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The call was rough.
It’s one of those where it’s silent in the engine afterwards, and so, so still. No sirens are following them, no adrenaline rush fueled smiles or banter getting them all riled up. No laughter, no good job, dude, nothing.
Buck keeps their shoulders pressed together the whole ride back to the station. His leg won’t stop bouncing—not even when Eddie reaches down and settles his hand over his thigh—and his hands twist and fidget in his lap, wired. Eddie—well, he can’t just reach out and hold his hand, no matter how much he wants to. So he settles for that grounding touch, watches the side of his face as the sunlight hits his features every time the trees open up.
It’s not really noticeable, how upset he is. If it were anyone else, they’d probably take one look at him and move on, but. Eddie’s been looking at him a long time. Buck’s staring out the window and he’s trying his best to school his expression, but Eddie can see the discreet clench of his jaw, the way his nose keeps twitching, the quick blinks.
He squeezes, gentle. Buck looks at him for just a second, throws on a brittle smile, and goes back to looking at the trees that pass.
Eddie knows what’s going to happen.
It’s something they’ve been doing for a little while. He’s not really sure how it started, but he knows as soon as they pull into the station that Buck’s going to nod his head toward the bunk room and, upon entering, make himself as small as possible so Eddie can curl in next to him and hold him until the alarms start ringing or food’s ready.
“We could all watch something light,” Lucy suggests, shrugging, but her eyes are hard. “I know we only have the news and, like, HGTV, but.”
Chim pops his gum and raises his eyebrows. “House Hunters it is.”
Hen’s smile is weak, but there. “You and your damn House Hunters.”
Eddie doesn’t say anything, just listens as Ravi says something about how he doesn’t trust the Property Brothers for some reason which turns into a whole discussion and waits.
Buck, after a minute or so, reaches out and grabs Eddie’s wrist. His voice is low when he asks, “Do you wanna—?”
“Yeah, okay,” Eddie says, and leads them away.
The beds aren’t meant for two, which means their moods are always brightened a little when they try to squeeze in together.
“God, you’re so tall,” Eddie complains, but his neck feels way too hot and everywhere they’re touching sends tingles down his spine. He’s gotten a little more used to it, thankfully. The first time it happened, he was a stuttering, bumbling mess and blamed it all on his scrambled brain.
“I thought I was only an inch or two taller?”
“I take it back. You’re seriously a freak of nature.”
Buck hums, already starting to flag. He shifts and slots the two of them together like a puzzle piece and relaxes into it. “Okay. There.”
There, meaning Buck is as comfortable as he can be with his back digging against the wall and Eddie makes one wrong move and he’s tumbling off the side and busting his ass on the hard floors. He really can’t imagine what it would be like if they took a bed in the middle of the room.
He very briefly considers putting in a request for bigger beds, just to see Bobby’s face.
“Can you, like,” Buck says, and he looks a little shy about it. They don’t really talk, not when they’re trying their hardest to forget about the day. It’s a little different today, for some reason. “It’s just that you would be a little more comfortable if—”
“Yeah, okay,” Eddie, who has somehow acquired telepathy, says. He knows exactly what he means. He shifts, lying a little uncomfortably on his right arm so he can rest his other hand on Buck’s chest while also using it as a pillow. “Better?”
Buck relaxes, inch by inch, and lets out a sigh. “Yeah. Better.”
“Good.”
The buzz of the AC is the only real sound apart from their soft breathing. If he really listens, though, he can hear the quiet echo of the TV coming from the lounge. And then, several minutes, later, Buck humming.
The thing is, now Eddie knows exactly what Buck does when he’s falling asleep. He’s never been this close before, pressed to his side like he belongs there. Buck’s hand will twitch against his back, then he’ll start making soft noises, like he’s humming a song. And maybe he is, maybe his dreams are always filled with music, because he does it now, just like all those times before.
Hand twitch, humming, and then the fucking snoring. Eddie doesn’t know what it says about him that he starts smiling at the sound of it.
“God,” he says, quiet, “I’m pathetic.”
Buck hums again in his sleep, like he’s disagreeing.
“No, it’s okay. I am.”
Silence. The buzz of the AC. Ravi shouting something about those home renovating twins.
And it’s like—Buck’s asleep, out cold already, and he’s not about to drift off anytime soon because it always takes him a little longer to get there. Add in the fact that Buck is the one holding him this time, and there’s just no way. So, he starts talking. It’s barely above a whisper, mostly a rumble in his chest. But,
“Remember that one time you came over for dinner,” Eddie starts, and huffs a laugh at himself. “I mean, you’ve been over a thousand times, but it was a while back. After Christopher had won second place at the science fair. You picked him up and spun him around in the kitchen and gave him a little kiss on the head, and it just. Struck me, you know? How much I love you. How much we both do. How much you fit.”
Silence. The AC. Someone whooping over a game of pool. Buck keeps snoring, and Eddie feels so warm.
“I’ve been talking with Frank, sorting things out in my head. You just broke up with Taylor, so it’s not quite the time yet, but,” Eddie blows out a breath and shifts just a little so his arm won’t fall asleep. “I’m going to marry you one day.”
Buck hums, the hand splayed on his stomach rubbing a lazy circle against his uniform.
“Don’t ask me how I know. I just do,” he pauses, spreading his hand out against Buck’s chest so he can feel his calm, slow heartbeat. “I’m so sure about you. I’ve never been sure, but with you, it’s so—easy. I never have to think about it.”
A snore. The loud honk of an engine down the street.
“But I’m gonna marry you,” he whispers, quieter. “And we’re gonna get real old together. Christopher’ll be a big brother. He’s always wanted siblings, you know, so how many are you thinking? Two more? I’m good with raising a small army with you, so maybe we’ll have our hands full pretty soon.”
Buck shifts a little, pulls him closer.
He’s quiet for a few seconds, reeling over the image of Buck and a thousand kids with his smile and Eddie’s eyes, and that’s when a gentle conversation filters into the room, footsteps approaching and stopping near a bed on the other side of the room.
Eddie’s mouth closes, and he lets his eyes follow.
“Hey, uh… Eddie?”
Eddie slowly blinks awake, careful not to jostle Buck around too much or fall straight on his ass. He breathes in, a little disoriented.
“Sorry. It’s just,” Ravi pauses for a second, and Eddie turns very slowly so he can face him without moving too much. “Bobby said dinner’s ready. Wanted me to get you two.”
It’s very hard not to laugh at Ravi’s expression—wide eyes darting back and forth like he doesn’t know which one of them to look at, mouth slightly parted in an unasked question. Eddie barely manages.
“Yeah, okay. Thanks, man. We’ll be right there.”
Ravi nods and turns on his heels, footsteps loud as he leaves.
Eddie groans, body a little sore, and turns back to Buck. He looks so damn peaceful that he kind of wants to just—carefully extract himself and go to dinner by himself, but he knows that Bobby mentioned making the kind of chicken that Buck loves, so.
“Hey,” he says, much louder than his very risky impromptu confession earlier. Buck doesn’t even stir, just lets out another gnarly snore. Eddie props himself up on his elbow and reaches out, running a hand through Buck’s wild hair. “Hey. Evan. C’mon. We gotta eat.”
Buck makes a noise and scrunches up his nose. “Don’t wanna.”
“You gotta.”
“Ugh,” Buck complains, morphing into some kind of octopus hybrid when he wraps Eddie up into his arms real tight. “Do I really gotta?”
“You’re—” Eddie says, muffled in the fabric of Buck’s uniform, and promptly cuts himself off, because the sentence can really only end a few ways: so cute, so adorable when you just wake up, gonna make me propose right now in this bunk room. “C’mon, it’s that lemon pepper chicken you like. Also, he’ll just send Ravi again if we don’t show up.”
Buck releases him just a little, so he can look him in the face. “Lemon pepper chicken?”
Eddie just hums an affirmative, raising his eyebrows. He sits up now that Buck’s grip is looser, rubs the sleep from his eyes, and feels the bed move as Buck mirrors him. “You want everyone to take the good pieces?”
“Of course I don’t,” Buck grumbles, all mock offended, and softens right after. “Hey, uh. Thank you.”
“For what?”
Buck rolls his eyes. “You know what. Sleeping with me.”
Eddie—does not blush. He doesn’t. “Yeah, like it’s such a chore. My life is so hard because I get to cuddle up with you after a hard day.”
“Whatever, man,” Buck mumbles, but—but it’s his turn to go a little pink now. Not that Eddie ever did, though. “Move over so I can get my damn lemon chicken.”
Eddie does move over, and laughs when Buck breaks out into a jog, leaving him behind. He turns before he gets out the door, sticking his tongue out like a child, and.
Eddie’s never been so sure about someone in his life.