Chapter Text
Three months. It had been three months since they had separated, but every day felt like Mu Qing's heart had been ripped back open. Every day Xie Lian walked in and said good morning as both of them tried to act normal. Neither of them knew what normal was anymore, though. Xie Lian was awkward enough just being himself, and Mu Qing... Mu Qing had never been good at expressing his feelings in the first place, but that didn't matter when Xie Lian picked up on. Every. Damn. Emotion.
He'd been avoiding the prince as much as he could recently, and even Feng Xin had noticed. Apparently he noticed everything except their former relationship. Mu Qing made a mental note to avoid him in the future as he started his nightly routine, which typically only consisted of making sure everything was properly put away before he slept (and not thinking of Xie Lian). He had never been one to properly make himself ready for bed; it had always been Xie Lian who coaxed him into changing and curling up next to him in a cuddle...
No. He shook his head out of his thoughts and laid down, firmly determined to sleep without dreaming of the prince that had once been his. That was the plan, at least, until said prince peeked through his doorway and blinked at him.
"Ah, were you sleeping already? I'm sorry for intruding." Xie Lian's eyes were lowered under his long lashes, clearly nervous and already feeling a bit dejected. It was a stupid idea, but Mu Qing sat up and looked at him anyway.
"What is it." The blunt tone in his voice would be enough to scare anyone else off, but he watched the other man visibly relax as he saw the slightly softer expression on Mu Qing's face. He always picked up on Mu Qing's tells, the little things that told you he cared more than he said.
"I was wondering if I could sleep in here tonight? Feng Xin kicked me out of my room, saying I wasn't allowed to sleep in it when there was a bug infestation there."
Mu Qing didn't say anything, opting to pull the sheets back and scoot himself closer to one side as Xie Lian closed the door and laid down next to him. He didn't bother saying thank you, having known the other long enough to know it'd be ignored (or just be grunted at, if he was lucky). He turned over with his back to Mu Qing, trying to get comfortable enough to sleep. Mu Qing, on the other hand, was so tensed up that he only started to relax when he heard Xie Lian's breathing slow down. His hands itched to stroke the other's hair, to kiss the top of his head like he used to. But he couldn't. Couldn't even get a word out to say goodnight to him, and it hurt so badly he didn't know what to do with himself otherwise.
So for now he'd stay quiet. The only things he would ever voice were those he never said aloud, the ones that only Xie Lian would ever know of. The only proof of it was his steadily beating heart. And if he ended up with Xie Lian rolling over into his arms by the end of the night, that was nobody's business but his.