Work Text:
One Day at a Time
Hawkeye had just returned from the aid station an hour ago, up until then BJ had been worried sick, even after seeing his friend’s sutures in a patient. Hawk had been the first friend he’d made in Korea, and BJ’s sure that without his bunkmate he would’ve lost his mind after the first week, if not sooner.
BJ was on his cot trying to catch some sleep, but all he was really doing was listening to Hawkeye sleep, or at least he thought Hawk was asleep. In reality he was listening to the quiet around the camp, and BJ breathing.
Hawkeye rolled in his cot to face BJ. “I thought you were sleeping,” BJ said without looking at his friend.
“Can’t. The shelling starts every time I close my eyes.”
“Want to talk about it? I’m told that I’m very easy to talk to,” BJ offered, knowing Hawkeye would say no.
“Not particularly. What I want is out of this hell hole, this festering sewer, if I may borrow Charles’ words. I want the shelling in general to stop, the wounded to stop coming, and the food to be edible. I just want the nightmare to end,” he ranted.
“We all do Hawk,” was all BJ could offer. The graying captain grumbled an agreement. “Is there anything I could actually help you with?”
Hawkeye thought about what he’d like to do with his favorite bunkmate and best friend. He’d like to start with holding the big-footed surgeon, or being held by him, and go from there, but BJ has a wife and child that he loves dearly. Not the way Frank, Trapper, or Henry did, but with every fiber of his being, and would never dream of betraying that love. In fact, to do so would be a nightmare for him, and was when he slipped up with Nurse Donovan. It would be worse if the slip-up was with him, a man.
“Hawk,” BJ said, bringing his friend out of his reverie.
Hawk’s mouth worked faster than his mind, as usual. “You could,” he caught himself before he went too far. “Never mind,” he turned over and faced the mosquito netting.
“What is it?” BJ sat up and looked over at his friend.
“Nothing Beej, there’s nothing you can do,” Hawkeye said, trying to get images out of his head that involved BJ and were less than chaste.
BJ got out of bed and sat next to Hawkeye’s cot in the dentist chair. “You can tell me Hawk.” BJ put a hand on his friend’s shoulder, “If I can do something to help you then tell me.”
Hawkeye rolled to face BJ with wet eyes. BJ thought it was because his friends was scared, but the truth was that Hawkeye was wracked with guilt over the perverted thoughts running through his head with BJ at the center, and right next to him.
“Beej, it’s not that I don’t want to tell you, it’s that you don’t want to know, not really. There is a way I want you to help me, but you can’t, won’t, and I hate myself for wanting it in the first place,” Hawkeye said in a rush.
“Hawkeye, you should know by now that there’s nothing wrong with asking for help from a friend. I’ve cried on your shoulder more than once, and how often have you given Margaret little lectures on the topic?” BJ gave the surgeon a stern look. “Now, I’m going to sit here until you tell me how to help you.”
Hawkeye grumbled knowing that BJ meant what he said. He turned to face his friend and took a deep breath. “I’m not sure how to tell you this Beej, but I think I’m in love with you, or it’s lust at the very least,” Hawkeye saw his friend open his mouth, but didn’t let him speak yet. “You don’t have to say anything Beej. I know that you’re married with a daughter, and as straight as they come, and therefore don’t feel the same about me…”Hawkeye was cut off by a pair of warm lips covering his.
BJ pulled away with a grin on his face. “Who says I don’t? Yes, I’m married and have Erin, but I do like men as well, and if I were ever to spend the rest of my life with one it’d be the only man that I’ve ever come to love whom isn’t family. You. I do love you Hawkeye, and I’m overjoyed that you feel the same towards me, but I don’t know where to go from here.”
Hawkeye pulled BJ into an embrace and hugged the stuffing out of him for a few seconds. When he released his friend he wore a sad smile. “I don’t know what to do either, but the best I can figure is to take this one day at a time.”
BJ nodded his agreement, “one day at a time.”