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“Suguru,” a deep voice crawls up behind him, one he was all too familiar with. Geto’s name rolls off his tongue with much disappointment and bitterness, almost like it pains him to say it. “Don’t you know it’s rude to turn your back when someone is talking to you?”
With a heavy heart, Geto turns around to face the last man he wanted to see. There, about nine feet ahead of him, stood Gojo Satoru. His face, hauntingly dull, a certain darkness gathering around his eyes as if he hasn’t been sleeping and Suguru feels a deep ache in his chest as he looks into the eyes of the man he once loved, devoid of warmth and affection.
Please take your eyes off of me so I can leave. I'm too ashamed to do it with you watching me.
“I don’t wish to fight you, Satoru.” The words softly slip out of his mouth.
Gojo scoffs. “Because I’ll win?”
“There you go.” Geto raises his eyebrow at him. “Always thinking you’re better than everyone else.”
“Everyone else? Yeah, maybe.” He bluntly replies. “But you? Never. Not even once.”
“So you saw us as equals then?”
“Do you really think that low of me?” Gojo frowns. “You are my best friend. How could I have seen you as anything less?”
Are.
Present tense.
Something about Gojo refusing to admit that their friendship is over, that whatever they had was gone, made the ache in Geto’s heart swell. There was nothing left to hold on to and yet Gojo would rather let his palms burn holding the rope between them than to let go.
Geto watches as Gojo hesitantly places a foot forward to move closer and he finds himself instantly taking a step back.
Please, please stay where you are. Don't come any closer.
“Aren’t you gonna explain yourself, Suguru?” Geto hears the exasperation in his voice.
“Shoko must’ve told you.” He shrugs. “There’s nothing else to it.”
“You told me killing was meaningless if there’s no purpose to it.” Gojo’s lips were trembling. “Tell me it isn’t true. Fucking tell me it isn’t true.”
There was a tinge of desperation in his voice. As if he’s struggling to hold onto whatever shred of hope he has left in Geto. The refusal to believe that his best friend, his one and only, the person who had always been by his side, would betray him to do something so despicable.
“But there is a significance in it, Satoru.”
“A significance?” Gojo was in disbelief. “You massacred an entire village and then murdered your own parents in cold blood and you call that significant? Just so you can what–? Create a pure world of shamans? Like that is ever even possible!”
Geto immediately looks away, unable to look at the distraught expression on Gojo’s face. “But it’s possible for you, is it not?”
“What?”
“If I was as strong as you, even the most foolish ideals could become possible, is that not right?” Geto asks. “Are you the strongest because you’re Gojo Satoru, or are you Gojo Satoru because you’re the strongest?”
He frowns. “What the fuck are you saying? You are as strong as me. We’re both–“
“–the strongest?” Geto sadly smiles. There might have once been a time when that phrase meant something to him. A time when he held those words close to his heart. But that time was long gone. A fragment of a distant memory that he had suppressed too far inside of him. Saying it now just feels like empty, meaningless words that don’t ignite anything in his soul the way it used to.
“It’s what I’ve decided, Satoru. You can’t stop me.”
Please give it up already. Don’t try to stop me anymore.
But Gojo just scoffs. “So you think I am going to just let you leave after what you’ve done?”
“If not then, will you kill me? Will you kill me, Satoru?”
Gojo blinks at him, taken aback by the question. He falls silent, fists clenched by the side of his body. Then a little more quietly, he asks, “You think Riko would’ve wanted this?”
Riko. Geto felt a pang in his chest. He had resented himself for not being able to save her. He doesn’t need Gojo to remind him of his failure. Especially not now.
Satoru, stop. Enough.
“Don’t bring her into this. She’s dead.” Geto impassively responds.
“But that’s exactly why you’re doing this crazy nonsense, isn’t it? To avenge her? Because you think it will give you closure? Peace?”
Geto just glares at him, scornful of his ignorance. “Closure? You think I would go so far for a bit of closure? And peace?” He scoffs. “There is no peace in living like this.”
After all, how could Geto feel peace? Year after year after year of swallowing curses, the vile and repulsive taste of them still lingering in him days after. The way it made him feel so nauseous and sick of himself. No one understood that. Not even the great Gojo Satoru. Not even his best friend could.
“It doesn’t mean you pick violence as the solution.”
You’ve always been a stubborn one, haven’t you Satoru? But I’ve made up my decision so please stop hurting yourself trying to change it.
“It’s not a solution, Satoru. It’s just a means to an end.”
“To what end?” Satoru snaps. “Until you’ve got a pile of innocent dead bodies? And what about the non-sharmans who are children? You’re gonna start fucking killing children too?”
Upon hearing that, Geto’s mind immediately shifts to Mimiko and Nanako. His two girls. He hasn’t known them for long but Geto is certain he had his heart in the right place when he did what he did. What is so wrong about wanting to build a better and safer world for special children like them? A world where they could live out their days and accomplish their dreams instead of being in hiding and suffering at the expense of those ungrateful monkeys?
“You know Satoru, it’s funny that you have the six eyes and yet you still can’t see the world for what it should be. You’re fine with just accepting the way it works. And you don’t think about these things because you have the luxury not to.”
Gojo just glares at him, baffled. “Suguru, what the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m sorry you can’t see it but this is the world that I have envisioned.”
Geto watches him shake his head in disbelief, “No. No, you couldn’t possibly want anything like this. No sane fucking sorcerer would. You used to understand that.”
Geto sadly chuckles. “Sanity is an illusion, Satoru. You can go ahead and be contented living in this cosy lie that you’ve made up for yourself, but I can’t be satisfied with this way of life. I simply can’t.”
“So that’s it then?” Gojo’s face falls, looking at Geto dead in the eyes with a lingering sadness that breaks his heart.
Don’t look at me with those eyes. I can’t handle it.
Geto knows Gojo isn’t the kind of person to give up so easily but he needed him to. It is the only way it wouldn’t hurt so much for either of them. And it was already hurting plenty.
He remembers a time when Gojo would look at him with nothing but respect and fondness. But the crystal clear blue in his eyes had gone stone cold with pain and anger.
“So everything you and I have ever been through was all for nothing? You’re just going to fucking throw your life– throw me away like I wasn’t the one who was always there?”
“Were you?” The words struck Gojo like a bullet to the chest.
He blinks at him, a mortified expression on his face. In the dim moonlight, Geto could see his eyes glistening, tears threatening to fall.
“You could’ve told me. When you were struggling, you could’ve told me and I would’ve–“
“You would’ve what?” A part of him knew what Satoru was going to say. But Suguru is too far gone for the love of anyone to save him.
“You know I care about you. You know that. So why did you think you couldn’t confide in me?” Gojo’s voice was trembling at this point, his face contorted as though he was struggling not to cry. “You think I would’ve wanted you to hurt alone?”
Geto remains silent. He isn’t sure if he’s carefully debating his next choice of words because he doesn’t know what to say or because he is afraid his answer would make Gojo even more upset than he already is. Gojo never cries. But if he does, Geto doesn’t want to be the reason for it. Especially not when he has already made up his mind to walk away.
“We’re just different, Satoru.” He finally says. “We would’ve never worked out.”
“You know damn well that’s not true.” Gojo snaps back, a sob rising in his throat.
Please stop already, Satoru. We’ve been oceans apart for too long. You just can’t fix this space between us anymore, so stop trying. You’re only making this harder on yourself. Please just accept that we’re already defeated.
“You think I asked for all this? I never wanted to be the strongest. It’s just what I am. It’s how I’ve been from the moment I was born! And for the longest time, it felt like the loneliest fucking thing in the world because people only cared about me for what I could do. But you changed that. You made me feel seen.” The hurt in Gojo’s voice felt like a knife pierced through Geto’s heart. “We used to understand each other. What happened to that? You know how much I value your opinions. Hell, you are the reason I stand for what I do now! Why did that change? Why are you thinking about things so far where I can’t reach you?”
Satoru, stop. I’m begging you. Stop asking these meaningless things already.
Above them, a glaring beam of lightning flickers in the sky, followed by the crunching of thunder. As Gojo’s tears fall, so does the first drops of rain.
“Suguru, you don’t have to do this. Please,” Gojo begs.
“I can’t.” Geto softly says almost like a broken whisper. He isn’t sure how much longer he can bear being tormented by his best friend’s desperate pleas.
“Yes you can.” Gojo insisted.
“You have to let me go.”
“No. No, we can change this world. We can make it better in some other way. It doesn’t have to be like this. You don’t have to take the fall alone. You have me.”
“It’s not enough.”
Three words.
Three words were all it took to completely shatter Gojo Satoru’s heart.
Geto could only stare down at the puddle that had formed around his shoes. He catches a glimpse of the utterly devastated expression on Gojo’s face and knew he had irreversibly broken something inside him.
With a heavy heart, Geto turns around to leave but within a few steps, the cold rainy winds brushing against his body became snowed under a pair of warm and familiar arms that had found their way around his waist. He gasps. Gojo’s touch still felt as homely and comforting as ever, and for a long time, Geto had craved to feel it again.
“Satoru please, don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”
“If it’s as hard for you to walk away, then don’t.” Gojo pleads. “Just don’t.”
Geto ignores him, trying to squirm his way out but Gojo would only hug him tighter, his forehead pressed against the cold, wet fabric of Geto’s black sweater.
“You know I can’t just carry on like everything’s fine.”
“And I’m not asking you to,” Gojo whispers, his breath shaky. “Run away with me, Suguru. Fuck the jujutsu society, fuck the higher ups, fuck everything. We can go somewhere where it’s just us and we can be happy. Just run away with me.”
Geto’s face softens upon hearing Gojo’s words as he feels his own tears pooling in the corner of his eyes. Strangely, they were comforting to hear but Geto knows running away isn’t an option. For if it was, he would’ve taken Gojo by the hand and never look back.
Satoru, you fool. How can we just ignore everything? We’re not alone in this world. We were not born without purpose. And our purposes have brought us to separate ends of the world. Can’t you see that we’ll just end up fighting more?
“Suguru, say something.” Gojo’s body was visibly trembling and he could feel it. How vulnerable he was, latched onto Geto’s back, holding tightly onto him still, afraid to let him slip away. “Please, this is enough. I’m begging you to stop. I’m begging you to stay.”
Geto could hear him choking back on his tears but he would continue to pretend. To pretend like it doesn’t hurt him. To pretend that he doesn’t care about Gojo breaking down even if it absolutely crushed his heart. To pretend he doesn’t want to just turn around and embrace Gojo in a hug. But he knows. Geto knows that no matter what happens, his mind has already been made.
Please don't fall apart. I don’t have it in me to face your breaking heart. I'm trying my best to be brave. Stop asking me to stay.
“You’re strong, Satoru.” Geto finally says. “Whatever you choose to do with that strength, it’s up to you to decide. And if… sometime in the future, your purpose takes you back to me, I’ll welcome you with open arms then.”
Every word I’ve said, you know I'll always mean. But I hope you know it is the world to me that you were in my life. From the moment we met, I have cherished every moment. And for you, Gojo Satoru, I will always be grateful.
Behind him, Geto hears his wounded sniffles. He then feels Gojo lift his head, resting it over his shoulder instead so that his face would be cradled in the crook of his neck. He shudders at the intimacy.
“Suguru, I– at least let me tell you something before you go.”
Don’t say it. Satoru, please don’t say it.
“I forgive you.”
Geto blinks in surprise. They weren’t the words he expected to hear but they made his heart sink all the same. How could Gojo see him for what he’s become and still find it in himself to be kind? Geto feels a sting in the back of his throat that made him want to throw up. But this is the path of justice he has chosen and Geto doesn’t need Gojo to pretend to understand that.
He hesitantly places his palm over Gojo’s hand that was still around his waist, thumb gently caressing it.
There are still so many things I wish to tell you Satoru, but time isn’t in our favour. I know you think we can still work it out but I want to live and not just survive. And I can’t do that until I make this world a better place for jujutsu sorcerers. Don’t you want that? I’m doing this for us, for everyone we love. For the friends we’ve lost so we never have to lose any ever again. It’s the only way. I’m not the one who needs saving. Not anymore. You’ll realise that in time.
Geto feels Gojo breathing quietly behind him, the warm air that escaped his lips mildly ticklish against his skin. He was breathing slower than before, almost like he’s calm, almost like he’s made peace with their predicament.
It had become clear to Gojo then that Geto’s decision is final. And he wouldn’t have been able to change his mind no matter what he said or did or who he used to be to him. Because strong as he is, Gojo can’t save someone who does not wish to be saved.
“If it means anything to you Satoru, I truly am sorry.” Geto whispers, closing his eyes as he feels Gojo gently press his lips against his neck. A first and a farewell kiss both at once.
They spend the next few minutes in silent regret for all the things they don’t get to say. All the words on their lips, longing to be said but will never be heard.
The rain starts to get heavy and Gojo hesitantly loosens his grip around Geto’s waist. He gently pushes his arms aside and without ever looking back, Geto would walk away from his best friend forever.
To the person I loved most, goodbye Satoru.