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Never used to get excited to sit here in the silence…
Holding onto something the way I’m holding you…
A smile immediately made its way to Doyoung’s face upon hearing the song from Ben Rector, one of his favorite artists. He sat on the couch next to the door of the living room of their apartment and starts to listen to the playlist of the boy next door. If there’s one thing that he liked about living and moving in the Philippines, it’s his neighbor’s song choices. Somehow, from observing for a whole month now, he could say that they have the same music taste.
Right after his work, every five in the afternoon, he would sit on the couch and listen with his neighbor— though the boy next door might not have a single clue about it. He’ll just listen there, write the lyrics of the music that he’ll like, search them right after an hour of the music session, then add them to his playlist named, In the Afternoon.
Today’s song choices of his neighbor are melodic, soft, and slow. They are full of emotions— admiration, gratefulness, love.
Closing his eyes, the lad hums with the song and just enjoyed all of them— like the usual. An hour later though, something unexpected had happened.
The boy next door had played something he had never heard before. The voice, the tempo, everything about it feels new to him. He sat there still though. Wanting to listen more as he writes the lyrics that caught his attention, he kept in mind to search it immediately after the day’s session.
What surprised him after an hour though was that, the song’s lyrics aren’t showing up on the internet. He kept on typing every line that he was able to write and was left disappointed when nothing appeared from all of his searches. He was fully decided to let it just slide but the song kept on playing on his mind, like an endless mantra— a whisper that keeps on bugging his mind as he finishes his chores, his work, even before he sleeps.
It took him three days before he finally stood right in front of his neighbor’s apartment and knock on the wooden door.
He was greeted by an angel.
It’s his first time seeing his neighbor up close. He always sees his back and side view whenever the guy would pass through his door, but never his full face. So, to say that Doyoung was perplexed to see a man this beautiful, handsome, and cute at the same time will be an understatement. He wasn’t able to talk for about three minutes or so (at least, to his own calculations), and he just stood there in front of the pink-haired man like a mad stalker who just saw an angel while he was stealing something.
“Ex…cuse me?” The man had talked again, trying to get Doyoung out of his reverie. It only worked though when the shorter man gently poked his shoulder, as if he was checking if he’s real, “You’re not an imagination… but, why aren’t you talking?”
“Oh,” Doyoung mumbled, gasping and clearing his throat before he utters, stuttering, “I, um… have a question to ask. I’m your neighbor, by the way. I live next door, and uh… I’m Doyoung, yes, thank you very much.”
To say that he heard an angel when the man giggled is an understatement too. Thankfully, Doyoung thinks, he was able to take another breath, or else he would pass out right in front of his neighbor and would probably die because of embarrassment and admiration, this man is the cutest man alive.
“I’m Taeyong,” The pink-haired man confidently uttered, who’s Taeyong by the way, and who is currently offering his hand for a handshake. Doyoung shyly reaches for it and weakly shakes them, “Nice to meet you.”
“The uh… the question,” Doyoung uttered once again, trying to compose himself while Taeyong waited for him patiently. Closing his eyes and opening them again as he stares now at the floor, he just can’t look at him. The taller man finally asked, “I was… listening to the song that you played, uh… I think it was three days ago? I couldn’t… I couldn’t find the song on the internet even though I have the lyrics right… I just wanted to ask about the… uh, title?”
“Oh, sure. But, what was the lyrics, or tone, maybe?” Taeyong asked back, smiling at him, which is blinding, Doyoung thought. Taking another deep breath so he would not collapse, Doyoung easily recalled the lyrics of the song as he sang it carefully, “So, it goes like this… I can feel this void if you want it… Dive in the blue, dive in the blue with you…”
Taeyong could feel his cheek blush as he heard his neighbor sing the song that Doyoung was asking for. Doyoung, on the other hand, could feel his heart beating so fast he could have a heart attack right there on the spot. He could feel Taeyong’s stare as he sings, he could even feel his smile, and it makes him feel jittery.
After singing the song that was already perfectly marked in his mind, Doyoung found himself with his lips slightly parted.
“You won’t be able to find it on the internet, uhm… yes, of course… It’s actually my song, I composed and sung it.”
Are all angels this talented too?
In the end, he was successful on his mission. He was able to have the title of it, Blue… and Taeyong even gave him a copy of the song on his phone, making him promise that he won’t let anyone hear it, not even his closest friend. He went home feeling ecstatic, sat on his favorite couch, and recalled what just happened.
“Do you… want to get inside and hear the complete version of it? Like… the final version of it,” Taeyong shyly uttered which made Doyoung smile as he nods without a hint of hesitance on his expression, “I’d love that, yes.”
He learned that Taeyong is one year older than him, that he’s an aspiring musician, and that he plans to open his SoundCloud account soon for his songs, and maybe, someone will be able to see his potential in music. Doyoung shared that he majored in psychology, though he may not look like it, and that he’s working in the industry as an HR of a pharmaceutical company.
“You look like a nurse,” Taeyong stated as he prepares two cups of iced coffee in the kitchen while Doyoung roams his eyes around the living room. It’s the same size as his own, though it looks completely different from his since the room is filled with musical instruments and paintings.
“I get that a lot,” The younger smiles, nodding his head as he followed the elder, “I’m not a nurse. But, it was my dream to become a licensed psychologist, sort of like a doctor, but of the mind, yes.”
“Oh, why didn’t you pursue it?” Taeyong asked though he stopped on his track when he realized that his question was prying, “You could just… disregard the question, I think it was too personal.” He received a shake of Doyoung’s head, “No, it’s fine.” He then first grabs the iced coffee that the elder was handing him before he nonchalantly shared, “I… couldn’t challenge myself for the dream. I’m kinda scared to grab it.”
That made Taeyong smile. It was the warmest smile that the younger had ever received for quite a while now. Right after sipping his coffee, Taeyong entered the room full of his equipment for recording, cleaned some papers from his desk, and finally let Doyoung inside.
“It’s… a very important song for me,” Taeyong shared. He’s beaming in front of his desktop and Doyoung could almost feel his heart melting at the sight of it. With just one click, the song called Blue played inside the room. They were then filled with the beat and lyrics of it, somehow, hearing it this loud soothes Doyoung, he couldn’t help but feel his eyes slowly welling up as he tightly holds the cup of his coffee.
“This…” Doyoung started, he wanted to compliment Taeyong despite the lump on his throat, “Is such a comforting song, Taeyong. I hope you’ll be able to comfort lots of people with it.”
That was the first time Taeyong felt like his efforts in making songs were worth it.
✑
Knock, knock, knock…
Doyoung still feels sluggish as he gets up to open the door. For Pete’s sake, it was only 8 AM! He had to pull an all-nighter yesterday night because of some reports for their company so he was just getting some rest, and now this.
However, the crease on his forehead instantly straightens when Taeyong greeted him with the happiest beam as he throws himself at the younger, “Doyoung-ah! We made it! A company wants to officially compose my songs not just on SoundCloud! We’ll be able to stream it anywhere once it’s released!”
Doyoung doesn’t really know if his heart was beating erratically because of the elder’s smile, the hug, the song, or the thought that Taeyong personally shared this news with him, what’s more, is that he said that they made it— the pink-haired man included him with his success, oh, Doyoung could pass out right then.
✑
The day Doyoung first met his neighbor, Taeyong, he already knew that he was going to fall hardly in love with him. It’s not just about his looks or his taste in music. There’s something about Taeyong that he couldn’t fathom earlier but he’s slowly having a clear picture now.
Taeyong is passionate and fearless, two of the few characteristics that he admires in a person, not just because of their good quality, but also because it’s something that he doesn’t have. Doyoung once liked to win a singing competition, he also wanted to learn how to play the guitar or the piano, and he had also dreamed to be a clinical psychologist— all of these though, didn’t happen because he’s not that passionate about things nor was he fearless like Taeyong, the person he likes the most, second to his mother.
Taeyong is also patient and kind— like his mom. He’s someone whose warmth radiates as soon as he enters your life. He’s someone who’s good with waiting, showering him with compliments, boosting his energy and confidence. He’s someone that no one would be able to resist.
So, right when the day of realization came, Doyoung was no longer surprised to admit to himself that he is in love with the boy next door, with the only friend that he trusts, Taeyong.
What he didn’t expect though was the time that Taeyong himself had fallen in love. Not to him, though. Unfortunately.
Doyoung was in a rush that day— he was rushing to get home and tell Taeyong about his good news (he just passed the entrance exam for the university where he’s planning to take the master's degree), but to his surprise and confusion, a long-haired, pretty girl opened the door for him instead of his friend who lives on that apartment.
“Am I in the wrong apartment?” Still, he asked. He almost bowed and utter an apology but Taeyong appeared right behind the lady as he chuckled nonchalantly as if he doesn’t have the slightest clue that Doyoung’s heart was about to break because of him.
Well, he doesn’t. That must be why Taeyong even introduced them to each other. Apparently, Seulgi— the lady— is his friend and they’re working on a song together. On a Saturday night. Inside Taeyong’s apartment. While Seulgi was wearing the elder’s shirt. Right. It all fits, they’re friends.
Taeyong invited him over, of course, but the younger was firm in shaking his head. He gulped, cleared his throat, and tried his best to look like he was not breaking as he utters, “I… still have some work to do.”
“Oh, right,” Taeyong smiled.
He then turned his back to him and quickly headed to his own apartment.
There’s something about Taeyong that Doyoung couldn’t fathom earlier but he’s slowly having a clear picture now.
He’s someone that no one would be able to resist.
Even Doyoung.
But he’s also someone that will never be his.
✑
With no explanation, my heart knows that it wants you and that’s a problem…
Doyoung was only listening to Taeyong and Seulgi’s song like how they would always do upon every release of the elder’s song, however, tonight is different. He could feel the heaviness and difference of this night from those previous times, it was unsettling.
Taeyong has finally made a song about falling for someone and having feelings for someone which is the most puzzling feeling that you’ll have in your lifetime. It must be Seulgi.
“How is it?” Taeyong asked after the end of the song. The lad even had to repeat it twice since the younger was too busy pondering about his feelings and what-ifs.
With no explanation, my heart knows that it wants you and that’s a problem…
“It was… good,” Doyoung started before giving his friend a weak smile that he hopes Taeyong wouldn’t notice. The question in his mind would keep him up all night, Doyoung is aware, still, he let it out, “You wrote the lyrics?”
“I did,” Taeyong proudly answered as he flashes a soft smile before adding, “With Seulgi.”
Doyoung just nodded before he uttered with his softest, almost inaudible voice, “You must be in love to make a song as beautiful as this one.”
Again, with full confidence, the elder answered him, “I am.”
✑
I think I’m fallin’ in you,
Deeply and slowly…
The next song that Taeyong released has an upbeat, happy vibe. It was full of his romantic emotions that he summarized into words and Taeyong himself even admitted to it, “It’s about having feelings for someone who makes you feel crazy. Like, in a good way. You can’t understand them but at the same time, you do. They shine like the sun and give happiness in your life… something like that.”
The pink-haired guy let out a shy giggle which sounds angelic to Doyoung’s ears, but the next words that he had uttered were venomous, “It’s… my feelings toward someone. Do you think they’ll like it?”
Doyoung spitted the most bitter words that he knows he would utter for the rest of his life, “I don’t know… it sounded too cheesy for me.”
Don’t know what I’m doing,
I have no clue…
I need you.
✑
Doyoung thought that he ruined it. He tried, admitted, and accepted that their friendship would get ruined because of the bitter words that he uttered towards the elder last night. It was a bad criticism that his friend’s song shouldn’t have received in the first place because truthfully, the song was really good. His emotions and feelings just get ahead of him and made him cruel.
However, he woke up the next day with an email from his friend. In it were a not-that-long message and a link for a playlist.
Dear Doyoung,
You personally know that I’m a person who’s completely fearless, right? Honestly, I have been scared these days. Of losing someone important to me. Of losing this someone because of my feelings. But then I realized and remembered the day I swore to myself that I wouldn’t ever let fear control and win against me.
You were my moment of weakness.
And for quite some time, I didn’t want to have that thought and feelings for you.
But then, I remembered again the song of Ben Rector, it’s included here in this playlist by the way. And it made me realize that I wouldn’t be really that happy to be a victor from myself if I would lose you.
That won’t feel right.
Because like Ben— for the first time— I have felt a lot. I have seen millions of things in you.
And I was a coward for thinking that I didn’t know what it was.
To have you, perhaps. To win and have you.
Or you may not return my feelings but then we’ll continue to have a friendship that will last for a long time without the what-ifs, my shaky breath whenever you’re near, my trembling hands whenever you’re close to me, and my erratic heart that longs to be yours.
It will just be me, you, and our friendship without taints of romance and my imaginations about having you as mine.
You are the love that I have never known, never believed, but came.
Please, do listen to this playlist and let me know your thoughts.
With a love that longs and a heart that seeks you,
Taeyong
✑
Never used to get excited to sit here in the silence…
Holding onto something the way I’m holding you…
A smile immediately made its way to Doyoung’s face upon hearing the song from Ben Rector, one of his favorite artists. If there’s one thing that he liked about living and moving in the Philippines, it’s his neighbor’s song choices. Somehow, from observing up close for five years now, he could say that they have the same music taste.
Right after his work, every five in the afternoon, he would sit on the couch and listen to his neighbor's songs while he’s holding his hand as the other lad lazily lies his head on the younger’s lap.
It’s the way you’re smiling at me…
It’s in the way you hold my hand…
The day Doyoung received the email, he didn’t anymore need to think about it, still, he listened to the playlist that his neighbor created before he ran, stood, and knocked on his neighbor’s wooden door.
He was greeted by an angel.
“Do you want to invite me over for some iced coffee?” He received Taeyong’s beautiful smile once again. Reflecting that smile, he added, “I’m a good kisser too.”
“Tomorrow, after taking your oath, you’ll be an official clinical psychologist, I hope you don’t mind a song and some kisses as a gift, hm?” Taeyong uttered while looking up at him.
In the Afternoon— Doyoung’s playlist was playing in the background when the younger claimed his gift in advance.
Doyoung could always hear Taeyong’s music inside their own apartment, and honestly, it all made everything better.