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James has loved Lily Evans since he was eleven years old. Everyone knows it, including Lily, even if she tries to ignore it. He can’t help it. He saw her and something just clicked. Maybe it was the sway of her auburn hair. Maybe it was her green eyes that seemed to bore into your soul. Or maybe it was how certain she seemed of herself when she sat down and McGonagall placed the Sorting Hat on her head. When the hat announced Gryffindor, she skipped over to the table with a wide grin and sat down, shaking hands with everyone around her. The second that James got to the table, he shook her hand and introduced himself. That was the beginning of the end for him.
Even though Lily isn’t convinced yet, James knows that they will end up together. He only has to prove it to her. He’s tried through serenades and forms of magic, but today is the day that will change everything. A day that he’s been looking forward to for years. Amortentia day.
James wakes up at six thirty in the morning, daring to wake up Pete, Remus and Sirius. Pete wakes up without a problem, climbing out of bed with a smile and a “good morning” aimed towards everyone. Remus wakes up with his hair ruffled and a hand on his stomach, clearly hungry already. Pete and Remus bolt out the door when a groan sounds from Sirius’ bed, leaving James to deal with it by himself. “What time is it?” Sirius grumbles, whipping the curtain to the side.
James winces a bit, gearing up to be yelled at. “Six thirty,” he says with a small smile, rubbing the back of his head.
Sirius looks up at him, squinting before rubbing his eyes and looking back up again. “So, why the fuck am I up?” he replies, flopping back onto his bed.
“You told me that I could wake you up early today, remember?”
Sirius huffs. “Yeah, right, like I’d ever give you permission for such an atrocious act,” Sirius reponds, putting an arm dramatically over his eyes. “How could you betray me like this, Prongs?”
James widely smiles at that. “Because it’s Amortenia day, of course.”
Sirius sits up at that, staring at James before giving him a matching smile. “Holy shit, is it really?”
James walks forward to ruffle Sirius’ hair before grabbing his arm to pull him out of bed. He puts his arm around Sirius before dragging him out of the dorm, saying, “Moony and Wormtail are already at breakfast, let’s go.”
“Fine, but only for you,” Sirius says, taking his left hand and blowing James a kiss.
James catches it, pretending to put it near his heart. They laugh as they walk, talking about how Lily will finally have to admit that James and her are fate. James feels giddy, skipping along until they challenge each other to a race, running through the corridors. They laugh and bump into each other, running and running until McGonagall catches them and orders them to slow down.
As they sit down for breakfast, having spotted Remus and Pete, James can’t help but feel like this is the first day of the rest of his life. He daydreams of Lily smelling her potion. She turns to James with a flustered, red face. Lily asks him what he smells and as he describes her, her eyes light up and they decide right then and there that they couldn’t possibly be parted for the rest of their lives.
“Oi!” James hears, snapping him out of this beautiful dream.
--
Regulus Black, the younger of the two, is standing over Sirius. His face is complete stone, and yet James can tell that he's pissed off. His nostrils are flared and he doesn’t bother to push back the black curls falling in his eyes. He just intensely stares at Sirius, his arms crossed and his foot tapping the floor. “It was you, wasn’t it?” Regulus accuses, never breaking off eye contact with Sirius.
Sirius struggles to hide his smug grin. “I have no idea what you’re referring to,” Sirius replies.
James leans his head on his hand, looking up at Regulus. He looks even more pissed now, which James didn’t think was possible. Maybe he should diffuse some of the tension. “Hey, Regulus,” he says with a lopsided smile, waving to him. “How are you?”
“Stay out of it, Potter,” is the only response he gets.
James nods and turns to his plate, clapping Sirius on the back in a sorry-but-you’re-on-your-own kind of way. James turns back to Regulus to see his mouth in a firm line and, to his astonishment, sits down at the table beside Sirius. “I don't know how you did it, but I know you were the one who did this,” he says, lifting the bottom of his trousers to reveal Gryffindor socks and pulling his robe down to reveal a matching tie.
Sirius only shrugs and turns to James with fake surprise. He looks back to Regulus. “I am shocked that you would accuse me of such a fun and harmless prank,” Sirius simply states.
“I can’t get them off,” Regulus says, pulling on the tie. “Get them off now!”
“No can do, little brother,” Sirius says, putting eggs on a plate and handing it to Remus. “I’m pretty sure it’s stuck for twenty four hours, isn’t it, Pete?”
Pete turns to Sirius, nodding with a small smile. “That would be correct, per the time-delay spell.”
James smiles, looking at Regulus in Gryffindor attire. He’s so pissed and now his cheeks are turning pink. James can’t help but stare at Regulus as the pink travels before settling on his neck. “You are all completely insufferable,” he declares before getting up from the table and walking over to the Slytherin table, where Barty Crouch Jr. and Evan Rosier are waiting, already laughing at Regulus.
“Goodbye, Regulus,” James says, leaning back to watch Regulus as he walks away.
Regulus’ only acknowledgement is a wave of his hand.
--
James sits next to Remus, Sirius and Pete in Slughorn’s class as he explains the amortentia potion.
“Okay, class, this is the most powerful love potion in existence,” he explains, swirling an already-made potion. “It causes powerful infatuations and it smells different to everyone, which is why you’re going to brew your own and hopefully comprehend exactly what you can smell.”
He looks over the class, making sure everyone has their books ready. “Okay, now I want you to partner up in case you have any trouble making the potion,” he says before returning to his desk.
Pete and James look at each other, having prepared for this moment for a while. James grabs Sirius while Pete grabs Remus, separating them from each other. James and Pete couldn’t stand if they dismissed smelling each other because they were working together or too close by. This way, they’ll understand exactly what James and Pete have known for years. Remus and Sirius don’t even notice what they just did, thank Merlin.
As they make the potion, Sirius motions over to Lily, who’s standing at her own cauldron next to Mary McDonald. “You think this will be the moment, huh?”
“She won’t be able to deny it when she smells me and I smell her,” James whispers, beaming. “This is going to change everything.”
“I’m thrilled for you, Prongs,” Sirius says, stirring his own cauldron. “You’ve been waiting for this moment since I bloody met you.”
James and Sirius smile at each other, their potions ready. Everyone’s made theirs now, the steam from all of the cauldrons fogging up James’ glasses. He doesn’t even remove and clean them, though. He’s too excited. James and Sirius lean down to smell their potions at the same time. James is expecting lavender, lemon and butterbeer, Lily's favorite drink.
But as he leans down, he doesn’t smell any of those things. All he can smell is sandalwood, parchment, a night after it rains and…he can't exactly place the last smell. It isn’t familiar to him at all. He can't place it at all.
He looks over to Sirius at that moment, whose face is bright red. Tomato red. Sirius glances up to look at Remus across the way and as James follows his eyes over, he sees that Remus is staring right back at Sirius. They just stare at each other. Eventually, Sirius looks over to James and swallows loudly. “So, yours smell like Lily, Prongs?”
James rubs the back of his head, feeling extremely confused. “Um…,” he says, a bit too embarrassed to admit what’s happening. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
Sirius isn’t there anymore, though. Remus isn’t either. James looks over to Pete and raises his eyebrows, asking the only question left to ask. Pete smiles and nods his head before walking his fingers on his other hand to indicate that they left. James puts two thumbs up and winks.
James looks down at his own potion again and frowns. What is that last smell? He keeps inhaling and exhaling, willing himself to somehow tie everything he’s smelling back to Lily. Lily. He spots her out of the corner of his eye and turns towards her. “Hello, Lily! Come to tell me about your potion?” he says with a lopsided grin.
Lily tucks her hair behind her ear and places her hands behind her back, swaying. “I was expecting you to walk over and tell me,” she says, squinting her eyes.
James thinks that maybe he was wrong. Maybe she doesn’t smell like lavender or lemon or butterbeer. Maybe his nose has been wrong this whole time and she really smells like what his cauldron reeks of. But as he inhales deeply, he smells it. Lavender and lemon wafts into his nose, coming from her hair and her perfume. Shit. What does this mean? He opens his eyes, not realizing that he ever closed them, and those green eyes are staring at him. She looks at him expectantly. He audibly swallows before saying, “I’ll tell you if you tell me.”
She bites her lip before nodding. “Okay, that seems like a fair deal. You go first.”
James smiles at her sheepishly. “How about we tell each other one smell at a time?”
Lily looks at him, contemplating the idea. For a split second, she looks shocked. Probably because she was expecting James to run up, waving his arms up and down and screaming that he smelled her. After a bit, she nods. James puts his hand out as an invitation for her to go first.
“Pine,” she says, the array of freckles on her nose scrunching.
“Sandalwood,” James says weakly.
Lily straightens up at that. The surprise on her face is hard to miss. She knows that’s not what she smells like. Honestly, James can’t believe that this is how this conversation is going. If he knew this is what would happen, he wouldn’t have daydreamed about it so often.
Then Lily continues. “Fresh laundry.”
“The smell outside after it rains.”
Lily smiles slightly and extends her hand to shake his. “Huh, well I hope you figure out who it is,” she says, her eyes downcast.
“Maybe it can be a best friend, like maybe I’m smelling Sirius,” James says before realizing he didn’t say it just in his head.
“Maybe,” Lily simply replies, but she doesn’t seem convinced.
He watches her walk back to Mary, her hair swaying against her back. Once she gets to Mary, they’re whispering among themselves before turning to look back at James. When they see that he’s looking at them, they quickly turn away.
James looks at his potion again, puzzled. He inhales again. Stardust. That’s this unfamiliar smell to him. He doesn’t know how he smells it or what makes him come to the conclusion, but it’s stardust. Who smells like damn stardust?
--
James can’t stop sniffing everyone. It’s a bit ridiculous, even for him. He’s smelling people in the hallways, in the common room and in the courtyard. Sirius keeps making fun of him, but he shuts up after James reminds him that not everyone is able to identify who their potion smells like so quickly. Sirius looks over to Remus, who glares, before they sneak off together.
Usually, it would thrill James that Sirius and Remus are finally together, but he’s so preoccupied with this. Pete feels bad, looking at James with big, sad eyes. “I’m so sorry that it’s not Lily,” he says. “I know how much you’ve always liked her.”
James shrugs, trying to pretend like the years of wanting Lily haven’t felt like a complete lie. “Thanks, Pete.”
--
It happens when he’s walking to the Great Hall with Remus, whose head is stuck in a book. James is waving to people he knows and yelling to Frank Longbottom about Quidditch when he smells it. Sandalwood. A night sky after rain. Stardust. He follows the smell, whipping his head around and walking in the opposite direction. Remus yells at him to come back, but James is determined.
He comes into view. His hair and his Gryffindor attire that Sirius magically forced him to wear. Regulus. He’s walking with Pandora Lovegood, who’s drawing on Regulus’ arm as they walk. He squints to see that she’s drawing a skull. Not one that’s scary, though. There’s hearts surrounding it. Regulus is smiling, which is a rare occurrence and in fact, James doesn’t think that he’s ever seen it happen.
But his stomach flops when he sees it. Regulus is smiling wide and his dimples are showing. His head is slightly tossed back, revealing the black curls of his hair trying to get into his eyes. James doesn’t even walk anymore, just stands and stares. He doesn’t even realize that he’s still there until Pandora turns around and looks right at James. She whispers to Regulus, whose smile disappears and damn, James wishes that it would come back.
Regulus turns around, those blue eyes fixed on him, and holy shit. How did James not realize how beautiful Regulus is? Looking at him is exactly like looking at the stars. Full of wonder. Wanting to be among them, even when it seems impossible. He’s brought out of his deep thoughts by Regulus approaching him, Pandora near. “Do you need something, Potter?”
James gives him a lopsided grin. “No, just wanted to make sure you’re doing alright, Reg.”
Regulus huffs and his hair twitches against his forehead. “Don’t worry, Potter,” he says with a grimace. “I’m not my brother - your heroics are not needed.”
“Are you sure?” James asks. “Nobody giving you trouble for your attire today? I’ll kick their asses for you.”
“I have no doubt. You and the rest of your idiot friends could certainly strike fear in the hearts of many,” he retorts sarcastically.
As Regulus turns around with Pandora, James manages to say, “I’ll see you around, Reg.”
Regulus turns around one last time, delighting James. “See, that’s something that I do doubt.”
With that, James smiles to himself. A small one, just for him. Like a little secret. 𝘚𝘩𝘪𝘵, 𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘶𝘴. 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐’𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴.
--
James shakes his head with a smile. He’s been going to the Astronomy Tower every night for a few weeks to see Regulus. The first time that he saw his name on the map this late at night, he knew that he had to see what the hell Regulus was up to. What can James say? Regulus has always intrigued him. Since he brewed amortentia, though, James is intrigued in quite a different way. Maybe he always was, but now he’s seeing it in a way he didn’t before. Regulus’ hair has the breeze moving through it. His face is lit up by the stars in the sky. He’s too proud to say that he’s cold because he forgot a jumper. He’s 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭.
“Could you admit that you don’t despise me anymore, please?” James says, looking up from the chess board to see Regulus squinting with concentration.
Regulus shrugs, meeting James’ eyes. “That would ruin my reputation,” he replies dryly.
“I like you, you know,” James simply says, moving another pawn that Regulus is sure to strike down. “Don’t you like me, Regulus?”
Regulus shakes his head before chuckling softly. “You annoy me,” he says, moving his queen in such a quick maneuver that James doesn’t notice at first. 𝘏𝘦'𝘴 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘮𝘯 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘬.
“Not completely,” James says, leaning towards Regulus ever so slightly. “You keep coming when you know that I’ll show up.”
“Why do you keep coming?” Regulus asks.
“Because I like you,” James repeats. “You like that I keep coming, too,” he says as he moves his queen out of her sequestered, safe space.
“Do I?” Regulus retorts. “That’s quite presumptuous of you.”
“I don’t think so,” James says, watching Regulus’ queen corner James’ king. “You like having me around, Reg, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“There would be something wrong with that, if that was the case,” Regulus says. “Checkmate.”
𝘐 𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐 𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘪𝘵? Instead, James holds out a hand, which Regulus shakes with his own. The touch sparks something in James. His confidence barrels through his veins. Before he realizes exactly what he’s doing, he pulls Regulus’ arm closer to James. Their faces are so close that James can hear the sound of Regulus’ breathing. It hitches. They stare into each other’s eyes, with Regulus looking away first. James says it slowly, softly. He says it like Regulus will run away at any moment…which may be true. “I really do like you, Reg,” James whispers, looking into those ocean eyes.
“I like you too, James,” Regulus whispers back.
James is so shocked that he doesn’t notice for a moment that he’s let go of Regulus. Before James can say anything else, Regulus is already gone. “Bye, Regulus,” James whispers. “I think I already love you.”
--
Two weeks later, James is drunk during the party in the Gryffindor common room. They won the Quidditch match against Hufflepuff, of course, which means they’ll be playing against Slytherin next. Regulus is on the Slytherin team. 𝘏𝘰𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘑𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴, 𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. James doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. All he can think about is Reg. He groans, looking around the room for his friends to distract him. Pete is flirting with a fifth year. Sirius and Remus are drunk and whispering to each other in a corner.
“Fuck it,” he says out loud before going up to the dorm to grab his cloak. He gets out of the common room, trying as hard as he can to be quiet but 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘥𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘬.
In fact, James doesn’t realize how drunk he is until he sees Regulus struggling to hide his grin from the railing of the Astronomy Tower.
James smiles brightly at Regulus, leaning against the door after it closes behind him. “I am quite drunk right now, Reg,” James explains, walking towards the railing to join Regulus.
“Yeah, I noticed, James.”
Regulus looks at him with those eyes again. James can swear that Regulus can read his mind right now. Is there a spell or power for that? Maybe Regulus really can read his damn mind. Regulus just sighs, looking back up at the stars. “Aren’t you supposed to be celebrating your win right now?”
“I’d rather be here with you,” James says simply.
Regulus keeps staring at the stars, the moonlight illuminating his face in a way that James can’t get enough of. He’s absolutely 𝘨𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘰𝘶𝘴. Regulus breaks his train of thought by snorting, saying, “You really are drunk.”
“It would still be true if I were sober,” James boldly says.
Regulus has a little smile on his face and for once, he’s looking right at James while he has it plastered on his face. He’s not hiding it for once and it makes James feel warm throughout his body, starting in his chest where his heart sits.
James can’t help it. He moves a bit closer to Regulus. Their arms brush, but Regulus doesn’t move away. Instead, his smile fades and he’s staring at James with fear in his eyes. James doesn’t know where he gets the gall, but his hand reaches towards Regulus’ hair, putting a curl behind his ear and slowly moving his hand down Regulus’ face. “What are you doing, James?” Regulus whispers shakily.
James’ hand goes down Regulus’ neck before stopping over his chest. James doesn’t say anything at all. He turns so his body is completely turned towards Regulus before cupping Regulus’ face with both hands. “I have to tell you something.”
“What?” Regulus asks, swatting away James’ hands.
Maybe it’s because he’s drunk or maybe it’s because Regulus is all he ever thinks about now, but James takes a deep breath, exhales shakily and blurts out what he’s been holding in. “We brewed amortentia a month ago,” he says, praying that Regulus will stay. “I smelled you.”
Regulus backs up into a corner and James follows him. “No,” he says. “You’re just drunk.”
“It’s true,” James replies. “I may be drunk, but I wouldn’t lie to you.”
“Yeah?” Regulus retorts. “What about Lily Evans? Everyone knows that you love her, James,” he says, putting his arms up.
“I thought that I did, but I…I haven’t even thought about her once since we started this.”
“Started what, exactly?” Regulus replies as if he’s bored by the conversation. 𝘕𝘰. 𝘕𝘰. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘙𝘦𝘨. 𝘋𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵.
James’ heart jumps out of his chest. “I realized every night that I wanted to be around you all the time. I always want to be around you, Reg.”
“Stop,” Regulus demands, holding an arm out to keep James away. “I need to go.”
James grabs Regulus' arm as he starts walking towards the door, but Regulus jerks back. "Let me go, James," he pleads. "Don't do this to me."
“What?” James says, breathless. He hadn’t realized he’d been holding it in. James grabs Regulus’ face again, determined to make him see how in love James is. His face is wet. “Reg?”
Regulus looks at him one more time, his eyes red. Tears are falling down his face before he cups James’ face. He sniffles once. “You’re not mine, James,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. “You never will be.”
With that, Regulus drops his hands and quickly walks out the door, leaving James in the cold. It’s so cold without Regulus. Everything is. James drops his hands onto his face and rocks back and forth. 𝘐 𝘳𝘶𝘪𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦.
--
Regulus doesn't go back to the Astronomy Tower the next night or the night after that. James has seen him out, though. At the courtyard. In the Great Hall. In the library. Regulus acts like nothing ever happened. He still walks up to Sirius and complains about whatever prank Sirius has pulled on him, never making eye contact with James. James tries to say hello when he approaches the table, but Regulus ignores him every time before returning to his friends in Slytherin.
A week passes and James doesn’t know what he’s going to do when he spots Regulus turning the corner of the hall. He’s by himself, booking it towards the Slytherin dorms. James manages to sidle up next to him as he approaches the dorms, much to Regulus’ dismay. “What do you want now, Potter?”
“I’m Potter again?” James says with a frown. “You were finally calling me James.”
“Some things change,” Regulus clips.
“Some things don't, like how much I adore you,” James says with a lopsided grin.
“𝘗𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳, would you shut up?”
“I can’t hide how I feel, Reg,” James replies. “That would be unhealthy.”
Regulus speeds up, trying to lose James, but James matches his speed. As they get closer and closer to the Slytherin area, James grabs Regulus’ arm and pulls him into an empty classroom. Regulus struggles against James, but James releases him and leans against the door so Regulus can’t run. “What the hell, Potter? Why can’t you leave me alone?”
“That’s impossible for me, love,” James says. “You’ve dug your claws into me.”
“I didn’t make you like this,” Regulus states, leaning against a desk. 𝘏𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘦. 𝘕𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘦.
Regulus crosses his arms. “What do you want, James?”
“You,” James declares, closing the space in between them. “I want you, Reg.”
Regulus starts fumbling with his hands before straightening his shirt. “You can’t have me.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want you.”
“No?” James replies, leaning towards Regulus until their eyelashes are almost touching. Regulus’ eyes flutter closed as a pink hue appears on his cheeks. “I don’t believe you, darling.”
Regulus leans in a bit, their mouths so close that if Regulus moved forward anymore, they would be kissing. “You don’t have to believe it, James,” his minty breath so close that James can smell it.
James places his arms on the sides of the desk Regulus is leaning on, boxing him in. “You sure you don’t want me as much as I’ve always wanted you?”
Regulus’ breath hitches. Before he realizes what he’s doing, Regulus pulls James forward by his tie, locking their lips together. James puts his hands on Regulus’ face. His mouth is warm and James feels butterflies in his stomach. James twists them around, careful not to separate their lips in fear that Regulus will snap out of it and disappear.
James sits at the desk chair with Regulus quickly climbing into James’ lap. 𝘏𝘰𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘶𝘴. James puts his hands in Regulus’ hair and Regulus comes up for air. James takes that time to place kisses down his jaw, neck and collarbone.
They bring their lips together again, a little softer and delicate. Like they have all the time in the world. James slowly separates their lips and leans his forehead against Regulus.’ “Not to ruin this moment, but I need to tell you that I’m already falling in love with you,” James says, gasping for breath.
Regulus smiles, settling his arms on the back of James’ neck. “Yeah,” he says, brushing hair out of James’ face. “I love you, too.”