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Summary:

What if Xu Xilin died in the shuttle bus accident and Dou Xun never met him alive again?

Notes:

[TL;DR: the first part is a message for one person. the fic is from our literate roleplay thread in private messages, which was discontinued. it was our very first try in literate roleplaying, so i thought of turning it into a fan fiction and finishing it.]

First of all, happy 1 year to my Xu Xilin RP partner! It's been a year since we started roleplaying. It's also been a year since we met and got to know each other. It has been a very fun and interesting year. Meeting you was one of the highlights, one of the best that has happened. And thus, this is my gift for you to mark this day. I feel regretful that I didn't manage to make something more grand. But I hope you like it! (i tried my best to finish it in 3 days i hope it's not too scuffed)

Second, I do not claim the whole credit of writing this since it was from our rp. The chapters which were in XXL's perspective was mostly written by my partner. I just added some things, filled up some gaps and edited a bit. Things like turning my part as DX in the thread into XXL's so the whole chapter will only be in one perspective and it won't be too messy. And since I gave it an ending, chapter 7 is written by me.

Third, I apologize if there are any errors and wrong details in CCP settings. In the first place, the reason why we discontinued the thread was because the setting was too complex and difficult. It was a lot of fun to write but sometimes I do fumble around trying to remember some details in CCP. It's my own fault, I suggested this setting and plot. However, my partner isn't a masochist like me and it's valid. Just kidding. Anyway, I am open to constructive criticism and feedback. If I could improve this fan fic, please do tell me. Thank you.

Chapter 1: Prologue

Chapter Text

"...Month X Day X: An accident occurred around ten o'clock in the morning at X Airport. An airport shuttle bus collided with a maintenance vehicle that was out of control. The maintenance vehicle caught on fire, resulting in flight delays. Based on the preliminary investigation, the maintenance vehicle was not travelling along its fixed route and had also suddenly increased its speed. It collided with the shuttle bus that was ferrying passengers for Flight X. The driver of the maintenance vehicle died on the spot and the root cause of the accident is still under investigation. Due to the fact that the shuttle bus was rather crowded, the number of dead and injured have yet to be confirmed..."

 

When he heard this news, Dou Xun felt like the world must have been playing a trick on him. Anyone in this situation might have already been panicking, but he felt like his entire body was frozen, unable to tell which was true and which was just his illusion.

 

Everyone in the hospital was in a hustle. People were walking at a fast pace from all directions, but they were all just blurry figures to Dou Xun. His eyes were locked entirely on the emergency room's door; his body was tense and seemed like he was about to jump up and burst into the room any moment.

 

At his side, Song Lianyuan was also frozen in his seat, his face buried in his hands. But his feet kept tapping the floor, his anxiety evident. They didn't speak, and those tapping sounds were the only sounds they could hear, seemingly in rhythm with their heartbeats. It all stopped when the door opened; Song Lianyuan's anxious feet were tapping, and Dou Xun's beating heart.

 

The doctor looked at the paper in his hand and looked between Dou Xun and Song Lianyuan, "Xu Xilin's older brother?" Song Lianyuan hastily replied, and the doctor paused. He studied the two grown men who looked like they were about to be sentenced to the death penalty and bowed. The two men's hearts sank.

 

"I am very sorry. Your brother has died."

 

Dou Xun's knees finally gave out.

 

 

•·················•·················•

 

 

The deeper the attachment and love, the more unbearable the longing. When you're separated from your other half, there will always be a sense of emptiness that can never be filled without them. Some people reunite, but there are unfortunate ones whose time has run out and who are chased by eternity. That longing was carried to the end of their lives, and they died in a state of longing.

 

Xu Xilin was one of those unlucky ones. Not being able to see the face of the person he missed one last time, and all of this happened suddenly.

 

The whole way, he waited with a smile plastered on his face as he read the short messages sent by Dou Xun again and again. Soon... well, soon enough, he would meet his Douxian'r. He also wanted to know what kind of surprise Dou Xun would give him. He thought one day he would plan a surprise to make him happy like he did to him. He wanted to show all the love that was too late to give.

 

However, soon, for him, was infinite time. It was a very, very long time.. not just a few hours, not a day, not a year, it might have lasted forever.. because death did them apart.

 

And when the accident happened, when Xu Xilin was at the threshold of his consciousness, he looked up at the dark sky amidst the sirens and the noise of the people around him. His body ached, and his mind was in turmoil. However, he didn't want to die.

 

"Why me? Why did it have to happen now?"

 

The moment he wanted to make up for his past and live bravely as himself, who loved Dou Xun no matter what, everything happened to him, as if it would never end.

 

Then he was carried away in an ambulance, and the sky disappeared from his sight.

 

'Douxian'r... wait for me, okay?' But, even if Dou Xun could wait for him there, waiting for him to return, could he come see him? What if he couldn't come and disappoint Dou Xun again?

 

'Douxian'r... I want to see you... I want to see you. Can't I see you even if it's for the last time?'

 

He completely lost his light and knew nothing else.

 

Maybe for some people, they should be able to keep their longing under control. Maybe they are not allowed to be misers. Otherwise, why did fate make them have to go through all this?

 

 

•·················•·················•

 

 

When one's hope is lost, their will to live will also instantly decline. Some will stay alive but don't have any regard for their health, continuously deteriorating like a wilted flower. If their loved one dies, some people will mourn for a long time, but soon will take it as their motivation to continue going forward. But there are people who have received boundless love from the person who died and had no other support aside from them. Their loved one dying is akin to taking everything they had from them.

 

Unfortunately, Dou Xun belongs to the latter. After his grandparents died, he lived his life alone in a cold house. He had never felt the love of his parents, nor did he feel like he had parents. Being with Xu Xilin was the happiest moment of his life. He felt loved, safe, cared for, and needed. He had never felt so alive. When Dou Xun left, he felt like his life was even worse than before. Grasping happiness he'd never felt before, only to have it slip through his fingers again. But fortunately, he got him back. They were about to start a new life, fulfill the promises they made when they were young, and live joyfully together...

 

But now, that person is gone. The forever he had promised was suddenly washed away by the sudden blow of death, forever lost, unable to connect the two ends of the living and the dead.

 

Dou Xun stood in the living room of their apartment. The curtain filtered the sunlight, casting a gloomy shadow in the room. The untouched baggage was carelessly put to the side. Shuai Shuai, the grey parrot, was unusually silent. It will occasionally give a low growl, adding to the gloomy atmosphere.

 

After a long time, Dou Xun finally moved and turned around sharply. The grey parrot was startled and let out a cry. It watched him open a drawer and take out a handful of Xu Xilin's expired medicines. The grey parrot shrieked like it knew what he was planning, "Your Majesty, your majesty..."

 

But Dou Xun doesn't seem to notice its cries. Looking at the pills, he hesitated, then opened another drawer and pulled out a rope. He stared at it, determination flashing in his eyes. He ran inside Xu Xilin's room and gave the grey parrot one last look before closing and locking the door.

 

And just like that, with a parrot's earsplitting shrieks, a man had silently set on his journey to meet his beloved in the underworld.