Work Text:
"Argh! I don't understand why this isn't working!"
"Al, maybe you should read the instructions again."
"To the bowels of the Titan with the instructions! Who even wrote this snorseshit?!"
"Oh for the love of--shouting like an imbecile is not helping matters!"
"I have a Masters in Abomination Engineering. I built my first Abomaton when I was four. I was the youngest champion of the Bonesborough Brawl. I will not let a swing set manual best me!"
"Hmm, Alador is so sexy when he's riled up~"
"Odalia, please stop ogling my husband."
"As if, dear Darius, I cannot help it when there's an attractive specimen right in front of me. Besides, tell me you're not the least bit turned on by your hubby right now? Imagining it was you being torn apart by those big, strong hands~?"
"...I hate you. Why are we friends again?"
"Love you too, Dar, and it's because I'm the only one who could put up with your nonsense and occasionally bail you idiots out from whatever stupid thing you did."
"Please. Alador and I never did anything uncouth that warranted your intervention."
"The incident during Grom in our final year where you, Alador, and Eda were drunk off your asses and proceeded to streak through the auditorium on a wave of Abomination goo.
"And what about the time during your promotion party where you and Alador snuck off for some private time, only to be discovered by Kikimora minutes later.
"Or when you two got into a brawl at a bar because some rando called Abomination magic 'cute' and I had to go all the way to the Conformatorium to bribe Wrath to let you go. I was seven months pregnant with the twins!"
Darius is about to punt a smug Odalia into the bushes when six-year-olds Emira and Edric and four-year-old Amity barrel out the back door. They race toward the adults, their eyes shining in excitement and anticipation. The giggling twins make a beeline toward Odalia, flanking her and hugging her waist, while their little sister clings to one of Darius' legs.
"Daddy! Is the swing ready?" Amity smiles.
Darius bends down to pick up his daughter and perches her on his hip. "Just about, Little Princess. Dad is almost done." He teasingly pokes her nose.
"Then why--" Emira starts.
"Is Dad's face--" continues Edric.
"Really really red--"
"And yelling really really--"
"Loud?" The twins end in unison.
The Abomination witch looks back toward his husband and finds him still ranting about crafting inaccuracies.
"Because your father is an idiot, darlings," smirks Odalia.
"Oooh! Momma Lia said a bad word!" Edric snickers.
Emira grins up at the Oracle witch. "You gotta pay the snail jar. One each for me, Ed, and Ami~"
Rather than being insulted, Odalia laughs and gives the twins a giant hug. "What little imps you're turning out to be! Those are definitely my genes shining through," she coos.
Darius fondly rolls his eyes at his friend. "When they're imps, they're yours. When they refuse to clean their rooms or eat their vegetables, they're mine and Alador's."
"You two are the responsible, boring parents while I am the cool, fun mother-figure," Odalia proclaims proudly.
"Cool and fun!" Amity cheers, waving her tiny arms around.
"See? Mittens gets it."
Before anyone can say another word, Alador lets out a frustrated yell and wraps the swing set pieces in a large and dense sphere of Abomination goo. The sphere bubbles and shifts until it recedes, leaving behind a completed swing set with purple goo solidified around the joints and forming the chains that attach to the seats. In addition to the swings, a little playhouse with a wavy slide is crafted right next to them.
Nodding at his creation, Alador vanishes the goo and wipes his forehead. "There, all done."
The twins make a break for the playhouse but Darius stops them from climbing on the structure by shifting his arm and wrapping the rippling appendage around them. Both children whine and pout in their dad's embrace.
"Al, I love you, but this does not look safe," the dark-skinned witch glowers at his husband.
Alador crosses his arms. "I made sure to fortify the joints and stabilize the frames. Trust me, it's safe."
"Okay, then test it yourself," Darius prompts, ignoring Odalia's not-so muffled snickering.
Not wanting to back down from a challenge (or prove his husband right), the engineer sits down on a seat and starts swinging. Nothing breaks or snaps under his weight. "See? Perfectly safe," he smirks.
A second later finds Alador's feet getting caught in the dirt mid-swing which sends him tumbling off the seat. He plops face-down on the grass with a faint 'thud'. Peals of laughter erupt from the children and Odalia.
Darius chuckles as he stands over his husband. "Are you alright, darling?"
Alador sits up, wiping specks of dirt from his face. "Yeah, fine. At least now we know it can hold a grown adult but it's definitely not made for one."
"That's for sure," snorts Odalia as she helps up her friend.
Amity tugs on Darius' shirt collar, her eyes pleading. "We play now, Daddy?"
Emira and Edric nod in agreement, their lips pulled into sad pouts.
Darius sighs, "I know when I'm outnumbered." He releases his children and they immediately run off to go wreak havoc like the little imps they are.
The rest of the afternoon is spent with the children enjoying their new playset. The twins love the slide and Alador used his magic to make it wiggle a bit when they slid down. Amity refused to leave the swings and only allowed Darius to push her. Odalia carefully attempted to try the slide, only because all three children bribed her with puppy-direhound eyes, but then got stuck due to her *ahem* assets.
"You try giving birth to three children and keeping your figure after that!" Odalia shouts at the laughing family with a dark blush across her cheeks.