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For a brief moment, Cas had thought it would be OK, that maybe there could be at least half of a happy ending, that he could at least save the man that he loved, the one human important enough for him to fall in every sense, to sacrifice everything for, the man he had sacrificed everything for time and time again. He had almost thought, just for that moment, that he would save Dean and therefore save the world, just like the cheerleader from that show, Dean would've liked that reference, he would've been proud of Cas for remembering something they had watched together and applying it correctly, Dean would've liked that he was the cheerleader in that analogy too, there was a time Dean would've blustered about it he would've pretended he was offended to keep up his macho facade but not now, now he would laugh, maybe give a wink and say damn right, I'd look hot in a mini skirt. His human had grown so much, Dean's self-worth had soared in recent years, and Cas was so proud of the man Dean had become; he would have smiled like he had while he had told Dean exactly how amazing he thought he was if he had a vessel or even a sense of self, Cas would have smiled at the memory of how beautiful his Dean Winchester was if he could.
As it was, Cas wouldn't ever be smiling anymore. He had messed it all up, as usual, he had misjudged and the angel with the broken chassis had struck again. The empty had come to his summons but it didn't play Cas's game, his happiness from sharing his truth wasn't enough and the Empty had played it's own capricious game and with a twist of cruelty, the entity let Cas give his speech and then dropped Billie before Dean. The last thing Cas saw before the empty engulfed him was Dean's broken face as Billie ripped his heart from his chest, Cas imagined he had seen betrayal in his eyes, why? He couldn't fathom. Dean never broke eye contact though, they had watched each other die, helpless and too far apart to reach out for the bittersweet comfort of their stolen touches.
***
For a fraction of a second Dean had believed he could have everything he'd ever wanted, there had been an infinitesimal sliver of hope there until he had done it again until he had corrupted it like he corrupted everything he touched just like he had his whole life, the very moment he acknowledged to himself what he can't bring himself to acknowledge anymore, it had been stripped from him in the most nightmarish way possible, his lo– care was a curse. He had frozen, unable to process Cas's words, unable to accept that someone could really love him, someone could see him for all his flaws, see past the shiny veneer he slapped over them and then love him for it and not despite it, someone truly loved him exactly as he was and it was that love that had killed them. Dean had killed Cas the day they met in that barn and then he'd selfishly wasted a decade of his life keeping his angel at arm's length and he had realised far too late that keeping that distance had done nothing to lessen the soul-consuming pain he had felt looking into Cas's eyes and watching him die, watching the empty engulf him in darkness, and knowing he was going to be trapped for eternity never knowing that there were three words forever caught in the back of Dean's throat.
***
One day when the Empty was feeling particularly cruel and had grown tired of watching Dean and Cas torture themselves by replaying not their own but each other's final moments perpetually, it would show them what they were currently unaware of, it would show them how they were laid out side by side in the unending darkness, their hands forever extended towards each other but just out of reach, their fingertips just millimetres from brushing, and everything they had both longed for while they were living was only a breath away for eternity.