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It was an early Saturday morning, the only sound that could be heard in the Kaneki and Nagachika house hold was the half-ghoul himself rummaging through his cabinets to prepare himself his morning coffee. The mundane life was no longer a strange or foreign feeling for Kaneki, it’s been several years since he and Hide decided to settle down and start a family though sometimes there was an aggravating and incessant voice that whispered that “playing house” doesn't suit him at all.
It took great mental strength for Kaneki to fight back this voice and the thoughts it brought with it. Kaneki need some quiet time to focus and mediate to be able to repress it, he didn't exactly want his kids or Hide to interrupt him.
It was about 7:45am the Hide made his appearance, greeting Kaneki with a good morning; only wearing a pair of orange pajama bottoms and exposing his torso and displaying the sunspots that decorate his entire body. He stretched and yawned as he walked over to Kaneki and placed a small kiss on the top of his head and went in for another kiss only for Kaneki to tilt his head up and place a kiss on his lips.
“What are you reading?” Hide asked, looking at the morning paper that was spread out in front of Kaneki.
“Just more news about more humans protesting and fighting against the new laws that recognize ghouls as legitimate Japanese citizens and protected species,” he explained.
“Even after all these years ghouls still have to fight for the right to live. Can’t they see that this for the good of both species,” Hide expressed with passion.
“It’s not just human but ghouls too. I’ve encountered many ghouls who see coexisting with humans as a sign of weakness. They believe humans are trying to tame ghouls,” Kaneki revealed. “Those special shops meant only for ghouls, the ones that sell donated human flesh, there have been attacks, destroying everything inside. It makes it difficult for ghouls who don’t like hunting to eat,” he finished, one could hear the frustration in his voice.
Kaneki and Hide continued to discuss this topic until the light and rapid trampling of tiny feet could be heard from the hall.
“GOOOOOOOOOD MOOOOOORNING!” greeted an energetic Himawari, Hide and Kaneki’s 7 year old daughter, jumping onto Kaneki’s lap and placing a quick kiss on his cheek and on Hide’s as he bends down a bit for her to reach. The two fathers smile as she jumps off Kaneki and runs to prepare herself some cereal.
“Want me to make you some eggs or pancakes, Wari? Cereal doesn’t seem like it would be enough to fill you up,” Hide asked as he went into the kitchen and put on an apron to prepare a proper meal.
“Nah! I want cereal today,” rejecting Hide’s offer.
“I want some pancakes, Papa…” a soft voice said. All three turned to look at the hallway entrance only to see Yoshiaki, their 5 year old son sporting unruly bed head. He took a place next to Kaneki giving Kaneki the chance to pat down some of his hair down.
“Good choice, Kiddo! I’ll be making some for myself too,” preparing the ingredient and turning on the stove. “Looks like Wari is the odd one out. Too bad,” Hide teased, causing Himawari to puff up her cheeks and glare at her papa.
“Nuh uh! Daddy isn’t eating pancakes either!” pointing at Kaneki
“Daddy CAN’T eat pancakes, you butt,” Yoshiaki reminding her with a little added insult at the end; Himawari sticking her tongue out and flicking piece of her cereal at him.
“Now, now. Don’t say mean things to your sister, Aki,” Kaneki said as he patted Yoshiaki’s head, trying to stop fight before it got out of head. “And you, stop throwing food at your brother.”
“Okay...”she obeyed though obviously disappointed.
“Sorry you can’t eat papa’s amazing pancakes, daddy,” expressed a saddened Himawari, “but I’ll eat extra just for you!” Kaneki thanked her but he wasn't sure if she was the one picking a fight with him now.
“Hey hey,” Hide grabbing her attention. “You said you wanted cereal. I didn’t make pancakes for you,” he told her.
“EEEEEHHHH? That’s not fair!” getting up from her seat and running to Hide to throw soft punches on his legs. The scene caused a hearty laughter to escape Kaneki.
Despite living a comfortable and peaceful life it was still hard for Kaneki to laugh that way, it was something his kids even noticed. Hide once told him that the kids asked why he didn’t like to laugh. This struck a blow to Kaneki and from then on he tried to laugh more.
Kaneki looked over to son sitting next to him, who gave Kaneki a smile but pleased smile, happy that he got to be there to hear Kaneki’s laugh.
Once they were all seating and eating breakfast Himawari went on and on about school and how there is a new student in her class. She brought Touka and Yoriko’s son, Kai,up and how she raced him and beat him.
Even though Kaneki was done with is coffee he still enjoyed sitting and listening to his young children talk about their young lives. Kaneki was about to get up and head off to do some work when Himawari called out to him, grabbing his attention.
“Kids at school always ask me but…why do you have white hair?” she asked innocently
Kaneki froze on the spot and you could hear the drop of Hide’s silverware
It was true that despite the many years that have gone by the white hair due to the torture he was put through was still there. His black hair did start to grow back during his time as Haise Sasaki but that was done away with once he got his memories back.
Himawari continued to look at her father, waiting for an answer not really sensing the tension she created. Yoshiaki on the other hand clearly took notice, displaying a fearful expression on his face due to his father’s reactions.
“Everyone is wondering why you have it and I don’t know what to tell them,” she began to explain her curiosity. “Someone said that you were a snow baby but that idea is dumb. Do you bleach it just like papa?” referring to Hide’s blond locks.
“Y-yeah…that’s right,” the stammered and placed his finger on his chin.
“I knew it!” she exclaimed happily. “Then can I dye it too? I want white hair like you daddy! I want to be just like you!”
This was the last thing her heard before he heard that voice again. That relentless voice.
“So she wants to be just like her daddy?” laughed the voice. “I can make sure she ends up just like you.”
Right before his eyes Kaneki was standing in the same black and white checkered room he spend 10 days in all those years ago. And right before him was a young 19 year old Kaneki and right next to him was-
“Wah-ree?” enunciating her nickname. “Who-wah-wah-wha,” hyperventilating, not being able to form a proper sentence.
It wasn’t until that wicked laughter that Kaneki was brought back to part of his senses.
“Let me make sure she grows up to be just like you. Afterall, I was the one who gave you that hair in the first place.” A large figure with that white suit appeared before him.
Yamori…
He was holding those same fucking plyers from before; the same ones that he used to rip off his fucking toes. Kaneki stared at him like a mad man.
“Don’t give me that look. I only want to help. But if it really bothers you,” putting his plyers down and putting one hand on his younger self’s shoulder and one Himawari’s small shoulder.
“Get your fucking han-“
“I’ll let you choose,” Jason interrupted him. “Choose who you want me to kill and I’ll let the other one go.”
All life left Kaneki’s face as he said this. This happened before, all of this has already happened, why again? Why? Why? Why? Why?
“ME! I CHOOSE ME!” he said with no hesitation “KILL ME!”
KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME!!!!
In a blink of an eye, Jason and the young Kaneki were gone and before him was his little girl. He looked at her with horror. She had the same white hair he did and in front of them was a bucket and at the bottom were toes, her tiny little toes and unlike him she had to way of regenerating her lost appendages. He fell to his knees, not believing what he was seeing, tears running down his cheeks. He slammed his head against the ground, he couldn't protect her, he was the reason this happened. He feel for the same lie.
Kaneki could barely make out what she was mumbling to herself. Was she...counting? At this point Kaneki was weeping, the sound of his sobs overtaking the room.
“Daddy…” she called out to him weakly causing Kaneki to snap his head up and look at her. “Daddy, it hurts. The centipede…it hurts,” she wept.
Nothing but Kaneki’s screams could be heard after that.
“DAAAAADDY! Hey daddy!”
“Ken. Ken! Ken snap out of it!”
“Daddy…please be okay”
Kaneki heard Hide and his kids calling out to him, this snapped him out of that horrible nightmare.
“Wha-what happened?!” he asked almost desperately to see if they knew the anwser to his question.
Hide was by his side and placed one hand on his shoulder and another squeezed his hand. “I don’t know but you were out of it. You were just staring off into space for a bit. Are you okay” Hide asked, worried.
“I’m-“ Kaneki turned and Himawari was looking at him with her big, innocent orbs. Kaneki pushed Hide away and practically through himself at her, removing her socks. Kaneki was relieved to see her toes, kissing her feet and causing her to giggle.
Kaneki then picked her up and hugged her tightly, never wanting to let go. He looked over to see Yoshiaki looking at him with a worried expression, the strange behavior of his dad still fresh on his mind. Kaneki took him into his arms too and embraced him, startling him a bit.
There were in this position for a while before Himawari wiggled her way free and asked one more time if she could have white hair, causing Kaneki to jump and Hide took notice. Hide told her no and that was the end of it, she whined but ran off to play in her room. Yoshiaki was still on Kaneki’s lap and looked at his dad anxiously before he kissed him one last time to join his sister.
Kaneki sat in silence for a while before Hide asked if he was seeing those visions again. Kaneki told Hide about it right after Kaneki left the CCG. This is why Kaneki meditates in the quietness of the morning so he can repress these visions. Kaneki didnt answer him, only hanging his head and staring at the ground
“What did you see?” Hide asked breaking the silence, not looking at Kaneki and he washed the dishes.
Kaneki said nothing as he got up and left.
The sound of the front door opening and closing following soon after.