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Lucy had never been so happy to see a case get wrapped up. It had been a torment of a week - everything from the murder itself through to the final arrest had stretched the team to its limits. And to top it off, rain had plagued the island the last three days, adding to the difficulties surrounding the investigation. Flooding had destroyed nearly all of the outdoor evidence and she’d lost count of the number of extra changes of clothes she’d had to bring to the office. Now, it was done, the paperwork could wait until Monday, and all Lucy wanted was a hot shower, her pajamas, and a mug of decaf coffee before bed.
Her twenty minute drive home was doubled by road closures and stalled traffic in nearly every intersection. The windshield wipers could barely keep up with the torrent and Lucy felt a rush of relief upon entering the dry paradise of her single-car garage. All she had left was the quick twenty feet or so around to the front of the house and she’d be golden. But as she rounded the corner, her head tucked down to avoid getting water in her eyes, there sat a dark figure on her doorstep and on instinct, Lucy pulled her gun.
There sat FBI Special Agent Kate Whistle just under the overhang, absolutely soaked through and looking like she’d had quite possibly a worse day than Lucy. Her hair, now almost brown in the rain, was in a ponytail that was now stuck to her shoulders and what might have passed as workout clothes stuck to her skin like wet rags. It was a state of unkempt physicality that Lucy had never seen in the other woman before.
“Sorry I…,” Kate began, her hands innocently in the air though Lucy could barely hear her over the deluge. “I should’ve called. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Lucy quickly holstered her weapon and dug her keys out of her pocket, fumbling to get the right one between her fingers.
“Did you run here with the windows down?”
Lucy’s wry attempt at humor went unnoticed; Kate’s gaze seemed so distant that Lucy thought she might be on a different planet. She turned the lock in one fluid motion, hooked a hand under Kate’s elbow to encourage her to stand, and brought them both through the door.
The pair shuffled inside - Kate stayed in the entryway, a puddle already forming at her feet and her manners outweighing all else. Lucy advanced into the living room, tossing her keys on the side table and hitting lights as she went.
“First things first,” she turned to address her guest once the room was suitably lit. “You’re taking a shower. I’m not having the FBI on my case for getting you sick.”
But Kate didn’t move, her arms crossed against her chest. Lucy could practically see the chill setting in in real time infront of her.
“What? Two months and you already forgot where it is?”
The quick shadow of hurt that swept across Kate’s face made Lucy instantly regret her comment. With a deep sigh, she crossed the room to where the taller blonde stood in the foyer, still motionless.
“Okay, you’re kinda freaking me out here Whistler, please say something.”
“I shot someone today.”
It came out a whimper that might have gone unheard if she’d still been across the room, but Lucy was close enough now to hear it.
“I don’t know if he lived - I didn’t… I couldn’t…”
She was fumbling over her words and on instinct, Lucy placed a comforting hand on Kate’s crossed arm.
She jumped as if electrocuted, like Lucy’s touch had suddenly brought her back to life.
“Shit - Lucy, I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m doing here. I just started running and I wasn’t thinking and,”
Lucy cut her off before she could bolt.
“Hey, hey, take a breath.”
Kate was on the verge of panicking now - Lucy could almost make out the racing pulse in her neck and the way her chest rose and fell with sharp breaths that had grown shallow.
“Kate, look at me.” Against her better judgment, Lucy placed a palm on either side of the blonde’s face, forcing her to focus her attention. “Breathe with me, okay?”
She took several long inhales through her nose, letting the air out slowly through parted lips. The eye contact was intense but Kate allowed herself to be brought back from the edge, matching her breaths with Lucy’s until her heart rate began to drop.
“You’re alright.” It was a statement of fact and Kate could only nod in agreement.
“I’m gonna get you a towel, okay? You’re damaging my floors.”
The smirk on Lucy’s face told her it was a joke but she suddenly realized just how much water she’d tracked inside. It was an awkward ninety seconds of drawers opening and closing before Lucy returned, bath towel outstretched in her hand along with the biggest pair of sweatpants she owned and a Northwestern shirt she’d stolen from Kate over two months ago.
“If you won’t shower, will you at least put something dry on?”
Kate accepted the items, gratitude warming her cheeks.
“I was wondering where this went,” her eyes flickering down to the shirt that topped the pile.
Lucy shuffled awkwardly, suddenly finding her feet quite interesting.
“Yeah, well, haven’t exactly had a chance to give it back.”
Right - Kate realized this was the most they’d talked since the incident with Cara two months prior. The pile of laundry suddenly felt as if it weighed fifty pounds in her hands. Clearing her throat, she pulled out of her shoes, nudging them to the side of the entryway.
“Guess I’ll just…” she motioned back towards Lucy’s room and the en-suite bathroom. Lucy nodded and tried not to let her eyes slide over Kate’s form as the blonde drifted past her into the other room.
When she heard the bathroom door click shut, she let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. Of all the ways her weekend could have started, this was far from the top of her list. Still in wet clothes herself but now shut out of her own room, Lucy got to work, throwing a couple of paper towels over the puddle in the foyer and pulling the kettle out for hot water. As much as her brain now craved something stronger, that was a path she wasn’t ready to walk down yet.
As the water began to boil and the shrill whistle of the kettle filled the air, Lucy pulled two mugs from the cabinet beside the stove and filled each with a spoonful of coffee. It was cheap stuff, hopefully still in date, but most importantly she thought with a shiver, it was a hot drink.
Steam rose from the mugs and the bathroom door inched open. Lucy had steeled herself for this moment, channeling every angry thought she’d had over the last six weeks into her mind. But the way Kate looked now, hair slowly turning back to blonde, that loose t-shirt over her top, and Lucy’s comically short sweatpants barely reaching her knees, made her mouth go dry.
“I, uh,” she grabbed the mugs from the counter, anything to keep herself occupied. “I made coffee.”
At Kate’s skeptical look, she shot her eyes over to where the bag of grounds sat on the counter.
“It’s decaf!”
Kate accepted the mug with a small smile and let the steam drift up over her nose. Even with dry clothes on, the warmth felt amazing on her rain-cooled skin. The silence fell heavy between them now, both unsure of what to say next or where to begin.
“Do you wanna sit?”
Lucy’s living area was small, but Kate preferred to think of it as cozy. At Lucy’s invitation, she padded over to a cushy chair, settling into it with a soft whoosh, her mug still gripped between her palms.
Lucy picked the sofa opposite her, tucking her legs underneath her as she sat and placing her drink on the side table under the lamp.
“I’ve never killed anyone before Lucy…”
She could see Kate’s throat bob from across the space.
“I know it’s part of the job but I guess I just… I thought I’d be more ready for it.”
Beneath the anger and sadness she felt regarding their situation, Lucy understood that. On a professional level, it was a part of their job that was far from glamorous.
“What happened?”
Kate’s eyes met hers and Lucy paused, wondering if she’d prodded too far.
“It was supposed to be a simple in-and-out. No one was even supposed to be inside. Derrick..”
“Your partner?” Lucy clarified, to which Kate nodded to the affirmative.
“He was on the wall opposite me and as we rounded the corner, the guy was waiting for us.”
Her eyes were far off now, as if she was reliving the moment as she told it.
“He got to Derrick first and they fought - I couldn’t get a clear shot off and then suddenly he turned at me and he had a gun in his hand and Derrick was down and I just… I fired.”
Rain pelted the sliding glass door beside Kate but the room may as well have been silent. Lucy knew that feeling all too well - she remembered the first perp she’d had to put down. It was never something you forget.
“You did the right thing. You know that don’t you?”
Kate tucked her knees to her chest and swallowed hard.
“You know what the worst part was?”
Lucy raised her eyebrow expectedly, silently encouraging her to go on.
“The guy looked so small on the ground. Like he suddenly wasn’t some criminal we’ve been tracking for weeks but just, human.” She paused and Lucy could see her face visibly darken. “I couldn’t help but think if that’s how Noah looked when he died.”
“Hey,” Mug now forgotten, Lucy quickly unfolded herself and moved to sit cross-legged on the floor by Kate’s feet. “Don’t torture yourself like that.”
A tear she’d been trying desperately to hold back rolled down Kate’s cheek and she wiped it away sheepishly, almost embarrassed to have Lucy see her cry despite the circumstances.
“Was Derrick okay?”
“He’ll be fine, just some busted ribs and a broken ego.” Kate’s voice was thick with emotion but she tried to play it off with some levity. “Doubt he liked being beaten up in front of a girl.”
The pair shared a soft laugh together and Lucy’s fingers, without her brain’s permission, now rested comfortably on Kate’s kneecap, the skin very nearly exposed by the ill-fitting sweatpants. Their eyes met and each remembered that initial spark all those years ago. But the contact flustered Kate all over again and the spell was broken; she rose quickly, splashing still-warm coffee in her haste.
“I should go, I know I’ve already outstayed my welcome.”
Lucy was on her feet just as fast, dancing to avoid coffee burns and stumbling over herself after Kate, back into the kitchen.
“You gonna run home?”
Kate shot her a dirty look but shrugged.
“That’s what Uber is for, right?”
“Don’t be stupid - it’s disgusting outside.” And before she could help herself, “Stay.”
Kate froze on the other side of the counter and Lucy’s eyes widened as her brain caught up with what her mouth had just said.
“The, uh, the sofa won’t mind and you can throw your clothes in the dryer.”
“Lucy, I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking - I’m offering.”
Neither woman would admit just how fast their hearts were beating. Lucy felt like she was playing with fire and just waiting to get burned. Hell, she’d already been burned - was still coping with the pain of her scalded heart. But Kate was here, and she was still half-damp from outside, and she was fragile. Lucy would never, ever, take advantage of said fragility, but the last thing she wanted to was imagine Kate alone tonight in this state.
Kate’s mind seemed to be on a similar journey, with her thumb paused over the internet browser on her phone, ready to summon a ride home but not at all prepared to face the torrent of weather outside nor the emotions stirred up from the day.
“Fine, on one condition.”
Lucy scoffed but the air suddenly felt lighter. “You’re not really in a position to make demands, you know.”
Kate’s gentle smile lightened the room. “You leave me some hot water in the morning.”
The flirt in Lucy had to bite back a response - she already knew she was treading on dangerous ground here.
“Deal, but if I come out here and the TV is on Cops, I will make you run home.”
“Goodnight Lucy.” The words, spoken amidst a gentle laugh, brought back memories of happier times - times when Kate was breathing the words against her neck as they dozed off, legs tangled in blankets, sweat cooling on their skin.
Lucy made a show of hitting the lights until only the lamp on the side table was left, trying to draw this moment out as long as possible without actually wanting to reach that end destination. Her brain knew she wasn’t ready to give into this tension - the pain of her heartbreak was still far too fresh. But this is how they’d always been from that first night, powerless to resist one another.
“There’s an extra blanket under the coffee table if you need it,” she said, gesturing to the lift-top. “And don’t forget about the-”
“‘The rooster outside that will wake us up at 5 am… I remember.”
Lucy flushed, struck with more memories of early mornings courtesy of her neighbor’s chickens, of sunrises with blonde hair splashed across her pillow and shared giggles before alarms went off.
“Right, I’ll just be in my room if you need me.”
At Kate’s amused expression, she rushed to clarify. “If, you know, the fire alarm goes off or something.”
“If the fire alarm goes off, I think you’ll probably hear it.”
Lucy knew when she was being teased but god she missed this, their easy banter.
“Hey Lucy?”
Their eyes met once more - sparks. “Thanks. For not letting me keep running.”
The words settled heavily somewhere in Lucy’s soul because she knew Kate’s words held a deeper meaning.
“Try and get some sleep.”
Her legs, working with her better judgment and against her foolish desires, took her backwards into the security of her bedroom. Her bed, which had seemed empty since their breakup, felt colder still knowing Kate was just on the other side of the wall. God, she needed to get her shit together - to get her brain and her heart back on the same page. She was mad at Kate. Furious, even. And heartbroken to put it lightly. But now her sofa was going to smell like Kate’s shampoo, and her TV would be back on the Cops channel. Their mugs, half-drank, sat in the same spot they always had before Kate would put them in the dishwasher in the morning. It all felt too familiar, and Lucy’s heart ached for it to be reality.
As her eyes bore into the ceiling and the rain began to let up outside, Lucy wondered, ‘can I let this woman back into my life?
And, of course, as she listened to Kate’s gentle snoring from the living room, her heart responded, ‘how can you not?’