Archive of Our Own

Sunoo stares at the ceiling as he catalogs his thoughts into an easy to digest list.

1) If he looks to his left he'll see a cork board filled with pictures of his friend group. He eyed a polaroid of himself earlier for about three minutes; taking in the way his eyes curved softly as he smiled at the person taking the picture. Underneath it, a picture of Heeseung and Riki curled up on 8th Street's couch is hung up by a dark blue push pin. 2) The window is cracked open, letting in the Autumn air that's just on the wrong side of chilly, and any attempt to cover himself is thwarted by the fact that he is both naked and blanket less.

And most importantly, 3) The body in bed next to him is Jungwon. AKA his best friend Jungwon. AKA the one boy Sunoo swore he'd never mess with. AKA the person that has had Sunoo's heart wrapped in a pastel pink box, with a silky white ribbon tied in a bow on top, ever since he was seventeen.

It took Sunoo ten minutes to work up the courage to look at the body next to him, and only thirty seconds to have the nausea settle deep in his stomach; unforgiving in the way it choked Sunoo slowly. The only thing stopping himself from doing his usual routine: climbing quietly out of the bed, collecting his clothing while holding his breath, and running the second the coast is clear is the fact that this wasn't just some random hook up.

At some point Sunoo is going to have to look Jungwon in the eye again. He's not sure if he'll be able to. It's certainly not helping the urge to bolt.

Jungwon hums in his sleep, a sound that starts deep in his chest and travels until it makes its way out, rumbling both Jungwon's chest and Sunoo's arm where Jungwon's curled up against him.

Sunoo takes one look at his bare back—strong, unblemished, tan—and chokes on his own spit. He gathers his things in record time, and slips out the door before anyone else can become privy to their nightly activities.

8th Street House is a tricky subject and wholly deserving of the capitalization treatment. Sunoo signed the lease while under the influence of a mix of alcohol and weed, and if that wasn't a sign for how the next year of his life was going to play out, he doesn't know what was.

Here are the players:

Sunoo lays claim to one of the basement rooms, the bigger one that's closer to the bathroom and the stairs. There's one of those shitty excuses for a window above his bed that he cracks open when he lights his incense because the smell irritates Sunghoon, who occupies the other basement room.

Sunghoon's room falls under what Sunoo would call 'Jock Chic', while Sunghoon doesn't describe it as anything. He has a bed, a desk, and a dresser and that seems to be enough for him. He's never in his room when anybody needs him, and nobody ever needs him.

All this is to say: Sunghoon is a hermit disguised as a hot nineteen year old boy. Sunoo thought about it once years ago but, well, he'll tell that story later.

The ground floor has a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom, and two rooms even smaller than the basements. Anyone that can do simple math should realize that's one room less than what's needed.

The story goes: Heeseung showed up one day, a lopsided grin on his face, and asked for a favor from Jay. And because Jay is a weak man, he's let him stay in his room rent free for six months and counting. Heeseung could afford a place on his own, but where's the fun in that? Heeseung also has a million friends other than them that he could room with and have an actual bedroom, but again, where's the fun in that?

So, Jay and Heeseung share the largest bedroom on the top floor. They also share a bed— and spit, if the noises Sunoo hears at night have any indication of what goes on in that tiny twin bed.

Jake might as well give up his room and portion of the rent to Heeseung, because between his course load and practices for whatever sport he plays for their university, he's never home. Unless there's promises of free alcohol, then he's pre-gaming the pre-game.

Sunoo likes his home as much as anyone else likes their college accommodations. He doesn't think he quite fits the image of the small house, or blends in with the other inhabitants, but there's only so much he has control over, and he'd much rather pick cheap rent over worrying.

"You came home late last night."

Sunoo jerks his head up. He's been obsessively checking his phone to see if Jungwon will say anything to him. "What?"

Heeseung glances away from the TV. His face slowly falls into the look he usually uses on Jay. Having it directed at him makes Sunoo want to throw up. "Or should I say early? It was like," Heeseung pauses, and then makes a show of pulling his sleeve up to check his Apple Watch for the time, "eight A.M."

"That's early for you," Jake says casually, slumped next to Heeseung on the couch. "Or late." He furrows his brow, turning to Heeseung. Heeseung shrugs. "I don't know. Usually you leave directly after the sex. Not hours later."

Sunoo freezes. He doesn't even move to pick up his phone when he drops it onto the carpeted floor. It's seen better days, maybe it's best he doesn't touch it with bare hands. "What makes you think that's what happened?"

Jake snorts. "Dude, seriously?" He looks at Sunoo like he's stupid. Sunoo glares. "It was a Friday night," Jake says, standing down from the impromptu standoff.

"Doesn't mean I was having sex," Sunoo mumbles, mostly to himself.

Both Heeseung and Jake look up at him, wilfully unamused.

"Okay," Sunoo concedes.

It's a little awful that his roommates are so attuned to Sunoo's hookup ritual that they're on his ass the second something changes. He doesn't quite know how to feel about it, or even how to react to it, but he feels like there's something else there, poking out from the abyss that exists to carefully cradle the delicate intricacies that is the 8th Street House bubble map of friendship. Despite not living there, Riki and Jungwon both have their places on it, and honestly if Sunoo were to write it out they'd have pretty important roles in keeping them all together.

"You guys seem like fun," Jiheon told him three days after meeting each other. "I'm never stepping foot in that house, though."

Jiheon is a biology major who takes a bit too much pleasure out of dissection labs. She's methodical and is the only person Sunoo trusts to give him actual, usable advice. They met on the first day of some GenEd neither of them wanted to take, but sitting next to each other made it somewhat bearable. He loves and adores her but also hates her guts.

She's perfect until she isn't, like when she smiles up at him with her cat eyes and says: "Actually, is Jungwon single?"

Which, yes he is; has been since whatever happened between Jay and him in high school fizzled out before it really began, which happened after whatever happened between Sunoo and him didn't fizzle out, but more like was forcefully put out by Sunoo.

The idea of Jiheon and Jungwon going out makes Sunoo want to throw up; and he almost did, because every time he saw Jiheon for the first month of school she made it a point to bring Jungwon up, until Sunoo almost got down on his knees and begged her to leave Jungwon alone, despite them never meeting, and never would, if Sunoo had any say in the matter.

"I'm a lesbian," Jiheon said through tears, ignoring the way everyone in the back of the class was staring at them. Sunoo collapsed into a heap on the floor under their shared table, groaning when Jiheon reached a hand down to pat gently at his hair while saying, "It's alright Sunoo. Straight Jiheon isn't real, she can't hurt you."

Sunoo really isn't in any position to question why exactly the idea of Jungwon dating someone—even someone Sunoo himself can admit is objectively a good person, makes him react the way it does, because he's a little too busy freaking out over the whole 'sleeping with Jungwon' thing.

He's holding off on telling Jiheon about it for now, because in a beautiful reversal of roles, she'll actually try to come up with solutions, while Sunoo just wants to wallow in self pity for a bit. Sunoo will get there eventually, but for now he's hiding in his room and avoiding any situation that may end in Jungwon and him being in the same room.

Someone knocks on his door lightly, and when they step in Sunoo holds his breath awaiting whatever lecture Jay may give him at the state of his bedroom. Instead, he stands awkwardly in the gap between Sunoo's room and the hallway, shuffling his feet. "There's a party at Ash tonight, if you want to come," Jay says softly, like Sunoo is a baby deer and if he speaks too loudly he'll spook him, causing him to further run away from his problems.

Sunoo shakes his head. "Too busy," he replies, gesturing to the mess of textbooks on his bed. Sunoo knows he doesn't study, and most importantly Jay knows it too.

But thankfully, Jay is kind and willing to give Sunoo a little bit more time to himself. "Alright," he says easily, grabbing for the knob of the door. "If you change your mind, let me know." And with that he shuts the door quietly behind him, leaving no clue that he was there other than the heaviness on Sunoo's heart.

Horribly, the first person to ask Sunoo what's up with him is Riki. That isn't to say everyone isn't eyeing him weirdly every time they walk past him, but still, Riki is the first person to vocalize it. And in true Riki fashion he barges into Sunoo's room on a Tuesday night, commandeers his desk chair, and crosses his arms before turning to him and saying: "Sunoo-ssi, tell Dr. Riki what's wrong."

Sunoo can see his reflection in the mirror behind Riki. His mouth is dropped open and his hands are frozen on his laptop keyboard. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Riki replies, cocking an eyebrow at him.

If he could, Sunoo would bash Riki's head against the wall. Or his own. Anything to stop whatever is unfolding in front of him.

Instead, he sighs. "I'm not telling you."

Riki leans forward in his seat, eyes wide and mocking. "Why not?"

The thing about Riki that is most important to remember is that he is brash, a toe over the line of 'too much', and answers to no one but himself, but he is not unkind. It's something not a lot of people realize. Riki does things to get reactions, but he never comes from a place of malice. He just has a habit of going about things in an odd way.

Case in point: showing up to Sunoo's room tonight.

Behind the humor there is concern. Knowing this makes Sunoo feel a little bit better. He's still not going to spill his guts to Riki; that's a death sentence for him. Instead, he sighs and flops back onto the bed.

"It's not important," Sunoo says after a moment of silence.

Riki's adjusted himself in his seat, leaning back as he messes with all the things on Sunoo's desk. "It's important enough to have you visibly upset."

"I'll get over it." Sunoo tries again, pushing up so his head is against the wall. He looks over at Riki thoughtfully. "Why are you so concerned?"

"I don't like when you're quiet." Riki's words are quiet. He picks at the rips in his jeans while avoiding Sunoo's eye. He's never liked being anything that leans towards vulnerable with Sunoo. "Plus," he says again after a beat, a too-wide smile stretching over his face, "I know it has something to do with Jungwon. He's acting weird too."

Sunoo meets his eye for a second too long, at a complete loss for words. He opens his mouth but ultimately closes it.

Riki laughs. "Feels like the aftermath of Valentine's day my freshman year all over again."

Some context for Riki's statement: On Valentine's Day of Sunoo's senior year of high school Jungwon texted him asking if he was home, and then fifteen minutes later made his way down Sunoo's driveway in his beat up Volkswagen Jetta. Jungwon swore by that car, even though the transmission gave out once every two months. Sunoo has so many good memories in it. They had a send off for it when it gave out for good a month before Jungwon started college.

When Sunoo approached him, taking in the way Jungwon nervously kicked at the concrete, Jungwon had held out a singular rose and with shaking hands said: "Will you go out with me?"

Sunoo, in his shock, said yes.

Somehow, this wasn't anywhere near the end of the story.

It's hard to fully vocalize all the events that lead up to what Sunoo thinks is the worst decision he's ever made—mostly because it was a long game that they played for years until Sunoo, for better or for worse, apparently got tired of it and struck the final blow that went up in flames almost as easily as it had been to do it in the first place.

For some reason, Jiheon seems to be the only person Sunoo can talk to about this.

"So, you went out with Jungwon in high school?" Jiheon asks slowly, straightening her pastel highlighters into a straight line on the table.

Sunoo grimaces. "Not exactly, no."

"But you just said he asked you out?"

"Yeah."

Jiheon stares at him, eyes narrowed like she's ready to pounce on him and rip his throat out with her pointy acrylic nails.

Sunoo rubs a hand over his face. "It's complicated."

"Biostatistics is complicated," Jiheon says more under her breath than anything, and then looks up at Sunoo. "Uncomplicate it."

The seeds of pyromania blossomed into their fullest when Riki reached fifteen. They all tried—with varying levels of effort—to keep it contained enough for him to not cause any real trouble, but ultimately it was Jungwon who had the bright idea of weekly bonfires to help satiate Riki's need to burn things.

Sunoo eyed Riki as he teetered around the fire, poking and prodding the wood until the fire was to his liking. Eventually he sat back down in his fold out chair next to Heeseung, and only was it then that Sunoo realized Jay was missing.

He turns to Jake at his right. "Where's Jay," he says, and then adds after a full head count, "and Sunghoon?"

Jake shrugs. "They ran off like fifteen minutes ago." He looks over at his shoulder towards the door into the house. "Tell Sunghoon to bring me back some Doritos." He didn't say "If you go after them," because it was already obvious that Sunoo would. He wasn't sure why Jake thought that, seeing as Jay and Sunoo fell on the lower side of the duo rankings in the friend group, but he also didn't question it.

"Alright," Sunoo said as he got up from his chair, sending a smile in Jungwon's direction when he looked up at him quizzically.

The way down to Jungwon's basement was practically burned into Sunoo's head after years of hanging out in his house. When he reached the midlanding before the bottom, he started to be able to make out Jay and Sunghoon's voices.

"What do I do?" Jay's voice cracked on his final word, the wetness seeping through four simple words, making Sunoo's chest tighten.

"Talk to him?" Sunghoon said it more like a question. He was never the person first chosen to talk about serious topics, but Jay trusted him with his life, so Sunoo understood why him of all people.

Sunoo's final step down made a noise loud enough to be heard over Jay's sniffling, and they both looked up at him with varied levels of fear.

"Everything alright?

Jay wiped his nose, looking defeated. "You drove here, right?" he asked. And then when Sunoo nodded, "Wanna go for a drive?"

Sunoo took a deep breath, and then turned on his heel.

It wasn't until they were packed in Sunoo's car that Jay finally spoke.

"I like—like I totally don't want to tell you what to do or anything, and I really don't want you to do something you don't want to for my sake, but—" he broke off, sucking in a deep breath. He looked terrified and suddenly Sunoo was hit with the realization that whatever Jay had to say was going to change his life. "I really like Jungwon."

"Oh." Is all Sunoo could say, flicking on his turn signal. He didn't connect any music when they got in and he was starting to regret it. "That's—huh."

Jay's arms were crossed over his chest as he stared out the window. "I know he asked you out and everything but—like—I just felt like you needed to know." He turned his head to finally look at Sunoo for the first time since they got in the car.

Sunoo tried desperately to ignore the way Jay looked like his entire life ended the second Jungwon asked him out. It didn't work.

He took a deep breath. "I can back off, if you want."

Jay groaned. "I mean—yeah I do, but do you want to?"

Sunoo sighed and turned onto Jay's street.

"I just don't get it," Jiheon says, flicking to the next page of her textbook.

Sunoo visibly deflates. "Am I not making sense?" he asks, and then groans when Jiheon shakes her head. "Okay, let me try again."

"It's not fair," Sunoo whined into his phone.

And really, he wasn't even exaggerating. What self respecting man looking to have a good time would cancel on Sunoo. And last minute, at that. Sunoo douched for him. He scrubbed his entire body raw. Sunoo hogged the bathroom from a very angry Sunghoon for an almost criminal amount of time. How dare this man cancel on him.

Jungwon laughed over the phone. It's a specific Jungwon laugh Sunoo would feel warm at hearing, if only he wasn't caught up on the whole being stood up thing. The laugh was quieter than his normal one, more on the breathy side than anything else, and normally it would distract Sunoo from all the wrongs in the world.

"Life isn't fair," Jungwon replied, all the mirth brought on by his laughter dripped from his words. He said it kindly, not like the way his older sister used to. She would laugh at him as he complained about one thing or another and then stick out her tongue after she said her piece.

Sunoo always found the phrase a little condescending, but nothing could ever sound rude coming from Jungwon's mouth. At least, not to him.

"And it's like," Sunoo started, collapsing in a heap on his bed. The annoyance in his voice was surely noticeable, but Jungwon has the patience of someone with incredible self control. "I could go out and find someone else, but now my mood is ruined." His mouth burned with a bad taste and all of the liquor in the world couldn't mask it. Leaving his house wasn't worth it now.

Until, well. Until Jungwon hummed a tiny noise that resonated deep in Sunoo's stomach. "You could come over to my dorm."

He left it in the air like Sunoo's answer wouldn't affect him, all nonchalant in the way each word fell carefully from his mouth, because Jungwon has this ability to compartmentalize anything.

Sunoo chewed his lip. "Yeah—Yeah, we could hang out."

"I'll go down to the market and pick up some of that horrible ice cream you like so much." Jungwon must have been lying in his bed like Sunoo, because the sound of his blankets falling off him as he got up was picked up by his phone receiver.

Jungwon is lovely. Jungwon picks his words carefully. Jungwon knows exactly what he's trying to convey. Jungwon doesn't worry if who he's speaking to doesn't understand him, as long as he knows.

Jungwon offers to try to fix Sunoo's night. Jungwon offers to buy Sunoo ice cream he won't be able to finish in one night—ice cream that will sit in his tiny freezer until the next time Sunoo makes his way to his dorm, because it's a flavor Jungwon doesn't like. Jungwon doesn't buy ice cream he likes.

Sunoo wished he could put a name to the emotion coursing through him at this moment. But he's never been one to dwell on things not easily fixed. "I'll head your way."

"See you soon," Jungwon said lightly.

If Sunoo thought hard enough he could conjure up the image of Jungwon smiling, dimples on display. "Sounds good."

As Jiheon packs up all her study materials into her backpack she looks down at Sunoo with an unreadable look on her face. "Have you ever thought about how things would have went if you didn't back off?"

Sunoo doesn't look up from his textbook, pen clenched in his fist.

"Jay and Jungwon didn't work out," she says slowly. "Maybe you two would've."

When she turns to leave, Sunoo speaks to her back, because he doesn't have the strength to say it to her face. "I hope it would have."

She doesn't turn around, but Sunoo can still feel her pitying look.

It needs to be said that between Jungwon and him, Sunoo is the one most likely to be described as a word that starts with W and ends with HORE. He doesn't feel any sort of shame in that fact, no matter how much his older sister thinks he should. It's easy to explain it away with claims of "Gay guys don't want to date nowadays, they just want to hookup!" Or at least, his sister doesn't argue when he does, but it really is only half true.

The other half may have something to do with a certain someone, but it's not the time or place to speculate. He has better things to do—like complain.

"I'm stuck in a prison of my own creation," Sunoo says, tucked into the farthest end of the couch from Jay. The TV is quiet, playing some Law and Order: SVU rerun that only Jay is paying attention to, although Jay seems like the last person in the house to watch a show like that.

Jay swallows loudly. "I still don't really understand why you're avoiding Jungwon," he says, pushing a chunk of spam across his plate. Jay acts as their in-house chef, but he eats in a ritual that leaves Sunoo wondering what goes on in his head. Once everything is sufficiently piled into bites, he speaks again. "But I do know it's probably gonna bite you in the ass soon."

Sunoo scowls as Benson and Stabler take off across a street after a suspect, and as Jay takes a bite of one of his piles, a happy, contented noise escaping his throat. "I pray you never do." And really, he means that. Jay and Jungwon have a past that rivals Jungwon and his, and the last thing Sunoo wants to do is explore both of them today.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jay asks, because he is woefully unable to read the fucking room. "I don't have class until three." He is smart, kind, and a really good friend. That fact should not sour Sunoo's mood the way it does.

"Nope!" Sunoo says fake cheerfully, shooting up from the couch. On the TV, Benson and Stabler are shut in an interrogation room with the suspect, getting ready for hours of grilling him about his sexual history. Sunoo feels a bit like he's watching what could be the next three hours of his life. "I have plans. Thanks anyways."

Jay bids him goodbye, eyes wandering back to the TV as soon as Sunoo is out of sight. He smiles around a spoonful of food when he realizes the interrogation seems to be going in the favor of the cops.

From his place in the doorway, Sunoo shudders.

Back during middle school, when Sunoo was cursed with the most horrific hairstyle, and Jungwon didn't have enough of a backbone to inform him, they had what was—up until the point in time when Sunoo had the bright idea of putting his dick in Jungwon—the first incident of them not speaking for more than two hours. Their friends, of which only consisted of Jay, Sunghoon, and sometimes Heeseung at the time, were perplexed, but not more so than their mothers, who gossiped loudly over the phone to each other every night for the entire week long period that was their fight.

"Don't you think you're overreacting?" His mom asked on day two, convinced it would only take a little push to fix things.

Sunoo whipped around in his chair, fully prepared to whine his way through an explanation of how he's totally not, only to be interrupted by his sister dropping a bowl of rice in front of him and saying: "Maybe Jungwon's better off without you." In her all-knowing older sister voice that she knew would rile him up enough to get through his overly gelled bowl cut and land directly in his brain.

And really, his mother was right. Jury is forever out on whether or not his sister was, but that's neither here nor there.

The short of it is: they couldn't agree on a song to listen to, and their clambering to defend their individual picks ended in them insulting each others song choice, leading to an ice storm that left nobody in its path unchilled.

Things were much simpler in middle school. Sunoo wishes his biggest problem was Jungwon thinking Wonder Girls are better than Girls Generation. Unfortunately for him and everyone around him, the dumpster fire he's ignoring rather than attempt to put out is so much bigger than that.

If A+B=C where A stands for Sunoo sleeping with his best friend, B stands for the absolute guilt and shame that came over him the next morning, and C stands for the inevitable conclusion to avoid Jungwon at all costs, then how in the fresh hell did he end up sitting on Jungwon's dorm room floor surrounded by half of their friends?

It's been two weeks since Sunoo last spoke to Jungwon and in that time he's gotten his ears pierced. It effects Sunoo more than he feels it should, but it's so incredibly hard to steer the thoughts about how it went away. Did Jay go with him? Riki? Did he squeeze his eyes shut in pain? Hold someones hand? Did he wish Sunoo was there instead?

The silver of his jewelry catches Sunoo's eye every few seconds or so, glittering in a way that pierces Sunoo's line of vision, making him unable to look away. His hands still, mind momentarily forgetting the job he's been given.

Jungwon gently elbows him in the side. "Can I have some?" He raises an eyebrow when Sunoo stares at him openly, eyes wide in surprise. "Are you alright?" he asks, like they haven't been on opposites sides of a chasm the past two weeks and Sunoo's behavior is not easily explained.

"Yeah," Sunoo replies, voice soft. He makes quick work of the orange in his hands, doing his best to peel as much as the pith off as he can. "Here you go," he says unnecessarily as he hands off a slice. Jungwon's fingers momentarily brush his and Sunoo shivers.

"Thank you," Jungwon says around the slice, chewing slowly.

How Sunoo got here, talking to Jungwon for the first time after the world shattering act of sleeping with him, he isn't really sure, but the air around them is only about 25% awkward, so things could really be worse.

Everyone around them is trying to figure out something—Sunoo isn't sure what exactly it is, but they keep getting louder and louder as they argue.

Jungwon elbows him lightly in the side again. "What's going on?" he asks, voice light. When Sunoo turns to look at him he's smiling slightly, like he's glad to have Sunoo to himself, if only for a small moment.

"No clue," Sunoo says, wiping the remainders of the orange juice from his hands onto one of Jungwon's shitty dollar store towels. "But they'll figure it out eventually."

Jay has taken lead of the conversation, arms thrown out like he's trying to stop Sunghoon from attacking him. Jungwon turns his attention to him with a smile. "We always do." There's something else there in his words, something Sunoo is afraid to determine.

Instead, he shrugs. "I guess so."

They lapse into silence, letting the argument take center stage. Sunoo gathers that it's about dinner plans, of all things. Not everything is a fight with them, but the mundane things are. Jay wants to head back to 8th Street and barbeque, while Sunghoon wants to go out to eat. So simple, yet something that incurs a twenty minute long argument.

Eventually Jungwon either takes pity on Jay, or just gets tired of the entire thing. "Let's just go back to 8th. I don't have the money to eat out."

"I can pay for you," Jay says, abandoning his entire stance for Jungwon. Always for Jungwon; anything in the world for Jungwon.

Sunoo clenches his hands into fists so tightly his fingernails dig half moon shapes into his palms. When Jungwon looks over at him expectantly, he offers a pinched smile. "Yeah. 8th sounds fine."

Jungwon smiles saccharinely at him.

Not then, not now, not ever, will Sunoo be able to compete.

Jungwon adopted Riki his Junior year of high school. They met when Riki ran into the boy's bathroom near the cafeteria and yelled into the fray: "Does anyone have any nic?"

Jungwon—future senior class president—didn't, but surprisingly, Sunoo did.

(Senioritis hit Sunoo like a freight train, and in his desire to not go to college a loser he had a very short lived delinquent phase. The end came when his mom found his collection of empty puff bars, and his sister had laughed as he bawled his eyes out in the living room through apologies and promises of quitting.)

Sunoo never really liked the idea of hanging out with a freshman, but Riki made Jungwon happy, so he sucked it up. For Jungwon's sake. There's not a lot he wouldn't do for Jungwon's sake.

Their friend group is chaotic but somehow it functions. Sunoo doesn't even remember how he met half of these people; it feels like one day he walked into Jungwon's backyard and suddenly that's how the rest of his life was going to go. He's not necessarily mad about it. At least, not super mad about it. He gets annoyed sometimes, like when Jungwon bails on plans because Jay wanted to check out the new restaurant that opened up four blocks from 8th street, or anytime Riki opens his mouth.

They make it work. Mostly.

The worst of it happens approximately three weeks after 'The Incident'. It's another Friday, but this time they're all spread out in the backyard of 8th Street and it's such a perfect replica of that night during Sunoo's senior year it makes his head spin. At least Jungwon is talking to him again. Or Sunoo is talking to Jungwon again. It's really all too complicated to keep straight.

As always, it's Heeseung that decides to cause problems.

"What was I supposed to do? Jake gave up sucking dick for lent," he says, like it's a completely normal thought process. He dunks his skewered marshmallow into the fire put lazily as he speaks.

Jay, in his seat next to Heeseung that he's slowly inching further and further away, balks. "Not get a blowjob from a lesbian, for one."

Heeseung makes a face. "It wasn't like it was a bad blowjob, or anything."

"She was a lesbian!" Jay's face is getting increasingly more red. His marshmallow lights on fire in solidarity. Sunoo would be worried about his blood pressure is Jay wasn't the type to care about heart health and things like that.

"She came onto me!" Heeseung throws his free hand in the air, scowling when Jay makes to punch him, only he falls short and instead lays his hand gently on Heeseung's bicep.

Sunoo tries to wrap his head around the conversation, but one look at Jungwon has him breaking out into laughter.

Jungwon joins in, almost dropping his marshmallow into the fire. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" he asks, bringing a hand up to wipe at his eyes.

"Once you get laid you'll understand," Heeseung says dismissively.

Jungwon shakes his head. "I have and I still don't."

"I thought you were a virgin?" Jay asks. His beanie is snug on his head, almost falling into his eyes. Heeseung reaches a hand up to tug it back.

"No." Jungwon says simply, blowing on his marshmallow.

"Yeah. He's not," Sunoo says, handing Jungwon the box of graham crackers when he motions for it.

Jay stares at him like he's grown another head. "What are you guys talking about?"

Jungwon shrugs. "Not a virgin. Is it really that hard to understand?" He assembles his s'more with the same practiced movements he dances with, smooth and easy.

Sunoo laughs. "I know you have your soft spot but c'mon."

"But last month you said—you were a virgin then?" Jay's brows are pinched together as he stares at Jungwon.

"And now I'm not." Jungwon takes a bite out of his s'more. Simple as that.

Now, it's Sunoo's turn to stare at Jungwon like he's crazy. "You were a virgin a month ago?"

Jungwon nods.

"But now you're—oh my god." Sunoo freezes.

Jungwon looks at him, really looks at him for the first time since that night. He takes a deep breath and then says: "But now I'm not."

The million dollar question hanging over Sunoo's head like an animated gloomy storm cloud: How does he live with the fact that he took his best friends virginity? And doubly: Unknowingly, and with no forethought at all? Another one, because all Sunoo has right now is questions: How does he move on from this?

Sunoo remembers that night in flashes, mostly because he can't allow himself to fully remember. The whole situation is just one big giant dumpster fire Sunoo can't put out. It doesn't help that explaining his thought process makes him sound crazier than he actually is.

Jiheon blinks at him when he finishes, which is a step up from the squinted look of annoyance she had for the majority of it. "Let me get this straight," she says, sitting up in her seat and flicking her hands out over the table.

Sunoo resists any and every urge to make a very stupid joke that would just end in Jiheon packing her bag up and leaving him at their table, no step closer than figuring out the shit show that is his brain. He nods after a beat of silence from her.

Her eyes are slightly glazed over. It doesn't bode well for Sunoo. "You accidentally slept with your best friend, the best friend that you have feelings for, but don't really have feelings for, but you actually do, and you don't know what to do?" Jiheon's hands dance in the air as she speaks, like by moving them around vigorously she'll find out the answer. "I got it all, right?"

"Pretty much." Sunoo's voice is pinched, and he feels a headache coming on. He brings a hand up to rub at his forehead. "I just—like I don't know what happened. We were just supposed to eat ice cream," he finishes lamely, sinking down into his seat.

Jiheon picks her chopsticks back up. "Was it good?" she asks, and then pops a chunk of chicken into her mouth.

Sunoo chooses to focus on her lips as she chews instead of thinking about having sex with Jungwon, because that'll lead him to the point of no return. She's always looked a but like a cat to Sunoo, and she eats with a muted veracity only one would have. He swallows dryly. "I guess."

"Would you do it again?"

A wounded noise escapes Sunoo's throat. He stumbles over a few different responses before landing on a repeat of: "I guess."

"There's your answer," Jiheon says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. It's the same tone of voice she uses when she corrects Sunoo on things they learned in class, or when she has to repeat her Starbucks order to him, because really he should know it by heart by now. "Bang him again, maybe confess." She takes a sip from her cup as she shrugs. "What else is there to do?"

"Die." Is Sunoo's fully honest answer.

Jiheon smacks him over the head with her copy of And Then There Were None. It's a hardback and does nothing to help Sunoo's impending headache. "Quit it," she hisses. She wipes off the back cover like somehow touching Sunoo's freshly washed hair dirtied it completely. "Call him. Or text him. It's preferable you don't send him a nude out of the blue, but maybe that's your style, or his. I'm not here to judge."

Sunoo doesn't deign that with a response.

As it turns out, Jungwon is the one that comes to him.

And well. If that isn't a surprise. Sunoo has known Jungwon a long time, has seen him through too many different phases and interests to count, but one thing he will always achieve is surprising Sunoo. He almost has it down to an art, the way he pulls thing completely out of left field just to sit back and watch Sunoo react, his eyes practically screaming look at me, look at what I did, look at how much I can shock you.

Sunoo had no real reason to be here. He made up some half baked excuse to get himself through the door. Though, really, he's never had to make up an excuse to see Jungwon. It's barely a memory is Sunoo's brain.

He's halfway through exiting the door when Jungwon clears his throat and asks the question that will set in motion the end of Sunoo's life. He shakes his head, the words not quite sticking. "Sorry, what was that?"

Jungwon's fiddling with the tag on his blanket when Sunoo turns back to look at him. "I said, do you maybe want to make it a thing?" It being—them sleeping together.

He'll spell it out for you, just incase you haven't realized it quite yet: Sunoo can never say no to Jungwon. Half of that fight in middle school was because Jungwon got mad at him for immediately backing down. The ability to say no to him just isn't in Sunoo's DNA makeup.

Sunoo knocks on the doorframe. "Yeah. We can do that."

"But do you want to?" Jungwon asks, voice playing at being coy.

It makes Sunoo's head spin, this new side of Jungwon he's seeing. "Of course," he says, entirely too honest.

As Jungwon grins up at him, it dawns on Sunoo that they'll never be able to reverse the changes they're making; and moreso, the fact that he doesn't want to. If this is the only way he can have Jungwon, then so be it. He can live. He's a big boy. He can ignore the way his heart feels like it's being pulled from his chest, all the connective tissue around it being plucked slowly, as if it's some sort of sick, twisted foreplay.

Riki's laying in Sunoo's bed when he finally makes his way back home. All the lights are off, the only thing providing Sunoo with enough light to make Riki's face out is his diffuser.

"Drop some of the stress relief blend in there." Sunoo motions to it. He drops his bag onto the floor. "I really need it."

Riki raises an eyebrow, but does as he's told. He stretches over, and only after Riki's eyes leave him does Sunoo start crying. "Hey, what the fuck?" Riki asks when he turns back around. He watches intently as Sunoo drops onto the end of the bed, shoulders shaking. "Crybaby."

"Fuck you," Sunoo says miserably, wiping at his eyes. "Do you—like—have to be here right now? Can I please have my breakdown in peace?"

"Why are you having a breakdown?"

Sunoo quickly turns his head, jabbing a finger into Riki's side. "I don't have time for your Dr. Riki bullshit right now! Go away!"

"Okay, okay, okay," Riki repeats, yanking Sunoo's hand away from his torso. "Fuckin' quit it." He holds Sunoo's hand in his, an incredulous look on his face. "What is wrong with you? Seriously, let me help."

Sunoo pants, blinking fast. Riki looks genuinely concerned, none of his fake bullshit sympathy he uses to learn information, he's genuinely worried about Sunoo.

"Oh my god," Sunoo says, flopping back onto the bed. "I'm about to spill my guts to a child."

Riki drops his hand, and then repays the favor by jabbing a finger into Sunoo's side. "I'm sixteen. That's old enough to drive. I can be trusted with things."

"You don't even have your license," Sunoo says, half under his breath. He yelps when Riki jabs him again, hands flying down to stop him. "You quit it! Have some fucking empathy."

"You're really upset," Riki says, letting up on his torture to lay down next to Sunoo. "You're usually nicer to me, for some reason."

Sunoo sighs. "You're just a kid," he says quietly. "Can't be too harsh. That's mean."

"And it'll upset Jungwon," Riki points out, and then gasps when Sunoo's face drops. "Oh my god, what happened? Jungwon?"

"This isn't going to make me feel any better, is it?" Sunoo asks rhetorically.

Riki gives him an answer anyways. "Probably not."

It doesn't, but Riki also stays the night, citing some bullshit reason about making sure you don't off yourself over something this stupid.

Riki used to hate sleepovers, being away from the safety of his own bed a little too much for his fourteen year old self to handle—but he never said no, and he never called his mom to come pick him up in the middle of the night like Sunoo used to in elementary school.

He came to Sunoo one night, mouth pressed into a straight line, like if he spoke he'd beg Sunoo to take him home. Wordlessly, he had pointed to the space on the floor next to Sunoo, and smiled when Sunoo groaned and told him to lay down.

Riki hugs in his sleep, a little too tight for it to be comfortable for anyone but him, but tonight Sunoo appreciates the way it grounds him, lulls him into a false sense of security, tells him everything will be alright.

Jungwon's first kiss was Jay when he was seventeen. Sunoo remembers it the second Jungwon gets his tongue in his mouth. Knowing that everything Jungwon is doing was learned from Jay should be some sort of turn off, should be the kick that finally gets Sunoo to come back to his sense and put and end to this, but it isn't.

He got the text halfway through his study session with Jiheon, a playful, stomachache inducing message inviting Sunoo to Jungwon's dorm room. She muttered something that sounded like stupid boy under her breathe as he rushed to pack up his things, but he was too busy thinking about Jungwon to really care.

Apparently the realization causes Sunoo to slack off. Jungwon pulls back with a pout on his spit slicked lips. "Am I boring you?" he asks, a little meanly.

Sunoo drops his hands down to grip at his hips. "No. Sorry."

When Jungwon kisses him again Sunoo does his best to put his everything into it. This is something Sunoo has simultaneously dreamed of and repressed for years—the want, the need to have Jungwon this close. He makes a tiny noise into Sunoo's mouth and that's really what does him in.

Sunoo shoves him down, breaking the kiss long enough for Jungwon to laugh, full bodied and open the way he always does with Sunoo, before descending on him again. His hands go everywhere and anywhere he can reach—caressing Jungwon's cheek, stroking his hair, clutching at his hips, thighs, and reaching up his shirt to touch his stomach.

He pulls away again, ignoring the almost wounded sound Jungwon makes. "This is okay, right?"

"Sunoo, you've seen my dick," Jungwon deadpans. "You can feel me up. It's alright."

Sunoo makes a noise. "Yeah. Okay. Got it," he says, and then grunts when Jungwon pulls him back down.

Jungwon is demanding, pulling Sunoo every which way, putting him exactly where he wants him. If he were anyone else Sunoo would complain a little, but he isn't. He lets Jungwon toy with him, because how is it any different from every other aspect of their friendship?

It isn't until Jungwon attempts to unbuckle Sunoo's belt with one hand that it fully sinks in—Jungwon's inexperience. It's not shown in his movements, he's obviously touched a dick before, knows the moves and what feels good, but in his eyes is a look Sunoo's never seen before. Sunoo has rarely seen Jungwon do something and not have that air of confidence around him, the cockiness that comes with doing something you know so well you could do it in your sleep.

Sunoo reaches a hand up to curl around Jungwon's bicep. "It's okay, I got you."

"I'm the one that has you," Jungwon says, only half joking, and then he does something with his wrist that has Sunoo shaking and whining, hand squeezing impossibly tight around Jungwon's arm. "Yeah, that's right," he says again, dropping his head down to knock their foreheads together, and smirks when Sunoo goes cross eyed trying to look at his mouth, "Good, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Sunoo says breathlessly.

Next week, when he stops by to drop off the shirt he accidentally stole when he left, Sunoo will look at Jungwon's bed and remember the way Jungwon rubbed circles into his hip as he slowly sank into Sunoo, eyebrows pinched in concentration. He'll remember how Jungwon had sounded, mouth busy with a futile attempt at muffling his noises into Sunoo's neck. The way he clung to Sunoo afterwards, chest heaving up and down, covered in a mixture of Sunoo and himself.

For now, though, he reaches his hands behind Jungwon to grab at his ass, and squeeze.

"I’m sorry you didn’t get to go to your dick appointment," Jungwon said to Sunoo twenty minutes after he arrived at his dorm room. He was wearing a loose fitting gray shirt Sunoo recognized as Jay's, and then shoved a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth at.

After he swallowed, Sunoo replied, "All that getting ready for nothing."

Jungwon reached over to take the carton from Sunoo and sat it on his nightstand. When he was done, he slid a hand back to thread through the hair at Sunoo's nape. "It doesn’t have to be for nothing," he said, inconspicuously enough, the only thing that gave away his intentions was the way he spread his legs slowly, drawing Sunoo's eyes to them.

"Do you mean that?" Sunoo asked, voice rough. He swallowed as he watched Jungwon push his bangs out of his eyes.

A month after the first time they sleep together, Sunoo's laying in his own bed next to Jungwon, covers haphazardly pulled over them. He turns to Jungwon and asks, "The ice cream melted, didn't it?"

It makes Jungwon laugh a little too suddenly. "I think it was worth it," he says in lieu of an answer.

"Was it?"

Jungwon makes a face. "Yeah, of course," he says, a little dismissively. He sits up, groaning lightly as he does, and reaches for his shirt. "It was fun," he explains once his shirt is over his head.

Sunoo wants to fix his hair, which ends up every which way once it's on, but touching Jungwon feels a little off limits now. The lines that were once drawn clearly in the sand have been half washed away by waves, leaving Sunoo to deal with the fact that he's not sure what's appropriate now.

Instead, he turns away to look at the ceiling, not looking away until long after Jungwon leaves.

"Why wouldn't I?" Jungwon asked, crowding in closer to Sunoo. His hand had fell to rest on Sunoo's neck, thumb just under the point where Sunoo's jaw meets his ear.

Sunoo blinked. "I just—I mean—We."

"Tell me to back off and I will," Jungwon said.

I can back off, if you want. Sunoo remembered saying so long ago. He swallowed, and shook his head.

Jungwon grinned.

Sunoo thinks God is punishing him for sleeping with Jungwon. He doesn't necessarily believe in a higher power, but whatever's out there is definitely pissed at him; and really, it's all his fault. All of his encounters with Jungwon end somewhat like this:

Jungwon peeks up at Sunoo from his tiny, tiny twin XL bed, so very naked, a thin layer of sweat covering all of the skin Sunoo can see, which is a lot. "That was fun," he says, fingers lazily tracing shapes into the sheets.

"Right," Sunoo says a bit too fast, right arm already shoved into his shirt. "I'll uh—I'll see you around."

And because sex with Sunoo has, for some reason, turned Jungwon into an absolute monster, he giggles and calls out, "I'll text you later!" to Sunoo's retreating back.

It's fun—great even—but Sunoo still can't shake the idea that someone up in the cosmos is laughing at him.

"Are you and Jungwon sleeping together?"

Sunoo chokes on his cereal. "What?"

Jay looks nervous, shuffling his feet in the doorway. "I asked—"

"Yeah, I heard you." Sunoo cuts him off. He groans, dropping his spoon into his bowl. "Why do you think that we're—"

Jay cuts him off in return, a pinched look on his face. "You're both acting weird, and I haven't seen you at any parties in weeks." You haven't been hooking up with random guys three times a week is written between the lines of his words.

Sunoo dry swallows, because any and every drop of moisture left his mouth the second Jay first started talking. "Are you going to be mad at my answer?" he asks, which is enough of a confirmation as any.

"What?" Jay asks. "Why would I be mad?" And when Sunoo makes an it's kind of obvious? face he continues, "I'm not mad, it's just that things were so—and now they're like—and I just," he breaks off, a look of desperation on his face, "I want things to be okay for you guys."

"What do you mean by that?" Sunoo asks, pushing his bowl away.

Jay stomps his foot and then joins him at the table. The chair legs screech as he scooches closer to the table. They both cringe. "I ruined things between you two. Back in high school. And I've always felt so guilty about it."

Sunoo watches as Jay worries his bottom lip between his teeth, and then laughs, throwing himself forward on the table. He wipes at his eyes, before breaking out into more laughter at the shocked look on Jay's face. "Sorry, sorry. It's just—really funny, is all."

Jay looks a little bit like he's about to cry.

"Don't feel guilty," Sunoo says, reaching a hand to hold Jay's. "You just complicated things, is all. We'll figure things out, Jungwon and I always do." It sounds almost like a wish, something that he wants, but isn't sure is true.

It must blow over Jay's head, because he smiles. "Okay, if you say so."

He walks away from their fourth encounter with cum in his eye. Jungwon laughs not unkindly at him as he wipes Sunoo's face with a tissue. "Sorry about that," he says softly, bunching up the tissue and tossing it across the room into his trashcan.

Sunoo ignores the way his eye burns, because while Jungwon doesn't look particularly put out by the situation, he doesn't want to worry him. "It's alright. At least I don't wear contacts or anything."

Jungwon looks down shyly as he laughs. "Yeah, that's good." When he looks back up his cheeks are pink. "Still, not exactly a situation to brag about."

"Are you kidding?" Sunoo asks, faux disbelievingly. "I'm going to brag to everyone about it. Next time I see Jay I'll tell him 'Jungwon got cum in my eye, don't you wish that were you?'"

Jungwon shoots across the bed to slap a hand over Sunoo's mouth. "Shut up! Oh my god." It barely stifles the laughter coming from Sunoo. "You're horrible," he says, slowly pulling his hand away to scratch at his forehead.

From his position reclined on the bed, Sunoo can tell Jungwon's bangs are getting a bit too long. The urge to brush them out of his eyes is strong, but he refuses to give in. He's still laughing, going on so long it's starting to hurt deep in his side.

"Besides," Jungwon says once Sunoo's laughter dies down, "I don't think he'd care all that much."

"Maybe not from a jealousy standpoint, but his reaction would be hilarious."

Jungwon quiets. He's looking at his hands when Sunoo turns to look at him.

"What's up?" Sunoo asks, a little afraid of the answer.

"I just—have you told anyone about…this?" Jungwon asks slowly, still not looking at Sunoo.

"No, not really." It's only a half truth. He told Jiheon, but Jungwon doesn't mean anyone, vague; he means anyone, specific. Specifically their friends.

"Me neither."

Sunoo lets it sit in the air, because if he were to say what he wanted to say, that'd end things. He can't ask Jungwon if he wants people to know, because then that's putting a label on what they are; which makes it real. He can't make it real because then feelings will be brought into it, and he's afraid to find out what exactly Jungwon wants from him.

Sure, Jungwon started this chapter of things, but Sunoo was the one that wrote the introduction. This is all his fault. At the end of the day, this is what Sunoo wanted, not Jungwon. Jungwon just saw an opportunity and took it.

Sunoo isn't ready to tell Jungwon he wants it to be more than a few secret fucks a week, because then he'd have to admit to himself just how much he feels for him.

It's a game of cat and mouse; push and pull. Completely ignoring the implications of what they're doing, because if they acknowledge it then they can never continue. And maybe Jungwon doesn't want to stop; Sunoo surely doesn't. But maybe they don't want to stop for completely different reasons, and those reasons won't just end this thing between them—a thing that was precariously built over a sinkhole, a thing that will collapse with just one wrong word—but their friendship entirely, and that—

Sunoo can't have that happen.

It's so easy to sit back and watch the waves crash over the beach, slowly ridding any evidence of the lines that were once drawn between Sunoo and Jungwon. Eventually, it gets to the point of Sunoo lying to himself—everytime he looks at Jungwon his brain loops: There was no way to stop it. It was fated to happen.

Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. Sunoo has obviously forgone running out onto the beach, stick in hand, to attempt to redraw them.

That does not mean it's getting any easier.

When Jungwon wraps his hand around Sunoo it almost feels like he's taken ahold of Sunoo's heart. He moves slowly, deliberately, and with each moment Sunoo gets closer and closer to blurting it all out. When they're lying side by side afterwards, coming down in a weighted silence, Sunoo has to clench his teeth to ensure he doesn't speak. When he's inside Jungwon, or the other way around, he has to ground himself in order to not say anything.

Jungwon mistakes it as embarrassment. "No don't. I want to hear you," he says, hips slowly to an almost still. "Please?" he asks, voice sickly sweet, "For me?"

It's a wonder Sunoo lasted as long as he did.

Sunoo stares at Jungwon as he comes down, chest heaving and glistening with sweat and Jungwon. He can't help himself. And maybe that's why, after sitting on the beach, far from the danger of the waves taking him too, Sunoo runs toward the ocean with no hesitation.

"Be careful," Jungwon says, picking up a shirt from the floor. Sunoo takes one look at the emblem printed on the front before wanting to throw up because it's his. "Staring at me like that, you'll make a guy think you're in love with him."

Sunoo doesn't have it in him to deny it, or respond in any way. He just continues to stare. The water surrounds him quickly, and it should drag him down, choke him in a way he's never felt before, but instead he feels calm for the first time in so long.

Jungwon pauses, one arm stuck pathetically in the neck hole. "What?"

Sunoo doesn't know what to do—can't really do anything other than fall back onto the bed and drag a pillow over his face. He screams, because it's what he's been wanted to do since that first night, and that whole thing about releasing your feelings makes you feel better used to make Sunoo scoff because even after he told Jiheon and Riki and Jay he never felt any different, but this…this is it; this is what he needed. Just a little reprieve from it all.

Of course, it only lasts for a second before Jungwon is ripping the pillow away, throwing it to the other corner of the room like it burns his hands where he's clutched it so tightly in his grip. Sunoo can't bring himself to open his eyes, but he can tell Jungwon is hovering over him, waiting for a response.

There really is no other choice than to come clean. He had the chance to keep pretending, but instead of taking it he did…whatever this was. Collapse in a heap of self pitying gayness, or something. Sunoo rubs at his forehead. "Okay just—give me a second."

And because Jungwon is Jungwon; because he is kind and patient and the boy of Sunoo's dreams he sits back and waits. He waits for Sunoo to collect his thoughts, for him to ready himself as much as he'll ever be able to. Jungwon sits pretty on his heels on Sunoo's bed looking like he owns it, as well as Sunoo's heart, because there was never a moment that he didn't own everything that is Sunoo.

"Do you remember my senior year?" Is what Sunoo settles on as a starter. It shocks Jungwon, but not as much as it shocks himself, because only whatever God Sunoo may or may not believe in knows where that came from. "I couldn't even let myself be happy when you asked me out, because I knew it'd destroy Jay." And the funniest part is that Jungwon and Jay didn't even really happen. They were nothing more than a blip on the radar, nothing more than what Jungwon and Sunoo were supposed to be. "But I was. I was so happy."

"I was more scared asking you out than I was taking my drivers test," Jungwon says quietly, hands curled into fists where they're resting on the tops of his thighs. It's a crazy thought, because Sunoo knows for a fact Jungwon threw up four times the morning of his test.

Sunoo huffs out a laugh. "I don't even remember how we went back from that."

Jungwon smiles, one eye shut. "Me neither."

"It's like—like you were my everything, something more than just a high school crush, more than a best friend. You still are, but back then it was something so all-consuming, something that encompased everything I was and everything I wanted to be. I hated the idea of Jay having you the way I wanted you, but I hated the idea that I couldn't be what you wanted more, because Jay is so much more than me." Sunoo takes a breath, one that comes from somewhere deep in him, that gives him the courage to go on. "So I thought the best thing I could do was let you go. And maybe if you and I were meant to be, you'd come back to me."

"Oh." Jungwon's eyes are bright. "I did," he says simply.

Just like that Sunoo’s crying, folding in on himself, face buried in his hands.

All of Jungwon's niceness drains out just like that. He laughs at Sunoo, loud and bright. "Hey, c'mon. I should be the one crying."

"What are you talking about?" Sunoo asks, voice sounding vaguely like he's underwater. He attempts to pout through the sobs.

Jungwon grins. "You rejected me, remember?" He reaches a hand up to pinch Sunoo's cheek.

"I didn't reject you, I backed off. There's a difference." Sunoo attempts to dodge, but it only half works in his favor.

Jungwon's hand misses his cheek, but lands on Sunoo's shoulder. "Yeah, okay. Whatever."

"I'll make it up to you," Sunoo promises.

He almost expects Jungwon to laugh again, to cross his arms and tell Sunoo he has a lot of work to do, because he does. This thing—between them. It's something a bit too much to handle, but Sunoo wants to, he wants to have it under control so bad. He feels so much for Jungwon it makes him feel crazy.

Jungwon smiles, and because he is wonderful and kind, "You already did," he insists.