all Hope could do was try to hold her breath so they couldn’t hear her, she just couldn’t get herself to get up and leave. Maybe it was an invasion of privacy but something in her had possessed her to stay put. 

“Come on Amy, did you see the way she looked at you in AP Bio today? She even asked you if you could partner up on the next lab together.” Molly’s voice is bubbly, which to Hope could only mean one thing. 

“Come on Molly. She’s way out of my league. Do you even know if she likes girls?” Amy’s reply is weak, but her question was still very much valid. 

“Amy. For god sake, Ryan is totally into girls. She’s the literal definition of your standard lesbian.” 

Up until then, Hope could only speculate. But now, there was no denying Amy’s crush on Ryan. It stung more than it should have because Hope had never even had as much of a full-fledged conversation with Amy. It was stupid for her to think that the two of them could be something when they barely knew each other other than the stereotypes that were given out by other people. 

It was probably because through Hope’s eyes she’d been seeking out Amy for far longer than Amy had Ryan. But it wasn’t right to get upset about something that didn’t even happen. 

So yeah Hope was pretty beat up by that. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, Belle. So drop it.” Hope is defensive in the way she speaks, more than usual because the shit she’s been keeping away from her very best friend was something vulnerable. Way more vulnerable than she was used to. 

Hope wasn’t good at being vulnerable. That was pretty obvious though, right?

“You know I’m not going to let this go. This is really bothering you. So please tell me. I’m not going to be a bitch and judge you, you know that already. I’m all ears.” Annabelle’s words were nothing but truthful because Annabelle was Annabelle and she had never once during the duration of their friendship judged Hope. She sits next to Hope and leans her head on the brunette's shoulder. 

“Fine,” Hope sputters out. “You have to promise me not to judge me. Like, swear by it.” 

“I swear.”

So she tells her. Hope’s surprised when Annabelle only shoots her a smile and a soft giggle. 

“Oh god Hope. That was it?” Annabelle questions. Hope looks at her with frowned eyebrows. “I’ve known for months. You're not subtle at all. Amy’s a real catch so I totally get it though.”        

“Shut up. You did not know.” Hope deadpans. 

“I did. What would I be if I didn’t? A shitty best friend that's for sure.”

“Oh, how did you, then?” Hope’s tone is serious like she still doesn’t believe her. 

Annabelle gives her a look that says it all. “Hope you’ve hooked up with guys and even girls and claimed that you gave a shit about them. Like shit did I believe it. Until Amy entered your little world. God, you treated her like little boys treat their crushes in like elementary and middle school. They always picked on and made fun of the girls they liked. It was the same thing with you, except it was Amy.” 

“That’s not true.” She defends, still supporting her original argument. 

“Bullshit.” Annabelle sighs. “I see it on your face. It’s like getting Amy’s attention no matter if it’s good or bad is such a weird turn-on for you.” 

“Is not.” 

“Is too.” 

“It’s not but whatever.” Hope groans. “Was it that obvious?”

Annabelle nods. “What made you finally grow some balls and tell me?” 

“She likes Ryan,” Hope says, her shoulders sinking a little as she spoke. 

“Shit, that’s tough. But you know she’s like fucking Nick, right?” Annabelle adds. 

Hope snaps her head up so fast that it causes Annabelle to move her head off of her shoulder. “That can’t be right.” 

“It is. They aren’t, like, gross and all up in your face about it but I totally saw them feeling each other up at Theo’s party. They might be low-key around us but trust me they are.” 

“Okay, so that’s good news I guess.” Hope tries to make it seem like this bombshell of news didn’t get to her but Annabelle just chuckles and wraps a hand around Hope. 

“Man up and get Antsler down your pants.” She teases, elbowing her in the stomach playfully. 

“Shut up, you’re such a fucking weirdo. Sometimes I can’t believe we’re friends.” 

“Well, we are, so sucks to suck. My new mission is to get you some puss-“ 

“Nope.” Hope cuts off, but smiles after the fact. 

“I know you want hers though.” 

“Fine, maybe I do. Shut the fuck up.” 

“But no really, Hope. She’s good for you. I just know it.” Annabelle’s words had an impact on Hope that neither one of them had ever expected. 

“It’s your first real fight,” Annabelle says as she lays with Hope on Theo's couch in the basement. It smelt of weed and guys bo but it was the only place they could crash at the moment and get away with acting like complete slobs.

They were usually lounging around talking shit about Annabelle’s shitty boyfriends. This was new to be here for Hope's relationship problems. 

They’d been on the couch talking through Hope’s first real fight with Amy for a few hours and had gone through a couple of joints and a good amount of alcohol by now. 

“Sure okay fine but I shouldn’t be getting high and wasted over this type of shit. At least this soon.” Hope groans, and her head falls back dramatically as she lets it fall against the back of the couch. 

“You know how many guys I've done this shit for. Most of them I definitely shouldn’t have. Those assholes didn’t deserve it.” Annabelle offers. “You and Amy are like the real deal or something. I think you guys have one of the most stable relationships in all of Crocket right now. So yeah a fight is probably going to fuck you up for a second.” 

“She was right though I haven’t been able to be as emotionally available as she has.” Hope grumbles. “She’s just so good at it. She’s been nothing but an open book for me, Belle.” 

“Both of you have a point. I know how hard it can be to be with someone who is either not ready or isn’t able to let themself be hundred percent open with the person they are dating. But I also know how hard it can be to the person on the receiving end of this.”  

“All I got from that was that both of us have valid reasons to be upset,” Hope says, “I don’t like being mad at her. Because I’m not. I don’t think I can ever fully get mad at Amy.” 

“It sounds like the two of you just need a good old fashion talk.” Tanner hums from his spot on the ground, his eyes still fixed on the racing game he was playing, Theo right next to him snacking on a bowl of chips.

“Thanks, Tanner. Great advice, I don’t think I would have ever thought of that on my own.” Hope says sarcastically. 

“I’m trying to help Hope. That’s what friends are for.” Tanner nudges Theo next to him. “Right?” 

“Yeah, totally man. Bros before hoes.” Theo adds, not really aware of how the word choice might have not been the best to use in this situation. 

“I think what Theo is trying to say is that when you talk to her don’t just let what she says to go through one ear out the other.” Tanner continues, in an attempt to save Theo’s failed ‘pick me up.’ “Listen to what she has to say. Like really listen. That usually helps with the yelling. Because most of the time when people fight what they’re really doing is trying to win or end up on top. There’s no listening or compromises otherwise. It’s just really shitty I guess. fighting in general.”  

Hope looks at Tanner like she’s just seen a ghost. Had Tanner been hit in the back of the head with a brick and suddenly become ten times more mature. Or had he always been this insightful and Hope just hadn’t opened her eyes enough to see it? 

“Tanman, here it got some words of true wisdom.” Theo pats Tanner on the back a few times. “I’m so proud to call him my friend.” 

“Listen to him. He’s right. Don’t ask me how he is. Just talk to her.” Annabelle shrugs. 

Hope listens and files the advice away to use the next time she sees Amy.

Molly is sat perched up at one end of Amy’s top bunk, and Amy’s on the other end with her head flopped back against the set of pillows behind her.

“I know what you're going to say,” Amy starts. 

“What is it that you think I’m going to say?” Molly asks, actually curious as to what it is Amy so confidently thinks she knows what she’s going to say.

“That Hope isn’t good for me and I deserve way better than her. Or something along those lines.” Molly quirks her eyebrows up at this. 

“Do you really think I hate Hope that much?” She asks, but before Amy can respond she speaks again. “Because I don’t. Amy, she’s good for you. And maybe it’s always been hard for Hope to be emotionally there for someone. Because Ames you have to remember not everyone is good at the time of stuff. And something tells me that she’s trying to be.” 

Amy was at a loss of words because she never thought she’d see the day when Molly would ever make a case for Hope. It felt unreal that she would even begin to defend someone Molly herself was still trying to figure out as a person completely. 

“Hope is someone I don’t think I fully understand yet. Sure she can be harsh and have a little bite in her when talking to her. But do I think she’s a bad person? No. I think she’s kind of grown on me. I see the way she looks at you. I can’t even be mad with how good she treats you, Ames.” 

“I think she’s better for you than Ryan would have ever been.” She adds and Amy feels her heart swell in her chest. 

“That’s new. I mean I’m glad but why the sudden change of heart?” Amy asks honestly. 

“Because I see how happy she makes you. I genuinely think she’s good for you.” If Molly’s lying then she’s damn good at it. “Just for the record, this is probably the only time I’ll ever say any of this.” 

There it was. This was still the Molly she was so used to. With all the sudden switch up in Molly’s views of Amy’s girlfriend, it was actually somewhat relieving to know that Molly was still her unfiltered self. 

“So you think will get over this?”

“Definitely. Couples fight and you either work past your issues and move on or you don’t.” Molly insists. “If I’ve learned anything from your relationship with Hope it’s that you two are both mature enough to figure this out.” 

Amy’s face lights up and she practically throws herself to the other side of the bunk and engulfs Molly in a hug. 

“I think you just might be right,” Amy whispers into her best friend's ear. 

“All I want is for you to feel like you can tell me anything. Because I feel like I can with you. I don’t want you to ever think that I’ll ever think your feelings are invalid. They aren’t, they will always be valid.” Amy’s got her knees tucked up against her chest, her arms wrapped around them as she sat across from Hope. “I need you to know that.”

They were sitting in Amy’s room on the floor. Hope's fingers dug into her palms. It stung like a bitch but, as it turns out it was always something Hope did when something overwhelming was happening to her. This was the first time in their entire relationship that she has let herself be an open book. And it scared the shit out of her. Hope wanted this so badly. She really did. It’s just because of the walls she had created when she was little in the effort to keep herself safe from the pain of mistrust, that this type of thing had always been so hard. This was not easy. But when it came to Amy she was willing to try anything to help their relationship thrive. 

She nods. “I’m just not good at this. I’ve never really been. But I want to for you and-” She gestures between the two of them by using her pointer finger and wagging it back and forth. “Us.”

Hope flashes across Amy’s features. “I want that too.” Her face is soft and inviting.  

Hope’s expression is now shy and a cute smirk now plays on her lips. She leans forward to cup Amy’s cheeks with her hands. It's such a mundane gesture that it's almost weird how intimate it feels. Amy thinks these are probably her favorite type of moments. Hope at her most vulnerable state. She decides this as she leans into Hope’s touch.

“I’m tired of putting these walls up. It’s almost like my own little defense mechanism” Hope sighs. “I guess it’s just a way to keep myself safe from getting hurt.” It’s almost too quiet to hear. Her eyes hold this innocence. Amy thinks it reminds her of the young impressionable child version of Hope she had met on the playground. “It was all great in dainty when I didn’t really fully understand what romantic feelings were. But it has become clear that it isn’t going to slide if I want my love life to be left intact.” 

“I hate to tell you but this communication thing is probably going to keep coming up. It’s just how relationships,” she corrects herself. “Healthy relationships work.” 

“I’ve never been with someone where this type of thing mattered all that much.” Hope reveals, “It actually feels good that it does. Because I want it to. It makes me feel wanted.” 

“You’re one of my favorite people in the world so I just want you to feel like you can tell me anything. I don’t want you holding anything back that doesn’t need to be held back.” 

“Am I now?” Hope smiles, taking one hand off of Amy’s cheek and running a hand through her auburn hair. 

“Duh. You’re my girlfriend, it would be kind of weird if I didn’t consider you one of my favorite people, wouldn’t it be?” 

“You’re definitely one of mine too.” 

Amy hums and leans forward to rest her forehead against Hope’s. Fights like this weren’t often after this, because true to the girls' word, things were never left bottled inside. Where they could begin to eat up at the trust they had gained from this talk. 

But instead way beyond their reach at the time, there were distant beginnings of uncertainty. But that was much, much later.

The LA scorching sun was just behind the mountains as Amy and Hope walked up hand and hand to the front door of some rich jock’s humongous mansion. Molly and Annabelle walked side by side a few feet behind them. When it came to Amy and Hope they were completely oblivious to the bubble they had created. One that consisted of the two of them, and only them. Which had become bigger and bigger as of recently. 

Annabelle thinks it's because they had finally fucked.

But that’s beside the point. 

The point was, with Hope and Amy becoming more and more infatuated with each other, or with how Annabelle liked to put it. Hopeless Lesbians just being Hopeless Lesbians. Annabelle and Molly, by default, had to familiarize themselves with each other a lot more than they would have otherwise.

“I think it’s kind of getting a little out of hand,” Molly says, leaning in so that it was only Annabelle that could hear her. 

“Relax, when you find your Mr. Molly Davidson you’ll understand them.” 

Molly looks at her dismissively. “I’m not the type of person to let my relationships get in the way of my goals.”    

“Well, then you’ve never been in love. Because trust me it’ll happen.” 

“Yeah, whatever.” Molly rolls her eyes as they follow the two lovebirds into the house. 

Hope’s got an arm protectively around her girlfriend, throwing dirty glances at the drunk douches that even dare to throw something as little as a slight glance over at them weirdly. A guy breezes by the couple, his eyes clearly checking Hope out. 

Hope’s too busy giving anyone in the near vicinity her signature death glare that she doesn’t see this exchange. Amy does though and tightens her grip on the taller girl. 

Hope feels the grip change and looks at her. “Everything okay?” 

“That guy just checked you out,” her voice is laced with jealousy. 

Hope smiles to herself. She’s found that she quite likes when Amy gets this way. All possessive over Hope. It’s the most Hope’s seen Amy let her emotions control the way she interacts with people, let’s say in not such a friendly way. Hope likes to think Amy was hers and Hope was Amy’s. Fuck it, she knows it's cheesy but she could care less when it came to her little nerdy girlfriend.

“That dick with the teenage boy going through puberty beard?” Hope asks, wanting to elicit a very specific response from Amy. Hoping it would make Amy seem like the badass girl Hope’s grown to love so much. 

Amy stays quiet but it’s clear she’s holding back from the ever-growing grimace on her face. 

“He was definitely not checking me out, Ames. I promise.” Hope continues. She can tell by just the look on Amy’s face that she was in fact; jealous. It didn’t happen often but when it did. Oh, how Hope enjoyed it.  

“He definitely was,” Amy mumbles under her breath. “He looks like one of those fucking frat boys.” 

“Sounds like someone’s jealous.” Hope jokes, her lips coming down right beside Amy’s ear. “It's okay. It’s kind of hot.” 

Amy’s face turns the brightest of red at Hope’s words. She bites her lips and keeps her mouth shut for the time being. 

The party was much to be expected from what usually unraveled at Crockett High parties. People were scattered throughout the kitchen and living room. From the looks over it, from their spot by the front entrance, there was a beer bong game happening in the backyard. The usual half-naked half-wasted suspects were in the pool. 

Along the way, Annabelle and Molly had parted ways. If Amy and Hope weren’t around to keep them forcefully together the girls were most definitely not hanging around each other much less the same people. 

Molly, as it turns out, didn’t have many friends outside of Amy. It only really became apparent to her after Hope and Amy started dating. Molly was then forced to look elsewhere for people that she tolerated enough to stand around for long periods of time and have an actual conversation with. Oddly and embarrassingly enough, at least to her, was her strange liking of Jared. 

Let Molly make this clear. Not romantically. She repeats not romantically.

He was a good dude to hang around, if you got past all the over-the-top people-pleasing act, he really was just a normal dude. He made Molly laugh and Gigi had made enough oddball appearances when Molly and Jared had been with one another that Molly could also call Gigi a friend. 

Annabelle was just Amy’s girlfriend's friend. That’s it, right?

“Molls, how’s my favorite student president doing?” Jared says overjoyed, snaking the hand not holding a red solo cup around the girl. “Some of my buddies from robotics are playing drinking games. You want to join?” 

‘ Of course not’ Molly wanted to say. Though now that the two of them are friends she knew she couldn’t do that. So she tries to find anyone she knows well enough to cling to as an excuse to get out of Jared's offer. 

It’s a long shot but she finds Annabelle across the room. She’s got her arms slung over Tanner’s shoulder and a dopey smile on her face, she’s listening to something Theo’s saying. 

Annabelle senses the eyes on her and looks at Molly with a puzzled look. Which quickly turns into one of annoyance. ‘Help me!'’ She mouths. Holding her breath, she waits with baited hope that Annabelle understands and feels generous enough to help a girl out. 

Once Annabelle’s face turns from annoyance to understanding, then quickly softens, Molly lets a puff off-air out of her mouth. 

“Sorry Jar, but I promised Annabelle that I’d be her beer bong partner.” 

Jared looks at her, his brows shooting up in suspicion. “Am I hearing you right?”

“Yep.” She eyes Annabelle. He looks over to see Annabelle waving her over. 

Gigi tackles Jared from behind and starts going on and on about how the worlds going to end in the next twenty-four hours. Which leaves Jared too preoccupied to keep his conversation going with Molly, giving her the perfect opportunity to slip away from him. 

“Thank you.” Molly manages when she’s over to Annabelle and her friends. 

“This is a one-time thing, Davidson.” Annabelle is sure to make herself clear right away. 

“Okay.” 

Molly looks out of her element and Annabelle catches on to it right away. Feeling a little bit more in the ‘taking pity mood’ she grabs hold of Molly’s right arm and drags her through the crowds of drunk kids. Most of them are in more than compromising positions. With tongues and hands in places that wouldn’t be deemed appropriate for most. Annabelle knew Molly would at least be a bit thankful for her presence.

Annabelle finds a quiet place near the deep end of the pool. The music is far away enough that it comes out muffled from where they were. Annabelle dangles her feet over the edge of the water as they sit down and Molly chooses to sit crisscross applesauce next to her. 

The silence might not be unsettling but it’s not the easiest thing to work with. Neither one of them was used to this type of quiet. While Hope and Amy found comfort in their silences, it just wasn't ever going to translate into Molly and Annabelle’s language.  

“It must be hard.” Annabelle finally says. 

“What?” Molly asks, her eyes watching the party-goers swimming on the other side of the pool. Sometimes she wants to be able to let go and be as free as them. She wonders what it's like to live her life that way. 

“I guess it must be hard to have your Amy time cut in half now that she’s with Hope.” 

Molly shrugs. “It is. But I’ll never tell her. It’s selfish to even think about it that way.” Molly admits, her eyes still firmly fixed away from the girl sitting next to her.      

“It sucks, I know because Hope’s kind of what Amy is to you, but to me. Sure I have Theo and Tanner but it’s nothing like having Hope around. It probably doesn’t really seem like it much at school but we’ve been each other’s number one just as long as you and Amy have to each other.” 

“So what do you do when Hope’s life suddenly revolves around Amy instead of you?” It sounds more selfish than Molly wanted it to. But it was the truth. It was the way she felt Amy’s and Hope’s relationship had become. 

“You suck it up and find other people to hang out with. Even if they aren’t your number one pick.” She offers. “I’m in the same boat as you Molly. So maybe we could try to figure this out together?” 

It was said almost casually because when it came to Annabelle, she could make almost anything said that way. Even though what Annabelle was asking was big. Only a few months ago the two girls wouldn’t be caught within ten feet of each other unless they had to. 

But Annabelle seemed to be genuine, while it being, a blunt no bs type of person. Molly decides it might just be alright to take her up on her offer. 

“Sure.” 

Across the pool, Hope is grabbing her girlfriend a drink. She had stopped to chat with Tanner about what would be good for someone who wasn’t a big drinker, which somehow got her carried away. Before she knows it, three songs had played through the shitty speakers when she finally excuses herself away from him. 

Amy was nowhere to be found outside, so Hope ventured inside, she quickly regrets it when her nostrils are filled with the strong odor of weed and sweat. Putting aside the unpleasant flumes, Hope instead groans and isn’t afraid to push through her drunk classmates to find her girlfriend. 

Her eyes darken when she finally spots her. A stocky man is towering over her in the corner of one of the many living rooms of the freakishly large mansion. He looks too out of it to realize that Amy isn’t into his garbage advances, that she’s actually doing the opposite. Everything in her body language is trying to tell him to leave her alone. 

Once Hope assesses that her girlfriend is not in any immediate danger, she wants to stand back and watch for a second. Wants to see what this dick will pull on her innocent girlfriend who, even though she’ll never admit it, is just too nice to say no. 

He leans over into the wall to keep his balance. What a fucking loser Hope thinks. She knows for a fact that he doesn’t know his left from his right. It was so fucking pathetic to watch a drunk ass, that’s way too full of himself, slip so low to get what he so desperately wants. 

Hope’s finally had enough when he starts to move closer into Amy’s personal space. She’s behind the drunk idiot within seconds. 

“So you got a boyfriend or something?” He slurs, Hope can smell his breath, it reeked of white claw mixed with vodka. 

“No, but her girlfriends’ right behind you.” Hope’s voice is low with a hint of malice in it. 

He laughs and turns on his heel, it’s not whatsoever smooth or anything resembling that. It’s so embarrassing he almost trips over his own feet as he’s faced with Hope. 

“You don’t look like a boy.” He gives her a once-over and laughs again. This one irritates Hope even more than the last. Hope sees the gears finally starting to turn within his hollow head. He puts two and two together and a bewildered look now replaces the lopsided grin. “Shit you guys are like together together?” 

Hope nods afraid if she opens her mouth something far worse would come out. She’s now standing right in front of the frat boy. Once closer she can finally see what the boy really looks like. He’s got blue eyes. There red and puffy and his stench was even worse now that she was face to face with him. His name’s probably something stupid like Wyatt or Josh. The real cherry on top was the douchy baseball cap that he wore backward on his head, covering his brown curls. It reads Bass Pro Shops. Typical. 

“That's so cool dude. Like really cool.” He says. His once-threatening grin seemed to change. Or maybe it was just the way Hope had convinced herself of seeing it. Like she almost assumed he was some prick trying to get down Amy’s pants. “My best friend Mickey’s gay. My sister’s got a girlfriend. Love is love. Right? Love sees no boundaries and shit.” 

Hope and Amy share a look of surprise. Both of them smiled at how the once threatening frat boy had become such a funny goof. 

“Yeah, that’s right,” Amy says from her spot next to the boy.

“Oh, my god. This is great. I’m so happy for you two.” He smiles, it’s wide and contagious. “I’m Josh by the way.” 

His face drops for a second. “Shit I’m so sorry I even tried anything on you.” He grabs both sides of his head dramatically. “I’m such a fucking bitch.” 

“You’re off the hook for this one bud. But protip for next time. Probably shouldn’t go around trying shit on girls when you aren’t all there.” Hope says, taking hold of Amy’s hand, and squeezing it reassuringly. 

“Shit I’m sorry. Am I really that bad? I don't think I had that much to drink.” He apologizes. “It’s just when I see a pretty girl, probably more when I’m drunk I’m up in their face and all that shit. Just all the type of shit you’re not supposed to do. I get all high in mighty and shit.”  

“Okay, dude. That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about.” Hope reminds Josh. 

“Shut up idiot what the fuck are you thinking?” He tells himself. He was starting to spiral and Hope had no intentions of getting herself mixed up with some guy named Josh, who looked like a lost puppy trying to find his way home when she could and should be spending her time with her very lovely girlfriend. 

“Josh, why don't we find you one of your buddies? It’ll definitely help you out having someone you know around.” Amy says with her, at times too friendly smile. 

“Ames it’s okay, he’ll be fin-” Hope stops herself when Amy shakes her head. 

“Does that sound good?” Amy asks Josh. 

He nods and his blue eyes find Hope. “I’m sorry. Like really.” 

Hope swallows the jab itching to be let out and smiles slightly. “No, you’re good, dude.” 

“You’re girlfriends’ a keeper that’s for sure.” He says. “You’re really nice.” 

Amy just looks at him amused when a voice calls out.

“Josh, stop bothering these two lovely ladies.” 

When Hope turns around, her face turns two shades whiter. 

“Hope?” He asked, an awkward smile on his face. 

Amy looks over, becoming more and more confused as the seconds pass. He looks at Hope in a way that Amy doesn’t entirely understand at the moment. God did she wish she would have known the second he turned around to be met with her girlfriend's eyes. He was a good two inches taller than Josh, which was tall because Josh was already a lanky guy. If he towered over Amy, he sure as hell was taller than Hope. His eyes were bright green, like one of those guys you see in the movies. His hair was cut in a similar fashion as Josh’s. Short and clean. It was a shade lighter than Josh’s. As he moved closer the better Amy saw the boy’s features. Along with the dreamy eyes came perfect teeth and dimples. 

“Seth.” Hope breathed out, trying to keep her walls up, though Amy could tell it was harder than usual.   

“You two know each other?” Josh asks for both him and Amy. 

Hope squeezes her eyes shut and a groan leaves her mouth. Seth is more or less not fazed by the question. Definitely not as much as Hope was. It’s almost like Seth looks at Hope like there was this history between the two of them. Hope though isn’t as easy to read. 

The air was thick as the four of them stood in what was quite literally the most embarrassed Amy had ever seen Hope up to this point. 

“Hope I can’t believe you’re actually going out with him,” Annabelle says, her eyes hold a stern look that Hope pretends not to catch. 

They’re sitting in the quad, and Tanner and Theo are somewhere around skating and cracking immature jokes. Hope’s got her legs propped up against the bench directly in front of the girls and Annabelle’s playing footsie with her.   

“He’s nice Bell. I know he’s a little older than us but that doesn’t matter. We’re practically adults, right?” Hope shoots back, trying to convince her best friend that going out with someone older wasn’t as bad as people made it out to be. 

“We’re in high school, Hope. It would be a different story if we weren’t still considered minors. He doesn’t even know you’re only sixteen.” Annabelle sighs. Maybe she was right but Hope was never going to own up to her small-minded hormone-driven mindset.  

“Just let me try it out,” Hope says as if she was going to listen to what Annabelle had to say and skip out on their date. When both of them knew she wasn’t. “He’s a good guy.” 

“It’s one thing if he was like a junior or senior in high school,” Annabelle emphasizes the high school. “He’s a sophomore in college. Not only that but he thinks you’re a freshman at UC”  

Hope ignores her friend entirely. “You always go on and on about how an older man is what you need. Not the idiots you blow in your car.” 

“Hypothetically Hope.” Annabelle winced. 

Hope’s phone goes off, it’s sat in between the two girls on the bench. Annabelle grabs it, thinking it was just a Snapchat or text from one of their friends. Her stomach drops when she reads who it was from. 

never thought i’d be a UC guy. but i guess you proved me wrong. let’s link up again. 

“Hope?” Annabelle’s voice is suspicious. “I thought you said you were planning on meeting up with Seth.” 

“I am,” Hope says, still convinced she had Annabelle fooled. 

She grabs the phone out of the girl’s hands and it’s almost comical how fast her face turns from unbothered to guilty.  

“Please tell me you guys didn’t- at least.” 

Another text comes through. 

next time i want you on all fours 

Annabelle narrows her eyes. “God Hope what the fuck did you get yourself into?” 

“It’s none of your business who I fuck.” Is Hope’s excuse.  

“This isn’t something to argue with me about Hope,” Annabelle scoffs, “you don’t know what can come from something like this. You have absolutely no idea.” 

Hope doesn’t understand the weight of Annabelle’s words. She was young and naive, going through something she wasn’t even aware of at the time. This. What she did with guys. Much older than her. Was some type of coping mechanism. She was confused and scared of the feelings she held for other girls. It wasn’t normal. In her mind, it was wrong, more wrong than what she was doing with Seth.  

Girls liking girls was not okay. Not natural. Not what the world had taught Hope all throughout her adolescence. Guys, we’re handsome, and what was right. The older and more mature the better. 

Amy and Molly pass them, in their own little world. Hope hated the bubble the two nerds had formed all the way back in grade school. It was weak and meek. It was their own little pathetic way to shield themselves from the real world. 

Hope couldn’t stand it. Not one bit. 

It seems for a rare second that Amy’s head has left the bubble. She gives Hope a soft smile. Hope only looks at her weirdly. She wasn’t sure of it at the time, but Amy saw Hope for who she really was long before anyone else.    

“You need to understand why this isn’t right.” Annabelle continues to lecture her. “If not right now. Soon.” 

Hope nods, to calm Annabelle's nerves, of course. She didn’t have any interest in cutting off Seth. 

“I thought I’d never see you again. After everything.” Seth admits, his eyes searching Hope’s eyes like he knows that she’s always put her walls up. Just the way Amy knew she did. 

“I wasn’t planning on it,” Hope utters. Her scowl which usually rubbed people the wrong way was strangely only dismissed by him.  

“You were one wild card.” He settles forward, his eyes like daggers. It was off-putting for Amy. “I liked that about you. You know?” 

“Sure you did.” 

It’s like a hurricane that Amy isn’t able to keep up with. She can’t put the pieces together yet. She was in high school and madly in love with Hope and didn’t realize the importance of this conversation. Up to this point, Seth and Hope had left it too vague for Amy to pick up on. 

Josh was still too out of it to fully wrap around the exchange between the two of them either. He instead had his head up against the wall behind them. Humming mindlessly not a care in the world. 

“I liked the way you were with me. Not just the sex. How you cared for me in this specific way. Other girls got a quick fuck and handjob and were off to the next college man whore. I see you aren’t seeing anyone right now. We were good and you're the one who ruined what we had.”

Hope pushes Seth, anger now seething out of her in the form of shoving. Amy was at a loss for words. The guy, Seth, looked like he was almost out of college. She felt like throwing up. It was all too much. This triggered her flight or fight response. She was frozen to the ground. Her legs were now pinned down by invisible concrete. 

Hope’s now desperately trying to win a battle she knew Seth would never circa to. So when she speaks she knows she’s the one who’s going to lose more.“You.” She shudders, pushing at his jacket. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”  

“I’m not the bad guy Hope. I was the one who saw what we had as a relationship. I took you out. Got you fucking presents. And all you wanted was a quick fuck.” His words opened a hole in Amy’s heart. Was Hope really like this? A cold-hearted girl who broke people's hearts.

 At first, Amy was mad a Seth. The way he talked to Hope. His vulgar way of describing their time together. But now she felt for him. He wanted more. He pushed for more. And Hope was just there to hurt the boy who wanted that, regardless of the iffy age gap. Hope didn’t want him. She wanted his body. 

Hope now broken and bruised, looks at Seth, and sees everything wrong with her. She wanted to hurt him. Even if it hurt Amy too. Because Hope wasn’t a good person, not when it came to him. 

“Get over it, Seth. You weren’t the only guy I was fucking, okay?” 

It was a lie. But Hope wanted it to seem like the truth. Seth was a frat boy, sure that much was true. He wasn’t the best at being her boyfriend. But through all that, they'd been through she liked the label of having a boyfriend. What it meant to the world. Though he'd been unfaithful. He never admitted to it but it was obvious. But Hope brushed it off, making the excuse that all frat guys were like that. From the girls who messed around with the other guys in Seth's friend group, they'd made it seem as though what Hope had with him was special. Made the fact that he fucked other girls a mistake so little that it only deserved a slap on the wrist. Because what she'd heard about the rest of the guys was far worse. So she had convinced herself what she had was Seth was something to cherish.

God was she naive.

“What?” His voice quivers. He looked heartbroken.

That was rich coming from him.

“You heard me. Get over yourself.” With that Hope shoves Seth one last time and pushes her way to the front entrance.   

“You know I want more, right?” Seth says, from his side of the dorm bed. He’s in only his boxers and an arm wrapped around Hope. She’s got one of his hoodies, which was loosely covering her body.

She’s faced the other way, away from him so he can’t see the look on her face. She had been silently crying since he had pulled out of her. She wanted to like it, so much so, that she forced herself to take it. Seth was a boy with a rough exterior, but once he opened up. It was hard to not want what he wanted. He was good to her. Wasn’t rough or demanding in bed. He couldn’t see what his intimacy was doing to her. 

At least that's what she thought at the time.

Though later she'd learn he wasn't so perfect. But was led to believe what he was doing wasn't nearly as bad as it actually was, by people who experienced things that made them think what he was doing was nowhere near as bad as what Hope could have been going through.

When he was inside her it felt all types of wrong for Hope. But she was determined to keep this facade up and let it happen. She hated his facial hair. How it scratched up against her face as he moved inside her. Hated his big hands gripping at her body. Hated when he would finish. 

When it was finally over and the condom would be tossed into the waste paper basket. She would huddle close to him, always facing away, as to keep the pained expression away from him. She did like his warmth after the fact. The way his arms would wrap around her protectively. 

But that was it. 

“I don’t know Seth. With school and finals right around the corner.” Hope’s voice is strained but not enough for him to catch.     

“Just think about it, babygirl.” 

The pet name was similar to what would come of Hope and Amy’s relationship. But it was not the same. It couldn’t be. That would be all kinds of fucked up. She lets a yawn out, avoiding his question and that was the end of that. For the time being at least. 

Hope’s crying, like ugly crying, and her mascaras smeared all over her face. She can’t breathe. She deserved all of it. She was aimlessly walking around a bougie-ass neighborhood where she would never fit into. She aches. Every part of her body is trembling. She sure had hurt Seth. In more than enough ways. That was bad on its own.  

Amy’s face is forever etched into her memory. The pain and terror she saw flash over her girlfriend's face. She was a fucked up person who wrecked everything good in her life. It was all too good to be true. Hope knew that as time wore on and things began to fall into place. 

Hope’s family, loving Amy. Amy’s family loving her. It just wasn’t Hope’s style and it never had been. Letting Amy go was the first unselfish thing she had done in a very long time. Though it ripped every single part of Hope to shreds. She had it coming. Amy was never going to keep a girl so fucked up and helpless when it came to who Hope truly was. Amy deserved someone like Ryan. Anyone else at that point.   

Nothing about her name resembled her. Her name never felt right as it left the tip of her tongue. Hope was doomed right when the first really good thing found its way into the disaster that she called her life. Amy could do mountain tops better than Hope. 

She was cold and alone. This is what she was destined to be. Because Hope was nothing like what the name implies. 

“Hope?” 

Hope thinks she’s just delirious and keeps walking. 

“Hope please stop.” 

The voice was somewhat unfamiliar. Because of her muddled head, she wasn’t able to register who the voice belonged to. Still convinced that the voice was a figment of her imagination she shakes her head and trugs on. 

She stops in her tracks when a hand finds her arm. She swirls around on her feet and has to take a double-take.  

“Molly?”

Chapter Text

Molly’s eyes are glazed over, dry tears are plastered to her cheeks as if she had heard what Hope had done. How she had hurt Amy. Breaking the one and most important rule that Molly had established when Amy finally told her that she was with Hope. 

Hope couldn’t even try to defend herself. This was her fault. All of it. Every last stab to the gut was Hope’s words. She should have known this was going to happen eventually. But maybe the reason she didn’t go running the minute things got more heated was because of how fast and blindly she fell for Amy. 

“I asked for one thing, Hope.” Molly was just as shattered as Amy. Hope could see it in her eyes. Hope had betrayed Molly’s trust. It was a privilege to have it in the first place. Molly was more than happy to make that explicitly clear.  

Molly’s got Hope cornered in the quad. She’d made sure that nobody would be around when she had her little run-in with Amy’s new girlfriend. Hope doesn’t look all too threatened by the class president. Who was far too afraid to do any real damage to Hope. Because if there is one thing Molly swore by, was her loyalty to the school rules and guidelines. She would never be caught in a position where she’s the one who goes down. If she was, and Hope was attached to the charge, as Molly saw it, Amy would not be too happy to learn about the developments between the two girls.  

“So you’re the girl who Amy’s been hiding away.” Molly starts, eager for the conversation to be one-sided. This was for Molly to talk and for Hope to listen. 

When Hope opens her mouth to speak Molly’s finger is to her lips faster than either one of them had expected previously. “You’re going to listen. Don’t even think about opening your mouth again until I say you can.”  

“Don’t get too full of yourself.” She continues. “But I do truly believe you’re good for Amy.”  

Hope’s smug. Molly can see it right as the words leave her mouth. Molly didn’t have time to bicker with the taller girl. She needed to be the bigger person because she felt obligated to get her point across. Loud and Clear. 

“That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to set some ground rules.” Of course, Molly would be the type of person to pull this shit. Hope just went with it. “If you dare hurt her I will have no choice but to hurt you more. I’m serious, Hope.” 

“Yeah yeah. I got it.” Hope didn’t think much of it at the time.

“What the fuck was that?” Molly asks, more hurt in her eyes than Hope would have expected. Hope had always believed that if she happened to fuck up this bad Molly would be a fireball of rage. It honestly hurt more that Molly hadn’t chosen an aggressive approach. Because then Hope would have gotten what she truly deserved. Could have hidden behind the rage of Molly’s words. 

“I’m fucked up Molly. You were right. I hurt Amy, you hurt me more.” Hope’s defeated. 

“What you said, implied, was really fucked up. If it’s true. How you treated Seth. Then trust me, I’ll make sure you’ll never step within five feet of Amy again.” Molly warns. “How you played with his feelings fucked other guys. Then I will sure as hell hurt you. I can’t have Amy dating a girl like you. You’re more than bad news then.” 

She pauses, trying to catch her breath. Like her whole spiel had taken a significant amount of brainpower. “But for Amy’s sake, I want it not to be true. I’ve never been one to believe in faith or hope but I guess a part of me wants to believe you aren’t capable of something like that.” Molly says. “So tell me. All of it. I’ve got all the time in the world.” 

“Seth wasn’t the kindest guy,” Hope utters. “He had all this power that neither one of us really understood at the time. He wanted things I didn’t. I told him no. It was always reluctant. When he did finally back down and stop.” She sighs. “That is. Maybe he didn’t know it at the time what we were doing just wasn’t. Healthy. I guess I didn’t either.” 

Molly seems to let what Hope’s saying play out on its own. She felt no need to add anything to her words. She wanted to listen. 

“We weren’t good for each other. He fucked girls behind my back. People told me that I was lucky to be the official girlfriend of a guy who seemed so squeaky clean compared to his buds. So I went with it. I was so new to all of the relationship scene that I actually ran with their words and kept seeing him. But like most things when I broke it off because I couldn’t play the facade of being with a man who fucked whoever he wanted when he wanted, he found a way to spin the narrative. Making me look like the bad guy. Believe we were both at fault but he did some pretty shitty things, Molly." It's quiet as Hope gathers her words once again. "I hid what I really wanted. Because I just wasn't ready to accept it.” 

“Which was what?” Molly asks her tone so genuine it calmed Hope’s nerves slightly.  

“That no matter how much I thought I could trick myself into wanting him. Or any guy in fact. It was never going to work.” Hope admits. “I promise I didn’t go into it trying to hide or to turn myself straight, and definitely not to rewire my brain. When I met him I was convinced I liked him. Truly convinced.” 

“So why’d you say you slept with other people then?” She asked. “If he was the one who fucked other people.”

“We were constantly on in off. He'd be with girls. More than I could count. Out of spite and maybe a little bit of what I knew I always wanted but never let come real, slipped through. During one of the breaks we had. ” Hope’s on the verge of tears again. "I hooked up with someone. It was the first time I'd ever actually liked being with someone. And it was a girl." 

“I’m sorry Hope.” In an unexpected act of gratitude from Molly, she leans forward to pull Hope into a hug. “You don’t have to hide Hope. You have me on your side. And a girlfriend who would never judge you for your past with a guy who deserves to get his nuts kicked so hard he’d be crying on the floor for hours.” Hope starts to sob. "You didn't do anything wrong. You were on a break. Don't beat yourself up about something that wasn't wrong." 

“You're not such a prude Davidson.” She sniffs. 

Molly laughs. “If anything Amy would go after that idiot and make sure he gets what he deserves.” 

It’s silent after that besides the cries of Hope. She clenches her hands around Molly’s arms and lets everything out. All the past resentment towards Seth. The pain she’d put herself through because it was just too hard to accept she wasn’t straight. The anger she harbored towards everybody else in the world but the person who really deserved it out in the form of her tears. 

She failed to mention a crucial part of their messy relationship. 

Amy wasn’t sure what to think or believe. It was all still all too fresh. It didn’t help Molly wasn’t anywhere to be found. Overwhelmed and with nowhere else to turn Amy had locked herself in a spare bedroom. She wanted to believe Hope’s words weren’t true. It was hard for her to even imagine Hope doing the things she claimed she did. Everything ached, and all she wanted was for it to stop. 

A soft knock followed by a friendly voice comes from the other side of the door. “Hey, Amy are you in there? It’s me, Annabelle.” Amy hears Annabelle shift closer to the door. “You in there?”

“Yes,” Amy mumbled back pathetically.

“I heard what happened, and I know it won’t mean much coming from me but I’m really sorry it was you.” “Hope.” She sighs. “Her past. There’s a lot she won’t even tell me. She’s not going to hear the end of it from me though because there is nothing to excuse her shitty-ass behavior.”

Silence grows between the two girls and Amy’s left feeling like she needs it to be filled. She didn’t know until she heard Annabelle’s voice how much the quiet was scaring her. “Can you keep talking? I know it’s kind of a weird request.” 

“Sure is there anything you want to talk about?” Annabelle asks. Amy hears a quick movement from her side. It sounded as if Annabelle had sat down. It was comforting for Amy to believe that. Having someone willing, whom Amy couldn’t even say she knew very well, sit there with her made her feel a little bit better. 

“Is it weird if you just talked and I listened?” Amy asks. It might be weird to most but this is what she and Molly would usually do with each other if either one of them was going through something shitty.  

“Yeah for sure I can make that work.”  

As Annabelle spoke Amy’s aching was sidelined in favor of something much better. Contrary to what many people believed, based on the girls degrading nickname, Annabelle was kind-hearted yet at times sarcastic. She carried herself high even when everyone else had made her out to be the complete opposite. 

Annabelle talks about the good times with Hope. How once when they were both thirteen and neither one of them knew well anything really, they snuck into Hope’s older brother’s room, Jackson, and dug through his stash of playboy magazines. Annabelle said she could tell right away that Hope liked boobs, all from the look on her face. 

“Did he catch you guys in his room?” Amy asks with a small smile on her face. 

Annabelle laughs at the memory. “Yeah, he was fucking pissed. Told us that if we wanted free porn we’d have to pay him. Called us thieves.”

Hope had told Annabelle later that Jackson had ironically stolen the magazines from his father. Hope and Annabelle teased him for months until he gave them a couple of magazines for their own looking purposes.

“Theo and Tanner then scarred us for life when they showed us the most, and when I mean the most graphic porn you could show innocent eyes. Believe me they did. We swore never to think about sex ever again after and slipped the magazines back in the mix of Jackson’s weird-ass collection.” 

She told Amy about how different Hope used to be before middle and high school took all the true pure happiness she used to hold in her smile. How much Hope reminded Annabelle of Amy before the new unappreciated gears started moving inside her head. Annabelle thinks it was just easier for her to give in to what people said about her. That she was a bitch who was too pretty for her own good. Too beautiful to have anything inside that brain.  

“Trust me, sometimes I wish she would just tell me things. Like how she used to because it scares me.” Annabelle admits. She’s now sitting against the wall, the hallway is vacant and the only two people still left upstairs were them.

“We’ve had this talk. Promised each other to never keep things from one another. So I’m just praying she kept Seth away from me for a good reason.” Amy shallows and leans back against the door separating her from Annabelle. 

“I haven’t seen Hope this happy for years, Amy. She wouldn’t keep something this big from you to hurt you. She’d never hurt you like that.” 

“Okay,” Amy says. “Enough about this, more about the happy shit. The weird stuff you guys did back before everything got all fucked up.” 

For Annabelle’s fifteen birthday, the guys wanted to throw her a rager. Neither Annabelle nor Hope had the heart to tell them that just weren’t in the mood for one. So they went along with it and partied. That night with Annabelle tucked away in her bed and Hope next to her. A note was set on the bedside table after Annabelle had drifted off to sleep. 

The next morning Annabelle read it and wrapped Hope up in a suffocating hug. Hope had put together a three-night hike for just the two of them. That was the Hope Annabelle loved so much. And missed more and more as they got older. Before both of them got sucked into the fucked up high school toxic culture stuff that everybody had always claimed to be above but secretly engulfed themselves in. 

“I know Hope’s that way with you though. I don’t think she knows it, and neither do you. But, you keep her from turning into the girl she was so close to becoming before you.” Annabelle says with conviction. “That Hope everyone at school saw had almost become the way she was with her actual friends.”

“She’s special. I know that but I can’t be the only person Hope’s like that with. It’s not healthy.” 

“She was getting better with us too. Finally letting herself be free with her friends again. I promise it just wasn’t you.” Annabelle wonders why it was Amy that did this for Hope and not her, maybe she was jealous that it couldn’t be her. 

She tells her about the night they had waited until Annabelle’s parents were in bed. Just to be safe the two fourteen-year-olds waited another hour and were even weary to go to the liquor cabinet after that. When they did finally sneak down the stairs and grabbed the bottles they decided were the coolest. They both almost threw up at just the taste of the liquor. 

“We weren’t pussies Amy.” 

They got wasted and both woke up the next morning, thinking they had gotten the flu. That was until Annabelle’s older sister barged in to steal something from her and found them on the floor rolling around. She had clarified that they were definitely not sick but had a nasty hangover. 

The stories filtering through the door gave Amy enough relief to open the door and beckon Annabelle in. Though there had been a door between the girls, Amy felt like there was at least one thing good to come out of that night. 

She pulls Annabelle into a hug and just lets herself exist in the moment. 

Hope closed the apartment door and the noise and commotion from outside ceased to exist. It felt surreal. After years of school and constantly migrating back and forth to one another's apartments and dorms, Amy and Hope had finally said fuck it and signed a lease together. Hope’s siblings had just said their goodbyes and Amy’s family a few hours before them. All of them moving and building furniture for the couple for the last few days. 

It had taken more than a few pairs of hands to get the apartment into something that was not only livable but also uniquely Hope and Amy’s. Will had helped Hope hang up all her photos most of the ones in the living area and kitchen were family. But scaling the wall it was much more apparent that this was Hope and Amy’s home. The photos were almost all shot on Hope’s camera. Hope had insisted on hanging up a photo of them for every year they’re been together. 

It was Amy who said they needed to go in chronological order. It was such an Amy thing to suggest and Hope loved it. The first photo that would be spotted when one walking down the hallway. Which was taken during their junior year of high school. They’re sitting in Theo’s basement sitting on one of his old worn-out leather couches. Annabelle’s the one behind the camera about ten feet away from the two of them. Hope’s laying horizontally with Amy in her lap wrapped in a blanket like a burrito. It was taken when neither one of them knew it and Hope was looking at Amy with all the love in the world in her eyes. Amy’s blushing and her head is turned slightly away from her. 

The photo right next to it aged the two slightly. Only a year but it was easy to tell both of them had matured quite a bit. It was taken at their senior prom. Amy’s looking at the camera while she leaned into Hope with a big dopey smile and her eyes are all squinting because of how hard she was smiling. Hope’s got an equally enthusiastic smile on her face and an arm wrapped around Amy. Annabelle had whispered to Hope after the photo was taken that this was the first picture she had looked genuinely happy in. Hope being Hope denied her best friend's claims of happiness. But she’d been lying straight through her teeth. 

Then came graduation. This photo had two additions to the usual suspects. All dressed up in their blue gowns and caps, stood not only Amy and Hope but Annabelle and Molly. Molly and Amy are looking at each other with looks on their faces that would be questionable to most because they would likely mistake those two of dating. When of course that was not the case in the slightest. It was just how the two best friends expressed their love for each other. Many didn’t understand it and would be threatened by the two girls' extreme relationship if they were Hope. But she wasn’t and that’s all that mattered. Annabelle’s got a friendly arm swung over Hope’s shoulder and Hope looks to be tolerating it enough to look like she might have actually liked it. 

Passing a couple of photos there was a noticeable new addition to the couple's photos. This new addition had four paws and the most adorable barks. 

Dunkin runs straight past the photos and jumps on Amy and Hope’s newly put-together bed. His tongue is out of his mouth and his little legs make use by crinkling the freshly washed bed sheets. Amy’s in the bathroom brushing her teeth and Hope’s in the closet pulling an oversized hoodie over her bare shoulders.

The couple's bedroom was mostly unpacked and personalized to each one of their likings. Hope’s got a variety of polaroids hung up on a bulletin board near the dresser, which was pushed up against the wall. Amy’s got her books organized on the bookshelf the girls had picked out a few weeks prior to finding the place. Trophies and awards are on display scattered around the room. 

Hope emerges from the walk-in closet, which was situated directly across the ensuite bedroom. She climbs into bed and Dunkin quickly greets her with a few licks to the face and a content face. He then makes himself comfortable curling up against the side of Hope. She grabs the eyeglass case from off the bedside table next to her and places her readers on the bridge of her nose.

She listens to Amy shuffle about in the bathroom while she does her nightly scroll through her instagram feed. Some minutes later Hope feels the bed dip slightly. Hope uses the hand holding her phone to press the off button with her thumb and finds her girlfriend next to her. 

Amy’s got her hair in a messy bun just the way Hope liked so much. Her glasses, like usual, are sat on top of her head instead of them resting on her face. 

“Hey bud, I’m afraid you're in my spot,” Amy says to the black lab nuzzled up against Hope. His ears perk up and his eyes find Amy. He seems to know it was his time to get up and let his owner claim her place in bed. She lays down where Dunkin was just occupying moments ago, the spot still warm from his fur. Getting comfortable Dunkin finds his place in between the two of them and places his head on Hope’s leg now tangled with Amy’s limbs. Hope tucks an arm around Amy while Amy, like a habit now, rests her head on the taller girl's chest. 

“Can you believe that this place is actually ours?” Hope asks, as her free hand starts to trace patterns on her girlfriend's skin. 

“Not really,” Amy reveals. “It feels nice to have you in my bed. Our bed. This is finally permanent for us. No more late-night decisions on sleeping at either one of our shitty rundown apartments.” 

“Now we have guaranteed time for ‘us’ time.” It’s said seductively. 

“Hope shh you don’t want to make Dunkin feel weird.” 

“Relax, he's fast asleep.” Sure enough, their puppy was snoring with his eyes shut tightly. “But no really it does feel good to have a bed to come back to after a three hour lecture or a shitty shift at the coffee shop and you’ll be in it.” 

Amy blushes at the thought of having Hope in bed for longer than a rushed night or two bouncing back and forth from bed to bed. Having the luxury of waking up each morning to Hope’s face. No more rushed mornings to get out the door or get decent enough that either one of their roommates would catch on to the girls' activities. Hope’s scent would be in the sheets long enough that it’s not washed away after a simple wash. 

“God do you remember when Maddy walked into us-” Hope stops when she sees Amy’s blush spread from her face to her shoulder blades. “When she walked in on us. I was on my knees so you saw her reaction before I did.” 

“Hope!” Amy spurts out. “I remember, okay? I also remember how awkward it was after the fact. You know how she is. She asked me if it was good and if I usually did the receiving or if we switched up.” 

“Well, did you tell her I’m usually on my back?” Hope asks her eyes, saying everything Amy suspected. Hope was trying to get a kick out of this. Amy found herself playing along as she always did. The truth was that this talk always got to her and Hope knew it. 

“No, I didn’t. But she sure as hell didn’t shut up about positions after that. Asked if we did all this weird kinky shit she does with her boyfriend.”   

“What type of kinky shit?” Hope asks shamelessly. 

“Uh-” Amy stutters. “I don’t know. I guess- dirty talk and roleplaying.” 

“You say it as if we don’t do both.” Hope watches as Amy rolls her eyes. She doesn’t deny Hope’s accusations, instead settling for a playful shove to Hope’s shoulder.

 “I know, I know, okay? It’s just weird talking about it.”

“It always surprises me how confident and assertive you are when I’m under you. But when I bring it up you turn into a stuttering mess.” 

“You know I’m weird like that.” 

Hope laughs into Amy’s hair. “That’s why I love you. You’re too cute for your own good.”

“I know,” Amy jokes and instead of a snappy comeback from her girlfriend, Hope only shakes her head and leans over for a kiss. 

Whimpering can be heard from the furball laying between the two girls. They pull apart to be met with Dunkin’s puppy dog eyes. 

“God, for a dog he sure asks like some kid wanting his parents.” Hope jokes. It was innocent, contradicting what lay ahead of the couple. The future would be a lot more of this but with actual kids. 

“Mom, wake up!” Justin yells happily as he rolls in his mom’s bed. Hope groans and opens her eyes, clearly not fully awake yet. Hope realizes Amy’s already up because Justin was now in the place she’d usually occupy. 

“Give me a few more minutes Justin.” Hope pleads, rolling over to try to escape her son. She had never been a morning person. It hadn’t changed even after having two kids. Who relentlessly tried to convert their mother into a morning person. Though never successful. Hope was grateful for her wife, who so happily took the morning shift parent role. 

“Not today. It’s Christmas so get up.” He cheers and rolls closer. Hope squeezes her eyes shut and ignores Justin’s attempts to get her up. 

“Hun you’re going to have to get up eventually.” Hope hears Amy say from somewhere within earshot.  

“Yeah mom, get up. We can’t open presents until everyone’s up.” Liv adds, jumping on the bed with more force than Justin. 

Hope huffs and buries herself further into the covers once more. Her kids only doubled down and continue to annoy their mom. Justin goes on about how big his presents looked under the tree. Liv was just as giddy, saying something about how excited she was to give Hope and Amy the presents she had gotten them. 

Eventually, someone appears next to her side of the bed. Lips were pressed against her neck. A few giggles come from Justin and Liv that were tangled in the bed with her. That seems to finally get Hope’s attention because she’s up within a few seconds. 

“Come on get up,” Amy says in a firm tone. It didn’t match the softness and tenderness that came from the kiss she had just gotten only moments ago. “Don’t make your kids wait any longer on Christmas day.” 

Hope rubs her eyes and smiles. “Okay let me get a cup of coffee first. Relax, it's only what 8 o'clock?” She leans in to press a morning peck onto her wifes lips. 

“Only 8?” Justin asks, his mouth agape. “Mom. Jackson and Wyatt both get to get up at 7 to open their presents. This is way too late. We’re wasting time as we speak.” 

“Do you think you’d be up right now if it wasn't Christmas?” Hope asks. 

“Probably.” 

Hope shakes her head. “No, you wouldn’t Justin. I would be the one getting you up to eat breakfast. You are never up this early unless it's Christmas, your birthday, or we're going on vacation.”

“Okay fine I get the point. Get out of bed so we can open presents.” Justin huffs and rolls out of his mother's bed. He’s down the hallway, calling for Liv to follow him. She cheerfully jogs to where her younger brother is waiting without hesitation. 

“You’ll never be a morning person. Will ya?” Amy jokes as she gives Hope her usual morning kiss. This one lasted longer since the kids weren’t in the bedroom with them anymore. Hope likes morning kisses. It was probably one of the only reasons she ever looked forward to getting up early in the morning during the holidays. 

“That’s what you're for.” Hope counters after they part. Amy rolls her eyes and leaves Hope before she can drag her wife back into bed. 

Hope’s a little bit less grumpy as she sips her morning cup of coffee. Amy is sitting next to her on the couch. Her head’s resting on Hope’s shoulder and their hands are securely intertwined with one another. They’re sharing a blanket as they watch their kids grab their first presents under the tree. 

Justin rips his wrapping paper off with little regard for the mess he's bound to be making. While Liv is careful and neatly places her trash in the trash bag sitting next to the two of them. 

“Sick! This is exactly what I wanted.” Justin smiles and examines the video games in his hands. There are three bundled together. 

“Gta 6?” He asks with his jaw slack. “How’d you get a copy? It just came out this week?”

Justin had been eating, breathing, sleeping, and talking about this game for months. So Hope went hunting online way before the game was set to be released. She’d learn this from her brothers. They’d always do this when they were kids. It might have burned a hole in her pocket but Amy doesn’t need to know that. 

It’s all worth it. Justin has the child innocent in his eyes as he flips over the case and reads the back. Amy mirrors her son's expression just from his reaction. 

“I know a few tricks from your uncles.” Hope reveals. 

“Thanks, mom!” Justin leaves his spot on the ground to barrel into his mother's arms. 

“You’re welcome.” Hope squeezes him, appreciating the joy and happiness that Christmas was still to him. He was only a few years away from letting go of his childhood innocence. The day Santa wasn’t quite special.

Liv was in the process of that. Though she still sported a wide smile and an eagerness to open her presents. She searches under the tree to find a present with her name on it. When she does, her eyes light up with joy. 

“A polaroid camera?” 

Both Amy and Hope nod in unison. As Liv got older and discovered more and more about herself she had fallen in love with photography. It was through one of her elective classes in school a couple of years back that it kind of just clicked. It was like as soon as she was handed a camera and told what to shoot, everything just came naturally. 

She’d taken after Hope.

Liv had grown up around camera’s as had Justin, but it was she who was gifted the same talent her mother had. From the dozens of scrapbooks filled with family photos (more than the average family would have) and dozens of more that Liv and Justin weren’t featured in. It was bound to be passed down to one of their kids. 

It was Amy who bought Liv the camera and knew she was going to be just like Hope. Liv quickly jumped to her feet and wrapped both of her moms into a hug. 

Gifts were exchanged and ripped open for the next few hours. Laughs and smiles were contagious throughout the lively house. Christmas music echoed throughout the halls as the last of the Christmas wrapping was stuffed into trash bags. Liv was at the dining room table trying to figure out all the settings on her polaroid. Even though it wasn't a big shot camera like her mom's it was a great start. Justin was in the living room burning holes into the tv with how hard he was staring at the screen. He was making his way through the campaign of GTA 6 with a smile on his face even if f-bombs and guns were heavily involved. Both Hope and Amy knew it and it wasn't like they grew up with anything less.

Amy and Hope were in the kitchen prepping the family brunch. It was nothing special. They’d had the same breakfast since Liv was born, the tradition actually started way before they had kids. Pancakes and hashbrowns. 

Amy yawned and rolls over to an empty bed. She huffs and wonder fills her head. It’s not like Hope to be up this early in the morning. All questions are put to the side when the strong smell of pancakes and hashbrowns makes its way toward her nose. She rubs the sleep out of her eyes and gets herself out of bed. 

As she stretches and walks down the hallway leading from her bedroom to the stairs she hears the tv on. The talk of Christmas on the tv makes her put two in two together. It was finally Christmas Day. More importantly her first Christmas Day with Hope in their new apartment. 

As she approaches the living room she’s surprised to hear multiple voices echoing through the house. 

“Amy!” Molly cheers and is by her side in a matter of seconds wrapping Amy up into a tight hug. 

“Molly, what are you doing here?” She grins wrapping her arms around her best friend and squeezing her waist tightly. 

“Your girlfriend invited us,” Molly explains, swaying the both of them side to side. 

 “Us?” Amy questions. 

“Hey, Amy.” Another familiar voice fills the air. 

“Belle!” Amy smiles and pulls away from her best friend's hug to engulf Annabelle in an equally tight hug. “It’s good to see you both.”

Hope stands back and smiles. “Morning Ames, I wanted to make our first Christmas in this place really feel like home.” Amy pulls back and makes a beeline toward her girlfriend. “Where's my morning kiss?”

Amy shakes her head and rolls her eyes as she stands on her tippy-toes, bringing up her hands to rest on either side of Hope's face and planting a soft kiss on her lips. “Morning. You're up early.” 

“Oh shut up. Enjoy the one day out of the year you’ll get to see me wake up this early.” Hope quips and leans down to give Amy one last peck. 

“Okay, lovebirds that’s enough. Get over here so we can open presents.” Molly demands. Hope and Amy look over and aren’t too surprised to see Molly with her hands on her hips standing in front of the Christmas tree waiting impatiently. 

Amy is quick to grab hold of her girlfriend's hand and find an open spot on the couch. Molly sits next to Amy and Annabelle by Hope. With Christmas music playing and the warm and familiar company of one another. It feels like a picture-perfect moment. It was especially special for Hope who hadn’t the most pleasant memories with the cheery season. 

She’d kept the past events away from Amy. She knew it wasn’t right, but Hope thought telling her would put a sour and unflattering spin on a day that should be filled with happiness and togetherness. 

So she puts on a smile and shoves the cruel memories in the back of her head. It wasn’t like Hope to let something in her past resurface. Today was no expectation. So instead she turns to her girlfriend and hands her a gift. It’s small with a bow tie wrapped around it. 

“Listen, Seth, I’m sorry. I know I’m an ass for doing this on Christmas day.” Hope’s in Seth’s jeep with her eyes glued to her feet. They’d just been at a frat party. Where Seth walked around with his hand loosely hung over Hope’s shoulder, a shiny smile on his face and big talk of being some type of stand-up guy with big plans. 

As Hope stood next to him silently she was barreling closer in closer to breaking. This wasn’t her. Seth didn’t make her insides fill with butterflies and cause a blush on her face when she would think of him as it should have. She’d been hiding for long enough. 

“You.” Seth looks over at her. He’d changed. Wanted Hope to be his plaything to show off at parties. When Hope knew he’d been fucking other girls. “You’re breaking up with me?” 

She doesn’t respond. 

“Well fuck, Hope. To think I was going to give you this.” He rummages through his coat pocket. Fishing out a small box wrapped in a bow. 

Hope steals a quick glance at the box as he opens it. There lies a silver necklace with both of their initials on it. Like it would repair all that was wrong with them.

“Seth you know this was coming.” She mumbles. Her eyes were firmly out the window now. 

“You’re throwing what we have out the window for what?” He groans, his voice lower than normal. He seems so certain with the next words he uses. “You know as well as I do that without me you’d have nothing. I’ve never met your friends.” He pauses. “Oh wait it’s because you don’t have any.” 

Hope was frozen too scared to do anything but hide her eyes. The fear that flogged them up. The racing of her heart was so consuming at this point. 

“You should be thanking me. I’m all you have. Nobody else is going to be there if you break up with me. You’ve always been pretty fucking weird Hope but I kept you around. Saw something in you that no one else did.”  

“You nothing about me Seth.” Her voice is little. 

“I’m pretty sure I do. You're some scared little girl. With nothing but me. I’ve done so much for you.” He says. “If you break it off you’re fucked. You’ll have nothing but a mid face and eh body.” His words are hurtful. They were so much worse than Hope had ever imagined them being when she called it quits with him. 

The space between them seems to shrink. Time slows. This is the most scared Hope had ever been in her life. “Uhh..” She stutters. 

“Go on tell me how much you’d been giving up if you break up with me.” He threatens. When she comes up short he chuckles. “That’s what I thought.” 

“I slept with someone.” The words come out shaky. 

His hand comes up so fast that Hope can’t react. It stings when it meets her cheek. “Oh, so you're a slut. That’s why you’re breaking up with me on Christmas day.” He was seething with rage. 

“I guess so Seth. I am.” She cries out finally turning towards him. “You happy?” She mocks. 

“Are you fucking kidding me, Hope? I never pegged you as a slut.” He shows little to no remorse as he watches a red handprint across her cheek. 

She’d never been violated that way. It was so fresh that she brushed it off and watched the boy she’d been with turn into a monster right in front of her. 

“You know how this will look, Hope. You’ll be painted as a slut desperate for dick. I’ll be the loyal boyfriend who stood by your side.” He snickers. 

“Well, then you’ll be happy to know it wasn’t a guy.” She smiles through the crumbling pain building up in her blood. 

“You're some type of dyke? Like for real?” He leans back to look her in the eyes. He saw right through her painted-on confidence. “I bet you were a lazy fuck. You always have been with me after all.” 

“Oh yeah well what if I said it wasn’t just once.” She fires back.

He looks utterly disgusted. “So you really are a fucking dyke.” Without warning, he is over the armrest and has his arms are around her neck in an instant.

“Hope baby, are you okay?” Amy asks from outside the bathroom. “You’ve just been in there for a long time.” 

Hope’s curled up in a ball in the bathtub crying into her hands so as to not be heard from outside of the four walls she’s confined herself in. It had been years and she’d kept it together for most of them. But she snapped today.

After she handed Amy the box with a promise ring inside of it. 

Hope had been so affected by what had happened with Seth that through a trauma response, she’d blocked out that memory. Not realizing how much the box, the bow, and the jewelry inside of it resembled what he had given her. She’d given it to her girlfriend without a second thought but when she opened it.

Everything came back like a flash flood. 

“Hope please open the door.” Amy pleads. Hope had been off since she’d given Amy the promise ring. It scared her. “Open the door Hope or I’ll find the emergency key and open it myself.” She warns. 

“Ames I’m fine just give me a second. Okay?” She tries to convince Amy that she was fine. Though knowing her girlfriend it wouldn't work. 

“No Hope. I’m coming in. Something's wrong.” Her voice was firm yet soft and comforting. 

Hope was far too stunned to move or say a word. She stays still her heart racing so fast she felt like she was going to pass out any second. Everything goes white for a brief second. 

From the other side of the door, Amy’s frantically fumbling with the tool that opens locked doors. She’d never seen Hope like this. So torn up, she looked scared and her mind was beaten brittle before she had excused herself out of the blue and locked herself in the bathroom with guests downstairs. When Amy manages to find the hole in the doorknob and jiggle it the right way she pauses. Waits for a moment before turning the knob and pushing the door open. 

“Baby?” Amy walks in slowly. She’s not quite sure how to approach this situation. She wanted to look strong for Hope. Even if she’d been anything from that. Her girlfriend had her head tucked in between her legs, sitting in the bathtub. “Please look at me.” 

When she doesn’t Amy sighs and sits down on the cold bathroom floor and tilts her head back to rest against the bathroom tiles behind her head. She lets the room swarm with a deafening silence for Hope’s sake for a few minutes. Even when it makes Amy’s body sweat and her teeth bite into her bottom lip.  

“I’m worried about you,” Amy whispers, her voice surprisingly stable for someone who felt like with every word she spoke she was looking on eggshells destined to break. 

Hope’s got her hands wrapped around her legs her fingers digging into her skin. She couldn’t cry. Not on Christmas. Not ever. Not for a boy who didn’t deserve a tear shed for him. 

“Please.” Amy trembles. Too scared to reach over to place a hand on Hope to comfort her. 

Hope squeaks her eyes shut. Refusing to ruin their first Christmas together. 

“You’re scaring me, Hope.” Amy’s got her eyes fixed on her girlfriend, fighting the urge to be a good girlfriend and forcing whatever is going on out of Hope. Because all she wanted to know was what was making her hurt her so much and wanted to take it away.     

It feels like hours of the dull sound of the dripping faucet of the sink when Amy speaks again. “I’m not leaving until you say something.” 

It’s painful to want to comfort someone from pain you know nothing about. Amy wants whatever’s got her girlfriend like this to be transferred to her. So she could endure all of it and only give Hope the good. Out of worry for her girlfriend she can’t hold it back anymore

So Hope lets it go and cries. 

Hope breaks and climbs out of the bathtub and picks up her girlfriend from her spot on the ground and shifty embraces Amy so tightly she’s sure it hurt a little. Amy doesn’t say anything and wraps her legs around Hope. They're on the floor tangled together seconds later.

Hope’s rope is about to break and Amy wants the rope to fall into her hands so she could light it on fire and make it disappear. 

The rope finally snaps. 

“It’s about Seth.”