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Come back! Even as a shadow, even as a dream.
— Euripides (trans. by Anne Carson)
Your whole world consists of whites, grays, and greens. Every indoor hallway consists of the same bright bareness. The rooms within them all look identical: the classrooms, the bedrooms, the bathrooms, and even the dining areas are all colored the same, all round in shape. The furniture is all white, and this place is clean enough to stay so. A sickly green is only found when you look up into the eyes of your brothers, and when you’re given a door for your room for privacy at night.
Not that it’s your room, you have no possessions here, save for clothes, also the same blanched color as everyone else’s. You suspect the brightness isn’t good for your eyes, and you think that’s on purpose. Outside is more of the same—snow litters the ground as far as you can see. There’s no colorful sky on this planet, it’s dark as space, and just as cold. Somehow you have a vague idea of what outer space looks like, but you can’t remember anything beyond starlight.
You never get very far exploring before a "brother" finds you and escorts you back into the building. Still, you don’t stop trying. You don’t know why.
*
There’s another girl like you here, one they call call a sister. She’s different from the others. Or rather: the two of you are different from everyone else. Neither of you are in Prime’s image, which is a relief. His face is everywhere, it’d be a terrible thing to find in the mirror. And she’s more lively than the others who have been brought here, their eyes aren’t green like the clones, but they’re lifeless. You think they’ve given up.
(You haven’t yet, but the idea of surrendering frightens you. Is it possible to give up when you can't remember who you are, and what you've lost?)
As far as you can tell, the girl with pink hair hasn't given up yet either. Her hair is undoubtedly the most colorful thing on the planet, and besides you, she might be the most dangerous. She carries herself with a glittering anger. It’s annoying yet admirable, and most likely punishable.
You find yourself watching her, sometimes, from a distance. There’s not much to do here, but Sparkles seems to have same routine: she’ll go for a walk, stop in her tracks, and look around confused, as if she’s supposed to be somewhere else. As if she could have willed herself to be anywhere else. She'll clench her fists in frustration. You think in any other scenario you would make fun of her for this habit, but there’s something about it that makes you sad.
One day, you go up to her, even though fraternizing is discouraged, right along with laughter, smiles, and crying. The clones never show any emotion, except for disappointment when you don't follow their regulations.
"You know, Sparkles," you say. You’re supposed to call her “Sister,” but that’s bullshit, and you have a feeling she knows it too. "Something tells me we're not supposed to be here."
"Gee, I wonder what could give you that impression." She rolls her eyes, but there's a playfulness in the action.
Her sarcasm makes you smile for the first time in… well. You can’t remember. You have no idea how long you’ve been on this world, and you can’t recall there being a before.
(Sometimes you wonder if there has ever been a before, but there must have been. There was a girl with a soft smile and cool gray eyes. She doesn’t exist on this planet. If she did, she doesn't anymore.)
“Do you remember anything from before?” you ask, keeping your voice down.
Prime sees all, and you’re far from invisible. A green pool awaits you if you break the rules. You don't know how you know that, but you don't want to find out the hard way if you're right.
Sparkles stares at you blankly. She's shorter than all the clones, but that never made her seem small, until now, as she tries to figure out what she's missing, or who she's missing. Eventually, she asks, “Did I know you then? Before we came here?”
You shrug. “You might have, I’m not sure. I don’t remember anything, either. But there’s something… familiar about you. Do you recognize me at all?”
Sparkles shakes her head, but she smiles. "Are you sure you're not just into me?" she teases.
“Bold statement,” you reply. A smile threatens to reveal itself, but it fades before it can set in. “Besides, I’m taken, I think.”
"Wow. I'm sure your person would be thrilled to hear you say that."
"I think she'd just be glad to know I remember her at all." Even if that memory doesn’t involve that much more than her appearance, and the sad way she looked at you when she was crying. You know you were the reason, but you can’t imagine why.
Somehow that seems to spark a recognition in Sparkles. “I think you’ve told me about her, before,” she admits.
“So maybe we’re onto something.”
“We have to be careful, Sister,” Sparkles says. Then she winces. “That's an awful habit, sorry. But I don’t know your name. I don’t even remember mine.”
“It’s okay,” you tell her with a shrug, as if it doesn't mean anything to you. “I don’t either.”
*
"Why did you do it?" the blonde girl asks when you dream. "Too many people got hurt when you opened that portal."
You wake up with wet eyes. You would take it all back if you could, if you knew what you were trying to reverse. You can’t remember, but your body carries the weight of it anyway.
"Maybe we're being punished," you tell Sparkles that afternoon. The two of you are sitting outside, even though the barren planet you live on is freezing. No one else has left the identical buildings, but you’d rather deal with an icy wind than an eerie green gaze. You suspect Sparkles feels the same.
"Do you think we're dead?" Sparkles asks.
You’ve thought about it once, but that was too much to bear. Besides, you still have a heart that beats, a body that bleeds. So you scoff at that. “Do I look dead to you?”
“Then if that’s not what’s going on, who's punishing us?"
A clone passes by, expressionless, but you can tell, he’s trying to eavesdrop, and he lacks all subtly. Eventually he passes out of earshot. But still, you whisper. “It has to be Prime.”
Sparkles looks at you warily. "What else aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing.”
Sparkles doesn’t buy it, but she doesn’t have the energy to argue.
Did you really think I’d let Shadow Weaver erase your memories like that? You remember asking that question, offended.
And a truth hits you, so obvious it hurts. Of course there’s a reason you can’t remember anything beyond this, not even your own name. “Someone took our memories," you say, half whimpering. Out loud, it sounds impossible, but you know it to be true, and you start to shake in anger.
“How?”
"Obviously I don't know how. My biggest concern is why." You sigh. There’s no one else on this planet you can talk to, no one else who would understand. “Glimmer,” your voice comes out hushed, not wanting it to break. “I’m scared.”
But Glimmer just looks at you and smiles. “You remembered my name.”
*
One day, everything goes wrong. Sirens blare.
That’s when you see her, and she sees you. Her red jacket looks like the warmest thing one could wear, and as she steps closer to you, you realize it smells like home.
“Catra?” she asks. And Catra must be your name, it sounds right, coming from her mouth.
Too stunned to speak, you stay still, but she stands right in front of you. For a second, you wonder if you're dreaming. There's shouting in the distance, and her eyes narrow as she calculates her next move. That's when it comes back to you. “Adora?” you ask. It's unfathomable to you now, that it was ever possible to forget her name.
“You know who I am?” She smiles. It's small, but it's everything.
But the question jabs at you, because you don’t know who she is, not really. “Vaguely.”
The smile doesn’t fade, though. “That’s okay. We’ll figure out how to get your memories back when we return to the ship. I promise.”
“The ship?”
“Yeah. Bow, Entrapta, and I—we’re getting you out of here.”
"Why?" you ask. "Why did you come for me at all? I—I remember hurting you."
Adora winces at that. "Catra, you don't have to come with us if you don't want to. I just want you to be safe, and you're not safe here."
"Okay," you say.
*
The next morning, it's bright on the ship. At least, you assume it's morning, it's impossible to tell in outer space, but you feel well rested enough to leave your quarters. You’re still adjusting to the view of the stars from your window, all the blues and purples are a welcome sight compared to green and white but your eyes are sore, probably will be for some time.
You open the door, surprised to see Adora standing next to it. She was waiting for you, and that touches you.
"I wanted to be here for you in case you needed something," she admits sheepishly.
"Why?" you end up asking. There are some things you remember now, not entirely, but enough to put some pieces together. "You broke my heart," you admit, gently. You're not trying to accuse her, she has plenty to blame you for as well. "And I think I broke yours. So where does that leave us?"
Adora just offers you a small smile, her gray eyes warm and inviting. “I guess we’re going to find out,” she says. "If you want to."
You smile back. You don't think you've ever dreamed of anything else.