Work Text:
"walangya, heto nanaman tayo."
padabog na tumayo si jaemin mula sa kanyang swivel chair habang may nakasutsot pang ballpen sa kanang tainga nito ay agad syang lumabas sa kanyang kwarto at dire-diretsong nagtungo sa kanyang front door upang baybayin ang daan papunta sa kabilang condo.
nakasimangot na kumatok si jaemin sa pinto. ang kaliwang kamay ay nasa bewang habang ang kanan ay walang tigil na kinakatok ang wooden door. "tanginang 'to walang marinig?" naiinis nyang bulong sa sarili.
clearly, punong-puno na si jaemin sa kapitbahay o kapit-condo nyang napakaingay kada gabi. halos gabi-gabi itong nagpapatugtog ng pagkalakas-lakas na party music na tumatagos na sa kanyang pader na syang bumubulabog sa kanya. sa totoo lang ayos lang naman kay jaemin na nagpaparty ang kanyang kapitbahay, ang kaso lang naman sa kanya ay ubod ito ng lakas sa puntong nakakabulabog na sa bukod tangi nitong kapitbahay na walang iba kundi sya lang naman.
hindi alam ni jaemin kung anong klaseng kababalaghan o kalokohan ang fact na sila lang dalawa ng kanyang kapitbahay ang umuukupa sa 12th floor pero hindi naman yun ang point, ang sa kanya lang ay bakit akala ng kapitbahay nya’y may free pass ang pambubulabog nito kahit dalawa lang sila sa 12th floor?
“naknamputa ayaw lumabas!” frustratingly, nagmartsa na lang pabalik si jaemin sa kanyang condo. padabog nyang isinara ang kanyang front door at dali-daling lumapit sa kanyang ref upang kumuha ng kanyang cold brew coffee a.k.a ang kanyang source of life .
ilang gabi na rin syang inis na inis sa pang-iistorbo ng nasa kabilang unit. wala namang angal si jaemin kada umaga dahil tahimik naman ito, kaso kada pagpatak ng gabi ay walang sawa at walang kupas ang party music nito.
sa kabila ng pagkainis ni jaemin syempre bilang may dugong pagka chismoso ay naintriga sya sa fact na kahit isang gabi man lang ay wala man lang syang nakita o napansin na bisita ng kabilang unit kung may party ito. as in wala, nada! ni ha-ni ho, walang-wala. nakakapagtaka dahil base sa itsura ng kanyang kapitbahay na madalas nyang makasalubong sa hallway, makasakay sa elevator, o makita sa lobby ay halatang life of the party ito, which is napaka imposibleng wala itong clique o crowd man lang. wala talaga syang napansin na kahit isang kaibigan ng taga kabilang unit.
sa tanang buhay ng pamamalagi ni jaemin ay nakita naman nya ang mga kaibigan ng kapitbahay nya pero nakakapagtaka dahil parang hindi na nya ulit ito nakita pang pumupunta sa condominium building nila.
nagkibit balikat na lang si jaemin at sumimsim sa kanyang kape. bakit ba nya iniisip ang buhay ng kapitbahay nyang ubod ng pagka insensitive at wala man lang pake kung nakakaistorbo ba sya o hindi? sumilip si jaemin sa wall clock na nakapwesto sa kanyang mini sala, napangiti sya nang makitang 8:56 PM na, senyales na pwede na syang magtake ng break nya mula sa pag–aaral.
he has a policy na he needs to obey—a policy made by his mother na whenever 9PM strikes, he needs to take an hour break from studying. syempre for jaemin its a waste of time. hindi naman nag-eexist sa bokabularyo ni jaemin ang salitang pahinga, ika nga ng prayer nila sa kanyang university ay “to toil and not to seek for rest” realness! he’s a natural workaholic at pakiramdam nya sinasayang nya lang oras nya kapag hindi sya nag-aaral.
pakiramdam nya’y kalmado na sya kaya agad syang nagtungo sa veranda ng kanyang unit upang tanawin ang kagandahan ng siyudad sa gabi. sa veranda nya’y merong upuan kung saan doon sya pumupwesto kada tumatambay sya dito gabi-gabi.
agad syang napangiti, wala talagang papantay sa ganda ng gabi. mapayapa, malamig, ang saya sa pakiramdam mapag-isa—
“the fuck nahulog yung tinidor ko!”
napapikit ng mariin si jaemin sa narinig, great! nandito rin sya. sarkastiko nyang sinabi sa sarili.
tumingin sya sa kabilang banda kung saan nandoon si haechan lee, ang kanyang kapitbahay in question. naka indian sit ito sa sahig at nakadantay sa railings habang may hawak na isang buong strawberry cake (which is by the way yuck according to jaemin himself!) at nakasimangot ito pagkat nahulog sa baba ang kanyang tinidor.
bilang isa’t kalahating pang-asar ay nagsalita si jaemin, “mabuti na lang walang nasaksak sa tinidor mong nahulog.”
agad syang nilingon ng kanyang kapitbahay na mukhang nagtataka, “uh hey?”
natawa naman si jaemin, yung tawang may lumalabas na hangin sa butas ng kanyang ilong. “kumatok ako sa pinto mo minutes ago but it seems like you didn't heard it because of your loud music and you're outside rin." saad nya.
“anong kailangan mo?” the other asked.
"i need you to tone down your music kasi nakakaabala sa kapitbahay mo a.k.a sakin na katabing unit mo lang." sagot nito. nakita ni jaemin na kumunot ang noo ni haechan, "tayo lang naman ang tao sa floor na ‘to, it’s fine.” he said kaya mas lalong nainis si jaemin.
siguro kung hindi lang sya understanding ay baka nairapan na nya itong kausap nya, but he chose not to, "well sorry to burst your bubble but it's not fine with me. i'm trying to study for my exams so i need you to cooperate with me." a white lie. wala naman syang exams for tomorrow, pero he’s really studying dahil for him, it’s a lifestyle ika nga. tingin kasi ni jaemin maiintindihan sya ng kapitbahay nya kung sasabihin nyang may exams sya, well, sino bang gusto mang-istorbo ng taong nag-aaral para sa exams diba?
he saw how the other nodded his head, "okay then, sorry for disturbing you a while ago."
natawa naman si jaemin, “anong a while ago eh kada gabi ang ingay-ingay mo?” sambit nya kaya natawa naman ito na for the first time (right at this moment) ay ngumiti at tumawa. wow, in fairness pogi.
surprisingly, jaemin didn’t found their silence awkward and cringe-worth, but rather, an opportunity for them to talk, so he decided to try, to converse with his neighbor just like what normal people do,
“so,” jaemin said kaya lumingon ang kausap nya, his brows shot up indicating na he’s waiting and listening, “i don’t want to be nosy pero dahil gabi-gabi mo naman ako iniistorbo, can i ask why are you pulling up a party when you’re all alone in your unit and kahit ni isa wala naman akong nakitang pumupunta sa unit mo?” he decided to ask na finally! mas naintriga kasi sya dahil nasilip nya ang loob ng unit nito na naka set up pa, casual cool kids party setups na makikita mo sa mga rich kids telenovelas or dramas na ang tanging personality at buhay ay mag party.
nakita nya na tumitig si haechan sa kabuuan ng kanyang unit, kahit nasa gilid lang sya, he saw how his eyes looks sad and lonely despite the lights reflecting on his orbs. it doesn’t look happy, he doesn’t look happy at all.
he heard how he heaved a sigh, “to feel that i’m not alone and sad.” he answered which made jaemin crease his forehead. “what do you mean?”
may hunch na si jaemin na baka mabigat ito at baka hindi naman dapat pag-usapan lalo pa’t hindi naman sya kilala o kaibigan ng taong kausap nya. he’s about to tell the other guy na okay naman kung ayaw nya pag-usapan when he heard him spoke, “i lost my friends.”
hindi alam ang gagawin o sasabihin, jaemin just stared at the guy who’s now hanging his head low, staring at his strawberry cake placed on his lap, “i lost them... natunugan ng admin na may nagbebenta ng thesis illegally sa university at mga kaibigan ko ‘yon. one day, napatawag sila sa office and ewan ko ba, sa sobrang bilis ng mga pangyayari, namalayan ko na lang nasa loob na rin ako ng office, gulong-gulo sa mga nangyayari. but what shuttered me the most is that my friends threw me off the bus and they chose to save themselves,”
jaemin gasped with what he heard. nakita nyang ngumiti si haechan habang nanatili paring nakatingin sa cake, “now i’m the one who’s facing the consequences of what they did. i got suspended for five months and the news spread like wildfire sa student body which affected my reputation bigtime.”
ang bigat naman sa pakiramdam, jaemin thought to himself. tila agad nawala ang kanyang inis sa kanyang kapitbahay sa narinig at napalit na lang ng pagka lungkot at awa. hindi nya maisip ang sakit at bigat nito para sa kausap, nawalan ka na nga ng mga kaibigan, naapektuhan pa ang personal mong buhay.
unconsciously, jaemin spoke na hindi naman nya talaga dapat gagawin, “you didn’t lose them, they lost you.” na syang naka-agaw sa atensyon ng kanyang kausap. jaemin saw a small smile sa labi nito kaya jaemin gave him a small, reassuring smile too.
another silence filled the air, kaya haechan decided to asks him too, “ikaw? bakit ang tahimik mo? hindi ka ba nalulungkot jan sa condo mo? aside sa may pusa ka na palaging tumatambay dito sa veranda ko para matulog, ano pang pinagkakaabalahan mo bukod sa mabulok ka jan sa loob?”
tumawa naman ng mapait si jaemin, “walang kasawaang pag-aaral.” sagot nito at narinig naman nya na natawa ng bahagya si haechan, "let me guess, based sa itsura mo your parents are pressuring you to study well kasi your cousins are smart as hell and they want you to be like them, tama ba?”
pabirong umirap si jaemin habang may ngiti sa labi, "wow, pwede ka na maging screenwriter sa MMK but no."
"naks bago yan ah? asian parents who don't academically pressure their child, rare breed they say."
jaemin stared down at his cup of coffee and fiddled with his fingers, "they're not the problem naman to begin with, they're cool with everything i do." his parents don't pressure him with everything, they’re cool with what he wants in life, sya lang talaga ang nagpapahirap sa sarili nya. sobrang taas ng expectations nya sa sarili nya and he needs to pass those para lang mapalagay sya. other people say he should slow down, and everything he does is beyond okay and enough, but for him, it is not. he will never be enough.
“i’m the only one who pressures myself, trying my hardest to be someone he isn’t just to fit in…more like a me problem.” he started, “my friends are good with everything they do, they always excel while i’m stuck with this damn mediocrity kahit ano pang gawin ko.” he added before heaving a sigh to release his frustrations. “siguro nasanay na lang akong ipressure ang sarili ko sa bawat araw na ginawa ng diyos kasi yun lang dapat kong gawin para maging enough.”
he placed the cake beside him and sat properly to face him, "how do you cope with everything?" haechan asked.
he shrugged, "i don't have any coping mechanisms." totoo naman, wala syang coping mechanisms or whatever you call those. wala naman syang oras for those things, he would rather study than finding out his coping mechanisms.
"talaga? akala ko you brew your coffee whenever nighttime falls." sabi ni haechan kaya nagtataka naman si jaemin, "huh? how did you know i do that tho?"
the raven-haired boy smiled, "madalas na ako tumatambay sa veranda kada gabi and you always leave your glass doors unclosed. i figured that coffee aroma lingers whenever the clock strikes at nine so i assume na whenever you feel sad or lonely, you brew your nightly dose of cold brew." amusingly, jaemin found the guy fascinating because he looks smart and he likes guys who are one. talk about sapiosexuality nga naman .
surprisingly, they clicked right after that comforting night. they both felt heard and seen with each other's company to the point that they tried to do it again, to meet outside at nights, in their own verandas just to hangout and talk which gladly happened—again and again until they both lost count.
it’s like they both found remedy from each other’s presence.
napag-alaman nilang dalawa na they have different ways of coping; for haechan, he puts up a facade na he's surrounded by people (partying) and having lots of food especially sweets so he doesn't look sad and lonely while jaemin’s way of coping is to brew coffee at nights and drink excessively until his system says so.
they share their coping techniques with each other while enjoying each other's company whenever they meet outside their verandas for their small rendezvous. jaemin accompanies haechan and delivers him his cold brew coffee, while the latter provides him a lot of food from his evening party.
amidst a breezy night, the two met again. just like the usual, they’re casually talking, killing each other’s time. jaemin found out that haechan is a fourth year college student, studying journalism sa ibang university, which ahead sya sa kanya ng isang taon at magkaiba pa ang hilig nila. haechan is into literatures, politics and a lot more while he’s into natural sciences and bio. he also found out na haechan is smart— academically and socially smart which makes him all giddy and kilig .
jaemin won’t deny naman na fact na he finds haechan gwapo, charismatic, and a total eye-catcher plus ubod pa ito ng talino, sino ba namang hindi magkakagusto sa kanya? syempre hindi si jaemin yan! dati pa man nung mere magkapitbahays pa lang sila, he already find haechan attractive.
wala man lang denial stage na dumaan para sa kanya. he really likes haechan (romantically) and he’s straightforward about it, kaya one night from their little rendezvous, he decided to say it, “i like you.” he boldly said which taken aback the older, “what?”
"i said i like you."
napangisi naman si haechan, "you're pretty straightforward about it, you're not a fan of pining 'no?" he said to the younger.
"i don't like wasting time when i can just say it. what's the point of going around in circles when i already know what i want?" sagot nito kaya napailing na lang ang nakatatanda. he almost forgot na that’s jaemin na who doesn’t like wasting his precious time. "damn, you're feisty."
nagbiro pa si jaemin, "just making sure i don't fit in." saad nya, pinabonggang version lang ng not like the other gurls.
haechan bit his lower lips, of course he finds the younger attractive he won't lie about it! jaemin may look so intimidating and cold but he's actually warm and all that haechan wants for a person. he’s perfect, far different from what jaemin thinks of himself.
and so haechan nodded, "aight. how about this..."
nakataas ang isang kilay, jaemin answered, “what?”
tumayo si haechan mula sa pagkakaupo sa sahig ng kanyang veranda at dumantay sa railings, his wrists resting atop the cold metals, "since its boring if we'll conform with the usual heteronormative narratives about courtship and relationship and well, sabi mo nga making sure we don't fit in—lets meet again the night after tomorrow. i’ll give you a day to think about it,"
skeptical of what he just heard, agad naman umalma si jaemin sa narinig, "what makes it different from those narratives? atsaka hello bat mukhang kabit ang schedule ko dito?" napahalakhak naman si haechan sa narinig mula sa nakababata, “baliw, let me finish kasi!”
impatiently, the younger groaned, “then say it already!”
“do you want us to happen?”
umirap agad si jaemin, "don't ask me silly questions, haechan lee." the older one chuckled, "i'll give you two options…” marahan syang tumingin sa mga mata ng nakababata, “if you don't want us to happen and you feel like it's just infatuation and we should just stay as friends or neighbors, knock my front door," jaemin fell silently, making sure he’s listening carefully because he’s serious about this, he’s serious with haechan—and he wants them to happen.
and he continued, "and if you think we should step up this little rendezvous of ours in something more, tumawid ka sa veranda mo papunta sakin so you could meet me inside and so i could give you back what you always give me." sambit ni haechan.
“and what is that?”
ngumiti ito kay jaemin, “baka sagot ko. who knows?” sagot nito bago pumasok sa loob.
we all know jaemin surely chose the latter of course! para saan pa ang isang araw na palugit kung alam na alam naman na nya sa sarili nya kung anong gusto nya? he realized na for the first time in his life, he knows something he’s sure of.
kasalukuyan na syang nag-aayos para sa pakulo ni haechan. bawas gwapo man ay wala na syang pake, ika nga nila kapag pumapag-ibig ka kahit gaano pa katanga ang isang bagay, wala na yang kaso sayo.
“bwisit na haechan ‘to, ako na nga nagkagusto sa kanya, ako pa pinahihirapan.” bulong nya sa sarili habang tumatawid sa veranda. buti na lang ay wala syang acrophobia at sisiw lang sa kanya ang pagtawid sa veranda.
finally nang nakatawid na sya sa veranda ni haechan ay agad syang lumapit sa glass door to open it pero its goddamn close and the only way to open it ay sa kabilang side so jaemin knocked the glass door. he continuously knocked the door but hindi talaga lumalabas si haechan so he decided to go back to his condo upang sa front door na lang kumatok.
“putangina naman…” bulong nya sa sarili habang nilalakad ang daan papalabas ng kanyang unit. sa paglabas nya ay nakita nya pa yung delivery man ng isang cafe establishment na may bitbit na kape sa harap ng pinto ni haechan saka kumatok ito.
hindi mapakali si jaemin, pinaglalaruan nya lang ang kanyang mga daliri habang nakatayo sa gilid ni kuyang delivery man na katulad nya’y hinihintay din ang paglabas ni haechan.
as the doorknob clicked open parang mas lalong bumigat ang pakiramdam ni jaemin, fuck he’s here!
paglabas ni haechan ay nakita nya si jaemin at ang delivery man. jaemin bit his lower lip and waiting for his chance to talk dahil nag-uusap pa ang dalawa. as the two finished talking, jaemin became more nervous kasi haechan is not saying anything and he’s even looking at him, straight in the eyes, emotionless.
seconds after, he spoked, "so, you've changed your mind?" tanong nito kaya agad umiling ng mabilis si jaemin, "no! let me explain muna, okay? kasi i went to your veranda and was about to open the door but its fucking locked and i knocked so hard and loud na kulang na lang mabasag ko yung glass door but you can't hear it so i decided to just meet you at your front door—" pagrarason nito habang may hand actions pa. he was caught off guard when haechan hummed, hindi na pinatapos ni haechan si jaemin, "okay."
confused and scared, he asked, “what do you mean?”
“i said okay. what else do you want me to say?”
jaemin stared at haechan with disbelief on his eyes, parang napantig ang tenga nito sa narinig mula sa nakatatanda, “are you fucking kidding me, haechan?” bakas sa boses nito ang pagkainis. the older noticed how jaemin clenched his fist and how red his face was. haechan stepped forward and left enough space for their faces, “i said it’s okay, why are you so uptight about it?”
"because i fucking like you and i want us to happen you stupid fuck!" inis na sagot ni jaemin but the latter stay calmed, “shh, ang daldal.”
obviously, nafu-frustrate na si jaemin sa inaakto ni haechan sa kanya, “haechan naman—” before he could say a thing, the older interrupted him, "it was my fault i locked the glass doors, nakalimutan ko okay? i adopted a puppy and i'm afraid it will fall off the veranda."
jaemin was about to speak when he just realized what haechan said, “you what?”
tinaas-baba nito ang kanyang kilay, “i’m a fur parent now.” he said.
“edi congratulations.” the younger said sarcastically with matching palakpak pa ng dalawa nyang kamay kaya natawa naman si haechan, “tinatawa-tawa mo jan?” masungit nitong tanong.
“i should be the one asking why are you fuming mad?”
frustrated na kinamot ni jaemin ang buhok nya, “kasi nga we met sa front door, how about that—” once again, jaemin was cutted off by haechan again, “hey, calm down nga,” he whispered. kahit mahirap for jaemin’s case dahil he’s nervous and anxious as hell of what could possibly happen because of the inconveniences he had earlier.
nakasimangot na tumingin si jaemin kay haechan kaya natawa lang ito. he’s clearly enjoying the younger losing his shit over him. syempre he’s not that evil naman and he’s just teasing him but he needs to stop now, “sinong kumatok sa pinto?” tanong nito sa nakasimangot na jaemin sa harap nya, halatang malungkot.
ang simangot nito ay naging pout na, “si kuyang delivery man…” sabi nito. haechan tilt his head while both of his brows shot up and his lips formed a frown. huh?
at doon natigilan si jaemin. his eyes immediately found the older’s brown orbs and looked at it with so much confusion, haechan then ruffled the younger's hair while smiling, "just like what you said, making sure we don't fit in." at tumawa ito.
it took him a minute to finally absorb what happened. he placed both of his hands on his face and took a step backward while frustratingly mentally cursing himself. nang pakiramdam nya’y okay na sya ay agad nyang hinarap si haechan, "you’re so ridiculously dumb but at the same time weirdly smart i fucking hate you for that."
unexpectedly, haechan leaned in to give the younger one a quick kiss on the lips which made jaemin blushed, "yeah dami sinasabi but the only point is you like me damn much you even crossed my veranda fearlessly just to meet me." well, hindi naman sya aangal kasi totoo naman, hello sinong tanga ba ang tatawid ng veranda para lang magkajowa sya? syempre ako!
napairap si jaemin, "nakakainis ka talaga—" before he could rant out ay haechan silently handed the coffee towards the younger. nalilito with the sudden gesture kasi clearly ang random dahil unang-una gusto nya pa mag rant pero bigla na lang sya aabutan ng kape to shut him up? he's about to talk again but he stopped when he realized what it meant.
he gave haechan a soft gaze and the latter just smiled boyishly, "i like you too, dummy."
hindi mapigilan ang ngiti ay bumungisngis si jaemin. he jumped at haechan and wrapped his arms around the latter’s neck and placing his face on the crook of it, “so tayo na?” excited nitong tanong kaya napatawa si haechan,
“ayaw mo?”
mas mabilis pa sa alas kwatro na bumitaw si jaemin at pinalo ang likod ng nakatatanda, he dramatically said “tinawid ko ang veranda ko papunta sayo tapos tatanungin mo ko kung ayaw ko? ginagago mo yata—”he stopped when he noticed that haechan’s just smiling at him, fondly. the way he always looks at jaemin whenever they talk late at nights. “why are you smiling?”
haechan shrugged his shoulders while his both hands inside his pockets, “i’m taking notes of what to do and what not to do starting today to avoid upsetting my boyfriend.” he said and it made jaemin rolled his eyes upward, halatang kinikilig. “pakiulit naman, hindi ko kasi narinig. my ano?” at lumapit ito, wari’y nakikinig.
bilang patola, haechan once again leaned forward pero imbes na sa tainga ng nakababata ang lapit ay sa mukha nito kaya nagulat si jaemin nang maramdaman nyang hinalikan nanaman sya ni haechan sa kanyang labi.
unable to move, jaemin stayed still. when the older one noticed it, he smirked and said something that made jaemin almost malfunction,
“the best way to shut my baby up is by kissing him. okay, that’s duly noted.”