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“Tommy,” Gordon glared at the gray lump that was chewing on an entire pizza. “What the actual fuck. ”
“Don’t worry, Gordon!” Tommy kept his voice down. “This is– he’s not going to hurt us. This is–”
“Oh, I know what that is,” Gordon didn’t want to be mad at Tommy on his birthday, but it was slipping through his voice. “And I’m telling you, I don’t know what you think it is, but I know he’s nothing but bad news.”
“What is it, anyway?” Bubby asked, setting down his soda.
Tommy opened his mouth to speak, but Gordon beat him to it. “Armored headcrab,” Gordon stated. “Sneaky fucks, and impossible to kill.”
Tommy gulped. “You’ve met one before.”
“I certainly have,” Gordon glowered. “He almost got me to trust him. Almost. ”
“How’d you know it was a ‘he’?” Bubby asked. “Not everything has a gender, Gordon.”
“Perhaps every headcrab we’ve encountered so far has been female, and this is a dimorphic male specimen,” Coomer knelt down and marveled. “He certainly knows how to suck down a pepperoni. That is a qualification for all he/hims, you know.”
“That’s not… that’s not im— important,” Tommy stammered, eyeing Gordon with nervousness catching in his throat. “But this, this head— headcrab uses he/they, and I know that be—because— well— well—“
A single bubble of Calming Blue sweet voice rose from the creature on the table. Tommy reached out and snatched it, mumbling something to himself that Gordon couldn’t hear.
“…because this is, um. My friend. Their name’s… Bottlecap.”
Gordon crossed his arms. “Bottlecap.”
Tommy nodded, his hat’s propellor buzzing. “Yeah! He’s, um. You know. Because normally they go on up top, and you have to pop them off. But! But he’s not going to, you know. Attach to any of you. He’s…really tired. And he’s also on his best behavior, because it’s my birthday party. Right?”
The headcrab didn’t respond at first, but after a moment he sang a small amount of blue-green sweet voice.
“See?” Tommy smiled as the creature lowered into a loaf-shape and appeared to doze off on the half-eaten pizza. “Greenish blue like— like a bay means Happy Birthday!”
Bubby pursed his lips. “…okay, Tommy. If you say so.”
Bubby and Coomer got up from their seats, heading back over to the games. Now it was just Gordon, Tommy, and the sleepy gray alien.
“So.” Tommy folded his arms on the table as Gordon took a seat. “You’ve…met Bottlecap.”
“We’ve met,” Gordon snipped, eyeing the creature.
“…how long ago?”
“What are you doing, Tommy?” Gordon hissed. “Didn’t we just wrap up our fun little adventure of nearly dying? We just left that alien borderworld. We’re lucky to be alive after what Benrey did to us, and you’re going to just bring—“
He took a breath. And released it.
“Why’d you bring Bottlecap,” he summarized. “Tell me why that was a good idea.”
Tommy put a hand on his small friend’s armored hide, rubbing it like he was giving a back rub.
“He… we weren’t the only ones that got hurt on Xen.”
Gordon rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Because we were fighting back. Because the wildlife wanted us dead.”
Tommy removed his hand. He looked straight at Gordon.
“We’re not talking about ‘Bottlecap’, are we, Mr. Freeman?”
It wasn’t really a question. Gordon answered it as one anyway.
“I think we both know that we kind of are.”
“Alright,” Tommy sighed. “You want to talk about Benrey.”
“Actually, I’d prefer not to!” Gordon said with some exasperation. “I’d really not like to think about that entire chapter of my life until I’m in a room with a psychiatric professional, to be honest! But you’re the one who decided to bring ‘Bottlecap’ with you after Benrey tried to fucking crush us.”
“I don’t think it was him!” Tommy protested. “I—I know it looked like, it was Benrey’s body, but— something happened there, I don’t think— he wasn’t in control!”
“Well, what are we supposed to do?” Gordon shot back. “Ask him?”
A body slammed against the table, jolting the two men out of their argument and leaving the headcrab scrambling to avoid a fall. Tommy scooped the creature up as Gordon stayed frozen in his combat stance.
“So sorry to interrupt your hissy fit, my fellows!” Coomer bubbled as he retrieved the downed clone. “Seems I wasn’t paying attention to my aim with this one. Bodies fly when you’re having fun!”
“No kidding,” Gordon mumbled, forcing his shoulders to relax. “What’s the deal with those, anyway? I thought you killed them all.”
“Bonus game, my dear Gordon!” Coomer jabbed the air with his pointer finger. “It seems to be a sort of Victory Lap for making it out with my 100% completion! I no longer feel their pain, and am free to do as I wish with them.”
He tossed the limp body into the air and spiked it away like a volleyball. “And I wish for Violence!”
Gordon blinked, unsure of how to respond but out of energy to question anything else. “Nifty,” he finally said.
Coomer nodded with a smile. “It is, isn’t it? Tommy, do give your father my generous thanks for this party. And let your headcrab friend know that they can help themselves to any stray bodies they find, if the pizza isn’t filling them up.”
He gave the critter a light pat before returning to the dance floor. The headcrab sang out a few appreciative orbs.
Tommy and Gordon stared at each other uninterrupted for forty-six seconds.
“What are we supposed to do? Ask him?”
“We’re done dancing around the obvious?” Gordon broke the relative silence.
“Yeah,” Tommy nodded vigorously.
“Awesome. Let’s go feed Benrey an old man.”
He was nowhere near Full HP, but Benrey felt way better now than he had when Tommy had found him. He still hurt all over, and his bones were tired, which didn’t seem like a real thing that could happen, even though it felt like the right way to put it. But he could stay awake for more than a few minutes now, and he was pretty sure he wasn’t dying anymore. Sunkist’s sweet voice had helped some with that, but the real heavy lifting of the healing job was just being here. No harsh intrusion of Xen, none of the stress of Black Mesa. He was at a party with Tommy. The people he liked were there, and there was plenty of shouting, but nobody was trying to shoot him. The roar of music and games and clones being punched across the room were soothing to his auditory membranes, and he had been just about to nod off again on his plate of sausage and pepperoni when the plate was nearly knocked off the table by a familiar body.
The pizza was a welcome snack, to be sure. Benrey couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten something with his real mouth, and it was always a fun and novel experience. Taking a host nourished him, sure, but he never thought of it as eating them. Eating was chewing and swallowing food with a mouth, either his base form’s or the mouth of his current body. Putting on a new body was something completely different, and not something he wasn’t sure translated into words. Not everything can be compared to something else, after all.
He wasn’t listening to the conversation that Tommy and Gordon were having, and didn’t bother to tune in when Coomer came over to retrieve his clone. That kind of thing took effort when he was running on peak performance, he wasn’t going to waste that pizza-snacking energy now.
Couldn’t say he minded getting a lil’ pat on the head, though. That was nice.
He thought about taking a little snooze in Tommy’s arms, but now Tommy was saying his name very quietly, and a lot of times– oh, he was being talked to! He turned his attention outward and made a small noise to show that he was listening now.
Tommy smiled with relief. “Oh, good. Uh… Mr. Freeman and I want to talk to you a little bit. And, and I know you’re really tired, but we’re…”
Oh, there goes his focus. A birthday balloon had come untied from the chair that Gordon was lifting a body into, and Benrey’s train of thought followed it as it drifted up to the ceiling. It was one of those nice foil ones that you have to buy already blown up at the party store. He hoped they would get it back down, Tommy deserved sweet balloons like that.
Why was he on someone’s head now? He looked at his friends, puzzled.
Gordon sighed through clenched teeth. “You’re good to go, Benrey. Full permission.”
Huh.
Well, no time to look a gift head in the mouth.
He clamped down.
The Coomer clone’s eyes blinked open. Moving slowly, he stretched his arms, opening and closing his fists to stretch his fingers like a cat kneading a blanket. Then one hand moved to rub his neck, brushing white hair out of the way as he rolled his shoulders. Each foot tapped the ground to the beat of the music a couple times, and his mouth smacked open a few times.
“ How come tastes like old?”
A laugh came out of Gordon despite the uncanniness of Benrey’s voice coming from a face he recognized. “How come tastes like old?” he repeated.
“Benrey!” Tommy pulled the man in the chair into a quick but determined hug. Benrey seemed to melt into it, clinging once Tommy pulled away. “We– wan– Doctor Coomer let us use one of his spare clones, since we don’t have any guards for you right now. I’m– I know it’s not what you’re used to. Is it okay?”
Benrey seemed to process for a moment. “Feels alright,” he decided. “I’m… health’s getting better. I feel more awake. Old feels weird, though.”
“ Well, it doesn’t get any better from here!” Bubby jutted in, making Gordon’s shoulders jump. “What are you even doing over– what kind of abomination against God are you putting together?”
“Hi Bubby,” Benrey waved. “I’m old now.”
“I– Yeah, I see that,” Bubby quirked an eyebrow. “You’re just Coomer with a helmet on. Are you a ghost?”
“Wuh?”
Bubby drew a pistol.
“Don’t shoot!” Tommy stretched out an arm in defense. “I don’t want to have to grab a-another clone, one that’s already dead or bruised.”
“What use would a gun be against a ghost?” Gordon asked. “I mean, he isn’t one, but–”
“He’s dead , and he’s possessing a clone,” Bubby explained with an eye roll. “Obviously, Gordon. Raising the dead at a Chuck E. Cheese isn’t like you.”
“I’m not dead,” Benrey stated. “Just got a new one.”
“A new what?” Coomer joined the conversation. His eyes sized Benrey up, scanning him from top to bottom. “Hello, crime against nature! You wear my face well, but I wear it better!”
Tommy clenched his hands together, fingers twitching.
“A… one,” Benrey gestured to himself.
“Um, Benrey?” Tommy asked, barely above a whisper. “I’m going to explain to them. Is that… is that alright with you?”
Benrey simply shrugged and nodded.
“Alright,” Tommy smiled. He turned back to face the group. “Well–”
“Benrey’s the headcrab,” Gordon made it simple, knocking on the helmet. “That’s Bottlecap.”
Tommy cast him a mildly annoyed look, while the older pair of scientists’ faces were blank.
Then Bubby and Coomer both drew guns.
“Stop that!” Tommy whined. “I don’t shoot your guests at your birthday parties!”
Coomer didn’t put his weapon away. “He’s got a lot of questions to answer, Tommy!”
“That’s true,” Gordon agreed. “Benrey, you have a lot of explaining to do.”
Benrey looked confused. “But Gordon knows all that stuff already.”
Gordon scoffed. “Uh, I assure you, I–”
“You knew? ” Bubby shouted. “You knew we had an alien parasite ready to jump on our unprotected scalps the whole time?”
“Some of us less protected than others!” Coomer added, gesturing to his and Bubby’s hairlines.
“He wasn’t going to do that to us!” Tommy insisted.
“Easy for you to say,” Bubby gestured to Tommy’s hat. “You’ve got armor.”
“Look, I did know Benrey was a headcrab,” Gordon got back on track. “I didn’t know the whole time, I found out a good ways in. And Tommy’s right, he agreed to only attack hostiles and the guard bodies Black Mesa provided for him.” His tone shifted considerably. “Which does a fat nothing to explain why he went back on that when we all went through the portal.”
Benrey’s head lowered. “No I didn’t.”
“Benrey, you said– and I quote– ‘I’m gonna fucking kill you!’ among similar threats,” Coomer provided. He’d put away his weapon, but was in a fighting stance, which was just as dangerous.
Benrey frowned. “I did? That’s not good.”
“Of course you weren’t even paying attention while you were trying to kill us,” Gordon groaned, exasperated. “Why would we expect any different?”
“I couldn’t do it, bro!” Benrey protested. “I couldn’t– it wouldn’t listen, I couldn’t do anything about it!”
Tommy fixed Benrey with a concerned look. “‘It wouldn’t listen’? Benrey, what’s– what do you mean? What’s ‘it’?”
Benrey slumped and mumbled something.
“Didn’t catch that,” Gordon glared.
Benrey looked up at the circle surrounding him. He looked about ready to sink through the plastic chair. Heck, he probably could, given the weird shit Gordon had seen him do. But he didn’t.
“Body,” Benrey repeated. “The rest of Xen got to it first. It wanted me back, and I wouldn’t listen, and there was fungus.”
“A fungus among us!” Coomer chirped as if by instinct. “Do go on.”
Benrey nodded. His eyes drooped, but he pulled himself upright. His hands gripped his knees, steeling his focus.
“Everything thinks together over there. Wanted me to think together too, it made my guy all big so I’d be a bigger threat, but instead I went and killed the big boss so I could save you all and be the best at my job, but when it died it just went into the fungus and all the stuff that was in my host, and even though I was still my host, it was– it was more like I was the host now, you know? And it was my me, and I wasn’t, but I was. That’s all I remember.”
The response was quiet.
Gordon replied first. “Well, that makes about as much sense as anything else you’ve ever said.”
“Are you saying you weren’t in control when we fought you?” Tommy condensed the statement.
Benrey nodded. “I was kinda there. Kinda not. Just real confused. Then it blew up, and I fell. Tommy got me and now I’m here.”
“It is, fortunate , that you were able to survive your fall,” a new voice entered, catching both Gordon and Benrey by surprise. Tommy’s father moved forward, brushing Gordon out of the way. “It is impressive that you possessed the ability and cognizance to avoid drowning in the cave, considering the… energy you Would have expended, resisting Xen’s assimilation. You are very, very determined to avoid death.”
Gordon wasn’t sure if it was fear in Benrey’s borrowed eyes, but he at least recognized uncertainty on his face, rather than the oblivious indifference the alien had shown the last time Gordon had seen the two in the same room.
Regardless, Benrey tried a weak response. “...You’re still not gonna give me PS Plus, right?”
Tommy forced a nervous laugh. He gave a smile, but stayed firm in his spot between his dad and his friend.
The man in the suit let out a soft breath with a closed mouth. “I am, still not certain what that is. Given your… tenacity, however, and Tommy’s commendation of your character, it is only right for me to inform you that. Conversations. Are occurring behind the scenes, on allocating resources to your cause. Given the condition that you… stay Out. of Trouble.”
Benrey blinked slowly. Despite his often inhuman behavior, it didn’t remind Gordon much of an affectionate cat. The vibe was closer to a sloth being shown a magic trick– aware that something had happened, but with the brain reacting at a molasses pace.
“...Is that a yes?”
Tommy laughed again, this time with nervous relief. Gordon could see tension melt from his shoulders.
His father– maybe Gordon would think to ask his name at some point– looked back at his son with what may have been his version of a smile. “I trust your judgment, Tommy. I know I will be able to judge your vigilance, too.”
“Would someone translate?” Bubby snipped into the moment. “We’re all here too.”
“It seems that Mr. Coolatta isn’t going to use his unfathomable connections to have Benrey smote horribly, Bubby!” Coomer clarified. “And I would guess that the ominous comment on ‘resources’ refers to acquiring the flavor of bodies that he is used to.”
“Please never refer to different bodies as being ‘flavored’ ever again,” Gordon groaned. “I’m not even going to question the identical guards thing this time, I just have to accept nothing making sense for the rest of my life and move on with it.”
“Oh, I’m so glad you’re taking this okay!” Tommy clapped with joy. “Can I hug you?”
Gordon couldn’t help but to chuckle. “Yeah, man,” he opened his arms. “Let’s get this new chapter of Gordon’s life kicked off right. Gordon Freeman, friend to all weirdos.”
He really couldn’t stay annoyed when everyone else joined the hug.