Chapter Text
WILL
This is a love story.
We've been in Utah the past hours, after Suzie helped us locate Nina. We all agreed that we were too tired, to keep on traveling and we needed some rest. Argyle is out with Eden, doing their own thing. He decided that our trip was too scary, and now that he found his ''true love'' as he said, he could leave us behind. He didn't care about the truck though. Jonathan went to the city, to buy gasoline and food. And I'm here, in the backseat of the truck, alone with Mike. It feels kind of weird when we are alone now. My heart is always beating too fast, I don't know what to say, and Mike barely looks at me. It didn't use to be like that between us. Mike was one of the few people, that i felt like I could exist beside him. For some people it's easier to exist in the world. I'm certainly not one of those people. But with Mike I felt like I could exist. Like I really belonged. It was comforting to be with him. You know how some people feel so familiar, like a home? It was always like that with him. From the first day, I met him. He always felt like home.
Well, it's not like that anymore. Now it's kind of awkward, and it makes me so sad to think about it. I want us to be like the old times.
Mike sighs, and moves a little. He's laid down beside me, but there's a noticable distance between us.
''This truck still stinks of weed.'' I say just to break the silence, but I don't think Mike heard me.
''Do you think she's okay?'' he says. I can't see his face in the dark, but i bet he's frowning. He's always frowning when he's sad or worried.
''I think she will be alright. El always knows how to survive.''
''Well, she did not know how to survive, with those bullies.''
''Maybe bullies are worse than supernatural shit, you know.''
He giggles. ''Yeah, maybe... They certainly are. Did anyone bullied you, in California?'' His eyes are glancing in the dark.
''Well, some people were really rude, but no one bullied me, like in Hawkins. I tried to be as quiet and invincible as I could. And it worked, because they left me alone. For the first time in my life...''
Mike stretches his legs a little, and they touch mine.
''...It's not easy to be different, you know.'' I sigh. My left hand goes down to my backpack, touching my painting. Since we left California, my hand is always going there. I just touch it, caressing it with my thumb.
''Yeah, I know.''
''It's different for me Mike.''
''Why? We were all bullied. You know that.''
''Well yes, but... I don't know. It has always been different for me.''
We stay silent for a while. I try to not look at him. I try to look anywhere else. My hand, my knees, the window of the truck. When I finally look at him, his eyes are on me too. He stands up, sitting closer beside me. ''Look Will. There's something...''
''What?''
''There's something I wanted to tell you.''
I sit properly on the seat. My heart starts beating faster, shaking my whole body. Mike always says what he wants. He never makes a prologue. He always knows what to say, and how to say it.
I hope my voice doesn't sound too shaky. ''Tell me.''
He rubs the back of his neck. ''Well, with all that shit happening after I came, I never told you. But anyway, I should have said it sooner.''
''What?'' I look at him, and I bet my eyes are full of hope. And despair.
''You remember last year, when we had a fight? And I said something rude about... anyway. I was thinking about it, all the time. It was such a shitty thing to say. And I felt so bad, for hurting you like that. I was no better than a bully then, right? And that's probably why I never reached out when you were gone. I felt so much guilt. Shit, I couldn't sleep for days, because I was thinking about it. I'm an asshole. But anyway, I just wanted to finally say sorry. I'm sorry Will. I'm really sorry.''
He touches my hand lightly. But instantly he takes it away.
''You are not an asshole. It's okay. I was acting weird anyway. With all the D&D stuff, and calling El stupid. Maybe, I deserved it.''
''No! Don't you ever say that! You were right, we were still kids after all, we shouldn't ignore you to spend all day with our girlfriends. It was a shitty thing to do. And that thing I said about, you know... You not liking girls. I really did not think about it. I did not mean it, I didn't realise it sounded really bad. I was thinking that you probably don't like girls, yet. Anyways I'm an ass. Sorry.''
It's my turn to touch his hand, lightly. But I don't remove it.
''Mike it's okay. Stop calling yourself an ass.''
''But I am.''
''You're not.''
''I am.''
''You're not!''
''I am.''
We both giggle. My hand is still on his.
''And anyway, I bet you get all the girls. Your new haircut is so cool, and your voice is deep now. And you are a bit taller.''
''A bit?!''
''Well, you are always to be shorter than me. So El told me you had a crush, or something?''
''She told you what?'' I'm the one who takes my hand away. I hide my face on my hands and sigh. ''Well, she tells you everything doesn't she?''
''She just told me that you've been acting weird lately. And you've been painting something you won't show to her. So she assumed that you might have a crush on a girl, or something. Do you?''
''No. Definitely not. I mean yes, I have a crush, and I've been painting a lot, and probably I've been acting weird, but...''
Maybe I'm delusional as always but I can see a flicker of hope, in Mike's eyes, as he's waiting for me to speak.
''But?''
''That thing you said about me, not liking girls... Uh, it's actually true.''
He raises his eyebrows. ''Oh.''
We stay silent for a while, and I feel like I'm going to puke my beating heart.
''Um, anyway. I probably shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. I'm always making things weird.''
''No, I'm just surprised... So is it a boy?''
I nod.
''And does he like you back?''
''I don't know. But probably not.''
''Well, he should. You are a pretty lad.''
I giggle. ''A pretty lad?!''
''As I said, you look so different now. That haircut really suits you... And that painting you been working on, is that for him?''
''Yes''
''And did you gave it, to him?''
''Not yet.''
He smiles. ''You should.''
''I will.''
He leans a little closer to me. Now I can see his face clearly in the dark, as he gets closer. He looks me in the eyes, and then down, on my lips? Our shoulders touch, as I lean closer to him too. I don't know what I'm doing, I feel a million different things as I get closer, and I really hope that he can't hear my heart beating, I really hope I'm not delusional, I really hope that I could just say what I really feel, I really hope that I could just do what I really want to do right now.
The front door of the truck opens, and Jonathan jumps in. Immediately, we turn away from each other, as my brother greets us and puts the bags in the car.
The truth is, I'm in love with Mike.
Maybe I always had been. But I realised it after we left Hawkins. That day, when we were slowly getting away and I was sitting in my brother's car crying, I realised that I was really, deeply in love with Mike. I always felt different with him, I never felt that way with any other person. They day we left Hawkins, I realised that feeling was love. Not the kind of love I felt for my family, or Lucas and Dustin. It was a new kind of love, that always had existed, but I never realised it, until that day.
Firstly, I felt weird, disgusting. What kind of boy is in love with his best friend? What kind of boy is in love with his step-sister's boyfriend? What kind of boy? I felt like I was losing my mind, like I was going crazy. Mike had promised that we would go crazy together, but Mike was gone and I was alone. I couldn't talk about it. None would understand. Not mom, not El, not even Jonathan. And as the time passed, I accepted my feelings. And started to embrace them, admitting them to myself that I was in love with Mike Wheeler, my childhood friend, my best friend. And then something in me blossomed, and my feelings turned to colours, sketches, drawings, paintings. Maybe this would lead to a heartbreak, but at least I could make something beautiful from it.
But Mike never wrote to me, he never reached out. Only called me one time on Christmas, a brief empty conversation. It didn't matter, I was not so naive to believe that Mike liked me back. I only wanted to tell him how I felt, and maybe then the feeling would go away. And that was my plan when he came to California, but he did not care about me at all. We barely talked the first day. And that really hurted me. Of course Mike didn't like me back, but he still was my best friend, and I was his. Why he acted like that? But after El left, he started acting different. We talked more, but now he was always looking at me, and when I looked back, he turned the other way. His cheeks blushed when we were close, he looked vulnerable and shy. When we talked, he was more honest. But still, I felt like something cracked in him, when El left. Like something deep inside him, completely changed. I convinced myself I was delusional, stupid. A hopeless, doomed, stupid boy, always indulging in fantasies and impossible romantic scenarios. Delusional. Hopeless. Doomed. Stupid. That's what I said to myself, until now.
Until Mike leaned on me, looked me straight on the lips, and leaned even closer. Until I could feel his heart beating on mine, until he almost kissed me. How could Mike ever feel the same? It was impossible. I probably made that up. Because simply, Mike is not like me. He is in love with El, and he thinks of me as a friend, and anyway I don't deserve someone like him. I don't deserve anything. But I couldn't make up something like this. It was too real. It really happened. It wasn't a quick glance, or a shy smile, or a blush. It was an almost kiss.
And then Jonathan ruined it.
We quickly pull away from each other, and we lay down on the backseat again, as Jonathan talks to Mike, planning our rescue trip to Nina, to El. I'm so confused, and I hug myself, I curl on the backseat trying to be as small and invisible as I can. The previous moment keeps replaying in my head, as I fall asleep.
When I awake I feel a deep violent pain. I'm covered in sweat and I feel like something wants to crawl out of my skin and rip it, and then devour me whole. I feel an intense pain on the back of my neck, a kind of pain I haven't felt for a very long time and wished that I would never feel it again.
''Jonathan, Mike!'' I shout, getting them out of their sleep. ''Something's wrong.''
My brother turns from the front seat, and looks at me. ''What's wrong? Will, what's wrong?''
I try to swallow, I try to speak. ''The back of my neck hurts. It's not like the other times, it's not just a shiver. It hurts so much.''
Mike rubs his eyes, and touches my shoulder. ''It's the Upside Down, right?''
''Yeah... I think so.'' I whisper. ''Something's coming.''
Jonathan looks at Mike. ''We should go to Hawkins.''
''What?!'' Mike shouts. ''We should go to find El!''
''Mike, it's serious. If Will feels such a tense pain, something terrible is going to happen. And it's going to be in Hawkins. We cannot leave them alone.''
''But...''
''Mike, think of your family. Think of Nancy!''
''They can wait, until we find El. We cannot leave her alone either, she's in danger, god knows what they are doing to her!''
''El can make it. She has done it before. We're going back to Hawkins.'' Jonathan turns the key, and starts driving the car. They keep shouting to each other but I don't know what they are saying. I feel dizzy, and I don't really know what's going on as we drive and drive.
At some point I lean down, on Mikes knees and I sleep again.