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It had been a strange summer. Draco looked over at the soft light that flickered over Pansy's closed eyes as she lay next to him. This might be the last time they’d get a night together for a while, so he was determined to make the most of it. Sex didn’t even feel the same anymore, not when all Draco could think about was everything everyone was about to expect of him. Pansy had been the only one to see the new branding on his arm he’d just received the previous week, but she didn’t say a word. He could tell she wasn’t happy about it, though, by the way she stared at it, then stared at him. She knew it meant they couldn’t stay with each other. She knew how much danger he would put her in if they were.
“Well? Was that romantic enough for you?” he muttered.
Pansy didn’t open her eyes. “No. It’s just dark.”
“Why do you have to be such a bitch after sex?”
“Maybe you should do a better job, then.”
Draco scoffed, rolling his eyes playfully, but pulled her back to his chest anyway, and the smallest of smiles came to her face as she curled into him. They lay in silence for a few more minutes, listening to each other breathe. His eyes threatened to flutter closed - his parents knew she was staying over tonight anyway - but then Pansy spoke again.
“What’s going to happen, Draco?”
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I don’t know what’ll happen to any of us right now. I’m still waiting on orders and…”
“I just hate that I can’t be part of it.”
“It’s too dangerous.” They had talked in circles about this. It wasn’t safe. Pansy didn’t care. Draco didn’t want her to get hurt. Pansy could take care of herself. Over and over and over again so much that he enjoyed having the semi-argument because it was a constant in his life, and there hadn’t been much of those lately.
“I don’t care.” There it was.
“Well, I do. I care about you a lot. I’m not going to let something happen to you because I was too much of a coward to say-”
“Draco, look at me.” She leaned up on her elbow, tracing a slim finger against his jaw until he finally turned to follow her order. “You’re not a coward. You don’t have a choice. Believe me, I wish you had a choice as much as you do. Maybe even more.”
“We can’t be together until all this shit is over,” he said, mostly to remind himself. “Not properly anyway. You can’t stay over if a war starts.”
“I know.”
“And you still want to wait?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” That came out harsher than he intended, but he didn’t apologize. The meaner he was, the more likely she was to tell him the truth. That’s always how it had been with her - their specific dynamic was one most people didn’t (or couldn’t) understand.
“Because you’re one of the best shags I’ve ever had and I wasn’t planning on giving that up.”
“One?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Are you incapable of saying anything decent?”
“Not after sex,” Pansy grinned. “Must be the dopamine or something. My brain’s not used to all of it and it’s going mad.”
“So my original point stands.”
“I guess so.” She took a deep breath. “Fine. I care about you a lot, Draco. I like spending time with you and I really enjoy talking to you because I know you’re not going to sugar-coat anything or talk around the issue and even in Slytherin, that’s refreshing. Your mum adores me and we’ve been friends for a long time… do you want me to keep going?”
“No. I was just going to let you continue, but that’s enough.” It was Draco’s turn to smile. Genuinely this time as he leaned in to kiss her. “Just… stay safe for me, will you? As safe as you can, anyway.”
“If I must. Also… about the candles…” she muttered against his lips, “I do really like them.”