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after putting up with total drama and its spinoffs for three years, noah figured he could survive anything. he lived through plane crashes, shark infested waters, alejandro, volcanic eruptions, and owens toxic flatulence.
that was, until alligator bite.
noah wasn't the strongest person ever, but he could do about 8 push-ups in a row. 11 on a good day. he got twenty on a pacer test in middle school. that was a surprise. he and owen had assumed wrestling down a juvenile alligator wouldn't be that difficult. he watched steve irwin do it countless times. there was likely a pressure point underneath the scales or something that you needed to kick, and the alligator was as good as limp.
ha. haha.
no.
owen went first. the cameras and bright lights glaring down at the scene before them. instructors gave owen a piece of meat on a stick and invited him into the enclosure. an alligator sat menacingly in the corner, breath billowing from its nostrils. noahs gut swirled then, his hands gripping the metal gate infront of him. this was a horrible idea.
he attempted relaying the obvious statement to owen, who was also paralyzed with fear, but his voice gave out. he watched in a sickening silence as owen stood, trembling.
the reality tv producers directed owen to do something. the words were muffled and incomprehensible. owen lifted the meat up to his mouth and chewed it. yet again, another show taking advantage of owens weight and forcing him to be a fat kid stereotype.
the alligator lunged forward. owen dropped the raw meat, blood squirting from its capillaries. it ricochetted off the alligators snout and hit the floor with a wet slap. the alligator unhinged its mighty jaw.
noah would never forget that scream.
something primal in him took over. noah gripped the metal gate and swung himself over the bar, dropping down into the enclosure. he heard another gargled yell. he didn't dare look at owen.
he leaped. he gripped the alligators back. he tugged. he slipped on blood. the alligator whirled to face him.
black.
it was over as soon as it started. he didn't even have time to properly process the fact he had died. pain hardly lingered for a moment.
if only he went first. noah wouldn't have been stupid enough to listen to those shitty producers and their shitty attempts at getting more views.
hopefully, owen was still alive. in pain, but alive. maybe he delayed the alligator long enough for someone to heave him away, or someone to tranquilize the animal. shit. he dug his nails into his palms, met with the feeling of scorching pain.
...feeling? he felt pain?
he was dead.
it was supposed to be over.
there was supposed to be an endless sleep, and endless time of silence and emptiness. ones soul can linger in their thoughts for as long as they are remembered genuinely in the living world. and then they are reborn. he wasn't forgotten so soon... was he?
noah opened his eyes and was met with pearly clouds.
his heart dropped.
why can't this just be over.
noah stumbled to his feet, whisps of white fog swirling around his ankles. he was adorned in a white robe. he stood at the bottom of a tall, white, staircase. it looked to be endless. noah tried to glance behind him, but his body wouldn't let him. there was no turning back.
taking a deep breath, noah leaned to take a step forward. he halted as soon as he heard ethereal music from above.
holy shit.
some ... being ... floated downwards gracefully. it did not acknowledge noah. noah did not acknowledge it. it carried a limp body, the figure resting on the stairs beside him.
noah creeped towards it to get a closer look.
the body opened its eyes.
"...noah?!" it exclaimed.
"owen!?" noah shouted with glee.
noah leaped forward, hugging his dearest friend in his arms. he dug his face into the crook of his shoulder, lip beginning to tremble and eyes starting to wet. no... no.......
he failed. owen was dead.
owen cried as well, tears staining noahs hair. noah dug his fingers further into owens clothing, clenching his teeth together to prevent any noise.
"...im so sorry. im so sorry." noah whispered, shaking as sobs wracked his body. noah pulled away, holding owens face in his hands. the two met eyes.
owen was .... happy?
"i'm so glad i'm here with you." owen smiled, tears pouring down his cheeks. "i wouldn't want to live without you. i wouldn't want to die without you. we can be together forever."
the positivity was contagious. noah grinned, the first true smile he or owen had ever seen.
owen stood up, and reached his hand out to noah. noah grasped onto it and was heaved into the air.
"i can't believe we died." owen sighed, running a hand through his hair. just like him to get over something so serious so quickly.
"i can't believe /this/ afterlife is the one that's real. climbing stairs for hours is not what im doing for eternity." noah retorted sarcastically, following owens lead and beginning to walk up the steps himself.
"im just glad i get to spend it walking with you. even if you're going to complain all the time."
the two continued up the stairway in silence, both coming to terms with their own passing. noah was apathetic to it, already. things were just the way they were. there was no need to dwell after things already happened. now that he knew that owen died, it's not like that could change. it is what it is.
he watched the scenery around him, clouds hovering gracefully in the air. as he looked at each particular one, a surge of memories and emotions coursed through his body. the feeling was so very raw and intense, like a vodka shot of snippets of his life.
his heart couldn't take the complex storm of emotions, so noah turned to watch his feet instead.
"do you remember..." owen asked, his voice awfully cheerful and warm for this type of circumstance, "when me and you went to that fair in ontario?"
noah pondered for a moment, then broke out into a deep chuckle. "and the ferriswheel broke down when we were on top? so we had to sit there for three hours as they tried to find a way to get us down?"
"and they couldn't call the fire department! because they set up their fair illegally and didn't want to have jail time!" owen broke out in a fit of joyous laughter, squeezing noahs hand tighter.
noah matched the smile on owens face, his cheeks burning with the continuous strain of muscle. "i was so pissed! and you started yelling at pedestrians to throw food up at us!"
"i was hungry, okay?! three hours of no food! do you know what that does to a guy like me?"
"i've witnessed it many times, dude. the cheese wheel. the camel spit. the..."
noahs words halted, remembering just prior when the producers made owen ....
"...owen...?"
"yes, noah?"
"...why do you eat so much? why did you eat the..."
the two locked eyes. owen went silent and looked away, ashamed.
"when i was younger, i was naturally a chubby kid. both my parents are, you know, so for that part it was just hereditary."
"nice vocabulary." noah interjected.
"eventually, they started having trouble paying bills. taking care of a child was expensive. they had to face the option of letting us all starve, or sending me away until they made enough money. my mom's parents were the only parents still alive, so i lived with my grandparents for a bit."
"my mom's parents was and are crazy fitness gurus. even in their 90s they are still fairly active. it's crazy. so, seeing my weight, they sent me off to a... to a fat camp."
"ah. yikes"
"yeah. they said it worked for my mother, and she only got to a bad weight when she left early, so they figured by sending me in for a full term id come out in shape."
"it was humiliating. all the adults were skinny and fit, and all the kids were just fat and miserable. they made us run laps in the summer sun. they cut down meal sizes. they kept a watch on us at all times to make sure we weren't dealing anyone food, talking about food, or thinking about food."
noah couldn't think of anything sassy to say this time.
"my parents found out, and they took me home. i dropped forty pounds in two months. my grandparents are on a restraining order, now. they sent me to therapy because the whole situation was horrible."
"being met with all this food after being kept away from it, i just couldn't resist. i had so much control. no one could tell me when to eat or what to eat anymore. i gained back the forty pounds. i gained an extra twenty. i kept gaining and gaining."
"whenever i see food i just have this intrusive thought- to eat it. and the producers triggered that."
"so, i ate it."
noah stared at the ground as he walked, his fists clenched at his side. why didn't he know any of this? who could do this to someone like owen? bile rose in his throat.
"that's horrible." was the only response he could muster.
"yeah."
they carried on, owen changing the topic to something more lighthearted. the clouds around them were becoming denser, noah noticed, yet still kept his eyes ahead of him, at the top of the staircase.
with each step, the distance became longer. with each step, he felt himself grow stronger. he would fly forward if he had wings. he would run forward if he wasn't scared.
"sorry if this is... too negative. but i've always wondered." owen began, looking away from noah and fidgeting with his hands.
"what? spit it out."
"why don't you.. eat?"
noahs eyebrows furrowed, and his hands instinctively clenched. "i eat!"
owen glanced him up and down and looked away. "im not one to talk, but your eating habits aren't normal. i hardly see you eat anything. you always give your food to me."
noah huffed, defensive and frustrated. "you sound like my mom."
"we're dead, buddy. you don't need to hide anything from me anymore."
good point.
"i just don't really care to, i guess. i don't have an appetite." noah shrugged, hugging his forearms.
"is this another... symptom of...?"
"shush!"
"no one's gonna hear us, dude! are those angels going to gossip about your mental health?"
noah squinted his eyes to look around for any angels. he didn't see any. he decided not to speak of it.
"yeah, probably i guess. it's crazy how much that shit affects me."
"wanna tell me about it?"
noah opened his mouth to answer, but no words could come out. he looked away and thought for a moment, digging his nails into his arms. owen wouldn't judge him. no one could hear him. there was no reason to hide anything anymore. he was dead.
"i am, like, severely depressed, dude."
noah paused to wait for a response along the lines of, 'i know' or 'no shit,' but was met with silence. turns out that's not how everyone diffuses serious conversations. weird.
"and that kind of makes me... not really care about anything? i don't care about eating. i don't care about bad things. i don't care about good things. i don't care about taking care of myself, or being friends with people, or keeping bonds with people. i'm just kind of.. there. all the time. doing nothing."
"it's.. weird. i feel horrible. i feel selfish. do you know how many friends i've ghosted because i just didn't care to put in effort anymore? even if i've liked them? or how many times ive had to choke out the phrase, 'im sorry' or 'thats horrible' even though i couldnt give less of a shit? i'm such a dick, dude."
"you're really not, it's not like you can help it."
"i /can/! i can take meds. i can go to therapy. i can set reminders to message friends or family. but i don't! because i don't care to! there's people with depression who function so much better than i do, and can keep friends and can get up and do shit. but i don't. that's not an excuse."
silence again. noah stared emptily at the ground. owen placed a hand on his back.
"the fact you feel so guilty about this shows you care. there's still a part of you fighting. you can change."
"im dead." noah snarkily smirked. "my chance is over."
"you can try with me, then." owen smiled, holding noahs hands in his. quite an awkward position as you're walking up stairs.
noah looked down and smiled, chuckling lightly to himself.
owen pushed back noahs unruly tufts of hair and laughed at him, directing his face up to his. "you're smiling! i made noah smile!"
noah grinned brighter and pushed his hand away. "ew. no. never."
"that's like three times today! and we just died! man, i must be super good at this then."
"you are." noah affectionately punched owen in the shoulder, chuckling.
"wanna race me up the stairs?"
"i can't run."
"we'll, neither can i." owen picked noah up and tossed him forward a few steps. "cmon, it'll be fun. this is taking forever, anyways."
not even responding, to keep his head start, noah dashed forward and began bounding up the stairs.
he felt like he was flying. he didn't grow tired. he didn't begin to wheeze. his knees didn't ache. he felt so.. free. had he seriously been missing out on a feeling like this? he felt like he could run forever.
he turned to his side and saw owen besides him, laughing hysterically. noah laughed too, and grabbed his hand.
/ / / / / /
the two of them ran for what seemed forever. the clouds began to thin out. the sky began to shine brighter. music began to play in the distance, and gradually grew louder and louder. noah never grew tired. owen never left his side.
they must've ran for an hour or two until owen faintly saw gates up in the clouds. squinting his eyes, noah could faintly see them too.
his stomach dropped, and noah stopped running. owen ran forward a few more steps and looked back at him. why could he look back and not noah?
"is something wrong?"
noah shook his head and swallowed his doubts. he climbed upwards to stand besides owen.
"no. i just think we should walk to the top. can't seem too eager."
"exactly. we gotta walk in all cool, and stuff, so we look like we don't really care. and them god will think we're, like, super cool guys, and let's us into vip heaven."
noah laughed, and began walking again. his legs suddenly felt weak, like they were going to give out. he held onto owens hand.
owen led the two of them up to the gates. they were tall and made of pristine gold. owen stared past the bars and ooh-ed and aww-ed at the scenery behind them. noah just saw clouds. something was wrong. something was very, very wrong.
an omnipotent voice rang from above, a figure noah couldn't quite see floating downwards from the sky. noah physically couldn't look at it, his body wouldn't let him. he stared at the ground instead.
"owen waters. born september eighth, 2002. died august twenty third, 2022. 19 years old."
owen nodded his head.
"you didn't definitively practice any religion, but your soul is much kinder than many of those who do. generous and always giving. positive and never faltering. you, my good child, are a pristine example of what one should aspire to be."
owen didn't speak, but stared upon in awe. noah didn't speak, either. he bent his head lower and waited.
the giant gold doors creaked open, and noah felt owen leave his side. he looked up hesitantly to see owen on the other side. owen smiled at him. noah couldn't smile back. the doors began to close.
"..wait, what about noah?" owen asked, moving towards the doors again and attempting to hold them open for his friend. he extended his hand out to noah. noah tried to reach to take it. he couldn't move. his eyes were pleading.
"wait! let him go! noah, come with me! please!"
noahs body turned. his eyes were torn away. he faced backwards. he was met with a black and red fiery stairway downwards.
"greed."
noah was pulled down a step.
"envy."
he stumbled further.
"sloth."
owens cries rang further and further away.
"wrath."
flames lapped at his ankles.
"i am ashamed of you being my child. you have failed." the booming voice twisted, its words demonic and strangled.
"the amount of lives you've harmed- the amount of people you've betrayed. for what? money? personal satisfaction? because you just, 'didn't want to?' or 'didn't care enough?'"
"you've attempted many times to throw away your gift of life. and every time i've given you a chance to live once more. hoping you'll change. and you haven't. you keep hurting."
"burn in hell, noah stereca."