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Sirius was pacing his living room. He did that a lot lately, but especially tonight. Tonight was the third full moon since Remus had last come home. Nearly one year ago (eleven months), Remus started going out with Greyback’s pack on full moons to gain their trust for Dumbledore, which Sirius tolerated even though he couldn’t be there to protect him. Eventually, Remus started staying with the pack for several days after the full moon. He’d come home and brush it off like it wasn’t a big deal, but it was a big deal to Sirius. Now Remus stopped coming home altogether and communication with him and Dumbledore had been cut completely.
At first Sirius was worried, but as more time went on, he could only feel hurt. No one in the order even knew if Remus was alive, but most of them suspected he had joined Greyback’s pack full time, betraying them all. Sirius couldn’t focus on this too much because it made his heart ache and his fingers feel numb. The man he was in love with had supposedly left them all to join Voldemort’s ranks and it made no sense.
Deep down, Sirius blamed himself for Remus leaving. He had been acting cold towards the werewolf after he came home days late, and would even go days without acknowledging the man he lived with. Why would Remus stay in a cold, unwelcoming home when he could live with others who understood his… Condition.
Sirius’s stomach bubbled with hunger and anxiety, but he knew eating would make him feel sick. He glanced at the record player that he hadn’t touched since Remus left.
“We should find time to listen to the new records I bought last week,” Remus had said the day before he last left their apartment. Sirius had only offered a hum of agreement and saw Remus deflate into the couch out of the corner of his eye.
At the time he had gotten some sort of sick satisfaction out of making Remus upset, a way of getting back at him for disappearing for days at a time without an excuse or apology. Now Sirius didn’t dare touch the record player and it had since been covered in a thick layer of dust.
A few weeks before Remus disappeared, Lily had started giving Sirius sour looks, and she still clearly avoided talking to him. Sirius knew that they were best friends, so he must have told her about how awful Sirius had been.
Sirius was nearly ready to stop pacing and go to the kitchen to pop open a bottle of whiskey when James’s stag patronus leapt through his wall in a burst of blinding light. Sirius yelped and fell onto his ass. He stared up at the noble stag as it stomped its hooves.
“Come here now. Hurry!” The stag replayed the message from James before fading away. Sirius didn’t waste any time, clambering towards his fireplace.
“Potter’s Cottage,” He gasped out after grabbing a messy handful of floo powder. Once the spinning stopped, he stumbled out into a completely dark house, which only worsened his panic.
Before he could start shouting for James and Lily, Lily’s whisper cut through the room, “Sirius come here.” His eyes finally began to adjust and he could see his two friends crouched behind their couch.
“What’s going on?” He whispered.
“We heard a bunch of yelping and our alert charms went off about twenty meters from the house. And the charms only go off for magic,” James explained in a low voice, the smallest amounts of fear trickling in.
“So we’re thinking…” Lily started but Sirius interrupted her immediately.
“Werewolves,” if his heart could be beating any faster he would probably die. He started to stand so that he could peak out the window, but a horrible ear splitting howl cut violently through the air.
“Shit.”
The Wolf had been spending many moons with his new pack. He kept more of the sanity of his human mind to the point where he knew his old pack called him “Moony”. He thought this was funny and a little on the nose, but he liked it. What he did not like was his new pack. He missed his first pack. His real pack.
This pack was more uniform than his last pack. He had to learn how to respect the ranks of this pack after being the leader in his last. Though he found that he was quickly climbing the ranks since he was Greyback’s son.
Another thing Moony didn’t like about this pack was the fact that for the past two moons, they had been attacking people instead of hunting. With more of a connection to his human mind, he felt more guilt about hurting the magical people, but when they hit him with painful spells, he let his animal instincts take over. He just had to survive.
However, something felt especially wrong this moon as they approached the wizard’s den. The group of three other wolves were still very far away, but Moony caught onto a familiar scent. It smelled like enchanted forests, moss, and home. It took him longer than he’d care to admit, but he soon recognized the scent as the noble stag in his first pack. Prongs!
Moony glanced towards the wolf leading their group, Livia. She was brutal and would end up killing new recruits during training far too often. Moony snapped his jaws to gain her attention, to try to tell her to turn around, this was not the right den, but she growled and kept walking forward without a spare glance.
The group came closer and closer to the house until Moony felt a shimmer of magic gently brush over his fur. The others didn’t react, but as Prong’s scent grew stronger, Moony grew more uneasy.
Livia glanced at Moony and the two other wolves accompanying them and gave them their orders to surround the den. Moony flattened his ears against his head to show his dislike in the task, but had to follow the order. That’s how packs worked. That’s how this pack worked anyways.
Moony lowered his body to the ground and krept forward, leading with his tensed shoulders. The scent of Prongs only grew stronger, and he could tell that he was accompanied by another wizard. The other scent was familiar. His human mind knew her. Loved her. Trusted her. Moony surprised himself by knowing this.
His heart began to race when suddenly a third scent met his nose. Padfoot! Padfoot was there! Moony didn’t know how he suddenly appeared or if he had somehow missed the other before, but Padfoot was there! He knew what he had to do at that moment and stood up taller. He stared at the Wizard den, hoping to catch a glimpse of anyone inside, but there were no lights and no sounds. But he knew that they were there. So he did what any logical pack leader would do.
Raising his snout into the air, he took in a deep breath, confirming what he already knew. Padfoot and Prongs were here and in danger. So with another huff of air, Moony opened his jaws to let out a piercing warning howl. He hoped that his true pack would be smart enough to run. They were outnumbered. His wonderful, soulful call was cut short by Livia barking angrily at him and charging straight towards him. She rammed into Moony’s side and sent them both tumbling down the forest hill towards the wizard den.
They only stopped rolling when Moony’s back hit the sturdy walls of the den. He jumped up immediately with an angry snarl and slashed his sharp claws at Livia’s face. Livia snapped her jaws around Moony’s leg and bit down until there was a sickening snap. Moony let out a yowl of pain but didn’t give up. He thrashed violently against her grip, but was weakened by his bloody leg.
Livia let go and slammed her full weight into Moony, making him fall to the ground. The wind was knocked out of him as his chest was pressed against the earth, but thankfully his soft belly was protected.
The other two wolves in their group had trotted over and were watching, their eyes darting between Greyback’s children, not daring to get involved. Livia tore her claws into Moony’s back and sides until he stopped moving. She left one final slice from his ear, down his jaw, to just below his chin before stepping back. Moony gasped in a few wheezing breaths and watched Livia shake out her fur, his own blood dripping from her teeth.
With him out of the way, Livia eyed one of the windows, leaning back and coiling up the muscles in her back legs so that she could leap through the glass to get to the humans. Livia had done this trick to get into wizard dens before and Moony snarled. No one would hurt his pack.
Moony gathered the small amount of strength he had left and stood. Adrenaline pumped heavily through his veins and he used that extra strength to jump onto Livia’s back and close his jaws tightly around her neck. She let out a horrible screeching sound but Moony only bit down harder. She tried to buck him off, but Moony didn’t let up and could feel his fangs scraping against the bones of her spine.
The other two wolves finally leapt into action and hauled Moony off of Livia. All three of them ran away quickly, retreating from the house. Moony stamped his foot once with a huff before collapsing onto the ground.
Pain from his wounds began to pulse through his bones and over his skin and he whimpered. Maybe his pack would hear him and help. They usually helped when he was hurt. But this was different. He hadn’t seen them in so long, a lesser mind of a deer may not remember that they were even a pack. Maybe they weren’t even a pack to begin with.
Moony tucked his nose closer to the ground and soothed himself with the smell of damp dirt and decaying leaves.
Sirius almost threw up with nerves, none of them daring to move as they heard the wolves fighting outside. None of them had any idea what was happening, other than the fact that it was incredibly loud. There was animalistic screaming and the violent snapping of jaws. There had been a recent uptick in werewolf attacks, but no one thought that the Potter’s would be a target.
Everything had happened so fast that they hadn’t dared move, not even to get to the floo (which would have been clever). When they heard the sounds of heavy feet retreating further and further away, they still didn’t move. No one wanted to be the first to move or speak. Sirius didn’t even know how to process what just happened.
“What now?” Lily whispered. James opened his mouth to answer, but there was a horrible whimpering sound from just outside the back garden door. They all froze again, but this time Sirius gripped his wand tightly in his sweaty hand.
“I’m going to investigate,” Sirius clenched his jaw and stood up. He didn’t have to look back to know that James was following him closely, “I’ll check first, it could be a trick,” He whispered harshly. James paused, looking conflicted, but nodded.
“Right. Knock on the door if it’s safe to come out,” Sirius nodded once and turned the knob on the garden door. He stepped out onto the small concrete landing just outside the door, shutting it firmly behind him.
Sirius stared off into the woods, trying to catch a glimpse of something. Part of him was searching for the wolf with dark brown fur that he would recognize anywhere. His muscles were beginning to relax when there was another whimper from just beside him.
He nearly jumped out of his skin and raised his wand into a defensive position. His eyes immediately locked onto the horse-size wolf that was curled up in Lily’s garden, just beside the steps that Sirius was standing on. It only took a heartbeat to recognize who it was.
“Moony?” Sirius barely breathed, but still didn’t lower his wand. He knew how dangerous the Wolf could get.
The Wolf opened its eyes and stared at Sirius before letting out a low rumbling growl. His teeth were covered in blood and there was silver fur stuck in his gums. Despite the Wolf's aggression, Sirius lowered his wand, which seemed to be the right thing to do because the Wolf stopped growling and his eyes widened.
“James,” Sirius quietly rapt on the door, “James it’s Moony.” The door flew open with a sharp bang, making Sirius cringe. The Wolf started snarling again and attempted to sit up, only to fall back, exhausted and hurt.
“He’s really hurt, Sirius,” James said like it wasn’t obvious. James’s eyes raked over the Wolf’s fur, catching onto the rapidly spreading blood.
“I know that, but anything we fix now will only reopen at dawn,” He looked down at his friend that had been missing for so long and swallowed thickly. Sirius didn[‘t know how to feel yet, but he knew he had to let Remus share his side of the story.
“We can comfort him though. Do you think he’d remember Padfoot?” James glanced inside, “I can get water and some basic things and I’ll help Lily prepare a room for when he switches back.”
Without waiting to answer, Sirius turned into his animagus form and the Wolf’s reaction was instant. Moony whimpered and he tried to sit up, his entire body shaking from the force of his tail wagging. Sirius pressed down gently on Moony’s head with his snout, willing him to calm down, just until morning.
Remus didn’t remember changing back, which was strange since he had been more connected with his wolf mind then he ever had been before. The fog in his brain began to fade and the first thing he noticed was the fact that he was laying on a mattress, tucked soundly under at least three thick blankets. The second thing Remus noticed was the scratch of bandages on his skin. That’s how he knew that he definitely wasn’t with the pack. Greyback believed that nature would heal your wounds if you were strong and worthy enough. He had watched many new wolves die from blood loss or fever ridden infections.
He groaned softly and tried to open his eyes. The yellow walls seemed to glow in the early morning light and Remus watched specks of dust float lazily through the air above him in a beam of sunlight.
“Remus?” A soft voice rattled through his brain and Remus sucked in a sharp breath. He grunted and attempted to sit up so that he could see Lily through the painful haze. Her cheeks were rosey and her pink lips pulled up into a bright smile as she walked over to him.
“Lily,” He breathed. His heart began to pound and tears began to fill his eyes. He had missed her so much. “I missed you so much,” Lily sat on the edge of his bed, grabbing Remus’s hand. Remus lifted her hand so that her knuckles brushed against his forehead. He closed his eyes and swallowed thickly.
“Is this real?” He whimpered, trying his best to keep his voice steady. The whole scene felt too soft and real to the point where it felt like a dream.
“This is real,” Lily’s voice suddenly sounded choked up too. She didn’t ask any questions or say anything else, she just pulled him into a hug, rocking him back and forth. Remus let out a choked sob, burying his face into Lily’s shoulder. He felt like a child. But he was home. Lily didn’t shush him and shove him away, she just ran a soothing hand through his hair.
“Hey Lil, we-” James began walking through the door but froze. Remus looked up from Lily’s shoulder and raised his eyebrows, “Christ Moony, you gave us a real scare,” James was smiling like a boy on Christmas, but he didn’t step much closer than the foot of the bed.
Sorry,” Remus’s voice was scratchy and sore which made his ears flush red.
“Please don’t apologize,” James laughed, “We’re just glad you’re back. I should send an owl to Sirius to tell him that you’re awake.”
Remus fully pulled away from Lily and sat back, “How long was I asleep for?”
“About two and a half days but Sirius was wearing a hole in the carpet with his pacing,” She huffed, “So I sent him home a couple hours ago.” Remus nodded but he wasn’t sure how to process the information. Was Sirius really worried about him? Or was he just waiting to interrogate Remus the moment he woke up? Lily seemed to notice his hesitation and turned to James.
“Why don’t you go through the floo to tell him?” She suggested and James nodded, running down the stairs with heavy steps to the living room.
“Are you alright?” Lily took Remus’s hand again and he sighed. Lily knew how things had been going with Remus and Sirius before he was forced away for three months.
“Is he mad at me?” Remus didn’t know if he had the energy to deal with an angry Sirius.
“I think he was,” Lily said truthfully, “and he’ll probably want answers, but if you can’t deal with him I can kick him out,” Lily offered, brushing an overgrown curl off of Remus’s forehead.
“My hero,” Remus chuckled weakly and flopped back onto the bed, covering his face with his arm.
Sirius had just fallen asleep when James’ giant feet came stomping into his room. Sirius groaned and buried his head into his pillow, willing his friend to turn away.
“Sirius, get up you big lump,” James shoved Sirius's shoulder.
“Fuck off. You sent me away to sleep, so let me sleep,” He turned away from his friend.
“Yeah but Moony’s awake now.” That woke Sirius up. He jerked up so quickly that he nearly bashed his head into James’ nose.
“You could’ve started with that,” Sirius scrambled out of bed and ran down the hall, not even bothering with shoes. He flew through the floo and stumbled into the Potter living room. He went up the stairs two at a time but kept his footsteps light. He slowed and paused right outside the room that they had put Remus in.
Remus was laying on the bed, Lily sitting beside him with a soft smile on his face. Sirius sucked in a sharp breath when Remus opened his eyes and made eye contact with him.
“Rem…” Sirius took one step inside but paused. Lily looked between them for only a moment before standing up.
“I’m going to help James with lunch,” Lily squeezed Sirius’s shoulder on the way out and disappeared down the hallway. Sirius turned back to Remus and took in every detail.
Remus looked more muscular than he did before he left, but his face was thinner and the circles under his eyes darker. His chin had a thick stumble over it, which was odd since Remus preferred to keep his face shaved clean. There were bandages stuck to the side of his face and gauze taped over his ear, and there were plenty of other bandages under his clothes that weren’t visible from where Sirius was standing.
“You had me bloody scared you know,” Sirius said, walking over to take Lily’s place on the edge of the bed. He regretted his words when Remus’s face flushed red and his already puffy eyes watered up again.
“I know. But I couldn’t leave,” Remus stared down at his hands and took in a deep breath.
“Couldn’t leave as in,they were holding you hostage?” Sirius’s muscles tensed.
“No. They weren’t holding me hostage,” Remus looked further away, turning his head, “but I was earning Greyback’s trust and I couldn’t leave.” This made a spark of anger light up in Sirius’s chest.
“You could have told us that you were leaving! We thought you had died!” He tried to keep his volume under control, but his tone was sharp and harsh.
“I didn’t know I’d be staying!” Remus finally looked into Sirius’s eyes, “I had to stay because I was helping new recruits escape.” Sirius froze, his eyes widening, “I helped free at least twenty new werewolves and managed to convince Greyback that they had just died. He didn’t even notice, but I was helping.” Remus took a deep breath, “I’m sorry for leaving you lot, I really am, but I don’t regret it.”
Sirius only stared for a moment before gently and slowly pulling Remus into a hug. Remus was too shocked to move, his hands refusing to move from his side.
“I’m sorry for pushing you away,” Sirius whispered, pulling Remus closer. Remus’s hands slowly wrapped around Sirius’s back and the pair began to cry. They weren’t fixed or perfect, but it was a start.